Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Arnold Schwarzenegger-related with write-ups (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

So far, we've done Star Wars, Star Trek, Final Fantasy, Flags, Visual Designs, Metal Gear, Pokemon, and Legend of Zelda. I didn't want to do LotR because I haven't read the Silmarillion, and I didn't want to do another video game series four times in a row. It came down to the Simpsons vs 80s Movies, but then I realized, I haven't watched the Simpsons since 2006, and Arnold Schwarzenegger would dominate the nominations of the latter category anyway, so why not just do everything about him at the same time? He's the ultimate 1982-1991 Actor, after all.

You may nominate anything, but it must have at least some kind of connection to Arnold Schwarzenegger. I will then tier it, and write my thoughts on the subject. As before, I'll veto a nomination if I just don't know anything about it and am too lazy to look it up, so if you nominate his weird non-action/sci-fi movies, you're getting what you deserve. I don't know how long this topic will go for compared to the others, which have ranged from 250-500 posts, so we'll just have to see how popular Arnalhd is.

Last Action Hero

Pumping Iron

Rainier Wolfcastle

Being the 38th Governor of California

Conan O'Brien's "Arnold Via Satellite" skits

Total Recall

Austrian Death Machine (band)

The Running Man (the movie not the book)

The Expendables (I only saw the first one don't know if he has cameos in others)

Predator

This pipe

https://image-cdn.hypb.st/https%3A%2F%2Fhypebeast.com%2Fimage%2F2020%2F09%2Farnold-schwarzenegger-terminator-2-t-1000-briar-pipe-news-tw.jpg

President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)

Austria

Yu gi oh gx

Mortal Kombat

The Greatest Action Story Ever Told
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dIeuBPDUzB0

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Predator: This is one of the main examples of Arnoldcore, those six definitive Arnold films that make 80s and 90s action what it is. In terms of actual quality as a real movie that you are supposed to take seriously, this ranks #2 in Arnoldcore, behind only a single other film. And it's weird, because this film really edges closer to comedy than most of the rest of Arnoldcore. The comedy in most of his good movies comes from the dichotomy of this cartoon character saying ridiculous things while invincibly murdering dozens of enemy soldiers or whatever, and this movie plays with that in an almost-meta way? To see my complaints about meta humor, look below for my write-up on Last Action Hero. I guess Predator just has the advantage of not being garbage, unlike LAH. It's such a cool concept, the idea of these invincible heroes effortlessly mowing down a million rebels in a jungle, being completely in their element and laughing and joking and just being action heroes, and then the very instant they encounter something they don't understand, all of the jokes stop and they all start getting massacred one-by-one. It's a slasher, it's sci-fi, it's a comedy, it's a horror, it's a ripoff of The Most Dangerous Game, it's everything. Predator is definitely the Arnoldcore movie with the most 'things' stuffed into it, and every second of the film is wonderful. This is incidentally the least female film Arnold was ever in, by the way. The one woman on the production staff had to drop out at the last moment for pregnancy reasons, so the only woman involved in the actress who just screams a lot. I think this adds to the movie, because it's basically a deconstruction of what it is to be a machismo action man. And if you asked me for my favorite Arnold moment ever, I don't know if I'd say it's the arm-wrestling contest with Dillon, but damn, it's close. This is just a perfect film in every way, 10/10.
Total Recall: This is not the most Arnold film ever, I'm sure we'll get to that later, but this is a top 4 Arnold film. My top 4 is basically all interchangable as far as their order, they're all mutually the best. When I was in high school, I had a teacher say "Total Recall is his best movie, because it's the only one with a real story and themes." While I disagree with the reasoning, this is... I don't know if it's his best film, but it's definitely what I'll call Arnoldcore. Arnold has six films from 1982-1991 that everyone on Earth must see, and then like five additional lesser films that are still worth watching, and then everything else can be ignored. This comes toward the end of Arnoldcore, but this has given the writers the maximum possible length of time to understand how to utilize their Arnold Schwarzenegger. I wouldn't call this his best-acted film, or his best film as an invincible action man. Instead, what Total Recall uniquely brings to the table is that it has an actual story with plot twists that make sense, characters who aren't all complete morons, and really cool sets. All other Arnoldcore films, besides Conan the Barbarian, are just set in the normal world, so it's Arnold in a bar, Arnold in a house, Arnold in a forest. Here? We've got Mars, we've futuristic cities, we've got evil laboratories, it's wonderful. This is also probably when Arnold first starts dipping his toe into the comedy pool, with scenes that are definitely playing fun with who he is, like dressing up as a fat woman with a robot head that explodes in a guard's hands, but he hasn't gone full-bore comedy yet and ruined himself. Holy crap, Twins was before Total Recall? I had no idea. I think the reason that Total Recall works as an actual story, as opposed to something lke Commando or Predator (I love them, but they aren't Shakespeare), is that it's based on a short story by a real author who actually cared about what he was doing, and then they gave it to Paul 'more blood' Verhoeven. Paul Verhoeven, man, he's like the director version of Arnold, some weird European man who made a series of good films in the 80s and 90s and then nosedived. God, the giant eyeballs as they suffocate on Mars, beating up an old lady and stealing the briefcase she was trying to steal, the super-gross psychics, the woman with three boobs, Arnold driving a drill into a guy and screaming SCREW YOU, is there anything this movie doesn't do perfectly? And yes, of course everyone loves the ending, where he's probably lobotomized.

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Austria (Nation): I have not been to Austria, but I have been to Germany, Czechia, Slovakia, and Hungary, all of which border it. I intend to visit it one day. Austria gave us Arnold, Sigmund Freud, Mozart, Schubert, Strauss, Erwin Schrodinger, Christoph Waltz... that's it, right? I'm not forgetting anyone important from Austria, I'm sure. I don't know, I've never been there, but it looks super nice. I'm sure it's at least as nice as Germany, and Germany is great. Landlocked, though. That sucks. I wonder what it's like to be from a tiny country, where if one person gets famous, then that's like the one representative of your country that anyone outside of it knows. I was thinking about that with Donald Trump's wife and Slovenia. I sure as hell can't name a single other Slovenian to ever live.
Rainier Wolfcastle: There have been many Arnold parodies over the years. This is the best one. He captures the accent, he captures the look, and he captures the stupidity. That's what defines Arnold, as opposed to other 80s stars like Van Damme or Stallone. Even at his most serious, Arnold is the dumbest thing in the world. He's such a cartoon character come to life, which is why he works perfectly in the Simpsons. They barely even changed him as a character, I love the clip where his partner dies and he's just not acting at all, it's very true to Arnold. One weird thing is that the main Wolfcastle joke film is McBain, where he plays a stupid cop in a cop movie, but like... was Arnold ever a cop in any of his films? I guess in Running Man, but this is more general 80s action tropes than staying true to the essence of Arnold. I do like, however, that his name is Irish, but he keeps the stupid accent. Very Arnold. I hate that the ending song to the movie is a James Bond parody, though. James Bond is like the opposite of the kind of films Arnold is known for.

Stick Around
The Running Man: I divide Arnold's films into four categories: Greater Arnoldcore (his six best films), Lesser Arnoldcore (four-to-seven more films that are watchable, but not his best), Garbage Arnold (all of his comedies, and everything post-2000), and Doesn't Even Count (Pumping Iron, etc). Running Man is difficult, because it has the essence of Greater Arnoldcore, it has that lack of self-awareness, the stupid one-liners, the appeal of being a gigantic handsome invincible murderer who says witty things, but it's not QUITE up to snuff. It's not as good as Greater Arnoldcore, it's not as bad as Lesser Arnoldcore, and it doesn't have any pop culturally-relevant one-liners people can meme. It's a good film, but compared to Predator or Terminator 2 or Total Recall? Please. It's a fun concept, being thrown into a deathmatch game show that's rigged against you, only to completely turn the tables on the host because you're way too good at murdering people. But the villains he has to kill aren't as fun as the Predator or the T-1000, they're just guys. There are fun moments, like when the host's bodyguard respects Arnold too much to kill him and just walks away, or when they find the winner of the previous gameshow and he's a corpse, or when the host gives out stupid prizes to audience members like an actual 1980s gameshow would. But there's no singular line or moment, like CONSIDAH DAT A DIVORCE or LET OFF SOME STEAM BENNET, that really sticks with you. Unlike Total Recall, this actually could justify a remake starring a new actor. Imagine what the modern equivalent of a 1980s gameshow is, you could have Action Man be framed with a deepfake and thrown into an instagram death match or something, I don't know. Despite the fact that it's not one of his best, Running Man is still the best example of "televised deathmatch" I know on film. What's its competition? ****ing Gamer?
Pumping Iron: I'm told that Arnold was playing up being a villain in this film, which makes sense. If you watch this as like an actual story instead of a docudrama, it's kind of amazing. It's about Lou Ferrigno's journey to dethrone the world's best bodybuilder, and his ultimate failure to even come close. Like, who's on the poster for this movie? It's sure not Lou Ferrigno. Like a much dumber version of Amadeus. God, I love prime 20s Arnold, where he doesn't even look like a human being, he just looks like a slab of moving meat.

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Governorship of California: I remember going to one of his rallies when I was a teenager. Honestly? He was completely unremarkable as the governor. For all the Governator jokes people made, you forgot almost instantly that he was in Sacramento, and life just moved on. His career in politics is such a footnote.
Arnold Pipe: I have no opinions about this one way or the other. I would be embarrassed to be seen with it in public, though.

Get Out
President Schwarzeneggar (The Simpsons Movie): This is the most baffling thing in the universe. You want to make a joke about Arnold as the president, that's fine, but then you... don't have it just be Rainer Wolfcastle, the established Arnold parody character? And you can't even get the real Arnold to voice himself, which is the only possible reason you'd include him instead of Wolfcastle? From the Wiki: 'Although he does not provide the voice, Arnold Schwarzenegger is President of the United States in the film. He was chosen instead of the incumbent President George W. Bush because then, "in two years [...] the film [would be] out of date".' Bud, did you think that "Arnold in politics" jokes were going to be more evergreen than George Bush jokes? Just completely beyond human comprehension.

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Last Action Hero: Part of what makes Arnold's movies compelling is their lack of self-awareness. It's that you have this cartoonish figure the size of a truck running around, solving all of his problems with violence, saying the stupidest things imaginable, and the movie never acknowledges that this is dumb. I could go off on a tangent about this being why Marvel films fail a lot, but to keep this focused on LAH: Arnold's last truly good movie was from 1991, and yeah, he had a couple of watchable movies after that, but LAH is the beginning of the end for him. This is where Arnold stops being Action Man and becomes Funny Action Man, and Funny Action Man is much less funny. You understand, right? But hell, even setting aside all Arnold-related issues, meta-stuff has to be done PERFECTLY to be good. Bad, or even flawed, meta-stories are always terrible. LAH has a lot of sort of neat ideas, but the only meta joke in the entire thing that's actually good is when the kid learns that this world's version of Terminator stars Sylvester Stallone. Everything else? There are parts that are mildly clever, like Arnold taking a bullet in the real world that will slowly kill him, but going back to the movie world where it's something you can walk off, but none of it is compelling, none of it is good. And then you have the corny one-liners that are WRITTEN to be corny, instead of written to be badass. People still say "I'll be back," no one says "You want to be a farmer? Here's some acres," and punch a guy in the balls. This isn't even close to Arnold's worst film, but it represents the worst of what he became. I want to be clear, though: there can't be another Arnold. There will never be another Arnold, at least not in Hollywood. You just can't have someone with that little self-awareness run around doing action things and have the audience take him seriously anymore.
Mortal Kombat: Because the Terminator was a guest character in one of these games, right? Look. As a kid, MK to me was very clearly the wannabe Street Fighter, the Pepsi to its Coke, the Burger King to its McDonald's. It always looked worse, played worse, and had worse locations for its cabinets in arcades and bowling alleys. Why would you ever play this when you could play Street Fighter instead? All MK had going for it was that it was the only early 90s series to embrace violence and gore, and once other games started doing that, it didn't even have that anymore. For God's sake, even as a little kid, I could tell the palette swap ninja thing was just a way to lazily save money and time, and I was like six. I know MK has a resurgence in the last decade, and that's fine, but I just do not see any appeal in this series at all, not when you could play Street Fighter, Tekken, Soul Calibur, and Smash instead.
The Expendables 1: I have a great contempt for this series. The idea of gathering up all the 80s action stars for a crossover is terrible to begin with, because it's inherently a self-aware joke. You can never take it seriously the way you can pretend to take Terminator 2 seriously, or Demolition Man (which is more of a comedy, but whatever). But then on top of that, you make this movie in 2010, twenty years after Stallone was last relevant, and you only have Stallone and Bruce Willis in it, with Arnold in the briefest cameo ever. No Van Damme, no Steven Seagal, no nothing. This is like the saddest 'old man tries to be young again' film ever, and we haven't even gotten to the film itself. The only thing in this entire movie I enjoyed was the scene where a guy attaches C4 to various objects around the bad guy's compound, then he presses the button to detonate it all, and it quick-cuts to everything exploding, including a car he didn't attach C4 to. That was actually clever.
Austrian Death Machine: I listened to some of their music. It's not very good. I've never heard of them, they can't be that popular, right? Does... does anyone actually like death metal? It's just so unpleasant.
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits: I had never heard of this, so I googled it. It wasn't funny. Sorry! This is like the worst and least funny comedy I've ever seen? Man, I forgot that TV looked this bad in 2003. Goddamn, a Terminator 3 reference. "S.W.A.T. is now the #1 movie." Jesus, there was a moment in history when S.W.A.T. was the world's most popular film?

Veto
Yu-Gi-Oh GX: I have no idea what the Arnold connection is, and I've never watched this show to begin with.

mcflubbin posted...

Mortal Kombat

Specifically him being the model for The Terminator in Mortal Kombat 11 but not the voice for him. Although he personally selected who to be the voice.

"Get to da CHOPPA!!!!"

His secret son he had with his housekeeper

wow okay fine anagram

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=GOjNzHDtHJM

The Kindergarten Cop school being used as the basis for Midwich Elementary School in Silent Hill

Like a much dumber version of Amadeus.

I love this. This is beautiful, Anagram.

Hercules in New York

The Last Stand (2013)

Arnold's accent

The "ahnold voice." Aka the voice everyone does when they try to impersonate him. Not the same as his actual accent, which was also nominated.

WhiteLens posted...

Specifically him being the model for The Terminator in Mortal Kombat 11 but not the voice for him. Although he personally selected who to be the voice.

Is this another nomination?

Planet Hollywood

Conan the Barbarian

Conan the Barbarian (either the character or the movie, whichever you don't do for Bitto's)

Arnold as Mr. Freeze (sorry)

the Predator nes game

The EM-1 Rail-Gun from Eraser

The New Celebrity Apprentice

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent: My brother-in-law is German. Once, I asked him, "Does Arnold Schwarzenegger sound normal when speaking in German?" He said "That's a great question," and immediately pulled up a clip of him speaking German on youtube. He then told me that no, he sounds equally insane. What I take from this is that Arnold cannot speak any language correctly, and that's sort of wonderful. I know that he has a super thick Austrian version of a redneck accent, and that no one outside of the German-speaking world understands those stereotypes, so to us, it's just the Arnold accent. And I think this is part of why Arnold had such success as an actor. It's not just his body, it's that his accent is so interminable that you can't tell how bad of an actor he is. It's that Arnold was, is, and forever will be a cartoon character come to life. This is part of why I think there will never be another Arnold, because you need to have a weird, unique look to you, a silly accent, a cartoonish aura about you, and an audience that is willing to engage non-ironically with the type of action scenes you can perform. The nearest Arnold equivalent is not the Rock, it's Jackie Chan. Jackie Chan is also a weird-looking foreign guy who came to America to do dumb action movies, then got bored in the 90s and transitioned to comedy (more successfully, in Jackie Chan's case). Arnold did "invincible muscle man," Jackie Chan did "invincible kung-fu man," both of them have very thick accents, neither of them can actually act, and both of them eventually turned into trash as far as their movies are concerned. So, whenever anyone says that "X is the next Arnold," they'll always be wrong. It's not even just that no one today has Arnold's specific qualities, because others do (the Rock basically does, minus the accent), it's that you just can't make movies with as little self-awareness anymore as they did in the 80s and 90s, and whenever anyone tries, it's always lame and bad.
Conan the Barbarian (Film): Again, this is one of the six Arnoldcore movies. I know nothing about the real Conan the Barbarian books, but I'm told that this changes everything about them, yet still somehow nails the atmosphere. Here's the thing about this movie. It's stupid. But it's so EPICALLY stupid. There is no other film in history, except Conan the Destroyer, that even comes close to what this film feels like. It's the grandest-scale story, with like these epic, complicated themes, and it's just the dumbest thing in the universe. Arnold looks like a barbarian, but whenever you need him to say words and emote and grapple with THEMES and CONCEPTS, he's like the worst actor ever. And that's part of what makes it so perfect, because the one context where having a big dumb guy try to understand complicated themes works is when he's supposed to be a literal barbarian. This also has the best Arnold villain, of course. Did you know they hired James Earl Jones to play Thulsa Doom because he's supposed to be from Atlantis, so they wanted an actor "who looked like no real ethnicity," and decided a black guy with blue eyes was their best bet? Like it's the most weirdly racist casting ever, but he completely nails the role. He's way better than Arnold, Arnold is at his best when he's cast against someone who contrasts him a lot, and James Earl Jones is such a more competent actor that it's wonderful. Arnold and a little kid, Arnold and Danny DeVito, Arnold and a sassy woman, Arnold and another sassy woman. That scene where Arnold is like "bro you killed my parents," and Doom just shrugs and is like "must've been when I was younger," god, so good. Every scene is amazing and has something insane. Arnold has sex with a witch who then turns into a ghost and is never mentioned again, Arnold beats up a camel, the king is angry that his daughter ran off and throws a knife into a table, Thulsa Doom is in an orgy and turns into a snake for no reason, Thulsa Doom wants to kill Arnold, so he takes a snake and turns it into a snake poison arrow and shoots his girlfriend. Even the sequence where Arnold goes from child to adult is insane, where a slaver takes him to spin a giant wheel for twenty years, and the kid pushes the wheel out of frame, and then the wheel comes back into frame and it's Arnold. This is like the dumb early 80s action version of a Tim Burton movie, where it's all about atmosphere and visuals, and nothing is meant to actually make any sense. And the ending! Where Arnold finally solves the riddle of steel and the riddle of flesh, and overcomes Thulsa Doom's mind games and just stabs him to death. Even when the movie is smart, it's still so epically stupid. Perfect in every way, and definitely one of the four greatest Arnold movies, interchangable in ranking with the others.
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice: To me, the Holy Trinity of movie voices to do with your friends are Arnold, Darth Vader, and Bane. They're all so stupid, and can fit any situation. Bane's a little harder to do than the others, though. It's funny, too, because if you actually watch Arnold movies post-Conan, his accent isn't THAT bad. Like, you can understand him. He never really goes RRRGHHGH or AGHHH like people make fun of him for. It's just the dichotomy between having the Arnold voice say things and the things themselves being said. The more serious or dumber the thing being said, the funnier it is to say it in Arnold's voice. So good, so perfect. I've said it many times before, but this contributes to Arnold's cartoonish demeanor, which is what makes it so important.

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Conan the Barbarian (Character): Again, I'm only counting the film version, not the book version. I understand that the book version is fairly clever and uses his wits a lot. The cleverest thing this version of Conan does is paint his face black to sneak into an orgy where nothing is black. Like, okay. Arnold is perfect for this type of movie, because he's fine as a big, intimidating scary man. He's perfect as Conan or the Terminator. But the very instant he has to speak, he becomes a cartoon. So, when Arnold just has to look off into the distance meaningfully, or look angry that his girlfriend is dead, or look contemplative when he's thinking about whether or not to attack Thulsa Doom for murdering his parents, or look shocked when Thulsa Doom is like "who now is your father if it is not me?", he can do that perfectly, because he doesn't have to say words. Like, Conan might be the most poorly-acted, best-acted, stupid and intelligent film character of all time. Again, I can't say enough good things about him.
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!": One of Arnold's classic lines. It's different from most of his lines, which are either one-liners you say before or after a murder, or some kind of threat of violence. This and "come with me if you want to live" are his only lines where he's trying to save someone instead of murder them, and the latter doesn't even really count because it was originally said by Kyle Reese, so I think that might be why people remember this line, just because it's the only time where he's not murdering someone. It's not even that stupid a line, honestly? It's just funny because Arnold can't pronounce Rs at the ends of words.
Rainier Wolfcastle

Stick Around
The Running Man
Pumping Iron
Hercules in New York: I'll be honest, I've never actually seen this movie. I've only seen the clips comparing the theatrical dialogue to the original, which are hilarious, of course. I don't even blame them for dubbing him, by the way, he's almost incomprehensible. Like, everyone laughs at his accent, but this movie was clearly made when he only sort of understood English. This is a very random reference, but years ago, I watched Legend of the Galactic Heroes, and there's a part where people sing the national anthem of the space republic, and they were like thirty seconds into it before I realized it was in English, because the VAs were clearly just phonetically pronouncing English words to a tune. Arnold here isn't THAT bad, but he's not much better. But yeah, seeing that face with a normal boring 1950s American movie accent (even though this is the 1970s yes I know) will forever be funny, because everyone just knows Arnold too well now. But man, is Arnold the greatest success story in all of movie history? You see him here, and he's the worst thing ever. You wouldn't know that fifteen years later, he'd be the most famous actor ever.

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth: I can't believe you thought I knew what this was. As if I've ever watched a YGO spinoff in my life. It's just 39 seconds of some guy dubbing a D-grade anime's one-episode monster character with a stupid Arnold voice. And I love it.
Governorship of California
Joseph Baena: It will forever be hilarious that Arnold's legitimate children look nothing like him, but his bastard son looks exactly like him, and even tried to become a bodybuilder himself. What a thing to be known for, though. Imagine being on the playground, forever the kid whose millionaire movie star-politician father knocked up his maid. And it's funny that he tried to follow Arnold's footsteps, too. You look at this photo where he tries to imitate Arnold's famous bicep pose, and Baena looks super ripped, but his arms are half his father's size. Arnold cannot be exceeded, even by his own children. It's a law of the universe. Holy crap, he's a real estate agent now? ... what a boring career. I once had a student who told me he wanted to go into real estate, and I was like "good for you, I bet you can succeed at that," but man, is that not what I expected from Arnold's bastard son. It must infuriate his legitimate children, too. Not only are they overshadowed by their father, but they're now also overshadowed by Baena. Poor guy.
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood: I've never been to a Planet Hollywood, I think? Google says the nearest one to me right now is in LAX. Boy oh boy, do I have no interest in eating at a theme restaurant at LAX.

Get Out
President Schwarzeneggar (The Simpsons Movie)
Terminator vs Jesus: I watched the whole thing. The actor looks nothing like Arnold at all, his body is just a normal man's body, and he can't do the accent at all. Like, that's the important part of Arnold parodies. You need to look like a giant walking slab of meat AND you need to have the accent. This guy just sounds like he's wheezing or something. Anyway, the idea of Jesus trying to get himself killed to redeem mankind, only for Arnold to constantly save him IS funny, but the only actually funny part is when he kills the Roman soldiers.
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill): Man, this is the most tangential Arnold connection ever, but okay. I mean, that's kind of cool, I guess? I didn't know about this connection. But like... who cares? I mean, honestly, does it matter where they got the basis for the elementary school in Silent Hill? Isn't Silent Hill set in a small town, and Kindergarten Cop is in a big city? Shouldn't their elementary schools look nothing alike?
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser): I've never seen Eraser, so I have no idea how good a movie it is. I assume it's the hidden seventh-best Arnold film, of course. This looks like a perfectly serviceable sci-fi gun, with nothing interesting about it at all.

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Last Action Hero
The Last Stand (2013): This is probably the best post-2000 Arnold movie, although I admit to not having seen Maggie or the Rundown. It's still a little too cutesy, but as far as Arnold's return to form after leaving politics, it's bearable. It's honestly better than some of Prime Arnold's material. I think it semi-succeeds because it doesn't play into Arnold being Arnold TOO much, and it keeps the plot very simple and clear (as opposed to those Terminator sequels, which like, GOD). If this had been Arnold's last movie, and then he retired afterward, I might even like it. But I'm not saying it's good. It's just okay.
Predator (NES): I briefly watched a playthrough of this on youtube. It looks like the most generic sidescrolling Contra-esque shooter I've ever seen in my life. They aren't even attempting to make it seem like Predator, you just fight giant bugs and plants and stuff. I know it's the NES, so you're limited in what you can do, but like, I expect the final boss in your PRedator game to be the Predator. Instead, it's the Predator's giant head that flies around shooting laser balls at you.
Mortal Kombat
The Expendables 1
The New Celebrity Apprentice: I have never watched The Apprentice, except for like fifteen minutes forever ago, where I watched a guy admit that he'd screwed up, and Trump immediately fired him. Remember when Trump tried to trademark "you're fired?" Anyway, pre-presidency, Arnold actually probably did have more fame than Trump, so he was a logical choice to replace him. Then after one season, Arnold was like "I don't want to be associated with Trump lol bye," and I don't blame him. Ugh, according to Wikipedia, he "terminated" people instead of firing them, and instead of sending them away in a cab or limo, sent them away in a helicopter while telling them to "get to the choppa." Jesus Christ, Arnold, you're the only person on Earth who's a parody of himself.
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze: God, what do I even say? People make fun of Arnold's ice puns a lot, but they're not even very memorable. Rainier Wolfcastle's "Ice to see you" is way better than any of them. And it's like, the logic of Mr. Freeze as a character is that he's a nerdy scientist man who's not a physical threat until he puts on his giant freezing suit, but it's Arnold, a man who is the size of six regular men. Possibly the greatest miscasting of all time, and he's in a movie with George Clooney as Batman, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, Clueless Girl as Batgirl, and... who the hell played Robin? Chris O'Donnell? I have not seen any of his other movies besides Batman Forever. And I distinctly remember as a kid watching this, and the ending of the movie is that Arnold realizes that Poison Ivy tried to murder his wife, and shows up in her jail cell in his suit and is like "I'm your new cellmate lol time for revenge," and I was like, what kind of joke is that? Is that meant to be a rape joke? I'd say I think they didn't think it through, but they didn't think anything through in that movie. God, that movie.

Epic Rap Battles of History: Terminator vs. Robocop

Anagram posted...

Is this another nomination?

No, it's just an added detail. Pretty sure being the provider of the face model for The Terminator in MK11 is Arnold's only involvement with Mortal Kombat.

I guess I missed that you already wrote about it.

Winning Mr. Olympia seven times

Anagram posted...

This is probably the best post-2000 Arnold movie, although I admit to not having seen Maggie or the Rundown

This is why I nominated it because I agree with this (and pretty much your whole writeup) and wanted to see if Arnoldpinions align on that.

Though the Rundown is much better (it doesn't count though he's just a cameo)

Terminator 2: Judgment Day

the Terminator 2 nes game

Escape Plan

Batman & Robin

Pumping up With Hans and Franz

Conan the Destroyer

fun fact: the person doing the monster's dub voice? Sean Schemmel, the voice of Goku