Poll of the Day > Well, my boyfriend and I broke up

(+) Yeah! (+)

I would kill for 30% humidity

---

Become a cat lady!

---

Jen0125 posted...

It's been like 30% humidity so we just stay inside.

We scoff at 30% on the east coast. SCOFF!

Today was like 95f with 100% humidity and roaming thunderstorms.

---

Total was BRUTAL here in Maryland/all of the east coast

---

Blightzkrieg posted...

Become a cat lady!

Actually Mando would take the cats they like him better

---

Jen0125 posted...

Actually Mando would take the cats they like him better

Hey, with the way things are today, maybe He'll become a cat lady hehe:)

---

Blightzkrieg posted...

Become a cat lady!

Give it time, damn it.

---

---

HornedLion posted...

lmao

im sorry jen

---

Do you feel you need to be with someone?

---

HornedLion posted...

lmao nice delusion.

---

inloveanddeath0 posted...

Do you feel you need to be with someone?

reading the topic could answer that and then some

---

HornedLion posted...

Lmao aw no

---

inloveanddeath0 posted...

Do you feel you need to be with someone?

No, not anymore. I did feel like that for a long time though.

---

I remember when you got together. Time flies.

---

Yellow posted...

I remember when you got together. Time flies.

Yeah, it's been six years. Lots has happened.

---

I totally understand not wanting kids. I don't want them either.

There was a gal I was on again-off again for over a decade I had to make hate me because no matter how bad I got, she always came back. She was never *not* going to not want kids and it wasn't fair to her to deny her that. She would be an excellent wife and mother, and even in my bad old days it was always an elephant in the room. She harbored the delusion that someday I would change my mind. She really underestimated my desire to kill my biological father's bloodline, which was a shame because she understood deeply every other aspect of my screwed up childhood...but for some reason she thought the kids thing was the one that I'd budge on.

Granted, my cousins fucked up and had kids but I have nothing to do with that side of the family and haven't for 25 years...but that's neither here nor there. It's probably for the best. If 'mando is hell-bent on kids, he's always going to have that resentment and it only grows as time passes. There's no point in being bitter about it. As cliched as it sounds, this is for the better for both of you. I don't blame my ex for wanting kids at all. I just wasn't the man that was going to have them with her or anybody else, and she was never going to accept that and it wasn't right to deny her that. I wish her the best in all honesty, she's a good person, we were just at an impasse where the issue was concerned and that was it. You're not a bad person for it, it is what it is, or was at this point.

---

HornedLion took the time to make that. That deserves points for commitment.

https://i.imgur.com/d1xRyuC.gifv

---

Sorry to hear that. Hope everything works out well for you in the end. Are you staying with him at the house or moving out?

---

SpeeDLeemon posted...

I see. Well that's his problem then. But you should have been more clear and had a conversation. I understand the communication thing, but in a relationship, you just don't not communicate about these kinds of things

I used to bring it up casually on the second or third date or so, and just point out that I was strongly against the idea of marriage or having kids, and that my stance on that was never going to change. Usually along with pointing out that people always say things like "Well, you'll feel different when you're older", but I really, really won't.

That way, girls who factored marriage or kids really strongly in their mental image of what they wanted out of their future life would know better than to waste years on someone who was never going to jibe with their plans, or worse, count on the idea that "Oh, I can change him" or "He'll change his mind eventually if I pester him enough" and just wind up making us both miserable in the long run.

I actually knew I'd found the girl for me when her reaction to that discussion was "Oh God yes, just the idea of having babies makes me think of the Xenomorph in Alien just sort of growing inside you like a parasite."

I definitely understand why that sort of discussion can be really awkward or scary for a lot of people to have (especially the sort who are terrified of dying alone and mostly just willing to settle for anyone who shows interest in them), but it definitely helps keep deeper problems from forming down the line. And it's better to alienate someone you're just starting to get to know than wind up fighting over it with someone you've spent years with later.



Judgmenl posted...

That sucks, isn't it super hard to find people in your 30s?

Not really. Not in the Internet Age.
---

I'm guessing by all the simping in this topic that Jen hasn't hit the wall yet?

sorry to hear that.

---

always a good time to focus on yourself and make yourself happy.

Hope you feel well Jen. You guys seemed close.

Sorry to hear that. You guys seemed good together.

---

WhiskeyDisk posted...

I totally understand not wanting kids. I don't want them either.

There was a gal I was on again-off again for over a decade I had to make hate me because no matter how bad I got, she always came back. She was never *not* going to not want kids and it wasn't fair to her to deny her that. She would be an excellent wife and mother, and even in my bad old days it was always an elephant in the room. She harbored the delusion that someday I would change my mind. She really underestimated my desire to kill my biological father's bloodline, which was a shame because she understood deeply every other aspect of my screwed up childhood...but for some reason she thought the kids thing was the one that I'd budge on.

Granted, my cousins fucked up and had kids but I have nothing to do with that side of the family and haven't for 25 years...but that's neither here nor there. It's probably for the best. If 'mando is hell-bent on kids, he's always going to have that resentment and it only grows as time passes. There's no point in being bitter about it. As cliched as it sounds, this is for the better for both of you. I don't blame my ex for wanting kids at all. I just wasn't the man that was going to have them with her or anybody else, and she was never going to accept that and it wasn't right to deny her that. I wish her the best in all honesty, she's a good person, we were just at an impasse where the issue was concerned and that was it. You're not a bad person for it, it is what it is, or was at this point.

This is exactly it. I feel like we could really make it if things were different but they aren't. We're both pretty sad because we're a pretty good match in all other aspects but this is just to serious to avoid. We both are just crying and spending some time together basically grieving. I wanted to end it before we ended up not liking each other because I want to think fondly of our relationship in the future

DDirtyDastard posted...

I'm guessing by all the simping in this topic that Jen hasn't hit the wall yet?

What do you mean by that? If you're so annoyed by this topic why are you bothering to post in it so much?

---

KogaSteelfang posted...

Sorry to hear that. You guys seemed good together.

For the most part, we were.. That's why it's so sad for us. Neither of us wants to break up but he's going to be 32 this year. He really should be out trying to get his true happiness.

---

Jen0125 posted...

I wanted to end it before we ended up not liking each other because I want to think fondly of our relationship in the future

I think youll still have all those happy moments to look back on...
---

Is adopting totally off the table for you guys, or even fostering? I don't know how you feel about that, or how he feels about it, but it might be a compromise that would work for you both.

---

Sorry to hear that but always stay positive. It doesnt sound like things were going to work out in the long run, so always good to move on sooner rather than later. Now it opens a lot more possibilities for both of you to seek what you truly want and youll both be happier in the long term.

---

Arvs here for you

---

You wanna go to McDonalds with Arv you can have it your way. With Arv

---

ArvTheGreat posted...

You wanna go to McDonalds with Arv you can have it your way. With Arv

She knows that you get any girl pregnant that is withing 6 feet of you automatically and she doesn't want that I think.

---

wolfy42 posted...

Is adopting totally off the table for you guys, or even fostering? I don't know how you feel about that, or how he feels about it, but it might be a compromise that would work for you both.

I do not want to be a mother at all.

---

Ive never truly understood people who dont want kids just because from an evolutionary standpoint thats your whole reason for existence. Whatever makes you happy though. Good luck with everything.

MartianManchild posted...

Ive never truly understood people who dont want kids just because from an evolutionary standpoint thats your whole reason for existence. Whatever makes you happy though. Good luck with everything.

Idk I don't have any maternal instinct

---

Jen0125 posted...

I do not want to be a mother at all.

Understandable, just thought I'd throw it out there as some people don't even think about it at all.

I REALLY wanted to have kids but not until I had a secure place for them etc. I was ok with adopting etc but I never had a stable enough setup (since my wife got sick).

Anyway it's a crazy time right now to find someone at all, but I hope you do find a life partner, doesn't have to be a guy, heck maybe it can be RC:) I really want soemthing like that myself eventually, just a really close friend I do just about everything with. I have some relatives that ended up like that as well.

It may become much more common in the future actually.

---

Simpin ain't easy!

---

MartianManchild posted...

Ive never truly understood people who dont want kids just because from an evolutionary standpoint thats your whole reason for existence. Whatever makes you happy though. Good luck with everything.

I mean, you give up a TON to have kids. For me It would be worth it. I love kids, I love how much joy they have in the world. I love that new things are so exciting to them etc. I would have loved to be a father. But for many it's just a freakton of work, loss of privacy, loss of freedom, seriously expensive etc.

We are nowhere near needing more kids to continue our race, so it's honestly just a personal choice if you want children or not. I actually deeply respect people who decide they don't want children and live life without having them, it's not always easy, and it means they have been very responsible. There is nothing worse than being the child of someone who didn't want to have you.

---

Sucks but at least you got to be in a relationship. I havent been in a real one in over a decade and probably never will be again.

Jen0125 posted...

For the most part, we were.. That's why it's so sad for us. Neither of us wants to break up but he's going to be 32 this year. He really should be out trying to get his true happiness.

By strange coincidence, this is about the point in life where I had to make Holly hate me, and I completely understand the "grieving period" in the other post because that's where we were at for about 3 months before the reality sunk in for her. In every other respect, the relationship was perfect but she was always going to want to have kids, she came from a borderline turbo Catholic family, and it was only going to get worse. If she didn't want kids I would have married her 5 years before the ugly end. The only other 2 of my relatively long terms relationships where the girl understood my desire to not have kids were a heroin addict with eating disorders and schizophrenia/seizure disorders...a complete and utter Trainwreck of a human being, and a gold digger that didn't understand I was only working 3 and a half jobs at the time to support a major cocaine habit, not buy her toys.

I never wished Holly any Ill will and will go to the grave defending her desire and ability to have and raise beautiful kids. She'd be an amazing wife and mother. It was just never going to be to me and our kids in that equation and I had to kill a piece of myself to make her understand that after more than a decade on again off again. As much as it pains me to dive back to that mindset and time, I still think I made the right decision.

On the other hand, as far as I can tell she has not married and had kids as things stand now and that makes me sad for her since she's 40 at this point and I question if I wasted too much of her time in the process of realization there, but I still think I made the right decision morally in not denying her the opportunity.

Do you deny them kids and live with that resentment, or have kids you resent? To me that's an easy decision because it wouldn't have been fair to our kids. Plus they'd have the burden of the demons in my bloodline and I was never going to be ok with that, even if she thought she could temper that blade, she couldn't temper mine if I could make her hate me after so long. That's just how I have to write the entire thing off when all is said and done.

I still second guess the call to this day, but lean towards it being the right decision. Her apparent inability to capitalize on the opportunity presented isn't on me, but there is always a twinge of sadness for her when I go there, looking back. It is what it is.

---

gl jen, that sucks

---

Breakups are never easy, sorry. Sounded like you 2 were commited too with the house purchase and all

I knew a married couple that didnt want
kids, the woman changed her mind in her early 30s, they divorced and she got with a co-worker who was playing the field and eventually had kids with her

tl;dr - you might change your mind as you get older

---

10InchNails posted...

Sucks but at least you got to be in a relationship. I havent been in a real one in over a decade and probably never will be again.

Have you considered a good friendship with someone of the same gender? My uncle did that for instance, they pretty much do everything together etc. Especially as you get older company is more important then gender, having someone you enjoy doing things with and that you share things with is way more important than sex etc.

I see it happening more and more, and I may do something like that eventually myself. I don't really care about the gender, but generally it's easier to find a pure "Friend" relationship with someone of your own gender. There are too many expectations if you are opposite genders and it's a tricky landmine filled trip to not hurt a woman's feelings (or a guys i'm sure) that you really like, but don't feel romantic about.


---

JixHedgehog posted...

tl;dr - you might change your mind as you get older

That's not how a very fundamental "not wanting kids" decision from early in life works as time goes on. At all.

There's "I don't want kids now" and there's "I don't want kids, full stop". If you're getting out of a long term relationship because of the having kids issue, it's not a wait and see thing.

---

JixHedgehog posted...

Breakups are never easy, sorry. Sounded like you 2 were commited too with the house purchase and all

I knew a married couple that didnt want
kids, the woman changed her mind in her early 30s, they divorced and she got with a co-worker who was playing the field and eventually had kids with her

tl;dr - you might change your mind as you get older

I've seen people change their minds later in life, or with a different partner more than once. The partner part is often a big part of that, for some reason it just seems to change peoples minds, but age is probably another part of it (they are in a different point in their lives).

I have seen couples get through this too though, for guys they can be a big brother etc, which gives them a relationship with a child, but still allows the wife to be free. In other cases neices/nephews worked to kinda cover both bases (and in one they eventually had kids after spending time with the nieces/nephews enough).

Every relationship is different though, and it's a hard thing to know what you really want, and then stick to it. Even if there is some small chance that you may change in the future, it's not fair to make someone wait just for the chance you might change later, nor is it fair to put the pressure on yourself (or for your partner to put the pressure on you) to change your mind and want kids.

It's sadly best to move on and both find someone who is compatible with your current views, and build a life without having a huge chasm that could cause long term resentment or even cause you to break up later on. It's gotta be a very hard decision, but it's a brave one to make I think.

---

that sucks, dude. Im sorry.

---

PK_Spam posted...

The fuck? Who holds resentment for that when youve clearly been together this long?

Better now then decades into marriage.


---

Sonicplys posted...

Simpin ain't easy!

It's actually pretty fucking easy considering the disgusting land whales I've seen on dating apps that can land a ridiculous amount of thirsty simps (they usually look like sjw soy boys feminists by the way, what a coincidence).

Both group of the equation deserve to be ridiculed, by the way.

---

Jen0125 posted...

But I only need to stay here a couple more years. I'm gonna finish my masters, get a TEFL, and then go teach English overseas after that.

shit my dude fuck the masters just go teach rn those koros aint gonna know what hit em

---