Board 8 > Gauntlet Crew Ranks Animated TV Show Movies

(+) Yeah! (+)

Kids TV cartoons have been around since the early days of television, and with only a few exceptions that is generally where they stayed. In the 1980s, it was discovered that there was money to be made in adapting such shows to the big screen and for better or worse they havent stopped since.
The brave souls of Gauntlet Crew watch 30 of the most significant of these theatrical releases from across all generations of childrens' entertainment, including a few that are absolutely not for kids but you can bet they watched them anyway when their parents werent looking.

List of movies:

Hey There, It's Yogi Bear! (1964)
The Man Called Flintstone (1966)
The Care Bears Movie (1985)
Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer (1985)
Care Bears Movie II: A New Generation (1986)
My Little Pony: The Movie (1986)
The Transformers: The Movie (1986)
The Chipmunk Adventure (1987)
G.I. Joe: The Movie (1987)
BraveStarr: The Movie (1988)
Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw (1988)
Jetsons: The Movie (1990)
DuckTales the Movie: Treasure of the Lost Lamp (1990)
A Goofy Movie (1995)
Beavis and Butt-head Do America (1996)
The Rugrats Movie (1998)
Doug's 1st Movie (1999)
South Park: Bigger, Longer & Uncut (1999)
Rugrats in Paris: The Movie (2000)
Recess: School's Out (2001)
The Powerpuff Girls Movie (2002)
Hey Arnold!: The Movie (2002)
The Wild Thornberrys Movie (2002)
Teacher's Pet (2004)
The SpongeBob SquarePants Movie (2004)
Aqua Teen Hunger Force Colon Movie Film for Theaters (2007)
The Simpsons Movie (2007)
Smurfs: The Lost Village (2017)
The Lego Ninjago Movie (2017)
My Little Pony: The Movie (2017)

Our possibly regret-filled participants:

Karo
Inviso
Snake
Johnbobb
Stifled
Scarlet
Charon
Jona
Genny
Red
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The total scores for all movies:

21
53
71
74
90
91
112
125
128
133
140
145
145
152
153
154
155
161
161
178
178
185
191
200
209
226
231
249
258
271

Hint for #30: The only movie in the project that was unanimously bottom 10.
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There were around 5 movies I despised on the list. Hopefully its one of those!
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Tag!

Only one unanimous bottom 10, really?

MLP 1986
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Also, while not an official Gauntleteer, TRAVIS RETURNS! He will provide biting commentary on all of these films and possibly sleep through some of them. Stay tuned!
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30. My Little Pony: The Movie (1986)

Genny: 22
Karo: 26
Inviso: 26
Red: 26
Johnbobb: 28
Stifled: 28
Scarlet: 28
JONA: 28
Snake: 29
Charon: 30

Total Score: 271

Genny: This movie has an awful plot, awful characters, and awful soundtrack. I've ranked it this high solely because I feel like the movies below it are just that much worse, because as bad as almost everything in this film was, at least it provided me some entertainment precisely because it was bad. I feel like the movies below this one aren't even memorable, and I at least enjoyed poking fun at how bad this movie was with my fianc as we watched it together. This movie is imo the bridge between the mediocre movies with very little to offer and the outright irredeemably bad and/or forgettable ones.

Karo: The MLP franchise may be quite popular nowadays, but this incarnation of the series is not spoke of in polite company, much like a severely disabled relative you keep chained in the basement whenever your friends come over.
So basically the plot is that ponyland gets overrun by apocalyptic singing purple sludge, and because it is immune to literally the only defense they have against evil (a magic rainbow), we witness the complete collapse of pony civilization.
Our cast of all-female pastel-colored horsies react to these hardships in one of the following ways: running away, crying, holding tickle fights, or getting someone else to solve their problems for them.
Yeah, lets teach little girls that they are useless and incapable of anything on their own. This is just so incredibly sexist there is no words.
Unfortunately, they also had the bright idea to make this a musical when nearly every member of the cast is tone-deaf (or possibly regular deaf), and unaware of what the definition of 'singing' is. The resulting soundtrack rapes the ears so brutally that blood gushes out freely.
As bad as the musicality of the movie was it is only a piece of a much larger problem, an apathetic half-assed attitude on the part of everyone involved in the production, and complete lack of any pride or quality control whatsoever in their work.
It is often said by 'wise' individuals that girls are not a profitable target for movies. Well, maybe it has something to do with trying to feed them horseshit like this.

Inviso: Its a damn shame that I cant rank this last because its just as bad as the worst of the films Ive watched through this point in the list. Seriously, how many stupid, kiddy movies did the 80s need to produce that insulted the intelligence of children? I honestly cannot tell you a single characters name outside of Spike (who was unique in being a dragon), and Lickety Split (who hung around Spike and no other ponies for most of the movie.) Everyone feels generic, there are dumb, pointless songs. And the immature kid in me laughs at the fact that there is a race called grundles. I rank this above some even shittier films because there IS a coherent plot, albeit a bad one, and there is nothing actively offensive in the animation, or the obnoxious boy character. Other than that, this was terrible. How the hell did this show get rebooted into something so amazing?
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Red: Incredibly bad voice acting and screechy, irritating songs are honestly just the start of how bad this movie is. I mean, I got a kick out of the fact that the ponies are pretty much vain jerks, but I think they were going for something entirely different in the movie. A lot of the movies on this list are just there to sell toys, but this one takes the cake for the most blatantly painful attempt at merchandising. You get this big old scene where the ponies had their home destroyed and they are offered all sorts fancy new homes and they turn them all down because they don't feel like home. So I mean, they just miss their old home, right? WRONG. What they really need is a new home that looks suspiciously like a new playset. Its hilarious for all the wrong reasons.

Johnbobb: Take voices more grating than the Chipmunks and visuals more pukey-bright than the Care Bears. Add redneck witches(?) and terrible songs and uncomfortable pony facial animation and a plot that seems too dumb for a 2-year-old to enjoy.

Stifled: I had a really hard time choosing the loser of this list because my bottom five were absolute torture to watch. But little things had to separate the semi-losers from the big loser. In this case, a few brief moments of comic relief propelled Ponies 86 above the bottom of the barrel. Let me be clear, this is a horrible movie. But there was a line in one of the songs by the Redneck Witches that really tickled me. You never use the guillotine I bought you! Likeits so silly, but I needed it. Because good lord the ponies are annoying chirpy husks of characters. They are so boring and so are the humans. This was a fucking toy line for a reason. The kids use their imaginations to assign personalities to the horses. Instead, a bad writing team assigned personalities to the horses and they FAILED.
I guess the only other good takeaway is 1986 was a peaceful time where people did not want to have sex with the ponies. Or if they did, they kept it to themselves. Good times.
Traviss Opinion: He did not touch this movie with a ten foot pole. Smart boy. In fact, he tried to steal the remote and turn it off after the first 20 minutes. And believe me, I considered obliging him!

Scarlet: You have to wonder why Karo thought a list of sugary so-called cuteness designed to mask the neverending greed of big business and its disturbing manipulation of the weakest and most impressionable of society was worthy of the time of Gauntlet Crew. Especially when you find yourself privy to an all-star voice cast spouting the most ear-rendingly annoying shrill drivel in the history of the known universe. How this franchise hasnt been put out to pasture after all of these years is beyond me. It deserves a trip to the Hollywood glue factory after this garbage monstrosity poorly disguised as what one would, if they were extremely charitable or blind, call a movie.
Rating: 7/100

JONA: My Little pony, my Little pony
Ah, ah, ah ah,
My Little Pony
I used to wonder how bad films could be
My Little Pony
Until Karo forced this film upon me
No adventures
Lack of fun
My damn ranking streak, faithful and strong
Watching bad films, no easy feat
This project makes it all complete
My Little Pony
Do you know you're all my very best friends

Snake: Rushed production is clearly evident here. Clumsy scene transitions abound. The so-called story is weak and its pretty obvious this movie was only made for a quick buck. The characters are just not good at all.
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Charon: Just a complete and Utter Flutter disaster. There is nothing good to say about this movie. Spike isn't that terrible but that's about it. Abominable music featuring people who CANNOT SING AT ALL. From truly wretched villain songs like Evil Like Me (no disrespect, how do you let Cloris Leachman sing this) and the unlikable and annoying I'll Do the Dirty Work to one of the most foul songs in ANY movie I can recall, I'll Go It Alone. There is nothing much redeemable about any of these characters either. The villains don't progress or change, as I initially predicted they might. The ponies are either downright rude and mean or over the top annoying. I could not decide who to hate during the exchange at the beginning of the film between Lickety Split and her castmates. This is just so bad. I'd rather turn on Absolutely Green and play it for 24 hours in a row than ever have to sit through any of this again. Congratulations for displacing Don Bluth's travesty after all this time as my lowest overall ranked movie across all projects.
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Outlier:

Genny: 6
Karo: 4
Inviso: 4
Red: 4
Johnbobb: 2
Stifled: 2
Scarlet: 2
JONA: 2
Snake: 1
Charon: 0

Hint for #29: From the 1980s.
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Aww yeah lets keep the bad 80s hate train rolling! Choo choo!
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Satisfying #30 for sure, I expect nearly all 80s movies in the bottom 10.
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Hm... one of the Care Bears is my guess. II.

You all get the floom for not finding the movie as hilaribad as I did
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Instead of floom, how about flume? I like log flumes.
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Tag, but looking over the list, I'm a bit sad not to see Cartoon All-Stars to the Rescue, even though I'm aware it's not really a movie (and that it's not really that good).
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StifledSilence posted...

Instead of floom, how about flume? I like log flumes.

Only if we can send my bottom 8 movies up in flumes.

I think my biggest issue with this movie wasn't even the abysmal soundtrack and voice acting despite several A- and B-list caneos or the blatant marketing of the new PONY PARADISE PLAYHOUSE (tm)! No, to me the biggest flaw I had was how when some of the ponies got sludged they would shit on the pony called Shady when she didn't even do anything. I mean shitting on Lickety Split is one thing because she did ruin the show that a lot of ponies worked really hard on by improvising a "spotlight-stealing" dance, but WHAT THE FUCK DID SHADY DO TO DESERVE THE CONSTANT DERISION OF HER SO-CALLED FRIENDS!?

I don't think any of them even apologized after they got un-sludged. What kind of lesson are kids supposed to take away from that kind of behavior? Sure, be a dick to your friend, little Suzie! Megan is just a basic bitch anyway so it's okay to shit on her like everybody else does. *Two weeks later.* Oh she overdosed on Xanax? Welp. Basic bitch had it coming.
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Outlier is a little off.
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The ponies were way bigger jerks to each other than i ever could have possibly imagined.

fixed
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Tag, even though I'm a bit disappointed that Shaun the Sheep Movie didn't make the list.
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Xeybozn posted...

Tag, even though I'm a bit disappointed that Shaun the Sheep Movie didn't make the list.

We ranked this one on a previous list.

I'll say this now. Honestly, the next time a list like this shows up we probably should reserve the right to ultimately deny it before it becomes effective. If only like... 5 movies could compete on other, similar concept lists... it shouldn't be a thing.
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GenesisSaga posted...

StifledSilence posted...

Instead of floom, how about flume? I like log flumes.

Only if we can send my bottom 8 movies up in flumes.

I think my biggest issue with this movie wasn't even the abysmal soundtrack and voice acting despite several A- and B-list caneos or the blatant marketing of the new PONY PARADISE PLAYHOUSE (tm)! No, to me the biggest flaw I had was how when some of the ponies got sludged they would shit on the pony called Shady when she didn't even do anything. I mean shitting on Lickety Split is one thing because she did ruin the show that a lot of ponies worked really hard on by improvising a "spotlight-stealing" dance, but WHAT THE FUCK DID SHADY DO TO DESERVE THE CONSTANT DERISION OF HER SO-CALLED FRIENDS!?

I don't think any of them even apologized after they got un-sludged. What kind of lesson are kids supposed to take away from that kind of behavior? Sure, be a dick to your friend, little Suzie! Megan is just a basic bitch anyway so it's okay to shit on her like everybody else does. *Two weeks later.* Oh she overdosed on Xanax? Welp. Basic bitch had it coming.

Shady probably nominated Lenne in the My Little Pony: Save My Final Fantasy Character Contest.
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Leafeon13N posted...

Xeybozn posted...

Tag, even though I'm a bit disappointed that Shaun the Sheep Movie didn't make the list.

We ranked this one on a previous list.

Oh yeah, that makes sense. I should've checked those first.
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Slim Shady Pony dropping those sick beats and making all the other ponies jealous.
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29. Pound Puppies and the Legend of Big Paw

Karo: 18
Genny: 18
Red: 22
Stifled: 24
Charon: 27
Inviso: 30
Snake: 30
Johnbobb: 30
Scarlet: 30
JONA: 30

Total Score: 258

Karo: The Pound Puppies are a bunch of dogs who wear clothes and walk on their hind legs in an anthropomorphic manner, yet all the humans seem to be oblivious to this and treat them just like regular dogs.
So yeah, you have this doggie girl who stands upright in her cute little cheerleading outfit and has human expressions and emotions, and the people make her sleep in a fucking doghouse. Not to mention the other character that is forced to go through childbirth at the pound. Jesus, people at least had some sort of basic human respect for the Chipmunks and Brian Griffin.
So anyway the villain of the movie wants to steal the magic bone that makes the dogs able to speak with humans and use it for world domination, though exactly how one would conquer the world by being Dr. Doolittle is never explained. Indeed, most of the villain's schemes revolve around a dastardly device that makes good characters bad, something way more useful for world conquest than the Mystic Bone of +1 Puppy Speaking.
There's a smattering of musical numbers where they took classic 1950's songs and redid them with new canine-themed lyrics, and they are as horrifying as they are awesome.
Is it bad movie? Holy fuck yes. But it is cute and silly and memorable for all the wrong reasons, and hilarious in ways I'm sure the producers never intended.

Genny: I promised charon I would move this movie at least four spots up my list for one single line that made me laugh out loud and I'm a woman of my word. I was literally brought to tears by a certain exchange involving "hiding the bone" and that made this movie better than anything below it. It still was mediocre at best. The soundtrack was a lot more tolerable than other films from the same time period, but ye gosh the dialogue and characters. I feel bad for Big Paw for getting shat on and called ugly twice! With protagonists like these who needs McNasties!? Seriously this is worse than when Shady's pony "friends" blamed her for all the bad things that happened in My Little Pony: The Movie (1986). Personally I blame the writers.

Red: People really shouldn't let clearly evil villains adopt puppies, it makes no sense. Also if you don't cringe everytime they say "Purries" there may be something wrong with you. Cats cant be cats or kittens because that simply wont sell enough toys. Also most of these puppies clearly have to be dogs by now, especially since there are actual puppies that are part of the plot. The plot which is very generic and randomly brings in Big Paw who just randomly shows up pretty late and never seems all that important despite having his name in the title. Also I probably say this a lot in these writeups and I'll say it here, the random generic human children in all the 80s movies are always the worst.

Stifled: I loved this movie when I was a kid. Sadly, it didnt age that well. While I still like the music, particularly ITS ALL IN YOUR MIND, the movie itself is kinda bad. The only scene I found myself enjoying that wasnt musical was the heist scene where the idiot lackeys were stealing the Bone of Scone. Otherwise, the movie was derivative and followed the same formula as most of the movies I placed at the bottom of the list. It didnt even retain the whole voice cast from the original cartoon. The new voice actor playing Cooler sounds like a total fucking dork, which is not cool at all. The original guy sounded kinda like Tony Danza!

Traviss Opinion: Travis also liked the music and asked me to dance with him! And uhhhthats it.
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Charon: So explain again how this universe works? Animals are basically people, yet they still get adopted by people all the same? Why do the more grown up characters wear clothing but the younger ones don't and still act more like regular dogs? Regardless, all of these characters should stay as four legged dogs because they're all bad. Cooler is a terrible leader who fails at nearly everything throughout the entire movie and Howler is one of the most annoying characters I've ever come across. The music here is pretty annoying and downright bad at times. This is just nonsense that offers nothing of any quality.

Inviso: Yeah, I cannot think of a single positive to this film. The musical style being that of the 1950s swing/doo wop was annoying, because the songs were bad especially corny and bad. The plot is fucking awful, because it starts off by equating Excalibur, which most people know about, with a new thing called the Bone of Scone (stupid name, by the way). But the only power the bone has is the ability to let dogs speak to humans? Yet for some reason, the big bad villain of the movie believes that obtaining the bone will allow him to take over the world? Likewhat? You cant fucking go the underpants gnome route of 1. Steal Bone, 2. ???, 3. Profit! Finally, Im a furry, and theres something super fucked up to me about the anthropomorphization of child animals. Like, Road Rovers, Swat Catsfine. Theyre adults. But its fucking CREEPY when the characters are supposed to be children, like in this instance. It just brings back too many memories of the worst aspects of the furry fandom to enjoy.

Snake: One of the most irritating, idiotic, and insufferable films Ive ever watched. Id rather watch Trolls and Bebes Kids back-to-back than ever again see a single frame of animation from this cheap-ass rush job. A seriously worthless film.

Johnbobb: why

Scarlet: You have to wonder why Karo thought a list of the level worst films that the world of animation has cursed upon society, like a blight, a true pox of utter cancerous awfulness, was worthy of the time of Gauntlet Crew. Especially when you find yourself bleeding from the eyes, unable to contain the oozing braincells attempting to flee from your head as you watch Pound Puppies, an apt description of what you want to do after witnessing a story featuring someone with the horribly on-the-nose last name of McNasty and a puzzling MacGuffin called simply The Bone of Scone. Since when did scones come boned? I guess I have been fortunate enough to only eat boneless scones throughout my entire life. Fuck this movie, fuck Karo for making us watch this movie. There is not a single positive aspect of this movie whatsoever aside from its brevity, and even that doesnt save this shit from itself.
Rating: 4/100

JONA: This honestly might be the worst movie I've ever seen. I can't say a single positive thing about it. It's so derivative; there's nothing at all worth talking about.
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FIVE bottom rankings. Wow.
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Holy crap. I figured Pound Puppies would rank low, but I didn't think it would get 5 bottom of the barrel placements.
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Outlier:

Genny: 19
Karo: 15
Red: 10
Stifled: 8
Inviso: 5
Johnbobb: 3
Scarlet: 3
JONA: 3
Snake: 2
Charon: 2

Hint for #28: Has at least one talking animal in it.
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StifledSilence posted...

Holy crap. I figured Pound Puppies would rank low, but I didn't think it would get 5 bottom of the barrel placements.

I know, right? I mean at least the puppies can carry a tune!
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Genny posted...

I promised charon I would move this movie at least four spots up my list for one single line

Charon forcing another gauntleteer to rank this higher should go down as the biggest example of corruption in Gauntlet Ranks history.
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Alert the news industry, alert Super Poke. We need some justice in this.
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EXTRA EXTRA READ ALL ABOUT IT!

Prostitution and corruption in the Gauntlet Rankings! Gauntleteers exchanging sexual favors to boost the popularity of anthropomorphic dogs. Read all about it!
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Oh boy I've got this outlier in the bag!

Guess for #28:

Rainbow Brite and the Star Stealer
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I'm thinking BraveStarr next. Dat talking horse.
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PrinceKaro posted...

Jesus, people at least had some sort of basic human respect for the Chipmunks and Brian Griffin.

Is it bad that it took me a minute to realize you were not in fact making a joke and talking about Chris Griffin?
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StifledSilence posted...

I'm thinking BraveStarr next. Dat talking horse.

That would have been my second guess, but real talk did Karo singlehandedly save either Care Bears from the bottom 3 or am I part of a collective Punk'ding?
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Well those were enjoyable writeups to read.
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GenesisSaga posted...

StifledSilence posted...

I'm thinking BraveStarr next. Dat talking horse.

That would have been my second guess, but real talk did Karo singlehandedly save either Care Bears from the bottom 3 or am I part of a collective Punk'ding?

You forget that I am a Bear Br...no, I can't even say that with a straight face. The Bear Bros do not endorse the Care Bears except in a joking nature.

Yeah it's probably Karo lol
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Honestly, I could have ranked like 15 of these movies in the bottom 3.

That might be generous. I don't even know how to make predictions for this list.
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StifledSilence posted...

GenesisSaga posted...

StifledSilence posted...

I'm thinking BraveStarr next. Dat talking horse.

That would have been my second guess, but real talk did Karo singlehandedly save either Care Bears from the bottom 3 or am I part of a collective Punk'ding?

You forget that I am a Bear Br...no, I can't even say that with a straight face. The Bear Bros do not endorse the Care Bears except in a joking nature.

Yeah it's probably Karo lol

I legit laughed out loud. Thank you, Stifled.

Anyway, I actually liked some of the 50's style songs. I think you guys (barring Stifled and maybe Karo) were a little hard on the soundtrack. Nothing in Big Paw even compares to Absolutely Green or Straight Jackin'. Not even close! The characters were pretty abysmal though. Cooler was the only one I didn't hate of the main cast. And what the fuck kind of name is Nose-Marie? HA HA SO VERY PUNNY!!
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Seeing the two films that I had the least interest in watching while deciding whether or not to participate at the bottom makes me happy with my decision.
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Underleveled posted...

Seeing the two films that I had the least interest in watching while deciding whether or not to participate at the bottom makes me happy with my decision.

That means everything is better than the two things you thought would be the worst.

I am confused.
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There are currently 4 people who have not had their #30 eliminated, which means there's worse films in their opinion still in right now. Therefore there's worse films than the movies Darkx didn't want to watch according to some opinions.
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Those weren't the ONLY movies I had no interest in watching. About a third of the list made me cringe upon reading the titles but those two the most and it's indication that I was right in passing them up.
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The bragging about a lack of participation is honestly confusing.

There were about three movies so unforgivably terrible they were almost hard to rank above or below each other

two of them have dropped
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I really hope someone hasn't propelled either Care Bears films too highly, because they are truly wretched too. Honestly, for me the films break down like this:

Great films (on par with the upper halfs of the other lists): 5
Good films (worthy of a middling ranking in the other lists): 7
Decent films (something to like, but probably a lower half ranking in other lists): 5
Meh films (not a ton to like, but not offensively bad enough to rank in a bottom 5): 4
Truly bad films (easily could rank in the bottom 5 of any other list, many ranking at the bottom): 9

I mean almost a third of these films I'd rank as almost worse than anything on the other animated lists. Outside of a few additional horrendous ones, these 9 of these would make up a bulk of the list on "worst animated films ever" list if I were to make one. I said that MLP 86 was the worst animated film I've seen in full and that it displaced Troll in Central Park as the worst... but I'd say that honestly my bottom 6 could possibly all be worse than Troll is.
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I would do the same thing, but I feel like that might dishearten the listmaker. You really are a generous man.
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Sherry_Tueli posted...

I'll say this now. Honestly, the next time a list like this shows up we probably should reserve the right to ultimately deny it before it becomes effective. If only like... 5 movies could compete on other, similar concept lists... it shouldn't be a thing.

Literally only 5 can to me. I mean, as I said I wouldn't mind some of these films on other lists. I think the better thing might have been to include them within a project of general animation in the future. I don't want to shit all over Karo's project here. He didn't create the movies or have the wise idea to theatrically release them, but frankly this was tedious at best and tortuous at worst. That said, maybe it's healthy to have a list of garbage to rank sometimes.
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