Lurker > MrMallard

>Mega Man X5
>Opening credits feature Zero more than X

and I know it gets worse too, lmao

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I took a long break between starting X4 and finishing it, so I can't give you a ranking. 2 and 3 are a blur, and I didn't like 4 so much. My gut is telling me 1>2>4>3, only because 3's final boss had the most bullshit hitbox and it felt hokier and cheaper than 2, which in turn felt hokier and cheaper than 1.

I know 4 is a fan favorite, but I can't get past the trappings of the PS1 format. The loading screens and the annoying voice for X are just annoying, and I didn't really like the last boss. I liked the Double twist, legitimately didn't see that one coming, but it feels kinda herky-jerky and crusty due to its format whereas the SNES games - especially X1 - have aged remarkably well.

I will say that I didn't bother with the Zero campaign though, I tried a little bit and I just wasn't into it. I'm here to play Jump n' Shoot Man, Zero's cool but like c'mon. I'll consider going back and trying it, but otherwise I could just watch a playthrough or the cutscenes and get the same result. I already know that Iris replaces Double and her boss fight leads to that classic meme cutscene.

But yeah, Legacy Collection 2 was on sale so I got it. I'm looking forward to playing it, for better and for worse (hello X7).

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You might want to consult a pet owner's forum or subreddit or something. While it's upsetting, a part of me wants to say that nature is ugly and that this happens sometimes. Like sometimes - spoilered for your consideration, as it concerns animal death - animals like hamsters eat their newborns.

I can't speak with any authority, so please seek out a platform where people will be able to give you more solid advice. But I wouldn't necessarily say that this reflects on the cat's state of mind. Maybe it could, or maybe this is an example of how ugly nature can be.

I'm not saying this to be glib or upsetting - but if the mother cat kills another one, then by all means save the last one. But until you have a range of informed opinions from other pet owners or an expert source like a vet, I don't know if this should reflect poorly on the mother cat or not.

Sometimes, animal offspring die at the hands of their parents. Sometimes it's a product of violence or malevolence that you can prevent, and other times it's just nature.

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you can still kinda see my facial hair tho

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Then you saw him walking his pitbull, so you made a post about how all of them should be shot in the head and burnt in a massive pile.

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I've had time to really digest the song and let it sit. I was hype at the time, but after listening to it a couple times I've refined my thoughts a bit.

I think my favorite song of his is Sun Goes Down, but I think Industry Baby is his best song.

Legitimately, I think this song is gonna go on to define his career. And I think it was smart to save it for the third single. If he posted it first, I don't think Montero and Sun Goes Down would have had a chance - Industry Baby is a tough act to follow, and it's such an anthem that I feel like it can't be topped.

Say what you want, but the song addresses his critics, reaffirms his priorities as an artist and addresses his audience - you were never really rooting for him anyway, so why bother trying to win a hostile crowd? He's got fans and he's got numbers, and he's got it all while embracing something that he's been made to feel ashamed for and being true to himself. And shit, he's even got a Kanye beat to drop all of that over.

Love him or hate him, Lil Nas X is the face of a new generation of music. This single proves it. He's gotten 35 million hits in 4 days, he's trending on YouTube at #1, this song is probably going to #1 on the charts if it hasn't already and he's not backing down. And frankly, good for him.

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Nothing like getting nut os from a great value honey

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NeonOctopus posted...

But she can BE the sister too! Win/win!

I feel like someone must have written a polyamorous relationship between Phoenix, Mia and Maya. Probably one that's too smutty for its own good.

Like it's weird enough imagining a relationship with a pair of siblings in a relationship with the same person, let alone where one of them is dead and possesses the body of her living sister to spend time with their mutual partner. But it's just so bizarre and creepy that it must already exist somewhere on the internet.

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Heartomaton posted...

Her sister was hotter.

Mia was a bombshell, I'll give you that. I feel like had she lived for long enough, she would have looked like Candace Bergen from Boston Legal.

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Respect. Everyone's got an OTP.

I'd tell you to go and read fanfiction, but most of it is probably Phoenix/Edgeworth.

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WingsOfGood posted...

https://youtu.be/WVT3UPrUWQM

https://youtu.be/FHO6a2H-pqY

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RenescoStCewl posted...

If this stops them from assaulting children I'm all for it.

That's if this was a measure undertaken to expose predatory behavior in the first place. From the looks of things, it's more likely that this church official was targeted by a Catholic publication with the intent of blackmailing him, shaming him or ruining his career and reputation.

It might not be kosher for this guy to fuck around with other guys as a man of the cloth, but I maintain that outing this man - to the point that they hired an independent firm to analyse the information they bought to ensure it was this specific guy they caught - was worse. It wasn't for anyone's wellbeing, if anything it seems like he was outed to protect the sanctity of the church from a homosexual fornicator.

And frankly, if this man was a pedophile and using his status to rape kids, I feel like the church would cover it up and reassign him rather than let him resign in shame. I can't vouch for the reputation of the Catholic publication, but unless they have a track record of denouncing pedophile priests and speaking in opposition to the Vatican's protection of them, I'm not convinced that this was an altruistic gesture by a group of radicals and reformationists waging a war against Vatican sex crimes.

When they're gay and/or having sex, Catholics are just "keeping them honest" by ousting them from their positions, but when they're child molesters, suddenly they're good men of the cloth besieged by heinous mistruths. Unless this publication has a record of breaking from the Vatican line and calling out child predators, I see no reason to assume selfless intent in what they did.

I'll eat my words if that was the purpose of this investigation, and this guy was using Grindr to groom children, but there's no reason to think that this guy was doing anything but hooking up with other consenting adult men through the app.

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WingsOfGood posted...

He is an innocent man.

Innocent men get charged all the time. And so it goes.

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I googled him before deciding, in case there was a breaking news story about him being a piece of shit or something. I know he could be douchey and pretentious at times, but he made some great music. I couldn't list all my favorites.

I did find an article comparing my prime minister to Billy Joel, in that according to him, they're both hollow masters of pastiche. But even at his worst, Billy Joel has brought more goodness to our world than that sack of shit Scott Morrison. So y'know what, I'm voting hero.

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As in each episode leads into the next one, as opposed to each episode being episodic.

As mixed as Chibnall's run has been, one thing in particular that I appreciate is that he's experimenting. Series 11 only had original monsters, series 12 took a huge gamble on the season finale, and now series 13 is going to maintain continuity from episode to episode over the entire season.

I can't wait. John Barrowman's involvement is going to feel weird given his history of inappropriate exposure, but I'm still incredibly excited to see how this season ends up.

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If Fantano doesn't give the album an 8 or higher, I'm gonna riot.

Assuming the album is as solid as the singles, which is what I'm hoping for.

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Aight - the first one I heard about on Friday. The guy explained it like this:

You can close your eyes or keep them open, depending on where you are or what would help you focus better. Then focus on your feet. How do they feel? How do they connect to the floor, and how do they connect to you?

Then make your way up your body, focusing on different body parts and how they connect to their surroundings.

I tried it for a second and it helped a little bit, but it's still new so idk what to expect.

The second one is actually the name of a webcomic I follow, the creator named it after this technique. The name of the webcomic is Close Your Eyes, Look At The Mountains - with the idea being that you close your eyes and you imagine something off in the distance. It can be mountains, as the name says, but it could be a tree, a building, a lamp post - anything you want.

As you imagine the thing, try and focus in on it. Does the mountain have snow on it? Try and make out individual crags on it. Or if it's a building - is it made of bricks? Wood, maybe? What does the roof look like? Focus in on the details.

Hopefully they help.

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That final dancing scene in the prison yard is going to be iconic, I can feel it.

It definitely reminded me of a Kanye beat, though it took a while for it to grow on me. I thought it was really repetitive to begin with, but it really sunk in by the end there and I was vibing with it.

When Sun Goes Down came out, I LOVED it but I needed a second verse. But with this song coming out... I feel like Sun Goes Down is gonna be a solid intermission track on the eventual album. Like in the grand scheme of things, Sun Goes Down is going to be an incredible down-tempo bridge leading into an incredibly hype banger like this song.

And the range on this guy! He did a steamy Latin summer jam with Montero, a jangly down-tempo RnB cut with Sun Goes Down and a brassy, powerful club banger with Industry Baby. Montero on its own could have been anyone's guess, and with Sun Goes Down the themes of what can be presumed to be an eventual album began to establish themselves. But Industry Baby is the key to everything.

It's established Lil Nas X's range as a musician, and all three songs stand out for their spectacular production. And what's more, their differences only make their quality stand out even more. All three are spectacularly produced songs, all three target very different niches of music, and all 3 excel at different things which make their accomplishments all the more notable.

Like at this point I'm gushing, but I think this project is going to be huge. I think I'm a Lil Nas X fan.

Edit: also, it's all tying together. Like the guard was watching the Montero music video, sure, but the book Lil Nas X got the tools in had the mystical cross-legged character he played in Sun Goes Down on the front. They're setting something up.

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I'll check in as the situation progresses, though if this topic purges I'll make a new one. I made this topic when I was severely hungover and it was hard to string a coherent paragraph together - it's a lot of baggage to carry around, so I'm not that fussed if it gets purged. The next one will get off on the right foot.

I won't be a stranger either way - the support I've gotten over the course of this thread means a lot, and I promise I'll follow up as the situation progresses.

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Fuck, a musician I like lives there. Whatever the fuck is happening in Durham, I hope he's alright.

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I've heard that one's master's thesis is one of the most stressful times in a person's life. This is what your entire college career has been building towards, it's the application of your total sum of knowledge to something that's completely and entirely yours. You might never be under so much pressure again in your life, or it may lead to a distinguished career full of milestones and innovations and discoveries that involve their own periods of extreme pressure.

I didn't go to university though, so I'm just talking out of my ass based on what I've heard - you're there in the trenches, though, and you'd probably benefit from a confirmed account. Someone who went to uni or college would be a better source, so by all means take what I just said with a grain of salt.

Let me just say though, Big Relate to the part about waiting for counselling and not being sure if you're gonna make it or not. I just went through the same thing, as you might have seen. I got through it by counting down the days, though that might not be enough to help you. It was very hit and miss for me.

If it'd help, I can offer some mindfulness exercises that other people have given to me. I find that they have a grounding effect - like when the pressure gets to be too much and you feel like you're spiralling and you can't orient yourself, the exercises put you in touch with your immediate surroundings and can help bring you back, even if it doesn't necessarily reset the clock on the entire experience. idk if that's relatable to what you're experiencing, and thus idk if they would be useful to you, but I thought I'd offer.

It might be worth looking into burnout and crunch. It sounds like you're working for EA or Activision-Blizzard, who work their employees totally ragged like that. And on that note, I will say that while - at least from what I've heard - the master's thesis seems to be one of the most stressful periods of someone's education, burnout is A) common, B) almost certainly likely in such a high pressure environment and C) not a measure by which to measure your self-worth or whether you have what it takes to cut it in your field.

You're right to be seeking help for this, and I can empathise directly with your struggle in waiting for the support that you need. If there's anything you need, don't hesitate to let us know.

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Strider102 posted...

Not even Mega Man Zero?

I haven't played Zero yet either, at least not to such a serious degree. I gave it a try as a teenager but I didn't take to it.

Once I finish the X series I'm thinking of getting the Z legacy collection, though. From what I hear though, the original Z game is incredibly unforgiving and kind of obtuse with its checkpoints, saving and mechanics. But that's neither here nor there.

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GameGodOfAll posted...

I hope those Australian cops know a thing or two about police brutality and excessive force.

I get that the guy punching the horse is a scumbag, and I'm not gonna cry if he gets carted off to jail kicking and screaming all the way, but I can't say I agree with your phrasing. The less like America we become, the better.

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He wasn't the first, and he probably won't be the last. No sympathy for someone who used what influence he had in life to downplay the danger of the thing that ended up killing him.

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I've only played the first 4 so far, but so far Mega Man X is the best game in that entire series and it might end up being the best X game outright. To that end, it might be one of the finest run-and-gun type games ever made.

It evolved the Mega Man formula in a handful of ways, such as the boss gauntlet changing from the standard Mega Man warp room to a series of encounters within a continuous action setpiece of a level, which later games reneged on for the sake of maintaining the aforementioned formula.

2020 was the first time I got to sit down with a controller and play Mega Man X, and it was the first time I ever agreed with the hype. Mega Man X has aged like wine, keeping up with an entire industry of indie successors and possibly rising above every other entry in its home series. And it's held onto that reputation for almost thirty years.

I haven't played the last half of the X series, but as it stands, Mega Man X hasn't been topped by any of the games that followed it - not in its own series, and I would argue not even within its own genre.

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That's really rough dude. I'm sorry to hear you can't visit him at the moment.

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This thread's long enough, and I've talked about myself a metric fuckton since I started it, so from this point on I'll let it purge.

Guide posted...

You still hanging in there fam?

Yeah. I woke up feeling pretty depressed, like moreso than the past few days where I've gotten drunk and had that worsening hangover depression. Today was just like... legs don't work, go back to sleep. Nothing short of an immediate threat to my life was gonna get me out of bed today.

But now that I am awake and alert, I feel okay. Venting helped yesterday. Gotta make a doctor's appointment tomorrow to go on another waiting list.

It's like I said in the OP, I'm only okay because I have to be - but saying that, I am capable of pulling myself together for long enough to be reasonably functional when I need to. If you're hearing from me on CE, then for the most part I'm probably fine. If there's no meltdown thread like this I'm probably okay.

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Shablagoo posted...

Can no one answer my question? I find it very strange that he had been diagnosed but was not on treatment. Youre virtually guaranteed treatment for HIV/AIDS in America, regardless of your ability to pay.

There's a subset of people called spreaders, who fantasize about getting diseases and spreading them to other people. There's a community of people who've developed their own terminology for it, like a HIV positive person being poz or a person getting infected being pozzed.

It extends to people who fantasize about getting infected as well, and I imagine the thought is that they can spread it to others themselves. Really fucked up, disturbing stuff.

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Good, fuck him, don't spread incurable and potentially life-threatening diseases. What an absolute piece of shit.

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"Y'know Joel, we really are the last of us."

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Revnir posted...

And by steak she means the neighbor

*zaps with the begone wand*

Robot2600 posted...

and she's your step mom

and she's stuck under the bed???????

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and pours ketchup all over it

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limp-bizkit-89 posted...

wow. I had no idea psychiatrists worked like that.

I also thought the progression was psychologist, then psychiatrist.

this was very illustrating

I mean, that's just the course of action mine took. I couldn't say one way or the other if that's a standard experience.

And full disclosure, I could be wrong on the order. The twin P terms are hard for me to keep straight. I dunno.

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limp-bizkit-89 posted...

@MrMallard
have you been trying to see a psychologist or a psychiatrist?

if the former, have you looked for the latter? Or vice versa

I was seeing a psychiatrist, but I was having trouble keeping up with the paperwork. It wasn't much paperwork, but I needed to fill it incrementally over the course of a month and there would be times where my mood would dip and I just couldn't do it. If you skip out on an entry even once, it invalidates the whole sheet and interrupts the data, so there were a lot of false starts.

Psychiatry is a necessary step in the path to recovery, but it wasn't a level of care that I was equipped for yet. I realised that I needed to take a step back and start from the start - counselling, then psychiatry, then psychology.

There's a tense vibe that happens when what I'm looking for doesn't match up with what the mental healthcare professional is going for. It happened once before, where to try and get me on her track, a counsellor told me that she didn't think she could help me. I was feeling pretty vulnerable at the time and the thought of being given up on made me cry - only for her to go "the fact that you had that reaction means that there's progress you can make", which led to me closing myself off to her.

I could feel that same tension coming from my psychiatrist. And I understand, because if I don't do the paperwork like she asks, I'm fucking around and wasting her time. So to get to a point where I'm not fucking around and wasting her time, I need to downgrade and stay the full course.

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Vicious_Dios posted...

How dare you post my selfies like that

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I'm not an Iron Maiden fan, but that cover art fucks hard

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Flauros posted...

Have you been drinking?

Not tonight, I'm just posting cringe on main because it makes me feel good

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The target audience for this thread is miniscule but I thought I'd share them anyway.



The protagonist of Standard Bitter Love Song #1 when his partner says "I don't love you any more":


Every time I listen to Minnesota I'm like


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pogo_rabid posted...

What the fuck, you have voice clips of Quinton Flynn begging for nudes in character. Dude is absolutely a scumbag who targeted his fans for sexual contact, and he had a pattern of doing it too. Entire text conversations and voice clips and everything were leaked that proved without a shadow of a doubt how much of a slimeball he is.

The sleaze of the guy is off the charts, and I'm glad people have distanced themselves from him.

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You must be THIS tall to blast a fat load

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I was gonna say - this topic reminded me of a Pete and Bas verse:

"Whatcha know about sticks / whatcha know about lasers / whatcha know bout punchin a fed off a horse and getting tasered"

Probably the hardest line dropped by a 70+ year old performer.

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unnamedsoldier posted...

I thought the lockdowns were over

The delta variant hit the country pretty hard. The northern beaches area of NSW went back into lockdown, then I think it hit Victoria again, and then some guys took it to Sydney.

From there, it's hit areas where it never got to the first time, like Orange and Blayney. I live in a small town, and EVERYONE is taking this super seriously - you could get around town without a mask the first time because we were so far removed from the action and there was this feeling of "we'll mask up when it starts getting closer". This time, no-one is risking it.

The worst part is that Sydney-siders are fucking leaving Sydney and coming to the country, which fucks us all over. The guys who took it to Orange knew they had COVID, it killed their mum. Three tour buses showed up at Taronga Zoo in Dubbo out of Sydney - no word if anyone was sick, but they left a hotspot to go to the zoo and put Dubbo at risk. So fuck these protesting troglodytes even more, because they're putting parts of the country at risk today who have managed to avoid the threat for over a year.

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Eramir posted...

You need a professional, I seriously doubt anyone on CE is qualified to help you. It would even better to search YouTube on someone who recovered from rock bottom. I like David Goggins story.

For sure. For what it's worth, I feel bad spreading my weight like this. I'm just venting to cope, because it feels like I don't have any other options.

I'm sorry to put any pressure on you or anyone else, I understand that what I'm saying is extremely heavy and it's a taxing burden to place on someone. But I just need somewhere to vent.

masticatingman posted...

If youre having mental health issues, drinking alcohol is about the last thing you should be doing.

I agree, self-medicating is bad. I'm conscious of the fact that alcohol makes my depression worse, and that I'm essentially burning myself out like a candle by using alcohol the way I'm using it.

The reason I'm using alcohol is because the process I'm undertaking to get the healthier alternative, the thing that will actually help me, is taxing beyond the point that I can cope with it by itself. I've been told to do mindfulness exercises and they help, but I am being stretched to my breaking point and my sober self can't handle the pressure. I just can't.

Like, I'm pretty sure I've cried more these past 3 months than I have in the past 15 years. I broke my sobriety earlier this year because I hit emotional depths I didn't know I had. And at no point do I want to justify the degree to which I'm drinking, because it's awful - when I took my first drink after three and a half months, the first thought I had was that alcohol is a road that will lead to my own death if I let it. I am fully aware of the severity of my actions.

clyde_frog posted...

Minus the alcohol part, this topic reminds me of what I was going through late last year up until March. I fell into this deep depression where I would do nothing, not fall asleep until 8am, and eat fast food and delivery pizza nearly every day.

Last year was a rough time for sure. It wasn't even COVID for me, though it was absolutely a factor - it was the Australian bushfires. I would check the fire map every day to make sure my dad had an opportunity to escape if they got too close to where he lives.

It was actually the trauma of last year that set off the events that have led to all of this. Like there's a direct link. I don't want to talk about it, but there is a direct link.

Thank you for the suggestions. I'm at a point where everything feels shitty and insurmountable, but it means a lot that you're trying to help me out.

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Froakie posted...

Thats all drinking will do.. I admit I drink all the time so its not on me to tell you not too, but as a fellow alcoholic, you need to stop.

For sure, I'm going to make a serious effort to stop when I get some counselling.

I was actually sober for three and a half months at the start of the year because I did myself a mischief last year. At the time I thought it was my liver - and I was doing damage to my liver, got tested for liver enzymes in my blood and the results came back pretty bad. But I think it's more to do with caffeinated/sugary alcoholic beverages, like premixed bourbon and cola which was my quarantine go-to. I only resumed drinking because I didn't have the means to process my mental issues while sober, and the options afforded to me were endure what I felt to be an unendurable burden, lash out - which I didn't want to do - or drink. And I knew it was a stopgap measure at best until I fixed whatever was wrong with me, but I didn't have the support I needed at the time and it kept me safe during some of the most advanced depression I've ever felt in my life.

That's not to try and justify drinking or alcohol as "good". Alcohol was a port in a storm, I re-engaged with it knowing the risks, and frankly I'm right back where I started which is a bad thing. I took care to try and not relapse, as one thing I read about relapsing is that it's moreso about falling back into old habits rather than tainting your life with a single sip of alcohol. You don't throw away or destroy the progress you made by imbibing, but you do relapse when you begin abusing it again. And despite the care I took to prevent myself from relapsing, I have relapsed. But that's the reason why.

Seriously, between the feelings that led me back to alcohol and the past three months, this has probably been the worst I've ever felt. I've had some shit years, and 2021 might go down as the worst year of my life.

My fear regarding this friend is that I'm going to be like "oh my god I'm so sorry, please be okay" and it's going to be shitty. She said something to the effect of "I'm not going to be okay ever again, and if anyone says that I will be, I'll fucking kill them". I can't do that to her.

And just a general statement to whoever's reading this - her husband had just died. If reading that rubbed you the wrong way, please keep it to yourself. Don't judge my friend based on that statement alone.

Just... I can't let her down. I can't make her life worse. And I'm worried that one of these days I'm going to say the wrong thing and it's going to hurt her.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape

Payzmaykr posted...

Sorry youre going through this, man. I sometimes feel like Ive exhausted my options of who to talk to, also. It really sucks when this place is the only place you can go.

At least there's some anonymity and looseness to posting on a forum under an alias. If I post stuff like this on Discord or social media, people are basically forced to see it in the course of their engagement with the platform. On GameFAQs, you can skip over it if you don't feel like interacting with it or don't care.

I feel a lot more free posting here too, like I'm not going to alienate myself. There's absolutely an element of risk, with known doxxers who still actively post on the board, but there's still that looseness that makes CE a good place to post.

Guerrilla Soldier posted...

it does sound really difficult. i think the doctor cancelling out last minute, even if it was for legit health purposes, is still a bit of a slap in the face... shouldn't mental health doctors be aware of how this can affect people, and have some kind of backup plan for it? maybe that's expecting too much from a doctor

The reason the sessions took a month is because she was going on holiday in July. I contacted my GP at a point in time where there was enough hope that I'd be able to pursue face-to-face counselling, but where she was not going to take on a new client until she got back.

And my mindset is that if she got health news that was so bad she decided to stop practicing medicine for the next 5 months, it must be really fucking bad. I was on the phone to her in late June, and she told me she'd be back to work on the 21st and I'd see her on the 23rd.

I'd be upset with the practice for not letting me know if she called up on the 21st and told them that she wasn't coming back. I got a (presumably automated) text on the 22nd asking me to confirm my appointment, even.

Now, my actual GP - I don't know what to make of her. My last doctor was great, but he left town in December to see his family and he didn't come back. I like to give people the benefit of the doubt and see the best in them, but I don't know if this doctor suits me, y'know. We don't gel well, and I feel like I'm on eggshells around her, which is a feeling I get around a lot of people. I shouldn't feel that way about my doctor.

Master Kazuya posted...

Is there anything you are actively putting off doing that you need to do, like looking for a job, paying some debt, moving, etc?

To be frank, I've been losing more and more control over my life in years. I've been thinking of moving lately, but despite the benefits - one of which being that I'll be forced to quit drinking cold turkey to maintain the budget necessary to rent my own place - it's such a massive effort that I've resigned myself to staying here for the time being.

And that feeling permeates more or less everything in my life. The inciting incident that triggered this three month meltdown has basically just fast-tracked it - it's like the past 8 years on this road to hell has been going at supermarket car park speed, and the past three months are analogous to the speed and frantic energy of drunk-driving directly into a tree.

I understand what you're saying, and I appreciate the advice. Doing something productive feels good. Accomplishing something and taking back some measure of control when you're in a tailspin can help a ton. At the moment though, I don't think that's in the cards for me. That's one reason why I'm looking for counselling - an exercise like this isn't enough.

teep_ posted...

I'm sorry you're going through this, man, and I wish you all the best

Don't ever feel you've exhausted your goodwill to vent about the things that are affecting you. There are absolutely people out there who care and are willing to lend an ear, myself included

Thanks teep. You're a good friend. I try not to put this stuff directly on anyone's shoulders, though I appreciate that you care enough to offer that.

And a general thank you to everyone for their well-wishes. Thank you for caring.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape

RedJackson posted...

Its all good and fwiw I think what youre feeling is at least very rational

If you cant take care of yourself right now thats one thing, but trying to help out someone else can be a problem sometimes with that going on.. If you want to talk to her and it distracts you for a bit though, why not? Its okay >_>

People can grieve together and thats not a problem at all if you want to focus on that if it helps you stay grounded to the Earth.

okay can mean different things, I know you waited on that appointment and if it helped to count the days.. well, count the days again itll feel weird or awkward, almost like youre just blowing off how you feel but thats not really true

its just how you really feel, I guess you can just forget about it and just ride the days out

do you have anyone to talk to irl?

Counting might work again, but I don't think it'll be as effective. I counted down the days, and nothing happened. I was disappointed. The "magic" of it, for lack of a better term, is gone. A more dramatic way of phrasing it might be that my hope is shattered.

A big aspect of my troubles is that I've isolated myself from the friends I felt the most comfortable being around, and the few friends I do have are like drinking buddies. I don't think I can turn to them, at least not yet. Family and friends are out of the picture, and I've been relying heavily on platforms like GameFAQs where I have friends and acquaintances to help bear the burden when it gets to be a bit much.

ModLogic posted...

beyond blue sounds disgusting. acting like they care with those commercials.

They offer an important service, I just felt a bit jaded by the end of it. It had the same problems as the rest of my search.

I do believe that helplines can help, and I actually got some solid advice in the end despite it not being the standard of care that I needed. This second helpline I spoke to at the hospital was much worse. It's more of a preference thing to my understanding - there's known discourse about whether helplines actually help people, and it does meet a standard of care for certain people and helps them with their issues.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape

Winrawr posted...

Your hospital trip wasn't a waste of time. I am regularly deal with nurses who don't respect mental health issues especially alcoholism. It may be prudent to not lead with it even thigh you shouldn't have to hide it.

The level of suffering you've described is very concerning and warrants medical attention. Keep trying if you have health insurance. You have to advocate for yourself especially when dealing with shitty nurses

The staff here isn't great, but hospitals and healthcare facilities are chronically understaffed and overworked. It didn't help, but I get it. They've got a lot going on.

The nurse I got has been really good. It feels like she's hearing what I'm saying and trying to help me. And even the one with the tone ended up being decent - she remembered me from a while ago and she didn't know why I hadn't been in touch with the mental health team here at the hospital. She said that they called, but I don't remember if they did or not.

And thank you for saying that I should be proud. All I'm trying to do is get treatment I know I need.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape

Marvel is fine, but it needs to be balanced with other projects. A healthy media landscape can't be propped up on superheroes alone.

Let's elevate other types of movies, and narrow the spotlight a little on Marvel. All or nothing is a stupid mentality when coexisting is an option.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape

I went up to the hospital. The nurse who signed me in had a bit of a tone, and the nurse who saw me called a helpline because that's the extent to which she could help.

I started the call with concerns over my drinking, and that colored the whole conversation. Even when I explained that the drinking, while extremely problematic on its own and worthy of consideration, is folding into a much larger issue regarding my mental health. That I'm self-medicating, which is bad on its own, but which I'm doing in lieu of proper mental healthcare. I rattled off all the different ways I've been seeking help, I established that my mental health is deteriorating and I can't find help, and I'm concerned about my drinking in the face of a much larger crisis.

But the entire conversation was about drug and alcohol treatment. I guess that's my fault for leading with that. And that's the thing about the help I've been seeking: they can't help in any significant way, they're only going to be in contact with you for 30 minutes or less, so when they identify what they interpret as the main issue and filter the bulk of their care through that lens, it's going to be extremely hamfisted and weighted towards that one aspect of a larger problem. And that isn't helpful. It's a similar feeling of dismissal as when someone tells you to put on a happy face.

Alcohol and drug abuse is a significant problem that exacerbates mental health issues, and I understand why a healthcare professional would hear that and see the entire problem as a matter of drug and alcohol counselling. And it is a big problem that I want to tackle alongside my deteriorating mental health, and it is making things worse. By no means am I trying to downplay the negative effect of alcohol on this whole mess. But it is a factor in a much larger mess that I'm having trouble navigating. It is not the sole lens through which I should be treated.

This hospital trip was a total waste of time, but it's all I've got until Monday. That, or I could call as many hotlines as I can to vent about my issues. But I feel like it's going to run into the same problem where there's one problem that they feel the best equipped to handle, and the other components - whether they're more or less important than the one they picked - get neglected.

And I don't blame them necessarily. I understand that there's a significant limitation via the medium, there's a time constraint for services like Beyond Blue, and ultimately they're only ever going to be in your life for the duration of that call and there's only so much they can do.

---

But I don't have to make this mistake, and I don't have to stay this way.
Now Playing: Persona 5 Strikers, Oxenfree, Oldschool Runescape