Current Events > So I googled the girl I'm supposed to go out with. She has BPD

(+) Yeah! (+)

bsp77 posted...

And if he missed out on something great, it's also partly "thanks" to you.

The advice should have been to be cautious and communicate, not abort.

Well my advice was never to abort. My advice was quite literally to approach with caution. So youll have to take that up with another poster.

FinalFight posted...

Im not trying to create a false equivalency here, but if someone indicated that they had a leaning towards pedophilia, I wouldnt blame anyone for canceling a date with them. The individual in question may be perfectly gentle, and be perfectly capable of controlling their mental problem, but at the same time, their illness is also known for creating abusers. And its not wrong to warn someone about that propensity.

Which is why I would give advice about it as a red flag versus a "no go". Because there is a difference between the two. And while you have your experiences in your head, I also think about my ex, who I truly just want to be happy. This thread makes me sad for people who suffer on both sides.

FinalFight posted...

Well my advice was never to abort. My advice was quite literally to approach with caution. So youll have to take that up with another poster.

Fair enough. My comments weren't necessarily directed at you, it was just easy to respond to you

Conflict posted...

...That's literally what you're doing

oh my god lol

No I have no experience with BPD dating. I'm saying you don't either, and arguing against people who do.

You have zero relevant experience with the subject, or else you'd have brought it up already.

Every example I've seen of BPD has been horrific. Run for the fucking hills.

bsp77 posted...

Which is why I would give advice about it as a red flag versus a "no go". Because there is a difference between the two. And while you have your experiences in your head, I also think about my ex, who I truly just want to be happy. This thread makes me sad for people who suffer on both sides.

Yknow what? Put that way, I can actually see where youre coming from. I can admit it must be difficult for an individual who means well and is just grappling with an illness.

Perhaps a little understanding and education on all sides is whats truly needed.

FinalFight posted...

Yknow what? Put that way, I can actually see where youre coming from. I can admit it must be difficult for an individual who means well and is just grappling with an illness.

Perhaps a little understanding and education on all sides is whats truly needed.

Agreed :)

I read the firs two pages and have come to the conclusion that TC is full of shit.

Conflict posted...

And you're chiming in, and asking people for 'positive examples' of dating people with BPD vs. the negative ones.

Because I value stuff that happened in the real world over theories. Literally everyone who has commented that they dated someone with BPD has said it was terrible at least 20% of the time. But I didn't just immediately take their word for it (since I haven't dated such people myself), and instead asked for contrary experiences to paint a more balanced picture of the matter, while mentioning that people have declined to date others over much more minor issues. Somehow this induces so much salt you call me a turbo.

It's bad to ask for people to back up their arguments with experience now?

Maybe if you're an extremely secure and strong individual with a firm sense of boundaries and lots of experience dealing with someone else's mental health, maybe you could take on dating someone with BPD

If, like the average CEman is what I imagine them to be, someone already struggling with their own depression and anxiety, you will absolutely be biting off more than you can chew. Just because you have gone through mental health issues doesn't equip you to be able to handle someone elses, when it's as severe as this

I remember genuinely thinking my open mind and empathy toward those with mental illness would mean I could handle any such illness in someone else. Even my own experience too, as I work in mental health. Was a tough lesson learned.

haloiscoolisbak posted...

Maybe if you're an extremely secure and strong individual with a firm sense of boundaries and lots of experience dealing with someone else's mental health, maybe you could take on dating someone with BPD

If, like the average CEman is what I imagine them to be, someone already struggling with their own depression and anxiety, you will absolutely be biting off more than you can chew. Just because you have gone through mental health issues doesn't equip you to be able to handle someone elses, when it's as severe as this

I remember genuinely thinking my open mind and empathy toward those with mental illness would mean I could handle any such illness in someone else. Was a tough lesson learned

Other than your assumation, well-said

Eat More Beef posted...

I read the firs two pages and have come to the conclusion that TC is full of shit.

Had you read further than two pages, youd have seen that TC provided a perfectly reasonable explanation for how he found out about her illness.

Hit and quit.

The nice thing about BPD is the splitting... you're either the best person in the world or the worst. So after you hook up then ghost her, she's going to think you're the devil and wont want anything to do with you.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


I know this is not gonna make me look good, but I think most people with BPD are not only aware and seeking treatment for it, but also strong advocates for negating the stigma around mental health, all things on the surface that seem very positive, progressive and constructive.

The girl I was with was still doing coke most nights a week, while going to therapy for her childhood abuse, telling me her doctor was annoyed she was living that drug fuelled lifestyle but assuring me she had a plan to safely ween off and that she essentially knew herself better than the doctor- while still telling me I should be always honest with my doctor and listen to their advice and getting all "your mental health is very important" on me. When I expressed my concern about the drug use, bam, straight to the excuses and justifications and the "no offence but you haven't been been through what I've been through so you've got no room to talk" type stuff as well as lecturing me on how recreational drugs aren't as dangerous as the media makes them out to be, which is technically true

You can get super stuck and trapped with this shit and it can happen almost straight away because they have genuinely been through horrible shit and can be super intriguing individuals

Conflict posted...

If you know who you are and you know you wouldn't be able to handle it, then by all means, don't. There is nothing wrong with that. It's telling everyone else not to try when it becomes a problem. Who are they supposed to date then?

Since people with BPD aren't particularly known for being unable to date, plenty of people. Most of them being people who don't care enough about the condition to ask for input on gamefaqs.com.

CE doesn't strike me as emotional geniuses who can weave through complex relationships and needs. The answer for 99% of the forum is probably no, hence why we've to see anyone on this board specifically recount an acceptable dating experience in this context. It's just a target audience thing, not universal.

daftpunk_mk5 posted...

Hit and quit.

The nice thing about BPD is the splitting... you're either the best person in the world or the worst. So after you hook up then ghost her, she's going to think you're the devil and wont want anything to do with you.

It is strongly advisable to NOT pull a "hit it and quit it and ghost" act on someone with BPD. Depending on how far they are on the BPD slider, if you have sex with them and drop them immediately, this will send them into a very EXTREMELY VIOLENT RAGE and you better fucking believe they will hunt your ass down and do who knows what to you and / or your private property. Emotionally messing with someone with BPD is a terrible idea that can backfire on you in a very violent way. Do NOT do it (and that goes for anyone else reading this, don't even attempt to do something like that) and just leave them the hell alone. Also, in the event something goes wrong while having sex and you get them pregnant, you are going to have one hell of a nasty problem on your hands when they start demanding child support and they start getting a lawyer involved.

Fucking Christ. I'm pretty sure at minimum half the posters in here should be banned for the heinous shit they think is okay to say.

I dated someone with BPD.

At the start, it was incredible. As soon as things happened in my life that could threaten the amount of time or attention I could invest in them, things got toxic, psychologically manipulative and downright fucking awful quickly. Whenever Id start to try to get out, theyd start being very affectionate and do all these really sweet things. Sometimes it got *really* bad and I tried to get out of the relationship and theyd then threaten to kill themselves.

They ended up breaking up with me, because I wouldnt come over one Friday night after Id just lost my job and had a massive cold. (One hour drive in fuckawful traffic). I called their bluff and said fine.

They alternated between accusing me of breaking their heart and begging me to take them back, and after a few weeks promised theyd actually work on things. I was stupid enough to take that at face value. We lasted three weeks before I pulled the plug and once again was stupid enough to agree to an FWB arrangement.

Then came a fake pregnancy, then weird lies about a miscarriage.

Cut off all contact after getting all my shit back from their place.

I wonder if my ex had some of this. I went on a stress leave for work and the times when I had undevoted attention on her things her great. But when I worked being with her was like having two jobs

QueenCarly posted...

Fucking Christ. I'm pretty sure at minimum half the posters in here should be banned for the heinous shit they think is okay to say.

.................

Didn't you once advocate for murdering the children of rich families just because their families were rich?

Gobstoppers12 posted...

.................

Didn't you once advocate for murdering the children of rich families just because their families were rich?

that one wasn't me

The_Creep_2020 posted...

I dated someone with BPD.

At the start, it was incredible. As soon as things happened in my life that could threaten the amount of time or attention I could invest in them, things got toxic, psychologically manipulative and downright fucking awful quickly. Whenever Id start to try to get out, theyd start being very affectionate and do all these really sweet things. Sometimes it got *really* bad and I tried to get out of the relationship and theyd then threaten to kill themselves.

They ended up breaking up with me, because I wouldnt come over one Friday night after Id just lost my job and had a massive cold. (One hour drive in fuckawful traffic). I called their bluff and said fine.

They alternated between accusing me of breaking their heart and begging me to take them back, and after a few weeks promised theyd actually work on things. I was stupid enough to take that at face value. We lasted three weeks before I pulled the plug and once again was stupid enough to agree to an FWB arrangement.

Then came a fake pregnancy, then weird lies about a miscarriage.

Cut off all contact after getting all my shit back from their place.

I was like her when I was 17... I didn't fix anything.. I just went on a 15 year streak of fucking people I didn't care about to avoid having to feel like that again. Only to accidentally fall in love and realize I'm emotionally still that 17-year-old boy.

I've spent the last year confronting those issues and working on them.. Have even started therapy recently and finally found a therapist I jive with.

Honestly, a lot of my initial improvements started with pretty much utter mental anguish where I merely pretended I was fine with separation. Like my logical brain knew it was alright to be apart, but my emotions were just storming inside of me.

Now I honestly feel a good bit better.. But I need to remain vigilant and not let myself enter negative thought patterns. Especially as I work on confronting other demons.

I know you didn't ask for this but it just came out.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Man you have earned my sword.. Tagging you accordingly because I forget names. You are a good person. I really appreciate you.

Yes jo, this is your chance to make it about yourself. CE knows your history. Doesnt change your denial when discussing the subject.

--Zero- posted...

Two more posters who probably have no experience with BPD and came into this topic to blather on about nothing. They must enjoy getting off with baseless insults to people with real
life experiences. Not all mental health is a sad puppy that needs to be coddled because you feel bad. A good chunk of people with BPD are really difficult to be in a relationship with and they cant help how they feel, but that doesnt change that there is a side to them that can be destructive to the people who love them.

Obviously some of them get help and have a strong foundation to deal with them when things get rough. Denying or insulting anyone who knows first hand what BPD entails is just being delusional or trolling.

Yeah I really don't get why these clowns think unprovoked insults are doing anything but hurting their side of the argument.

the only thing i know about bpd is what i saw on crazy ex girlfriend. i know i know "thats just a tv show" right. but the creator wanted it to address real issues. seems rough for both sides.

--Zero- posted...

Two more posters who probably have no experience with BPD and came into this topic to blather on about nothing. They must enjoy getting off with baseless insults to people with real
life experiences. Not all mental health is a sad puppy that needs to be coddled because you feel bad. A good chunk of people with BPD are really difficult to be in a relationship with and they cant help how they feel, but that doesnt change that there is a side to them that can be destructive to the people who love them.

Obviously some of them get help and have a strong foundation to deal with them when things get rough. Denying or insulting anyone who knows first hand what BPD entails is just being delusional or trolling.

It's language. Address the individual because addressing the disorder works to treat us as a monolith, whether that is intentional or not. This could very well be a productive discussion on untreated mental illness and promoting awareness or some shit.

Regardless, describing your bad experience with an individual of a group to enlighten others about the characteristics of said group isn't really in good taste, is it?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


Thank you. :)

I woke up today and saw this topic and it honestly triggered the fuck out of me because I've had a few shitty days. But I managed to turn the day around and now I can more productively engage compared to my early replies.

BettyWhite posted...

I know you didn't ask for this but it just came out.

Its all good. Im glad youre working through things and trying to make progress. Mad respect.

I should have added in my post, my experience was purely anecdotal, and based on someone who quite possibly had been lying out their ass to justify their behaviour.

The_Creep_2020 posted...

Its all good. Im glad youre working through things and trying to make progress. Mad respect.

I should have added in my post, my experience was purely anecdotal, and based on someone who quite possibly had been lying out their ass to justify their behavior.

I mean, I just jumped on your post and started sharing my experience. Ain't very different from what you did. Lol.

I can understand entirely how damaging it could be to endure someone with unchecked BPD. My fervor in overcoming it is rooted in my knowing how awful I can make the person I love the most feel.

But I can say it wasn't intentional at all.. Just a complete irrational state of fear in losing the person I love and going through any fucked up length to keep them around.

You found this out from a google search?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]


And how rough it is to steer away from the path of self-loathing because of that loss. Like, at the moment when in it is at it's hardest to so, I must manage to be gentle and forgiving with myself.

@BettyWhite I am happy that you are working through this. I have had uncontrollable anxious thoughts from time to time, so I can at least understand how one can rationally "know" one thing but the emotions still go another way.

As I said, I personally couldn't figure out how to handle my ex and it was too much for me. She is a truly good person, but she simply has severe emotional regulation problems and "splitting". I was with her for 2 years and I don't regret our time together, but I do kinda regret that we couldn't make it work. She does seem to be better with guys who have more patience and who are less social than I am (it triggered her insecurity).

I guess if you've been in a terrible and abusive relationship, you're not allowed to share or talk about it on CE without people thinking you're a terrible person.

So I lost my virginity to a girl with BPD (or later diagnosed, anyway)

She told me it was the best sex she ever had and how in love with me she was and all kinda crazy shit that I wasn't buying.

The very next day she blew my best friend. Lmao.

Dat_Cracka_Jax posted...

I guess if you've been in a terrible and abusive relationship, you're not allowed to share or talk about it on CE without people thinking you're a terrible person.

Or there is a difference between sharing your experience and giving advice on red flags to look out for vs saying to avoid them like the plague and implying they are all terrible people.

Dat_Cracka_Jax posted...

I guess if you've been in a terrible and abusive relationship, you're not allowed to share or talk about it on CE without people thinking you're a terrible person.

My favorite thought exercise is to replace whatever group I'm complaining about with Atlantians, and if it sounds like they'd invade over my comments, I assume I'm being to broad in my accusations

Unless you're a terrorist group or something, but theyd want to invade regardless so I guess it works

remember: your experiences are not extrapolatable. being abused by someone with BPD does not mean that that abuse is attributable to BPD. fifty people, a hundred people, even a thousand people having similar experiences to you, still does not mean that those experiences are attributable to BPD.

averagejoel posted...

remember: your experiences are not extrapolatable. being abused by someone with BPD does not mean that that abuse is attributable to BPD. fifty people, a hundred people, even a thousand people having similar experiences to you, still does not mean that those experiences are attributable to BPD.

While I have been defending people with BPD, I think many of the examples are attributable to BPD. The descriptions do match the unchecked symptoms that can occur. We need to keep some perspective here.

My point is that not everyone with BPD is the same. There are officially nine potential symptom buckets (with 5 needed for diagnosis). There are also differences in severity, and also a BIG difference if someone is treating the symptoms through therapy and/or medication.

I don't think we should condemn someone with BPD before meeting them, but I think we can also state that the people who have had issues with others with BPD is at least partially because they have BPD.

bsp77 posted...

While I have been defending people with BPD, I think many of the examples are attributable to BPD. The descriptions do match the unchecked symptoms that can occur. We need to keep some perspective here.

My point is that not everyone with BPD is the same. There are officially nine potential symptom buckets (with 5 needed for diagnosis). There are also differences in severity, and also a BIG difference if someone is treating the symptoms through therapy and/or medication.

I don't think we should condemn someone with BPD before meeting them, but I think we can also state that the people who have had issues with others with BPD is at least partially because they have BPD.

Being in treatment should really be a bare minimum for people with severe or debilitating mental illnesses. You wouldnt recommend someone date an addict who is in the midst of a relapse, and you wouldnt recommend an addict in the midst of a relapse date anyone (in fact I think most treatment programs tell addicts to wait like a year from getting clean before they start new relationships). I think the same thing can apply to those with other potentially harmful mental illnesses. There are definitely realistic expectations that can be set without demonizing every single person who has an illness.

MrToothHasYou posted...

Being in treatment should really be a bare minimum for people with severe or debilitating mental illnesses. You wouldnt recommend someone date an addict who is in the midst of a relapse, and you wouldnt recommend an addict in the midst of a relapse date anyone (in fact I think most treatment programs tell addicts to wait like a year from getting clean before they start new relationships). I think the same thing can apply to those with other potentially harmful mental illnesses. There are definitely realistic expectations that can be set without demonizing every single person who has an illness.

I can agree with this. But the person the TC was talking about was discussing her journey on Instagram, so she is getting some treatment.