Current Events > So I googled the girl I'm supposed to go out with. She has BPD

(+) Yeah! (+)

Chesh posted...

My sister has BPD and abused my mom and I horribly for years making me want to kill myself daily for years afterward and gave me tons of issues. I only recently recovered from it all. Tread VERY CAREFULLY here.

Caution should definitely be taken. There are a lot of real life horror stories out there. I have some of my own regarding my ex who has BPD. Things could get very bad without warning in the quickest and most vicious way possible.

zzeennoolloo posted...

Things could get very bad without warning in the quickest and most vicious way possible.

That's really the worst part of it: it's almost impossible to know what you're in for until you've gotten too deeply involved to just back out.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

That's really the worst part of it: it's almost impossible to know what you're in for until you've gotten too deeply involved to just back out.

this can also happen with people who don't have BPD

"all the stories anyone's told me about BPD relationships were about how they went badly wrong!"

yeah because "I had a generally OK relationship with a functional person" isn't a story, is it

averagejoel posted...

this can also happen with people who don't have BPD

That's true, but the risk is significantly elevated when BPD is involved.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

That's true, but the risk is significantly elevated when BPD is involved.

[citation needed]

averagejoel posted...

[citation needed]

C'mon... it is a fact that relationships with someone with BPD can be more volatile on average. Not stating it is universal.

Neoconkers posted...

"all the stories anyone's told me about BPD relationships were about how they went badly wrong!"

yeah because "I had a generally OK relationship with a functional person" isn't a story, is it

Everyone, including myself, in this topic who has actually had to deal with someone with BPD in real life in regards to a close relationship (whether it was an ex-girlfriend or a relative) has the same common denominator: the relationship turned into a shit show of very fucked up and vicious proportions due to the BPD viciously getting out of control. All of us in this topic who had a personal real life horror story about someone in our lives with BPD (try reading this entire topic, you will find several) gave our personal experiences and if you notice NOT one of us had a happy ending.

We all simply gave the TC our personal experience and let the TC decide on whether to go out on a date with this woman. If you read the entire topic you would have seen that TC cancelled the date. Honestly, I personally feel that the TC did the right thing as they could have been walking into an extremely shitty experience that would have fucked them up in several ways, even in a very permanent way. I personally feel that the best thing for the TC right now is to try to find someone else who will offer them a healthy relationship.

I know some people don't find it politically correct that we are talking about our experiences with someone with BPD, but for fucks sake, we all decided to tell our stories as a fucking WARNING to the TC and for damn good reasons. Ultimately, it's up to the TC. They already cancelled the date. If they reverse their decision, obviously there is nothing me or anyone else who gave their stories can do about it. It's the TC's decision and maybe... just MAYBE... things might turn out for the good. However, in the event things do get viciously chaotic (and they most likely will, especially when the "Honeymoon" period of the first few weeks of the relationship are over) ALL of us gave our WARNINGS throughout this topic... can't say we didn't try to warn them.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

That's true, but the risk is significantly elevated when BPD is involved.

^THIS. The chances of something going horrendously wrong are greatly, significantly elevated beyond belief when BPD is factored in.

It is worth noting that any personality disorder leads to increased issues in a romantic relationship.

averagejoel posted...

[citation needed]

https://casapalmera.com/blog/tips-for-living-with-a-bpd-partner/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/wellness/2012/01/emotional-abuse-and-your-partner-with-bpd#1

https://www.lawcullen.com/blog/2018/10/borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-abusive-partner/

https://mhmatters.com/emotionally-abusive-borderline-relationships/

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/personality-disorders/expert-q-and-a

Some of the commonly referenced symptoms include things like "chaotic interpersonal relationships," "inappropriate, intense anger," and "reckless and extreme behaviors"

It's literally a recognized symptom of BPD to be abusive and unreasonable in personal relationships.

zzeennoolloo posted...

Everyone, including myself, in this topic who has actually had to deal with someone with BPD in real life in regards to a close relationship (whether it was an ex-girlfriend or a relative) has the same common denominator: the relationship turned into a shit show of very fucked up and vicious proportions due to the BPD viciously getting out of control. All of us in this topic who had a personal real life horror story about someone in our lives with BPD (try reading this entire topic, you will find several) gave our personal experiences and if you notice NOT one of us had a happy ending.

We all simply gave the TC our personal experience and let the TC decide on whether to go out on a date with this woman. If you read the entire topic you would have seen that TC cancelled the date. Honestly, I personally feel that the TC did the right thing as they could have been walking into an extremely shitty experience that would have fucked them up in several ways, even in a very permanent way. I personally feel that the best thing for the TC right now is to try to find someone else who will offer them a healthy relationship.

I know some people don't find it politically correct that we are talking about our experiences with someone with BPD, but for fucks sake, we all decided to tell our stories as a fucking WARNING to the TC and for damn good reasons. Ultimately, it's up to the TC. They already cancelled the date. If they reverse their decision, obviously there is nothing me or anyone else who gave their stories can do about it. It's the TC's decision and maybe... just MAYBE... things might turn out for the good. However, in the event things do get viciously chaotic (and they most likely will, especially when the "Honeymoon" period of the first few weeks of the relationship are over) ALL of us gave our WARNINGS throughout this topic... can't say we didn't try to warn them.

^THIS. The chances of something going horrendously wrong are greatly, significantly elevated beyond belief when BPD is factored in.

Note that I have experience with an ex and I do not quite agree. It was often a shit show, but it never reached vicious levels, and I also recognize how I made her worse. Sure, it didn't work out, but I would still recommend certain guys to date her if they have the right temperament. In many ways, she was the most giving person I have ever met.

Why do I always end up arguing both sides in these topics? Oh, because I can actually see how everyone is trying their best and deserves some empathy.

I'm in a 4 year relationship with someone Borderline. When things are good, they are phenomally good. This is the reason I am willing to go through the bad with her.

There's a book we reference from time to time called 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me'. It helps, but it is still tough sometimes. Her past has given her this disorder and very poor coping skills.

We have a motto: You keep me Safe and I'll keep you Wild.

She can be tough to deal with during our 'bad' times, but worth it for us. I've been treated far worse by "normal" women, than anything my bpd girlfriend has done.

So TC...yeah you might have dodged a bullet, but you very well could've let that special one slip away.

DCinGA posted...

I'm in a 4 year relationship with someone Borderline. When things are good, they are phenomally good. This is the reason I am willing to go through the bad with her.

There's a book we reference from time to time called 'I Hate You, Don't Leave Me'. It helps, but it is still tough sometimes. Her past has given her this disorder and very poor coping skills.

We have a motto: You keep me Safe and I'll keep you Wild.

She can be tough to deal with during our 'bad' times, but worth it for us. I've been treated far worse by "normal" women, than anything my bpd girlfriend has done.

So TC...yeah you might have dodged a bullet, but you very well could've let that special one slip away.

Good job, man. And I seriously wonder if this could have been my relationship if I had whatever skill set you have for keeping things going smoothly the majority of the time. Because yeah, as you said, the good times are phenomenally good.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

https://casapalmera.com/blog/tips-for-living-with-a-bpd-partner/

https://psychcentral.com/blog/wellness/2012/01/emotional-abuse-and-your-partner-with-bpd#1

https://www.lawcullen.com/blog/2018/10/borderline-personality-disorder-and-the-abusive-partner/

https://mhmatters.com/emotionally-abusive-borderline-relationships/

https://www.psychiatry.org/patients-families/personality-disorders/expert-q-and-a

Some of the commonly referenced symptoms include things like "chaotic interpersonal relationships," "inappropriate, intense anger," and "reckless and extreme behaviors"

It's literally a recognized symptom of BPD to be abusive and unreasonable in personal relationships.

Excellent post! To add on to this, just to post a small sample of info below from the "Very Well Mind" website:

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/3/AAMsTmAADNtN.jpg
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/4/AAMsTmAADNtO.jpg

I'm not sure why people are trying to act like disorders don't affect your behavior. They literally do, that's why they're disorders. If the disorder didn't result in specific negative behaviors (in the absence of treatment or coping strategies), it wouldn't have been identified and none of us would be talking about it.

This isn't just something I've seen with borderline personality disorder, it's an attitude I've seen toward mental health struggles in general. I get that people are trying to reduce the pathological level of stigma we have in our society towards anyone with any mental health issues. We've seen it in this topic, people have talked about people with BPD in a way that you can't really talk about any other group of people. But it's counterproductive because it kind of implicitly concedes that if you have a mental illness that raises the likelihood of you doing X and you at any point do X, then maybe you're unworthy after all.

BPD is an illness that specifically creates a greatly increased risk of volatile and abusive relationships. That has to be acknowledged and accepted up front so that people with that diagnosis can be accepted for the human beings they are, accommodated, helped, and loved.

Once that is acknowledged, it has to be understood that these bad outcomes are by no means guaranteed. You may have met multiple people with BPD that is mild or that they are actively working to control. It is never acceptable to categorically discriminate against a group of people, unless there is a 1:1 ratio between that group's behavior and their membership in the group. It is just as unacceptable to compare human beings with agency and the potential for change to bullets, trains, animals, and other dehumanizing and destructive things.

legendary_zell posted...

I'm not sure why people are trying to act like disorders don't affect your behavior. They literally do, that's why they're disorders. If the disorder didn't result in specific negative behaviors (in the absence of treatment or coping strategies), it wouldn't have been identified and none of us would be talking about it.

This isn't just something I've seen with borderline personality disorder, it's an attitude I've seen toward mental health struggles in general. I get that people are trying to reduce the pathological level of stigma we have in our society towards anyone with any mental health issues. We've seen it in this topic, people have talked about people with BPD in a way that you can't really talk about any other group of people. But it's counterproductive because it kind of implicitly concedes that if you have a mental illness that raises the likelihood of you doing X and you at any point do X, then maybe you're unworthy after all.

BPD is an illness that specifically creates a greatly increased risk of volatile and abusive relationships. That has to be acknowledged and accepted up front so that people with that diagnosis can be accepted for the human beings they are, accommodated, helped, and loved.

Once that is acknowledged, it has to be understood that these bad outcomes are by no means guaranteed. You may have met multiple people with BPD that is mild or that they are actively working to control. It is never acceptable to categorically discriminate against a group of people, unless there is a 1:1 ratio between that group's behavior and their membership in the group. It is just as unacceptable to compare human beings with agency and the potential for change to bullets, trains, animals, and other dehumanizing and destructive things.

Thank you, this is the more moderate and nuanced view that I was attempting to take, but you said it better

DCinGA posted...

So TC...yeah you might have dodged a bullet, but you very well could've let that special one slip away.

By cancelling the date, he might have also opened up a door to meet another girl who ends up being that special someone sometime in the future. If he had gone on that date and ended up in a relationship with the girl this topic is about, he would have gotten so much involved in her drama that he may have missed an opportunity to meet another girl in the future who ends up being his special one. In other words, the possibilities can go in many multiple ways, it's not a linear path.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]



Ah hahaha

F***in rekt

zzeennoolloo posted...

Caution should definitely be taken. There are a lot of real life horror stories out there. I have some of my own regarding my ex who has BPD. Things could get very bad without warning in the quickest and most vicious way possible.

Ill never get used to seeing you post in a coherent manner. I always what compels a person to act the way you do.

Extra ironic considering what the topic is

My abusive ex-fiancee had BPD. She would hit me, slap me, and bite me.

Google is diagnosing people with mental disorders now? I guess they know more about us than anyone...

Background_Guy posted...

Google is diagnosing people with mental disorders now? I guess they know more about us than anyone...

He said he found her Instagram