Current Events > So I googled the girl I'm supposed to go out with. She has BPD

(+) Yeah! (+)

I've had relationships with 3 women in which had some serious personality disorders, only one of them was diagnosed with BPD (or at least shared the diagnosis of it), but all 3 did a lot of the same things, and all 3 had some sort of childhood abuse or severe neglect.

People outside of these relationships make fun of the "I can fix her" thing, but when you are young and immature and the sex is so good, sometimes you actually think that, but no it is not happening.

Yeah, last girl I dated had BPD and was a childhood abuse sufferer, from her own brother. Did you find yourself excusing all their ridiculous behaviour because of what they'd been through? Like I normally don't let people push me around or treat me unfairly, but because of what she'd gone through I felt myself constantly forgiving her for her behaviour.... Or at least justifying it to myself. (Had nothing to do with the sex which was no better or worse than what I'd had with previous girls)

I eventually ended up so gaslit and confused and hurt. It sucks because I'm someone who considered myself very understanding of mental health issues but now I'm way too scared to date someone like that again

everyone has issues. people are a lot more than their diagnosis though. you don't really know what she's like until you meet her. meet up with her and see what happens.

At least give them a chance, people are not their diagnosis.

i say despite my depression havingbasically consumed every aspect of my life so what do I really know
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But for real, go in as you would with anyone. Give them an honest chance.

shes gonna bite your dick off

Still want to know how tf googling someone turned up their mental health history

cancel the date but be honest about the reason

I dont know how on earth you would willingly put yourself through that shit.

"I don't know this person or how severe their issues are but I looked at the first paragraph of the wikipedia page for their illness so you should trust my opinion on this"

I googled the girl I'm supposed to go out with

It's all well and good to say that people can manage their mental illnesses, but...sometimes it's just not worth it to assume the best. Dating anybody with a diagnosed mental illness has the potential to spiral into a bad situation. People who have gone through it are absolutely justified in sharing their personal experiences. That's exactly what the topic is about.

A lot of us have had bad experiences with girls who have this particular diagnosis, so we're sharing our stories because we were prompted. It may not help with the stigma, but sometimes things just need to be said.

It's an extremely common story. It's not 100% of all cases, but these stories (which are all nearly identical to one another) are common enough to make the diagnosis itself a yellow flag, if not a red one. It can still be fun and worthwhile to date somebody with BPD, but there's absolutely a risk involved. Especially given how the relationship almost always starts strong, which can make you think "oh, this isn't so bad," until shit does get bad and you already feel like you're in too deep. It's what happened to me.

I hope everyone can see why this would be rather damaging.

The basic sentiment of "Run away from them because they are going to ruin your life" constantly echoed throughout this topic essentially says that we as trauma survivors don't deserve love or the opportunity to overcome our disorder.

While at the very heart of my disorder is me feeling that I don't deserve to be loved...

I hope everyone can see why this would be rather damaging.

My relationship with this girl was heavily traumatic, too. I felt absolutely worthless for two years straight. It kind of cuts both ways, don't you think?

You have to remember that gobby doesnt care about how he makes other people feel.

Access main program. Access main security. Access main program grid.

Cluster B personality disorders get a bad rap but there are some important things to remember: people with mental illness, even these sorts of disorders which are closely associated with toxic, abusive behavior, are still more likely to become the victims of abuse than they are to be the perpetrators of it. In the case of BPD, there is almost always a case of childhood abuse/trauma present. Personality disorders arent just people being evil or whatever, they are a behavioral manifestation of trauma avoidance and (poor) coping mechanisms.

All that said, if you dont think you can hang, then dont. Get out now before you make it any harder on either her or yourself, youll be doing both of you a favor.

your personal experience is not extrapolatable.

It will always be anecdotal because it's not exactly supported by a larger study, but...I'm far from the only one who has had this exact experience. It's worth talking about.

Positivity is all well and good but sometimes the story needs to be shared.

Are you guys ok

most people don't have the proper context to fit your anecdotes into. what you are doing is misleading and stigmatizing.

While at the very heart of my disorder is me feeling that I don't deserve to be loved...

I hope everyone can see why this would be rather damaging.

This is a very frustrating topic to talk about, especially as someone who has been abused in multiple ways by multiple people with BPD. I feel like I can't open up without peoples' main concern being "don't stigmatize them!", rather than you know... the abuse.