Board 8 > Board 8 Ranks the ABCs of Death [RANKINGS + next project poll]

(+) Yeah! (+)

Hello everyone, and welcome to the spooky rankings topic for the project Board 8 Ranks the ABCs of Death, hosted by Johnbobb and inspired by Snake's Board 8 Ranks the 2010s in Horror Movies. What was intended as just a mini two-film ranking project has actually gotten more participation than expected and been a blast to put together!

Before we get into the ranking, a quick mention of the next MAJOR film ranking project planned: I've been wanting to run a Crime Film ranking for a while, and what was originally going to be one crime list ended up expanding and breaking into three lists. Crime 1, Crime 2, and Mysteries. Each of these will be 30 films long, with a deadline of ~3ish months from the end of this ranking. (Just to clarify for those who haven't participated before, this won't be three lists in a row, but one of them with the others eventually in the queue to cycle back around). What the lists basically are:

Crime 1: Organized Crime - The bulk of what was initially planned, the traditional crime films about mobs, mafias, gangs, and so forth.
Crime 2: "Disorganized" Crime - The more grabbag types of crime films; this'll have your heists, outlaws, conspiracies and oddballs.
Crime 3: Mysteries - The whodunnits, the hidden identities, the detectives and the law taken into one's own hands.

Personally I lean toward Organized Crime (since that was the starting point for the lists altogether) but I'm open to any depending on what people are feeling! Share your thoughts!

With that out of the way, let's get into the rankings!

The Shorts:
A Is For Amateur
A is for Apocalypse
B Is For Badger
B is for Bigfoot
C Is For Capital Punishment
C is for Cycle
D Is For Deloused
D Is For Dogfight
E Is For Equilibrium
E Is For Exterminate
F Is For Falling
F Is For Fart
G Is For Grandad
G Is For Gravity
H Is For Headgames
H Is For Hydro-Electric-Diffusion
I Is For Ingrown
I Is For Invincible
J Is For Jesus
J Is For Jidai-Geki
K Is For Klutz
K Is For Knell
L Is For Legacy
L Is For Libido
M Is For Masticate
M Is For Miscarriage
N Is For Nexus
N Is For Nuptials
O Is For Ochlocracy
O Is For Orgasm
P Is For P-P-P-P Scary!
P Is For Pressure
Q Is For Quack
Q Is For Questionnaire
R Is For Removed
R Is For Roulette
S Is For Speed
S Is For Split
T Is For Toilet
T Is For Torture Porn
U Is For Unearthed
U Is For Utopia
V Is For Vacation
V Is For Vagitus
W Is For WTF!
W Is For Wish
X Is For XXL
X Is For Xylophone
Y Is For Youngbuck
Y Is For Youth
Z Is For Zetsumetsu
Z Is For Zygote

The Rankers
Johnbobb
@Snake5555555555
@PrinceKaro
@Inviso
@plasmabeam
@Mythiot
@TomNook
@Raka_Putra
@Suprak_the_Stud
@jcgamer107

the base scores for all movies (any ties will be broken by removing the highest and lowest rankings)
126
129
145
147
164
170
172
179
180
188
190
190
193
201
205
207
214
219
224
226
226
232
232
236
243
248
254
260
275
276
280
293
295
299
299
311
314
332
335
336
341
360
364
372
372
374
386
387
391
393
393
402

ohh yeah here we go!

Gonna guess either Orgasm or Miscarriage for last

Only watched the first one of the first one with foreign language and foreign subtitles soo....

T if for Torture Porn

All three of those ideas sound fun, so I'm down for whatever!

Johnbobb said that whatever last place was (before receiving jcgamer's list at least) had a TOP 5 RANKING (?!?!?!?). So I don't think it can be Orgasm or Miscarriage.

I'm going to guess its one of the really weird ones then because I could at least see people liking those. Maybe Zetsumetsu.

In terms of quality there is a pretty clear last place

do the right thing guys

52. L is for Legacy
Created by: Lancelot Oduwa Imasuen
Most known for: Enakhe
Total score: 402

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5qRD1j4zCY

Raka: 27
plasma: 37
Snake: 38
Inviso: 38
Johnbobb: 39
Karo: 41
Suprak: 41
jcgamer: 43
TomNook: 47
Mythiot: 51

Raka
Interesting setting and set-up. Didn't expect them to speak in English though after all the foreign languages. It's a shame the CG is pretty bad that it took me out of the story and the conclusion is kinda too ambiguous and weak. The early parts were better.

Plasma:
The monster is awesome. The special effects are not. Theres also some kind of convoluted plot going on that I couldnt followbetrayals, murdered priests, other stuff. D

Snake
It seems based in some actual cool mythology - but the execution is all over the place

Inviso
The concept is interesting, and the character work is interesting (a priest is ordered to kill the prince in sacrifice, but he chooses to disobey, believing the queen mother wants her son to be the future king instead). But the ending is hard to comprehend, and I just CANT overlook the HORRIBLE special effect that look like something straight out of Suburban Sasquatch.

Johnbobb
Pretty bad! at least the monster is... something

Karo
I truly hope this is not representative of the quality of Nigerian cinema as a whole. It is a laughable trainwreck of amateurish effects and acting so bad that they had to give it english subtitles despite it being already in english

Suprak
Im not entirely positive what the hell was even going on in this one. I know one thing for sure, and that is this dude needs a new camera. Compared to every other short in the second film, it seems like this guy was working with a hand me down camera from the mid 2000s. It is also really poorly shot, and there is one part where there is an extreme close up on like four different faces back to back to back and I almost started laughing. The special effects here look like something out of the Power Rangers, and Im almost positive I saw this monster on season two in the original show. You dont even get the benefit of a coherent narrative here, and the whole thing is disjointed and confusing. Bad all around, and the only reason I didnt rank it at the very bottom is because its story didnt feel as generic and boring as some of these other ones.

jcgamer
Admirable creature & special effects. This was a weird time to start falling asleep.not that theres any good time during an ABCs movie to start falling asleep

TomNook
So generic. I completely forgot this one even existed

Leaderboard
Raka: 25
plasma: 15
Snake: 14
Inviso: 14
Johnbobb: 13
Karo: 11
Suprak: 11
jcgamer: 9
TomNook: 5
Mythiot: 1

Hint for #51: NOW we have our first Top 5er! Yes, already!

I had a feeling that being forgettable would end up being far more detrimental to ranking than being offensive.

Hmmmm ok that was kinda surprising

Yeah I did not expect that to be last or even bottom 5

I'll guess Libido's next for double L's

Legacy suffered from hardly anyone outright hating it but also nobody putting it in the top half

Fun fact: L is for Legacy is the ONLY short film in the list of 52 that did not end up on somebody's top 50%

That is...not what I was going to guess! There are a ton of ones here that are really quite bad so I knew the fight for the bottom would be vicious. But my 52 is so irredeemable I just am not quite sure how people ranked it in anything other than the bottom five. I'm really curious where it'll land now.

Johnbobb posted...

The special effects here look like something out of the Power Rangers, and Im almost positive I saw this monster on season two in the original show.

My first thought was Season 4 just because of the limbs.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8DSVxNhrcLk

Well, here we are, some Season 2:
https://static.wikia.nocookie.net/powerrangers/images/7/7c/Rat_Monster_creation.gif/revision/latest?cb=20211001164446

Huh, Legacy? Well, that was pretty unexpected. Though yeah, I can see how everyone mostly finding it just sorta 'meh' is to its detriment.

Also wow I'm at the forefront of the outliers...wonder if it'll take.

Johnbobb posted...

Fun fact: L is for Legacy is the ONLY short film in the list of 52 that did not end up on somebody's top 50%

This is very interesting.

Now I'm sad that someone thinks my last place had any kind of value.

And I'm struggling to think how a few others could ever score in the top half. Who watched Gravity and said "this is definitely better than half of them".

Yeah, that would be crazy wouldn't it haha

This isn't what I expected for last place, but I thought this one was just awful. Interesting set up in the beginning that was just ruined by the laughable monster, special effects, acting, and especially editing. You might say I had quite a bit of "venom" for it.

I have a feeling I'm about to defend one of my top 5 picks next.

Never expected L Is For Legacy (or anything from ABCs #2 for that matter) to wind up dead last.

Granted, Legacy is a mess, and it's not something I would ever recommend to anyone.

Johnbobb posted...

Karo
and acting so bad that they had to give it english subtitles despite it being already in english

LMAO! I forgot about the redundant subtitles

Suprak
The special effects here look like something out of the Power Rangers, and Im almost positive I saw this monster on season two in the original show.

Soon as I read this, I was struck by nostalgia and a laughing fit

TomNook posted...

And I'm struggling to think how a few others could ever score in the top half. Who watched Gravity and said "this is definitely better than half of them".

Right? I'm floored that ANYTHING from my Bottom 5 got a top-half vote. These rankings are gonna be wild. Can't wait for more.

Mythiot posted...

I have a feeling I'm about to defend one of my top 5 picks next.

You and me both. I believe my #5 is something others might hate.

Johnbobb posted...

126
129
145
147
164
170
172
179
180
188
190
190
193
201
205
207
214
219
224
226
226
232
232
236
243
248
254
260
275
276
280
293
295
299
299
311
314
332
335
336
341
360
364
372
372
374
386
387
391
393
393
402

Six ties. Nice.

Also, it's hilarious that yesterday I was wondering if anything would crack 500. We barely had one movie crack 400, and I actually had Legacy at #34 before I did my final revisions.

Good to see our Top 2 (and our Top 4) have a somewhat decisive lead over those below.

Haha I was thinking of that! I thought we might have at least some consensus at the very bottom but nope apparently. Only one over 400 is crazy. Only one we all agreed was in the bottom half is also crazy! These are going to be a lot more interesting than I thought.

And...I think my top five are safe? I feel like they're fairly chalky in terms of things I'm guessing most people didn't absolutely hate. But who knows!

Updates will be fairly late tonight because I'm getting a tattoo right after work today

Nice! What of?

I'm assuming he's getting the phrase "F is for Fart" tattooed on his lower back, obviously.

gUtter brilliance!

I bet he's getting "W Is For WTF" across his chest. And arms. And back. And legs. And forehead.

Suprak the Stud posted...

I'm assuming he's getting the phrase "F is for Fart" tattooed on his lower back, obviously.

Nailed it in one

All right, Vegas is back, baby!

For those who didn't participate in the 2010 Horror topic, this is a fun little side game I run based on which movies I think have the best odds of dropping next. Anyone can play at anytime. Just post whatever movie you think will drop next. It's that simple. If you win, you get a spot on the leaderboard. If you lose, you owe me a sizeable chunk of your soul.

Since there are so many movies this time, I'm giving smaller odds on "Any Other Film" than I did in our previous ranking topic. HOWEVER, if you wager on "Any Other Film" AND guess that movie correctly, you'll get +2000. Now start wagering!

VEGAS ODDS ON #51:

F Is For Fart: +500
W Is For WTF!: +500
Y Is For Youth: +500
Z Is For Zetsumetsu: +500
H Is For Hydro-Electric-Diffusion: +700
P Is For P-P-P-P Scary!: +700
T Is For Torture Porn: +700
L Is For Libido: +1000
V Is For Vacation: +1000
Any Other Film: +100 (+2000 if you guess an unlisted movie correctly)

Surprised at some of the individual entries you've listed! I'll stick with Libido for 1000.

Suprak the Stud posted...

Haha I was thinking of that! I thought we might have at least some consensus at the very bottom but nope apparently. Only one over 400 is crazy. Only one we all agreed was in the bottom half is also crazy! These are going to be a lot more interesting than I thought.

It also has me wondering about the opposite--how many received no bottom half scores. If receiving no top half scores was enough to be dead last, then things receiving no bottom half scores could be enough for a win. I'm looking at the list and trying to think of ones that might just be inoffensive enough to fit that. Things with weird shit or even excessive gore will probably be enough to disqualify. I feel like the winner could be out some grouping of A is for Amateur, C is for Capital Punishment, R is for Roulette, or U is for Utopia.

I'll go for W Is For WTF!

I'll guess Zetsumetsu

I was hoping we'd have Vegas odds again!

Since I was way off on the first guess, I'll go with "the field" for now. I'll take Orgasm for the specific guess with no confidence that's actually right.

TomNook posted...

It also has me wondering about the opposite--how many received no bottom half scores. If receiving no top half scores was enough to be dead last, then things receiving no bottom half scores could be enough for a win. I'm looking at the list and trying to think of ones that might just be inoffensive enough to fit that. Things with weird shit or even excessive gore will probably be enough to disqualify. I feel like the winner could be out some grouping of A is for Amateur, C is for Capital Punishment, R is for Roulette, or U is for Utopia.

Holy shit, that's a great point. The Top 10 might come down to "Which films are inoffensive, easy to follow/digest, and enjoyable?"

The winner has an average ranking of 12.6, which means you could potentially have a winner with no Top 10 votes (though I highly doubt that'll happen).

You know, there were a lot of films that looked really poorly made and a lot of films that were really hard to follow and a lot of films that didn't try to do anything particularly interesting or memorable.

L for Legacy might be the only one that fits all three of those categories off the top of my head. I'm sure I'm forgetting at least one considering all the bad stuff here.

You may be right.

I want to say I Is For Ingrown and U Is For Unearthed fit those three categories you mentioned, but I can't remember if either was poorly made.

I'll go with Zetsumetsu

I will guess my #5, because being 2nd lowest in the outlier feels wrong.

Gonna guess Libido.

https://imgur.com/Px81N0L

update incoming

51. Z is for Zetsumetsu (Extinction)
Created by: Yoshihiro Nishimura
Most known for: Tokyo Gore Police, Helldriver
Total score: 393

<unavailable online>

TomNook: 5
Johnbobb: 19
jcgamer: 24
Karo: 44
Mythiot: 44
Inviso: 50
Suprak: 51
Snake: 52
plasma: 52
Raka: 52

TomNook
Complete mayhem, but visually very interesting. From the director of Tokyo Gore Police, so this is expected. There is always something fascinating happening. Good nudity.

Johnbobb
i don't fuckin know man i'm so tired

jcgamer
Christ almighty Japan - I think this movie collectively is the weirdest Ive ever seen you, and Ive seen you pretty weird. I was laughing a lot though, especially at 9/11 on the girls tits lol. And I kinda like the Dr Strangelove guy.

Karo
An overblown and nonsensical circus featuring more penis-fu than I ever thought I'd see in my lifetime

Inviso
Yeah, this was random chaos for the sake of random chaos, making no sense while showcases breasts and penises in the least appealing manner possible. This was just gross and confusing, and it ripped off Dr. Strangelove, so theres that too. Throw in some awful cinematography and cuts and this was unpleasant across the board.

Suprak
I want the person responsible for this to be banned from operating a camera in the future, and I dont just mean like professional cameras either. I dont think this person should own an iPhone because Im afraid they might try and record a video on it. And Im sure youre like wow it seems kind of harsh to ban a person from owning a camera and how would we even enforce that but I ensure you, its for the greater good. If a doctor was supposed to remove someones appendix and wound up cutting off their feet and setting the hospital on fire, they would get their license taken away. Z is for Zetsumetsu is the film making equivalent of that. This is the equivalent of a twelve-year-old writing out racial slurs on 4chan and you can tell the director is just trying to be an obnoxious edgelord to show how controversial he is. Everything about this is meant to be intentionally, over the top offensive but without any hint of actual political commentary or skill. It is a series of nonsense scenes, an example of what happens when you mix avant garde filmmaking with an undiagnosed head injury. I hated everything about this and I cant think of a single positive thing to say.

Snake
I half-fell asleep during this one because it was like 4:30 in the morning and every time I opened up my eyes again there was some new random crap happening on the screen

Plasma
Somebody actually wrote this atrocity and managed to blackmail more than a dozen actors into reading the script, signing on, and participating in whatever the fuck this was. I wouldnt say theres a plot here, but there is a twist toward the end that suggests that our kitchen appliances are powered by naked women fighting each other with sex toys. If this is even remotely true, Im prepared to starve to death. F

Raka
Ugh, one of those huh. Disgusting. No wonder nobody uploaded this short on its own.

Leaderboard
TomNook: 51
Johnbobb: 45
jcgamer: 37
Raka: 26
Karo: 19
Inviso: 16
plasma: 16
Snake: 15
Suprak: 11
Mythiot: 9

Zetsumetsu is so visually appealing. Some of the stuff is so surreal and well framed that you can pause the short like 50 times, and have something that would look excellent on a poster to hang up.

Beauty is in the eye of the beholder, I suppose. I find it a bit too chaotic to be really memorable visually.

Anyway, I'm glad I got the prediction right.

Another update coming tonight, then hoping to get at least 3/day after that, preferably more

Johnbobb posted...

Leaderboard
Raka: 25
plasma: 15
Snake: 14
Inviso: 14
Johnbobb: 13
Karo: 11
Suprak: 11
jcgamer: 9
TomNook: 5
Mythiot: 1

Johnbobb posted...

Leaderboard
TomNook: 51
Johnbobb: 45
jcgamer: 37
Raka: 25
Karo: 19
Inviso: 16
plasma: 15
Snake: 14
Suprak: 12
Mythiot: 9

Snake, Raka, and I should have +1 each since we ranked Zetsumetsu #52

Suprak should've had +0 since he ranked it #51

plasmabeam posted...

Snake and I should have +1 each since we ranked Zetsumetsu #52

Suprak should've had +0 since he ranked it #51

whoops, you're right, I got the 51s and 52s mixed up