Board 8 > So my relationship is over...

(+) Yeah! (+)

Thinking about moving South. Selling everything and going to North Carolina. How difficult would this be?

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what happened?

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Sucks for the kid but tbh that relationship sounded really toxic

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She apparently paid first month rent and a security deposit for a new place to move may 1st.

She was upset that she screamed for me to help with her son who wouldn't give her his phone when he was grounded. So I went up and he refused and got real shitty. Tried saying it was against the law to take his phone and he would call the cops. Was laying on top of his phone to prevent it being taken. So I stood him up and grabbed his phone he was laying on and told him if he didn't like the rules he needed to leave the house. He had a panic attack because we took his phone because he has naughty stuff on it. And, this spurred her to move out I guess.

I dunno. I did what she asked me to do, but apparently it was wrong. Even though everyone else involved was perfectly fine the next morning, and he apologized for what he did and agreed he was wrong. *Shrug*.

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Maybe she doesn't want a robot who just follows her orders.

But what would be difficult about moving a few states over? People do it all the time

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Oh, I thought you had kids of your own. The kids you've mentioned here before are your ex's?

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so.... she broke up with you for actually having discipline on by taking the phone away of a child who was grounded?
of all the things to break up over, especially over the past year, that was it?

she's a true, honest to god mystery.


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CaptainOfCrush posted...

Oh, I thought you had kids of your own. The kids you've mentioned here before are your ex's?

We have one together.

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Wanglicious posted...

so.... she broke up with you for actually having discipline on by taking the phone away of a child who was grounded?
of all the things to break up over, especially over the past year, that was it?

she's a true, honest to god mystery.

My whole relationship I always felt she had one foot at the door / a knife to my back the whole time. That's why people above said it seemed so toxic. But, it is what it is.

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foolm0r0n posted...

Maybe she doesn't want a robot who just follows her orders.

But what would be difficult about moving a few states over? People do it all the time

There is a lot of costs involved. Housing market is insane now. Wanna know what I am looking at. Obviously hoping to net a profit on my house and probably having to cash my 401k in, but seeing if anyone had insight on it.

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I am very happy for you long term.

Come to Georgia we can be pokemon masters together.

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DoomTheGyarados posted...

I am very happy for you long term.

Come to Georgia we can be pokemon masters together.

Lol. Pokemon masters. Haha.

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hey don't laugh I've made like 10k today...!

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DoomTheGyarados posted...

hey don't laugh I've made like 10k today...!

Shit blows my mind. My cousin makes so much selling his old pokemon cards.

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my thyroid acting up and me being unable to work a traditional job for the better part of a year was the best thing that ever happened to me

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You can get money from the house and then rent for a while until you figure things out. Especially if you are moving to a new state, just renting for a while makes a lot of sense.

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Renting is throwing money away. Especially with a likely child support payment crushing me right away. I don't think I could get out of the ditch of renting once it is started.

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I was years ahead on my mortgage now. I think I have like 40k in equity atm. I dunno what I can net on my house selling, because my kid did a little of damage when he was a baby. I need to fix the fence, pressure wash. My father fucked my kitchen floor up. I mean, if I could net 40k profit. That would pay the brand new suv I bought for my fiancee off at least. Then leave me like 8k. I could cash my 401k on, which would get me like 40k. That's enough for a down payment at least I guess. I just am worried the housing market down there might fuck me hard.

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housing market isnt bad depending on how flexible you are. We just moved in late january and got a fantastic place for what we consider to be reasonable, but I don't know what your price range is

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Corrik7 posted...

I was years ahead on my mortgage now. I think I have like 40k in equity atm. I dunno what I can net on my house selling, because my kid did a little of damage when he was a baby. I need to fix the fence, pressure wash. My father fucked my kitchen floor up. I mean, if I could net 40k profit. That would pay the brand new suv I bought for my fiancee off at least. Then leave me like 8k. I could cash my 401k on, which would get me like 40k. That's enough for a down payment at least I guess. I just am worried the housing market down there might fuck me hard.

Yowch to all of this. Best of luck dude.

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DoomTheGyarados posted...

housing market isnt bad depending on how flexible you are. We just moved in late january and got a fantastic place for what we consider to be reasonable, but I don't know what your price range is

The one good thing is my credit is damn near perfect.

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Corrik7 posted...

That would pay the brand new suv I bought for my fiancee off at least.

Holy crap Corrik.

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Damn bro that sucks. Hope you find this an opportunity for something better

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pjbasis posted...

Damn bro that sucks. Hope you find this an opportunity for something better

Idk, man. I am the kind of person who sees good in everyone. Will forgive anyone who has the volition to apologize when they screw up. I will never ever dump someone. I will make it work because I see good in them. Now I just feel like no one can be trusted.

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MZero posted...

Sucks for the kid but tbh that relationship sounded really toxic

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Thanks for the support

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Why do you want to move to NC? Do you have a good job offer out there? You said she moved out so can't you stay in your house?

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MZero posted...

Why do you want to move to NC? Do you have a good job offer out there? You said she moved out so can't you stay in your house?

I don't want to be around her, personally. I love north Carolina. Was born there. I would love to move there. I probably can't afford my house payment with her child support claim coming

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Youre better off, dude. Hoping for the best

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Corrik7 posted...

Renting is throwing money away. Especially with a likely child support payment crushing me right away. I don't think I could get out of the ditch of renting once it is started.

This is such a misconception. Renting is perfectly fine for most people, and can be way more cost effective, especially when you're just moving like this without a long term goal. Buying when you don't know for sure if you're going to stay at the new place is pretty stupid, since most experts will tell you that you need to stay at a place for at least 5 years if you're going to buy. There's also the fact that most home owners spend an average of 30k on repairs in the first 2 or 3 years of home ownership, and most of the time, equity in a home really only matches inflation or even less. The idea that renting is throwing money away is really stupid, and even the most right winged economists like Dave Ramsey will tell you that renting is ok in most cases.
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Corrik7 posted...

I don't want to be around her, personally. I love north Carolina. Was born there. I would love to move there. I probably can't afford my house payment with her child support claim coming

Fair enough. Do you have family out there? That would help a lot. You should find a job before you go though imo

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Have you looked into PA's divorce settlement laws and child support guidelines?

I assume you are going for 50/50 custody?

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Damn, sorry to hear that Corrik. Hope everything works out for you.

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Sorry to hear that, but I'm confident it'll be better for you in the long run.

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(I can tell you about my experience with divorce/custody but want to know where you stand)

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Corrik7 posted...

There is a lot of costs involved. Housing market is insane now. Wanna know what I am looking at. Obviously hoping to net a profit on my house and probably having to cash my 401k in, but seeing if anyone had insight on it.

Oh if you're buying a house it's insane yeah. Renting prices have gone down in some places though due to lack of demand.

I just bought a house this past month, and I had offers that went 30% over asking get rejected. But that was because others would come in with full cash offers. If you're selling your old house you'll be able to do full cash and find a house fairly easily.

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I also have a kid with my ex wife, and my heart completely goes out to you. Getting divorced made my life so much better in the long term.

Let me know if you want to talk

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Sorry you went through all this, chief. Best of luck with the new plans. Do you have your eye on any particular spots in NC? I think it's a nice state as a whole, but I emphatically recommend Raleigh-Durham in particular.

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I just bought my first home in Cary, NC few weeks ago, we close on the 7th next month. So I can give you a lot of input. The housing market here is pretty competitive, we bid $20k over asking price and waived right to repair to get our offer accepted. Apparently there were people who bid higher still but they went with us because they knew our realtors boss or something, so we lucked out. But if you want to purchase in RDU and don't want to deal with all that then you'll want to look a bit south towards the Holly Springs/New Hill area. You might be able to get a better deal within Durham proper but it probably won't be something you actually want to live in.

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Friends of mine bought a home in Charlotte 2-3 years ago, and I was amazed at all the home/land they got for the money, though based on these stories, maybe things have gotten a lot hotter and more competitive since then.

Oh well, at least you're not restricted to the Los Angeles housing market like my brother.

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My realtor said that RDU is the worst for a buyer in the state right now, but she is a realtor in this area after all so maybe she's a little biased. Charlotte is 3 hours from here so I don't know as much about it

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I prefer the Chapel Hill area, or south of it. I have some family that lives in Greensboro. We aren't married.

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Carrboro is a nice place to live if you want to be closer to Greensboro and Chapel Hill. But I don't know much about the housing market there

If you wanted to be a lot closer to Greensboro, I've heard burlington is very tough to get a house in right now so good luck

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I was born in Concord, a small-medium sized town northeast of Charlotte. Haven't been there in a while, but I hear it's expanding/growing.

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Chris how much did you pay for a house in Georgia?

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I guess the north Carolina housing market is busted. My aunt said there is a housing shortage there and her house has increased almost 40% since she bought it already. So yeah, that isn't looking very viable anymore.

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I mean, from the horror stories I've read in r/realestate, I would say that North Carolina isn't as bad as some of the other markets. If you're looking to get a house in a growing market I would guess that NC might be one of the most affordable places you could move. And if you don't care about growing markets and want a house anywhere, then theres plenty of rural areas in NC where land is relatively cheap.

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Maybe not what you want to hear but thank goodness that's done. Reading about your interactions with her was painful and while it may not be ideal for the kid unhealthy relationships between parents aren't either so you weren't in a great spot there regardless.

Wish you the best.

Also agree with the sentiment that you shouldn't feel pressure to buy a house right now. Renting is far more cost effective in locations you're not sure on the long term prospects for

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