LogFAQs > #956074679

6. Palutena

Series: Kid Icarus
Nominator: TheArkofTurus (0/4 remaining)
Personal Familiarity: Yes
Attractiveness: 94 (3/145 tie)
Personality: 86 (5/145)
Girlfriendness: 65 (49/145 tie)
Overall Waifu Score: 81.7
Hair: Green (0/7 remaining)
Eyes: Green (3/22 remaining)
Race: White (3/61 remaining)
Age: 20-29 (1/59 remaining)
Medium: Video Game (5/85 remaining)

Fun fact: Palutena sat at #1 on the list for about half the time this topic has existed. It wasnt until we got the literal princess portion of the list that I realized that Palutena was guilty of every problem the princesses had, but much, much worse. I said before that I think the ideal relationship wont have too much of a difference between the level of power and importance between each partner, which is why I docked points for a lot of princesses. Whats about princess? Queen. Whats above queen? I really cannot imagine any waifu more powerful, in every meaning of the word, than Palu I am a literal goddess Tena. The only thing she cant do is force Nintendo to translate her name properly into Japanese and then back into English. Shes supposed to be Athena. I told people that in Discord and they were like ohhhhh yeah okay that makes sense.

Little aside, though: Palutena is lucky that shes not Athena. Athena is the best or second best of the Greek gods (her only real competition is Dionysus dont start, Hades apologists), but shes still a huge piece of garbage. For every whoops I accidentally blinded a mortal, Ill give him magic powers as an apology story, she has a how dare you get raped in my temple, Ill turn you into a snake-haired lady story. Ill admit that the Arachne story is borderline for Athenas morality, though. Point is, Athena as a waifu would be way down there. I do not want to have to worry about offending my waifu and being turned into a monster or getting raped by Poseidon or something. Also, how do you think those gene tests would react to someone who jumped out of Zeus head? Does she just register as another Zeus? I have no idea.

By the way, yes, the hint was about Palutena spinning for her Smash taunt. I guess I thought that pole dance meme was more popular than it really was, I figured the only other possible spinning waifu was Fiora. My original hint was going to be a waifu with something in common with Red Bull, because she gives Pit wings, but I figured that was way too obvious.

This also almost goes without saying, but Im obviously using the Kid Icarus Uprising version of Palutena here. No one remembers the original version. By the way, the original Kid Icarus is one of the few games I ever emulated, got the second screen of, and then just went screw it. Vertical 2D platforming is something that basically never works. I cant think of a single good instance of it, and I can think of three. Kid Icarus, Flash Mans stage, and that one SMW level where you use the P-balloon. Apparently, there was also a second Kid Icarus game where she has black hair? Im going to call that as Palutenas brief goth phase.

So, lets start with the good. Palutenas obviously the prettiest of the waifus remaining. I ranked as number 3 overall, but shes not far from the two I put above her. I really like the modernized toga-dress thing she has going on, even if I dont understand why she has one leg in stockings and the other leg not. But, yeesh, socks with sandals is a big fashion faux pas, even I know that. She wears a ton of jewelry, though. That thing around her neck looks like it weighs a couple of pounds just on its own. I tried to look up if that necklace thing had any meaning, since it sort of looks like the sun, but the Wiki just describes it as a necklace, so I guess not. Im sure in real life that Palutenas mountain of fancy gold jewelry would jangle around and be super annoying all the time, but if were just judging her by her looks? Like, if in our minds, waifus are just perfect pure vessels of waifuness that are in ideal circumstances at all times, such as not being in a windy location despite living in the clouds where theres wind all the time? Its a really strong aesthetic for a waifu. And hell, we know from the Smash 4 trailer that she likes pushing out her butt, they made an entire anime cutscene where shes literally introduced pushing out her butt. God, remember when her Smash costume showing part of her thigh was a big deal?

You know, I planned to make some jokes about Palutenas Smash moveset being used in normal life, and how her magic powers would make for great waifuing, but honestly, Im struggling here. I guess Warp is kind of nice, probably makes it easy to move around when the floor is still wet or something, but this isnt even worth one point. The best option might be Lightweight, because then I can pick her up and pretend to be much stronger than I really am, but she lost all the custom moves in Ultimate, so I guess not. She cant even give me flying powers because thats specific to angels. Even worldwide telepathy isnt a big deal in a universe with cellphones. I guess she can walk out of giant glowing golden doors whenever she wants, which means its not a big deal if she loses a housekey? Im actually shocked here. Palutena has probably the most and the craziest magic powers of anyone on the list outside of Yuki Nagato and maybe Rosalina, and yet theyre incredibly weak for waifu purposes.


---

Not changing this sig until I decide to change this sig.
Started: July 6, 2005