Lurker > HotLap

Thinking about trying NaNoWriMo this year. Any tips on how to outline the story so when November rolls around I can just put words to screen?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

@ this motherbooper

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

AirFresh posted...

I'm so, so sorry man. How are you going to explain it to your friends? :(

I dont know, Ive been hiding. I basically isolated myself once I realized the pizza wasnt coming. They figured it out though, they must have thought I was lying. They keep messaging me saying stuff like hey dink, hey... fuckin idiot or something, hey you weak lil... yknow... johnnie boy. I just read them and rock back and forth on my bed.

It sucks man. How could you do this?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

You think I care if you're sorry? I told EVERYONE I was gonna eat PIZZA paid for by the GameFAQS administrative board. I bragged to my friends, family, really anyone who would listen. People said, "Wow you must be very lucky," and I pretended not to hear them but I was so far above them.

But no, you ruined it all. My pizza, my power, my new terrible attitude. Thanks a lot, you absolute pile.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

WaterLink posted...

I really like DKM's Blackout album

https://youtu.be/yn7DavxmzkA

Also whens the next CYOA coming bro?

I blacked out on Wednesday and apparently wrote one at like 1:30AM. I saw it in my AMP the next day and it was AWFUL. Good thing no one posted in it yet so I just deleted it lol. I definitely have been feeling the writing itch though, so soon probably.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

MC_BatCommander posted...

Former R. Kelly collaborator Nick Cannon?!

Dad... this isnt a good time for us to reunite.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Im very hungover today and this song is hitting me where I live.

https://youtu.be/3rWCPyFm6EE

Edit: oh and if were talking Dropkick Murphys

https://youtu.be/WB9OnscSCkc

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Your fourteen year old golden retriever stands from her squat, leaving behind a fresh pile of dump. "Thanks, Rosie," you think to yourself as you pick up the dump with a rubber glove. You gag as you sprint over and throw the turd on top of a cigarette butt and a People magazine. You carefully peel off the glove and add it to the pile. Hmm... what else? You've burned Rosie's poop enough times to know you'll need something to counterbalance the stench. You grab a handful of pine needles and sprinkle them over the dog poop.

You run over to your dad who's scrolling through his tablet on the patio. "Dad, can I have the matches?"
Your dad looks down his reading glasses to meet your gaze. "What do you need the matches for?"
You fidget nervously. "I'm gonna burn Rosie's poop with one of mom's magazines."
"Again?" Dad places the tablet on the table. "I know you're getting stir crazy during quarantine, but is this the hobby we really need to dive headfirst into?"
"I'm a prince of hell, Dad," you mumble.
"I know, I know," Dad replies. "I mean, I don't "know" know, y'know? I'm not the king of Hell so I don't understand how you're a prince."
"Well you wouldn't be my dad, Satan would."
Dad rubs his nose and takes his glasses off. He folds them neatly on the table and takes your shoulders in his hands. He opens his mouth as if to speak, but instead just sighs. "Well if you make it big in Hell, don't forget about the guy who raised you. And be careful with the matches."
You smile as you snatch the matches and start to skip back to the dung pile.
"And don't go summoning any demons! I won't be taking care of it!" your dad calls after you.

You swipe the tip of the match across the striker, but it doesn't ignite. You try it once more, nothing again. You utter a slight grunt as you try a third time and spark a flame. Your fingers are a little too close and you quickly feel your fingertips burning. You let out a small yelp and drop the match on the lawn. You quickly stomp out the flame before it can set the grass on fire.
"Everything okay over there?" Dad calls out.
"Yep!" you call back before looking down and murmuring, "Sorry, Dad. I'm usually better with matches. You'll see when we meet."
You strike the second match on your first attempt, holding the blaze to the People magazine. It ignites way faster than you anticipated, as a three foot tall plume of flames shoot out from the People cover. You stumble backwards onto the lawn, inhaling the scent of a very smelly autumn. Soon, a shadow starts to form in the flames. The shadow grows darker and more defined as the flames burn hotter. One of the shadow's arms reaches forward. You spot a sickly beige hand stick out from the flaming tabloid pillar. The rest of the arm follows, then an emaciated torso and skinny legs. On top of the shoulders is a head way too big for the malnourished body beneath it, with two miniature horns emerging from above the creature's eyebrows. The imp stands about two feet tall, and the fire that berthed it did not go out as he emerged from the passage. He continues to burn away in your backyard. He locks eyes with you, cocks his head sideways, and gurgles loudly, but curiously.

Dad shouts, "Whoa whoa whoa!" from the patio and rushes to your side, sweeping you behind his legs. "Stay back!"
You tremble for a moment, then try to get past Dad's grasp. "I brought him here."
"And what did I tell you about summoning demons?" Dad asks.
"...Don't?"
"That's right, I said don't," he nods. "Now what are we gonna do? We can't keep it here, who knows if it'll get along with Rosie."
You and Dad turn to look at Rosie who is barking full tilt at a watering can.
"She's not looking the right direction, but she can tell something's off," Dad nods at you. "We can't load the..."
"Demon," you jump in.
"-entity," Dad insists, "into the car either. He'll burn up the Sonata something fierce. Also I don't know how coronavirus effects these guys, but I bet they can't wear a mask."

Dad removes his face mask from his pocket and tosses it limply on the imp's face. The mask burns away to ash as the imp stares indignantly at Dad.
"See, that's unsafe at a fire code level and at a pandemic level," Dad puts his hands on his hips.
"Dad! Stop throwing stuff on it!"
"Well, I'm sorry Junior! I don't really know what to do about the demon you summoned against my wishes."

Your neighbor Jon pops his head over the fence. "Hey! What's going on here?"
"Nothing, Jon. Just a demon my son summoned," Dad responds.
"Well after that's settled, Lucy wants to know if Junior can come over to play Mario Party later," Jon winks at you.
Ugh, you can't stand hanging out with Lucy. Her family always teases her that she's soulmates with "the boy next door" since that's how her parents met. She seems to put way too much stock into it, but you're just not interested. All you wanna do is earn a place in Hell's hall of fame. Does Hell have a hall of fame? You don't know. You don't think science has proven that one way or the other yet.
Luckily, your dad knows how you feel about the Lucy situation and responds, "Sorry, Junior is grounded tonight on the charges of bringing a creature of Hell into our mortal plane."
"Aww, you wouldn't let an otherworldly summon get in the way of true love, would you? Jon laughs.
"HE'S GROUNDED, YOU DAFT BITCH," Dad shouts as the baby demon tries to gargle over him.
Jon frowns and sinks beneath his fence.
"Thanks, Dad," you smile.
"I'm serious," he seethes. "You're grounded until we figure out what to do with this thing."

What do you do?

A) See if you can douse the flames surrounding the imp.
B) Call animal control.
C) See if the imp responds to basic commands.
D) Offer the imp some of Rosie's kibble.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

EmbraceOfDeath posted...

The Expanse series from late last year to early this year. Also volume 1 and 2 of Encyclopedia Eorzea, the lore books for FFXIV, which are fantastic and add a ton to the world. More games should have lore books like that.

Also started the Expanse books. About 200 pages from the end of Calibans War. Cant wait for Book 5 because apparently thats where shit pops off.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

At least jail lets you pee.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Thanks, I appreciate it! These weird write-ups are definitely helping me remember the details better.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

I love that he did it from his work email too.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

poop!

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Cant play tonight, but making sure it stays alive.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Theres so many different kinds too. Saut some onions, peppers, and garlic with some links, make some white rice, and boom you got dinner for three days.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Lordgold666 posted...

The average robber is unfuckable

Why did this get me so good?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

It really sucks to say this, but based on the tweets provided it seems like the users are assuming shes still alive. That lake has had a lot of drownings over the years. Its heartbreaking for her fans and most of all her son who was on the boat, but Naya had likely been dead for hours before the search even started.

I really hope that she turns up fine, but the authorities likely called off the search because they knew they were looking for a body.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=LwiBW6j80kI

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Day 14: Like fuck, dude. I can't believe I actually found someone else experiencing the time loop and died before he could elaborate on anything. There's no time for mallows today. I give Slate a professional nod as I rush past him. As I ascend the lift, there's one thought on repeat, "We're going back to Giant's Deep."

I land in the ocean next to a ship that looks a lot like mine. I'm assuming it's Gabbro's. His island is nowhere in sight. That boy is straight up stranded out here. I blast out of the water and land on the first thing I see - the construction site. That's okay though. The first time we came here we didn't know that a scroll was something you insert into walls, not something you just drop on anything that's purple. The previously unread scroll implies that there's a way to track what's being launched out of the orbiting station. I'm not sure who Daz is, but he called Cassava "love" in the translation, which makes him canonically British.

A tornado comes through the construction site and rips all the gravity out. I try to get back on the ground, but my suit's not working. I drift into a wall and push off, heading towards the abyss. This is usually no problem if my suit would respond to my input controls. Right as I have the thought "I've never seen the Push Off command before", I suffocate as I remember that I never actually put my suit on today.

Day 15: Life is full of cycles. Day and night. Spring, Summer, Autumn, and Winter. Me alienating my loved ones, slowly earning their trust back, then betraying it again. This time loop.

Yesterday, I broke the cycle by being so determined to get back to Giant's Deep, I didn't eat marshmallows with Slate. Since I wasn't full of mallows, the synapse to put on my spacesuit didn't fire. Well never again. I will eat at least two marshmallows every morning from now to eternity. But what started the cycle in the first place? What drove me to the mallows as soon as I woke up?

Yes, it was the complete respect and admiration I had for how much ass Slate crushes. I have to comment on Slate's fervent sexual appetite. I have to. Otherwise, how will I know to eat the mallows? And if I don't burn the mallows entirely the way I like 'em and not how my characters does, how will my character know to gag? If he doesn't gag, how will he know to put on his suit? it's all connected, it's all part of it. It must be done.

I shout "WAY TO FUCK BUTTS, MATE", slam my marshmallow directly into the flaming log, nearly vomit on fire and splinters, and let one thought take over. "We're going back to Giant's Deep."

As I'm on my descent to Giant's Deep, I notice I'm directly on course for the Orbital Probe Station. I immediately change course and land on top of the satellite. I sent my scout into the Launch Module. It looked less like something had blasted off and more like something had broke out of it. I could be (and probably am) wrong though. I went to the Probe Tracking Module. "I'll finally be able to see where this thing's headed," I think to myself as I step inside. But guess what? There is no Probe Tracking Module, it broke off. Another big whoopsie by the Nomai. What did Bells build this station?

In the Control Module, I find a projection stone like the one I found on the construction site. I learn that Mallow and Avens are super horny about using as much power as they can to launch the orbital probe, even wanting to exceed the maximum recommended energy levels. Gee, I wonder how the station broke apart. More translations tell me that the Orbital Probe Cannon won't fire, and that getting it to do so would require an amount of power too dangerous. So it's possible the Nomai never did fire the cannon, and that they're still extinct. But if they are extinct, who caused the cannon to fire? Although I thought there were translations in the construction site that said something DID fire. Oh boy. I should go back to the construction site again. I use a projection stone to see an intact Launch Module, but the tunnel is blocked off. I leave through the Probe Tracking Module and search for a way into the Launch Module from the outside. Unfortunately, the sun's timer goes ding and so do I.

Also I found out that Daz and Cassava are married. But Daz is still canonically British.


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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Day 13: I wake up after another traumatic death in the bowels of space with thoughts of roasted mallows and Slate's mighty thrusts racing through my mind. However, my eye is caught by something overhead and questions move in where Slate's humps should be. Did something blue just launch out of the thing that's been circling Giant's Deep? Has this been happening every day but taken me this long to notice? Am I the dumbest man alive? When I was on the Giant's Deep construction site, Nomai writing implied something had launched very recently. Did they mean like, the beginning of the day recent? But that would mean the Nomai are still alive? The questions fade away and one thought penetrates my mind as Slate would penetrate - you know what? I'm kinda over Slate pounding back walls. The thought is this - "We're going back to Giant's Deep."

I miraculously avoid the water tornadoes and actually find solid ground to land on. It seems too good to be true. I park on dry land on Giant's Deep and it only cost me 15% of my landing gear and 100% of my landing camera? Jackpot! I didn't even know I had a landing camera. That can stay broken for all I care. I stumble upon a barricaded Nomai "Statue Workshop" along with a beheaded Nomai statue on the ground. Don't worry, his whole body is gone. He can't hurt us like the Nomai statue on Timber Hearth.

Looking out at the water, I see what looks like a rocky submarine with trees cruising by. I'm tempted to chase it, but the planet's stronger gravity would just yoink me straight into the sea. Instead I'll ascend the gravity modified cliffs before me. I discover another set of Nomai ruins and read that Lami wants to watch Phlox test the "memory statues". Taget is all "no" like a dweeb. Laevi is also all "no" but in a much less dweebish way. I can see the workshop (I presume) below, but now I need to find this "more dangerous" way into it. A tornado lifts me off the ground and pummels me into the ruins overlooking the workshop, almost killing me. Okay that didn't work. We'll keep looking.

I trek on to some additional Nomai readings. Phlox is very excited for me to meet his "memory statues". I already did, mate. Shit's fucked. I die so much. He also says that if he's not in his dwelling, he's probably in his workshop. I'll probably have to go underground to get to the workshop. Gabbro is probably somewhere down there too. Too cowardly to come up to the surface and get abused by nature like the rest of us.

I head back to my ship, make some repairs and decide to head for that moving island I saw earlier. I miss. Fortunately, I once again hit dry land, much to the chagrin of 15% of my landing gear and 100% of my landing camera. Why'd I even fix those? Luckily, the island I landed on is Gabbro's camp. He's not inside the island at all. It turns out the key to finding the travelers is to bitch about how inaccessible they are. Excuse me one second, guys.

IF ONLY FUCKING FELDSPAR WOULD COME OUT OF HIS BRAMBLE SEED AND LIVE IN AGONY ON THE SURFACE LIKE THE REST OF US.

Okay, nice. That's settled. I speak to Gabbro and he reveals he's in the same time loop I am. Remember when I freaked out because I thought Chert was also stuck in the time loop, but he wasn't? I was overwhelmed by the story implications, 'member? Well it's happening again. It's happening so bad that I don't even pause the game to make these scribbles in my notebook. "That's okay," you might be thinking. "I'm sure he has time frozen when he's in conversations." No actually. You're wrong. A tornado rips through Gabbro's camp. He floats above his hammock and continues to play his horn. What a chill guy. If only I had a hammock underneath me for when the planet's aggressive gravity kicked back in and slammed me back into the ground, finishing off those nasty vitals once again.


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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Who says Im not?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

berlyman101 posted...

Mix it with white rice, salt, pepper, and high quality olive oil. throw in some dill if you have it. then eat it

I might do this one because Ive been straight up horny for dill weed over the last few months.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

KStateKing17 posted...

Idk how I feel about Mickey Mouse's balls resting on a stair rail.

Dont knock it til you try it.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

Well shit now I gotta put all this salmon on a Caesar salad or else Im gonna get banned.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.

apolloooo posted...

I read the part where your hourglass twins adventures since i travelled to them early.

My topic really is a pale imitation to yours :

Im sure thats not true but I cant read your topic to confirm.

Havent played in a week and cant tonight or Thursday, so Wednesday is gonna have to work.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.