Poll of the Day > PotD, advise me.

(+) Yeah! (+)

If you were in my situation which would you choose:

1) Finish your Master's degree which is being paid for by your current work and plan to teach overseas when that is done in 1.5 years

2) take a leave of absence from school, go overseas as soon as possible and then start your program back up and pay out of pocket to finish your degree which you can afford out of your salary

My current situation: ex of 6 years and I broke up. I am very unhappy staying here. I don't have anything tying me here. No kids, almost no family. But it's only been two months and Idk if I'm rushing to make a decision emotionally. I just would like some different perspectives from different people.

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finish your degree

it's like leveling up in an rpg, and who knows what changes of plans youll make by the time that is finished

From my experience, dont teach abroad. My Fianc has done that most of her adult live in multiple countries and its always the same, the local teachers all treat her like crap and think they are better than her. The worst being her current country of Thailand. She has friends when they need her to do something. But talk behind her back and "busy" when she needs something. This was the case in the Philippines, Australia, and Spain as well.

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1. Never pay for anything that your employer is willing to pay for you. Going overseas isn't guaranteed to solve your unhappiness.

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babynames.com


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I would say finish the degree first. Having someone else pay for it Is huge and sometimes it can be tough starting things back up and getting into school mode. A smaller change of scenery like moving out of your current house would be better than moving overseas right away.

Although just saying fuck it and having a huge change like that all at once can be good mentally. Hitting the reset button can be rather refreshing.

Really just depends on what you really want to do. I would say the safer and more responsible approach would be to finish the degree and take baby steps to your ultimate goal. Usually has a higher degree of long term success. If you really just want the big change then I say go for it and know that you can make it work as long as you commit to it.

finish your degree and then do literally anything except teach overseas

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Option 2 is just going to result in you being equally unhappy in Korea with no money. Grieving takes time, and trying to rush it by making major life changes won't work. Finish your degree, then go. That'll leave you in a much better position to find a decent, different place to live (which would probably be a good idea to look into now, since living in that house is only going to keep reminding you of him).

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Option 1

Jen0125 posted...

go overseas as soon as possible and then start your program back up and pay out of pocket to finish your degree which you can afford out of your salary

If you move overseas, will you keep your job with your current employer?

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both of those options sound like they arent going to make you happy, so im not sure what the real difference will be aside from which location you are going to be unhappy in.

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Living with an ex sounds miserable. If it was me Id pick option 2 just to move on to a better situation, even if it would cost extra money

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Jen0125 posted...

go overseas as soon as possible

It's the "as soon as possible" that makes me think the first option is best. Don't want to see you put off your masters indefinitely waiting for the stars to align.

If you know you can make an overseas excursion happen sooner rather than later then go for that

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adjl posted...

Option 2 is just going to result in you being equally unhappy in Korea with no money. Grieving takes time, and trying to rush it by making major life changes won't work. Finish your degree, then go. That'll leave you in a much better position to find a decent, different place to live (which would probably be a good idea to look into now, since living in that house is only going to keep reminding you of him).

I'll have money. It's untaxed income and my housing is paid for. I will have enough to pay out of pocket for the degree and still live fine.

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Noop_Noop posted...

both of those options sound like they arent going to make you happy, so im not sure what the real difference will be aside from which location you are going to be unhappy in.

Trying something new has the potential to make me happier, unhappier or the same. It's a risk. You said traveling has made you happy. Why couldn't it do the same for me?

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SunWuKung420 posted...

If you move overseas, will you keep your job with your current employer?

No, I'll be doing TEFL.

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Id say finish your degree but try to find a living situation that better suits your happiness in the mean time. If doing the difficult thing now helps you in the long run go for it.

My ex is not currently living here, either. Just to add info. I'm just miserable in this situation. I still have a few months to see if my mental state improves though. I'm just trying to get some opinions.

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Jen0125 posted...

Trying something new has the potential to make me happier, unhappier or the same. It's a risk. You said traveling has made you happy. Why couldn't it do the same for me?

i get to travel with my family, and im not doing it for work or education.

in your case you are going alone, and forestalling your education to do so. correct me if im wrong, but that is not the sort of thing that is likely to lead to a positive state of mind for you.

if you thought it was a good idea to go right now then this wouldnt even be a question. you'd already be looking for a place in south korea, and seeing what sort of managed isolation is necessary to get there asap. your bags would be packed, and youd be ready to go.

if odds are likely that you are going to be unhappy either way, then go with the option that puts you in the best position to succeed afterwards. finish your education.

and dont listen to the buttholes naysaying the job you are going for. how good or bad that job is going to be, and how the people there are going to treat you, is going to be much more in your control.

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I think delaying my degree would cause me anxiety because it's a goal I have set and that would cause me a strain mentally. But it's not something that is extremely time sensitive. I have 6 years in which to finish the program.

I'm just trying to get some perspectives because I don't want to act out of emotion. Historically that has not worked well for me.

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definitely not #2

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Jen0125 posted...

I'm just trying to get some perspectives because I don't want to act out of emotion.

option #2 is clearly you acting out of emotion, so yeah, probably dont do that

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It's a tougher call than I think a lot of people think it is.

That being said. Getting your degree paid for is definitely the better option imo.

I understand why you are considering #2, but me personally would probably wait 6ish months before really considering that.

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Do 2 the grass is greener!

Jen0125 posted...

If you were in my situation which would you choose:

1) Finish your Master's degree which is being paid for by your current work and plan to teach overseas when that is done in 1.5 years

2) take a leave of absence from school, go overseas as soon as possible and then start your program back up and pay out of pocket to finish your degree which you can afford out of your salary

My current situation: ex of 6 years and I broke up. I am very unhappy staying here. I don't have anything tying me here. No kids, almost no family. But it's only been two months and Idk if I'm rushing to make a decision emotionally. I just would like some different perspectives from different people.

Dont terminate your schooling/college. I feel like youre onto something good, especially if your current job is paying for it.

I think you need to move on from this ex, and you need to do it ASAP. You should look for a small apartment there and move out and be done with him. Meet some friends, focus on school. And if its another guy you want, eventually, youll have no issue finding one.
I think you just need to focus on you. Youve got plenty to look forward to.

finish degree

make your company pay for it

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Finish your degree.

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Im so conflicted. Part of me wants to say:

Does the degree give you > 30% salary increase? Finish the degree.

Do you enjoy the degree? Finish the degree.

Do you dislike the degree and it wont give you more money? Leave.

I thought youve wanted this degree for like, years though.

But also part of me wants to say:

Guard your mental health very carefully. Once it breaks, its very hard to rebuild. Do whats going to let you be where you want to be in two years and factor mental health into that, you need whatever brings you the mental health more than money if youre already making > 35k. Eventually finding a partner and close friends is important for long-term happiness and its not happening in a bad state of mental health...itll seep and mess up other parts of your life. Unless a degree brings you more money, it doesnt mean much unless you decide that it does.

The only zen you'll find on a mountain top is the Zen you bring with you.

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Oh hes not living there? Well definitely finish your degree then bae.

Id just go over as soon as possible and make contacts. Im going to take two weeks to travel next year and not go back. I already made that mistake once.

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3) Get under my ex.

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Finish your degree for free. If you are happy where you are at right now, there is no reason not to take advantage of a free education.

GunslingerGunsl posted...

Finish your degree for free. If you are happy where you are at right now, there is no reason not to take advantage of a free education.

I'm not happy where I am right now. That's why I'm thinking about changing plans.

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Ooops I misread your original post. In that case, I would really weigh the emotional cost of staying and finishing your degree. If you feel you can comfortably pay your way through the degree overseas without any other foreseeable issues, then it may be worth moving away now. It really depends on what resources you have available to you now. If you can find another low-cost place to stay away from your ex while you finish your degree, maybe that would be a good option. Do what you think will make you happy, or at least make it easier to work on your happiness.

Also, if I were in the situation, my first priority would be to get out of the house in any way I could. You need space and time to work on yourself. It is hard to do that in your current environment.

The smart decision would be to finish the degree if it's getting paid for but I'd be lying if I said I always made the smart decision knowing all my options.

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finish the degree and then move abroad

can't you for now move to the dorm?

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I can't afford to move out. There aren't any studio apartments that are the same or less than I pay for my half of the mortgage. And I like my house.

Wanded posted...

finish the degree and then move abroad

can't you for now move to the dorm?

No, I attend school virtually and dorms are fucking expensive as hell.

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I lack important context. If your plan is to teach overseas and you can do that without the masters, what are you getting the masters for?

If it was me, I'd probably take option 2 if I'm never intending to use that masters but I just don't know what your plans are beyond getting the degree and teaching.

Perhaps a decent 3rd option if you can find a way is to take a vacation for 2-3 weeks. Just really get yourself out of your normal routine for a bit and reset your mental. If you come back after that recharged and feeling ok then stay and finish the degree. If you are still miserable a week or so after getting back but you felt good on the vacation then go overseas. If you are miserable on the vacation and back at home then I'd probably say to just suffer it for a little longer and revisit the decision in a month or two. Your brain might just still be depressed about the break up and in that case it might not matter where you are.

Oh, I should have asked this sooner but what about your current situation has you feeling unhappy?

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YoukaiSlayer posted...

I lack important context. If your plan is to teach overseas and you can do that without the masters, what are you getting the masters for?

I am getting a Master's to become a librarian. I started this degree before all this happened. This Master's degree can also give me a leg up to getting a better paying job with better benefits at an international school. I'm going to finish it either way. It's just a timeline shift.

YoukaiSlayer posted...

Oh, I should have asked this sooner but what about your current situation has you feeling unhappy?

The breakdown of my mostly happy and loving relationship of six years. It only happened a couple months ago.

I am thinking I'm gonna just keep doing what I'm doing for a few more months and assess if my mental state is better. If it improves then I probably can just finish my degree now. I would like to be able to go overseas without any responsibilities other than acclimating to a new culture and learning a new job.

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Jen0125 posted...

less than I pay for my half of the mortgage

you can rent your current spot to someone else and add what's needed for another place

if it's virtual though doesn't that mean you can basically go live in any state you want since you aren't tied down to any specific thing

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Wanded posted...

you can rent your current spot to someone else and add what's needed for another place

if it's virtual though doesn't that mean you can basically go live in any state you want since you aren't tied down to any specific thing

I can't rent it. My ex is half owner.

And no I can't go live in any state, I have a job.

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There are always options, Jen. Sometimes you have to make sacrifices. I'm not sure where you live but I live in California where it is generally expensive. My friends and I have all had various living situations and I've seen many people always find affordable places when they really need to. Sometimes it means that you either need a roommate, need to settle for a longer commute, or need to get an extra part time job. I understand that I do not know your situation fully, but if you really want advice here then I stand by what I said. Compromise somehow and move out. I can't tell you that it won't be difficult. You have a tough decision to make.

Jen0125 posted...

I am thinking I'm gonna just keep doing what I'm doing for a few more months and assess if my mental state is better. If it improves then I probably can just finish my degree now. I would like to be able to go overseas without any responsibilities other than acclimating to a new culture and learning a new job.

Probably for the best.

Jen0125 posted...

I am getting a Master's to become a librarian

I didn't know that needed a degree. Huh. The more ya know I guess.

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I'm not sure why everyone thinks I should give up my affordable and available housing to.. Do what? My ex isn't living here. I'm here alone. Why should I go live alone somewhere else when I can live alone in my house?

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I think a lot of people didn't read and don't realize the guy moved out.

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Well it doesn't say that in the original post. So that's probably why. Also, you say that you're unhappy there so I guess the logical conclusion most people are making is to leave. But hey, you were the one that asked for advice. lol

It doesn't make sense to leave my house when I have housing. That wasn't the advice I was asking for. I was asking about opinions on a timeline for my degree.

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GunslingerGunsl posted...

Finish your degree for free.

:)

Yes, and I saw that. Ty.

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