Board 8 > Jesse Ranks TV Show Intros - The Rankings

(+) Yeah! (+)

108. Walker Texas Ranger - ChaosTonyV4
https://youtu.be/NIYZVSElmj4

Unique: 1
Story: 1.25
Music: 3.75
Animation: N/A
Personal: 0.75
Average: 1.6875

Its actually tough for me to believe this intro could have ever been taken seriously. Even disregarding the embarrassingly bad green screen of Chuck Norris in front of the sky (which I assume looked acceptable back in the 90s), theres some really goofy moments like Norris eyes appearing in the sun and the flames around the Texas Ranger badge.

Also, the intro doesnt seem to know if it wants us to view Norris as a badass with a mean spin kick or a fun-loving guy who grins while a woman gets him in a headlock. Id say the goofy personality is what mostly comes across here, and its actually one of the only ways this intro advances a story beyond showing what we already know from the title, that the hero is a Texas Ranger.

The theme song is the best thing about the intro, which isnt saying much. Its a generic country-ish song, and I dont care for the parts where the vocalist is basically just talking. But the melody on the chorus is all right and at least makes the song memorable.

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That 'vocalist' is Chuck Norris himself, which should bump it up at least 10 spots imo

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bryans7 posted...

That 'vocalist' is Chuck Norris himself, which should bump it up at least 10 spots imo

Wow, I had no idea. Okay, Ill admit that actually does change my impression of the song. Hes not a bad singer.

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107. Captain Planet - Johnbobb
https://youtu.be/OiYjTb3opAA

Unique: 1.5
Story: 1.25
Music: 1.25
Animation: 3
Personal: 1.5
Average: 1.7

To be fair, creating a superhero to teach kids important lessons without coming across as patronizing isnt easy. But however challenging a premise they had to work with, they could have a done better job than this.

The animation is subpar and lazy compared to most cartoons of its era, as evident from the very first frame. It didnt even look like the characters mouths were synching up properly with the vocals at one point. The only part that looked pretty good were the flames.

The theme song is even worse. Ill ignore the absurd lyrics gonna take pollution down to zero (which would only be possible with the Don Cheadle version of Captain Planet turning every person on Earth into a tree). But melodically, its a mess, and is an ordeal to get through when the kids join in singing near the end.

Theres also virtually no story here. Some kids summon a blue guy who fights pollution. And thats about it. The kids have zero personality, and Captain Planet has no personality. The closest thing to a character with personality here is the fat guy on the beach having a drink with a little umbrella in it while amusing himself by watching a dolphin trapped in a net. At least thats kind of unique.

To sum up, this is a good example of how not to do an intro.

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Huh. I've always known this as the intro:

https://youtu.be/GyOMYC6mlsY

And that song as the outro:

https://youtu.be/0fmGPqzBkIw

Edited note: I also just really enjoy TNG and Reading Rainbow era LeVar Burton introing another helpful and inspiring program

Another note: The only things that sync up are the elements at the beginning and the forced edit of... that guy. I forget that guy. Was he voiced by Tim Curry? I remember Hoggish Greedly and his rat friend; Dr. Blight and her compyter (no, wait, that was Tim Curry... right?); the Rat King; yellow rock guy; Captain Pollution; and the garbage hauling Jon Lovitz looking ghostbuster.

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Yeah that is music video with clips from the intro visuals with the ending song dubbed over it

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Hmm, I didnt realize that and just went with the link that was nominated, which looked like an intro. Im sure I watched this show as a kid, but I had no memory of the intro. Oh well. I actually like the real intro a lot more.

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Oh man, I barely even remember the real intro, I just remembered that song and thought it was the intro (which the video seemed to confirm)

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Mega Mana posted...

WHOOPI GOLDBERG! JEFF GOLDBLUM! MEG RYAN! MARGOT KIDDER! STING! ED ASNER! JOHN RATZENBERGER! MALCOLM MACDOWELL! MARTIN SHEEN! Holy fuck this cast

Wow, Im looking it up now based on what you said and Im seeing even more big names including Neil Patrick Harris.

And apparently they almost got Tom Cruise to play Captain Planet?

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Johnbobb posted...

Oh man, I barely even remember the real intro, I just remembered that song and thought it was the intro (which the video seemed to confirm)

At least you didn't accidentally nominate the Season 6 Intro:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPdryw0ZXE8

It's not even funny bad. It's just...wrong, a disturbing aberration that should not exist.
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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

At least you didn't accidentally nominate the Season 6 Intro:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPdryw0ZXE8

It's not even funny bad. It's just...wrong, a disturbing aberration that should not exist.

Im speechless.

I have so many questions. Like why was Captain Planet a vampire?

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

At least you didn't accidentally nominate the Season 6 Intro:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPdryw0ZXE8

It's not even funny bad. It's just...wrong, a disturbing aberration that should not exist.

what the flying fuck

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

At least you didn't accidentally nominate the Season 6 Intro:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=iPdryw0ZXE8

It's not even funny bad. It's just...wrong, a disturbing aberration that should not exist.

I hate you for bringing this to my attention.

Jesus wept.

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Yuk! is right.

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I'm sorry I've been trying to go about my life but I just had to stop and mention that for the past hour I've still been thinking about that last Captain Planet intro. I had to come back and watch it again because I was half sure that was all in my head, that it couldn't possible be real.

I'm past thinking about the intro itself and have moved on to the decisions that lead to it's creation.

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106. Samurai Sentai Shinkenger - Mega Mana
https://youtu.be/GntVpE9K0XM

Unique: 1
Story: 1
Music: 3.75
Animation: N/A
Personal: 1.5
Average: 1.8125

On the one hand, this isnt the Power Rangers rip-off it might initially appear to be. To the contrary, Power Rangers was taken from the Super Sentai series (as I learned from looking into this one). On the other hand, this particular series was released in 2009 and is one of an absurdly large number of series with similar intros.

Theres also hardly any semblance of a story here. A group of kids dress up in colorful costumes and battle monsters with swords. Of course, they can operate robots that combine to form some giant samurai robot. And thats about it, without any hint of a character whos even got as much personality as a two-dimensional villain like Rita Repulsa.

The music isnt bad, but is extremely generic and forgettable. Although I was never a fan, at least I remember the catchy Power Rangers theme song, whereas I cant recall this song despite having literally listened to it less than a minute ago.

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Jesse_Custer posted...

106. Samurai Sentai Shinkenger - Mega Mana
https://youtu.be/GntVpE9K0XM

Unique: 1
Story: 1
Music: 3.75
Animation: N/A
Personal: 1.5
Average: 1.8125

On the one hand, this isnt the Power Rangers rip-off it might initially appear to be. To the contrary, Power Rangers was taken from the Super Sentai series (as I learned from looking into this one). On the other hand, this particular series was released in 2009 and is one of an absurdly large number of series with similar intros.

Theres also hardly any semblance of a story here. A group of kids dress up in colorful costumes and battle monsters with swords. Of course, they can operate robots that combine to form some giant samurai robot. And thats about it, without any hint of a character whos even got as much personality as a two-dimensional villain like Rita Repulsa.

The music isnt bad, but is extremely generic and forgettable. Although I was never a fan, at least I remember the catchy Power Rangers theme song, whereas I cant recall this song despite having literally listened to it less than a minute ago.

Booo.

I knew from the outset I wanted to nominate a Sentai/Rangers theme, and after carefully going through about 36 Sentai seasons and about 25 ranger seasons, I decided on... the one that still regularly gets stuck in my head the most ten years later.

I'm sad it's my first one out, but yeah, the visuals on this one are pretty meh. I definitely didn't really factor that in too much.

I'm glad I didn't go easy with MMPR, but I wish I nominated... I dunno. Gokaiger is my first instinct, and Go-Busters has really grown on me...

https://youtu.be/ny1W7RQhISU
https://youtu.be/4vA3Aykc2QQ

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105. X-Men Evolution - kateee
https://youtu.be/6faj24XtmP8

Unique: 0.5
Story: 1.25
Music: 2.75
Animation: 4.5
Personal: 1
Average: 2

I know this show has its fans, but its one of my least favorite superhero cartoons. But Ill stick to discussing the intro.

The animation isnt that bad, but often looks kind of goofy (pause the intro at 0:05 or 0:10 for a couple examples). Maybe its that I just dont like the character designs for most of these characters like goth Rogue, but I still think the animation is a bit below average for the time this series aired.

The theme song is generic and boring. I assume they were going for excitement, but it missed the mark and does nothing to establish the tone of the show.

The presentation is also nearly as generic as you can get, with each of the characters displayed in sitcom fashion with random clips, most of which tell you nothing meaningful about their personalities. The only characters who really stood out to me were Shadowcat (due to the dancing clip) and Nightcrawler acting like a clown.

I would have vastly preferred to see the intro to Wolverine and the X-Men get nominated instead of this one.

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Was this the one with X-23 or was that WatXM

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bryans7 posted...

Was this the one with X-23 or was that WatXM

That would be Evolution.

Edit: Actually I just looked it up and she apparently did also appear on WatXM.

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Mega Mana posted...

Gokaiger

...Were those Sky Pirate Rangers? That intro looked amazing.

Also, I'm surprised to learn X-23 was in Evolution. Somehow I always thought of her as a more modern character that wouldn't have been invented until after that show was cancelled, but apparently she debuted on it? Huh.
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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

...Were those Sky Pirate Rangers? That intro looked amazing.

Also, I'm surprised to learn X-23 was in Evolution. Somehow I always thought of her as a more modern character that wouldn't have been invented until after that show was cancelled, but apparently she debuted on it? Huh.

I believe she technically made her first appearance in a comic (NYX) shortly before her appearance in Evolution. So its not quite a Harley Quinn situation. Someone with more knowledge of Marvel Comics could probably say if thats right or not.

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104. Outlaw Star - Anagram
https://youtu.be/R0N3L-pcGdc

Unique: 0.75
Story: 0.5
Music: 3.25
Animation: 4
Personal: 1.5
Average: 2

This intro nearly put me to sleep. While the theme song is trying its best to make the sequence more exciting, many of the images are either still pictures or barely in motion (such as hair blowing in the wind). Worse still, most of the images are of dull moments like a character just lying in bed or staring off blankly. As if recognizing this issue, the intro periodically throws in a rapid cut to some dragon symbol, which would probably mean something if Id seen the show. But, if anything, the occasional rapid cuts only serve to call more attention to the overall slow pacing. And although there are a couple action sequences that are actually animated, theyre fairly tame moments involving a character just running away from danger.

As I mentioned, the music has an energetic tone, but that rarely matches up well with the visuals (aside from one brief portion which is nicely synchronized with a few characters appearing on screen at around 1:07 to 1:10). Also, the song is repetitive enough to get tedious over the span of a very long minute and a half.

If theres a meaningful story here, Im not seeing it. Theres plenty of characters who I have no way of knowing anything about without having seen the show. All I really got from it is the hero runs around and shoots at things.

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Well, Wikipedia said she was created for the show... but since I barely watched any of the episodes and never read an actual X-Men comic, I have no personal frame of reference.

(No judgments on the show quality there; I was just a really big fan of Beast Wars and hearing the exact same voices coming from the X-Men characters felt strangely off-putting for some reason.)
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These rankings so far belie the real truth - an effective earworm does not a good song make

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Raetsel_Lapin posted...

...Were those Sky Pirate Rangers? That intro looked amazing.

Yep! Space Pirates actually, coming to Earth to seek out the ultimate treasure! One of my favorite seasons of television ever. All the characters have defined personalities and great character episodes, the choreography and suits are spectacular, and their big gimmick of the season is being able to transform into the 34 seasons of past rangers. That's right, they can transform into any suited rangers from the past three-and-a-half decades (and further since they continually show up past their season from about a decade ago). It's a MASSIVE anniversary season so past actors show up every other episode to teach these pirates what it means to be heroes and what their team stood for, and it works quite well.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RtEKpUW6Ny4


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Yeah she was created for Evolution, but it didn't take long for them to put her in the comics. It's Wolverine but a girl, not a hard sell.

Kinda weird that their first thought of how to introduce her into the comics was 'let's make her a teen prostitute', though.

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bryans7 posted...

Yeah she was created for Evolution, but it didn't take long for them to put her in the comics. It's Wolverine but a girl, not a hard sell.

Kinda weird that their first thought of how to introduce her into the comics was 'let's make her a teen prostitute', though.

Wasn't this around the time of MAX series coming out like Alias and Punisher MAX. Maybe their original intention was to have a mature audience book but then had to switch gears (maybe because of Evolution?). I can see them wanting a full carnage MA-rated Wolverine story without censorship of bloody claw action.

I'll see if there's anything about it.

Edit: from wikipedia - "In 2001 writer Brian Wood developed a concept of the series for Marvel with artist David Choe that was to launch Marvel's MAX imprint."

I expected to have track down Brian Cronin's mailbag answers, but I guess that was easy.

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103. Megas XLR - Pirateking2000
https://youtu.be/koesW3xMKtY

Unique: 3.25
Story: 1.25
Music: 1.25
Animation: 3.75
Personal: 1
Average: 2.1

So I get what they were going for here with a parody of mecha anime. The intro is intentionally over the top and never takes itself seriously. But that isnt making me like it.

Lets start with the animation, which looks blurry near the start. At first I thought it was just a low quality video, but then the picture cleared up once the main character stopped revving his engine. This makes for one of the more unique portions of the intro, but its also a jarring effect that put me off before the sequence even got started. Then theres the inconsistent quality of the artwork, where some of the characters and monsters look amateurish.

The theme song is much worse, with nasal vocals that sound like a Weird Al Yankovic impersonator, and mindless lyrics like this verse:

You dig giant robots!
I dig giant robots!
We dig giant robots!
Chicks dig giant robots!

I dont know, maybe Im not the target audience so I dont dig the humor, but its about as subtle as a Michael Bay movie. The one thing Ill give the music is it was well-timed with some of the action, but I found it too grating to score any higher.

Theres at least some novelty to the sequence through the use of framing with borders to emphasize the focus at certain moments. And the intro has a distinctive visual style despite being a genre parody. But its still just a series of clips, without anything particularly interesting going on. So I couldnt bring myself to score it any higher on the Unique factor.

Finally, theres hardly any serious attempt to tell a story here. Some guys got a giant robot that can turn into a car (that concept sounds vaguely familiar). Theres some glimpses of the characters personalities like Coop treating everything like a video game, but the characterization is shallow.

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102. The Magic School Bus - Xeybozn
https://youtu.be/egmmYxXhScQ

Unique: 1
Story: 1
Music: 2.75
Animation: 4.5
Personal: 1.25
Average: 2.1

I remember reading these books when I was young and I probably even watched the show. But I dont remember it being this disgusting. Did we really need the song lyric take a left at your intestine, or to see that kid sneeze out the bus?

This is a highly generic intro where the story is just letting you know the premise of the show, which you could pretty much figure out anyway from the title. Its a school bus that does magic things and goes on zany adventures. The only character in the intro with some personality is the kid with the glasses praying for a normal school trip, who seems traumatized by one too many trips through someones intestines. And really, can you blame him?

The animation gets the job done, but is hardly impressive. And as for the theme song, the melody is forgettable, and I didnt care for the vocalist attempting to sound soulful while singing about a magic school bus.

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Jesse_Custer posted...

102. The Magic School Bus - Xeybozn
https://youtu.be/egmmYxXhScQ

Unique: 1
Story: 1
Music: 2.75
Animation: 4.5
Personal: 1.25
Average: 2.1

I remember reading these books when I was young and I probably even watched the show. But I dont remember it being this disgusting. Did we really need the song lyric take a left at your intestine, or to see that kid sneeze out the bus?

This is a highly generic intro where the story is just letting you know the premise of the show, which you could pretty much figure out anyway from the title. Its a school bus that does magic things and goes on zany adventures. The only character in the intro with some personality is the kid with the glasses praying for a normal school trip, who seems traumatized by one too many trips through someones intestines. And really, can you blame him?

The animation gets the job done, but is hardly impressive. And as for the theme song, the melody is forgettable, and I didnt care for the vocalist attempting to sound soulful while singing about a magic school bus.

Disrespecting Little Richard? Sir?

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Maybe I'm glad I didn't nominate for this one.

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Zigzagoon posted...

Maybe I'm glad I didn't nominate for this one.

Make your own! I can nominate Gokaiger! =D

Very much enjoying the list. There are a lot of quality songs, and I'm just playfully ribbing (hopefully it comes across).

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Mega Mana posted...

Disrespecting Little Richard? Sir?

I read it as saying the vocalist was a bad choice for the song, not that he did a bad job. Presumably the intro would have scored better with a more boring singer.
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Xeybozn posted...

I read it as saying the vocalist was a bad choice for the song, not that he did a bad job. Presumably the intro would have scored better with a more boring singer.

Yeah, I wasnt intending to criticize the singer (who I did not realize was Little Richard!). The vocals were fine, I just didnt care much for the song itself. I wouldnt even say it was wrong for this type of show. My comment was just because I found it amusing to hear soulful singing about a magical school bus going through your intestines and stuff like that. In hindsight, perhaps I was a bit harsh on the music score for this one given that I cant point to anything objectively wrong with it.

Zigzagoon posted...

Maybe I'm glad I didn't nominate for this one.

Was it the Magic School Bus ranking?

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One of the lyrics in The Magic School Bus always sounded like "so strap your ballsack to the seat" to me

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Jesse_Custer posted...

Some guys got a giant robot that can turn into a car (that concept sounds vaguely familiar)..

Oh no no. He literally put his car on top of a giant future super mecha he got at the dump for two dollars and somehow integrates it to operate it from there.

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Yeah, Magic School Bus is a CLASSIC

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Wait a second... I know why these are so low! It's not that the songs are bad... it's that he doesn't want to get baked into a pie!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG-B2aJTmwY

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Mega Mana posted...

Wait a second... I know why these are so low! It's not that the songs are bad... it's that he doesn't want to get baked into a pie!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rG-B2aJTmwY

Ok, this made me laugh. Id never seen this before, it reminded me of some of the ridiculous death traps from the 60s Batman show.

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101. Monster by Mistake - Great_Paul
https://youtu.be/27SS8Pnmrok

Unique: 2.75
Story: 1.25
Music: 0.75
Animation: 0.5
Personal: 5.25
Average: 2.1

Before anyone wonders how an intro like this isnt ranked lower, let me explain that, yes, I am aware its objectively worse than several of the intros that have already been eliminated. But it also gave me one of the best laughs Ive had in awhile (starting right about the moment that purple troll creature appears). Things dont always have to be good for you to enjoy them. Of course, the rest of my scoring factors dont have a sense of humor.

So yeah, the CGI is pretty bad. I think that goes without saying. Then theres the theme song. Children are not good singers, with few exceptions. Im not actually sure if this vocalist is a child or someone doing a good job of sounding like a child, but it didnt make for good singing. And the melody that sounds like something written by a child isnt doing much to salvage the song. But at least for me, it added to the humor value, especially when the monster and the ghost started playing horns.

Theres some story here, but its mostly just giving us the premise of this very odd show. We learn theres a kid who turns into a monster when he sneezes, and whos got a ghost living in his attic. Its basically The Addams Family as a kids cartoon. The only personality that really comes across is the monster kids amusement at chasing that terrified guy up the stairs. But hey, its something.

This intro doesnt score as badly on the Unique factor. Say what you will about it, but the intro does have a distinctive visual look compared to most other childrens cartoons. But its still a conventional presentation of a series of clips from the show.

So this is as high as this memorable intro can go. But it had a good run!

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oh man that just brought back some repressed childhood memories

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I'm glad that all my noms made it to the Top 100.

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My attempt at last place didnt work very well it seems.

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As I move into the top 100, what do you guys think of the topic so far? Has this been a good number of write-ups to post per day or should I aim for more? Am I being too harsh with my scoring/write-ups? Let me know your thoughts.

100. Sailor Moon - Anagram
https://youtu.be/5txHGxJRwtQ

Unique: 1.5
Story: 1.5
Music: 2.5
Animation: 4.5
Personal: 1
Average: 2.2

Like plenty of other cartoon intros, this was mostly a series of clips. One sequence I actually did find somewhat imaginative and interesting was when you see that character with the mask, whose cape seems to become transparent, followed by all the masks filling the screen. Im not going to pretend to understand it, but it was the one bit of novelty that stood out to me in this intro.

The story mostly comes across as a typical battle between good and evil, without any clue distinguishes the personalities of each of the Sailors. But there was perhaps a hint of characterization in the way the main character examines her reflection in the glass, and turns away to have her reflection do its own thing.

The theme song is performed in an almost lazy manner by a singer who sounded like she didnt want to be bothered. The melody was kind of catchy, but its not a song Id care to have running through my head repeatedly.

Finally, the animation was oddly inconsistent. Some parts actually looked pretty good, such as the dance-like motions of Sailor Moon near the end of the intro. But other parts were mediocre like the woman transforming into a monster (starting at around 0:20). It strikes me as if they felt they had to pad the intro with extra clips here and there, and didnt necessarily care what they selected.

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Oh this is the first time I see the English version of the opening. It sure can use some better planning/storyboarding. And yeah, it's really weird how...lethargic the singer sounds in this version. I do kinda like the Sailor roll call though if only to introduce and advertise the characters for new watchers.

I really like the write-ups so far, I think they're the right length and depth (that's what she said hurr hurr). But yeah, I wouldn't mind a few more per day, especially since we're still near the beginning of the list and people might not be as passionate about these yet.

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Yeah I haven't commented much because well I don't even disagree with anything you're saying but this has been fun

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Eddv posted...

Yeah I haven't commented much because well I don't even disagree with anything you're saying but this has been fun

I concur

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Thanks for the feedback, guys.

99. MegaMan - WhiteLens
https://youtu.be/3ufVQIUEiYc

Unique: 0.75
Story: 0.75
Music: 0.5
Animation: 5.25
Personal: 4
Average: 2.25

Is this the most repetitive theme song of all time? Surely they could have come up with some lyrics beyond super fighting robot, Mega Man? Perhaps toss in a he's the Blue Bomber or something?

The intro is very derivative, with hardly any sense of story. Its about a super fighting robot named Mega Man (as you might have guessed from the song), who battles other robots, with a bunch of random action clips. Theres some hint of how Mega Man acquires the power of a defeated Robot Master and uses it on another opponent (as if anyone watching this show wouldnt already know that), but thats not much of a story. We dont see any hints that any of these battles actually mean anything to Mega Man (in contrast to the way the same character has been handled in some of his comic appearances).

That being said, the animation looks good, with a decent amount of detail on the characters. And because its about Mega Man, I couldnt bring myself to really dislike it, even if the theme song drove me crazy.

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Definitely enjoying the length and detail of your writeups so far. I wouldn't mind seeing more daily but really take it at your own pace.


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