Poll of the Day > r/nottheonion post of the day

(+) Yeah! (+)

Lokarin posted...

Taliban demands Russia make peace

https://www.newsweek.com/taliban-calls-russia-ukraine-peace-fear-civilians-afghanistan-1682616

The fucking irony.

Blue Honey mystery solved... bees were high on M&Ms

https://twistedsifter.com/2021/06/blue-honey-mystery-solved-as-bees-found-visiting-local-mm-factory/

Lokarin posted...

Blue Honey mystery solved... bees were high on M&Ms

https://twistedsifter.com/2021/06/blue-honey-mystery-solved-as-bees-found-visiting-local-mm-factory/

They should sell it.

What's worse:

An assistant principal for reading children's book to children
https://www.wbrc.com/2022/03/09/assistant-principal-fired-after-reading-childrens-book-class/

Or the director of Black Panther being arrested because someone thought he was a bank robber
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-60685146

or... wage cages
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_hrTsswfmg&t=0s

Lokarin posted...

What's worse:

An assistant principal for reading children's book to children
https://www.wbrc.com/2022/03/09/assistant-principal-fired-after-reading-childrens-book-class/

Or the director of Black Panther being arrested because someone thought he was a bank robber
https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us-canada-60685146

or... wage cages
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_hrTsswfmg&t=0s

You'll find worse.

India "accidentally" launches missile at Pakistan

https://www.swissinfo.ch/eng/india-says-it-accidentally-fired-missile-into-pakistan/47423784

Snake prime suspect in shooting, until police proved it couldn't hold a gun

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ben-renick-murder-lynlee-renick-missouri-snake-breeder/

Lokarin posted...

Snake prime suspect in shooting, until police proved it couldn't hold a gun

https://www.cbsnews.com/news/ben-renick-murder-lynlee-renick-missouri-snake-breeder/

Did you even read the article? Your comment is extremely misleading. There's nothing strange in the story.

Accrovideogames posted...

Did you even read the article? Your comment is extremely misleading. There's nothing strange in the story.

it's kind of a game of telephone

Lok: Snake prime suspect in shooting, until police proved it couldn't hold a gun

Headline: A snake is eyed as the culprit in man's death until cops realize it can't pull a trigger

Actual: a man is thought to have been killed by snakes until gun casings and gun shot wounds are found

Ford is now a video game company

https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/14/business/ford-gm-eliminate-options-chip-shortage/index.html

Lokarin posted...

Ford is now a video game company

You know what would be great? If they abandoned the idea of making our vehicles autonomous death machines and went back to producing pure mechanical vehicles that can't be hacked by a twelve year old.

KodyKeir posted...

You know what would be great? If they abandoned the idea of making our vehicles autonomous death machines and went back to producing pure mechanical vehicles that can't be hacked by a twelve year old.

12 year olds can't hack a car.

Revelation34 posted...

12 year olds can't hack a car.

Yet But probably will be able to soon

Lokarin posted...

Ford is now a video game company

https://www.cnn.com/2022/03/14/business/ford-gm-eliminate-options-chip-shortage/index.html

They have been once since 1987:

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/The_Ford_Simulator

OOOOPS!

https://www.theguardian.com/us-news/2022/mar/14/ever-forward-container-ship-aground-us

Lokarin posted...

Ford is now a video game company

What an awesome joke. This isn't sarcasm, I'm dead serious.

This is just kids being kids, but it's still cute-funny

https://www.iflscience.com/plants-and-animals/40-percent-of-american-kids-think-hot-dogs-and-bacon-are-plants/

The team believes that part of the poor knowledge could be due to parents withholding knowledge about where meat comes from, believing it to be too gruesome for children to learn at such a young age.

I mean, pretty likely, but how much of that is parents actually switching to plant based foods.

47 percent of the 176 participants believed that french fries came from animals... Popcorn and almonds were also commonly misclassified [as animal-based], each by more than 30% of children,

nvm, they just ignorant.

Only 47%? With 54% of adult Americans being illiterate, I'm surprised the kids ranked so high. The education system in the US is extremely flawed.

It's also an incredibly small sample size, so it's hard to say it's actually reflective of the total population, but also lead piping for water distribution, so 50/50.

Someone took the fork in the road

https://ottawa.ctvnews.ca/fork-in-the-road-goes-missing-from-eastern-ontario-town-1.5823111

Video game company Ford decides to destroy black community

https://themountain.news/news/predominantly-black-town-ordered-to-surrender-charter-after-ford-invests-in-area

Lokarin posted...

Video game company Ford decides to destroy black community

https://themountain.news/news/predominantly-black-town-ordered-to-surrender-charter-after-ford-invests-in-area

Is this actually a legally binding order that they have to? The letter in the article makes it sound more like they just "should."

Doe posted...

Is this actually a legally binding order that they have to? The letter in the article makes it sound more like they just "should."

It's not a thing they 'have to', it's more like a very strong economic pressure... like when companies build skyscrapers next to huts.

Little-known 1922 law bans jazz in New Orleans schools

https://www.ctvnews.ca/entertainment/little-known-1922-law-bans-jazz-in-new-orleans-schools-1.5833475

Please stop posting clickbait headlines that don't reflect the articles. We want actually ridiculous news stories that could have been made by The Onion, not completely mundane ones that just so happen to have ridiculous but misleading headlines.

Accrovideogames posted...

Please stop posting clickbait headlines that don't reflect the articles.

That's the topic, that's literally the topic

Lokarin posted...

That's the topic, that's literally the topic

I edited more information in my post. I didn't expect you to reply so quickly. The Onion never uses misleading headlines. Their videos always reflect the headlines.

Accrovideogames posted...

I edited more information in my post. I didn't expect you to reply so quickly.

I have no life and wasn't in-game at the time

71yo man charged with a felony for making a pickleball court (link too long, so here's the reddit)

https://redd.it/tp5l6d

Lokarin posted...

71yo man charged with a felony for making a pickleball court

He destroyed an indoor basketball court by drawing on the shiny wooden floor with a permanent black marker. What he did was vandalism. He deserves the criminal charge. However, I do agree with the lawyer in the video that having the pickleball community pay for the repairs and have them do community work in exchange for the man's exoneration sounds reasonable. Not only does it spare the government from spending a lot of money in court, but it also punishes the people responsible by teaching them through experience the cost of defacing property like that. Plus the city gets a bunch of people doing unpaid work. No one gains anything by prosecuting him like that when there's a much better solution to the problem.

Better article: https://denverite.com/2022/03/18/pickleball-problems-central-park-man-banned-possibly-charged-for-drawing-pickleball-lines-on-rec-center-court/

It's not what I would call The Onion like. Please do better.

Accrovideogames posted...

He destroyed an indoor basketball court by drawing on the shiny wooden floor with a permanent black marker. What he did was vandalism. He deserves the criminal charge. However, I do agree with the lawyer in the video that having the pickleball community pay for the repairs and have them do community work in exchange for the man's exoneration sounds reasonable. Not only does it spare the government from spending a lot of money in court, but it also punishes the people responsible by teaching them through experience the cost of defacing property like that. Plus the city gets a bunch of people doing unpaid work. No one gains anything by prosecuting him like that when there's a much better solution to the problem.

Better article: https://denverite.com/2022/03/18/pickleball-problems-central-park-man-banned-possibly-charged-for-drawing-pickleball-lines-on-rec-center-court/

It's not what I would call The Onion like. Please do better.

With a good quality scrubber it would be easy to remove.

Exxon's plan to reduce emissions includes mining crypto

https://www.cnbc.com/2022/03/26/exxon-mining-bitcoin-with-crusoe-energy-in-north-dakota-bakken-region.html

Lokarin posted...

Innocence not enough to remove prisoner from death row

https://theintercept.com/2021/12/30/barry-jones-arizona-supreme-court/?fbclid=IwAR1kMC3lFBZaZwe954Bhxkl-jqaPG5UZp0vZZTj80eBKvV-9otipL89ucVY

I've heard a very similar line to this in the past.

Apparently someone whom I worked with in the past got to experience this up close and it shook him to the core.

Does your printer paper have DRM?

https://www.zdnet.com/article/dymo-causes-a-stir-by-adding-drm-to-printer-paper/

I mean, my first printer had feed strips or whatever that were square so they couldn't be loaded by any pin-feed printer or whatever they're called so IDK

Lokarin posted...

Does your printer paper have DRM?

https://www.zdnet.com/article/dymo-causes-a-stir-by-adding-drm-to-printer-paper/

I mean, my first printer had feed strips or whatever that were square so they couldn't be loaded by any pin-feed printer or whatever they're called so IDK

"Well, since Section 1201 of the Digital Millennium Copyright Act exposes those who might try to circumvent such DRM to the possibility of huge fine"

You're not going to get fined for using different paper, LMAO. Copyright infringement has nothing to do with this.

Revelation34 posted...

You're not going to get fined for using different paper, LMAO. Copyright infringement has nothing to do with this.

It's the same bull that the auto industry (and John Deere) keeps trying to pull with the insistence you have to use their mechanic to preform even the simplest of maintenance jobs.

KodyKeir posted...

It's the same bull that the auto industry (and John Deere) keeps trying to pull with the insistence you have to use their mechanic to preform even the simplest of maintenance jobs.

The article specifically mentioned an act that has to do with copyright infringement.

Revelation34 posted...

The article specifically mentioned an act that has to do with copyright infringement.

Yes, the argument in this case being that if you were to try and circumvent the process of using only certified product for the operation of the printer, the user would be committing an act of piracy.

KodyKeir posted...

Yes, the argument in this case being that if you were to try and circumvent the process of using only certified product for the operation of the printer, the user would be committing an act of piracy.

And the article is wrong.

anti-abortion activist arrested for collecting fetuses

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/5-fetuses-found-in-home-of-dc-anti-abortion-activist-police/3013443/

Lokarin posted...

https://www.nbcwashington.com/news/local/5-fetuses-found-in-home-of-dc-anti-abortion-activist-police/3013443/

That makes literally no sense. I'm very curious to know the conclusion of their investigation to figure out the reason why someone who is anti-abortion is actually collecting dead human fetuses. Is this a case of hypocrisy or is there a logical explanation to such absurdity?

Californian school fall behind in gun education

https://www.npr.org/2022/04/01/1090178116/rocket-launchers-bazooka-grenade-california-middle-school

Lokarin posted...

Californian school fall behind in gun education

This statement has nothing to do with the article you posted, not even the headline. At least it does sound like something The Onion would do, although they would give more emphasis on the fact that it's totally normal to find rocket launchers in trash cans.

Man loses nipples in axe accident

https://www.audacy.com/kluv/latest/teen-loses-nipples-after-spraying-two-cans-of-axe-on-them

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/4/5/AAFUswAADFJ5.jpg

Gonna have to respond to that w/ my stream of consciousness as I read it:

Lokarin posted...

Man loses nipples in axe accident

Oh god, that's horrifying!

loses-nipples-after-spraying-two-cans-of-axe-on-them

...Oh. That's far less grisly than I first thought

Californian wins $10million in lottery, can finally afford a house in California

https://abc7.com/lottery-10-million-scratchers-tarzana/11716971/

streamofthesky posted...

That's absolutely disgusting.
And of course the dip shit that wrote Texas SB 8 is involved, too.
Didn't know about AEDPA before, holy shit what a terrible law! And it was signed by Bill Clinton w/ overwhelming bipartisan support... Seems like taking away our basic human rights is the only cause that unites both parties.

Having watched Making a Murderer and other things like it, I am not surprised the law at times goes out of it's way to confirm that a trial was completely accurate. No matter how many fuck ups or things were ignored or not even investigated during the evidence gathering, being poor is a sure fire way to get railroaded into either a guilty plea or a bullshit trial.

Lokarin posted...

Californian wins $10million in lottery, can finally afford a house in California

https://abc7.com/lottery-10-million-scratchers-tarzana/11716971/

No shit?