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Topic	so I need to talk about something extremely heavy and personal (TW)
Johnbobb 01/24/21 12:35:14 PM #44:	PrinceKaro posted... man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's. I'd been mostly sad until I got that call. Then I was furious. I was essentially told "if the physician said it wasn't a problem, then it wasn't." All my issues were completely discarded. UltimaterializerX posted... Work has tested me multiple times per week for covid and it's all been negative, so you have no worries there. Yeah, that was one nice thing, I was required to get tested before going in. Which is good, because none of the patients have masks (because there are no strings allowed; they made me throw away the mask the hospital gave me). When I got out, I tried walking into a grocery store with no mask and didn't realize I was doing something wrong until everyone around me gave me dirty looks; my week in the facility had me almost forget COVID was happening. Haunter12O posted... I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it. Glad you're still around as well. I've essentially been trying to figure out a working anti-depressant dose with my doctor for what must be going on 2 years now. The first one I was on made me too groggy and had me sleeping through my alarms in the morning, making me late for work. The next one I was on had less side effects (though I have noticed much more sensitivity to temperature) but wasn't helping enough, so they doubled my dose. Then back in late Novemberish/early December I was put on a new one in addition to the one I was already on, which I'm now off because 1. it's fucking expensive and 2. it wasn't helping. I've also gone a couple days without any but the withdrawal was worse than anything UltimaterializerX posted... It is literally exactly like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie with the case worker rolling her eyes and not giving a shit. They don't care. see, that's the crazy thing, my case worker was the only one who cared. The physician, nurses, etc. all disregarded me. I got lucky by having a case worker that actually listened to me, noticed that I was well-spoken and fully cognizant despite my disheveled appearance. She set me up with the zoom group, gave me a ton of papers and suggestions. Literally a saving grace in an otherwise terrible system. Inviso posted... Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry. It is unbelievable how much you're treated like a prisoner. The other patients there will luckily clue you in on which staff members are nice and which will treat you like shit so you know who to avoid. Shonen_Bat posted... Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like. I'm the same way, I always have trouble communicating with people, especially irl. Most in-person friends I've made have just been casual coworker friendships I don't hang out with or my partner's friends. Right now, it's hard to say. A little better than I was in some ways, worse in others. When I get sad sometimes it'll spiral and I just end up kind of shutting down, with just a deep internal ache. That hasn't gone away, but at the same time I don't think I'm likely to attempt anything again, mostly because I know what's waiting on the other side of the attempt now. There's a deep-seeded feeling of worthlessness and that I'm wasting my life that never really goes away. I'm mostly just taking it day by day right now. Work has kinda sucked lately, to the point that part of me wants to just quit and find something new, but that's obviously a bad idea, especially before getting the expungement. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs <cite>Johnbobb posted [p:949862779] in so I need ... [t:79256640]...</cite> <quote>PrinceKaro posted... </cite> <quote>man, our health care system really is useless. C'mon now, 'customer service wasn't satisfactory'? this is a hospital, not a fucking mcdonald's.</quote>I'd been mostly sad until I got that call. Then I was furious. I was essentially told "if the physician said it wasn't a problem, then it wasn't." All my issues were completely discarded. UltimaterializerX posted... </cite> <quote>Work has tested me multiple times per week for covid and it's all been negative, so you have no worries there.</quote>Yeah, that was one nice thing, I was required to get tested before going in. Which is good, because none of the patients have masks (because there are no strings allowed; they made me throw away the mask the hospital gave me). When I got out, I tried walking into a grocery store with no mask and didn't realize I was doing something wrong until everyone around me gave me dirty looks; my week in the facility had me almost forget COVID was happening. Haunter12O posted... </cite> <quote>I received counseling and was almost immediately diagnosed with MDD. I didn't tell the counselor I had suicidal ideations. By the sound of it based on what you said, it sounds like I may have dodged a bullet. I was placed on a heavy dose of antidepressants and decided to try new things and change my life around. It worked. Not trying to tell you to take antidepressants. They don't work for everyone and can be difficult to get off of. I'm sorry you had such a terrible experience. I work in healthcare and there are so many people out there who abuse the system by claiming to be suicidal when they are not and I think that may have contributed to nurses and physicians projecting their frustrations onto real mental health patients that need actual help, like yourself. Not trying to defend them, but yeah, it's a thing that happens. Does it get better? I can't answer that. I'm still here, but I still have serious bouts of depression. I have a lot on my plate as well since I have started a family of my own so it does happen quite a bit, but nowhere near as bad as back when I actually tried to off myself. I don't really think MDD ever goes away on its own, but there are ways to control it.</quote>Glad you're still around as well. I've essentially been trying to figure out a working anti-depressant dose with my doctor for what must be going on 2 years now. The first one I was on made me too groggy and had me sleeping through my alarms in the morning, making me late for work. The next one I was on had less side effects (though I have noticed much more sensitivity to temperature) but wasn't helping enough, so they doubled my dose. Then back in late Novemberish/early December I was put on a new one in addition to the one I was already on, which I'm now off because 1. it's fucking expensive and 2. it wasn't helping. I've also gone a couple days without any but the withdrawal was worse than anything UltimaterializerX posted... </cite> <quote>It is literally exactly like the Joaquin Phoenix Joker movie with the case worker rolling her eyes and not giving a shit. They don't care.</quote>see, that's the crazy thing, my case worker was the only one who cared. The physician, nurses, etc. all disregarded me. I got lucky by having a case worker that actually listened to me, noticed that I was well-spoken and fully cognizant despite my disheveled appearance. She set me up with the zoom group, gave me a ton of papers and suggestions. Literally a saving grace in an otherwise terrible system. Inviso posted... </cite> <quote>Jesus Christ, that's fucking terrible Johnbobb. It's bad enough being in the hospital to begin with, without the added "bonus" of being treated like a prisoner and being made to feel more miserable over a mental health incident. I'm so sorry.</quote>It is unbelievable how much you're treated like a prisoner. The other patients there will luckily clue you in on which staff members are nice and which will treat you like shit so you know who to avoid. Shonen_Bat posted... </cite> <quote>Good on you for reaching out with this. I'm glad you're still here, you're a great dude. I've always wanted to talk to you more often but my social problems get in the way. If you ever need someone to talk to about anything, I'd be more than happy to hear from you. Only one question, really. How are you doing right now? Say as much or as little as you feel like.</quote>I'm the same way, I always have trouble communicating with people, especially irl. Most in-person friends I've made have just been casual coworker friendships I don't hang out with or my partner's friends. Right now, it's hard to say. A little better than I was in some ways, worse in others. When I get sad sometimes it'll spiral and I just end up kind of shutting down, with just a deep internal ache. That hasn't gone away, but at the same time I don't think I'm likely to attempt anything again, mostly because I know what's waiting on the other side of the attempt now. There's a deep-seeded feeling of worthlessness and that I'm wasting my life that never really goes away. I'm mostly just taking it day by day right now. Work has kinda sucked lately, to the point that part of me wants to just quit and find something new, but that's obviously a bad idea, especially before getting the expungement. --- Khal Kirby, warlord of the Super Star Khalasar PSN/Steam: CheddarBBQ https://goo.gl/Diw2hs</quote> ... Copied to Clipboard!
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