Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Arnold Schwarzenegger-related with write-ups (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

No finish I'm gonna sneak one last one in for the last set

Killing Gunther
(Or any non ranked movie released after 2010 that you've seen if you haven't seen it)

Rank who your dad is and what he does

MarkS2222222222 posted...

Rank who your dad is and what he does

What is this?

Anagram posted...

What is this?

https://youtu.be/lLl0DVzRksk?si=t-dEs-Y1jOUcMk5L

Wait are we ending soon? I was next going to suggest ranking Arnie's son-in-law Chris Pratt!

I'll nominate Chris Pratt then.

I didn't like Dark Fate much, but it seems the stuff you hated most about it is precisely what I liked most. Though tbf beyond that the best I can say about the movie is it was...watchable? It also somehow feels more respectful of the first two movies than any of the Terminator films in between do, albeit with the caveat that I have not seen Salvation fully at all and it has been a long time since I saw T3. So I guess I thought Genisys was so bad that Dark Fate couldn't help but look better in comparison.

I will finish this up, probably tomorrow.

Come With Me If You Want To Live
Arnold's Accent
Muscleboundness
T-1000
Terminator 2: Judgment Day
Conan the Barbarian (Film)
Predator
Total Recall
Ahnald Voice
"Considdeh Dat a Divorce"
The Terminator (Film)
Bodybuilding
Commando
Arnold Schwarzenegger (Name): I spoke earlier about how Arnold is a cartoon character. Everything about him is ridiculous and insane. His body looks like no one else on Earth, he's stupidly handsome, and his accent is absurd even if you speak German. Even his career, bodybuilder, is the butt of jokes for being among the silliest jobs in the world, and the idea that he went from bodybuilder-to-actor-to-governor in another country is even more insane. But one thing I didn't go over is his name. Even his name is wacky, following the tried-and-true method of 'one normal name, one wacky name.' Like, I said this before, but my brother-in-law is German, and I've met some Germans with crazy long names. I haven't met Arnold, but he falls squarely into that category. I mean, four syllables isn't THAT long, but it's a really long name when written out, and it's very hard to spell. That's the key, I think, is that his name is weird and long and foreign. He didn't need to be German, he could have been anything (imagine if Arnold was Italian, and named Arnold Riccodionomori or something), but a key component of who he is to the world is how ridiculous his last name is, and how boring and ordinary his first name is.

Hasta La Vista, Baby
Shotgun Flip Reload
Conan the Barbarian (Character)
Tracking Device Removal Scene (Total Recall)
Jackie Chan
Skynet
Phil Hartman: Oh, huh, he went to the same university I did. I have no idea what his connection to Arnold is, though? ... he played the villain in Jingle All The Way? Wow, that's a pretty weak link, but okay, I've allowed weaker. Obviously, the thing we all know him best for is being Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure. Is it a coincidence that the show went to crap after season 10 or so, and he died during the tenth season? ... probably. But everyone loves Lionel Hutz and Troy McClure, they were so good, and they're definitely two of the three best Simpsons characters to ever be retired (poor Apu). He might have the most dramatic death of any Hollywood actor, too. Wow, I did not know until I read this article about this whole thing where Lon Lovitz blamed Andy Dick for introducing the wife to cocaine and slammed his head into a bar. What a goddamned sad end.
Thumbs Up
Austria (Nation)
"Get to da Choppa!"
Taking to the Air (Sega CD)
Rainier Wolfcastle
7-time Mr. Olympia Winner

Do Eet! Do Eet Now!
The Running Man
President Schwarzenegger (Demolition Man)
Jorgen von Strangle
Pumping Iron
"I'll be Back"
Arnold, Wilt Chamberlain, and Andre the Giant Photo
FUBAR (Show): For you, I went ahead and watched the first episode only. It's fine. I didn't hate it. Better than anything I can remember Arnold doing since the 90s. I enjoy how Arnold is only now retiring from being an action CIA guy in his 70s. Did anyone see that movie where Clint Eastwood is in his 90s, playing a character in his 50s, and casually beats up men in their 20s, then marries a woman in her 40s? Best comedy of the year.
Hercules in New York
Arnold Stogie Rant
Predator (Character)
Miles Dyson
The Rundown
Terminator Fatalities
Dwayne Johnson
Thor Sverbjornilingen
T2: The Arcade Game

See You At Da Party, Richtah
Ivan Reitman
Crystal Beef Arnold Mammoth
LinkMarioSamus
Governorship of California
Arnold's Wikipedia Page
"Poot Dat Cookie Down, Now!": Jingle All the Way is toward the start of the Dark Arnold Era. Honestly, it probably IS for the best that Arnold transitioned to comedy, and did that poorly, than continuing to make straight-faced action movies. Those would have gotten boring, too, so this sort of does give him more range. I said before that Arnold was just a product of his era. His career would have been better-served by him dying in like 1992, immediately after Terminator 3. Again, yes, the humor of this quote is derived by the absurdity of the statement juxtaposed against Arnold's hatred for the man trying to boink his wife, who is now committing the ultimate sin of cookie theft. One thing I didn't remember about this quote is that Arnold says it into a phone booth. God, remember phone booths?
Joseph Baena
Arnold Pipe
Planet Hollywood
Conan the Destroyer
Barnold Shortsinator: Apparently, his japanese name is Harnnold Dogegenchongegger, which, fine. Yeah, so this is just Arnold in the anime, being in movies like "Conan the Red Bull" and "Last Action Predator," that's fine. It's just Arnold, but in anime format, and his goal is to train bodybuilders so he can have a competition against worthy opponents. That's fine. What I want to focus on is how he's voiced by the same guy who dubs Arnold into Japanese. I'd never thought about this before: besides English and German, which are voiced by Arnold, do other languages' translations attempt to preserve his bizarre accent? I have no idea.
Red Sonya
Mildred Baena: Is Mildred the definitive old lady name? I guess it's like Agnes or Ethel or something. Poor woman. She was just some woman from Guatemala who came to California and became a maid. Imagine being the maid for a rich and famous celebrity, and bragging about it to your friends, and then you're suddenly catapulted into worldwide fame because people learn you had his secret bastard son. I'm sure Mildred Baena is just a normal, perfectly nice woman, and I'm sure that if you're a maid, and the world's most famous actor is interested in you (and he's your boss), you'll do whatever he says. But damn, imagine being forever known as the woman who broke up Arnold's marriage. The Yoko Ono of maids.

Get Out
"Who Is Yerr Daddeh and What Does He Do?": Again, yeah, of course, the humor here is derived from big scary Arnold, well-known as a big badass, saying stupid things to little kids. Imagine if this was just a random actor instead of Arnold. Do kids today even know who Arnold is/was? I mentioned his name to one of my ninth-grade students once, and she had no idea, and when I showed picture, she said "oh, the Terminator," and that's all she knew.
The 6th Day
Kindergarten Cop Boy/Girl Quote: The joke that launched a thousand anti-trans memes thirty years later. I like how the video has to turn off comments. Ah, what a shame. The joke itself is fine, the humor being derived from having a tiny kid say "penis" and "vagina," and Arnold's flat, annoyed reaction. I don't blame the movie for this quote became, it's not like they could have known. And this *is* one of the few jokes in the movie anyone remembers.
President Schwarzenegger (The Simpsons Movie)
ERB: Terminator vs Robocop
Terminator vs Jesus
Terminator 2 (NES)
Midwich Elementary School (Silent Hill)
EM-1 Railgun (Eraser)
Bloody Brad (Metal Gear)
Anagram Ranks Anything Arnold Schwarzenegger-related with write-ups: Obviously, this is the greatest literary contribution to mankind since the Bible.
Cottage Cheese
John Connor: Poor, poor John Connor. You're just inherently less interesting than your mother, and the series has never known what to do with you. John's entire purpose as a character is to be the perfect man who does everything right... in the future. He's not really a character. You see him for five seconds at the start of the second movie, and he just looks like a grizzled middle-aged man, and that's all he had to be, and it's all he should have been. In the first movie, he doesn't even show up at all. Young John Connor as a kid is surely the best they could have possibly done. Here he is at his lowest, not yet believing in his destiny, trying to act tough and cool, but obviously having no idea what he's doing, and ultimately changing the timeline so he'll never even become a badass at all. Again, John's not really the focus of the movie? He's the closest thing to a main character we get, but the character development is reserved for Arnold, who slowly learns about humanity, and the pathos is reserved for Sarah Connor. By comparison, John is there. He's just the thing they need to protect. Then T3 rolls around, and yikes, now he's a drug-addled crazy homeless guy. Not necessarily ruinous to his character, but it's not good. T4 makes him Soldier Man, and honestly? It's not the worst. It basically works fine. I won't call it flawless, but T4 isn't terrible in its portrayal of John. T6 just murders John in the first five seconds of the movie to replace him with... girl? Whatever that girl's name is. What a gyp, not only getting killed, but the timeline warping to literally replace you. And T5, that's the ultimate "we have no idea what we're doing" moment. They want to portray Sarah Connor as this badass, but they just have no idea how to balance that against the fact that she's fated to give birth to the savior, so their solution is to turn John Connor into a robot zombie of himself and the main villain. No one after T2 has known what the hell to do with this character, and I don't blame them, honestly. The thing is that T2 should have just been the last movie. Not just the last Terminator movie, but the last movie altogether. Hollywood can just end after T2, honestly.
Soundboard Pranks

I'm Going to Kill You Last
Schwarzenegger-Stallone Rivalry
Red Heat
Dolph Lundgren
Dutch (Aliens vs Predator Arcade Game)
Total Recall (NES)
Last Action Hero
End of Days
The Last Stand (2013)
Lunar's Dad (My Bride is a Mermaid)
Predator (NES)
Termination: Salvation
Raw Deal
Japanese Arnold Commercial
Mortal Kombat
Arnold's Future
Kindergarten Cop
Come with Me if You Want to Lift Shirt
Twins
The Expendables 1
Escape Plan
The New Celebrity Apprentice
Austrian Death Machine

To HELL With You!
Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines
Harlan Ellison's Plagiarism Lawsuit against Terminator 1
Tommy Tallarico
Jingle All the Way
Termination: Genisys
Terminator: Dark Fate
The Expendables 2 and 3: Well, Lopen nominated a movie I haven't seen, but specified that I could replace it with any other post-2010 Arnold movie. The only other Arnold movies from that time period I've seen are the Expendables ones, so here we go. I already complained about this series before, but I'll say it again: the joke here, of all the 80s badasses coming together as old men, only works if you have Stallone, van Damme, Seagal, and Arnold all working together as a team, each with roughly equal screen time. You need them each to show off their unique fighting style, like Arnold stands in a field and shoots a machine gun while not being hit, and van Damme does martial arts stuff, and Seagal lazily ducks out of a corner and shoots a gun twice. That's how the joke works. And that's another thing, it needs to be roughly equal screen time for them all. Arnold in these movies is just a cameo. He has more time in Expendables 3, where he actually shows up at the end and shoots guns and people, but these movies are just so pathetic. Imagine being pathetic that even Arnold won't be in them. It's a bad idea to start with, but the pure idea of a world that operates on 80s movie logic where normal people are in their own world, like a stupider version of John Wick, could be cool, you could probably do something with that. Expendables 3 is worse than the first two, too, because although it's got more Arnold (he shows up for ten minutes instead of just two), it's PG-13 instead of R. Expendables 4, which is still in theaters, is godawful. Not only does Arnold not show up even for a cameo, the only old badass they could get back besides Stallone is Dolph Lundgren. Dolph Lundgren wasn't even a proper action movie badass, he was famous for being the bad guy in ONE movie.
Pumping Up with Hans & Franz (SNL)
Conan O'Brien's Arnold via Satellite Skits
Mr. Freeze

Alright everyone, thanks for being part of the topic. No idea what I'll do next.

Thanks for the topic, Anagram. Would you mind listing the lesser arnoldcore movies?

Really surprised you never watched True Lies. It's usually considered one of his best

Yeah. True Lies is in my Arnoldcore

Dolph Lundgren also starred in Masters of the Universe, The Punisher, Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo, and Universal Soldier. He had a niche as an action star in his own right! Maybe people associate the first two movies with their IPs and the last two with his co-stars Brandon Lee and Jean-Claude Van Damme respectively?

redrocket posted...

Thanks for the topic, Anagram. Would you mind listing the lesser arnoldcore movies?

Within tiers, ordered only by year, not quality.

• Greater Arnoldcore: Conan the Barbarian, The Terminator, Commando, Predator, Total Recall, Terminator 2
• Lesser Arnoldcore: Conan the Destroyer, Red Sonya, The Running Man, Red Heat, Last Action Hero, Last Stand, The 6th Day
• Bad Arnoldcore: Raw Deal, Twins, Kindergarten Cop, Junior, Jingle All The Way, Batman and Robin, End of Days, Collateral Damage, Terminator 3, Terminator 5, Terminator 6
• Defies Categorization: Hercules in New York, Pumping Iron

MacArrowny posted...

Really surprised you never watched True Lies. It's usually considered one of his best

It's just one of those movies that slips by you. I'll get around to it eventually.

LinkMarioSamus posted...

Dolph Lundgren also starred in Masters of the Universe, The Punisher, Red Scorpion, Showdown in Little Tokyo, and Universal Soldier. He had a niche as an action star in his own right! Maybe people associate the first two movies with their IPs and the last two with his co-stars Brandon Lee and Jean-Claude Van Damme respectively?

Being associated with Masters of the Universe isn't something to be proud of! Though I forgot about Universal Soldier. If we're comparing him to Arnold, he's still like way, way below anything Arnold has done. At least Stallone has Demolition Man.

Yeah my arnoldcores are pretty much identical to yours except

- Running Man in Greater Arnoldcore
- True Lies somewhere at the lower end of Greater or higher end of Lesser

So yeah I would definitely say True Lies is worth a watch and I'm fairly certain you'd like it decently much too since I think we vibe on Arnold Fandom fairly well.

I'll definitely watch it, then, thanks.

Ok, we'll keep this alive until you've seen True Lies, Eraser, and Junior

Yeah I also wanted to suggest ranking the magnetic rail guns from Eraser. TBF they're probably the one thing anyone remembers that movie for, never mind being endlessly imitated in works like Metal Gear.

MarkS2222222222 posted...

Ok, we'll keep this alive until you've seen True Lies, Eraser, and Junior

Oh, okay, fine, I'll try to watch True Lies. No promises on Eraser or Junior, though.

Eraser isn't worth watching really but it's probably watchable. Like it's probably better than most of the trash tier but I would never say to someone "you need to watch Eraser!"

I haven't seen Junior either