Board 8 > ITT: Vlado lists the strengths and weaknesses of each race.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Take it away, @Vlado
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Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths, bad at reaching things on the top shelf
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Yes. Im dying to hear what you think the strengths are for white people.
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Do we get STABs?
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Espeon posted...

Yes. Im dying to hear what you think the strengths are for white people.

Swimming

white people weaknesses:

1. letting vlado get to them
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You mean real life races?
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Horse races:
+ Horseys
- Probably smells like horse manure
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Raka_Putra posted...

Horse races:
+ Horseys
- Probably smells like horse manure

+ The horses usually have funny names
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Anagram posted...

Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths

yeah, but is that innate, or just a cultural thing

it's like how stereotypically, elves love the forest, while dwarves love being underground; but maybe that's not so much innate inclination as just being comfortable in your childhood home. you gotta wonder how it turns out if, say, a family of dwarves adopts an elf (and the elf isn't pressured to conform to traditional elf norms). does the elf grow up dissatisfied, restless, yearning for nature and sunlight? or does he grow up, like his siblings, to be a boss blacksmith with a moderate case of agoraphobia?
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Gatarix posted...

Anagram posted...

Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths

yeah, but is that innate, or just a cultural thing

it's like how stereotypically, elves love the forest, while dwarves love being underground; but maybe that's not so much innate inclination as just being comfortable in your childhood home. you gotta wonder how it turns out if, say, a family of dwarves adopts an elf (and the elf isn't pressured to conform to traditional elf norms). does the elf grow up dissatisfied, restless, yearning for nature and sunlight? or does he grow up, like his siblings, to be a boss blacksmith with a moderate case of agoraphobia?

Check out Carrot from the Discworld.

As for the topic:

The elves are a lithe, pointy eared people who excel at poverty.
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TexasZea posted...

white people weaknesses:

1. letting vlado get to them

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Gatarix posted...

Anagram posted...

Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths

yeah, but is that innate, or just a cultural thing

it's like how stereotypically, elves love the forest, while dwarves love being underground; but maybe that's not so much innate inclination as just being comfortable in your childhood home. you gotta wonder how it turns out if, say, a family of dwarves adopts an elf (and the elf isn't pressured to conform to traditional elf norms). does the elf grow up dissatisfied, restless, yearning for nature and sunlight? or does he grow up, like his siblings, to be a boss blacksmith with a moderate case of agoraphobia?

I didn't expect this topic to be worth reading but here we are.
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NowItsAngeTime posted...

TexasZea posted...

white people weaknesses:

1. letting vlado get to them

Pretty sure we just had KoolAidShoto post.
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Gatarix posted...

Anagram posted...

Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths

yeah, but is that innate, or just a cultural thing

it's like how stereotypically, elves love the forest, while dwarves love being underground; but maybe that's not so much innate inclination as just being comfortable in your childhood home. you gotta wonder how it turns out if, say, a family of dwarves adopts an elf (and the elf isn't pressured to conform to traditional elf norms). does the elf grow up dissatisfied, restless, yearning for nature and sunlight? or does he grow up, like his siblings, to be a boss blacksmith with a moderate case of agoraphobia?

Dwarves are innately better at living underground than elves or humans because their short height means the tunnels they must dig don't have to be as large. It's a huge evolutionary advantage. Digging tunnels still requires good tools, so the dwarves sexually selected for excellent blacksmithing. Dwarf pornography involves basically nothing except women stretched out over anvils.
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In Tolkien, the races actually WERE created independently

Maybe thats where Vlado gets his ideas
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Elves are more wiry and flexible though and would be better at exploring potential cave systems without committing to fully excavating them.
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Kenri posted...

Elves are more wiry and flexible though and would be better at exploring potential cave systems without committing to fully excavating them.

That's only useful for scouting. If you're going to build a big ol' city, clearly the short height and superior constitution are much more useful. Tiny areas you need to squeeze through are also vulnerable to collapse, further endangering the underground elf.

Elves need to just accept that they're not biologically suited for the underground and keep to their forests.
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But once you've built the big ol' city, elves can get around just fine. They don't have to be the ones excavating new tunnels, they can stay in their smithy or whatever.
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disappointing results so far itt

c'mon vladdy where are ya
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Lopen posted...

Gatarix posted...

Anagram posted...

Dwarves: good at being blacksmiths

yeah, but is that innate, or just a cultural thing

it's like how stereotypically, elves love the forest, while dwarves love being underground; but maybe that's not so much innate inclination as just being comfortable in your childhood home. you gotta wonder how it turns out if, say, a family of dwarves adopts an elf (and the elf isn't pressured to conform to traditional elf norms). does the elf grow up dissatisfied, restless, yearning for nature and sunlight? or does he grow up, like his siblings, to be a boss blacksmith with a moderate case of agoraphobia?

I didn't expect this topic to be worth reading but here we are.

Before going in, I thought this topic was about Mario Kart for some reason. That's enough internet for the night.

Elves are clearly capable of being better blacksmiths than dwarves. It wasn't dwarves who forged the silmarils, after all.
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Hobbits/halflings are short and stocky, too, but are they actually better at anything than dwarves? I mean, sure, there was that one who carried the cursed artifact to the fiery pit of doom, but it seems like all hobbits are good at is eating. They're like the strip mine version of dwarves -- too lazy to dig any deeper.
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Hobbits have a strong sense of loyalty
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hylianknight3 posted...

Elves are clearly capable of being better blacksmiths than dwarves. It wasn't dwarves who forged the silmarils, after all.

Not really fair.... Elves live forever. They get better cause they live so long with practice.

But dwarves are CLEARLY naturally better at forging and blacksmithing.
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I came here for racisim

and you assholes gave me a good topic
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Orcs so underrated.
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hylianknight3 posted...

Elves are clearly capable of being better blacksmiths than dwarves. It wasn't dwarves who forged the silmarils, after all.

Hmm... in Tolkien's mythology sure. Elves are the greatest thing ever. That was at the height of Elven civilization.

It would be nice to hear some opinions on the strength and weaknesses of the Drow.
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Anagram posted...

Kenri posted...

Elves are more wiry and flexible though and would be better at exploring potential cave systems without committing to fully excavating them.

That's only useful for scouting. If you're going to build a big ol' city, clearly the short height and superior constitution are much more useful. Tiny areas you need to squeeze through are also vulnerable to collapse, further endangering the underground elf.

Elves need to just accept that they're not biologically suited for the underground and keep to their forests.

Drow would like a word with you.
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WrestIeMania posted...

hylianknight3 posted...

Elves are clearly capable of being better blacksmiths than dwarves. It wasn't dwarves who forged the silmarils, after all.

Not really fair.... Elves live forever. They get better cause they live so long with practice.

But dwarves are CLEARLY naturally better at forging and blacksmithing.

Great, let's have Dwarfirmative Action.

Dwarves are CLEARLY superior blacksmiths*.

*as long as you don't judge by whose forging and smithing produced more impressive results
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hylianknight3 posted...

WrestIeMania posted...

hylianknight3 posted...

Elves are clearly capable of being better blacksmiths than dwarves. It wasn't dwarves who forged the silmarils, after all.

Not really fair.... Elves live forever. They get better cause they live so long with practice.

But dwarves are CLEARLY naturally better at forging and blacksmithing.

Great, let's have Dwarfirmative Action.

Dwarves are CLEARLY superior blacksmiths*.

*as long as you don't judge by whose forging and smithing produced more impressive results

Let me explain this since you clearly dont get it.

Elves have so many more of their race since THEY DONT DIE!! Because of that they are the best at everything, because they have people who do only one thing for hundreds of years, so even though humans are born better warriors and dwarfs are born better smiths, the eleves that do only that will eventually be better, cause they live forever.

A 50 year old master smith thats a dwarf and a 50 year old master smith thats an elf and the dwarf will win just about every time. But that same elf will live for another 700 years, so yeah, a Master smith thats 750 years old will be better than the 50 year old dwarf, regardless of race, its just so happens only Elves can have that happen.
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Ilishe posted...

Drow would like a word with you.

They need literal divine intervention for their society to function, and they live in an area of the underground that requires no expansion because of its natural size.
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I always considered Half Elves to be the best race in D+D, but also the most boring
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Can't beat a Variant Human TBQH.
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Still waiting @Vlado
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Anagram posted...

Kenri posted...

Elves are more wiry and flexible though and would be better at exploring potential cave systems without committing to fully excavating them.

That's only useful for scouting. If you're going to build a big ol' city, clearly the short height and superior constitution are much more useful. Tiny areas you need to squeeze through are also vulnerable to collapse, further endangering the underground elf.

Elves need to just accept that they're not biologically suited for the underground and keep to their forests.

Alright Mr. man but then why do halflings/hobbits all live in pastoral countrysides farming. Wouldnt their even shorter height be a greater advantage for tunneling?
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Eddv posted...

Alright Mr. man but then why do halflings/hobbits all live in pastoral countrysides farming. Wouldnt their even shorter height be a greater advantage for tunneling?

Halflings are small, but they have strength penalties, which heavily impact your ability to mine. Combine that with inferior mining equipment due to lacking the blacksmithing bonus and lacking a constitution bonus to keep working longer and halflings would be pathetic underground dwellers.

At least halflings usually keep to themselves and don't cause trouble for everyone else. As far as subhumans go, they're probably the most tolerable.
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Anagram posted...

. As far as subhumans go, they're probably the most tolerable

Whoa -- anagram showing how he REALLY feels
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They're shorter than humans, therefore they're subhuman. I won't let political correctness get in the way of simple facts.
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Anagram posted...

They're shorter than humans, therefore they're subhuman. I won't let political correctness get in the way of simple facts.

Damn I just got VLADO'd
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@Vlado has promised he'll start soon on the list.
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this is a much better topic than I could have ever expected.
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What does Vlado think of his own race?
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ExThaNemesis posted...

this is a much better topic than I could have ever expected.

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I'm not an orc supremacist or anything but I do think orcs are probably objectively the best race. in spite of constantly being villainized, targeted with racial violence (slay 20 orcs, seriously? these kinds of quests are literally state sponsored GENOCIDE), and the victims of discriminatory racial policies they still managed to build their own functioning society.
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MariaTaylor posted...

I'm not an orc supremacist or anything but I do think orcs are probably objectively the best race. in spite of constantly being villainized, targeted with racial violence (slay 20 orcs, seriously? these kinds of quests are literally state sponsored GENOCIDE), and the victims of discriminatory racial policies they still managed to build their own functioning society.

Orcs in Eberron are legit cool dudes. They just chill in the swamp and whoop the asses of any aberrations that try to threaten the world at large.
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yeah I hate when the high elf kings or human lords use false flag attacks to justify persecution against peaceful orcs
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MariaTaylor posted...

I do think orcs are probably objectively the best race

so this is your actual reason for not wanting people to criticize vlado...
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lmao if vlado was an orc I would have to rethink my entire view on the world

he's more like some kind of mutant goblin
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