Current Events > Gf just broke up with me. Dunno what to do.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Lorenzo_2003 posted...

rexcrk posted...

Actually... its not always easy to meet people. Its been almost two years since my ex and I truly havent found anyone. But I also started school along with my full time job so I havent necessarily been looking either lol.

Well, yeah. If you have not been actively trying to meet new people and ask them out, then you cant really say its not easy. I mean, come on, youre in school. Unless your school is some kind of anomaly, there must be available singles all over the place.

Its actually online classes lol which still surprisingly take up a lot of time.
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Lots of good advice here, at risk of repeating it, here is what I would do:

1. No Contact
2. Take a short time to mourn.
3. Recognize the facts;
A. She broke up by text
B. Her reason was horseshit
C. You are going to be okay.

4. Write a letter, telling her how much she hurt you, and how upset you are. Then burn it, to symbolically "release her". Then, write a new letter, about how you are going on with your life, WITHOUT mentioning her, the relationship, or anything related.

5. Move forward.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

She did via text too. Which really offended me. She says it had nothing to do with me, but that she needed to focus on her independence right now. She says Im the best shes been with and that she wished she could provide better.

But tbh. I dunno what to do. We work at the same job; different departments. But we live ~an hour apart. I definitely dont want to move past her. But I sure as hell dont dig this friendship thing. I tried for a day or two, and it just doesnt work.

I feel like this was it. We had perfect chemistry and interests and everything. We were only together for half a year but zero arguments. Sex was good. Shared personal stuff.

I dont know the success rate of sliding back in if I just wait. Nor do I know if Im setting myself up for failure if I do.

All I know is that I just watched Avengers, and Im feeling emotionally charged.

I only have women friends at work and their advice is terrible.

Straight guys shouldnt be going to girls for bare bones relationship advice - theyre gonna be coming at every issue from a different viewpoint.

But dont get hung up on her breaking up with you via text imo. As long as were not talking about actual ghosting, delivering the message directly (text, call, talking in person) is delivering the message.
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CesarFaison posted...

You say she isn't the type to have dumped you because she found someone else, yet here you are surprised and upset that she suddenly dumped you via text message.

Well, these are two different things. She at least acknowledged that she was sorry for doing it via text. Finding someone else just seems like a reach. She would just tell me thats why. Shes many things, but a liar isnt one of them. She has shared bad things shes done without me asking before. She cried the last time I was with her because she had to cut our day short; and she felt bad.

Again, yall dont have context. And I get yall wanna be helpful. But the she found someone else is a weak thought. Im sorry if any of yall dealt with it, but thats not what happened here.

metallica846 posted...

Also get rid of her on ALL social media. Otherwise you will do what I did and stalk that bitch and see who she's talking to. It's bad. We are giving you good advice, in a mean way, but it's good.

Guilty as charged, lol. I dont even really use social media either. But yea, I imagine its not healthy.

Cleo_II posted...

Echoing the no contact advice. I get the need for closure but theres no such thing. Your need for closure is just stemming from your addiction to her. You want to find some reason to stay in contact with her. And thats normal. Breaking up with people is like breaking a habit. Youve spent 6 months with her, communicating every day. Its hard to cut things off abruptly but its the best way to move on from someone.

I guess this is the real reason. I tried just talking like a friend but its too hard. Thus, the topic. I just gotta get my emotions in check.

I appreciate the legit advice in this topic (and PMs). Im feeling okay. Trying to just find a new relationship definitely seems like a bad coping method. And I definitely agree the distance must have been the hindering factor.

I dont know why she has to break things off. But it is what it is.
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I need to copy and paste and save some of these tips HUH
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Yeah it's actually probably not best to find someone new right away, give it some time. Focus on yourself, improve yourself as a person and it'll not only make your life better overall, but you'll meet better girls when you're ready. You'll also have more time to hang out with your friends who won't disrespect you.
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Bumping to keep this high quality topic alive
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Sonic Cannon posted...

Bumping to keep this high quality topic alive

Theres nothing else to discuss.
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Sounds like your gf met chad and experienced 10inches of independence and freedom.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

CesarFaison posted...

You say she isn't the type to have dumped you because she found someone else, yet here you are surprised and upset that she suddenly dumped you via text message.

Well, these are two different things. She at least acknowledged that she was sorry for doing it via text. Finding someone else just seems like a reach. She would just tell me thats why. Shes many things, but a liar isnt one of them. She has shared bad things shes done without me asking before. She cried the last time I was with her because she had to cut our day short; and she felt bad.

Again, yall dont have context. And I get yall wanna be helpful. But the she found someone else is a weak thought. Im sorry if any of yall dealt with it, but thats not what happened here.

metallica846 posted...

Also get rid of her on ALL social media. Otherwise you will do what I did and stalk that bitch and see who she's talking to. It's bad. We are giving you good advice, in a mean way, but it's good.

Guilty as charged, lol. I dont even really use social media either. But yea, I imagine its not healthy.

Cleo_II posted...

Echoing the no contact advice. I get the need for closure but theres no such thing. Your need for closure is just stemming from your addiction to her. You want to find some reason to stay in contact with her. And thats normal. Breaking up with people is like breaking a habit. Youve spent 6 months with her, communicating every day. Its hard to cut things off abruptly but its the best way to move on from someone.

I guess this is the real reason. I tried just talking like a friend but its too hard. Thus, the topic. I just gotta get my emotions in check.

I appreciate the legit advice in this topic (and PMs). Im feeling okay. Trying to just find a new relationship definitely seems like a bad coping method. And I definitely agree the distance must have been the hindering factor.

I dont know why she has to break things off. But it is what it is.

I feel like a lot of the advice in this topic is really only good for shallow relationships, one night stands, or someone you pick up at a bar and never see them again.

When you have a wife, family member, or someone you value who does you wrong, you can't just quit and go "cold turkey" at the drop of a hat.

You attempt to work it out like adults. If no resolution has been made, THEN you can move on and go cold turkey because you have done your part. You got it off your chest, and that's what TC did.
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So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

Once you realize you shouldn't allow another human being this much control over your life, state of thought, and personal value.
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Give it a couple months. You're not going to feel good, but at the very least you should keep yourself busy.
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Yazarogi posted...

Once you realize you shouldn't allow another human being this much control over your life, state of thought, and personal value.

Flockaveli posted...

Give it a couple months. You're not going to feel good, but at the very least you should keep yourself busy.

These.
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Unite posted...

Sounds like your gf met chad and experienced 10inches of independence and freedom.

Thats harsh lol
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

I went up and down for a while. there were spikes where I felt horrible (either sad or angry) for weeks and months later but the overall trend of my mood was improving. like even that sting I felt when I thought about her was diminishing over time. it got worse when she contacted me again so i'd recommend avoiding her. also get rid of anything that reminds you of her. like anything she gave you. that helped me a lot
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

Go get some punani. Quality, if you can.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

It takes time and I found that the first proper breakup was the worst. Keep busy. Do NEW things. Learn that it's possible to have new positive experiences without her in your life This was my biggest issue. All my thoughts were on the good times we had together and I would never have good times again without her. Once I started getting out and about and making new memories it started to get further and further back in my mind.
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Crepes posted...

cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

It takes time and I found that the first proper breakup was the worst. Keep busy. Do NEW things. Learn that it's possible to have new positive experiences without her in your life This was my biggest issue. All my thoughts were on the good times we had together and I would never have good times again without her. Once I started getting out and about and making new memories it started to get further and further back in my mind.

Exactly what I did in this situation. Just going about the daily monotony but without her doesn't help anything.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

Months
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I havent read the rest of the posts but the fact you never got into an argument is actually a red flag to me.

I consider getting into an argument actually a good thing once in a while. It means both of you are passionate about something.

I have found that the strangest couples are the ones who barely ever argue.

I could be wrong, but this is something Ive picked up over the years. Im convinced a lot of women like when you disagree with them at times. It may present a knowledge that youre not just kissing their ass and have your own mindset.
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ThyCorndog posted...

cuttin_in_farm posted...

So when are you supposed to start feeling good again? Because tbh, Im becoming more agitated each day.

I went up and down for a while. there were spikes where I felt horrible (either sad or angry) for weeks and months later but the overall trend of my mood was improving. like even that sting I felt when I thought about her was diminishing over time. it got worse when she contacted me again so i'd recommend avoiding her. also get rid of anything that reminds you of her. like anything she gave you. that helped me a lot

This helps. I was unsure if my experience was normal. I have her book, which I tried to return, but it proved more difficult than necessary. Though I will admit it was an excuse to see her again.

BlazinBlue88 posted...

Exactly what I did in this situation. Just going about the daily monotony but without her doesn't help anything.

This might be my issue too. I regressed on things like going to the gym or writing, or playing with my dog. I need to get myself to do these things again for my own sake.

garlic powder posted...

I havent read the rest of the posts but the fact you never got into an argument is actually a red flag to me.

I consider getting into an argument actually a good thing once in a while. It means both of you are passionate about something.

I have found that the strangest couples are the ones who barely ever argue.

I could be wrong, but this is something Ive picked up over the years. Im convinced a lot of women like when you disagree with them at times. It may present a knowledge that youre not just kissing their ass and have your own mindset.

Interesting viewpoint. Maybe my navet, but I just figured neither of us were ones to rock the boat if it wasnt important. I expect disagreements to come about more if we lived together. Thats when personalities can most clash.
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metallica846 posted...

It takes months to get over a girl you liked. Maybe more if she dumps you.

Have you tried contacting her?

Yes. Initially I tried to be friends, but it was too soon to try that.

Then every now and then Id text and stuff. Its not like were on bad terms or anything. But her texts were visibly less energetic. I dunno if its because shes seriously that out of it or if its me. After a while, I just decided to do the no contact method. Especially since returning her book was a hard process. Ill see where it goes.
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She wasn't into you. Unrequited love is a real bitch. It's the most unfair of all unfairs and one of the shittiest feelings a person can have. "What's wrong with me?" "Why doesn't she love me?" "Am I unlovable?". Don't listen to those voices, there's nothing wrong with you.

She's just a coward and doesn't want to tell you the real reason as to why she doesn't want to be with you. Guaranteed it has nothing to do with her wanting to work on herself lol. The relationship just wasn't clicking with her like it was with you. She just wasn't feeling it. It sucks, but thems the breaks.
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Be glad it ended now, and you didn't end up wasting years of your life, with constant fighting and making up just on and off, ultimately for it to not work out.

A lot of people waste a ton of time and energy just to get the same result you did.

You can only be there for yourself now. Do what makes you feel better, not necessarily makes you feel happy. Working out, cooking, reading, they may not all be things that'll make you happy but they're all things you can get better at, and right now it's all about you getting better.
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Flockaveli posted...

Be glad it ended now, and you didn't end up wasting years of your life, with constant fighting and making up just on and off, ultimately for it to not work out.

A lot of people waste a ton of time and energy just to get the same result you did.

You can only be there for yourself now. Do what makes you feel better, not necessarily makes you feel happy. Working out, cooking, reading, they may not all be things that'll make you happy but they're all things you can get better at, and right now it's all about you getting better.

Yeah. I wasted 7 years of my life on a relationship that ended in divorce. 6 months is nothing, bruh. It feels like a long time cause you're still just a kid (23 is still a baby in my eyes). This girl ain't worth your heart ache. I know you're going to hurt anyway, and that sucks, but it will get better.
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I dont agree with shes not worth it angle, but I definitely understand and appreciate these things happening BEFORE serious stuff like a house, kids, or bills.

I dont have ill will towards her. And I believe her when she says she has to focus on herself. But developing myself is all I can do currently. Just sucks cause I keep wanting to include her.
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just realize (like I have, and it's been hard to do so) that you don't miss her, you miss how she made you feel. she's not special and there's more girls out there that will make you feel the same way without all this bullshit and hurt that follows
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garlic powder posted...

I havent read the rest of the posts but the fact you never got into an argument is actually a red flag to me.

I consider getting into an argument actually a good thing once in a while. It means both of you are passionate about something.

I have found that the strangest couples are the ones who barely ever argue.

I could be wrong, but this is something Ive picked up over the years. Im convinced a lot of women like when you disagree with them at times. It may present a knowledge that youre not just kissing their ass and have your own mindset.

I'm gonna disagree here. There's nothing essential about having arguments, as long as you're able to both express your views and find a path forward together. My wife and I have been together for 11 years, and never had a heated argument. On the flipside, there's also nothing inherently wrong with having arguments, as long as you don't stray into the territory of saying things for the purpose of doing damage to your partner or upsetting them just to "win." That kind of hurt can linger and really decay things over time.
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Yea, its not like we never disagreed on anything. We just never argued. Typically one or both of us could simply make a compromise.
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ThyCorndog posted...

just realize (like I have, and it's been hard to do so) that you don't miss her, you miss how she made you feel. she's not special and there's more girls out there that will make you feel the same way without all this bullshit and hurt that follows

I dunno. I feel like I definitely miss her.

I tried to hang out three of my closer friends recently. One never responded to my text. One made plans, but their phone wont receive texts when I follow up, while the third just canceled last minute today.

Everyone else is entirely unreliable at anything, and Im feeling more and more dread as days go by. I tried to occupy my day by just being by myself today. And besides running with my dog, I realize just now all I did was run errands for myself. Which isnt any different from my codependent relationships of days past.

Im trying really hard not to text her, but when shes the only one who reciprocates, its extremely hard.

Work sucks. My computer that had all my writing and journaling just died. And I feel like she left at quite possibly the worst time. Im literally blogfaqing now.
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You're going through the worst of it right now.

It'll get a little (and I mean a little) bit easier with each passing week. You'll have bad days where you'll really miss her and want to talk to her, but you'll have some good days where you won't think about her that much.

You've got this, man. It might take months, but you'll come out of this stronger as a person.
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clean break
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MGTOW is the answer.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

ThyCorndog posted...

just realize (like I have, and it's been hard to do so) that you don't miss her, you miss how she made you feel. she's not special and there's more girls out there that will make you feel the same way without all this bullshit and hurt that follows

I dunno. I feel like I definitely miss her.

I tried to hang out three of my closer friends recently. One never responded to my text. One made plans, but their phone wont receive texts when I follow up, while the third just canceled last minute today.

Everyone else is entirely unreliable at anything, and Im feeling more and more dread as days go by. I tried to occupy my day by just being by myself today. And besides running with my dog, I realize just now all I did was run errands for myself. Which isnt any different from my codependent relationships of days past.

Im trying really hard not to text her, but when shes the only one who reciprocates, its extremely hard.

Work sucks. My computer that had all my writing and journaling just died. And I feel like she left at quite possibly the worst time. Im literally blogfaqing now.

Get used to not having friends be as close or as available as you get older.

You move to different cities or get your own places, you have your own jobs, projects, careers etc.

I spend more time with my girlfriend than any of my friends.

My friends don't even live in the same part of the city as me anymore.

I have a full time job and a side business I don't have time to just hang out to hang out like I used to and I damn sure don't feel like driving 45 minutes on a weekend to see a friend.

It's just life.

Get used to being okay with solitude if you want to enjoy your adulthood and mature.

Stop relying on other people for support, purpose, or happiness.

You should be able to enjoy your own company.

Yes being social is part of human nature but people not answering you or getting back to you right away shouldn't affect you in my opinion.

Peace.
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Solitude 24/7 sure is fun.

Self development is pointless if you cant share it with anyone.
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De Evolution posted...

Get used to being okay with solitude if you want to enjoy your adulthood and mature.

Stop relying on other people for support, purpose, or happiness.

You should be able to enjoy your own company.

Yes being social is part of human nature but people not answering you or getting back to you right away shouldn't affect you in my opinion.

Yeah cuz this clearly means be in solitude 24/7.
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Except thats my complaint.

Not that I cannot be alone for a bit.

Im not sure what your post is even referring too.

I tried to do things not involving her. But literally everyone I know either doesnt have time or just wont do anything. My gf was the only one, but as per the topic, now even she doesnt have time.

So I have to sit in solitude and just think all day. Over and over again. If I could stay active this would be easier.
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Go out by yourself and interact with people.

Don't tell me you're a grown adult who needs other people to have any fun or interaction.

Make friends, clique up with strangers, be social.
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De Evolution posted...

Go out by yourself and interact with people.

Don't tell me you're a grown adult who needs other people to have any fun or interaction.

Make friends, clique up with strangers, be social.

Where?

At this age, people already have friend circles. People already have their group they are safe making weekend plans with. Some lone stranger is not going to somehow infiltrate.

I know you dont do this. Yet you glibly think its somehow good advice.

Next thing you tell me is to join a hobby/club/group. As if those are just everywhere while also being open weekends since I work workdays.

I am a grown adult who cannot have fun constantly alone, yes. My primary source of enjoyment is seeing the enjoyment of others. Sue the hell out of me for having a personality defect I guess.

Talking to strangers isnt difficult, no. But befriending one isnt. I dont perform well in large groups, and most people who are out are in large groups.

So please, dont talk so dismissively.
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If what she told you makes no sense to you it's probably a story told to make you feel better.

Leave.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

De Evolution posted...

Go out by yourself and interact with people.

Don't tell me you're a grown adult who needs other people to have any fun or interaction.

Make friends, clique up with strangers, be social.

Where?

At this age, people already have friend circles. People already have their group they are safe making weekend plans with. Some lone stranger is not going to somehow infiltrate.

I know you dont do this. Yet you glibly think its somehow good advice.

Next thing you tell me is to join a hobby/club/group. As if those are just everywhere while also being open weekends since I work workdays.

I am a grown adult who cannot have fun constantly alone, yes. My primary source of enjoyment is seeing the enjoyment of others. Sue the hell out of me for having a personality defect I guess.

Talking to strangers isnt difficult, no. But befriending one isnt. I dont perform well in large groups, and most people who are out are in large groups.

So please, dont talk so dismissively.

Nobody is being honest with you so I will. You're going to live the rest of your life completely alone and when you're on your death bed in the hospital the only person you'll see is the nurse.

cuttin_in_farm posted...

De Evolution posted...

Go out by yourself and interact with people.

Don't tell me you're a grown adult who needs other people to have any fun or interaction.

Make friends, clique up with strangers, be social.

Where?

At this age, people already have friend circles. People already have their group they are safe making weekend plans with. Some lone stranger is not going to somehow infiltrate.

I know you dont do this. Yet you glibly think its somehow good advice.

Next thing you tell me is to join a hobby/club/group. As if those are just everywhere while also being open weekends since I work workdays.

I am a grown adult who cannot have fun constantly alone, yes. My primary source of enjoyment is seeing the enjoyment of others. Sue the hell out of me for having a personality defect I guess.

Talking to strangers isnt difficult, no. But befriending one isnt. I dont perform well in large groups, and most people who are out are in large groups.

So please, dont talk so dismissively.

Dude, you got to keep yourself busy to keep that girl off your mind. This is literally the best time to improve yourself since she won't be distracting you and it'll improve your mood doing other things. Go hit the gym, go join a club that is a part of your hobbies, do something you've wanted to do that you hadn't had time for like learn an instrument, or join a sports league, even learn to dance. Keep trying to hang out with your friends, it's tough as an adult but be patient, we all have responsibilities and commitments.

And don't do these things with the idea that you'll meet girls, or even new friends, do them for yourself.
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cuttin_in_farm posted...

ThyCorndog posted...

just realize (like I have, and it's been hard to do so) that you don't miss her, you miss how she made you feel. she's not special and there's more girls out there that will make you feel the same way without all this bullshit and hurt that follows

I dunno. I feel like I definitely miss her.

I tried to hang out three of my closer friends recently. One never responded to my text. One made plans, but their phone wont receive texts when I follow up, while the third just canceled last minute today.

Everyone else is entirely unreliable at anything, and Im feeling more and more dread as days go by. I tried to occupy my day by just being by myself today. And besides running with my dog, I realize just now all I did was run errands for myself. Which isnt any different from my codependent relationships of days past.

Im trying really hard not to text her, but when shes the only one who reciprocates, its extremely hard.

Work sucks. My computer that had all my writing and journaling just died. And I feel like she left at quite possibly the worst time. Im literally blogfaqing now.

I know how you feel cause I've just been there. My friends were being shit and not there for me when I needed them most (after she left me). You have to acknowledge that you're lonely and then ask yourself if the temporary relief you get from talking to her is worth prolonging the hurt you feel from thinking about her. Cause the only way you'll start thinking less about her is to not constantly remind yourself about the fact she exists. You're going to automatically think about her anyway, and constantly looking at her social media or talking to her is just making it so you'll never stop thinking about her. Plus ask yourself how you're going to feel when you start seeing her or hearing about her with other guys? Are you gonna be able to handle that in the state you're in?
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ThyCorndog posted...

Plus ask yourself how you're going to feel when you start seeing her or hearing about her with other guys? Are you gonna be able to handle that in the state you're in?

Ill just have to make sure that doesnt happen.

doomcrusader posted...

Dude, you got to keep yourself busy to keep that girl off your mind. This is literally the best time to improve yourself since she won't be distracting you and it'll improve your mood doing other things

I understand the logic. But she helped me become motivated.

The odd thing is that Im completely content with myself as is. I have disposable income. My credit is great. My body is pretty small, but Im getting there. Im eating better.

But anything else I dont need. I only really care if Im with someone. Thus my issue. I refuse to be alone again.
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I know it sucks but break ups happen bro. Moving on is the best thing you can do. No need to cry over a chick youve only been with for 6months.
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