Board 8 > Anagram ranks 153 waifus nominated by Board 8: The Topic

(+) Yeah! (+)

Just realized that Rin wasn't even nominated. I thought B8 loved the Fate series.
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ShoeTheCat posted...

Just realized that Rin wasn't even nominated. I thought B8 loved the Fate series.

Is Fate the series with girl King Arthur? That's the only character I know.
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143. Roz
https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/pixar/images/8/8b/Roz.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20110110005339
Origin: Monsters Inc.
Nominator: Great_Paul
Looks: 16
Personality: 18
Projected Wife Capacity: 30
Overall Score: 18

Roz is the secretary and administrator for the Scare Floor. I saw Monsters Inc. in theaters, but I haven’t seen it since, so I had to look her up on the Wiki. To be honest, I remember basically nothing from that movie.

In terms of looks, she’s a big slug monsters with a gray Mohawk, lipstick on only one lip, and old lady glasses. I probably don’t need to explain further, but if she was human, she’d look like an obese fifty year-old lady. And is there any animal grosser than slugs? … probably.

In terms of personality, she’s mean, petulant, and a jerk. At one point she slams the shutters on a guy’s fingers to end a conversation. It’s partly an act, in that she turns out to be a spy, but all indications are still that she’s just a mean person. I don’t want to be with someone like that.

As for her PWC, she is at least capable of holding down a job, but I don’t think she really scores well in any of the other attributes I look for in a waifu. I’m not going to be able to talk to her about common interests, I’m not going to be able to go out with her on the town, and I’m not going to be able to eat food with salt and then kiss her, and let me tell you, I like salt.

All in all, I’m Rozzed out, and I don’t even remember seeing her in action.
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Anagram posted...

I’m not going to be able to eat food with salt and then kiss her, and let me tell you, I like salt.

This is the best waifu ranking topic I've seen.
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Bump
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142. Sunflower
https://vignette1.wikia.nocookie.net/conker/images/8/81/Sunflower.png/revision/latest?cb=20130807201933
Origin: Conker’s Bad Fur Day
Nominator: kateee
Looks: 6
Personality: 35
Projected Wife Capacity: 20
Overall Score: 20.3

I don’t know if you follow the Pokemon ranking topics, but in them, braze posts a sexy picture of each pokemon. This reminds me of them. Sunflower is an adulterous flower who tempts a bee away from his wife. Conker can complete a quest involving helping the bee pollinate her, with all of the sexual undertones that implies. Then she just tells Conker to bounce on her breasts.

Looks-wise, I mean, she has a nice face, but there’s a limit to how large breasts should be. These are almost the size of her head. Also, she’s a flower.

Personality-wise, I’m not super into really slutty girls.

PWC-wise, this is a woman who doesn’t mind tempting men away from their wives, so I have to assume she sees little wrong with straying herself.

No thanks, Sunflower. Go find someone else to pollinate you.
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Bump
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141. Krystal
https://vignette3.wikia.nocookie.net/starfox/images/0/0e/Krystalgun.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20090829170959
Origin: Star Fox
Nominator: kateee
Looks: 21
Personality: 21
Projected Wife Capacity: 35
Overall Score: 25.7

You ever give someone the benefit of the doubt and say to yourself “No, he couldn’t have possibly meant to make that innuendo,” only to find out he did mean to? That’s how I felt about Nintendo and Krystal’s furry appeal. I remember Star Fox Adventures coming out, me not being able to finish the part early on where you have to press a button super fast to move a log, and just giving up. Krystal made no impression on me. It wasn’t until I lost some of that childhood innocence (though this game came out when I was fourteen) and learned about furries that I thought about her in any real capacity. Sonic may be the king of furries, but Fox is the vizier.

Looks-wise, I am simply not a furry. I can understand how she might tick all of the boxes for a furry, and I guess her body is pretty good if you ignore the fur, but in the end, she’s a fox lady, and she’s not going to overcome that. I do like how she has human-style hair when Fox doesn’t. Her creators knew exactly what they were doing.

Personality-wise, Krystal is a piece of cardboard. She’s worse than that, actually. Cardboard you can do things with. You can twist it up, you can get it wet, you can make tubes out of it and store movie posters in it… Krystal is more like a gray slab of rock. The most you can do with it is crush it into smaller pieces. As an aside, she completely ruins the dynamic of Star Fox. Fox is the leader, Falco is the sarcastic guy, Slippy is the brains, and Peppy is the wise master. Replace Peppy with “the girl” and everything falls apart.

Now, I initially gave Krystal an average PWC, but then I did a once-over of her Wiki page and found I’d missed something: that she was psychic. I completely forgot about that. Nope, nope, nope. I have zero desire for my waifu to go rooting around in my brain to know if I’m lying, if I just watched some porn, if I’m attracted to another woman, that’s only going to cause problems. There’s no way this is going to work out. Even if her psychic abilities are limited just to emotions, this would be a nightmare.

Sorry, Krystal. Maybe Panther will take you.
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Panther?
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Pram_the_Oracle posted...

Panther?

http://starfox.wikia.com/wiki/Panther_Caroso

One of the later crappy Star Fox characters. Everything after 64 is mediocre at best.
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His name is Panther Caroso so that invalidates what you said
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Bane_Of_Despair posted...

His name is Panther Caroso so that invalidates what you said

Am I supposed to say Fox McCloud every time I talk about him instead of just Fox?
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No, I think he's saying the name "Panther Caroso" is so cool that it's impossible for everything after 64 to be mediocre.
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trdl23 posted...

No, I think he's saying the name "Panther Caroso" is so cool that it's impossible for everything after 64 to be mediocre.

Oh, okay.

Meh.
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140. Kalluto Zoldyck
https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/hunterxhunter/images/f/f3/Kalluto_Zoldyck_2011.png/revision/latest?cb=20150111054819
Origin: Hunter x Hunter
Nominator: tazzyboyishere
Looks: 20
Personality: 30
Projected Wife Capacity: 30
Overall Score: 26.7

After some consideration, I’ve decided that being a boy does negatively your looks and PWC scores, but not your personality score. Kalluto will be the first to suffer from this.

Kalluto’s first problem is that he’s a boy. Right off the bat, I’m not attracted to men, and this kind of ties into his second problem, because he’s not a man, he’s a boy. He’s ten. And not even Nowi-ten, but actually-ten. I can imagine this style of haircut and kimono being attractive on a woman, but the dude isn’t even five feet tall.

Now, being a boy doesn’t affect your personality score, so Kalluto’s low score here is purely due to sucking. I prefer waifus with a little more will and spunk than none at all, and Kalluto’s Wiki page says he’s “silent and obedient” and “doesn’t speak more than six words.” These are all low points to me. I like waifus who have something to say.

As for his PWC, I infer that he might be able to act the part, but in the end, being a boy is just too great a hurdle to get over for me. Also being a child.

Sorry, Kalluto. Maybe one day I’ll figure out if Kalluto or Zoldyck is your given name, since I know there’s a weird thing going on with Japanese names.
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That's the krystal pic again.
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It's Kalluto, he's from the Zoldyck family of assassins. And yeah I would put him low as well.
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Logicblade posted...

That's the krystal pic again.

Fixed
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139. Chloe Frazer
https://vignette2.wikia.nocookie.net/uncharted/images/a/a8/ChloeLostLegacy.jpg/revision/latest?cb=20170403204443
Origin: Uncharted
Nominator: Bane_of_Despair
Looks: 44
Personality: 34
Projected Wife Capacity: 11
Overall Score: 29.7

I’ve never played Uncharted. To me it’s always been the Indiana Jones video game knockoff series. Maybe I’m wrong about that, but what I’m not wrong about is that Indiana Jones has hotter chicks in it.

I can intuit from the article that Chloe is supposed to be knock-your-socks-off gorgeous, but she’s really not. Maybe it’s the in-game art, maybe it’s her super deep laugh lines, maybe it’s her weird lips, but Chloe’s face doesn’t come together for me at all. I’ll admit she has very nice hair and eyebrows, but that’s about all she has going for her. You’ll probably notice, though, that her relatively higher looks ranking than what came before her. At least she is an adult human female under the age of fifty, which none of the waifus so far have been (Madotsuki possibly expected).

Personality-wise, she’s a ‘survivor’ who is ‘frivolous with human life that is not her own.’ She’s willing to risk things for people she does care about, but otherwise will just walk away and not help people. No thanks! At least she’s witty and intelligent, so I still gave her some points.

As for her PWC, it’s obvious that she’s going to spend all of her time on crazy adventures. Unless you’re also an adventurer, there’s no way you’re going to see her for longer than a day or two between shenanigans. Add to that that she might just up and die during all of this and she’s clearly just not for me.

Sorry, Chloe. I actually thought you were from Fraiser the show because Bane didn’t put your series after your name.
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Oh wow, I kind of assumed most people had played Uncharted series. That's unfortunate.
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I prefer Elena, but I'm surprised to see Chloe this low. Also, how is Pulaski still in this?

Bane_Of_Despair posted...

Oh wow, I kind of assumed most people had played Uncharted series. That's unfortunate.

Maybe most people have, but I'm not one of them! I do intend to play it at some point, a youtuber I like recommended it.

Jesse_Custer posted...

I prefer Elena, but I'm surprised to see Chloe this low. Also, how is Pulaski still in this?

Elena is also on this list, don't worry. Pulaski will have an explanation when we get to her.
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Anagram posted...

Sorry, Chloe. I actually thought you were from Fraiser the show

what
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LeonhartFour posted...

Anagram posted...

Sorry, Chloe. I actually thought you were from Fraiser the show

what

Frazer

I didn't know how the show name was spelled so I figured she'd be related to the main character. I've never actually seen Fraiser.
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yes it's clear by the fact that you still can't spell it right
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I loved the episode of Frasier where he battled Lazarevic.

how is chloe this low
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he got Chloe confused with Roz
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Wow, a legitimate non-joke female is lower than like 5 other traps. 'lol'
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I haven't looked at the nomination list, but that strikes me as an odd choice for lowest ranked serious entrant
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I mean, my nomination was serious. I just didn't realize anagram was only capable of doing 3 seconds of research on each character.
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You killed a Claudia Black and left Pulaski

I I I I I I I I I I I I'm really WHAT
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MariaTaylor posted...

I mean, my nomination was serious. I just didn't realize anagram was only capable of doing 3 seconds of research on each character.

Should've nominated 2hu
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nah I would've just not nominated

normally I only nominate for things if I think they will be done well
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Maria if you're gonna go on about it the entire ranking why did you ask about people making it a bigger deal than you and why people care so much
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WhiteLens posted...

Wow, a legitimate non-joke female is lower than like 5 other traps. 'lol'

Maybe Anagram actually got trapped
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I was prepared to drop it, but that 'possibly' comment tells me everything I need to know

1. this guy is so arrogant he actually believes that his 3 second assumption could possibly be correct, and that somehow the person who actually nominated the character doesn't know what they are talking about

2. his half assed and fake apology was half assed and fake. I actually went back and looked right now and there's a big "IF" standing out. surprised I missed it before. even back then at the time this guy was somehow still afraid to just admit that he was wrong.

I guess normally I'm not used to someone who would resort to weasly double-speak just to avoid saying they were wrong over something so minor, but I guess this is the level of arrogance we are dealing with

p.s. no matter how much you white knight anagram he will probably still never have sex with you, so keep that in mind
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and for the record receiving a weasly, cowardly FAKE apology is 100x worse than if he had just never apologized in the first place
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Well alright then, I guess that's all I need to see
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WhiteLens posted...

Wow, a legitimate non-joke female is lower than like 5 other traps. 'lol'

I was actually surprised at a lot of the rankings I ended up giving some of the waifus, but I decided fair's fair and that I wouldn't mess with the individual scoring system to change their overall scores.

Jeff Zero posted...

You killed a Claudia Black and left Pulaski

I I I I I I I I I I I I'm really WHAT

I didn't know she was voiced by Claudia Black, but it doesn't really change anything.
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Well, you recognized her great eyebrows so I can forgive you this time
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Anyway, Anagram is my friend but you're my friend too Maria so if you would please pretend I'm an easily-influenced youngster or something or whatever it takes to stop saying mean things about my friend then I'd really, really, really appreciate it and I'll draw you a picture
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Jeff Zero posted...

Anyway, Anagram is my friend but you're my friend too Maria so if you would please pretend I'm an easily-influenced youngster or something or whatever it takes to stop saying mean things about my friend then I'd really, really, really appreciate it and I'll draw you a picture

I'm not gonna post in this topic anymore but when someone lies to me that is something I never forget.
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Hooooollllyyyyyyy shit this is over a waifu ranking
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138. Marisa Kirasame
https://en.touhouwiki.net/images/4/43/Th145Marisa2.png
Origin: Touhou
Nominator: trdl23
Looks: 33
Personality: 28
Projected Wife Capacity: 41
Overall Score: 34

I expect this low ranking to surprise a few people, but there are some reasons for it. If you don’t know, Marisa is from Touhou, a series I remember for two reasons: giant silly hats and completely destroying the Most Powerful Fictional Character contest from years ago.

Marisa has probably one of the strongest outfits of any waifu on this list. A French Maid-meets-Witch outfit with a giant silly hat? I’m completely on-board with this, even with the super high-rolled up socks and boots. Even her hair is really solid, I have a thing for blond hair. The problem is 100% with her age. I can imagine this character being super attractive as a grown-up, but she’s not. I wasn’t able to find her exact age on the Touhou Wiki, it looks like there’s conflicting stuff on that, but at the very least she definitely looks like a child.

Her low score in personality is a result of two things, neither of which is completely damning by itself. The first is her general personality: straightforward, informal, condescending, tries to make fools of others, little sympathy. I can see a waifu like this being at least a little bit charming, even if I’m not confident it would happen. I can see a decent score for such a waifu. But then you find the other, almost off-handed aspect of her personality mentioned in this Wiki: “collects things and may have a hoarding disorder.” Nope! My dad is like that. He saves tax returns from the 1930s just in case they’ll one day be useful. He owns multiple public storage units to store endless boxes of useless trash and puts more endless boxes all over his house, I cannot be around a second person like that.

As for her PWC, Marisa scores a few points early on for having a job, but quickly loses them for improperly running her store. Unlike with all of the lower-ranking waifus, I can at least imagine having a good time with her (ignoring the child status), so her PWC didn’t get tanked.
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And I know it doesn't matter at this point, but the "possibly" was meant mostly as a joke, not a serious thing.
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None of this changes the fact that two living corpses are better waifus than Maria's nom.
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Two living corpses and an old woman who has the personality of Satan
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Anagram didn't even mention the kleptomania.

That's, like, Marisa's defining trait!

(Also if you go by official art 2hus are going to get rekt in this thing. I'm just here for the writeups though!)
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trdl23 posted...

Anagram didn't even mention the kleptomania.

That's, like, Marisa's defining trait!

(Also if you go by official art 2hus are going to get rekt in this thing. I'm just here for the writeups though!)

Argh, I did see the kleptomania and it did affect the personality score, I just forgot to include it in the write up. My own fault for not taking a minute to edit things after finishing.
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