Lurker > Super_Slash

I'm having such a bad flare up, it's hard to play a video game or bathe myself (especially that). It's hard to make food or do anything at all involving water. My skin is leathery, torn, broken and has a few fissures. My right hand is also feeling it too, but a bit more mildly.

There's also this thing where my fingers sort of get cuts on them but the skin doesn't quite break, resulting in a burning, sensitive, painful sensation.

I've tried medications and they only help moderately, and barely at all with severe flare ups like this one. Worst part is there's no cure, so I have to live with these episodes for the rest of my life.

I don't mean to continually complain about the same thing but yeah, I still can't get anywhere. I can't even keep up with our cats' litter or anything else. We're about $150 in the hole for this week if I had to guess.

I just had another interview, I thought for sure this one would be different but I'm not so sure now. I just need some money to make it through each week god damn ;_;

TRIGGER WARNING: SUICIDE ETC

***POSSIBLE TRIGGER WARNING***

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So I decided to walk home with my groceries today, since the bus was temporarily out. I walk up the stairs to our apartment, and one of our neighbors comes running towards me. We are in unit 227. He's in 229.

He's clearly in a state of major panic. He tells me to dial 911 immediately, because his wife (?) apparently committed suicide. I can barely make out most of what he's saying beyond that, but he kept asking me to go with him into his apartment and help him with...something. I could never make it all out because he was too frantic.

He asks me this I'd say five or six different times; I apologize but refuse to do it. I told him I am not willing to see a dead body from a suicide and possibly get traumatized. He isn't listening and just keeps begging me to help him.

At this point he starts yelling at the neighbors from the OTHER apartment complex building and yells that there was a suicide and that I'm not helping him. At some point during all of this he makes a neck slicing motion while "talking" to me. He does this multiple times. This makes me think she sliced her throat, but I also could've sworn I heard him say something about hanging. I did get 911 on the phone and they kept telling me to get them on the phone with him so they can talk to him.

I told them I'm not comfortable going into an apartment with a dead body. They end up repeating themselves and I tell them the same thing again. At this point one of the neighbors I mentioned earlier shows up and I ask them if THEY can do it. The police and EMS show up, at some point during all of this I didn't have my phone with me (I gave it to the neighbor since they actually were going to help the guy and go into the apartment). I woke Kori up and he told me to go get it back.

I stepped into the apartment just enough to ask for my phone back. For some reason one of the police officers had it. So I reached out and got it, and got a glimpse of the body at that point. There was no blood, and they were trying to resuscitate her. Then I went back inside.

I've had quite a day. The whole thing was chaotic, bizarre and a few things about it don't sit well with me. Sad either way =/

They have remote work jobs, some kind of contractor company.

I googled around and I'm not sure, but a Reddit thread from a few years ago claims they're shady. But I gave it a try and they made me do a full-on detailed assessment that took like 30 minutes, then I got an offer to schedule a phone call with a contractor. I put down for March 28th at 7 15 AM Central.

It's looking pretty legitimate to me, but I don't want to get my hopes up.

I did not really like all the retcons of Starcraft 2. I finished the first two but eh. They have great cinematics and setpieces, but the retcons don't sit well with me.

How is LotV?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

I do not like getting close to bugs.

NoxObscuras posted...

Are you sure the app identified it correctly? You said it was something big, but rice weevils are usually smaller than a grain of rice.

If it helps though, if it's some sort of large beetle, those don't feed on humans or anything. So it'll leave you alone unless you fuck with it.

This is the bug in question:

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/5/5adb4b57.jpg

I don't have anything to kill it with, and I hate insects too much to smash it with a shoe or something =3

_____Cait posted...

so you could use a bug identifier app, but you stopped at googling rice weaville

Nah I did google it, but it didn't really answer anything. The app says it's harmful to humans and google says the opposite.

There's been something big flying around my room since last night. It is creeping me out so much, I slept with my door open.

I tried using a bug identifier app to see what it is, and I keep getting "rice weevil". What the fuck is a rice weevil?

BakonBitz posted...

The games are all fairly isolated from each other, tbh. You'd be fine with starting with X, I think. It's definitely not like the Trails/Kiseki games or Kingdom Hearts, lol.

I never played X but I think it's the only standalone one. XB1, 2, and 3 are all connected to each other. And 3 is VERY likely to be connected to Xenosaga as well.

I still say Dragon Ball. No other shounen really compares.

I stupidly left my detergent out in the washing room for several hours. Normally, no one takes anything, but I come back and it's almost completely empty.

In other words, someone took advantage of my stupidity and used all my detergent =/

I do all kinds of reckless shit, I'm always needing money, I'm inexperienced with life, immature, and feel like I just bother everyone.

I seriously think there is something wrong with me. I feel like I'm manic all the time and have massive issues with sleeping. I was up for nearly 40 hours the other day and it didn't bother me much.

You guys are fucking lifesavers.

I should be okay, now I'm sitting at $127, which SHOULD be sufficient to get me through the few days.

I can't say here why she got committed, but she had a major freakout and had me call 911. They took her to the ER, took her phone away, and are sending her to a psych ward nearly 2 hours away from home for a 72 hour hold. That was about 8 hours ago; I still haven't heard from her. She said she'll call me as soon as she gets there, but I haven't gotten the call yet, so I think she's still waiting.

This puts me in an even worse spot. She's missing two days of work, which will affect her paycheck next week. On top of that, next week is always her "weak" check where she barely makes more than $100, and that's WITHOUT missing two days of work. And her card is locked so I can't do *anything* until she gets back. But it gets worse, because she doesn't have much money to begin with, and I'm about to lose my internet (we owe $68, and I keep having to delay the payment just to keep the internet going), as well as my phone plan which is due Friday (it's roughly $73). I also have no way to keep up with any household necessities or food, and we already went to the food bank this month. I can't go again until the 3rd Saturday of this month.

I don't know what to do. I *have* to keep my phone and internet to continue searching for jobs. Anything I can sell would probably only take care of one problem, but I have multiple. In terms of money strictly, I would probably need to come up with roughly $300 just to make it through until she gets home. I'm completely unarmed and my gf isn't going to be here to help out in any way. No work means she can't pull money from her check as needed, and even if she could, I do not have access to her phone or any of her bank accounts.

Short of me asking people to help me out, wtf can I do? Those bills have to be taken care of. Even if I can keep delaying the internet payment, it's probably going to be added to next month's bill, which means it'll be almost $200 just to keep my internet going. Without internet or a phone, I can't do much of anything to progress forward. Are there any programs or somesuch I could look into? I have two days to figure out how to pay our phone bill. =/

PeteyParker posted...

It wouldn't happen to be Gary's Shoes and Accessories would it? I've heard some stories about one of the salespeople there.

Request Boutique

The recruiter messaged me directly on Indeed and said I might match the qualifications he's looking for. He sent it nearly a week ago and apparently the offer still stands.

I'm going up there on no sleep and taking an hour long trip to and from. This better be worth it. It's a shoe store in our local state mall.

Tyranthraxus posted...

When the empire was developing the magitek infusion to create the magitek knights, the first one was Gau's father. He ended up going completely insane, totally detached from reality, thought Gau was a feral animal and threw him away in the veldt.

The second knight was Kefka. He only went a "little" insane. At first he had lost all emotions but otherwise continued functioning normally until one day he witnessed a soldier hurt himself by accident and he thought that shit was hilarious. At that point on her realized the only thing that made him feel anything at all was hurting people and it was a downward spiral into sadism from there.

They perfected it after that, offered it to General Leo but he turned it down choosing to rely on his muscle instead. That's how Celes got hers.

And this is hinted at strongly in game but afaik there's no confirmation of this. Just a few things that don't make any sense until you realize Relm is Shadow's daughter.

Where is most of this stated?

No, it's never mentioned in-game. Kefka is barely explored at all beyond one NPC line in Vector.

They wouldn't let me do it. They need permission from my PCP first due to my history of seizures.

Well I'm here, on three hours of sleep.

My last appointment was canceled for an unknown reason. I'm not going to have much sleep though. Should I be concerned?

I scheduled myself an appointment for 1 PM. They're telling me to bring all my meds and stuff but I don't see any preparation instructions.

Never done this before. What should I expect or do?

Expenses are getting worse. It seems like each week I need more and more money. But gofundmes are slow and take a lot of your money, or so I've heard.

But I have no mixing bowl or whisk >_> any ideas?

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/e/e4419337.jpg

And I thought the GT version was badass. I love this form.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/forum/c/c4738db9.jpg

I made the first step and called a disability place. Next step is applying for him.

archizzy posted...

I'm not trying to argue against you or seem insensitive but every time this is brought up people try to encourage you to try for some assistance with your brother and every time you say "I don't have 1 year(or some time frame) to wait, I need help now but I'm just too tired/numb I can't deal with this" But the thing is I have been watching you do this periodically for quite a long time now. That could of been a year into the process of getting him some financial assistance. At some point you need to start the process and not just be like "I'd love to but......"

And it could potentially happen in a timely manner. I watched my mom get my sister on disability in like 4 months. She put it off for years because she felt weird about accepting disability but was finally talked into it and a few months later it was taken care of and helped financially.

It is hard to believe in anything because nothing I try ever works, though. It feels like I'm coming out from underneath a deep lake just to get up and eat.

There is too much red tape involved with these things and it's really discouraging. And with Trump in office this could very well be a failed endeavor.

HighSeraph posted...

What's stopping you? If it's this severe I feel like it should be easy or at least would have been before Trump go into office.

There's that and the fact that disability is so far off. I don't have 3+ years to wait on something that might not even pan out.

This is bad. I can't think of anything but ways to stop existing.

Yeah, getting him on disability is something I really want to do but I just can't move at all.

My girlfriend is the only one bringing in income, yes, and she's expressing even more problems with my brother since we moved.

Moving was supposed to help but it feels like everything is actually getting even worse.

Laundry costs money now. My in house relationships are getting worse, I can't afford food on a daily basis, I can't keep up with anything, I still can't find a job, and bills are even more expensive now.

Why am I still trying? I have so so so much work to do. This doesn't seem worth it anymore. I have no energy to do anything. Life is dull, boring and too fucking hard. My relationships are spiraling out of control because I always need money. Helping my brother out while trying to make sure he doesn't kill himself is proving to be more than I can handle. I haven't even eaten all day because I don't care about anything anymore.

I'm so over life. This is too much. I really really REALLY need some help. I know CE can't do much but God, I just do not enjoy a single thing about my life. Nothing. It's a hellscape.

OldNastyBastard posted...

I'm guessing you already checked https://www.feedinglouisiana.org/find-food ? Doesn't help for right now but a lot of churches will do food pantries. I know the ones I went to in Colorado would give you breakfast before you went through and collected your food too.

I'm having problems viewing the site, and even if I weren't, I need bus money.

There are no food banks where we live, and we have less than $100 for the entire week. I also have a job interview I can't get to because of no money.

Fuck my life.

It's 12 40 AM and there are places open, but I have no money to go out and buy or DoorDash anything.

Barely anything at the house too. I wanted this box of Mac n cheese I found but I don't even have milk >_>

Games are too long to beat in one weekend now, but I enjoyed my time with Metaphor a lot. One of the best RPGs I've ever played in recent years.

My girlfriend had several issues with my brother during the move. She basically unloaded on me and called him a "thing" and was complaining that he always needs my attention and interrupts stuff. The usual.

Then my brother is seeing our dynamic and is getting jealous, which has been a problem the entire time I've been with her. None of my relationship issues are getting any better, and the way things are now, they won't get better. I'm basically trying to compromise as much as I can between both parties to keep things stable, and it's causing massive problems in both dynamics.

"Just break up"? It's not that easy. You gotta take into account context and specific circumstances. I have a clearer head now that I have a cleaner space to move around in (but it's actually slightly smaller than the trailer), but a large majority of the issues I had before just followed me here.

Damn.

Humble_Novice posted...

How is your lover and family doing with the recent move? Are they coping with it well?

My brother is in decent spirits right now. My gf is still pretty tired. She has been working round the clock, and hasn't had a day off from work since we moved.

I feel many different ways about it. I'm definitely still processing everything. I've moved a total of three times but this one definitely has the most meaning to me.

First of all, I did not realize how expensive moving actually is. Holy fucking Christ.

We would have actually ended up in a disastrous, even worse situation by moving if we hadn't sold the trailer, because we had to leave so much major shit behind because we were running late to the leasing office. Including two beds, a couple other pieces of furniture, and every single bit of food we had in the fridge and freezer. So we basically moved over here having to start from the very bottom of the barrel. On Friday someone bought the trailer around 10 AM, when we were in the process of packing, and we got 4k for it.

I did not realize how quickly $4,000 will disappear when you have to re-buy so much stuff. We had to get two new beds and frames for them, and the total for that was about $1,200. I spent $300 on replenishing stuff like the cat's food, litter, food to eat on at the apartment, furniture, kitchenware (pots, pans etc), and stuff like that. We have used a lot of this money just trying to straighten ourselves back up, and the fridge and freezer are pretty barren still. We also have no pressure rod for a shower curtain, and somehow none of the Walmarts around the area have them in stock.

There's still two bills we haven't paid (our phone and electric bill), everything is still a mess, it feels like there's still a fuckton of work to do. And we'll be revisiting the "run out of money" issue again fairly soon, probably.

I also left behind my only good phone charger. I bought several ONN blocks and cables, tried a bunch of them in all kinds of different combinations, but all of our phones are charging *extremely* slowly. I'm on my laptop right now because my phone has gone from 5% to 15% in about two solid hours. I don't yet know what to do about this.

We also have to pay to wash and dry clothes now, which is honestly kinda frustrating. Cleaning laundry is going to be a part time job now lol. We live on the second floor and there are no elevators. This is definitely a low income apartment and it shows. Second day here and the soap holder or whatever that is in the shower cracks from my girlfriend slightly pressing on it as she goes from standing to sitting.

There's a lot more I could say but it's too much right now. Still tired and busy. I'd love to have a bit more furniture, but I'm just glad we finally made it. Might post some pics later. Still missing a shit ton of food, but I'm taking it one step at a time.

I moved in, yes. Lost my only good phone charger and I have no wifi until Tuesday, so my brother is using our phones as a hotspot in the meantime.

I can't find a good charger or block. My phone is charging EXTREMELY slowly.

No. I lost the whole kit during the move.

I'd only sell my Switch as a last resort. That thing is one of the only things keeping me sane lol

We are selling this trailer in the next few hours, and my gf just spent $200 of our funds on movers. I checked her bank accounts and we are sitting at roughly $1000. Rent is 850, which we haven't paid yet, and they gave us half off on the pet deposit so that's $250. So I think we are still short.

This won't be our home after tonight and I've already packed a lot of shit. I'm really hoping they let us move in while only paying *most* of the deposit until we get the money from selling the trailer. Is that a thing that can happen? Because I doubt we will have access to the money today since a background check is required. Plus, there's mileage fees on the U Haul.

I still haven't found it. Until I move Friday I almost certainly won't.

AceMos posted...

what is a sleep study ring

It is a ring provided by a company called Home Sleep Delivered to test you for sleep apnea.

I lost three items within an hour. I found two of them, but my sleep study ring is missing and my room is a fucking mess. I don't know what will happen if I can't find it, since I am required by my insurance to send everything back =/

Because I'm getting lost constantly >_>

I wander around aimlessly with no clear direction so much. Those red marks don't seem to always appear on the map either. Like I just finished Tsuta Ruins and the only clues I'm given are something about that fishing kid and a bridge by some rapids. No map marks or anything.

Git gud? Maybe I'm spoiled by modern games too much, but damn, I just cannot seem to find my way around at all.

Thinking about my identity again and I'm leaning in the direction that I might actually be full on female. I can't stop these feelings and they're happening even amongst all the chaos in my life.

I self insert into female characters by default for example. That almost never happens with male characters. Lately when I've been speaking my inner voice and "appearance" is female. I also daydream about being a girl frequently but I push this into the back of my mind, because I doubt I'll ever actually physically be one. I'm not sure how I feel about an actual transition until I sort this out, not to mention transitioning is expensive as hell.

For now I'll sit on it and continue to feel like something is missing >_> for fellow Trans people here, how or when did you figure everything out? This is driving me crazy, it's nagging at me so much.

pauIie posted...

glad you got most of the money needed but your gf needs to adjust about some shit in the future

What do you mean?

She just informed me that we have no way to pay a water bill. Shit. We won't be in the same city and I don't think utilities are included.

We are still roughly $100 short. We just need money for a U Haul. They're taking our dryer on Friday so I'm determined to make this happen this weekend. I'll figure something out.