But I do get to see the new FCW stable headed by freaking Ricardo Rodriguez. Matt Martlaro interviews Ricardo about them all. Matt Martlaro is telling Regal that he got to sit down and talk to Ricardo about him.
Matt: I had the opportunity to talk to Ricardo Rodriguez today. Regal: Oh, I like him. Matt: We sat down and talked about his collection-- You do? Regal: I do like him, yes.
lmao Matt Martlaro literally needing to stop talking after realizing Regal just said he liked Ricardo. Oh dear god, we're getting RICARDO RODRIGUEZ AND ALBERTO DEL RIO BACKSTORY Y'ALL! Ricardo explains to Matt that Alberto Del Rio works for him, and that Del Rio signed with Ricardo's father's agency. And his father said "Who better to announce this man to the ring than my son?" Ricardo tells him that he is the reason for all of Del Rio's success. Holy crap, this is golden. Ricardo then talks about his entourage, who has been standing behind him. Ricardo decided that the people he felt had a future in the company were... Conor O'Brian, Tito Colon (Epico), Kenneth Cameron (jobber), and Raquel Diaz (who has apparently forgotten about Alexander Rusev). He calls them The Ascension, claiming they'll take over FCW, WWE, and EVERYTHING. That was pretty entertaining, but holy crap is this stable bad.
Next up is Bo Rotundo vs Leo Kruger in a non-title HUMAN CAGE MATCH. I know what you're thinking: What's a Human Cage match? It's just a Lumberjack match. It's an alright match. Not as good as their last encounter, but that's mostly due to lumberjack shenanigans. Anyway, the finish comes when the heels protect Leo Kruger when he gets knocked out of the ring. The referee focuses on that when Conor O' Brian runs in and boots Bo Rotundo in the face. Leo Kruger recovers after that and enters the ring, then locks in his Rear Naked Choke, choking out Bo. Leo is declared the winner.
Highlights:
Seth Rollins (c) vs Dean Ambrose II - 20 minute Iron Man match:
Ricardo Rodriguez & The Ascension Interview -
Well, Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose were amazing. So that match is definitely worth watching. And then there's Ricardo Rodriguez giving his backstory with Alberto Del Rio, which was beautiful.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Alright, so we start off with Mike Dalton & Abraham Washington vs Tito Colon (Epico) & Kenneth Cameron w/ Raquel Diaz. So basically, Mike Dalton is a jobber. Abraham Washington is a potential The Rock if he can improve well. And this is the first match for The Ascension, Ricardo's group. Omg Kenneth Cameron has really pink tights. Abe is actually an entertaining guy, honestly. With his IN YO FACE Elbow Drop. Like, he gets the WWE style and can hype up the crowd. Oh Byron, how I missed you just brutally hating on Abraham Washington constantly. To Tito's credit now, he looks very distinctly like Epico, and has the dreads and evil moustache.
Byron: So where has Abraham Washington been all this time, Matt? Matt: I don't know. We saw him on commentary that one time, but he has been MIA for quite some time. Byron: Yeah, I did see him walking out of a soup kitchen with a doggy bag a few weeks ago.
So Kenneth Cameron and Tito Colon haven't been incredibly impressive, but Byron Saxton is selling them like they're an incredible tag team. I think most of the current commentary team should take notes from him. Hey, Mike Dalton is actually pretty good when he isn't jobbing out in seconds. In fact, I'd say he's impressive. The finish comes when Kenneth Cameron hits the Codebreaker on Mike Dalton, and Dalton falls back into a Backstabber from Tito Colon. Daaaaaamn. Cool combo. Kenneth Cameron and Tito Colon win it.
Next up is my man DAMIEN SANDOW vs Leakee. Damien Sandow now has a beard. Not quite as glorious as his current beard, but it's starting. Matt Martlaro is trying to hype up Sandow by saying he is a former FCW Tag Champ. Weak. Meanwhile, Byron Saxton sells Damien Sandow as the guy who almost beat Bo Rotundo numerous times and for being the most conniving and opportunistic superstar in FCW. This is why Byron Saxton is loads better. Ouch, Damien Sandow locks in a full nelson and then slams Leakee's head against the turnbuckle a few times, then drags Leakee's eyes across the top rope. Sandow exposes his knee pad to choke Leakee better. Jeeeez. He's being super vicious. Which is why he's the best in FCW! Leakee hits his weak ass jumping forearm on Sandow to stop him dead. XD Byron Saxton has been talking about how Sandow is great because he does whatever necessary to win and how cheating is fine. Leakee hits a running knee while Sandow is between the ropes and Byron says "Is that legal?" That's the most brilliant thing. Leakee reverses a victory roll attempt into a victory roll of his own, pinning Sandow. F***. It's okay though, because Sandow beats the s*** out of Leakee. He knocks him out with his neckbreaker on the outside, then proceeds to pat Leakee on the cheek and walk away.
Briley Pierce interviews Bo Rotundo, who has Aksana hanging off him, and then Husky Harris walks up asking Bo Rotundo wtf is going on with him and I guess Aksana has been negatively influencing Bo and stuff. ...Cooooool. Kinda random. Bo slaps Husky across the face and walks away. I guess Bo is going to be a heel now for some reason.
Next up, Steve Keirn talks to Maxine, Norman Smiley, and Leo Kruger. Steve Keirn makes Maxine the new GM, then he takes Leo Kruger to talk about legal matters. Maxine then tells Norman that she wants to make him the special guest referee in the upcoming Bo Rotundo and Leo Kruger title match. Ruh oh. After the segment, Byron laughs about it and says "This is great news! High five!" and offers a hand to Matt Martlaro, who doesn't give him any. lmao
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Next is Richie Steamboat vs Colin Cassidy & Rodney Thomas w/ Brad Maddox. Luckily they come out to Brad Maddox's theme song which is great! This match happens because Maxine wanted it to be a handicap match. Rodney Thomas was released, btw. Byron says that Brad Maddox has been going to a trauma counselor because of being superkicked so many times. lmao Colin Cassidy tags in to Rodney Thomas, and then Brad Maddox shouts at him and grabs his leg. "Hey! Hey! ...Kick his butt." This guy. Matt Martlaro keeps talking about how unfair this is to Richie Steamboat. So Byron asks him "Why are you so jaded?" So funny. Eventually the heels say screw it and start to beat up Richie together, forcing the referee to throw the match. Richie fights back, but Brad Maddox dives in and grabs onto Richie's legs and allows his cronies to beat the hell out of him.
Matt: This is three on one! How do you condone this!? *Brad Maddox releases Richie and starts cheerleading for his guys.* Byron: It's two on one! Get it right! Matt: Can we get some help for Richie Steamboat here? He's fighting in a three on one situation! Byron: It's two on one! Are you blind!? Matt: Brad Maddox came in and did a double leg takedown on Richie! Byron: And he calmed himself down. Now he's encouraging these two rookies.
Byron the best. Brad Maddox then takes off his shoe while his cronies hold up Richie, then he smacks him between the eyes, knocking him out. Brad Maddox kneels down beside Richie and tells him not to mess with him! And then he pokes Richie in the side of the face with his index finger a few times, watching his head bob. Good stuff.
Next up is Conor O'Brian w/ Ricardo Rodriguez & Raquel Diaz vs Husky Harris! Husky comes out in a sleeveless T with Husky <picture of a giant chainsaw> Harris on it. Conor still has personality by laughing evilly at Husky. Good for him! Oh my god, Raquel has this high pitched shrieking voice and it's horrible good god almighty. I hate Daughter Guerrero. So much. Oh my god. I would rather listen to Velvet Skye in a catfight for an hour than this b****. Can I just say that I think Husky Harris's moveset is pretty bad? I don't think I like most of his moves. He has a unique uranage I like, but I think that's about it. Holy crap, Conor O' Brian with some charisma looking like a beast. Color me surprised. Anyway, Husky almost runs into Raquel who is distracting the ref. He stops before and Raquel lets out this horrific screech. Then Conor boots Husky in the face and pins him for the win. ...Woah, that just happened.
Highlight:
Richie Steamboat vs Colin Cassidy & Rodney Thomas w/ Brad Maddox -
Husky Harris vs Conor O' Brian -
Richie's handicap match is great because of commentary and Brad Maddox. It's worth watching for that much, I think! And I think people should see what's up with Conor O' Brian now. He's actually pretty cool now. I'm impressed by him. Good job little buddy!
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
I feel like the Albert thing is a GREAT angle in the making. Like, for him to noticeably hear it and get frustrated by it. It makes all kinds of sense.
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SmartMuffin - Because anything less would be uncivilized - http://img.imgcake.com/smartmuffin/barkleyjpgde.jpg http://dudewheresmyfreedom.com/
Alright, we have BYRON SAXTON and Matt Martlaro to start off the show. The very first thing that happens is Seth Rollins and Dean Ambrose duking it out backstage and having to be separated. Byron Saxton's sling says RESPECT BYRON on it, btw.
Next, we have a tag team match between the champs, Donny Marlow & CJ Parker vs James Bronson & Erick Rowan. Byron Saxton loves Bronson and Rowan for obvious reasons. Guess what theme they come out with now that Byron isn't escorting them.
Hell yeeeeeeah. Anyway, Marlow and Parker are working together pretty well, but I can't look at CJ Parker without getting disgusted. Those f***ing tights make me want to choke somebody. Erick Rowan has a big bandage on his shoulder for some reason. He seems to be wrestling fine with it though. Byron says, "The point is, I have respect for [Donny Marlow]. He's in over his head! He's got a partner dressed like a clown in his corner and Rowan and Bronson on the other end!" I love him. CJ Parker gets the hot tag and... just, casually enters the ring. Wtf? Bronson gets in an STO position while Rowan runs in and then clotheslines Parker for an STO/Clothesline combo. It gets them the win. So basically, Donny Marlow beats the former tag champs all by himself, and then when he gets beaten down for all of this match, CJ Parker comes in and loses it for them. lmao Such a good tag team.
Next up is Richie Steamboat vs Brad Maddox. Seriously, I could listen to Brad Maddox's theme song forever. This feud is amusing because Brad Maddox keeps telling Richie that first generation superstars are better than second generation ones.
Byron: And Brad Maddox says he was cleared by his trauma counselor. Matt: I have never heard of anyone having to have a trauma counselor here at FCW. Byron: Have you ever had trauma? Matt: ... Well... not in FCW. Byron: Okay then. Good enough.
"Did you see what happened there? Of course you didn't. Because I'm watching this match and you aren't." Oh Byron. Damn, Maddox is seriously impressing me. He starts scuttled away on his backside from Richie and then as Richie ran towards him, he laid back and kicked his legs out right at Richie's. Very unique. Even Matt Martlaro keeps praising Maddox for looking impressive. Richie Steamboat goes for the superkick, but since Maddox worked over his leg the entire match, he fell trying to do it. Byron Saxton is laughing wildly at this. Then Maddox hits a sunset flip on Richie as he tries to get back up, but turns it into a powerbomb into the corner. OW! Maddox takes the time to get in Richie's face. He does this twice and the referee pulls him away each time. After the referee pulls Maddox away the second time, he walks back towards Richie who has stood up and, using the ropes for leverage, hits a superkick for the win! Aww, why Brad!? "Oooooh not again!" Byron showing love for poor Brad.
"I'm Briley Pierce, and I'm SO GLAD I still work here." God damnit, this guy sucks. I'm sorry. He sucks. I feel bad that he's related to Ziggler, because he sucks that much. He interviews Norman Smiley, who is the special guest referee for Bo Rotundo vs Leo Kruger tonight. Also, Norman has to tell him to hold up the mic. lmao I don't think that was supposed to happen. He says he's going to referee the match right down the middle.
Next up is the Dean Ambrose and Seth Rollins contract signing. I assume this is another way to keep Rollins away from a mic in any way possible. Maxine says that it will be a 30 minute time limit next time. Ambrose is f***ing around when getting ready to sign and Byron says "Oh, that's good writing form." Surprisingly, they just get in each others faces and Ambrose leaves the ring in a weird way. Creepy.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Audrey Marie comes out next, and Byron says "Oh, I love her..... hat." ...And then Aksana comes out to a James Bond ripoff theme. The f***? So it's Audrey Marie vs Aksana. Aksana whiffs such a terrible clothesline. She aims it above Audrey's head. I'm pretty sure Audrey is a face now. Audrey hits a decent looking spinning heel kick from the second rope. "Unfortunately for the rookie Audrey, she still has to go up against the veteran Aksana." ...That felt so gross to hear. Aksana puts Audrey away with her spinebuster that looks good. After the match, Aksana throws Audrey out of the ring, then throws her into the apron, the barricade, and the steel steps. She's a heel guys.
Next up is an Florida Heavyweight Championship match between Bo Rotundo (c) vs Leo Kruger with Norman Smiley as the special guest referee. lol Norman doing the big wiggle as he comes out. Bo Rotundo comes out and Aksana says something about his brother. When Bo walks away, Aksana has an evil look on her face. At least, I think that's what it was supposed to be. It's hard to tell because she's so bad. Byron tries to sell the idea that Norman Smiley won't be impartial, and he does it very well, honestly. "Yeah, keep getting up and keep getting hit. Great strategy," says Byron. Always good stuff from him. "In the event that Norman falls asleep between counts again, can we get another referee out here?" Ahaha. Norman Smiley eventually pulls Leo Kruger out of the corner because he wasn't giving Bo a chance to get up and Byron flips out, "Look at this! Is his ego so huge that he has to get involved!?" And hey guys, you'll never guess how Bo Rotundo wins? He hits his Spear when his opponent turns around after being distracted. THIS FINISH NEVER GETS OLD, I SWEAR. Byron is pissed and calls this match a joke. Oh snap, Leo Kruger puts the Rear Naked Choke on Norman Smiley and chokes him out.
I wish for my highlights that I could just include Byron Saxton's commentary for everything.
Highlight:
Richie Steamboat vs Brad Maddox -
Brad Maddox's Theme Song -
Brad Maddox was fantastic during that match, and I know how you guys adore him. Check out how great he is. And then check out how great his theme song is. Because Bo Rotundo and Leo Kruger wasn't as good, and neither was much else.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
We have Byron Saxton and Matt Martlaro again! We go to Briley Pierce with Ricky and Richie Steamboat. Richie isn't terrible on the mic and hypes up Seth Rollins. Ricky picks Dean Ambrose because he seems to want it more. Richie gives him a "F*** you dad" look. Then we get a video package before Briley Pierce talks to Dusty Rhodes, who asks if Briley is ever going to get in the ring or if he'll just be doing this forever. lol He hypes up the match some more. Another video package about Rollins vs Ambrose. And then Briley Pierce interviews Steve Keirn, who refuses to choose a winner so he doesn't risk not knowing what he's doing.
Finally, we get to the match! I'm pretty sure this will take up the whole show, actually. It's Seth Rollins (c) vs Dean Ambrose in a 30 minute ironman match for the 15 Championship! It's standard wrestling with a few unique spots until the 22 minute mark, in which Dean Ambrose just hits a punt to Seth Rollins's crotch. It was a very brutal kick. The referee DQs him, giving a fall to Seth. Then Dean just shrugs it off before going over and hitting his Midnight Special on Rollins, getting a fall as well and making it 1-1. Dean prances around holding up a finger until Seth Rollins gets up. He then hits a vicious clothesline and gets another fall. Woah! 1-2 now. Then Dean clotheslines Seth out of the ring the next time he gets up. At the 14 minute mark, Ambrose goes for another Midnight Special, but Seth Rollins manages to reverse it into a pin attempt and gets it, making the score 2-2! Ahahaha Dean Ambrose selling an Enziguiri is the best. Rollins busts out a Lionsault, but Dean kicks out of it. Then he kicks out of the Curb Stomp. Holy s***. Rollins went for a Spiral Tap but Dean Ambrose rolled out of the way. During the last three minutes, Ambrose locks in a Texas Cloverleaf. Seth manages to reach the ropes with 1:30 left. Ahahahaha Dean goes to mock Rollins's stomping thing before he does the Avada Kadavra. He aims a finger gun and fires, then he goes for the Avada Kadavra, but Seth counters and then turns it into the Midnight Special! Woah! Dean kicks out with 30 seconds left! WOAH! Seth hits the Avada Kadavra and Ambrose kicks out of that too before the buzzer rings!
Maxine is pissed because she sat through this for half an hour and demands that sudden death rules apply now. Seth goes crazy after nailing a suicide dive and still lands on his feet. He throws Dean to the corner and hits three different flying forearms in the corner, but after the last one Dean rushes back to Rollins and clotheslines him in the corner. He whips Rollins and then gets hit with a superkick! Dean bounces out the ropes and hits Rollins with a clothesline still before both guys collapse. Another Midnight Special and Seth kicks out! Woah. This match is seriously incredibly epic. Ambrose goes for the Midnight Special off the top rope, but Seth gets out, does his running powerbomb to the corner, then channels the POWER and Avada Kadavra's Dean. Dean stumbles back, kind of stares at Seth, then flops back down to his knees and takes another! Seth Rollins wins it! WOW! I think it got a bit silly with the whole massive kickouts of f***ing insane stuff... but I mean, it was gripping. It was intense. It was fun. Amazing match, really. That's all!
Highlight:
Seth Rollins (c) vs Dean Ambrose 30 minute Ironman Match for the 15 Championship -
I just posted about the f***ing match. Check it out. Incredible stuff.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
William Regal is back with Matt Martlaro? BOOOOOOOO! We want Byron! Someone brought a "Titus O' Neil DO THE DOG BARK!" sign. lol Maxine comes out with Norman Smiley and says that Bo Rotundo is injured so his Florida Heavyweight Championship has been vacated. Oh darn, that means I won't see any ever-so-surprising Spears now? What a shame. She announces that there will be an eight man tournament to decide the new champion. The contestants are Seth Rollins, Leo Kruger, Big E. Langston (LOL WHAT?), Leakee, Percy Watson, Damien Sandow, Dean Ambrose, and Husky Harris.
But Damien Sandow and Leakee will fight RIGHT NOW! Sandow's beard is looking more sophisticated now. Damien Sandow making Leakee look good in this match, which is a feat in itself. Leakee hits his terrible jumping forearm and then throws up his hand! PUDDUMAAAAAAAAA! (This is terrible for "Put 'Em Up") He hits his crappy diving fist and then Sandow tries to recover in the corner, dodges Leakee's attempt at a jumping forearm, then takes advantage and nails his neckbreaker for the pinfall! GO DAMIEN SANDOW!
Then Briley Pierce interviews Abraham Washington who gives a speech about how awesome Bo Rotundo is and blah blah. He says that Bo Rotundo is like the James Brown of sports entertainment.
Abe: You know who James Brown is, don't you? Briley: Yeah, 007. Abe: Boy, what is wrong with you!?
Yeah, Abe really wants to be the new Rock. And I think if he tries that hard at it that people will take notice if he tries in WWE. Abe says he sends his congratulations and condolences to whoever wins the Florida Heavyweight Championship, because he will take their title and make them the shortest reigning champ in history! Dear god, he isn't even trying to hide the fact that he looks like The Rock.
Anyway, next up is Audrey Marie vs Aksana for the FCW Diva's Championship. Audrey looks hot as hell. Caylee Turner (Alicia Fox's sister from Tough Enough) is on commentary because... well, I don't know but she sucks. She's only 23 years old!? I feel old. Caylee calls Aksana a mean jelly bean. God... When Caylee is asked what makes Aksana a good competitor she says "I think it's like, she has experience behind her. She's changed so much since I got here, and she's like, such a veteran in the ring? And I feel like they're evenly matched physically? Like in terms of strength." I feel ill. Aksana shows what a veteran she is with the worst kicks I've ever seen. Holy crap. And now Caylee is just giggling. Oh lord. Aksana failed to kick out of a victory roll, so Audrey had to kind of get off of Aksana and stand in front of her so she could kick her away. Aksana goes for her spinebuster, but Audrey counters it and hits a small package on Aksana for the win! New FCW Diva's Champion!
Matt: Are you aware we have a tournament for the new FCW Champion? Caylee: I am aware! I'm so excited. 8D
I think I hate her.
We get a weird dark video of The Ascension talking about they will destroy and rise up. Ricardo wasn't there, so it was Conor O' Brian, Tito Colon, and Kenneth Cameron talking with Raquel Diaz trying to talk. Oh god, they gave Conor O' Brian his creepy laugh and sniff thing, but they sped it up at one point. Wooooah. Cool part.
Aksana is backstage and Briley Pierce tries to interview her while she's sobbing. He decides to leave and then Husky Harris walks up and tells her that she deserves everything she got! Aksana cries and says she's sorry and stuff and Husky apologizes for upsetting her. Wtf?
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Oh man, it's a debut of a hometown hero of mine. COREY GRAVES! He looks like a punk rocker. Erick Rowan comes out to a very familiar theme song.
Corey Graves is pretty cool. Not bad at all. He's actually a nice smaller-build kind of guy. Which of course means the less talented Erick Rowan wins. It's a decently long match though, so I won't complain too much. And Erick Rowan isn't terrible. He's just... nothing special. Erick Rowan wins when he catches Corey off the top rope by the throat and then hits a Chokeslam.
Now we have the second match in the tournament with Big E. Langston vs Husky Harris. Ugh, they keep trying to hype up Langston but he's soooo bad. Oh, so apparently Bo Rotundo had a lacerated kidney. Wtf how does that even happen? Anyway, Big E. Langston is still terrible, but Husky Harris was doing pretty good. I'm still not incredibly crazy about him or anything. Husky finishes the match off with literally the worst Spear I've ever seen. I'm not even exaggerating. It was barely even a Spear. It was just baaaaaaad. Anyway, that's the show.
Highlights:
Abraham Washington Promo -
Aksana (c) vs Audrey Marie - FCW Diva's Championship Match -
The Ascension Promo -
The highlights are actually stuff I want you guys to notice. I keep saying Abraham Washington is basically The Rock in training. That promo was the most Rock-like thing he's ever done, so you can understand what I mean. Then Aksana vs Audrey Marie, so you can see Aksana and a little bit of Audrey Marie. You know my opinions on them. And you can see why Caylee Turner is so bad too. And then the Ascension Promo was pretty cool, so look at it.
(You guys are terrible for not posting between me spamming summaries.)
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Woah, we get William Regal back AND Byron Saxton. I don't think they've commentated before. I wonder where Matt Martlaro is. William Regal can't remember the name of Audrey Marie. lol Our first match is Leo Kruger vs Percy Watson, and it's a part of the tournament. Percy is wrestling in sneakers today, which is strange. Anyway, it's a pretty good match. Percy goes for the Heisman, but then Leo gets the knees up. Then the Rear Naked Choke finishes off Percy. Pretty basic but good stuff.
Then there's a backstage segment with Maxine and Richie Steamboat. Maxine says Maddox is driving her crazy and talks about fairness in giving Richie the match... but then he goes and uses that Superkick. Maxine says that if he uses it again, he'll be suspended. Then she walks away. Heel GM. Then Aksana walks over and tries her best to flirt with Richie.
And now we get an interview with Big E. Langston. Oh yeah, I completely forgot that Big E. Langston talks like Martin Luther King does on the mic. Basically, he talks about how no matter who wins the fatal fourway for the Florida Heavyweight Title (btw, the winners of the four qualifying matches wrestle in a fatal fourway to decide the winner now) will lose to Big E. Langston. It's not a very good promo.
Next we have Rick Victor vs Abraham Washington. YeeeeeEEEEAH! Regal says it's not a good thing that he and Abraham Washington are in the same arena, because the last time that happened, they shut down ECW. lol
Regal: Can you tell me what those bandages on Rick Victor's back are for? Byron: I think it's to cover up a rash he doesn't want anyone to see, but that's not confirmed. Regal: You could have lied to me and told me it was some sort of battle scar. Byron: I'm not a liar, I'm a broadcast journalist. Regal: I am. It's the only way I can get through life. Byron: Well that's a whole other issue for a whole other show.
Omg, Regal hates Abe so much. lol "We have some sort of back and forth. I'd like to say it was a little one-up-manship, but he really doesn't have anything on me." In case nobody remember, when Abe was on commentary with Regal a few shows, he was extremely obnoxious and very obviously pissed Regal off.
Regal: My career went completely downhill when we shut that down. Byron: Oh come on, be more positive! You're sitting next to me now! Regal: Exactly. Byron: I'll take that as a compliment.
Abe's time off has really helped him improve as a wrestler. It's probably a good thing he did so. Oh god, he actually uses the IN YO FACE Elbow as his finisher? He really DOES want to be The Rock. Wow. He set it up with a flapjack of all things.
Next is an Ascension promo where they all say the Lord's Prayer. (Raquel Diaz, Tito Colon, Kenneth Cameron, and Conor O'Brian) They end it by saying the pray WHILE you sleep. I don't get it. But it looked cool.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Next up is another match between Richie Steamboat and Brad Maddox! OH MY GOD BRAD MADDOX IS THE BEST WRESTLER IN THE WORLD! Holy crap, I just died from laughter here. Okay, so Richie's superkick is banned, right? So Maddox comes out with a T-shirt that says KICK ME! on it and one of those protective boxing head gear deals with the chin strap taken off. That is just freaking gold. He takes off the t-shirt but keeps on the head gear. Maddox taunts Richie to kick his chin while Byron Saxton thinks it's great that Maddox is being extra safe with his head gear. Basically, Richie keeps hitting chops and kicks, but after each one, Brad Maddox keeps pointing at his chin. Then he slaps Richie and Steamboat goes for the superkick but stops. Brad cowers from it, hilariously. Brad gets some good offense on Richie before he gets pulled off of Richie and takes out brass knuckles from his knee pad and goes to use them before the ref catches them. Then, while the ref is dealing with the brass knuckles, Brad goes to change his head gear inside out to reveal a roll of quarters on them. He goes to headbutt Richie, but the ref catches it and takes it off of him. Maddox objects and then eventually turns to Richie and gets superkicked behind the ref's back! Hahaha, that's great. Richie Steamboat wins. After the match, Brad Maddox goes to grab his brass knuckles and hit Richie again, only to get superkicked again! Ouch.
Briley Pierce interviews Audrey Marie who is very bubbly and happy she is the FCW Diva's Champion. She's very face-y now. She puts her cowboy hat on Briley's head before leaving. Yup.
And now we get Bo Rotundo talking about his hurt kidney and how sad he is and crap. It's boring.
Anyway, Dean Ambrose vs Seth Rollins is up next for the last match of the Florida Heavyweight Championship qualifiers. There's a cool series where Seth Rollins goes for a superkick, Dean catches it and then goes for the Midnight Special, but then Seth takes him down and goes for the Avada Kadavra that Dean dodges, and then Seth tries to leap at him at the corner and Ambrose catches him and goes for the Midnight Special, but Seth gets out of it. That was fun. Anyway, Dean works on the arm the entire match, and then towards the end, he throws Seth's shoulder into the turnbuckle before nailing the Midnight Special to win!
So that means our four guys are Damien Sandow, Dean Ambrose, Husky Harris, and Leo Kruger. ...Um, three heels and one face. Weird.
Highlights:
Rick Victor vs Abraham Washington -
The Ascension Promo -
Richie Steamboat vs Brad Maddox -
Because we all need to so how The Rock that Abraham Washington is! And The Ascension Promo was really neat. And then the Richie Steamboat and Brad Maddox match because it's soooo good.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
So the show begins with The Ascension coming out to the ring, sans Ricardo but with Raquel. Oh lord, Raquel is terrible. I'm sorry. She just is. Anyway, it's a six man tag match between Conor O' Brian, Kenneth Cameron, & Tito Colon vs Johnny Curtis, Donny Marlow, & CJ Parker. Things are going to get pret-ty weird! Though probably not. Oh, and we have Regal and Martlaro on commentary. Conor is selling his gimmick well and keeps giving dark looks all the time. It's creepy. Damn, Conor is frightening and he's just screaming and going wild on Parker. The other members of the Ascension keep yelling and thrashing on the ropes and the outside. Holy crap, this gimmick is awesome. Anyway, Kenneth Cameron wins the match by hitting a Sitout Jawbreaker on Donny Marlow. The lights go out and a strobe flashes while they stand in the ring ominously. Epic as hell, my god. This gimmick would get over as hell in WWE, I'm sure.
AJ Lee has joined the commentary team with a Pikachu shirt on. Next up is a match between Leah West vs Naomi w/ Cameron Lynn... and Byron Saxton? Well, first off, let's get this nugget out of the way,
Regal: You should have heard what [Byron] was saying about you last week when we were off the air. Slagging you off. Unbelievable. Matt: I hear what he says about me on air all the time!
Now that we got that through... Let's discuss Leah West. She's an Aussie who was released rather fast. Only one person has ever commented on her release, and it was one Seth Rollins who stated: "Leah West got exactly what she deserved." So take that for what you will. Now, what's Byron doing? He holds up a finger high in the air, looking very annoyed. Then Naomi comes out dancing with Cameron Lynn (who is Brodus Clay's other back up dancer and that Melina vs Alicia Fox girl on Tough Enough). Cameron also has hideous blond hair right now. Wow. Uh, apparently Naomi was wearing a blue wig and took it off before the match. Wtf is going on? AJ says "Hornswoggle is at home right now, so... he's probably under the ring." Cameron Lynn is doing... something on the outside that I don't know. But good god is it terrible. Even Matt Martlaro says "What is she doing on the outside? It looks like she's having a conniption fit!" Naomi defeats Leah West with a Blockbuster. Neither girl was terrible. Naomi and Cameron go back to dancing badly and screaming loudly again. AJ says "I have never seen that much spandex is my life."
Briley Pierce interviews Brad Maddox now and asks when the rivalry with Richie Steamboat is going to end. He still hasn't learned you need to hold the mic up closer. Brad claims that Richie has never beaten him yet, and it will go on until he does. lol Briley says that he's beaten him time and time again.
Briley: From what I've seen, even I could beat you. Brad: No, what you saw last time-- ...What was that? Briley: I said, from what I've seen, even I could beat you at this point. Brad: From what I've seen, you haven't even hit puberty yet. Briley: From what I've seen, the only part of you that's hit puberty yet is your chin. Brad: From what I've seen... I hate your stupid face! HEY! Weren't you my camera guy at one point? You've come a long way since then! I heard you had a television show at one point, not that I watched it, BECAUSE IT LASTED ONE EPISODE! Hey... I have a cool idea. Why don't you and I face off against the ring for your first match? You can learn from a professional. ...I'm gonna keep this.
And then Brad Maddox proceeds to walk off with Briley Pierce's microphone. Completely hilarious. Brad Maddox has potential to be huge in the WWE.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Wtf, Calvin Raines is still here? ...And he has cornrows? What is this? Peter Orlov (Alex Koslov) comes out, so it'll be Calvin Raines vs Peter Orlov in a battle of which released FCW star sucks less. AJ is still on commentary and Regal asks why, so she says that Matt handcuffed her arm to the chair. Peter Orlov is absolutely the better wrestler, and Calvin Raines just looks goofy and continues to be mediocre. Raines dodges a kick off the top rope and then hits a swinging Alabama Slam for the win. AJ asks if Matt is going to uncuff her now and they joke about it. Pretty funny.
Next up is the fourway for the Florida Heavyweight Championship between Leo Kruger, Damien Sandow, Dean Ambrose, & Husky Harris. Oh my, Damien Sandow's beard is very pronounced now. Husky Harris is the only face in this match. But I could Damien Sandow as a face in my heart. Ambrose worked with Husky for a while until he turned on him. He goes to hit a jumping clothesline in the corner, but Husky catches him. Dean makes some kind of "Gaaaah!" noise that was cartoony and funny as he got Uranage. Sandow with immaculate selling. Omg, this is the worst spot ever. Husky Harris hits a Manhatten Drop on all three guys. All three guys proceed to huddle up with their arms around each other for NO REASON. Then Husky hits his god awful and sloppy Spear on everybody. Oh, Maxine, Richie Steamboat, and Aksana are all watching from special seats. Dean Ambrose goes over there to try getting a steel chair, but Richie grabs it and yanks it away. Husky Harris then follows Dean, only to get a superkick from Richie. Whaaa? Anyway, Dean Ambrose is knocked out of the ring with a knee from Leo Kruger. Then Leo grabs Damien Sandow with his Rear Naked Choke and Sandow taps. Leo Kruger wins the Florida Heavyweight Championship. Eh. Better than current Husky, I guess.
Highlight:
The Ascension vs Johnny Curtis, Donny Marlow, & CJ Parker -
Brad Maddox & Briley Pierce Promo -
Unless anyone REALLY wants to see the Cameron Lynn and Naomi stuff, I'll save you the pain and not include it. But The Ascension deserves to be seen since they were pretty f***ing sweet. Brad Maddox promo is stuff of gold, so check that out too.
--
Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
"In pro wrestling, you can work around your injuries and still have a great, awesome match. But this cage match is very dangerous. I am facing Jeff Hardy. He's a high flyer. We're going to do a lot of crazy stuff in this match. I pray to God I don't further injure my injuries anymore. But I am brave enough, and maybe I'm stupid, but I want the fans to say, 'That was the best match I saw all year.' That's hard to say when you have Triple H and Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match. But Jeff Hardy and I are capable of having just as good of a match as Undertaker and Triple H."
Okay pal.
--
Thank you, Eddie Guerrero. http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/photo_large/public/photo/image/2012/04/WM28_Photo_255.jpg
First match is Donny Marlow (c) & CJ Parker (c) vs James Bronson & Calvin Raines for the FCW Tag Titles. I guess that Calvin Raines moved onto somebody who doesn't completely suck. Good for him. Now if only he didn't completely suck himself! Speaking of completely sucking: CJ Parker. I'm not into this match. It isn't terribly interesting. Basically, Donny Marlow wins it by pinning Calvin Raines after a Samoan Drop.
I miss a segment where Aksana claims Husky Harris hit her. Oi. Stop using Aksana please.
Next up is Audrey Marie (c) vs Leah West for the FCW Diva's Championship. Apparently losing your debut match means you can be a contender for a title. It's a standard chick's match until Audrey Marie hits the Round Up, which is the Eye of the Hurricane. Audrey retains.
Oh hey, Antonia Cesaro debuts today! Briley Pierce interviews MR. Antonio Cesaro (AKA Claudio Constagnolli). He wants to be the FCW Champion as soon as possible so all of the people back home can see him on TV! And then he cuts some anti-American stuff and says he's at least twenty-five times more talented than the rest of the Americans here, and that he is... Very European! Decent promo, nothing too special though.
Next, we get Abraham Washington vs Peter Orlov. YeeeeEEEEEAH! Holy crap, Peter Orlov should've never been released for THIS reason:
The Russian national anthem... in rock form! XD His theme was so good. Peter Orlov isn't an action movie star now though. :( He just wants to be a fighter in America. Oh my god, Peter Orlov caught Abe's leg as he went to do the IN YO FACE Elbow Drop, and Abe just decided to drop an elbow instead. ...Literally a regular elbow drop. No theatrics. And he won. I'm growing to hate Abraham Washington based on this alone, which makes me sad. He really needs to individualize himself more.
Next up is Damien Sandow vs Husky Harris vs Dean Ambrose for the chance to fight Leo Kruger for the Florida Heavyweight Championship next week. Damien Sandow and Dean Ambrose work together until it comes to who pins Husky. Then it's fighting between those two. lmao Damien Sandow and Dean Ambrose have the best shoving match ever because both of them are so charismatic it's great. Sandow seems like he lets Ambrose have his way, then proceeds to sucker kick him in the gut. Anyway, the finish comes when Husky Harris hits his weird Flatliner thing on Damien Sandow for the win. Poor Sandow. :( Husky Harris faces Leo Kruger next week now.
Highlights:
Antonio Cesaro Interview -
This interview is very European! And nothing else in this show is really worth pointing out. It was pretty boring, honestly.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
If Kurt hadn't of mentioned Hardy at all, I could have at least read that and went "...Yeah I guess, who's he wrestling?" Then when I found out it was Hardy, have chortles.
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Official Board 8 Brawl and Pokemon Champion http://images4.wikia.nocookie.net/board8/images/8/8b/ViviffChampS1.jpg
Howard Finkel is about to announce for us, when Ricardo Rodriguez comes out to interrupt him. He says there's only one person good enough to announcer his name-- himself! He announces himself gloriously. And now we're getting Ricardo Rodriguez vs Leakee. Regal puts over Ricardo constantly and says that you shouldn't let his silly face fool you-- he's a smart guy! Ricardo is actually really good, but he loses when he springs off the bottom rope and is nailed with the crappy flying forearm by Leakee. Weak.
Next up is Byron Saxton coming out to the ring with Naomi and Cameron Lynn. Uggggggh. OH MY GOD F*** NAOMI AND F*** CAMERON LYNN! I F***ING HATE BOTH OF THEM! THEY ARE TERRIBLE! They talk like those stereotypical obnoxious black women. Cameron has this horrific dolphin laugh and they keep going "YEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEAH!" to each other. Holy f***ing s*** I am so glad the Funkasaurus put these b****es in line. Ugh, Byron says that two divas are going to be hurt by his divas. It's Kaitlyn and Caylee Turner. Oh boy. Oh my god, they keep shrieking during the match and laughing. Cameron's blond hair is a wig. It makes her more stupid now. But oh my god, they do not stop. It's like if you watched every single TNA Knockout match simultaneously with that same obnoxiousness and screaming at all times. Worst match ever. Caylee Turner was in at the end to look like she can do maybe two moves and get hit by a leg lariat from Naomi and pinned. Wow. I will NOT make you suffer through this.
Briley Pierce interviews Richie Steamboat who apparently superkicked Husky because Aksana said he hurt him. I missed that in that one segment. Richie claims that he did the right thing, and then Aksana walks up and Briley wants to hear from her, but they both just leave together without a word.
Next up is Erick Rowan vs Big E. Langston. This is going to be a poor match. A very sloppy match where Big E. Langston wins with a Belly-to-Belly suplex. Whatever.
In an untaped segment last week, a mascot named Buddy knocked out Brad Maddox with a punch, and Briley Pierce is telling us about how great it was. So then Brad Maddox comes out in the costume and says that he found the suit in Briley's locker and knows that Briley did it. He then says he made sure that Briley would have his first match next week against somebody. Maddox says he'll see Briley next week and then tells Briley that "He's keeping this" and walks away with the mic. Pretty awesome segment.
Next match is Antonio Cesaro vs Mike Dalton! It's Antonio's in-ring debut! Ahahaha Antonio Cesaro has some funny stuff he does. He holds up a finger to the sky and goes "Heeeeeeey!" And then when Mike Dalton tried to duck under Antonio as he was running the ropes, he dead stops in front of Dalton, shrugs, and then drops down to lock in a headlock. I think what's best about Antonio Cesaro is that he presents himself like he's a great wrestler. Antonio nails a pretty sweet tilt-a-whirl backbreaker on Dalton. He also has a very odd surfboard he uses where he leans back with his knees up and bends the opponent with a chinlock also. And he later hits a huge backbreaker where he throws him into the air and catches him on the way down. WOAH! He throws Dalton high in the air, then nails a European Uppercut on the way down! Siiiiick. He then hits a powerbomb with the arms crossed, aka the Ricola Bomb! He sits on Dalton's chest for the pinfall. Sweet match.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
And now we have a promo with Percy Watson and Titus O'Neil. Basically, they kiss each other's asses. If you've ever seen their NXT promos, you get the jist of it. They say they'll be facing Jinder Mahal and Rick Victor next week.
Next up is Leo Kruger (c) vs Husky Harris for the Florida Heavyweight Championship. It's a pretty good match. Husky keeps fighting out of the Rear Naked Choke. We get a ref bump before Husky nails his Flatliner. Richie Steamboat tries to get involved, but Husky fights him off. While he's distracted, Leo Kruger gets up and locks in the Rear Naked Choke! The ref gets up rather quickly. Like, he got knocked out of the ring. I'm shocked! FCW refs are much tougher than WWE refs, apparently! Anyway, Husky taps and Leo retains.
Highlights:
Briley Pierce & Brad Maddox Promo -
Antonio Cesaro vs Mike Dalton -
Brad Maddox continues to show why he's one of the best. I love this guy. He has his character down to perfection! And then there's Antonio Cesaro's debut match, which I'd say is rather important! He's good, but he needs to work on his WWE style a bit, I think.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
Someone please tell me they're at least skimming this crap so I know it's okay to keep posting all of this stuff for you guys. And let me know if you guys are checking out any of the highlights I post too.
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Xbox GT: PrivateBiscuit1 Down with Zhang. Let there be Biscuit!
"In pro wrestling, you can work around your injuries and still have a great, awesome match. But this cage match is very dangerous. I am facing Jeff Hardy. He's a high flyer. We're going to do a lot of crazy stuff in this match. I pray to God I don't further injure my injuries anymore. But I am brave enough, and maybe I'm stupid, but I want the fans to say, 'That was the best match I saw all year.' That's hard to say when you have Triple H and Undertaker in a Hell in a Cell match. But Jeff Hardy and I are capable of having just as good of a match as Undertaker and Triple H."
Okay pal.
Kurt Angle promising the fans a ** 1/2 star match. TNA! TNA! TNA!
Sarcasm aside, has Jeff's ringwork really suffered that much since he left WWE? I haven't been watching. I assume he doesn't show up to every match high out of his mind.
Angle vs. Hardy in a Steel Cage sounds like a good match to me on paper.
From: TimJab | #389 Sarcasm aside, has Jeff's ringwork really suffered that much since he left WWE? I haven't been watching. I assume he doesn't show up to every match high out of his mind.
Angle vs. Hardy in a Steel Cage sounds like a good match to me on paper.
Since sobering up (and yes I'm naive enough to believe he's clean since his comeback), Hardy's work has definitely raised its floor, but it has also lowered its ceiling.
At face value, Angle saying this would be akin to, say, Jericho promising Match of the Year against The Miz. Miz isn't BAD or anything, he's just not a MotY kinda guy.
And like I said, I'm more worried about the subtext here of Angle making promises for a great match followed immediately by "I pray to God I don't hurt myself more," and what that implies.
--
Thank you, Eddie Guerrero. http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/photo_large/public/photo/image/2012/04/WM28_Photo_255.jpg
The sad thing too is that Angle doing crazy s*** off of the top of the cage actually fits in perfectly and logically with the angle that this feud started on, that Kurt is jealous that his son is a bigger fan of Jeff Hardy than him, and he wants to prove that he's better.
--
Thank you, Eddie Guerrero. http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/photo_large/public/photo/image/2012/04/WM28_Photo_255.jpg
TimJab posted... Sarcasm aside, has Jeff's ringwork really suffered that much since he left WWE? I haven't been watching. I assume he doesn't show up to every match high out of his mind.
Angle vs. Hardy in a Steel Cage sounds like a good match to me on paper.
One of the main problems with Hardy's ringwork in TNA (aside from the obvious) is that he lacks the motivation he had when he was in the WWE. Often, he just looks like he is going through the motions.
That's a good way to put it. That would probably explain why he hasn't had any great matches, but also hasn't bottomed out (because he's been around for so long and worked with so many great workers that even he can do a ** match by default now [well...if he's lucid enough to know he's in a wrestling ring]).
--
Thank you, Eddie Guerrero. http://www.wwe.com/f/styles/photo_large/public/photo/image/2012/04/WM28_Photo_255.jpg