Board 8 > so I need to talk about something extremely heavy and personal (TW)

Topic List	Page List: 1, 2
Johnbobb 01/24/21 12:23:38 AM #1:	I'm really hesitant to talk about it, largely because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, at least not 1 on 1. I'm hoping talking about it like this will make it easier, but I don't know, I just know I need to say it. About a month and a half ago, I tried to kill myself. I went out on a highway bridge overlooking the Susquehanna river late in the evening, with the intention of jumping, but when I was leaning over the rail, I hesitated. It was cold, dark and cars were flying by me across the bridge. In my hesitation, a cop saw me, and made me go with him to the hospital. At the hospital, I was treated like shit by the ER staff. Locked in an empty room for hours on end, with the staff refusing to tell me anything about my situation. The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily. The nurse was hostile toward me, degrading me and insisting that whatever happens to me is my own fault (while also refusing to tell me what was actually happening). I stayed in that room for hours, watching the wall. Eventually I was able to call my girlfriend, tell her where I was, and have her bring by my CPAP so I could sleep. Late at night a nurse came in, watching me sleep to make sure I didn't do anything overnight. I wasn't allowed to eat dinner that night or breakfast the next morning, or to take my prescribed anti-depressants the next morning. Then they shipped me off over two hours away, strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. They dropped me off in a psychiatric center. I had to ask the staff there what city I was even in. There's a lot I want to say about my experience there, so much that it's hard to even know where to start. I was allowed 2 10-minute phone calls per day, if I signed up early. I wasn't allowed to keep my shoes. It would be two days later when my case worker insisted they provide me with a change of clothes, as I was still wearing the 3-days dirty shirt and shorts I had been wearing. There were smoke breaks a few times a day, which was the only outside time allowed. But I didn't have shoes or a coat and it was mid-December, so I didn't take them often. Most of the people there didn't really need a facility like that. Many were just young kids who needed help that that place certainly wasn't providing. A couple were elderly, needing nursing home level care, again requiring more than they were getting there. They were all good people. The facility was useless. Many patients complained of almost never getting to actually see their therapists or case workers. Their "group therapy" was really just disinterested nurses reading questions off index cards. About half the time, they didn't even do that, and just skipped the scheduled sessions altogether. On my third day I met my case worker, a really nice woman who was the first person in a position of authority who'd been willing to listen to me since the situation started. She was confused why the hospital wouldn't give me the option of signing in voluntarily, and explained that because I was signed over involuntarily, I was required to stay there 5 days minimum. After 5 days, they could hold a court case to see if I needed to be there longer, but given that I was one of the most level-headed patients in the facility, she had no reason to believe that would happen. She gave me a bunch of papers on trying to get the commitment expunged from my criminal record, a process that I'm still working on. On the fifth day, I was allowed to leave. I spent most of the day crying, despite not having done so the week I was there. They diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, but didn't change my medication, as I was already scheduled to meet with my PCP about a week later (in regards to a new med I had just recently started). The only people who knew about my situation were my girlfriend and her best friend [I'll call her E] (who only found out because we needed her help getting my car off the side of the highway). My work knew I was out for a "medical emergency" but didn't question it too much aside from asking if I was okay. It's hard to say how much they know, but if they knew more details, they never said. My family still doesn't know I was ever in the hospital, though I'm not close with most of them anyway. Sometime next month I'm starting a group therapy thing over Zoom that I'm pretty hesitant about, but it's free, so I'm not turning it down, especially after receiving close to $6,000 in bills from the hospital and facility. Also meeting with a psychiatrist late next month. Been working on applying for medical assistance. By all means I make little enough and have enough bills to qualify, some I'm hoping everything works out there. The hospital emailed me asking me to fill out a patient satisfaction survey. When I did, the Patient Representative Office called to apologize if their customer service wasn't satisfactory but also to firmly inform me that they did nothing wrong and acted completely appropriately. (Fun fact: there was another woman in my facility who, as it turned out, was ALSO being held in the hospital's ER the same night as me, and ALSO was kept in the dark and not informed of her rights). I don't know what I really want to come from this post. Maybe nothing, I just need to actually be able to say it, in some way or another. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to E since; the knowledge that she knows just kind of sits in the air heavy and makes me unable to speak to her. It's humiliating, and I don't want that to happen with anyone else. I'm hoping the more public forum makes up for that? idk This isn't like a cry for pity and I don't want people worrying about me or feeling sorry for me, I'm just sick of holding this in. The experience eats at me, constantly sinking back into my thoughts. I'm sad, angry, scared, and just constantly exhausted. I appreciate the people here for being some sort of an outlet. I've got quite a few close friends here, and a sense of community on top of that, and it's easy to take that for granted. For the people on discord, I'd appreciate if this stays an "in here" thing; hence why I'm not saying it in group chats or anything of the nature. If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask. Also feel free to say nothing; I won't take offense. This has been more a space to vent than anything else. Either way, thanks for reading. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949850019] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm really hesitant to talk about it, largely because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, at least not 1 on 1. I'm hoping talking about it like this will make it easier, but I don't know, I just know I need to say it. About a month and a half ago, I tried to kill myself. I went out on a highway bridge overlooking the Susquehanna river late in the evening, with the intention of jumping, but when I was leaning over the rail, I hesitated. It was cold, dark and cars were flying by me across the bridge. In my hesitation, a cop saw me, and made me go with him to the hospital. At the hospital, I was treated like shit by the ER staff. Locked in an empty room for hours on end, with the staff refusing to tell me anything about my situation. The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily. The nurse was hostile toward me, degrading me and insisting that whatever happens to me is my own fault (while also refusing to tell me what was actually happening). I stayed in that room for hours, watching the wall. Eventually I was able to call my girlfriend, tell her where I was, and have her bring by my CPAP so I could sleep. Late at night a nurse came in, watching me sleep to make sure I didn't do anything overnight. I wasn't allowed to eat dinner that night or breakfast the next morning, or to take my prescribed anti-depressants the next morning. Then they shipped me off over two hours away, strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. They dropped me off in a psychiatric center. I had to ask the staff there what city I was even in. There's a lot I want to say about my experience there, so much that it's hard to even know where to start. I was allowed 2 10-minute phone calls per day, if I signed up early. I wasn't allowed to keep my shoes. It would be two days later when my case worker insisted they provide me with a change of clothes, as I was still wearing the 3-days dirty shirt and shorts I had been wearing. There were smoke breaks a few times a day, which was the only outside time allowed. But I didn't have shoes or a coat and it was mid-December, so I didn't take them often. Most of the people there didn't really need a facility like that. Many were just young kids who needed help that that place certainly wasn't providing. A couple were elderly, needing nursing home level care, again requiring more than they were getting there. They were all good people. The facility was useless. Many patients complained of almost never getting to actually see their therapists or case workers. Their "group therapy" was really just disinterested nurses reading questions off index cards. About half the time, they didn't even do that, and just skipped the scheduled sessions altogether. On my third day I met my case worker, a really nice woman who was the first person in a position of authority who'd been willing to listen to me since the situation started. She was confused why the hospital wouldn't give me the option of signing in voluntarily, and explained that because I was signed over involuntarily, I was required to stay there 5 days minimum. After 5 days, they could hold a court case to see if I needed to be there longer, but given that I was one of the most level-headed patients in the facility, she had no reason to believe that would happen. She gave me a bunch of papers on trying to get the commitment expunged from my criminal record, a process that I'm still working on. On the fifth day, I was allowed to leave. I spent most of the day crying, despite not having done so the week I was there. They diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, but didn't change my medication, as I was already scheduled to meet with my PCP about a week later (in regards to a new med I had just recently started). The only people who knew about my situation were my girlfriend and her best friend [I'll call her E] (who only found out because we needed her help getting my car off the side of the highway). My work knew I was out for a "medical emergency" but didn't question it too much aside from asking if I was okay. It's hard to say how much they know, but if they knew more details, they never said. My family still doesn't know I was ever in the hospital, though I'm not close with most of them anyway. Sometime next month I'm starting a group therapy thing over Zoom that I'm pretty hesitant about, but it's free, so I'm not turning it down, especially after receiving close to $6,000 in bills from the hospital and facility. Also meeting with a psychiatrist late next month. Been working on applying for medical assistance. By all means I make little enough and have enough bills to qualify, some I'm hoping everything works out there. The hospital emailed me asking me to fill out a patient satisfaction survey. When I did, the Patient Representative Office called to apologize if their customer service wasn't satisfactory but also to firmly inform me that they did nothing wrong and acted completely appropriately. (Fun fact: there was another woman in my facility who, as it turned out, was ALSO being held in the hospital's ER the same night as me, and ALSO was kept in the dark and not informed of her rights). I don't know what I really want to come from this post. Maybe nothing, I just need to actually be able to say it, in some way or another. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to E since; the knowledge that she knows just kind of sits in the air heavy and makes me unable to speak to her. It's humiliating, and I don't want that to happen with anyone else. I'm hoping the more public forum makes up for that? idk This isn't like a cry for pity and I don't want people worrying about me or feeling sorry for me, I'm just sick of holding this in. The experience eats at me, constantly sinking back into my thoughts. I'm sad, angry, scared, and just constantly exhausted. I appreciate the people here for being some sort of an outlet. I've got quite a few close friends here, and a sense of community on top of that, and it's easy to take that for granted. For the people on discord, I'd appreciate if this stays an "in here" thing; hence why I'm not saying it in group chats or anything of the nature. If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask. Also feel free to say nothing; I won't take offense. This has been more a space to vent than anything else. Either way, thanks for reading. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
WazzupGenius00 01/24/21 12:29:06 AM #2:	yeah the way you were treated is horrible and is exactly the reason why I tell people to NOT call the cops when a friend is suicidal unless you believe the danger is extremely imminent and you won't be able to get yourself or anyone else there in time --- https://imgur.com/k0v0z3q <cite>WazzupGenius00 posted [p:949850187] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>yeah the way you were treated is horrible and is exactly the reason why I tell people to NOT call the cops when a friend is suicidal unless you believe the danger is extremely imminent and you won't be able to get yourself or anyone else there in time </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
TotallyNotMI 01/24/21 12:31:21 AM #3:	I'm not sure what to say, but I truly care for you, I'm glad you're still here, and if you ever need anything, even just to talk, please reach out. <3 --- I'm not sure who this MI guy is but he sounds sexy. <cite>TotallyNotMI posted [p:949850254] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm not sure what to say, but I truly care for you, I'm glad you're still here, and if you ever need anything, even just to talk, please reach out. <3 </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
fuming 01/24/21 12:45:11 AM #4:	WazzupGenius00 posted... yeah the way you were treated is horrible and is exactly the reason why I tell people to NOT call the cops when a friend is suicidal unless you believe the danger is extremely imminent and you won't be able to get yourself or anyone else there in time Yep. I've even heard of a story where the cops had someone involuntarily committed who was NOT suicidal - they will take someone else's word over yours if you are accused, because immediately you are perceived to be lying. So definitely make sure you are POSITIVE someone needs immediate help if are going to call them. <cite>fuming posted [p:949850735] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>WazzupGenius00 posted... </cite> <quote>yeah the way you were treated is horrible and is exactly the reason why I tell people to NOT call the cops when a friend is suicidal unless you believe the danger is extremely imminent and you won't be able to get yourself or anyone else there in time</quote> Yep. I've even heard of a story where the cops had someone involuntarily committed who was NOT suicidal - they will take someone else's word over yours if you are accused, because immediately you are perceived to be lying. So definitely make sure you are POSITIVE someone needs immediate help if are going to call them. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
scarletspeed7 01/24/21 12:51:29 AM #5:	Johnbobb I just have no words to describe my feelings about this. The way we treat those who have to deal with mental health hurdles just shocks me. I wish I could provide more than the hollow 'if you need to talk' line, but it's there if you want. I just want to echo that I care about you and I'm just floored that you had to go through such an experience. --- "It is too easy being monsters. Let us try to be human." ~Victor Frankenstein, Penny Dreadful <cite>scarletspeed7 posted [p:949850936] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Johnbobb I just have no words to describe my feelings about this. The way we treat those who have to deal with mental health hurdles just shocks me. I wish I could provide more than the hollow 'if you need to talk' line, but it's there if you want. I just want to echo that I care about you and I'm just floored that you had to go through such an experience. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Sunroof 01/24/21 12:58:49 AM #6:	I have a friend who is suicidal. I called a suicide hotline and found out they are people whose literal jobs it is to just listen to you. It didnt do me any good since the suicidal friend never called them, but I reckon a lot of good can come from it. <cite>Sunroof posted [p:949851135] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I have a friend who is suicidal. I called a suicide hotline and found out they are people whose literal jobs it is to just listen to you. It didnt do me any good since the suicidal friend never called them, but I reckon a lot of good can come from it. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
HanOfTheNekos 01/24/21 1:24:36 AM #7:	Love you buddy. If there's any way I can help, let me know. --- "Bordate is a pretty shady place, what with the gangs, casinos, evil corporations and water park." - FAHtastic <cite>HanOfTheNekos posted [p:949851814] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Love you buddy. If there's any way I can help, let me know. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
azuarc 01/24/21 1:29:47 AM #8:	Sounds like you were treated like shit. I was admitted for a few days...god, almost 15 years ago now. My experience doesn't sound anything like yours. Pennsylvania code keeps a person locked up for three days, and then they have to be reevaluated, or at least that was the rule then. Nobody in the facility treated me like I was beneath them, though. I didn't love being there, but I didn't have the impression the people hated their jobs and their patients, or need to have my shoes taken for fear of hanging myself from my shoelaces. I mean, maybe it's different when you actually move forward with an attempt, but it sounds like things were definitely not handled correctly. As for moving forward, I'm not going to tell you it will get easier. But it might. One of the things that I definitely wasn't doing back then was staying true to the medication. I'd feel okay for a while and go off it, or maybe it wasn't really the right medication to start with. I definitely notice now if I accidentally miss a day. My mood is different enough that I can tell. However, that doesn't mean I don't ever had bad days, days when I'm convinced my life has no value or that the only reason I don't make some kind of plan is because my cats depend on me. So yeah, it sucks and it's shit, but I hope that you manage to cope in whatever form that takes. Just don't rule anything out until you've given it a legit shot. I used to think exercise was the dumbest thing in the freaking world, and now I really miss the gyms being closed due to COVID. One of the most important things for me, and I imagine for most of us, is a sense of worth and connection. The times when I've felt most like going off the deep end have honestly been the times I've feared losing my connection to this community. I hope you have several different networks you can feel a part of. --- Video Game Music Contest 14 champion: Idola Phantasy Star Saga - Endeavour <cite>azuarc posted [p:949851938] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Sounds like you were treated like shit. I was admitted for a few days...god, almost 15 years ago now. My experience doesn't sound anything like yours. Pennsylvania code keeps a person locked up for three days, and then they have to be reevaluated, or at least that was the rule then. Nobody in the facility treated me like I was beneath them, though. I didn't love being there, but I didn't have the impression the people hated their jobs and their patients, or need to have my shoes taken for fear of hanging myself from my shoelaces. I mean, maybe it's different when you actually move forward with an attempt, but it sounds like things were definitely not handled correctly. As for moving forward, I'm not going to tell you it will get easier. But it might. One of the things that I definitely wasn't doing back then was staying true to the medication. I'd feel okay for a while and go off it, or maybe it wasn't really the right medication to start with. I definitely notice now if I accidentally miss a day. My mood is different enough that I can tell. However, that doesn't mean I don't ever had bad days, days when I'm convinced my life has no value or that the only reason I don't make some kind of plan is because my cats depend on me. So yeah, it sucks and it's shit, but I hope that you manage to cope in whatever form that takes. Just don't rule anything out until you've given it a legit shot. I used to think exercise was the dumbest thing in the freaking world, and now I really miss the gyms being closed due to COVID. One of the most important things for me, and I imagine for most of us, is a sense of worth and connection. The times when I've felt most like going off the deep end have honestly been the times I've feared losing my connection to this community. I hope you have several different networks you can feel a part of. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
WarThaNemesis2 01/24/21 1:30:40 AM #9:	I'm really sorry to read about that, but also glad that you trust us with something this big. Love ya man. --- Not a stinky alien. :( Nintendo Switch Code: SW-5719-6555-8388 <cite>WarThaNemesis2 posted [p:949851969] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm really sorry to read about that, but also glad that you trust us with something this big. Love ya man. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
PrinceKaro 01/24/21 1:31:33 AM #10:	man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's. anyway I'm glad you are still around and know we are here for you if you are ever feeling bad.:3 --- https://i.imgtc.com/a6iBg1Y.jpg Congrats to azuarc* on being really good at predicting stuff* <cite>PrinceKaro posted [p:949851996] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's. anyway I'm glad you are still around and know we are here for you if you are ever feeling bad.:3 </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
ScareChan 01/24/21 1:51:06 AM #11:	JB I love you man, you know that and if you didn't a reminder always helps. --- Fastbreak Intensifies PSN TehScurr Switch friend code SW-5264-0547-1806 <cite>ScareChan posted [p:949852429] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>JB I love you man, you know that and if you didn't a reminder always helps. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
TheRock1525 01/24/21 2:01:50 AM #12:	Your experience sounds pretty much exactly what my father went through a little over a month ago. --- TheRock ~ I had a name, my father called me Blues. <cite>TheRock1525 posted [p:949852619] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Your experience sounds pretty much exactly what my father went through a little over a month ago. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Snake5555555555 01/24/21 2:08:31 AM #13:	Brave of you to share this and I'm relieved you're still here, I really consider you a good friend and I hate that you were treated like that. --- Hey, look on the bright side, there's nowhere but up from a canyon in hell. https://imgur.com/1e1e70S - https://imgur.com/a/bHIYzis <cite>Snake5555555555 posted [p:949852733] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Brave of you to share this and I'm relieved you're still here, I really consider you a good friend and I hate that you were treated like that. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
BetrayedTangy 01/24/21 2:08:52 AM #14:	The way this country handles mental health is seriously appalling. Every 'resource' I've seen just makes you feel like a burden and ends up hurting more than helping. I'm glad you're still here and we have your back if you need any help. Having a good support system can really work wonders. --- https://www.backloggery.com/betrayedtangerin <cite>BetrayedTangy posted [p:949852741] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>The way this country handles mental health is seriously appalling. Every 'resource' I've seen just makes you feel like a burden and ends up hurting more than helping. I'm glad you're still here and we have your back if you need any help. Having a good support system can really work wonders. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
#15	Post #15 was unavailable or deleted.
Haunter12O 01/24/21 2:12:12 AM #16:	Sometimes it is difficult to hold thoughts like this in without sharing them. Sometimes there's nobody to share it with, but I am glad you find that this is a place where you can let it out. In 2015 I tried to kill myself. This was after 3-4 years struggling with undiagnosed depression (I was too afraid to seek help and didn't want to tell anyone due to stigma beliefs). I think the hardest part of that entire experience was that I had nobody to turn to and didn't know how to talk to anyone about what I was experiencing. My parents didn't think there was anything wrong with me and told me to snap out of it. Nobody really understood what I perceived I was going through and that's okay with me, because I was too afraid to share my experiences with anyone so I didn't expect anyone to come help. I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it. If you need any help or anyone to talk to I am here. I only mainly lurk on this board sometimes (spend more time on NGG and RPGs) but I saw the topic was buzzing on my favorites list and read your post. <cite>Haunter12O posted [p:949852802] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Sometimes it is difficult to hold thoughts like this in without sharing them. Sometimes there's nobody to share it with, but I am glad you find that this is a place where you can let it out. In 2015 I tried to kill myself. This was after 3-4 years struggling with undiagnosed depression (I was too afraid to seek help and didn't want to tell anyone due to stigma beliefs). I think the hardest part of that entire experience was that I had nobody to turn to and didn't know how to talk to anyone about what I was experiencing. My parents didn't think there was anything wrong with me and told me to snap out of it. Nobody really understood what I perceived I was going through and that's okay with me, because I was too afraid to share my experiences with anyone so I didn't expect anyone to come help. I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it. If you need any help or anyone to talk to I am here. I only mainly lurk on this board sometimes (spend more time on NGG and RPGs) but I saw the topic was buzzing on my favorites list and read your post. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
#17	Post #17 was unavailable or deleted.
ChaosTonyV4 01/24/21 2:34:43 AM #18:	Im so angry you had to go through all this. It shouldnt be like this, Im sorry man, please stay with us. --- Phantom Dust. "I'll just wait for time to prove me right again." - Vlado <cite>ChaosTonyV4 posted [p:949853238] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Im so angry you had to go through all this. It shouldnt be like this, Im sorry man, please stay with us. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Inviso 01/24/21 2:44:29 AM #19:	Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry. --- Touch fuzzy. Get fuzzier. Inviso <cite>Inviso posted [p:949853416] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Shonen_Bat 01/24/21 2:46:23 AM #20:	Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like. --- Hello again. <cite>Shonen_Bat posted [p:949853442] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Bane_Of_Despair 01/24/21 2:49:41 AM #21:	On top of everything else people in here already said, also super cool that they give you the privilege to pay that amount of money for services that left a hole inside of messed up feelings. All aspects of healthcare whether physical or mental are really fucked for so many people, it sucks that it happens to so many. Glad you're still here with us though, you're a great poster of topics and general posts! Not that if you weren't I would think the opposite, just an added bonus. --- You were the cancer, that's all you'll ever be I really messed up this contest, but azuarc gave it a Breath of fresh air <cite>Bane_Of_Despair posted [p:949853504] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>On top of everything else people in here already said, also super cool that they give you the privilege to pay that amount of money for services that left a hole inside of messed up feelings. All aspects of healthcare whether physical or mental are really fucked for so many people, it sucks that it happens to so many. Glad you're still here with us though, you're a great poster of topics and general posts! Not that if you weren't I would think the opposite, just an added bonus. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
banananor 01/24/21 3:26:43 AM #22:	I'm glad you're okay, and I appreciate that you shared this --- You did indeed stab me in the back. However, you are only level one, whilst I am level 50. That means I should remain uninjured. <cite>banananor posted [p:949853990] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm glad you're okay, and I appreciate that you shared this </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
NBIceman 01/24/21 3:32:12 AM #23:	You and I have never directly interacted much, but I'm real glad you're still here. I hope things get better. --- https://imgur.com/UYamul2 Spurs - Yankees - Eagles - Golden Knights <cite>NBIceman posted [p:949854053] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>You and I have never directly interacted much, but I'm real glad you're still here. I hope things get better. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Cavedweller2000 01/24/21 4:12:12 AM #24:	I'm not gonna lie, that sounds absolutely terrifying. Really glad you're still here. --- Well done to azuarc for finishing 67 places above me in the 2020 GOTD Guru Contest! <cite>Cavedweller2000 posted [p:949854524] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm not gonna lie, that sounds absolutely terrifying. Really glad you're still here. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
MetalmindStats 01/24/21 5:08:25 AM #25:	Thank you for posting all this, Johnbobb. I know it's rather anodyne, but I want to reiterate that I, too, care about you, and I'm always open to listen if you ever want to talk. --- "I believe in a universe that doesn't care and people who do." Hylian hits dizzying heights others daren't aim for. He's the Celeste of Board 8 users. <cite>MetalmindStats posted [p:949855119] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Thank you for posting all this, Johnbobb. I know it's rather anodyne, but I want to reiterate that I, too, care about you, and I'm always open to listen if you ever want to talk. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
SeabassDebeste 01/24/21 7:39:13 AM #26:	that is incredibly dehumanizing and i'm enraged. the details you put in like being allowed outside but not being allowed shoes (or change of clothes?!) really make my blood boil. no idea how you're supposed to handle things from here. i'm the last person you need to tell you that you have value. but yeah, you have value, and i'd miss you if we lost you. --- yet all azuarc of all sorts are more or less capricious and unreliable - they live in the varying outer weather, and they inhale its fickleness <cite>SeabassDebeste posted [p:949856623] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>that is incredibly dehumanizing and i'm enraged. the details you put in like being allowed outside but not being allowed shoes (or change of clothes?!) really make my blood boil. no idea how you're supposed to handle things from here. i'm the last person you need to tell you that you have value. but yeah, you have value, and i'd miss you if we lost you.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Tom Bombadil 01/24/21 7:58:20 AM #27:	I am glad you are still with us. I like you. I hope things start improving. holy SHIT that sounds like an awful "medical" experience what the fuck --- https://imgtc.com/i/uWMMlnN.png Radiant wings as the skies rejoice, arise, and illuminate the morn. <cite>Tom Bombadil posted [p:949856883] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I am glad you are still with us. I like you. I hope things start improving. holy SHIT that sounds like an awful "medical" experience what the fuck </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Underleveled 01/24/21 8:15:20 AM #28:	Inviso posted... Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry. Pretty much sums up my feelings on this. Glad you're still with us dude. --- darkx Games beaten in 2021 - 6; Most recent - Hey! Pikmin <cite>Underleveled posted [p:949857145] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Inviso posted... </cite> <quote>Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry.</quote>Pretty much sums up my feelings on this. Glad you're still with us dude. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Seginustemple 01/24/21 8:16:19 AM #29:	Good lord is that how we treat potential suicide victims, detaining them and charging them out the ass? Some morale booster. But I'm glad you hesitated and can at least confide in us in some way. I've heard VRchat can be pretty effective place for therapy or just talking shit out, whatever you wanna call it. I've never done VR but I imagine it's got potential to be a bit more genuine than some hotline worker on an hourly wage --- You bow to no one, azuarc <cite>Seginustemple posted [p:949857160] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Good lord is that how we treat potential suicide victims, detaining them and charging them out the ass? Some morale booster. But I'm glad you hesitated and can at least confide in us in some way. I've heard VRchat can be pretty effective place for therapy or just talking shit out, whatever you wanna call it. I've never done VR but I imagine it's got potential to be a bit more genuine than some hotline worker on an hourly wage</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Raka_Putra 01/24/21 8:35:00 AM #30:	I'm really glad that you're still here and that you reached out. You're a great guy. --- Into the woods, but mind the past... Into the woods, but mind the future! <cite>Raka_Putra posted [p:949857436] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I'm really glad that you're still here and that you reached out. You're a great guy. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
pezzicle 01/24/21 9:13:30 AM #31:	The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily. Just so you know, they don't actually have to give you that option. They should, for sure, and as someone who works at a mental health hospital, I always do. But they don't have to when they (what we call) "forming you" When they assess risk, if it breaches a certain level, they are obligated to put you on an involuntary order. They can ask you if you'd like to go in, but they are still going to put you on an order (and will tell you that) because of you are voluntary you can leave under your own volition. Suicide attempts are automatically formed. That's just the way it works. Sounds like you had am awful experience and I'm sorry for that, but I just wanted to point out that piece because if it was bothering you, that is actually the way that it works --- Tribe Time! <cite>pezzicle posted [p:949858102] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote><quote>The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily.</quote> Just so you know, they don't actually have to give you that option. They should, for sure, and as someone who works at a mental health hospital, I always do. But they don't have to when they (what we call) "forming you" When they assess risk, if it breaches a certain level, they are obligated to put you on an involuntary order. They can ask you if you'd like to go in, but they are still going to put you on an order (and will tell you that) because of you are voluntary you can leave under your own volition. Suicide attempts are automatically formed. That's just the way it works. Sounds like you had am awful experience and I'm sorry for that, but I just wanted to point out that piece because if it was bothering you, that is actually the way that it works </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
foolm0r0n 01/24/21 10:17:36 AM #32:	I knew mental health care was bad but I didn't know it was literally prison like that. Prison might even be better. So your post definitely helps with that awareness at least. You should definitely talk with E imo. She is an example of a 3rd party who would gladly help you in this kind of situation, unlike the cops. She already knows the situation so there's nothing to lose. --- _foolmo_ 2 + 2 = azuarc <cite>foolm0r0n posted [p:949859321] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I knew mental health care was bad but I didn't know it was literally prison like that. Prison might even be better. So your post definitely helps with that awareness at least. You should definitely talk with E imo. She is an example of a 3rd party who would gladly help you in this kind of situation, unlike the cops. She already knows the situation so there's nothing to lose. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
ZenOfThunder 01/24/21 10:30:38 AM #33:	Hey I know we are all just names on the internet without faces but for what its worth I think you are really fucking cool and I look forward to seeing you on here now and forever. I know this may not mean much to you but it means a bunch to me to have you here and I'm sure it means a lot to all of us --- (\|\| ' ' \|\|) "Your First Thought" - A (sometimes) daily topic series 'bout thinkin': . /\|_\|\ https://bit.ly/YFTB8 [azuarc] <cite>ZenOfThunder posted [p:949859600] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Hey I know we are all just names on the internet without faces but for what its worth I think you are really fucking cool and I look forward to seeing you on here now and forever. I know this may not mean much to you but it means a bunch to me to have you here and I'm sure it means a lot to all of us </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
INCEPTlON 01/24/21 10:55:54 AM #34:	You are legitimately one of the nicest people Ive ever met on Gamefaqs and you are just a quality guy all around. Im so sorry youve been through this, but I really really really want you to be here, healthy and safe. Vent anytime you need --- FC: SW-8288-8096-1115 <cite>INCEPTlON posted [p:949860187] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>You are legitimately one of the nicest people Ive ever met on Gamefaqs and you are just a quality guy all around. Im so sorry youve been through this, but I really really really want you to be here, healthy and safe. Vent anytime you need </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Johnbobb 01/24/21 11:09:37 AM #35:	I really appreciate all the comments. Something about trying to talk to people like this feels a lot more manageable than actually in person, especially since some of the people on this board I talk to as much or more than most people irl. Not going to individually respond to every comment but there are definitely some things I want to address. fuming posted... Yep. I've even heard of a story where the cops had someone involuntarily committed who was NOT suicidal - they will take someone else's word over yours if you are accused, because immediately you are perceived to be lying. So definitely make sure you are POSITIVE someone needs immediate help if are going to call them. So apparently that was what happened with the woman who was checked in at the same time as me. A friend brought her to the ER to seek help, and they involuntarily committed her, despite her saying she wasn't suicidal. She had a very young child at home too. Sunroof posted... I have a friend who is suicidal. I called a suicide hotline and found out they are people whose literal jobs it is to just listen to you. It didnt do me any good since the suicidal friend never called them, but I reckon a lot of good can come from it. Yeah, that's the catch-22 with suicide hotlines. They're good and useful but in the moment a lot of the time the last thing you want to do is try to have someone talk you down. In my situation I didn't even bring my phone with me on the drive out because I was convinced I wouldn't be needing it. In hindsight, I think a part of me was still hoping someone would notice and talk to me, as much as I also just wanted to be alone. azuarc posted... Sounds like you were treated like shit. I was admitted for a few days...god, almost 15 years ago now. My experience doesn't sound anything like yours. Pennsylvania code keeps a person locked up for three days, and then they have to be reevaluated, or at least that was the rule then. Nobody in the facility treated me like I was beneath them, though. I didn't love being there, but I didn't have the impression the people hated their jobs and their patients, or need to have my shoes taken for fear of hanging myself from my shoelaces. I mean, maybe it's different when you actually move forward with an attempt, but it sounds like things were definitely not handled correctly. I don't know when things changed, but yeah, it's 5 days minimum now under a 302. Voluntary admissions need to give 72-hour notice when they want to leave, which also seems excessive. As far as the care, when I was being held there I spent most of my time talking to other patients. Some had been bounced around from facility to facility, and specifically they mentioned some facilities are way worse than others, and ours was definitely on the lower end. Luck of the draw I guess. I was sent there because nowhere within a 2-hour radius had open beds apparently. I can't imagine a lot of people willingly choose that place. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949860531] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I really appreciate all the comments. Something about trying to talk to people like this feels a lot more manageable than actually in person, especially since some of the people on this board I talk to as much or more than most people irl. Not going to individually respond to every comment but there are definitely some things I want to address. fuming posted... </cite> <quote>Yep. I've even heard of a story where the cops had someone involuntarily committed who was NOT suicidal - they will take someone else's word over yours if you are accused, because immediately you are perceived to be lying. So definitely make sure you are POSITIVE someone needs immediate help if are going to call them.</quote> So apparently that was what happened with the woman who was checked in at the same time as me. A friend brought her to the ER to seek help, and they involuntarily committed her, despite her saying she wasn't suicidal. She had a very young child at home too. Sunroof posted... </cite> <quote>I have a friend who is suicidal. I called a suicide hotline and found out they are people whose literal jobs it is to just listen to you. It didnt do me any good since the suicidal friend never called them, but I reckon a lot of good can come from it.</quote> Yeah, that's the catch-22 with suicide hotlines. They're good and useful but in the moment a lot of the time the last thing you want to do is try to have someone talk you down. In my situation I didn't even bring my phone with me on the drive out because I was convinced I wouldn't be needing it. In hindsight, I think a part of me was still hoping someone would notice and talk to me, as much as I also just wanted to be alone. azuarc posted... </cite> <quote>Sounds like you were treated like shit. I was admitted for a few days...god, almost 15 years ago now. My experience doesn't sound anything like yours. Pennsylvania code keeps a person locked up for three days, and then they have to be reevaluated, or at least that was the rule then. Nobody in the facility treated me like I was beneath them, though. I didn't love being there, but I didn't have the impression the people hated their jobs and their patients, or need to have my shoes taken for fear of hanging myself from my shoelaces. I mean, maybe it's different when you actually move forward with an attempt, but it sounds like things were definitely not handled correctly.</quote> I don't know when things changed, but yeah, it's 5 days minimum now under a 302. Voluntary admissions need to give 72-hour notice when they want to leave, which also seems excessive. As far as the care, when I was being held there I spent most of my time talking to other patients. Some had been bounced around from facility to facility, and specifically they mentioned some facilities are way worse than others, and ours was definitely on the lower end. Luck of the draw I guess. I was sent there because nowhere within a 2-hour radius had open beds apparently. I can't imagine a lot of people willingly choose that place. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Johnbobb 01/24/21 11:10:15 AM #36:	gonna respond to more of this in a while but getting something to eat --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949860544] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>gonna respond to more of this in a while but getting something to eat </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Alanna82 01/24/21 11:11:32 AM #37:	I actually got a degree in psychology from college. I decided not to pursue it because of a bad experience working for one. Its sad that people do not take mental health seriously. Ironically, getting off anti depressants was the best thing for my brother and me. My brother kept changing his medications and they kept making him worse. My mother insisted he go off all medication for like 3 months to get everything out of his system and after that he got so much better. My depression is actually more seasonal and since I married my husband, I have a support. I've actually been less depressed since I went off my medication. I'd advise you tell your friend. That's what helped me through tough times. --- Don't mess with a Bunny! <cite>Alanna82 posted [p:949860564] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>I actually got a degree in psychology from college. I decided not to pursue it because of a bad experience working for one. Its sad that people do not take mental health seriously. Ironically, getting off anti depressants was the best thing for my brother and me. My brother kept changing his medications and they kept making him worse. My mother insisted he go off all medication for like 3 months to get everything out of his system and after that he got so much better. My depression is actually more seasonal and since I married my husband, I have a support. I've actually been less depressed since I went off my medication. I'd advise you tell your friend. That's what helped me through tough times. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Zigzagoon 01/24/21 11:13:00 AM #38:	Glad you are alright johnbobb. Really hoping things take the turn for the better. --- ~Silver_Ermine~ http://24.media.tumblr.com/tumblr_m9r5hhXQbJ1rbct63o1_500.gif <cite>Zigzagoon posted [p:949860602] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Glad you are alright johnbobb. Really hoping things take the turn for the better. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
turbopuns3 01/24/21 11:39:20 AM #39:	Hey Johnbobb. I'm glad you're here and talking about it. I've always loved how into movies you are, by the way. It's cool knowing someone who can just serve as a replacement for a cinematic encyclopedia. Similar to E, I was a third party close to a situation involving an attempted/threatened suicide before. I had to go in the house of a couple I'd only visited once or twice and knock on their bedroom door and wake them up in the middle of the night. I think it is important to sit down and talk it all out. It is a huge thing to process and it's ok to lean on others to help you deal with everything. <cite>turbopuns3 posted [p:949861256] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Hey Johnbobb. I'm glad you're here and talking about it. I've always loved how into movies you are, by the way. It's cool knowing someone who can just serve as a replacement for a cinematic encyclopedia. Similar to E, I was a third party close to a situation involving an attempted/threatened suicide before. I had to go in the house of a couple I'd only visited once or twice and knock on their bedroom door and wake them up in the middle of the night. I think it is important to sit down and talk it all out. It is a huge thing to process and it's ok to lean on others to help you deal with everything. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
masterplum 01/24/21 11:43:02 AM #40:	Man, I would call the ACLU and refuse to pay for that. I would go full scorched earth --- https://pbs.twimg.com/media/BdWiElvIQAAQpBt.jpg <cite>masterplum posted [p:949861353] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Man, I would call the ACLU and refuse to pay for that. I would go full scorched earth </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
ChaoticKnuckles 01/24/21 11:54:43 AM #41:	Johnbobb posted... I'm really hesitant to talk about it, largely because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, at least not 1 on 1. I'm hoping talking about it like this will make it easier, but I don't know, I just know I need to say it. About a month and a half ago, I tried to kill myself. I went out on a highway bridge overlooking the Susquehanna river late in the evening, with the intention of jumping, but when I was leaning over the rail, I hesitated. It was cold, dark and cars were flying by me across the bridge. In my hesitation, a cop saw me, and made me go with him to the hospital. At the hospital, I was treated like shit by the ER staff. Locked in an empty room for hours on end, with the staff refusing to tell me anything about my situation. The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily. The nurse was hostile toward me, degrading me and insisting that whatever happens to me is my own fault (while also refusing to tell me what was actually happening). I stayed in that room for hours, watching the wall. Eventually I was able to call my girlfriend, tell her where I was, and have her bring by my CPAP so I could sleep. Late at night a nurse came in, watching me sleep to make sure I didn't do anything overnight. I wasn't allowed to eat dinner that night or breakfast the next morning, or to take my prescribed anti-depressants the next morning. Then they shipped me off over two hours away, strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. They dropped me off in a psychiatric center. I had to ask the staff there what city I was even in. There's a lot I want to say about my experience there, so much that it's hard to even know where to start. I was allowed 2 10-minute phone calls per day, if I signed up early. I wasn't allowed to keep my shoes. It would be two days later when my case worker insisted they provide me with a change of clothes, as I was still wearing the 3-days dirty shirt and shorts I had been wearing. There were smoke breaks a few times a day, which was the only outside time allowed. But I didn't have shoes or a coat and it was mid-December, so I didn't take them often. Most of the people there didn't really need a facility like that. Many were just young kids who needed help that that place certainly wasn't providing. A couple were elderly, needing nursing home level care, again requiring more than they were getting there. They were all good people. The facility was useless. Many patients complained of almost never getting to actually see their therapists or case workers. Their "group therapy" was really just disinterested nurses reading questions off index cards. About half the time, they didn't even do that, and just skipped the scheduled sessions altogether. On my third day I met my case worker, a really nice woman who was the first person in a position of authority who'd been willing to listen to me since the situation started. She was confused why the hospital wouldn't give me the option of signing in voluntarily, and explained that because I was signed over involuntarily, I was required to stay there 5 days minimum. After 5 days, they could hold a court case to see if I needed to be there longer, but given that I was one of the most level-headed patients in the facility, she had no reason to believe that would happen. She gave me a bunch of papers on trying to get the commitment expunged from my criminal record, a process that I'm still working on. On the fifth day, I was allowed to leave. I spent most of the day crying, despite not having done so the week I was there. They diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, but didn't change my medication, as I was already scheduled to meet with my PCP about a week later (in regards to a new med I had just recently started). The only people who knew about my situation were my girlfriend and her best friend [I'll call her E] (who only found out because we needed her help getting my car off the side of the highway). My work knew I was out for a "medical emergency" but didn't question it too much aside from asking if I was okay. It's hard to say how much they know, but if they knew more details, they never said. My family still doesn't know I was ever in the hospital, though I'm not close with most of them anyway. Sometime next month I'm starting a group therapy thing over Zoom that I'm pretty hesitant about, but it's free, so I'm not turning it down, especially after receiving close to $6,000 in bills from the hospital and facility. Also meeting with a psychiatrist late next month. Been working on applying for medical assistance. By all means I make little enough and have enough bills to qualify, some I'm hoping everything works out there. The hospital emailed me asking me to fill out a patient satisfaction survey. When I did, the Patient Representative Office called to apologize if their customer service wasn't satisfactory but also to firmly inform me that they did nothing wrong and acted completely appropriately. (Fun fact: there was another woman in my facility who, as it turned out, was ALSO being held in the hospital's ER the same night as me, and ALSO was kept in the dark and not informed of her rights). I don't know what I really want to come from this post. Maybe nothing, I just need to actually be able to say it, in some way or another. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to E since; the knowledge that she knows just kind of sits in the air heavy and makes me unable to speak to her. It's humiliating, and I don't want that to happen with anyone else. I'm hoping the more public forum makes up for that? idk This isn't like a cry for pity and I don't want people worrying about me or feeling sorry for me, I'm just sick of holding this in. The experience eats at me, constantly sinking back into my thoughts. I'm sad, angry, scared, and just constantly exhausted. I appreciate the people here for being some sort of an outlet. I've got quite a few close friends here, and a sense of community on top of that, and it's easy to take that for granted. For the people on discord, I'd appreciate if this stays an "in here" thing; hence why I'm not saying it in group chats or anything of the nature. If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask. Also feel free to say nothing; I won't take offense. This has been more a space to vent than anything else. Either way, thanks for reading. This hits home with me. This is a HUGE problem with our mental healthcare system. The same sort of thing happened to my former wife. She was honest enough with me to tell me that she was feeling like she wouldnt make it through the weekend and so we took her to the emergency room because none of the specialists we called could see her for weeks. And they put her in a similar place at the hospital. I suspect they would have treated her far worse if she had been alone but both me and her brother were there and hes a cop. It made me very angry, she didnt need to be in a padded room with nothing in it, she needed better medication and someone to talk to who could help her through it. --- You look EXTREMELY immature when you announce that you're about to ignore someone. No one cares, including the person about to be ignored. Just FYI. <cite>ChaoticKnuckles posted [p:949861657] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Johnbobb posted... </cite> <quote>I'm really hesitant to talk about it, largely because I haven't really been able to talk to anyone about it, at least not 1 on 1. I'm hoping talking about it like this will make it easier, but I don't know, I just know I need to say it. About a month and a half ago, I tried to kill myself. I went out on a highway bridge overlooking the Susquehanna river late in the evening, with the intention of jumping, but when I was leaning over the rail, I hesitated. It was cold, dark and cars were flying by me across the bridge. In my hesitation, a cop saw me, and made me go with him to the hospital. At the hospital, I was treated like shit by the ER staff. Locked in an empty room for hours on end, with the staff refusing to tell me anything about my situation. The physician saw me very briefly, immediately signed me over to be involuntarily committed to a mental institution without telling me or even presenting me with the option to sign in voluntarily. The nurse was hostile toward me, degrading me and insisting that whatever happens to me is my own fault (while also refusing to tell me what was actually happening). I stayed in that room for hours, watching the wall. Eventually I was able to call my girlfriend, tell her where I was, and have her bring by my CPAP so I could sleep. Late at night a nurse came in, watching me sleep to make sure I didn't do anything overnight. I wasn't allowed to eat dinner that night or breakfast the next morning, or to take my prescribed anti-depressants the next morning. Then they shipped me off over two hours away, strapped to a gurney in the back of an ambulance. They dropped me off in a psychiatric center. I had to ask the staff there what city I was even in. There's a lot I want to say about my experience there, so much that it's hard to even know where to start. I was allowed 2 10-minute phone calls per day, if I signed up early. I wasn't allowed to keep my shoes. It would be two days later when my case worker insisted they provide me with a change of clothes, as I was still wearing the 3-days dirty shirt and shorts I had been wearing. There were smoke breaks a few times a day, which was the only outside time allowed. But I didn't have shoes or a coat and it was mid-December, so I didn't take them often. Most of the people there didn't really need a facility like that. Many were just young kids who needed help that that place certainly wasn't providing. A couple were elderly, needing nursing home level care, again requiring more than they were getting there. They were all good people. The facility was useless. Many patients complained of almost never getting to actually see their therapists or case workers. Their "group therapy" was really just disinterested nurses reading questions off index cards. About half the time, they didn't even do that, and just skipped the scheduled sessions altogether. On my third day I met my case worker, a really nice woman who was the first person in a position of authority who'd been willing to listen to me since the situation started. She was confused why the hospital wouldn't give me the option of signing in voluntarily, and explained that because I was signed over involuntarily, I was required to stay there 5 days minimum. After 5 days, they could hold a court case to see if I needed to be there longer, but given that I was one of the most level-headed patients in the facility, she had no reason to believe that would happen. She gave me a bunch of papers on trying to get the commitment expunged from my criminal record, a process that I'm still working on. On the fifth day, I was allowed to leave. I spent most of the day crying, despite not having done so the week I was there. They diagnosed me with Major Depressive Disorder and Adjustment Disorder, but didn't change my medication, as I was already scheduled to meet with my PCP about a week later (in regards to a new med I had just recently started). The only people who knew about my situation were my girlfriend and her best friend [I'll call her E] (who only found out because we needed her help getting my car off the side of the highway). My work knew I was out for a "medical emergency" but didn't question it too much aside from asking if I was okay. It's hard to say how much they know, but if they knew more details, they never said. My family still doesn't know I was ever in the hospital, though I'm not close with most of them anyway. Sometime next month I'm starting a group therapy thing over Zoom that I'm pretty hesitant about, but it's free, so I'm not turning it down, especially after receiving close to $6,000 in bills from the hospital and facility. Also meeting with a psychiatrist late next month. Been working on applying for medical assistance. By all means I make little enough and have enough bills to qualify, some I'm hoping everything works out there. The hospital emailed me asking me to fill out a patient satisfaction survey. When I did, the Patient Representative Office called to apologize if their customer service wasn't satisfactory but also to firmly inform me that they did nothing wrong and acted completely appropriately. (Fun fact: there was another woman in my facility who, as it turned out, was ALSO being held in the hospital's ER the same night as me, and ALSO was kept in the dark and not informed of her rights). I don't know what I really want to come from this post. Maybe nothing, I just need to actually be able to say it, in some way or another. I haven't been able to bring myself to talk to E since; the knowledge that she knows just kind of sits in the air heavy and makes me unable to speak to her. It's humiliating, and I don't want that to happen with anyone else. I'm hoping the more public forum makes up for that? idk This isn't like a cry for pity and I don't want people worrying about me or feeling sorry for me, I'm just sick of holding this in. The experience eats at me, constantly sinking back into my thoughts. I'm sad, angry, scared, and just constantly exhausted. I appreciate the people here for being some sort of an outlet. I've got quite a few close friends here, and a sense of community on top of that, and it's easy to take that for granted. For the people on discord, I'd appreciate if this stays an "in here" thing; hence why I'm not saying it in group chats or anything of the nature. If anyone has questions about anything, feel free to ask. Also feel free to say nothing; I won't take offense. This has been more a space to vent than anything else. Either way, thanks for reading.</quote> This hits home with me. This is a HUGE problem with our mental healthcare system. The same sort of thing happened to my former wife. She was honest enough with me to tell me that she was feeling like she wouldnt make it through the weekend and so we took her to the emergency room because none of the specialists we called could see her for weeks. And they put her in a similar place at the hospital. I suspect they would have treated her far worse if she had been alone but both me and her brother were there and hes a cop. It made me very angry, she didnt need to be in a padded room with nothing in it, she needed better medication and someone to talk to who could help her through it. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Tom Bombadil 01/24/21 11:57:51 AM #42:	So then how do we fix it? Yell at the Senate? I'm kinda fired up now. --- https://imgtc.com/i/uWMMlnN.png Radiant wings as the skies rejoice, arise, and illuminate the morn. <cite>Tom Bombadil posted [p:949861742] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>So then how do we fix it? Yell at the Senate? I'm kinda fired up now. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Raetsel_Lapin 01/24/21 12:31:27 PM #43:	We've never really interacted outside of your ranking topics and your RPG, but for whatever it's worth, I've always enjoyed your ranking topics. Our interests aren't often compatible, but I like participating and seeing your different viewpoint on things. And while it probably wasn't much to you, letting me into that RPG meant a lot to me. I figured you'd either throw in a "no child characters rule" or "nothing that furry" rule or otherwise question things, but you (and everyone else participating) let me be a small rabbit without any complaints. It was probably the first time I really felt welcome on the board and it was truly one of my best experiences anywhere on GameFAQs. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for that... so thanks for including me and just generally being a cool dude! You mean more to people here than you know. --- Temporary Signature <cite>Raetsel_Lapin posted [p:949862659] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>We've never really interacted outside of your ranking topics and your RPG, but for whatever it's worth, I've always enjoyed your ranking topics. Our interests aren't often compatible, but I like participating and seeing your different viewpoint on things. And while it probably wasn't much to you, letting me into that RPG meant a lot to me. I figured you'd either throw in a "no child characters rule" or "nothing that furry" rule or otherwise question things, but you (and everyone else participating) let me be a small rabbit without any complaints. It was probably the first time I really felt welcome on the board and it was truly one of my best experiences anywhere on GameFAQs. I don't think I ever properly thanked you for that... so thanks for including me and just generally being a cool dude! You mean more to people here than you know.</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Johnbobb 01/24/21 12:35:14 PM #44:	PrinceKaro posted... man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's. I'd been mostly sad until I got that call. Then I was furious. I was essentially told "if the physician said it wasn't a problem, then it wasn't." All my issues were completely discarded. UltimaterializerX posted... Work has tested me multiple times per week for covid and it's all been negative, so you have no worries there. Yeah, that was one nice thing, I was required to get tested before going in. Which is good, because none of the patients have masks (because there are no strings allowed; they made me throw away the mask the hospital gave me). When I got out, I tried walking into a grocery store with no mask and didn't realize I was doing something wrong until everyone around me gave me dirty looks; my week in the facility had me almost forget COVID was happening. Haunter12O posted... I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it. Glad you're still around as well. I've essentially been trying to figure out a working anti-depressant dose with my doctor for what must be going on 2 years now. The first one I was on made me too groggy and had me sleeping through my alarms in the morning, making me late for work. The next one I was on had less side effects (though I have noticed much more sensitivity to temperature) but wasn't helping enough, so they doubled my dose. Then back in late Novemberish/early December I was put on a new one in addition to the one I was already on, which I'm now off because 1. it's fucking expensive and 2. it wasn't helping. I've also gone a couple days without any but the withdrawal was worse than anything UltimaterializerX posted... It is literally exactly like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie with the case worker rolling her eyes and not giving a shit. They don't care. see, that's the crazy thing, my case worker was the only one who cared. The physician, nurses, etc. all disregarded me. I got lucky by having a case worker that actually listened to me, noticed that I was well-spoken and fully cognizant despite my disheveled appearance. She set me up with the zoom group, gave me a ton of papers and suggestions. Literally a saving grace in an otherwise terrible system. Inviso posted... Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry. It is unbelievable how much you're treated like a prisoner. The other patients there will luckily clue you in on which staff members are nice and which will treat you like shit so you know who to avoid. Shonen_Bat posted... Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like. I'm the same way, I always have trouble communicating with people, especially irl. Most in-person friends I've made have just been casual coworker friendships I don't hang out with or my partner's friends. Right now, it's hard to say. A little better than I was in some ways, worse in others. When I get sad sometimes it'll spiral and I just end up kind of shutting down, with just a deep internal ache. That hasn't gone away, but at the same time I don't think I'm likely to attempt anything again, mostly because I know what's waiting on the other side of the attempt now. There's a deep-seeded feeling of worthlessness and that I'm wasting my life that never really goes away. I'm mostly just taking it day by day right now. Work has kinda sucked lately, to the point that part of me wants to just quit and find something new, but that's obviously a bad idea, especially before getting the expungement. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949862779] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>PrinceKaro posted... </cite> <quote>man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's.</quote>I'd been mostly sad until I got that call. Then I was furious. I was essentially told "if the physician said it wasn't a problem, then it wasn't." All my issues were completely discarded. UltimaterializerX posted... </cite> <quote>Work has tested me multiple times per week for covid and it's all been negative, so you have no worries there.</quote>Yeah, that was one nice thing, I was required to get tested before going in. Which is good, because none of the patients have masks (because there are no strings allowed; they made me throw away the mask the hospital gave me). When I got out, I tried walking into a grocery store with no mask and didn't realize I was doing something wrong until everyone around me gave me dirty looks; my week in the facility had me almost forget COVID was happening. Haunter12O posted... </cite> <quote>I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it.</quote>Glad you're still around as well. I've essentially been trying to figure out a working anti-depressant dose with my doctor for what must be going on 2 years now. The first one I was on made me too groggy and had me sleeping through my alarms in the morning, making me late for work. The next one I was on had less side effects (though I have noticed much more sensitivity to temperature) but wasn't helping enough, so they doubled my dose. Then back in late Novemberish/early December I was put on a new one in addition to the one I was already on, which I'm now off because 1. it's fucking expensive and 2. it wasn't helping. I've also gone a couple days without any but the withdrawal was worse than anything UltimaterializerX posted... </cite> <quote>It is literally exactly like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie with the case worker rolling her eyes and not giving a shit. They don't care.</quote>see, that's the crazy thing, my case worker was the only one who cared. The physician, nurses, etc. all disregarded me. I got lucky by having a case worker that actually listened to me, noticed that I was well-spoken and fully cognizant despite my disheveled appearance. She set me up with the zoom group, gave me a ton of papers and suggestions. Literally a saving grace in an otherwise terrible system. Inviso posted... </cite> <quote>Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry.</quote>It is unbelievable how much you're treated like a prisoner. The other patients there will luckily clue you in on which staff members are nice and which will treat you like shit so you know who to avoid. Shonen_Bat posted... </cite> <quote>Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like.</quote>I'm the same way, I always have trouble communicating with people, especially irl. Most in-person friends I've made have just been casual coworker friendships I don't hang out with or my partner's friends. Right now, it's hard to say. A little better than I was in some ways, worse in others. When I get sad sometimes it'll spiral and I just end up kind of shutting down, with just a deep internal ache. That hasn't gone away, but at the same time I don't think I'm likely to attempt anything again, mostly because I know what's waiting on the other side of the attempt now. There's a deep-seeded feeling of worthlessness and that I'm wasting my life that never really goes away. I'm mostly just taking it day by day right now. Work has kinda sucked lately, to the point that part of me wants to just quit and find something new, but that's obviously a bad idea, especially before getting the expungement. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
pjbasis 01/24/21 12:48:32 PM #45:	Man I feel like I wasted my life and continue to all the time. If I didn't have such a strong family connection I may have done something that like by now. You should make a topic anytime you feel like you might do something drastic, or PM some of the many people who offered. --- http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr345/Rakaputra/B8%20Girls%202012/pjbas.png <cite>pjbasis posted [p:949863153] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Man I feel like I wasted my life and continue to all the time. If I didn't have such a strong family connection I may have done something that like by now. You should make a topic anytime you feel like you might do something drastic, or PM some of the many people who offered. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
jcgamer107 01/24/21 12:50:33 PM #46:	Holy shit dude. All I can say is I'm glad you're alive and our mental health system is so fucked. Reminds me of Unsane, where they force people in just to get insurance money. I don't know if you're pursuing a therapist, but I'm set on doing that soon - my mental health hasn't been great during Covid. If your insurance doesn't cover a good one near you, there's remote online therapy (I had a good therapist on betterhelp for a couple years). --- azuarc wasn't even home. he was playing Magic the Gathering at his buddy's store, which is extremely easy to verify <cite>jcgamer107 posted [p:949863209] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Holy shit dude. All I can say is I'm glad you're alive and our mental health system is so fucked. Reminds me of Unsane, where they force people in just to get insurance money. I don't know if you're pursuing a therapist, but I'm set on doing that soon - my mental health hasn't been great during Covid. If your insurance doesn't cover a good one near you, there's remote online therapy (I had a good therapist on betterhelp for a couple years). </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Johnbobb 01/24/21 12:59:27 PM #47:	Bane_Of_Despair posted... On top of everything else people in here already said, also super cool that they give you the privilege to pay that amount of money for services that left a hole inside of messed up feelings. All aspects of healthcare whether physical or mental are really fucked for so many people, it sucks that it happens to so many. Glad you're still here with us though, you're a great poster of topics and general posts! Not that if you weren't I would think the opposite, just an added bonus. Part of what enrages me is that all the stuff about financial aid and medical assistance, etc. is all stuff I had to find out on my own afterward. Most hospitals have systems in place that are supposed to help people in need but it's like the hospital staff actively want to prevent you from finding out about it. As if being found on the side of the bridge, I had to sit in that room obsessing over how much this was going to hurt me financially. When I brought up that concern to the nurses, they completely disregarded my pleas, only for me to later hear the head nurse mocking me (either to another staff member or on the phone) about how I was complaining about not being able to afford being held there. SeabassDebeste posted... that is incredibly dehumanizing and i'm enraged. the details you put in like being allowed outside but not being allowed shoes (or change of clothes?!) really make my blood boil. so the system is just completely broken. Like, you're ALLOWED to have a change of clothes, but only if you have them. Like, if I had been brought in with a change of clothes on my person, or with "safe" shoes like slippers or flip flops, I could've kept them. But I didn't, because why the fuck would I? Beyond that, you can only have clothes available in the "community clothes." That's what I was told. But patients don't have access to the community clothes, only the nurses do. I spent 2 days asking repeatedly to get some clothes to change into, only to being told things like "yeah we'll look into it" and then ignored. It was only when I told my case worker about it that she took me directly to the community clothes herself, only to find the shelves mostly barren. And when I say mostly barren, I mean there was maybe like 10 clothing items tops in the men's shelf and not a single thing that would come come close to fitting me. She went out herself to one of the other departments immediately, finding me a sweatshirt and a fresh pair of jeans (which had some holes and were a little snug but were a huge improvement over the baggy shorts I'd been wearing. That's the thing with the "commmunity clothes." The hospital doesn't provide any. Like, NONE. They exist solely of what the nursing staff donates, and the nursing staff for the most part doesn't donate (especially not stuff for men, given that most staff are women). ~~(Same goes with books, which is why the mostly-empty book shelves mostly consist of religious books and Danielle Steel. I did manage to find Moneyball in there, which I read most of during the week).~~ And no visitors are allowed, so if you don't have extra clothes (which someone like me, who was brought there involuntarily definitely wouldn't) you're mostly just fucked. ESPECIALLY with underwear. The pair you came in with is the pair you wear until you leave. I was able to wash my clothes once after getting the spare sweatshirt and pants ~~and was told my staff to just "go commando" if I actually wanted to wash my underwear.~~ There's lots of little stuff you don't think about until you're presented with it. Like there being no private bathrooms. Each room has a bathroom in it but 1. you share a room 2. you can't close your door 3. there is only a curtain separating the bathroom from the rest of the bedroom and 4. my room was literally right next to the nurse's station so everything can be heard in perfect clarity. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949863471] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Bane_Of_Despair posted... </cite> <quote>On top of everything else people in here already said, also super cool that they give you the privilege to pay that amount of money for services that left a hole inside of messed up feelings. All aspects of healthcare whether physical or mental are really fucked for so many people, it sucks that it happens to so many. Glad you're still here with us though, you're a great poster of topics and general posts! Not that if you weren't I would think the opposite, just an added bonus.</quote>Part of what enrages me is that all the stuff about financial aid and medical assistance, etc. is all stuff I had to find out on my own afterward. Most hospitals have systems in place that are supposed to help people in need but it's like the hospital staff actively want to prevent you from finding out about it. As if being found on the side of the bridge, I had to sit in that room obsessing over how much this was going to hurt me financially. When I brought up that concern to the nurses, they completely disregarded my pleas, only for me to later hear the head nurse mocking me (either to another staff member or on the phone) about how I was complaining about not being able to afford being held there. SeabassDebeste posted... </cite> <quote>that is incredibly dehumanizing and i'm enraged. the details you put in like being allowed outside but not being allowed shoes (or change of clothes?!) really make my blood boil.</quote>so the system is just completely broken. Like, you're ALLOWED to have a change of clothes, but only if you have them. Like, if I had been brought in with a change of clothes on my person, or with "safe" shoes like slippers or flip flops, I could've kept them. But I didn't, because why the fuck would I? Beyond that, you can only have clothes available in the "community clothes." That's what I was told. But patients don't have access to the community clothes, only the nurses do. I spent 2 days asking repeatedly to get some clothes to change into, only to being told things like "yeah we'll look into it" and then ignored. It was only when I told my case worker about it that she took me directly to the community clothes herself, only to find the shelves mostly barren. And when I say mostly barren, I mean there was maybe like 10 clothing items tops in the men's shelf and not a single thing that would come come close to fitting me. She went out herself to one of the other departments immediately, finding me a sweatshirt and a fresh pair of jeans (which had some holes and were a little snug but were a huge improvement over the baggy shorts I'd been wearing. That's the thing with the "commmunity clothes." The hospital doesn't provide any. Like, NONE. They exist solely of what the nursing staff donates, and the nursing staff for the most part doesn't donate (especially not stuff for men, given that most staff are women). (Same goes with books, which is why the mostly-empty book shelves mostly consist of religious books and Danielle Steel. I did manage to find Moneyball in there, which I read most of during the week). And no visitors are allowed, so if you don't have extra clothes (which someone like me, who was brought there involuntarily definitely wouldn't) you're mostly just fucked. ESPECIALLY with underwear. The pair you came in with is the pair you wear until you leave. I was able to wash my clothes once after getting the spare sweatshirt and pants and was told my staff to just "go commando" if I actually wanted to wash my underwear. There's lots of little stuff you don't think about until you're presented with it. Like there being no private bathrooms. Each room has a bathroom in it but 1. you share a room 2. you can't close your door 3. there is only a curtain separating the bathroom from the rest of the bedroom and 4. my room was literally right next to the nurse's station so everything can be heard in perfect clarity. </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
pjbasis 01/24/21 1:01:59 PM #48:	Poor health is their business...and business is good! --- http://i498.photobucket.com/albums/rr345/Rakaputra/B8%20Girls%202012/pjbas.png <cite>pjbasis posted [p:949863550] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Poor health is their business...and business is good! </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Johnbobb 01/24/21 1:14:04 PM #49:	Btw I want to particularly thank everyone for not saying something along the lines of "in trying times like these" and "this year has been hard for everyone" because THAT'S some shit I'm tired of hearing. My issues (mostly) existed before 2020 and will continue to exist after covid is gone --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949863900] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>Btw I want to particularly thank everyone for not saying something along the lines of "in trying times like these" and "this year has been hard for everyone" because THAT'S some shit I'm tired of hearing. My issues (mostly) existed before 2020 and will continue to exist after covid is gone </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
INCEPTlON 01/24/21 1:48:22 PM #50:	By the way, you should save your opening post in a separate document. You put a lot of effort into covering the details and it might be good for you if you choose to pursue any legal action --- FC: SW-8288-8096-1115 <cite>INCEPTlON posted [p:949864961] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>By the way, you should save your opening post in a separate document. You put a lot of effort into covering the details and it might be good for you if you choose to pursue any legal action </quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
Topic List	Page List: 1, 2

Board 8 > so I need to talk about something extremely heavy and personal (TW) (+) Yeah! (+)

Board 8 > so I need to talk about something extremely heavy and personal (TW)