Board 8 > Anagram Ranks 145 Waifus: The Top 22

(+) Yeah! (+)

Anagram posted...

I was surprised at how many people werent sure who the next up clue referred to, because I was afraid it was too obvious.

I haven't played Xenoblade.

Ironic considering my backing it is arguably what led to winning GotD2. (That and the fact that I don't enjoy BotW or Witcher 3.)

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Anagram posted...

Leonhart said earlier that Melia is a better waifu than Fiora, and hes right. This is another lol categories situation. If Xenoblade had an option for who to go on a date with to the Gold Saucer, and your options were Melia, Fiora, Sharla, and Dunban, Im going with Melia every time. Unlike Shulk, Cloud actually ends up with the correct girl, so thats one advantage for him. Im actually shocked that both Xenoblade girls made it into the top ten. I can tell you for sure that Sharla would not have.

Your categories need adjusting if they lead you to a Fiora > Melia result. List is trash

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_stingers_ posted...

that second picture cracked me up, thank you

Melia is so memeable, it's great.

colliding posted...

Your categories need adjusting if they lead you to a Fiora > Melia result. List is trash

They probably do lol

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Post more of your Melia images imo
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Mac Arrowny posted...

Post more of your Melia images imo

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Mac Arrowny posted...

Post more of your Melia images imo

Sure.





And here's a webm GameFAQs won't let me upload directly:
https://streamable.com/435kw5

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Anagram posted...

So, I was surprised at how many people werent sure who the next up clue referred to, because I was afraid it was too obvious.

I'm not even sure she's the waifu who suffers the most out of everyone left. Zelda has a pretty strong case too, and that's not even taking into account what might happen to her in BOTW2.

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Updated list since the last one was two pages and almost a month in time ago:
Claire Redfield (Resident Evil)
Fiora (Xenoblade)
Kaede Akamatasu (Danganronpa)
Palutena (Kid Icarus)
Sonia Nevermind (Danganronpa)
Zelda (Legend of Zelda)

I know little enough about Claire, Fiora, or Palutena to say what spinning might entail for them, and Zelda's supposed to be specifically the BotW variant, so I can only really claim to know the two Danganronpa waifus, but if spin is meant not to rotate but rather to try to control the narrative, that would likely be Kaede.

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I'm going with Zelda for her neutral B in smash

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Palutena Taunt is also a spin

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My first thought was Fiora using Screw Edge, but then I remembered it's actually Rex using it in Xenoblade 2 where it was game-breaking. So I'll go with Kaede because azuarc's explanation seems like the kind of misdirection Anagram would try.

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An underclassman of mine just played and finished chapter 1 of DRV3 and he was pissed and in denial.

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I want to respond, but this isn't the spoilers topic.

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6. Palutena

Series: Kid Icarus
Nominator: TheArkofTurus (0/4 remaining)
Personal Familiarity: Yes
Attractiveness: 94 (3/145 tie)
Personality: 86 (5/145)
Girlfriendness: 65 (49/145 tie)
Overall Waifu Score: 81.7
Hair: Green (0/7 remaining)
Eyes: Green (3/22 remaining)
Race: White (3/61 remaining)
Age: 20-29 (1/59 remaining)
Medium: Video Game (5/85 remaining)

Fun fact: Palutena sat at #1 on the list for about half the time this topic has existed. It wasnt until we got the literal princess portion of the list that I realized that Palutena was guilty of every problem the princesses had, but much, much worse. I said before that I think the ideal relationship wont have too much of a difference between the level of power and importance between each partner, which is why I docked points for a lot of princesses. Whats about princess? Queen. Whats above queen? I really cannot imagine any waifu more powerful, in every meaning of the word, than Palu I am a literal goddess Tena. The only thing she cant do is force Nintendo to translate her name properly into Japanese and then back into English. Shes supposed to be Athena. I told people that in Discord and they were like ohhhhh yeah okay that makes sense.

Little aside, though: Palutena is lucky that shes not Athena. Athena is the best or second best of the Greek gods (her only real competition is Dionysus dont start, Hades apologists), but shes still a huge piece of garbage. For every whoops I accidentally blinded a mortal, Ill give him magic powers as an apology story, she has a how dare you get raped in my temple, Ill turn you into a snake-haired lady story. Ill admit that the Arachne story is borderline for Athenas morality, though. Point is, Athena as a waifu would be way down there. I do not want to have to worry about offending my waifu and being turned into a monster or getting raped by Poseidon or something. Also, how do you think those gene tests would react to someone who jumped out of Zeus head? Does she just register as another Zeus? I have no idea.

By the way, yes, the hint was about Palutena spinning for her Smash taunt. I guess I thought that pole dance meme was more popular than it really was, I figured the only other possible spinning waifu was Fiora. My original hint was going to be a waifu with something in common with Red Bull, because she gives Pit wings, but I figured that was way too obvious.

This also almost goes without saying, but Im obviously using the Kid Icarus Uprising version of Palutena here. No one remembers the original version. By the way, the original Kid Icarus is one of the few games I ever emulated, got the second screen of, and then just went screw it. Vertical 2D platforming is something that basically never works. I cant think of a single good instance of it, and I can think of three. Kid Icarus, Flash Mans stage, and that one SMW level where you use the P-balloon. Apparently, there was also a second Kid Icarus game where she has black hair? Im going to call that as Palutenas brief goth phase.

So, lets start with the good. Palutenas obviously the prettiest of the waifus remaining. I ranked as number 3 overall, but shes not far from the two I put above her. I really like the modernized toga-dress thing she has going on, even if I dont understand why she has one leg in stockings and the other leg not. But, yeesh, socks with sandals is a big fashion faux pas, even I know that. She wears a ton of jewelry, though. That thing around her neck looks like it weighs a couple of pounds just on its own. I tried to look up if that necklace thing had any meaning, since it sort of looks like the sun, but the Wiki just describes it as a necklace, so I guess not. Im sure in real life that Palutenas mountain of fancy gold jewelry would jangle around and be super annoying all the time, but if were just judging her by her looks? Like, if in our minds, waifus are just perfect pure vessels of waifuness that are in ideal circumstances at all times, such as not being in a windy location despite living in the clouds where theres wind all the time? Its a really strong aesthetic for a waifu. And hell, we know from the Smash 4 trailer that she likes pushing out her butt, they made an entire anime cutscene where shes literally introduced pushing out her butt. God, remember when her Smash costume showing part of her thigh was a big deal?

You know, I planned to make some jokes about Palutenas Smash moveset being used in normal life, and how her magic powers would make for great waifuing, but honestly, Im struggling here. I guess Warp is kind of nice, probably makes it easy to move around when the floor is still wet or something, but this isnt even worth one point. The best option might be Lightweight, because then I can pick her up and pretend to be much stronger than I really am, but she lost all the custom moves in Ultimate, so I guess not. She cant even give me flying powers because thats specific to angels. Even worldwide telepathy isnt a big deal in a universe with cellphones. I guess she can walk out of giant glowing golden doors whenever she wants, which means its not a big deal if she loses a housekey? Im actually shocked here. Palutena has probably the most and the craziest magic powers of anyone on the list outside of Yuki Nagato and maybe Rosalina, and yet theyre incredibly weak for waifu purposes.


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Whats really buoying Palutena up to near the top of the list, though, is the way shes written in Uprising. And those Smash codecs, I guess. In the original, Palutena is a complete noncharacter. Now, though? She jokes around, has fun, teases people, shows off her intelligence (not that she has much competition in her game for smartest character), and is just a really cool, pleasant person. I can imagine her personality not gelling for everyone, like not everyone is going to be as much a fan of 1980s video game references and stupid jokes as I am, but its my waifu list, so Palutena scores a lot of possibly unfair points based on the strength of her writing in 1/3rd of her appearances. Although I suspect this wont be a problem for anyone reading this. I suspect lol Im an omnipotent anime goddess who likes video games and ironic humor is probably well within Board 8s waifu demographics. I guess I just foresee zero like compatibility problems with Palutena as a person, which combined with her beauty rockets her up to the top ten.

What keeps her out of the top five, though, is obvious. Shes the only waifu left with a sub-70 score, and its because she is indeed an omnipotent super goddess worshipped by all the mortals everywhere. First of all, Im an edgy atheist who snuck out of synagogue literally every single time I could get away with it and got into trouble a lot with the rabbis and Hebrew school teachers, so right away Im going to encounter some problems here. And then you have the fact that Palutena gets kidnapped a lot. I dont know, she gets kidnapped at least twice, I assume shes kidnapped in the second game as well, but I never played it, correct me if Im wrong here. And Im counting mind controlled by aliens into shooting lasers at you as a kidnapping, sue me.

But even ignoring that, Palutena has basically all of the problems you could possibly have as a princess, but ratcheted up to the maximum possible, because she has one of the few jobs that ranks above princess. I guess from the perspective of Palutena, you are purely a trophy boyfriend. Is that okay with you? Then youll probably rank her Girlfriendness above a 65. Palutenas army is super unimpressive aside from Pit, but she still has an army and an entire floating kingdom or whatever. Im probably underranking her because Im not considering what its like to be, like, I dont know, Prince Phillip. Its probably really nice. Is Prince Phillip really the closest analogy I can come up with? Goddamn. Imagine having a waifu who has the maximum possible amount of power in literally every way, be it magic power, religious power, political power, etc. That's Palutena.

Anyway, we have three pages of Palutena analysis here, so Im going to stop. What we have here is a classic anime waifu designed to appeal to nerds, which is fine, combined with what if your girlfriend was not only omnipotent, but also the single most famous and recognizable person in the universe? And Ill just admit to you straight-up that the first part of that sentence makes a much stronger waifu case than the second.

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Next Up: A waifu who's not the best friend

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We're finally in the endgame here. The surviving waifus include an anti-bioterrorism activist, a random girl of no importance, a really good pianist, and two princesses. Of note: four of them are blonde, can you guess my favorite waifu hair color?

The Top Five
Claire Redfield
Fiora
Kaede Akamatasu
Sonia Nevermind
Zelda

The Waifus So Far
https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/19dm1bshy_1BMGiAgisHuuEjYupRxlf2jLu7AJtWAgmI/edit?usp=sharing

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Anagram posted...

can you guess my favorite waifu hair color?

Auburn of course

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Have all the categories had their #1 revealed? I haven't been paying that close attention to those

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Also blonde hair is the best hair, good man

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Dionysus, really? I'm not giving any props to a cult leader god of insanity, no thanks.

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To be perfectly honest I actually think blonde is the best too.

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Brunette forever

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Snake5555555555 posted...

Auburn of course

Auburn waifus wish.

_stingers_ posted...

Have all the categories had their #1 revealed? I haven't been paying that close attention to those

Christie Monteiro is #1 for attractiveness, Tae Takemi and and Chiaki Nanami are tied at #1 for girlfriendness, #1 personality is yet to be revealed.

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Well it's definitely not Fiora since she's a husband stealing whore

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Makise Kurisu is a top tier waifu so auburn hair fans are right in that case (her hair is closer to auburn in the actual Steins;Gate game than the blood red it is in the anime)

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Sceptilesolar posted...

Dionysus, really? I'm not giving any props to a cult leader god of insanity, no thanks.

I didn't say he's good, just that he's the second best. He wins points for not being a horrible rapist and murderer.

_stingers_ posted...

Also blonde hair is the best hair, good man

Snake5555555555 posted...

To be perfectly honest I actually think blonde is the best too.

Men of culture.

Leonhart4 posted...

Brunette forever

Brown hair, really? That has to be the least common favorite.

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Brunettes tend to be the best combo of looks and actual personality since their hair color isn't fetishized...!

Also almost every girl I ever dated has been a brunette, including my wife

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My wife was a brunette when we met...but blonde hair is the best so you know how it is

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Brunettes and black hair for me.

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Anagram posted...

And then you have the fact that Palutena gets kidnapped a lot. I dont know, she gets kidnapped at least twice, I assume shes kidnapped in the second game as well, but I never played it, correct me if Im wrong here.

She is, but only for the final stage of the game.

Anyway, if you didn't like the vertical platforming in the original Kid Icarus, I'd still recommend trying the second one. It improved those stages a lot (no death falls, less annoying snakes) and was a pretty fun game overall, I think.

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I know it's the most common hair color for every other ethnicity, but naturally black hair on a white girl tends to be sexy AF. (Not that I'm limiting myself to Caucasians.)

Other colors can be amazing as well. It really depends on the rest of the person's coloring and features.

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As a blond I will take any other color.

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Not nearly enough red hair appreciation here tbh.

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redheads ftw

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DanKirby posted...

She is, but only for the final stage of the game.

That still counts!

DanKirby posted...

She is, but only for the final stage of the game.

Anyway, if you didn't like the vertical platforming in the original Kid Icarus, I'd still recommend trying the second one. It improved those stages a lot (no death falls, less annoying snakes) and was a pretty fun game overall, I think.

My backlog is full enough as it is without adding games from the 80s to it, but I'll consider it.

NBIceman posted...

Not nearly enough red hair appreciation here tbh.

Accel_R8 posted...

redheads ftw

I'd call red as a solid #2.

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Palutena was my Smash main for a while

Spamming her You shall be purified! taunt is very fun

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Zss "You're mine" is my favorite taunt to spam

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I wanted to main Palutena, but I'm honestly just not very good at Smash. My best was back in Melee with Captain Falcon, where I was pretty good, but since then my skills have only degenerated.

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No one talking about green hair greatness even though the last waifu had green hair ;_;
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I was limiting myself to real hair colors, although I would still place blonde above any fake ones.

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Yeah green hair isn't real lol

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_stingers_ posted...

Yeah green hair isn't real lol

A ton of the waifus in this topic have hair colors that aren't real.
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Blue hair > green hair

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Yeah I mean I get that but the point of the conversation was just ppls hair color preference and noones gonna have a preference for a color that isn't real

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Bump.

Xenoblade Chronicles spoilers

5. Fiora

Series: Xenoblade
Nominator: Cody1153 (0/4 remaining)
Personal Familiarity: Yes
Attractiveness: 88 (11/145)
Personality: 80 (9/145 tie)
Girlfriendness: 80 (12/145 tie)
Overall Waifu Score: 82.6
Hair: Blonde (3/57 remaining)
Eyes: Green (2/22 remaining)
Race: White (2/61 remaining)
Age: 15-19 (3/62 remaining)
Medium: Video Game (4/85 remaining)

This may be a controversial decision, but I folded voice attractiveness into the general attractiveness rating. And Ill just say now that Fiora has the best voice of anyone on the list. I dont know what it is about her borderline Cockney accent, thats not an accent I would ever describe as especially sexy, but theres something to her that really works for me. I think its the same thing as Aerie from Baldurs Gate II, where the VA knocks it out of the park on the innocent, gentle girl voice. Except with Fiora, she also has cute mannerisms that are visible in her movements, whereas Aerie is a sprite so tiny that you can barely see her walk cycle.

I guess I should mention that for Fiora, Im assuming this is her human form and not her robot form. Everyone is free to complain about my rampant robophobia, but Im calling it here: normal human ladies are sexier than robots with a human head attached. Although, hell, even in her human form, her hair is like shoulder-length, whereas her robot form hair is only down to about her chin. My point here is that human Fiora > robot Fiora. I also really enjoy how of the three humans we see turned into robots, the other two get turned into hideous monsters, while Fioras head is the same except for a haircut. Also, gotta say, Fioras got a great I-dont-know-what-thing-is-called-that-covers-her-chest. According to the Wiki, its a bralette, which Im pretty sure is wrong. Do they not want to just say that Fiora is just wearing a fancy bra instead of a shirt? Because this isnt even in the top ten dumbest anime girl clothing Ive seen. I already talked about Alice from Zero Escape, right?

If were being really honest here, Fiora might be the flattest waifu left? She doesnt have a ton to her as a character, both compared to the other party members in her game, but also the other waifus on the list. Half of her character isnt even really her, its a weird ghost that possesses her. But thats not really a detriment if youre talking solely about the context of a dorky waifu ranking topic, so I mainly brought this up to laugh at Melia some more. Its shocking how Fiora is presented as the kindest, brightest girl ever, but is just completely unable to see that Melia is also pining for Shulk. Like, its funny when Shulk just doesnt notice the beautiful, intelligent princess has the hots for him, but Fiora is outside of that equation and has no idea. I guess this indicates that shes kind of oblivious or dumb, and her optional conversations with other party members sort of bores that out. Sharla is like dude Shulk has really changed after you came back to life and Fiora is like really? I thought he was the same, and its like Fiora, how would you know what Shulk was like when you were dead?

I guess what it comes down to with Fiora is that unlike a lot of waifus who have tortured pasts or really complex goals or whatever, shes pretty simple in what she is and what she wants. Even when the world is exploding around her and an insane guy is screaming about becoming a god and all of those JRPG climax things are happening, and Fiora herself is a key part of that and intimately involved in whats going on, her actual character and opinions are very straightforward. I know she worries about being a robot and running out of power and dying, or outliving all of her friends, but its all very abstract. Shes never like I need to end things with Shulk so he isnt hurt, shes only I dont want to bring up my concerns while were on a crazy adventure to save the world. Its kind of interesting, too, because the stuff that happens to her you would assume might change her, but shes still basically the same sweet girl at the end. And thats not bad! Like, Fioras overwhelmingly kind nature basically resolves any question of like compatibility with her.

And as for her Girlfriendness, Ill admit that I may have overranked Fiora here, but Im standing by it regardless. Sure, Im extremely hazy about what her job qualifications are, I dont think you can list ex-robot on a resume, but that aside, we know shes a killer cook, we know she knows how to take of injured people, and we know that she really loves spinning knives around after every battle. All of these are good things. Dunban is also one of the less stupid party members, so hes probably a cool brother-in-law. I guess Im expected to go on a crazy revenge mission if shes murdered, though, which is a serious downside.

Look, Im going to sum it up like this: Fiora is the ultimate simple village maiden + childhood friend waifu. You might be thinking that Im doing her a small disservice by calling her that, but its not really an insult, nor is it inaccurate. I just think shes done about as well as you can possibly do such a concept, but I also think that such a concept has a lower ceiling on waifu quality than certain other concepts. Does that make sense?

On an unrelated note, Ive never played the other Xenoblade games. They looked way worse than Chronicles. Am I wrong for thinking that? I just took one look at Chronicles X and thought it looked horrible, and Chronicles 2 and its sword girls and catgirls (one of whom is also a sword girl?) seemed like a parody of anime concepts.

Lastly, I couldn't figure out how to include this image in the write-up, so I'll just awkwardly include it here at the end.


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Next Up: A waifu who spends a long time thinking about a boy

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X is the best and the main character has the same VA as Fiora.
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Anagram posted...

On an unrelated note, Ive never played the other Xenoblade games. They looked way worse than Chronicles. Am I wrong for thinking that?

yes

X and 2's DLC Story (Torna) are way better than Xenoblade 1 (imo).

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