Board 8 > My dad passed away unexpectedly. B8, tell your people you love them.

(+) Yeah! (+)

My dad is a pretty typical man, who never really spoke about his feelings much.

We would go months and months without talking, and would basically just check-in on holidays to give updates, we live so far apart that we'd see each other so infrequently, the last time I saw him in person was before COVID.

Luckily, my birthday was a few weeks ago, and we just happened to have like a 3 hour phone call where he told me he loved me a bunch, something he basically never did. We reminisced about when I was a kid, and all sorts of fun and not so fun stuff we did together. We talked about pets who'd passed, and about my kids, and about how excited he was to see them again. He said my daughter reminded him of me to a T, and he couldn't wait to see her succeed.

My entire life, my dad had a drinking problem. It was the major reason my parents ended up divorced. My dad never got over my mom, and even though he's extremely charismatic, handsome, and smart, as far as I know, he never really tried to get a new girlfriend/wife. He told me he knew he fucked up, and that was just how it was. He said he was gonna cut back on drinking, and we joked that he'd save so much money.

He had a dog, a little chiweenie he called Choo-Choo, that he took over from my sister after she had a kid and moved across the country. It was always so funny thinking about how my dad, a man's man had this little tiny dog. He loved that dog, and would talk to me about him like he was his own baby.

All of this is just here for me to say that I am extremely grateful that we had that long conversation just weeks ago. If this happened during one of our months long breaks I don't know if I could handle it. I'm gonna miss my dad forever, and that's just how it is. Thank you for reading.

Sorry to hear it man. Hard losing anyone, but a son losing a father is rough. My dad passed in 2015 and it still cripples me sometimes. Glad you got some closure. Hang in there.

Man, and right before Father's Day. I'm very sorry to hear that. I know first hand how difficult it can be to kick a drinking habit. Still, it sounds like you had a great phone conversation recently so I'm glad you at least have that. Hoping you & your family can support each other, and that you get support from friends.

Lost my dad unexpectedly and suddenly when I was 16, I can definitely sympathize and empathize. I'm so sorry for your loss. I know that no specific words will help in a time like this, just do whatever you need to do to grieve and process. Really glad you had that long conversation with him a few weeks ago!

But what if we hate our dad and constantly remind them that if it weren't for willpower and jail we would have murdered then ages ago.

Also sorry for your loss that sucks.

So sorry to hear that

Sorry, Tony, but I'm glad you had that chance to connect with him recently. I appreciate the reminder. I have a standing appointment each week to spend a few hours hanging out with my mom. We've been doing it for a few years now and it's been good for us, but my dad remarried a couple years ago and moved 2,000+ miles away so we've fallen into the pattern of only really talking a few times a year. I'll have to make an effort to remedy that.

I'm sorry to hear that.

Fuck. Sending my love.

My condolences, glad you had that moment with him at least.

I'm really sorry man. Like I said to Comm, the inevitability of losing my parents someday causes me dread frequently so sometimes I do need that reminder to cherish them while I've got them.

Sorry to hear that. Mine passed away last October from a sudden heart attack. I get it. Nothing ever prepares you for the pain of a sudden loss. A selfish part of me wishes that it was something I could have known about but at least he didnt suffer. Cherish that memory of that phone call, its a beautiful last thing to have.

seriously, my deepest condolences.

Condolences to you and your family.

So many B8ers losing family members all the sudden :( All my love to you and your family, Tony. Glad life let you slip in one very meaningful conversation before he passed

Even though we don't always get along, pretty much all of us around here are too young to have to worry about our parents dying, so hearing about this...I'm really sorry for your loss, Tony.

I'm really sorry to hear that.

My dad passed away in January 2017. He had recently been diagnosed with cancer, but it progressed far more rapidly than we expected. When I talked to him the night before he crashed, everything seemed normal. If he had any clue how bad he was, he didn't say a word to me. He woke up one time when I was in the hospital with him, and he clearly recognized me before they had to put him back under, so I'm the last person he saw before he died. I'm just glad that the last thing we said to each other was "I love you."

It's still kind of surreal to think that my son (who was born last year) will never get to meet him, even though we named him after my dad.

Today was harder than I expected. It's just gonna be like this, huh?

Really sorry to hear, man. Thoughts and hugs to you.

ChaosTonyV4 posted...

Today was harder than I expected. It's just gonna be like this, huh?

Yeah, it's going to be tough for a while. There were times in the first year I'd think of my dad and randomly start crying. Eventually you learn to adjust, but it never gets "better." You just learn to accept that things are different now.

LeonhartFour posted...

It's still kind of surreal to think that my son (who was born last year) will never get to meet him, even though we named him after my dad.

Yeah both of my grandfathers died before I was born; Ive always kinda wondered what it would have been like to know them.

So sorry to hear, both the news and the timing.

You may want to journal your memories of that phone call while it's fresh, just so you can reflect more accurately later...but also that may be too emotionally rough right now. Whatever is good for you in these rawest moments. =/

I'm really sorry, my friend. It may be insensitive to mention, but hearing of friends endure loss like this makes me realize how priviledged I am to still have both my parents and grandma, and all nearby enough that I see them most days. My grandma is likely in the final stage of her life, so I'm trying to make each moment with her count.

LeonhartFour posted...

It's still kind of surreal to think that my son (who was born last year) will never get to meet him, even though we named him after my dad.

LordoftheMorons posted...

Yeah both of my grandfathers died before I was born; Ive always kinda wondered what it would have been like to know them.

I meant to respond to this earlier.

LordoftheMorons posted...

Yeah both of my grandfathers died before I was born; Ive always kinda wondered what it would have been like to know them.

Because of COVID, my dad hadn't visited since 2019, when my daughter was barely 2. He planned a trip this Summer.

She would speak to him over Facetime and on the phone over the years, but when I tried to explain to her that my dad had passed, she kept saying "but what about auntie, we just saw her".

The auntie she's talking about is my wife's sister who visited recently, not MY sister, and I realized that she doesn't even remember my dad, she just think's he's the same grandpa as my wife's dad this whole time.

YoBlazer posted...

I'm really sorry, my friend. It may be insensitive to mention, but hearing of friends endure loss like this makes me realize how priviledged I am to still have both my parents and grandma, and all nearby enough that I see them most days. My grandma is likely in the final stage of her life, so I'm trying to make each moment with her count.

No it's not insensitive at all, it's a really weird thing that we all have to deal with. One of my dad's friends that I'm Facebook friends with posted about doing things with her dad today for the holiday, and it's just like, wow.

My wife just lost her dad on the 5th, on our sons 2 month birthday. Been a rough month for us both.

my condolences

My grandmother just passed away aged 87. Her 90 year old brother just came up last Saturday. She didn't even live long enough to see her brother one last time.

So my sister and I didn't get the chance to see my grandmother one last time, so I can feel your pain. Grandmothers estate payed for our dinner Saturday and her brother raised a toast to her.

Even if you know its going to happen, it can happen faster than you think.

My dad recently passed away suddenly as well, right before Family day, with the added layer that I am executor of the will. It's a hard thing to process. If you ever want to reach out to someone who is in a similar spot please do so, I found it's a tough thing for friends who haven't experienced a loss of a family member at a relatively young age to relate to precisely despite their best efforts and intentions.