LogFAQs > #976247353

Stick Around
The Running Man
Pumping Iron
Hercules in New York: I'll be honest, I've never actually seen this movie. I've only seen the clips comparing the theatrical dialogue to the original, which are hilarious, of course. I don't even blame them for dubbing him, by the way, he's almost incomprehensible. Like, everyone laughs at his accent, but this movie was clearly made when he only sort of understood English. This is a very random reference, but years ago, I watched Legend of the Galactic Heroes, and there's a part where people sing the national anthem of the space republic, and they were like thirty seconds into it before I realized it was in English, because the VAs were clearly just phonetically pronouncing English words to a tune. Arnold here isn't THAT bad, but he's not much better. But yeah, seeing that face with a normal boring 1950s American movie accent (even though this is the 1970s yes I know) will forever be funny, because everyone just knows Arnold too well now. But man, is Arnold the greatest success story in all of movie history? You see him here, and he's the worst thing ever. You wouldn't know that fifteen years later, he'd be the most famous actor ever.

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth: I can't believe you thought I knew what this was. As if I've ever watched a YGO spinoff in my life. It's just 39 seconds of some guy dubbing a D-grade anime's one-episode monster character with a stupid Arnold voice. And I love it.
Governorship of California
Joseph Baena: It will forever be hilarious that Arnold's legitimate children look nothing like him, but his bastard son looks exactly like him, and even tried to become a bodybuilder himself. What a thing to be known for, though. Imagine being on the playground, forever the kid whose millionaire movie star-politician father knocked up his maid. And it's funny that he tried to follow Arnold's footsteps, too. You look at this photo where he tries to imitate Arnold's famous bicep pose, and Baena looks super ripped, but his arms are half his father's size. Arnold cannot be exceeded, even by his own children. It's a law of the universe. Holy crap, he's a real estate agent now? ... what a boring career. I once had a student who told me he wanted to go into real estate, and I was like "good for you, I bet you can succeed at that," but man, is that not what I expected from Arnold's bastard son. It must infuriate his legitimate children, too. Not only are they overshadowed by their father, but they're now also overshadowed by Baena. Poor guy.
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood: I've never been to a Planet Hollywood, I think? Google says the nearest one to me right now is in LAX. Boy oh boy, do I have no interest in eating at a theme restaurant at LAX.

Get Out
President Schwarzeneggar (The Simpsons Movie)
Terminator vs Jesus: I watched the whole thing. The actor looks nothing like Arnold at all, his body is just a normal man's body, and he can't do the accent at all. Like, that's the important part of Arnold parodies. You need to look like a giant walking slab of meat AND you need to have the accent. This guy just sounds like he's wheezing or something. Anyway, the idea of Jesus trying to get himself killed to redeem mankind, only for Arnold to constantly save him IS funny, but the only actually funny part is when he kills the Roman soldiers.
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill): Man, this is the most tangential Arnold connection ever, but okay. I mean, that's kind of cool, I guess? I didn't know about this connection. But like... who cares? I mean, honestly, does it matter where they got the basis for the elementary school in Silent Hill? Isn't Silent Hill set in a small town, and Kindergarten Cop is in a big city? Shouldn't their elementary schools look nothing alike?
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser): I've never seen Eraser, so I have no idea how good a movie it is. I assume it's the hidden seventh-best Arnold film, of course. This looks like a perfectly serviceable sci-fi gun, with nothing interesting about it at all.

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Last Action Hero
The Last Stand (2013): This is probably the best post-2000 Arnold movie, although I admit to not having seen Maggie or the Rundown. It's still a little too cutesy, but as far as Arnold's return to form after leaving politics, it's bearable. It's honestly better than some of Prime Arnold's material. I think it semi-succeeds because it doesn't play into Arnold being Arnold TOO much, and it keeps the plot very simple and clear (as opposed to those Terminator sequels, which like, GOD). If this had been Arnold's last movie, and then he retired afterward, I might even like it. But I'm not saying it's good. It's just okay.
Predator (NES): I briefly watched a playthrough of this on youtube. It looks like the most generic sidescrolling Contra-esque shooter I've ever seen in my life. They aren't even attempting to make it seem like Predator, you just fight giant bugs and plants and stuff. I know it's the NES, so you're limited in what you can do, but like, I expect the final boss in your PRedator game to be the Predator. Instead, it's the Predator's giant head that flies around shooting laser balls at you.
Mortal Kombat
The Expendables 1
The New Celebrity Apprentice: I have never watched The Apprentice, except for like fifteen minutes forever ago, where I watched a guy admit that he'd screwed up, and Trump immediately fired him. Remember when Trump tried to trademark "you're fired?" Anyway, pre-presidency, Arnold actually probably did have more fame than Trump, so he was a logical choice to replace him. Then after one season, Arnold was like "I don't want to be associated with Trump lol bye," and I don't blame him. Ugh, according to Wikipedia, he "terminated" people instead of firing them, and instead of sending them away in a cab or limo, sent them away in a helicopter while telling them to "get to the choppa." Jesus Christ, Arnold, you're the only person on Earth who's a parody of himself.
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze: God, what do I even say? People make fun of Arnold's ice puns a lot, but they're not even very memorable. Rainier Wolfcastle's "Ice to see you" is way better than any of them. And it's like, the logic of Mr. Freeze as a character is that he's a nerdy scientist man who's not a physical threat until he puts on his giant freezing suit, but it's Arnold, a man who is the size of six regular men. Possibly the greatest miscasting of all time, and he's in a movie with George Clooney as Batman, Uma Thurman as Poison Ivy, Clueless Girl as Batgirl, and... who the hell played Robin? Chris O'Donnell? I have not seen any of his other movies besides Batman Forever. And I distinctly remember as a kid watching this, and the ending of the movie is that Arnold realizes that Poison Ivy tried to murder his wife, and shows up in her jail cell in his suit and is like "I'm your new cellmate lol time for revenge," and I was like, what kind of joke is that? Is that meant to be a rape joke? I'd say I think they didn't think it through, but they didn't think anything through in that movie. God, that movie.