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TopicWhat do I do with five cans of canned salmon?
HotLap
07/07/20 1:45:39 PM
#1
I went to the grocery store and while unpacking I found five cans of boneless, skinless pink salmon. I never put these in my cart. I checked my receipt and theres no salmon on it.

I have no idea what to use canned salmon for and now Ive stolen five cans of it. What do I do with it?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicThe Outer Wilds is a good game
HotLap
07/06/20 7:55:38 PM
#15
Welcome to the club of currently playing through Outer Wilds on CE.

@apolloooo and I look forward to reading your playthrough once we ourselves complete the game and can safely avoid spoilers.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicI just now realized "honk if you're horny" is a pun
HotLap
07/05/20 7:38:07 PM
#6
HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK HONK

Im honkin.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
Topicapollooo's the outer wilds travel log (spoiler as i go)
HotLap
07/05/20 12:51:44 PM
#11
Im tagging this but I dont know if I can read it yet lol

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/05/20 12:24:03 AM
#47
IHeartRadiation posted...
https://youtu.be/yl86ONOSzEw

That's a bop.

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TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/04/20 12:19:07 AM
#45
Didnt play today, but bumping to keep it alive.

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TopicX gon give it to ya
HotLap
07/03/20 12:15:20 AM
#9
once i split your ass in two you'll be twice as butt

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicX gon give it to ya
HotLap
07/03/20 12:11:59 AM
#5
solosnake posted...
I got blood on my hands and theres no remorse

Got blood on my dick cause i fucked a *censored*

you're a nasty fella

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicX gon give it to ya
HotLap
07/03/20 12:09:48 AM
#1
Fuck waitin for you to get it on yo own x gona deliver to ya knock knock open up the door it's real with the non stop pop pop of stainless steel go hard gettin busy with it but i got such a good heart that i make a motherfucker wonder if he did it damn right and i'll do it again cuz i am right so i gots to win break bread with my enemy no matter how many cats i break bread with i'll break who you sendin me you motherfuckers never wanted nothin but yo life saved bitch and that's on a light day i'm gettin down like a fella said freeze but won't be the one ending up on his knees bitch please if the only thing you cats was come out to play stay out my way motherfucker

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/02/20 5:49:27 PM
#43
I have tomorrow off from work, Ill probably try to play a little during the day.

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TopicPost here and I'll tell you anything.
HotLap
07/01/20 11:42:37 PM
#5
Tell me everything.

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TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/01/20 12:14:25 PM
#39
DrizztLink posted...
Oh God damn it I had a Pillars of Eternity II one that purged like last night.

Thought I was on top of that.

Oh I actually think I remember your playthrough topic for Divinity Original Sin II. You ever end up finishing it?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/01/20 10:40:47 AM
#37
DrizztLink posted...
I try so hard to write funny playthrough topics and I am jealous that this is so much better than anything I've ever done.

Dude point me in the direction of these playthroughs (if theyre not accessible, this is me formally requesting a tag for the next one).

MorganTJ posted...
Just finished the game myself - not gonna lie, I had to look up stuff for everything relating to teleporting to other planets from Ash Twin. Must have skimmed over the texts where I was supposed to learn about that. Really neat game, but gosh you have to be in the mood to play something like this - for the first five or so hours you're just fumbling about. I've also rediscovered a fear of anglerfish that I didn't remember I had.

Glad you enjoyed it, man. I definitely agree with the notion you have to be in a certain mood to play it. This game is one of a kind.

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TopicEating Doritos with chopsticks has changed my life
HotLap
07/01/20 1:01:32 AM
#6
BigSwitchEnergy posted...
Both

Tell me more.

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TopicC/D: You love the smell of your balls
HotLap
07/01/20 1:00:37 AM
#4
You know what, this one's a big C for me. Especially when I get the sack sweaty and let it dry out. That's that good good right there.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/01/20 12:58:30 AM
#34
Day 12: Yesterday was a fucking banger, so I'm going to set expectations pretty low today. I eat more than the two required mallows and make a startling realization. It took me 12 days to realize my character doesn't like it when I light the marshmallows fully on fire. The noise he's making is a gag noise. That's how I like them, though. You gotta crisp 'em up hot yum. I roast a marshmallow the way my ill-informed character likes them, and for the first time am not presented with the option of tossing my marshmallow. Slate probably thinks I'm an absolute psycho for gagging on marshmallows in front of him for 12 days, but at least he won't remember any of them.

I head up to my ship's log to see all the context clues I missed. Surprisingly, I pretty much got everything. Having no destination in mind, I blast off and head toward the first planet I see, Brittle Hollow. In some insane stroke of coincidence, I land right next to the Tower of Quantum Knowledge the day after discovering so much about the Quantum Moon. I translate some writing outside. The trees in this valley are moving around (again, thankful to be sober today). There's a noisy shard that's also cruising around the area, but only when no one's looking at it. So I'm assuming whatever position this shard is in, that will determine what planet Quantum Moon is orbiting. Although after setting this position, I don't know how I'd get it to remain there. Maybe I could leave my camera scout next to it?

It seems like the Nomai surprisingly don't know much about these weird loud shards either. They say there's a significant shard presence here on Brittle Hollow. I wonder if it has anything to do the black hole at the center of the planet that yeeted me out of the solar system that one time.

I'm at the top of the stairs to the Tower of Quantum Knowledge and I can currently see the traveling shard. I have to decide whether to go downstairs or risk zooming out to the rock that sings bad. I do the responsible thing and descend the staircase. You know, like a coward. I translate some Nomai signs, one points to the Tower and the other points to the observatory. In a shocking turn of events, I realize that my "cruise around the equator looking for some less dangerous ruins" theory had some validity to it. Don't be fooled - I was never ashamed of my theory at all, I'm a freaking genius.

I find some notes by Bells. He tells me the final piece of knowledge to get to the Quantum Moon is up this staircase. Well guess what, Bells? The dang stairs don't go all the way up. You look like a fucking moron right now, Bells.

After a couple attempts to get to the Tower using my jetpack, I try to find a way to get the chunk of broken staircase back up on the wall. My search comes up empty. The surface integrity of where I'm standing is at 5%, but like... what even is surface integrity anyways? I heard an explosion nearby and think that maybe the staircase is complete when the day begins, but it gets blasted off sometime? I might need to get here super early in the cycle.

But this is the hand we were dealt, and we're gonna play it to the best of our ability. I've been on fire these last couple days (I may have mentioned I'm a genius), there's gotta be another way into the tower. I find a couple more of those teleporter things. I turn it on like I fucking invented the thing. He's on a roll, ladies and gentlemen. I don't even know where the teleporter's pointing at. It's probably pointing right at fucking Riebeck. I'll land right in front of him and he'll say "Dude you're on a fucking roll." And I'll say, "Absolutely," and he'll say, "You wanna hear some banjo music? Just good vibes," and I'll say "Absolutely," and then Riebeck will kill it on the banjo and I'll roast my marshmallow like I wanna roast 'em and my character will eat it right and he won't gag.

That didn't happen though, because the teleporter launched me at the black hole in the center of the planet and I was yeeted from the solar system. I buzz around and wait to die. Whilst I buzzed, I spotted some of that gravity modification material on some debris. I jet on over there and desperately search for a way inside. At last, I spot one! Alas, as I'm about to cross the threshold, my oxygen depletes and I suffocate.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
07/01/20 12:58:08 AM
#33
Day 11: After a frivolous day off of reading crater poetry and feeling a lift crunch my rib cage, I think it's time to get back into space. I roast the obligatory two morning marshmallows with Slate and head for the ship. I haven't been to the Hourglass Twins yet, so I'm thinking I'll try to go there. Also I'm not high today, so if I have time after the Twins, I'll go back to Dark Bramble. I'm a big boy who can handle the Spooktown Spectacular.

The Ash Twin looks a little boring from a distance, so I set my autopilot for the Ember Twin. "What a great time to check my discord notifications," I think to myself.

After crash landing on the Ash Twin and repairing my ship, I decide to make the best of things. I wandered around the Ash Twin for awhile, not finding anything but sand. When in doubt, head to a pole. There I found a strange glowing structure raising out of the ground with some kind of platform next to it. Further inspection yields that there are actually four glowing structures, and the platform is at the center of them. Eventually, the platform is too high up for me to get on top of it, and no entrance to these structures has been revealed yet. The Ember Twin continues to orbit around and flaunt it's more interesting surface at me.

I head back to my ship to refill my oxygen tank, then head for the north pole. Maybe things are wild up there. Not so much. It looks almost exactly the same, but the structures look more unburied and there's a teleporter leading to the top of the central platform. I ride it up expecting a grand reveal, but it's just The Ember Twin orbiting by again. I point my Signalscope at the Ember Twin and head Chert banging away on his drums. I hate it here.

"To hell with this, we're going to the other Twin," I think to myself before realizing my ship is way ahead of me. Looks like I figured out what's moving all the sand. I wanted to be mad, but the reveal of that giant sand tornado filling in the chasms of The Ember Twin with the sand from the Ash Twin (and my ship) was just such an awesome moment. That's such a cool concept for a planet duo.

Being true to form of choosing to do the dumbest thing I can, I leap into the sand tornado and much to my surprise, survive the trip to the Ember Twin. Upon landing, I spot some sort of opening in the cliff face with a bridge leading into it. Inside is a fluctuating cave shard and some Nomai writing. Turns out the Nomai named Coleus is missing. I recall reading some of his writings on other planets, but don't remember much of his personality. He disappeared at the lakebed of the Ember Twin's north pole.

Now I'm not one to start controversy, but sometimes I gotta say what I gotta say, y'know? If I feel the heat, I gotta bring it and I can't worry about who I'll offend. So this next part's gonna get pretty blue, just fair warning. (especially if you're Norwegian)

Some Nomai arrived from "The Sunless City" to help look for Coleus. What's with these guys? Did they grow up in Rjukan, Norway or something? Yeah, that's right. Eat that shit, Rjukan.

Okay, sorry about that. But sometimes people need to be reminded that I'm not afraid to dunk on Norway. Anyways, the explicit content is now over. Hopefully you guys are still with me.

After reading the rest of the Nomai translations, I find out that there's a rock that wanders around different areas on the planet. No doubt that's probably where Chert is, because every traveler besides Esker seems challenging to access. Chert just can't chill on the surface like Slate does, can he? Gotta show everyone he can fly around in a rock. I'm running out of oxygen again, so I guess I'll die in this cave.

About thirty seconds after writing that passive aggressive note about Chert flying a rock around instead of chilling on the surface, I find Chert chilling on the surface. I fucking found him dudes. I never doubted for a second.

I tell Chert I'm a big fan of his mixtapes. He mentions that he's seen about ten supernovae since he's been out here, and I start to lose my shit because I've died exactly ten times. My mind starts to wander about the story implications of Chert also experiencing the time loop, but it turns out he's talking about other stars. I mean, he's pretty chuffed about our sun as well. Your concerns are spot on, Chert.

So the place Dark Bramble occupies was previously held by a planet with a frozen solid surface. Dark Bramble appeared at the center of that planet, expanded, and caused the planet to explode outwards, explaining why there's Dark Bramble rocks on every planet. Quit blowing planets up, Dark Bramble. There's no need for it, mate.

Chert tells me about the ruins of a Nomai ship in the southern hemisphere and naturally points out that if I waited for all the sand to drain out of the Ash Twin I would have discovered something. Since my ship's in the sand now, I jump over to Chert's to see if I can steal his, but it's locked. Seems a little paranoid to lock your ship when you're the only one on the entire planet, but I suppose in this instance Chert was proven right.

I head to the south pole of the Ember Twin and find a rotating artifact circle on the ground. The Nomai have some graffiti here where Melorae talks about a moon that disappears if no one if looking at it. It's a good thing I'm not high right now, because that would have triggered the spook senses. The moon has had sightings over Brittle Hollow, Timber Hearth,and the Dark Bramble. Y'know what? This is probably that Quantum Moon I threatened to crash into during the previous day. I insert the scroll and wouldn't you know it, it's the freaking Quantum Moon, dude. He's a genius. So apparently the QM is visiting all five planets, but there's a sixth place the QM travels that's not being picked up. My initial thought was that it goes inside one of those Dark Bramble seeds, but the beacon from "the Vessel" was at least able to follow a signal until it got to the seed. The writings are saying they can't find it at all. Maybe it's the Interloper? I haven't been there yet but maybe the Interloper hasn't always been interloping. It might not have been around when the Nomai were?

I discover a blue light shooting into the sky, signaling the remains of the Nomai ship, but it's completely buried in sand. I pick up a distress call from an escape pod in the ruins about 15m down. Aiming the signalscope around the solar system, I locate another distress call, but forget to write down which planet. I hope it's not urgent. If it is, not much I can do, dude The sun's about to explode. I've never watched the supernova from up close before. It's really beautiful and I may do it again soon.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/30/20 9:32:27 PM
#32
Ive been pausing and taking notes as I play so I dont forget shit when doing the write-ups and my longest day of notes was previously about 3/4 a page long. Im not even done with Day 11 yet and Im already at two full pages dude.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicBride won't let teenage sister be bridesmaid because her breasts are too huge
HotLap
06/30/20 2:50:50 PM
#16
Sorry, you cant be in my wedding because I dont trust our wedding guests not to ogle a middle schooler.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicInterviewer: 'So Mr. CE, I see you put video games under your list of hobbies.'
HotLap
06/30/20 2:44:53 PM
#4
Im only playing video games to improve my hand eye coordination so I can maximize my masturbatory efficiency. The less spent jerkin means more time spent workin.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicWe watch the Trainwreck that is Mr. Boop, staring Alec, Betty and Sonic
HotLap
06/30/20 10:53:17 AM
#324
Questionmarktarius posted...
Didn't Alec already do that joke?

I think the therapist mentioned needing her own therapist before, but weve never seen the follow through.

Also I kinda hate how I knew that immediately.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/29/20 10:55:02 PM
#31
MabusIncarnate posted...
I'm officially giving this another chance. I didn't give it much of one the first time I played, I think I crash landed on the first planet I was attempting to visit and never went back.

Firing it up now.

Hell yeah brother, what do you think so far?

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Topiclol @ Dr. Disrespect.
HotLap
06/27/20 11:23:19 PM
#291
Isnt that Slasher guy like a Twitch TMZ style reporter? From what I hear hes usually credible and he says hes uncomfortable sharing the reason he was banned. If he was banned to save money for the stuff he did years ago, Im not sure Slasher would be uncomfortable revealing something like that.

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TopicDisrespect PhD banned from Twitch
HotLap
06/27/20 1:14:46 PM
#6
Decent joke. 7/10.

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TopicRemember when L-Block won the Character Contest?
HotLap
06/27/20 12:23:29 PM
#6
I love Ls character development throughout the Tetris.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
Topiclol @ Dr. Disrespect.
HotLap
06/27/20 12:22:15 PM
#177
BeyondWalls posted...
I don't know what that means.

Its an old joke. Basically, if you mention Candlejack, he will c

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TopicMy boyfriend of ten years left me because Im an alcoholic.
HotLap
06/26/20 3:48:19 PM
#3
Guide posted...
CE's full of alcoholics. Yall should form a support group.

CE mainly supports alcoholism itself, which might not be the best form of encouragement in this situation.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicFlorida woman goes to govt meeting to announce her pussy needs to breathe
HotLap
06/25/20 3:57:59 PM
#4
Patricia Arquettes just lurking in the comments.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
Topicim feeling generous steam give away related
HotLap
06/25/20 1:48:18 PM
#61
AceMos posted...
i will give you all a hint it has legs

Gotta be octopus.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
Topicim feeling generous steam give away related
HotLap
06/25/20 1:45:44 PM
#57
Swordfish

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
Topicim feeling generous steam give away related
HotLap
06/25/20 1:28:42 PM
#32
Seahorse

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/25/20 1:27:23 PM
#21
Didnt play yesterday, hoping to get some time in later tonight.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicI often shit once or twice a week.
HotLap
06/24/20 2:56:11 PM
#3
How big are the turds? They rip you up?

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicI often shit twice a day
HotLap
06/24/20 2:55:31 PM
#13
LeperMessiahXX posted...
I had a weird dump a little while ago, it sounded like my asshole hocked up a loogie. I could feel and hear air get sucked into my anus and then it pushed out a meatball sized turd and it sounded like it spit it out. It was interesting.

Thats an airnema.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicRhode Island set to shorten it's name due to history with slavery
HotLap
06/24/20 12:45:31 PM
#37
s0nicfan posted...
Super North Dakota 2 Turbo: Hyper Fighting Edition

Arbys Presents Oklahoma

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicMy daughter is a red hat
HotLap
06/24/20 12:21:22 PM
#15
Is she as excited about the tag team of Eugenio Suarez and Aristides Aquino as I am?

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TopicA spider just crawled on my face while I'm in ved
HotLap
06/24/20 12:20:22 PM
#5
Ving_Rhames posted...
REALLY PHONE? The one time you decide to not automatically change the shit I type SMH

IM MAD

feels vad man

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/24/20 11:06:26 AM
#15
DrizztLink posted...
Slate understands.

He is crushing all the ass, what is left but for you to be crushed by a lift in hopeless mimicry?

I finally understand what its like to be an ass annihilated by Slates power and I dont know if I like it.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/24/20 12:13:52 AM
#11
Day 8: I hate that we've been fighting, Slate. Yesterday I ate marshmallows with no one around but ghost matter, and my thoughts couldn't help but drift to you. You're a good friend. I don't say that to you enough.

After my shame of thinking there was another, less deadly set of ruins on Brittle Hollow's equator, I couldn't bear to show my face there again so soon. I remember there's another set of Nomai ruins rumored to be on Attlerock. Once I arrive, I find a recording by Chert. Apparently Dark Bramble has been violently hurling itself at planets for millennia. That might explain why there's a Dark Bramble seed on Timber Hearth, but that seed caused a crater that could have killed my entire village. Cut that out, Dark Bramble. There's no need for it, mate.

I go another Bond lair beneath the south pole of the Attlerock. Translations reveal that the Nomai are searching for "the eye of the universe", but are having trouble building a system sophisticated enough to track it down. This comes as no surprise to me, as they still haven't invented cell phones. Whenever they need to talk to one another they come to the moon's basement and graffiti on the walls.

The Nomai ruins on the moon were an attempt at an eye locator, and apparently the observatory on Brittle Hollow was their attempt at a better one. I don't know why, but when I was on Brittle Hollow I didn't really consider that the observatory I was circling was built by the Nomai, even though the only mentions of it have come from Nomai translations.

"I guess it's time to relive my shame," I sigh as I blast off from the Attlerock. However, not looking around when I took off, I didn't realize by erupting upwards, I was actually making a fatal plunge directly into Timber Hearth's surface.

Day 9: Why doesn't Slate notice the time loop? Is it because the Nomai statue never looked inside his mind and soul at the museum? Or is it the far more likely scenario that his everyday life is a marathon of ass crushing so seamless that all days just blend together now?

I decide to go to Dark Bramble to learn more about the seed that Feldspar is in. Proving that I've learned very little, I look at my phone while autopilot guides me into a collision course with Giant's Deep. I make it out of the water tornado maze in record time, and believe me, that was time I was going to need. I spend the next 10-15 minutes crashing my ship off of various foggy tree branches, getting out to make repairs, and doing it all over again.

Full disclosure here, I tend to smoke a little each time before I play. I adore the soft, acoustic soundtrack and the graphics are beautiful, so it made sense to me that this was a game I could enjoy a little stoned. The events of Day 9 have shown me just how incorrect I really was. I spot what looks like a haunted french cruller doughnut and guide my way inside. The terrors of the doughnut will haunt me for years to come. I found a twisted, gnarled, red bramble in the center of several floating corpses. A very chill scene to come into high. I paused the game and went to have a glass of water.

Upon closer inspection, the red gnarled thing was actually another Dark Bramble seed, but I wasn't able to figure out a way inside it. I sent my camera buddy into the seed like I did with the one on Timber Hearth, and my ship thinks it saw a rundown Nomai spacecraft in there. I disagree - it was just a bunch of fog, Ship. The recording left by the Nomai corpses says that these explorers were following one of two beacons of "the Vessel". Is the Vessel what they were calling the new observatory on Brittle Hollow? And is it possible that the eye of the universe is inside these seeds?

I left the corpses, and went to another french cruller, but this one had a menacing red aura. High Me ventured onward into the unknown without a second thought. What a mistake. I was greeted by two terrifying angler fish who were super not stoked I decided to visit. I will never sleep again. As the angler fish began to ram me, the sun exploded and I've never been so happy to die. I'll rest easy knowing the angler fish are in hell as well.

Day 10: What if we didn't launch today, Slate? What if we just sat here and ate marshmallows? What if we just laid back, watched the planets circle around us, and let the unknown stay that way? For a little while, at least. Maybe longer. Maybe forever. Do you think everyone would forgive me, Slate? Heh, I know you'd forgive me, but not everyone is like you.

I don't want to go to space today. The angler fish have grounded me. Let's have a nice day zooming around Timber Hearth in our space suit. I haven't been to the south pole of this planet yet, let's do that. Once I arrive, an unknown frequency appears on my Signalscope. It's emanating from a Grove Shard deep in a canyon. Once I identify it, I pick up other Grove Shards across the solar system, like I did with the travelers' instruments.

Apparently Robert Frost was here, because I find a poem carved into some wood that tells me to go to a forest clearing. I'm not sure if there's a forest on Timber Hearth I can venture into, or if it's referring to another planet. As I leave the canyon, I find another recording left by Chert. He talks about the Grove Shard's relation to the "Quantum Moon" and how no Hearthian has ever landed successfully on it. Well I got news for the Quantum Moon, Get ready for me, because I rarely land successfully and I'm not about to start now.

I make it back to Slate seconds before my fuel runs out. I roast marshmallows and plot out the rest of my day. I'll refuel my tanks, then maybe head out and explore more of this planet with whatever time I have left. I can see if I interpreted the crater poetry correctly and search for the forest clearing. If not, I'll try to go back into the geyser system to see if there's anything in there I missed.

Sounds like a plan. I stand up and head over to the lift, but the lift isn't there since I had used it earlier in the day. "I can't believe it's gone; it probably makes the most sense to stand directly underneath where it should be," I tell myself before I'm crushed to death by the falling lift right in front of Slate.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicLets go back in time and look at the review scores for Heavy Rain
HotLap
06/23/20 6:58:58 PM
#16
SmidgeIsntBack posted...
Also I did all this to prove there are good dads, and now that a good dad has been found, I must murder you.

God that was so infuriating. You have proven your worth. If you were my dad, you would not have let my brother die. However, my four decade long grudge is not over. I have to kill you anyways before I return to my job of upholding the law.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicLets go back in time and look at the review scores for Heavy Rain
HotLap
06/23/20 6:51:44 PM
#10
My dad let my brother drown, so now Im going to make you, a man I do not know, watch your child drown. Also Im a cop.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicPost ITT and I will rate you as a poster on CE
HotLap
06/23/20 4:28:09 PM
#72
Bring on the skip, Im ready.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/23/20 11:26:18 AM
#10
MorganTJ posted...
I also started making my way through the game yesterday, but I'm not entirely sure what I should be doing. I've been to Fire Ember, Atterock, and the orbital cannon next to Giant's Deep. I was also on Giant's Deep for a little bit, but I couldn't find the astronaut there before everything blew up.

I think thats the beauty of this game, the non-linear story makes it so theres really nothing you should be doing other than exploring. Havent played a game with a non-linear story before and Im really digging it.

I also have not found the traveler on Giants Deep, I feel like hes underwater against the current.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/23/20 12:58:08 AM
#7
Hi, I'm HotLap and I played more Outer Wilds.

Day 6: I learn from Hornfels that Slate was one of the founding members of the Outer Wilds, along with Feldspar. Slate doesn't want to talk about this though, he wants to repeat dialogue from the last five days. Why are you pulling away, Slate? Am I not cool enough? Do I not crush enough ass?

I make my way back to Giant's Deep and land on what I assume to be a helipad. I do what I do best and shove a ball in a hole, which reveals a Bond villain lair. I find a scroll, a Brittle Hollow Projection Stone, and a BH Control Panel Stone. The Control Panel stone, when inserted into the correct slot, makes me trip balls. I later realize that it actually lets you see inside the ship orbiting Giant's Deep, thanks to my ship being smarter than me.

The Projection Stone revealed a dialogue about an observatory on the south pole of Brittle Hollow. It needs to be accessed underground and there's a marker at the equator that will guide you in. This is information I will absorb, but ignore later. The dialogue also reveals that some orbital equipment sunk to the planet's core, against the current of Giant's Deep. Oh and also apparently a Nomai orbital drone launched like fifteen minutes before I got here? Is the ship the drone?

I drop the scroll on the ground, for on Day 6 I did not know what they do. The sun explodes.

Day 7: I eat marshmallows in silence with Slate. I really let the moment breathe. Why do I always have to be the one to initiate conversation? I've lived this day seven times, so I know he likely never will. And that breaks my heart.

Just realized there were plants on ship. Not sure if I had something bigger in mind when I was taking notes for this section, but if I did I don't remember. All I wrote was "There's plants on my ship."

I make it to the Brittle Hollow observatory. "I have to access this underground, starting at the equator," I make sure to recite the information I'm about to ignore. I found another ship parked outside the observatory. Someone else might be in there. I go around the entire perimeter looking for a way in, despite being told previously there was not. I find some stairs leading down. "Surely, this is the entrance to the observatory," I think. Nope, of course it's not. This isn't the equator, why am I still in the south pole?

I discover a recording left by the pilot of the parked ship reaffirming again that the observatory needs to be accessed underground through the ruins. "Cool, I already knew that," I think to myself as if I hadn't been ignoring that vital information for quite a while now.

I rocket myself over to the equator and light a campfire in the ruins. I roast a few marshmallows alone. I miss Slate. Soon, I discover a section of the ruins with ghost matter afoot. "Better walk straight into the ghost matter that the game made sure to establish was dangerous," I smile as I full on hop into the thick of it. Surely deserving death, I barely survive the encounter and stumble out of the poison.

"Boy, this ghost matter is a bitch, I wonder if there are other ruins on the equator without ghost matter in them," I think foolishly as I cruise around the equator. I attempt a big leap across a canyon and finally put my vitals through the floor thanks to fall damage.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/22/20 2:25:00 PM
#6
VigorouslySwish posted...
This game was so good. I wish I had a men in black flasher thingy so I could re-experience OW for the first time again.

The majority of comments I read about the game echo this sentiment. Im excited to unravel the mystery more, but I figure the game probably doesnt have a whole bunch of replayability.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/22/20 11:43:38 AM
#4
Probably gonna play more tonight after work.

DrizztLink posted...
I want to be Slate

Of course you do. Everyone does. He crushes ass harder than the moon crushed my lungs.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/22/20 1:59:07 AM
#3
Day 4: I ask Slate about the autopilot mishap. He says that can happen. Classic Slate, what a chiller. I eat a marshmallow a whisper, I died you son of a bitch.

I meet Esker on the moon, he is a wonderful whistler. He talks about how he doesnt see the travelers often by listens to them with his signal thing (Signal Scope?). I go to the North Pole of the moon and read his journal about the missing harmonica boy. I point my Signal Scope at Timber Hearth and immediately hear harmonica music.

We launch. I miss my destination and again enter the geyser network. I find a Nomai rune at the bottom of a geyser (not sure if it was the same one as before). I decipher it. Apparently mining site 2a sucks shit and mining site 2b fucking slaps. The Nomai didnt want to intrude on the native species and were real courteous. Apparently not anymore though, because the only one Ive met eyefucked me in a museum.

I am expelled from the geyser network basically on Harmonica boys doorstep but I am out of fuel and am blasted into a bloody heap in front of him.

Day 5: I am in a hurry today Slate, I only have time for a few marshmallows you horny goblin. I find out harmonica boys name is Feldspar, and he was not the person I died in front of.

Nope, Feldspar is in a seed and he doesnt want to come out because theres hella room in there apparently. The seed is from the Dark Bramble, so I think my next stop may be there to see if I can learn how to open the seed.

I take off. Do I head for Dark Bramble? No. I naturally head for the first thing that appears on my screen, The Interluder. I get close, but do not land, for the Sun has exploded again.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
TopicHotLap plays Outer Wilds
HotLap
06/22/20 1:43:02 AM
#1
Picked this game up since my buddy was raving about it and it was on sale. Gonna chart my progress here.

Day 1: Greet all of the civilians in my town and seemingly have my own mortality rubbed in my face by the townspeople.

An actual interaction with the Nomai statue:

Noami statue: rotates to face me
Me: DO NOT
Nomai statue: does it
Me: I SAID DO NOT

I eat lots of marshmallows with Slate. Hes a real one. I launch. On Day 1 I am not aware of the autopilot feature so I cruise around the solar system like Sonic the Spacehog. I collide with the moon and bounce clean off it. About 85% of my ship needs repairs. After the repairs I drift out of the solar system and book it back towards the sun before obliterating myself on the same planet I took off from. Ship is 100% destroyed and totally unrecognizable. I jump in a geyser to end it all, but find a Nomai rune at the bottom. I lose my shit with excitement. I take out my translator. The Sun explodes.

Day 2: I ask Slate about our deaths and he is in denial. We eat marshmallows, I bet Slate crushes ass.

I discover the glory of autopilot. I land on the moon with minimal damage. I leave the ship without my suit on and die.

Day 3: I eat marshmallows with Slate. I warn Slate about the supernova and he thinks Ive been dreaming. Truth is, I have been. Dreaming of a life where I crush as much ass as Slate does.

I plunge into Giants Deep and its just a fuckin water planet mate. I see a water tornado and you know I gotta go for it. I am launched off the planet.

Fuck this water planet I decide, lets go to Dark Bramble, it sounds like peppermint bark my grandmother would eat.

Actual scene from Day 3:

Me: "Autopilot probably won't fly me into the sun"
Autopilot: flying dangerously close to the sun
Me: "DO NOT"
Autopilot: does it
Me: I SAID DO NOT

After I die I remember Gabbaro or whatever his name is was on Giants Deep and I spent zero time looking for him.

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You don't have to put my thighs in the microwave.
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