Current Events > So I googled the girl I'm supposed to go out with. She has BPD

(+) Yeah! (+)

Jiek_Fafn posted...

My best friend is diagnosed with it. She's very clingy and quick to essentially lock herself away and cry if she feels a relationship is being threatened. She does it on a friendship level as well. It's never been abusive. Just makes her feel like shit if I'm hanging out with another friend too much or something. Her "abuse" is complete directed towards herself.

She does the same thing with guys that she dates as well. None of them have ever led me to believe that she's outwardly abusive towards them. They've mentioned that she gets super clingy or depressed when she's insecure though.

On the upside, people she loves. She really loves. It makes you feel very special. I'm not dating her so it's not suffocating or anything, so it's a pleasure to be around.

This is what a pretty mild case of bps looks like. I mentioned it on the first page but didn't go into detail.

I dated someone like this. I always suspected she had BPD, as I thought of her as Dr Jekyll and Mr Hyde. And the bolded is very true. She loved me very much and truly wanted to help people. She is one of the most "good" people I know, but good god she had a vindictive side that would lose all sense of relaity and logic when she thought something threatened her.

I eventually ended it because I couldn't take it anymore, but I have sense realized that there were things I could have done to make her feel more secure and I didn't. When she went full blown Hyde, I tended to sink to her level as well.

I failed her, and it breaks my heart because she really hoped we would get married. Amazingly, we are still friends.

Hoodroar posted...

Does literally anyone have a good experience dating someone with BPD to counter the negative anecdotes?

Like we have people saying, "this was terrible" and other people saying, "well you don't know if it's always terrible" and it's just a meaningless point. People refuse to date others over much less severe red flags.

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Rather than directly insulting someone, do YOU personally have ANY purely good experiences dating someone with BPD? Because Hoodroar makes a damn great point with what they said. The closest thing we have in this topic is a FEW people saying that they had a good experience only a certain percentage of the time but the other times when things got bad, they got REALLY fucking terrible as all hell on a "ninth circle of Satan's personal lair" levels of bad with pretty fucking SEVERE warnings attached to the entire message.

I rode the short bus for damn near all of high school/middle school, and this reminds me of the kids too immature to overlook flaws, stigmatize, and assume shit about people. Kids are naturally cruel, and i don't wanna put people down to that level for their, stance, but remember it starts at home, and peer pressure is a motherfucker.

Everyone deserves a chance to prove that they are more than a piece of paper, and preconceived notions me being well aware of my own. T.C., i respect your decision, and don't want regret, but instead rather than adhere to peer pressure next time give someone a chance because we all are flawed.

Never needed pity, or to be coddled...Just a chance.

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It's fucking disgusting. I have a close friend with BPD and she's perfectly kind and loving and has never given me any reason to be "wary" of her.

Lol I don't even have to read the posts in this topic to know it's all BS.

Unless you're dating a celebrity you ain't getting shit from a Google search

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Yeah, I am thinking on my ex now, and she is not a defective animal. Someone who is better than dealing with her swings than me (because I have issues too), would find a truly wonderful and giving person. Most of you guys here would be lucky to have her.

Gobstoppers12 posted...

My ex with BPD cheated on me several times, screamed at me like 40% of the time no matter how hard I tried to keep her happy, and broke up with me at least once a month.

It was the most disastrous relationship I've ever had, and it's not even close.

The weird thing is, if not for for abusive bullshit, she was very cool. Very sweet. Made me happy 60% of the time, but that 40% of the time she was in disaster mode, my life was essentially unlivable.

zzeennoolloo posted...

Honestly, the best you are going to get is people like myself and others (I think Gobs said this earlier in the topic) where 60% of the time she was the most wonderful thing ever, but the other 40% she was Satan. I would put my personal experience at a slightly different percentage. 75% of the time she was the greatest and most kindest person I have ever known. However, 25% of the time she was the damn Devil and did some truly horrible, horrible, HORRIBLE things. While 25% of the time might not sound like a lot, it is when that 25% makes you feel like a lobster being dipped into 300 degree boiling water. It's bad. REALLY bad.

To put this in video game terms (since this is primarily a video game website), pick your favorite game or one of your favorite games of all time (Elden Ring, Mario 64, Final Fantasy 7, whatever). Imagine if 75% of the time you were allowed to play your favorite game... you are going to be in a great mood and be very happy, obviously. But imagine if the other 25% of the time your console / PC / portable / whatever decides to NOT let you play your game and instead decides to threaten to erase your save file, proceeds to ELECTROCUTE you, starts shooting feces at you, starts cursing you the fuck out while it threatens to smoother you with a pillow over your face while you sleep, and pull a bunch of other shit that makes the computer from 2001 Space Odyssey look like a Care Bear in comparison. Yeah, it's only happening 25 times out of 100, but it's still pretty fucking severe.

Now, is what I'm saying anecdotal? Yes, I don't have hard statistics that I threw together using hard data and a statistics computer program to back up what I'm saying. However, to paraphrase an old story, if someone asks 10 people if they should go into a town and almost all those people start screaming warnings while telling their personal experiences with that town and saying there is some horrible shit that they personally experienced in that town, it would be very wise to NOT ignore those stories and take them into very strong consideration on whether one should be entering that town or turning the car around and trying to go somewhere else.

This is the general story I have always heard from others who have dated someone with BPD. It wasn't 100% horrible, but when it got bad, it got fucking very severely fucking terrible in the worst ways possible. It definitely explains why people like Johnny Depp stuck around for so long before things got infinitely worse beyond comprehension. And that's one other thing I've noticed in general: the behavior that is bad tends to get much, much worse over time.

Married to one (separated now). This condition can be controlled if the person takes responsibility for it and utilizes the skillset available to manage it. I would be very cautious moving forward into any kind of serious relationship.

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Yeah Id say thats the long and short of it.

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Nope, I'm not.
And I now recognize you as a troll from other boards on this site.
Anyway, I'm very happy that TC made the right decision and cancelled the date.
They saved themselves hundreds of hours of extreme torture (as well as saving themselves hours of creating different topics on this board related to their date / new girlfriend and asking advice on how to handle such a volatile relationship).
I hope TC finds someone else who will treat them well.

Its a very bad idea.

Hey TC, I would say go on the date and just see how it is. It could be a lot of fun in the short term too, because there could be some intensity there, and it will gravitate positive for awhile at least. And if you want to make it longer term, just be aware of the situation and communicate with her. She will either reveal she has it after a couple of dates, or you can bring up that you saw it on her Instagram (don't say that on the first date). People know that people look at that stuff.

BPD is a red flag for sure, but just use it to be cautious. Don't judge her before meeting her.

BigMeatyClaws posted...

I cancelled the date.

Oh. Well, fuck. CE failed someone again.

bsp77 posted...

Oh. Well, fuck. CE failed someone again.

For a site that likes to throw around the term victim blaming so much, yall arent being very sympathetic to those who were abused by individuals with BPD.

TC may have just dodged a bullet, and it may be thanks to us.

Conflict melty incoming?

BettyWhite posted...

As a person with BPD I just kinda wanna kick y'all in the teeth.

I don't think this post convinced TC to go out on this date....

FinalFight posted...

For a site that likes to throw around the term victim blaming so much, yall arent being very sympathetic to those who were abused by individuals with BPD.

TC may have just dodged a bullet, and it may be thanks to us.

I'm sympathetic to your abuse, but I am disgusted by the way you talk about people with BPD.

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Rather than attacking multiple people, can you answer my original question? Allow me to ask you AGAIN: Do YOU personally have ANY purely good experiences dating someone with BPD? Because Hoodroar made a damn great point with what they posted earlier in this topic. And you insulted Hoodroar rather than giving a proper answer. Then you insulted many others and dodged my question.

FurryPhilosifer posted...

I'm sympathetic to your abuse, but I am disgusted by the way you talk about people with BPD.

Yeah well Im disgusted by the way people with BPD have treated me.

The_REAL_Duke_O posted...

Rather than attacking multiple people, can you answer my original question? Allow me to ask you AGAIN: Do YOU personally have ANY purely good experiences dating someone with BPD? Because Hoodroar made a damn great point with what they posted earlier in this topic. And you insulted Hoodroar rather than giving a proper answer.

I said earlier he was all talk no substance. It's part of the Conflict MO most of the time. He's accusing multiple people of being the same person because he has nothing to really say.

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How is that extreme? I am legitimately disgusted by how Ive been treated by abusers with BPD. Especially because they were abused themselves and know how it feels.

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I literally called you and others ITT out for having nothing to add and you're still just talking about nothing in hopes someone will give you attention. You add nothing to this topic, lol. Not a single person treated anyone with BPD like they were all defective. You're just twisting the narrative because you're lonely, bro.

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You want to risk fucking up your life? No, really, why?

Some of you guys act like we dont live on a planet with almost EIGHT BILLION people. As if you dont have options and cant just fly, float, drive, walk or skateboard to another neighborhood with women in it. Stop playing like its your career or divine calling to save every sob story you meet.

Phenomenal_one posted...

Access main program. Access main security. Access main program grid.

Hackers, uh, found a way.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/8/8/7/AAe6pDAADNif.jpg

there was never any date, lol

It's so obvious Conflict has dated someone with like depression or anxiety and they were great and caring so he's gonna die on this hill

Guarantee he's been lucky enough to have never dated someone with BPD.

FinalFight posted...

For a site that likes to throw around the term victim blaming so much, yall arent being very sympathetic to those who were abused by individuals with BPD.

TC may have just dodged a bullet, and it may be thanks to us.

I have actually had separate conversations with a couple of those posters and was very sympathetic. But let's not let what has happened to other people determine whether someone even gives it the most basic chance. That is a dangerous precedent that can be applied to lots of groups of people.

The_REAL_Duke_O posted...

Rather than attacking multiple people, can you answer my original question? Allow me to ask you AGAIN: Do YOU personally have ANY purely good experiences dating someone with BPD? Because Hoodroar made a damn great point with what they posted earlier in this topic. And you insulted Hoodroar rather than giving a proper answer. Then you insulted many others and dodged my question.

I pretty much answered it. It wasn't all good, but I wasn't abused either. I also know it was partially my fault.

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Yes

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Guarantee he's been lucky enough to have never dated someone with BPD.

I have. I am not repeating myself again.

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Looks like a lot of twisting to fit your narrative when some of those people explained what they meant by that with their own experiences. I said originally you didn't know what you were talking about and it's clear you have no experience or room to talk about BPD. You just want to argue, dude. Your gimmick is "Conflict" lol.

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I dont see it as extreme, because tc very well may have dodged a bullet. Hence the word may. It neither confirms nor denies. But if he in fact did, its partly in thanks to us.

bsp77 posted...

I have. I am not repeating myself again.

Was referring to Conflict, not you. Your posts are making a lot more sense

FinalFight posted...

I dont see it as extreme, because tc very well may have dodged a bullet. Hence the word may. It neither confirms nor denies. But if he in fact did, its partly in thanks to us.

And if he missed out on something great, it's also partly "thanks" to you.

The advice should have been to be cautious and communicate, not abort.

My sister has BPD and abused my mom and I horribly for years making me want to kill myself daily for years afterward and gave me tons of issues. I only recently recovered from it all. Tread VERY CAREFULLY here.

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"Conflict"

Do you have anything besides repeating his name over and over

Conflict posted...

I don't even know why you're chiming in on this subject either, aren't you literally an admitted turbovirgin

I don't recall saying that. But that's one pathetic attempt to dodge a question.

You're the one arguing against people with experience you have none of. Bring something other than personal attacks or shut up.

bsp77 posted...

I have actually had separate conversations with a couple of those posters and was very sympathetic. But let's not let what has happened to other people determine whether someone even gives it the most basic chance. That is a dangerous precedent that can be applied to lots of groups of people.

Im not trying to create a false equivalency here, but if someone indicated that they had a leaning towards pedophilia, I wouldnt blame anyone for canceling a date with them. The individual in question may be perfectly gentle, and be perfectly capable of controlling their mental problem, but at the same time, their illness is also known for creating abusers. And its not wrong to warn someone about that propensity.