Poll of the Day > Is living with parents past 18 a problem?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm in my 30's and still live at home with my dad. I'm not dependant on him, pay half the bills and do some of the chores so I really don't find it a big deal. Most the time me and my old man do our own thing so it's no different then moving in with a housemate or whatever as far as I'm concerned. Still some folk have the notion that past 18 you should move out no matter what. This has always confused me as that's basically making yourself homeless. Thoughts?

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In this day in age it makes practical economic sense for a lot of people. It's expensive not to co-habitate, and most people prefer to do that with people they know/are comfortable with. I am thirty and have many peers that still live with their parents. Most are paying rent and not in a "free ride" type situation, but a mutual living environment. The stigma from previous social generations will be hard to shake, but who cares what others think as long as it works for you? I don't live with my parents currently, but I know I have that option if I ever fall on harder times.

Live your life however you want. If you're living at home as an adult, make sure you're contributing, though.

I moved out at 23 and I felt like a child still living at home up until that point. But I was both employed and in university the entire time, and I moved out within a month of graduating with my second degree.

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I do and I'm 23 almost 24, It's incredibly hard to get even a mediocre paying job for me let alone one that lets me move out and live comfortably. All my friends who are out are living with 4+ people. It's painful and I hate it but the alternative is being homeless or incredibly poor at the very least.

I graduated on my 16th birthday and my mom kicked me out of the place I moved us into (while she was in a mental institution) that she got for free through Section 8 (which required me and my brother to live there. My brother had been in the system for 5 years already).

If you have a parent who wants you/lets you live with them after your 18, feel blessed. It is certainly nothing to feel bad about. Honestly many young men or even older men (like me) have roomates now because it's so expensive to rent even a 1 bedroom, so living with relatives makes a ton of sense, at least till you get in a relationship strong enough to co-habitat with someone else.

If such a relationship doesn't happen, why would you possibly leave, as long as you have autonomy and like living with your parents, go for it.

Even if you do meet someone, if there is enough space, it STILL makes sense, especially if you actually have a baby etc, since it's more hands to help take care of the little one, and a closer family that way.

I personally think anyone who still lives with their parents now adays is lucky AF.

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Short answer is "yes" with an "unless" (specifically if you're paying all of their bills and caring for them, you're currently in school, running a business together, or live in parts of Asia), long answer is "it depends" with a lot of "if"s.

Given the current global pandemic, it's more understandable.

wwinterj25 posted...

I'm not dependant on him, pay half the bills and do some of the chores so I really don't find it a big deal.

Where are you getting the money? I thought you weren't working right now.

wwinterj25 posted...

This has always confused me as that's basically making yourself homeless.

The expectation is that people make something of themselves, not simply become homeless. If you're moving out so you can be homeless, you're just failing in a different direction >_>

wolfy42 posted...

I personally think anyone who still lives with their parents now adays is lucky AF.

You shouldn't be doing it or need to do it, but obviously having that kind of a support system is good. Ideally people should always try to have somebody to turn to instead of relying on the government.

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Not in this economy

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In of itself, not a problem at all.

That said, ideally it comes with the caveat that you're contributing to the household in some fashion or (attempting) to work/gain employment and not freeloading.

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Multi generational housing is gonna become standard again with the economy as it is.

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I live in California, theres no way in Hell or anywhere else that I could afford to buy or rent my own place here.

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Fierce_Deity_08 posted...

I live in California, theres no way in Hell or anywhere else that I could afford to buy or rent my own place here.

I miss CA so much, but honestly the cost of living here in WA is already one of the highest in the US, moving back to the Bay Area where I'm most comfortable, has the best food etc, is just flat out irresponsible at this point.

I only probably have a few years left of being able to work and even now the jobs I can do are limited. Social security doesn't kick in till i'm 60, and I refuse to take disability (even if i'm disabled), so I need to live as frugal as possible.

Even working, living in the Bay Area unless your making 80k + is hard, no way I can do that on savings etc.

I am going to make a trip there soon though now that masks are not going to be required! I so want to at least visit.

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No.

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wolfy42 posted...

Social security doesn't kick in till i'm 60,

I thought you were in your 60s. And the earlier you take it, the less money you get.

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Zeus posted...

I thought you were in your 60s. And the earlier you take it, the less money you get.

Sadly I know that but I won't make it much past 60 if I make it that long so I might as well take what I can get. It'll only be like $1200 a month when I'm 60 which even now isn't really enough tbh.

I'm just past 50 btw, but have diabetes, high blood pressure (though mostly under control now with meds), my eyesight and hearing are failing fast (especially eyesight, I prob can correct the hearing with better hearing aids, the ones I got don't work very well). I have degenerative disk disease in my back but refuse to get surgery (as I have seen what that surgery can do) and have already lived longer then most of my relatives on my mothers side (my brother passed away 6 years ago and was 2 years younger than me).

So yeah, if I make another decade to 61 i'll be freaking lucky. I refuse to get disability (my medical insurance tried to force me, even signing me up without my consent but luckily I had to fill out papers and stopped it).

I won't stop working till there is absolutely nothing I can do, and that should still be awhile. I can certainly answer phones and if the monitor is large enough (or I can use my TV as a monitor) I can type/read stuff as well. I may eventually have to work from home so I can use a big screen like that, but I imagine I should be able to do something for most of the remaining 9 years till I can retire.

I just won't be retiring in CA for sure:(

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Zeus posted...

Where are you getting the money? I thought you weren't working right now.

Tax payers right now. However when I do work money would then come from a job naturally. How I get money doesn't change that I don't expect my old man to pay everything for me as I contribute.

The expectation is that people make something of themselves, not simply become homeless.

Sure. Although I'd question at 18 just how far someone would be with that goal. Still everyones circumstances are different.

You shouldn't be doing it or need to do it, but obviously having that kind of a support system is good. Ideally people should always try to have somebody to turn to instead of relying on the government.

Living at home due to unemployment is a smart move in my situation so I absolutely should be doing it. It works for me, works for my old man and life is much more easy that way. Sure the goal is to get a job and move out but until then here I am. I'm also "relying on the government" for money. The alternative would be I'd be homeless on the streets. It's always weird to be how some folk say what "should" and "shouldn't be" in others lives providing it's legal.


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So I have a few friends that are just either about to have a baby or have had one in the last year or so.

2 of em are 38, so that isn't too bad, they be under 60 when their kid graduates HS at least, but even for them, it would make alot of sense for their kid to just stay living with them as they start to need someone to care for them *lol*.

But my other friend/couple, is over 60!!! Yeah, I'm still a bit horrified to be honest, and she JUST got pregnant so he'll be 62 before the baby is born. That means he will be freaking 80 when his child is graduating from HS.

He is actually retireing to take car of the baby lol (while his wife, who is younger, still works).

Point is, since many are having children later in life, and will often be at or near 60 (or even older) by the time their child would move out, it's probably going to make alot of sense for families to just keep living together and transition from one party taking care of the other, to the reverse.

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i ended up moving back home. focusing on saving for retirement. Il never own a home.

No. BUT, make the most of it. I moved out pretty fast because my dad was, and still is a massive alcoholic. If you have the opportunity to stay with your parents thats fine. Just take the opportunity to work and save and not blow it. And its also not supposed to be permanent.

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MarioLinkNES posted...

If you have the opportunity to stay with your parents thats fine. Just take the opportunity to work and save and not blow it.

Can't stress this enough.
Living with parents makes it so much easier to save money for a house or a vehicle. I've always been just a little envious of anyone who has the opportunity to do that tbh.

Remember, their house their rules.

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I moved out at twenty. They didn't want me to go (I paid rent) and that would mean my step mother would have less money. I got sick of their shit. Honestly I couldn't see anyone living with parents short of medical or educational purposes(why live in dorm if your college is local to your parents). However since this grand country of the US does consider you an adult until 21(18 is probationary adulthood all the penalties but reduced rewards) it's not a bad thing especially if you don't own a house and are military on deployment

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Think Ive ripped you about it a bit a couple times but its actually not that bad, we all know how expensive houses are here.

I moved out to uni at 18 for 5 years, lived in Kent for 2 years then moved back in with my parents in London for about a year and a half before I bought my flat.

Nothing wrong with living with your parents but if you have any plans to move out then you just need to use that to your advantage and save like crazy whilst youre there. No point living with your rents whilst trying to live a lavish lifestyle cause youll never move out

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Depends entirely on the situation. If you are living with your folks at 30 and totally freeloading, that is a huge issue unless you are taking care of a family member.

I know a guy in a similar situation who lives at home because it was just him and his dad.

No, as long as you are contributing to the household income or are going to school. Those were pretty much my dad's rules when I lived with him.

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Even if you do get a "well paying job", and mine is $13.50 an hour, I'd rather rent go to my single mom instead of some random landlord.

It's only an issue when girls are involved.

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Not if you cannot afford to be on your own it isn't but of course, as my parents always told us, kids, as long as you stay under our roof you'll have to abide by our rules so there is that aspect of living with your folks.

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No problem, especially if they help out with the work and/or finances.

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No it isn't as long as you help with the bills, chores, etc.

I know how it feels to not have your own place and it feels a lot worse to know that other people your age have their own and/or live together with a significant other.

It sucks. I wish more people could have more happiness in their lives.
But it's so hard to get to know people IRL in this digital age.
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Like the others say, it depends...if they are elderly or have Medical issues, then it's ok...
If you all get along and Help with the Bills/Morgage/etc then it's ok

If you're just being a Lazy Freeloader who just lay around and smoke Drugs, Watch Porn and Play Video Games all day, then yea, it's a Problem...

It's mostly a problem if you're freeloading and not contributing somehow or if it enables someone to do that.

18 is really young also. It's very normal to live with parents still while going to uni (coming home during the summer, holidays, or just all the time if the school is nearby) and right after for a bit.

The economy is shit for many people and it's becoming more normal to save money even past that.

That said, I wouldn't have dated anyone living at home once I was 25+ because that's just a different set of circumstances than what I'm looking for.

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Yellow posted...

It's only an issue when girls are involved.

No danger of that. Getting a job and moving out is more important than dating for me right now anyway.


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If you're contributing, then not at a problem at all. I have a wonderful relationship with my parents, they don't want me to go, we all contribute and are generally never really stressed out about bills and stuff. Me moving out would just put unnecessary strain on all of us, especially with the pandemic and all that.

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Its smart financially if you are also working and helping pay bills. Used to be common practice even in america.

Considering we signed the lease together I see it more as we simply live together than I live with her. Hell for about half a year I was paying all the bills plus her stuff like phone and car payment.

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Oh. @mooreandrew58

How ya been, buddy? Its been a while...
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LinkPizza posted...

Oh. @mooreandrew58

How ya been, buddy? Its been a while...

Im alive. Overtime hell right now. I only ever get one day off at a time and sometimes pull like 8 days in a row. I called out today just so I could have 2 days off

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mooreandrew58 posted...

Im alive. Overtime hell right now. I only ever get one day off at a time and sometimes pull like 8 days in a row. I called out today just so I could have 2 days off

Yeah. Thats sound pretty brutal. And youre working at a prison, too, right?
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LinkPizza posted...

Yeah. Thats sound pretty brutal. And youre working at a prison, too, right?

Yep and in a dorm thats had 4 fights in a week.

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mooreandrew58 posted...

Yep and in a dorm thats had 4 fights in a week.

That sounds like a pain, tbh...
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LinkPizza posted...

That sounds like a pain, tbh...

It is. I somehow always end up where it's seemingly the worst spot to be

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mooreandrew58 posted...

It is. I somehow always end up where it's seemingly the worst spot to be

Yeah. I definitely understand that.
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LinkPizza posted...

Yeah. I definitely understand that.

I did have a date yesterday though. Long distance sucks but he says he doesn't mind the drive. It feels weird after so long being single

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wwinterj25 posted...

Sure. Although I'd question at 18 just how far someone would be with that goal. Still everyones circumstances are different.

If the public education system and college actually works, graduates should be fully self-sufficient when they finish school. If that's not happening, then it's time to revamp the system. There would need to be mass firings of teachers and teachers unions -- which work against the public interest -- would need to be curtailed or outright disbanded, as well as removing the feckless administrators who allowed them to fuck shit up.

wolfy42 posted...

But my other friend/couple, is over 60!!! Yeah, I'm still a bit horrified to be honest, and she JUST got pregnant so he'll be 62 before the baby is born. That means he will be freaking 80 when his child is graduating from HS.

He is actually retireing to take car of the baby lol (while his wife, who is younger, still works).

I guess good for him, getting a younger wife like that?

wolfy42 posted...

Point is, since many are having children later in life, and will often be at or near 60 (or even older) by the time their child would move out, it's probably going to make alot of sense for families to just keep living together and transition from one party taking care of the other, to the reverse.

Well, the other thing often was that parents would move in with the kids when their kids started to have children of their own. Or you'd have multigenerationals where the grandparents were the ones looking after the grandkids. Culture-wise, that doesn't really happen as much in the developed west particularly given the trend for teens to move away from home to college, after which they either settle around where they went to college or go to where the jobs are.


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Zeus posted...

Culture-wise, that doesn't really happen as much in the developed west particularly given the trend for teens to move away from home to college, after which they either settle around where they went to college or go to where the jobs are.

I usually don't agree with Zeus, but this is correct. This point of view varies by different cultures. In some cultures its normal for multiple generations to live in the same household.

My parents are broke and can't afford the house they live in. So I continue to live here and pay all the necessary bills. Makes no financial sense for me to move out. People like to talk about independence, but I don't think living paycheck to paycheck does a really good job of demonstrating that. I've managed to save up quite a bit of money, and that's with working part time until just recently. I think a lot of young people grossly underestimate the cost of living alone.

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Zeus posted...

If the public education system and college actually works, graduates should be fully self-sufficient when they finish school. If that's not happening, then it's time to revamp the system.

At 18 you have barley started working regardless of education and moving out seems silly at that age. That's what I'm getting at. I don't care about your personal problems.

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mooreandrew58 posted...

I did have a date yesterday though. Long distance sucks but he says he doesn't mind the drive. It feels weird after so long being single

I was never a fan of LTR. They usually didnt end well. With my current BF, we were long term for a short time, though. But it was only because he had to move on short notice because of his sinking house. But he moved back to town some time ago. So its all good now. Haha. But glad to hear that youre still able to have some time for a personal life. It can be hard with the amount youve been working...
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It's not a problem, but you also can't expect to be able to do a bunch of normal things like maintain a relationship, spend money on luxuries/recreation, etc.

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LinkPizza posted...

I was never a fan of LTR. They usually didnt end well. With my current BF, we were long term for a short time, though. But it was only because he had to move on short notice because of his sinking house. But he moved back to town some time ago. So its all good now. Haha. But glad to hear that youre still able to have some time for a personal life. It can be hard with the amount youve been working...

My main cause of concern with this guy is ages ago he was into me and I was more vain back then (he's on the larger side) so I tried playing racist to scare him away..... It didnt work. That was even brought up over dinner last night. Man knows what he wants and is persistent. He's a black man that wants a white redneckish guy lol

I feel bad about it now he seems so good for me now that ive given him a chance.

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My best friend is 29 and lives at home.

wwinterj25 posted...

At 18 you have barley started working regardless of education and moving out seems silly at that age. That's what I'm getting at. I don't care about your personal problems.

This might be true today.

When I was 18, I already had 4 years of working experience (yes, I started working at 14).