Poll of the Day > Not the Onion 2023 edition - silly news and bungery

(+) Yeah! (+)

Something something dick move something else.

Denver Residents Could Earn $1,000 Masturbating as Part of Orgasm Advisory Job

https://www.westword.com/news/masturbate-orgasm-advisory-board-denver-applications-lovehoney-16727151

Wizard of the Coast send mercenaries/hired goons after MTG buyer who accidentally got a set early

https://gizmodo.com/magic-the-gathering-leaks-wizards-wotc-pinkertons-1850374546

Man gets life sentence for 9th DWI

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=NHuvKDL7xF8

Educators outraged after attorneys argue 1st-grade teacher shot in school is workplace injury

https://www.yahoo.com/news/educators-outraged-attorneys-argue-1st-174400860.html

Has a funny picture

https://www.lehighvalleylive.com/news/2023/05/500-pounds-of-cooked-pasta-was-dumped-along-nj-stream-its-now-a-local-political-issue.html

Florida

https://www.wftv.com/news/local/florida-lawmakers-pass-bill-allowing-radioactive-material-be-built-into-florida-roads/GOCH74D4A5C2VAJDFKQQEPCVK4/

Why though?

Neighbor shoots 14-year-old as kids play hide and seek outside, Louisiana cops say

https://www.sunherald.com/news/nation-world/national/article275197271.html

So, one of your employees is pregnant... do you have to claim the fetus as an employee on your tax forms?

https://www.kcur.org/health/2023-05-09/a-missouri-agency-tried-to-classify-a-fetus-as-an-employee-raising-concerns-about-personhood-laws

"Republican Senator proposes putting armed grandparents on campus to deter school shooters"

https://www.yahoo.com/entertainment/sen-marsha-blackburn-proposes-armed-111729984.html

An army of protective grandparents!

That sounds like a hot new show on Primetime

Meanwhile, in one of the Irelands

https://www.southernstar.ie/news/man-pulled-down-his-pants-and-invited-the-gardai-to-search-his-ass-4197112

Embattled Rep. George Santos co-sponsors unemployment fraud bill after being charged with that crime

https://abcnews.go.com/Politics/santos-sponsoring-bill-fight-crime-accused/story?id=99254557

South Carolina man sues police after being shot at 47 times during mental crisis

https://www.live5news.com/2023/05/10/south-carolina-man-sues-police-after-being-shot-47-times-during-mental-crisis/

Oh, more Santos silliness

https://www.citizensforethics.org/legal-action/legal-complaints/there-is-reason-to-believe-that-george-santos-treasurer-does-not-exist/

Inflation is hitting even the silicon valley

https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/ibm-employee-on-sick-leave-for-15-years-sues-company-for-no-pay-rise-4033253

oh hey, Santos again

https://www.sun-sentinel.com/2023/05/13/desantis-ramps-up-executions-as-bid-for-president-nears/

Lokarin posted...

Inflation is hitting even the silicon valley

https://www.ndtv.com/world-news/ibm-employee-on-sick-leave-for-15-years-sues-company-for-no-pay-rise-4033253

How does one even get that much sick leave in the first place?

Police officer calls the police on police officers invading his home

https://www.cbsnews.com/detroit/news/2-women-charged-in-roseville-home-invasion-were-detroit-police-officers/

https://www.canberratimes.com.au/story/8200477/bouncy-castle-king-jailed-for-burning-down-rivals/

American political ads are weird

https://www.cnn.com/2023/05/19/us/military-veteran-migrants-hotel-new-york-false-claims/index.html

Iraqi cleric accuses Mossad of assassinating Imam Ali, 1,300 years ago

https://www.i24news.tv/en/news/middle-east/iran-eastern-states/1684333361-an -iraqi-official-accuses-the-mossad-of-assassinating-imam-ali-1300-years-ago

also, the picture of the mosque on the right I thought was a hamburger cuz I wasn't lookin' right

Link way too long:

> Duluth landlord charged with intentionally setting apartment ablaze while blasting 'We Didn't Start The Fire'

https://redd.it/13r603q

State lawmakers WANT children to work

https://www.4029tv.com/article/state-lawmakers-child-labor-arkansas-iowa-wisconsin-ohio/44003727#

heh

https://www.theedge.co.nz/home/whats-good/2023/05/the-great-barrier-reef-has-chlamydia-but-science-reckons-it-could-actually-be-a-good-thing.html

If your steam profile contains the word "antidisestablishmentarianism" you will be soft-banned because their server host has that word on their blacklist

EDIT: Do not attempt, there is no current recovery method - Steam is working on it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8mvWiNs30M

Lokarin posted...

If your steam profile contains the word "antidisestablishmentarianism" you will be soft-banned because their server host has that word on their blacklist

EDIT: Do not attempt, there is no current recovery method - Steam is working on it

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=l8mvWiNs30M

Why the fuck would that be a banned word?

An 11 year old called police, they arrived and shot him

https://www.npr.org/2023/05/26/1178398395/mississippi-11-year-old-boy-called-police-shot

Twitter pulls out of voluntary EU disinformation code

https://www.cnn59.com/2023/05/twitter-pulls-out-of-voluntary-eu.html

Defending their right to lie, I guess

Bruh

>Rhode Island city councilman found asleep behind the wheel with crack pipe still in hand

https://abc7.com/cranston-rhode-island-city-councilman-matthew-reilly/13271785/

> Pedro Pascal Got an Infection After Years of Letting Game of Thrones Fans Put Their Thumbs in His Eye

https://www.indiewire.com/news/breaking-news/pedro-pascal-game-of-thrones-fans-game-me-eye-infection-1234868484/

Woman called police after thieves hit a metro Lululemon store, she was then fired

It was against store policy to call for help

https://www.wsbtv.com/news/local/gwinnett-county/metro-woman-says-she-was-fired-trying-stop-thieves-stealing-clothes-store/RKCM2XKT6RCQDEA34TMYYCFGD4/

What a weird policy

LinkPizza posted...

What a weird policy

Apparently Blockbuster video had the same policy

11 month old baby dies when left in a car for 3 hours as both parents attend church

https://abcnews.go.com/US/11-month-girl-dies-after-left-car-3/story?id=99699492

Thoughts an---*dragged out and beaten up*

Lokarin posted...

Apparently Blockbuster video had the same policy

They did. I used to work there. The only time they were called is when management found them embezzling.

slacker03150 posted...

They did. I used to work there. The only time they were called is when management found them embezzling.

Thats probably why they didnt want them called, Im guessing

This one's a little hard to get the sources on...

A building in Davenport, Iowa partially collapsed

https://www.ctvnews.ca/world/no-fatalities-reported-in-iowa-as-officials-plan-to-demolish-partially-collapsed-building-1.6417725

However, the bungery comes in when you look at the building inspectors:

They changed their "pass" rating to a "fail" rating AFTER the collapse

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/7/2/5/AADnJsAAEhul.jpg

'It's not fair': Group feeding the homeless outside Houston Public Library hit with 29 citations

https://abc13.com/food-not-bombs-houston-homeless-volunteer-group-cited-city-of-public-library-for/13325575/

Serbians boycotted their election, and lost the election cuz none of them voted. They're now protesting the Albanian mayors who won the elections... with 3.5% of the vote (no one voted)

derrrrrrrrrrrrrrr

Republican senator says I dont want reality in hearing on race and education

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2023/jun/01/republican-senator-i-dont-want-reality

Lokarin posted...

'It's not fair': Group feeding the homeless outside Houston Public Library hit with 29 citations

https://abc13.com/food-not-bombs-houston-homeless-volunteer-group-cited-city-of-public-library-for/13325575/

No wonder they were cited. They were giving away vegetarian meals in Texas.

https://twitter.com/JuliaDavisNews/status/1664317879527915529

The Bible is banned in these Utah elementary and middle schools now for vulgarity or violence

https://www.sltrib.com/news/education/2023/06/01/bible-is-banned-these-utah/

The FDA says people are confusing poppers with energy shots, and dying. Experts want proof

https://www.cbc.ca/news/health/fda-poppers-energy-shots-warning-1.6863960

Insurance companies now declining policies because of climate change

https://www.vox.com/climate/23746045/state-farm-california-climate-change-insurance-wildfire-florida-flood