Board 8 > My best friend is getting divorced.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Is it bad I'm thinking about when I should make my move on her?
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yes
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Then I shall stop thinking about it.

Good work, team.
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if he was truly your best friend the only thing you'd be thinking about is how to hide the body
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No my best friend is the woman here.
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If you don't smash, it's just gonna be somebody else.
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Probably. I'm so non-threatening that her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man but made the exception for me.

Hell, I was alone with her at their house multiple times while he was working and he didn't give a damn.
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oh then uhh whatever i forgot about your situation

yeah do it
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I think there's a grace period you need to give her before you can make a move on her.
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i mean in fairness rock's most aggressive move would be like, buying her clothes
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TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

Wtf
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Nelson_Mandela posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

Wtf

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Nelson_Mandela posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

Wtf

To be fair look at the one person he is letting be friends, trying to get with his ex wife
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Tokoyami posted...

Nelson_Mandela posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

Wtf

To be fair look at the one person he is letting be friends, trying to get with his ex wife

Xfd good point
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... oh man

The only man friend he allowed is the one with feelings for her

This is some soap opera **** here
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Steiner posted...

yes

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It's a new set of cheeks to smash man make your move tell her you ea
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Tokoyami posted...

Nelson_Mandela posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

Wtf

To be fair look at the one person he is letting be friends, trying to get with his ex wife

hah
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Misread topic title as devoured.
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Yeah you definitely need to give it time but I say go for it.
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"My friend is getting divorced, sweet maybe I can get in there now"
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Panthera posted...

"My best friend is getting divorced, sweet maybe I can get in there now"

fixed
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Natwaf_akidna posted...

... oh man

The only man friend he allowed is the one with feelings for her

This is some soap opera **** here

Rock's life is basically a Soap Opera. It's not even hard to come up with a Soap Opera-y name. 'Diamond in the Rock'

Anyway, go for it but obviously not until after the divorce stuff is done and over with.
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Everyone always says "give her time," but is it so unreasonable to think many women in her situation would be craving new male attention after a separation?

A newly divorced man immediately tries to hit the dating scene and connect on social media with women his wife would have never put up with. No one thinks anything of it. But vulnerable women are to be protected from the gaze of men - much better for them to spend their time in isolation feeling even more miserable, makes perfect sense.

I don't buy it. Rock, take her on a couple of really fun dates and see how things go. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.
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TheRock1525 posted...

Probably. I'm so non-threatening that her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man but made the exception for me.

Hell, I was alone with her at their house multiple times while he was working and he didn't give a damn.

Not to be the downer, but what are the odds that your friend already told her ex-husband that she doesn't find you physically attractive?
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dom316 posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

Probably. I'm so non-threatening that her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man but made the exception for me.

Hell, I was alone with her at their house multiple times while he was working and he didn't give a damn.

Not to be the downer, but what are the odds that your friend already told her ex-husband that she doesn't find you physically attractive?

Friend zoned before he even had a chance. She seems you as one of her girlfriends :3

Sorry op
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CaptainOfCrush posted...

Everyone always says "give her time," but is it so unreasonable to think many women in her situation would be craving new male attention after a separation?

A newly divorced man immediately tries to hit the dating scene and connect on social media with women his wife would have never put up with. No one thinks anything of it. But vulnerable women are to be protected from the gaze of men - much better for them to spend their time in isolation feeling even more miserable, makes perfect sense.

I don't buy it. Rock, take her on a couple of really fun dates and see how things go. I don't think there's anything wrong with that.

Your approach, while well intentioned, is wrongly placed here I think

Not that there isn't a chance that she is up for that, Rock can feel that out on his own with social cues I think, but saying it under the guise of "craving male attention" and a sort of bastardized quasi-feminist angle is a bit ehhhhh.

Also I don't think anyone here would really be 100% ok with a divorced man going for a rebound right away either. There's a reason it's called a rebound and has a negative connotation, regardless of gender.

In the end, it really depends on how she feels. In general it's better to take time after something like a divorce, but that's of course not a 100% thing. But usually.....yea it's not great to be planning your move right in the mid of a divorce.
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Yeah she would have been sending out serious signals if you were her only male friend, her relationship was on the rocks (no pun intended), and she was actually attracted to you.

You'll probably destroy your friendship unless she heavily implies she's into you.
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Tokoyami posted...

In the end, it really depends on how she feels.

Absolutely. I don't think Rock should try and force anything, and he absolutely does NOT seem like the type of guy who would do that anyway. I don't think there's anything wrong with him asking her out on a date.

Nelson_Mandela posted...

You'll probably destroy your friendship unless she heavily implies she's into you.

If he's got feelings, it will probably wind up with either an escalation of the relationship or a ruined friendship. Isn't that how these things always go? Well, I guess he can also bottle up the feelings forever.
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dom316 posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

Probably. I'm so non-threatening that her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man but made the exception for me.

Hell, I was alone with her at their house multiple times while he was working and he didn't give a damn.

Not to be the downer, but what are the odds that your friend already told her ex-husband that she doesn't find you physically attractive?

How long has Rock known her? If they go way back it's quite possible she basically put her foot down and/or played up her disinterest in him, but even if I wouldn't say it improves his odds much.
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I don't see this going well
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I dunno bud, she could get upset because she needs you as a friend through this difficult time. You also don't want to just be a rebound.

Good luck with whatever you decide.
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Is this the one you drove cross country to help once and then they like kicked you out early or something
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I misread the topic and thought the guy was your best friend >_>

If the girl is your best friend, then (pun... intended) be her rock. And maybe, just maybe, things will go from there. Just be as good of a friend as you can be right now. Don't make any moves until you think she's ready. But invite her to hang out as friends. Be subtle with your romantic interest, but make sure you're there for her when she needs you.

They always say you want to marry your best friend, so... good luck.
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TheRock1525 posted...

her husband wouldn't let her be friends with a man

is this why they got divorced?

EDIT: or part of the reason?
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Wow, didn't expect this to explode while I slept.

Anyway, I think people might be confusing "make a move" with "get into a relationship with her" when I really have no intention of that and really mean "knock boots with her". The truth of the matter is that this is an on-going thing with her and her husband, and she's told me multiple times she wanted to leave and I always tried to encourage her to stay, mostly because their differences never seemed physically or psychologically abusive. There's obviously a big blind spot that I don't get to see their day-to-day life but in the few times I interacted with him both directly and indirectly he always seemed like an upstanding guy. Even now while he's going to a divorce lawyer I keep asking her if she thinks this is the right thing to do and she seems to be telling me it's more his choice than hers at this point.

But yeah, this is purely in a physical attraction mindset, not thinking long-term or anything. She already has three kids and her tubes tied, I still want kids of my own. I don't really have any romantic feelings for her and our friendship kind of went through the ringer lately but we've gotten back on good terms in the past few months. I also don't intend to do anything to take advantage of her, but she also used to ask me to do weird stuff before hand of a sexual nature. Like she wanted to get a hotel and asked me to stay with her when she didn't want to be around him, which I politely declined because he's a marine and probably would have killed me being alone with his wife in a random-ass hotel. She actually once offered sex but it's a very convoluted and long story I don't feel like talking about, but she did remark that her husband wouldn't know (I initially proposed back a threesome but she said he'd never go for it). I, once again, politely declined and felt a little insulted that it seemed she thought she could manipulate me with sex and combined with other things kind of led to us having a falling out for a while.

I don't have any intention of taking advantage of her if she's vulnerable, but at the same time if an opportunity presents itself I'm gonna think strongly about taking it this time.
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TheRock1525 posted...

The truth of the matter is that this is an on-going thing with her and her husband, and she's told me multiple times she wanted to leave and I always tried to encourage her to stay, mostly because their differences never seemed physically or psychologically abusive.

Just based on this topic, if he's controlling who she can and can't be friends with, it sounds toxic and she's better off without him. Maybe he seems like a decent enough dude around you (an acquaintance, also a guy) but directing her friendships seems like a huge red flag.
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This is the last text he sent me:

Can you please talk to Amber. She's legit sad that you aren't talking to her. If you don't want to be friends with her anymore just let her know. But this silent treatment isn't cool man. One way or another, some sort of resolution and clarity needs to happen. I don't like seeing her so upset and feeling like she's a bad person because people don't respond to her when she reaches out. You're the only guy friend I'm ok with her having in this regard, and that's saying something. So please just address the situation.
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TheRock1525 posted...

Anyway, I think people might be confusing "make a move" with "get into a relationship with her" when I really have no intention of that and really mean "knock boots with her".

that's what i thought, yeah. i don't really see how a friendship can work when you're in love with the person you're best friends with.

but uh yeah, if you just want to bang and she's not feeling bad then go for it. (i find that hard to imagine as all the divorces i've witnessed have been extremely dramatic [some even traumatic], but you obviously know their situation better than i do.)
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and yeah, wtf @ the guy controlling who she can be friends with. if she'd been my best friend i would've told her to get the fuck away from him asap.
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I still think it's a bit weird to be like "aw yea she's getting a divorce time to fuck her" but hey if she's down for it and whatever then I guess it works out
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Mr Lasastryke posted...

and yeah, wtf @ the guy controlling who she can be friends with. if she'd been my best friend i would've told her to get the fuck away from him asap.

He's probably of the old school mindset that guys and girls can't be "just friends" and guys will naturally push for more, but he ended up having a lot of trust in me. And it's not exactly like she'd be a-ok with him having a female best friend (which I called her out on that hypocrisy a couple of times and got the bog-standard "but you're different.")

Then again, my friend is a camgirl who literally did shows with his twin sister so it's odd what he will and will not tolerate.
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...Well no wonder there are trust issues
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TheRock1525 posted...

Then again, my friend is a camgirl who literally did shows with his twin sister so it's odd what he will and will not tolerate.

wait what
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TheRock1525 posted...

Then again, my friend is a camgirl who literally did shows with his twin sister so it's odd what he will and will not tolerate.

way to bury the god damn lead
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Keep in mind we became friends after they married, so it's kinda understandable why there'd be a little bit of paranoia compared to, say, a childhood friend.
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GuessMyUserName posted...

TheRock1525 posted...

Then again, my friend is a camgirl who literally did shows with his twin sister so it's odd what he will and will not tolerate.

way to bury the god damn lead

lede
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This topic is escalating quickly
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My friends got divorced, but then after a few months they became really good friends. He just wasn't romantically interested in her anymore, but once she moved out they were able to stay friends.
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Well this topic's gone places.
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