Current Events > Experimental CYOA: You might be trapped in a simulation

(+) Yeah! (+)

Take a seat next to the hooded figure and ask them to buy you one alcohol.

You try to walk over smoothly to the seat next to the hooded figure.

Immediately, they stop looking at you and face forward, admiring the bottles laid out on the shelves.

You lean forward while pointing at them. "I think this kind fellow over here can vouch a drink for me."

They pull their hood to cover their face more. "I, uh, think not," they say with a raspy voice.

"Nonsense! C'mon, you were looking at me for a reason weren't you?" you say, nudging their elbow.

They sip on their drink while keeping their head low. "I'm not obligated to tell you that reason."

The bartender starts cleaning out a glass. "Well, I can't serve you without an ID, dear patron. Still, feel free to interact with the other patrons. Just don't go causing trouble."

Slump over onto the bar counter

Well, so much for booze. You smash your head into the counter.

The hooded figure is taken aback and peeks out to you briefly. "Are you, uh, okay?"

You press your head further into the counter. "I'm trying to enjoy my lack of sadness."

They take another sip and sigh. "Fine. You got me." They call out to the bartender. "Hey chief! Slide a shot down to this guy for me."

He inspects the glass he was cleaning. "Is he over 3?"

They shrug. "Yeah, sure, why not."

He sets down the glass. "Alright, coming right up!"

14 shots later...

Mourn Brad.

You slam your head into the counter again. "Brad, you son of a bitch! You owed me 300 bucks!" You shake your hooded acquaintance around. "And you just went and fucking died!"

They don't say anything.

You can faintly hear snoring coming from them. Huh. Looks like they somehow dozed off. You let go and they slam their head into the counter.

You look around the bar and realize it seems to have gotten late, considering how there's only a few people left. You're not sure if this hooded person's gonna be okay sleeping here. Plus, they did give you a free drink. Brad never did that for you.

You also notice a floating panel above their head after looking at them closer: [ Inspect Player ]

What do you do?
---

Inspect Player: Go through his pockets and steal whatever looks interesting. Immediately forget about him as soon as you waddle out the pub. That's what he gets for trusting a guy that doesn't wear pants!
---

Once you leave, go to the equipment shop and drunkenly barter with the salesman for some pants
---

Inspect Player, Go through his pockets and steal whatever looks interesting

You focus in on the prompt, expanding the HUD panel.

[ Player: edgemasterX
Lv. 3 Edge User
Mainhand: Shitty Dagger
Offhand: Smaller Shitty Dagger
Gear: Shitty Hooded Garments
Wings: Shitty Nothingness ]

Well, just from looking at this, they don't look very loaded. Still, worth a shot to check for anything else.
You think about stealing from him, which makes a prompt appear above them: [ Pickpocket ]
You focus in on it and it turns into a loading bar.

2 minutes pass. Luckily they're asleep, and no one around you seems to care. Man, your pickpocketing sucks.

[ Inventory: Twig x1 ]
Icas: 8 ]

"Not very loaded" is an understatement. Still, you have this chance right now. Might as well take something. Best to keep your inventory in mind.

What shall you take?
---

Also here's the current queue so far:
- [ What shall you take? ]
-Rest at the Inn
-Check out Shops (Drunken barter at the Equipment Shop for pants)
---

Briefly wonder why he's carrying a goddamned twig of all things.
Realize you're too drunk to care.
Take "only" 7 Icas out of pity.
---

^yeah, leave him an icas for luck
---

Break his twig tho.
---

Briefly wonder why he's carrying a goddamned twig of all things.

Hm. Why IS he carrying a goddamned twig of all things?

Realize you're too drunk to care.

Yeah, you're not sober enough for this shit.

Take "only" 7 Icas out of pity.

[ 7 Icas get! ]
You may be a dick, but you're a dick with morals. It's only fair to leave them with something.

Break his twig tho.

You know what, you're too drunk to not care. That twig is bothering you too much. You take it from them and snap it in half. A spark lights up from the broken edges of the twig for a brief moment, then it fizzles. Now this, you're definitely not sober enough for. You put it back.

[ Inventory: Broken twig x2
Icas: 1 ]

You stretch out and pat yourself on the back as your job here is done, and walk out of the bar, stumbling a bit from your drunken stupor.

Rest at the Inn

You walk one door over into the same building. This must look stupid to an outsider; not that you care.

An old lady stands behind the counter, presumably the innkeeper. She glances at your lower regions, then to your face with a smile. "Must've been a rough night, huh? I ain't one to judge."

You hic.

She smirks. "Well, you got two options for stayin the night here: 10 Icas for a shared room, and 40 Icas for a private room. What'll it be, dear guest?"

(You have 107 Icas)
---

10 Icas for shared room. We ain't made o' cash! (Plus it's probably funnier this way.)
---

Tip her an extra 10 Icas to try and get a decent roomie
---

Tip a further 10 to try and get her to be your roomie
---

And yet another 10 just because she's a good scammer.

So that you end up paying 40 anyway, but get the shared room
---

Y'all are geniuses lol. Our hero has skewed priorities on top of being an asshole. This is gonna be a fun CYOA.
---

(I laughed really hard at these inputs, thank you lmao)

>10 Icas for shared room

"I'll just take the shared room," you say while pulling up your HUD.
A HUD panel appears between you and the innkeeper: [ 97 (-10) Icas ]

She smiles. "Thank you dear guest! Your room will be--"

>Tip her an extra 10 Icas to try and get a decent roomie

[ 87 (-20) Icas ]

You lean forward on the counter while giving a drunken shit-eating grin. "Consider this an incentive to give me a good roommate."

She's taken aback by your unexpected action, but she laughs it off. "Haha, alrighty then." She points over to the hallway to your right. "I guess I can give you this room over--"

>Tip a further 10 to try and get her to be your roomie

[ 77 (-30) Icas ]

You lean even further forward, almost invading her personal bubble. Looking at her closer, she doesn't look a day over 50. Totally within your strike zone. "I changed my mind, I want YOU as my roommate."

She falls on her butt in surprise while blushing. "Dearie me...that's the first time someone's ever said that to me--"

>And yet another 10 just because she's a good scammer.

You slam your hands on the counter, making her jump slightly. "You know Dorothy, you drive a hard bargain. Have another tip."

[ 67 (-40) Icas ]

She covers her face with her hands. "It's, uh, Vivian, not Dorothy. Dearie me...what a generous offer!" She stands back up and grabs hold of your hands. "I'll gladly take it!" she says as she whisks you away into the room directly behind her. "Harold, take over the inn for me tonight!" she shouts out to a door to your left.

It opens up with the bartender peeking out. "How do you expect me to be in two places at--"

She throws you in the room and runs in, slamming the door shut.

The bartender massages his temples and quickly accepts his fate as he walks over behind the counter of the inn. Conveniently, two unknown figures walk in through the front door.

You can't see much in this room since the lights are off, but you do feel the comfort of a soft bed on your back.

Vivian's footsteps sound out lightly. "Just rest easy, okay? I'll be right with you."

You feel fatigue take over you. Within seconds, your eyelids are sealed shut.

...

You hear the sound of metallic scraping as your eyes slowly open up. Small rays of sunlight peek in through the window. You're not sure if you're still drunk because you see Vivian facing away from you, sharpening something.

She turns around, revealing a very distorted and pixelated face. "Ah...It's been so long since I've felt a lustful gaze on me..." she says with a radio-like voice as she turns around with a knife pointed at you.

You immediately jolt to your senses and try to move, but find that your arms are tied to the bedpost.

She walks closer and closer to you. "Lo--ov-ve mmmmmmmmm--" her remarks are too incoherent for you to understand.

Not only that, the room next door seems to be having a wild time as well with the walls pounding sporadically.

You might be fucked.

What do you do?
---

Only my arms are tied?

Try to kick her away to buy some time while pulling at my restraints with the Herculean might/desperation that comes from being close to death.
---

You might be f***ed.

On that note, briefly ponder whether y'all fucked in your drunken stupor.
---

Once you're free, knock her out and check her inventory
---

>Try to kick her away to buy some time while pulling at your restraints with the Herculean might/desperation that comes from being close to death.

The moment she gets close enough to be in kicking range, you launch your foot against her stomach, sending her flying against the wall.

You use this oppportunity to struggle out of the ropes. It's time to unleash your special move...

NEAR DEATH ADRENALINE RUSH HYPERDRIVE!!!

...You hurt your wrists a little in your unsuccessful attempt to free yourself. Now you're REALLY fucked.

She quickly springs back up and looks back at you while giggling maniacally. "My my! Such vigor you have in bed!" She twirls the knife around in her hand. "We're going to have so much fun..." she says while bring her knife towards your leg.

A prompt appears showing a right arrow. You focus on it, jolting your leg to move to the right and dodging the knife by mere inches.

She laughs in a witchlike manner.

>Briefly ponder whether y'all fucked in your drunken stupor.

You clatter your teeth. "Hold up! Before you kill me, at least tell me this: did we, uh, fuck?"

She stabs her knife into the portion of the bed just between your thighs, then covers her now normal face with her hands. "D-dearie me, we did not! I wouldn't dare do anything to a sleeping--"

All of a sudden, a chunk of the wall from next door comes blasting out and flattens her. Laying atop the wall chunk is a very familiar hooded figure.

They get up and dust off themselves. "Oh. That sounds expensive." They then brandish their daggers and dash back into the other room.

You take the knife between your thighs in hopes that you could bring it to your hands, but you can't maneuver it very well. However, a thought pops up in your mind--taking it into your inventory.

It pixelizes and gets absorbed into you.

[ Lovely Knife get! ]

However, upon trying to get it to your hands...

[ Lovely Knife is incompatible with Smash User. ]

You're 3x combo fucked.

Unexpectedly, the knife disappears from your inventory, then reappears just a foot above the rope of your right hand. It falls and severs the rope smoothly.

You stretch out your hand with confused glee, then work towards untying your other hand.

The other room continues to sound out with metallic clanging and pounding walls, with the huge hole showing glimpses of the hooded figure jumping around.

You get the rope undone and jump out of the bed to express your freedom, only for you to lay back down again for a moment because of your hangover.

Check her inventory

Well, you'd be glad to pilfer her, except the only thing you can see left of her is her hand jutting out slightly under this chunk of wall.

You peek back again at the hole, now with a clearer view. There, you can see the hooded figure clashing blades against two roughly-dresssed ruffians. Fantastic morning.

What do you do?
---

Vent your frustration with this near-death experience upon the nearest ruffian's skull.
---

Vent your frustration with this near-death experience upon the nearest ruffian's skull.

You slap yourself out of your hangover and materialize your Pipe in your hand as you walk into the other room.

Everyone looks at you and stops with a figurative record scratch as you step in.

The hooded figure pushes the ruffians away and runs up to you. "What in blazes are you doing?!--"

You shove them aside and drag your pipe on the floor as you walk towards one of the ruffians with a beard. The unpleasantness of the metallic screeching causes them to cover their ears. You step right in front of the ruffian and grab him by the beard. "Alright, listen here you prehistoric dried-up toothbrush. I was just about to die a heroic and horny death, and you have the audacity to cuck me from the grim reaper?!"

The ruffian is at a loss for words. His partner is just as frozen.

You yank his beard closer to you. "I'm going to chop off this crusty dollar-store lawn you call a beard, weave it into the whip they beat Jesus with, and shove it down your skinny little esophagus." You pull him even closer to the point where your brows are touching. "You better believe you'll regret being born."

The frightened ruffian grimaces from your alcoholic breath. "I--"

"OVERRULLED." You bat his head away with your pipe before you let him speak.

The other ruffian's eyes figuratively pop out in fear. He then shakily points his sword at you. "Hey m-man, back off--"

His face freezes and he falls over, revealing a familiar looking knife on his back. A bruised but otherwise okay Vivian pulls it out and looks at you while panting through a very uneasing smile. "We're not done yet, dear guest..."

You're quadrafucked. You wonder how high you can get your fucked combo meter.

The hooded figure walks up to your side. "Uh, is that you Ms. Innkeeper?" they say with confusion.

She freezes up, then hides the knife behind her. "Oh, uh, dearie me, are you enjoying your stay?"

You got an opening, probably. What do you do?
---

The ruffians are scared shitless. Finish off the psychotic innkeeper!

Okay but next one I'll leave to someone else, I was just getting really into this.
---

Pull a Dead rising and go to the bathroom and take a shit to save your progress
---

But the order is: take a shit and then use the distraction to finish off the inkeeper
---

Take a shit to save your progress

"Excuse me for one moment," you say while fucking off over out the door, down the hallway, and into the restroom, where you unveil your pants--wait that's not necessary. Underpants, however, are gone as of this moment.

You jump into the stall and feel the Shitover coming on. That's the term you've coined for the post-hangover shits.

Upon taking your position, you launch a tactical nuke dookie.

Unexpectedly, a ghastly voice rings out from the toilet. "Your offering is well accepted, mortal...I shall grant you a safe return in this moment in time."

You jump up and look at the possible monstrosity in the toilet, only to see that there's nothing there--not even your territory markings, and you didn't even flush.

Strange, but you roll with it. Speaking of rolls, you're out of toilet paper. Oh boy. You peek your head outside the stall and see Yesterday's Newspaper crumpled up under the sink. Out of the corner of your eye, you see a pair of Disco Pants hung atop the stall wall next to you.

How do you proceed?

(And yes im well aware we've derailed this adventure to the extreme, so i'm rolling with it)
---

Clean yourself with the newspaper

Equip the Disco pants and see what (if any) buffs they give you
---

Check the remaining pages of newspaper to see if you can find any useful info or leads
---

>Clean yourself with the newspaper and check the remaining pages to see if you can find any useful info or leads

You quickly run out of the stall hoping no one would see you in your naked glory, snatch up the newspaper, then retreat back into the stall.

You take a glance at what kind of news there is.

Dragon Runs Loose Killing Everything, And Your Town Is Probably Next
...New Beauty Tips!! Continued on page--

Yeah, whatever's going on, its worthy enough to substitute for toilet paper.

You stand up triumphantly with the sound of a flushing toilet behind you and the sight of your underwear back on you.

>Equip the Disco pants and see what (if any) buffs they give you.

It's against your name and creed, but these ARE disco pants you're looking at here. You yank them off the stall wall and put them on.

[ Disco Pants acquired. Equipped to GEAR ]
[ /!\ Memory Full ]
[ Affinity changed from Smash User to Disco Beater! ]

You notice that the Pantsless debuff is now gone from your HUD. As if it was ever a debuff. You also start hearing the very faint but slightly audible trace of disco music somewhere. Even as you walk out into the hallway, it doesn't change volume.

However, you definitely recognize the tune from none other than Michael Jackson.

Upon noticing this, a new meter appears next to your HP and SP.
[ FUNK LEVEL: 1% ]

You blink a few times, but then shrug it off and continue walking back.

You return in the exact spot you were standing on before you excused yourself, with Vivian and the hooded figure waiting patiently for you. "Alright, what'd I miss?" you say while materializing your Pipe.

Vivian grins at you. "Welcome back--"

>Finish off the psychotic innkeeper

You clobber her face off, knocking her down. "Overruled. Consider this my last tip, Doreen," you say as you lay down one final overhead swing into her skull.

Simu-scuffle(??): Overzealous Innkeeper Vivian, WIN!
[ Affinity up! Lv.1 -> Lv. 2 Disco Beater ]
[ Level up bonus: Inventory expanded! (STACK: +2 memory slots) ]
[ 40 Icas get! ]
[ Lovely Knife acquired. ]

That was a lot of HUD panels that just flashed before your eyes. You shake your hand to swat it all away like flies, then start heading out the door.

The bartender--still at the counter--sees you off. "Hope you enjoyed your stay! Definitely can't blame you if you didn't!"

You flip him off. You swear you're not usually this cranky, but you just had a hangover AND a shitover.

You're on your way to the Equipment Shop, when you feel a tap on your shoulder. You look behind you to see the hooded figure yet again, panting as though they were running to catch up to you.

They exhale and stand up firmly. "Hey, you're a Player too, aintcha? Listen, you and me, we need Wings, yeah? I know just the place to get 'em, but I can't do it alone. What do you say, wanna team up?"

What do you say?
---

Inspect him

ie try to Sherlock him
---

Sherlock them

You sense something off about them. Maybe you'll try your hand at inspecting their words.
Suddenly, the surroundings between you two darken, as though it's only the two of you here.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=0kGn8Lilmm0" data-time="

- SIMU-SHERLOCKING BEGIN -

A: Hey, you're a Player too, aintcha?
B: Listen, you and me, we need Wings, yeah?
C: I know just the place to get 'em, but I can't do it alone.
D: What do you say, wanna team up?

You note the statements they say. From here, you can Press Further or Object one of them.
(Format is Press/Object [Letter])
---

My first instinct is to just Press everything so uh.

Press ABCD.
---

Tag
---

>Press A

"Hey, you're a Player too, aintcha?"

"How'd you figure that?" you say.

They point above their head. "Well, I can see a prompt on ya' saying [ Inspect Player ]."

"Wait," you say while looking at the Green Vortex in the distance. "Just so we're on the same page, you're talking about this Icarus game or whatever yeah?"

They nod. "Don't know how I got here, but I've been [A1]told to fly out of here, so here I am."

>Press B

"Listen, you and me, we need Wings, yeah?"

"Do we really need Wings?" you say.

They shrug. "[B1]I don't know any other options here."

>Press C

"I know just the place to get 'em, but I can't do it alone."

"What place are we talking about, exactly?" you ask.

They pull their hood to cover their face more. "I ain't tellin' just anyone. Not unless you're willin' to join me."

>Press D

"What do you say, wanna team up?"

You cross your arms. "Why can't you do it alone, again?"

They point at themselves. "[D1]You've inspected me, haven't you? I got nothin'! I'll get killed out there."

---

You've heard what they have to say. Any statements worth objecting?
---

I assume the [Letter1]s are additional statements. My Ace Attorney OCD will not be satisfied until we Press A1, B1, D1.
---

Oh, and add this to the queue for the remainder of the sequence:

Dab while Pressing/Objecting, instead of the usual dramatic finger point.
---

>Press A1 (and dab)

"I've been told to fly out of here--"

You raise an eyebrow, also you dab. "Told? By who?"

They turn away. "I'm not obligated to tell you that."

>Press B1 (and dab)

"I don't know any other options here."

You dab, then cross your arms. "Are you sure? Surely we can just catapult ourselves to the vortex or something, can't we?"

They look at the vortex, then back at you. "Brilliant idea! We can totally launch ourselves several miles into the air using simple doohickeys!"

"Wait, can we actually--"

They facepalm. "It's sarcasm, you sack of potatoes."

>Press D1 (and dab)

"You've inspected me, haven't you?"

You raise another eyebrow, along with another dab. "I did?"

They look away. "Does it matter? It doesn't take a genius to know I look dirt-poor at a glance." They turn back at you and stomp their foot. "Also, what in blazes are you doing with your arms?! It looks incredibly stupid!"

---

Doesn't seem like you can Press anything else. Now would be a good time to Object a statement.
---

Object (this time while planking) to

I'm not obligated to tell you that.

---

>Object (this time while planking) to "I'm not obligated to tell you that."

"OBJECTION!" you shout while getting on the ground and flattening your posture into a plank. "You won't tell me who told you about this game? That sounds incredibly fishy to me!"

They facepalm. "Get up, you dork. I'm simply exercisin' personal privacy. I don't have to tell a stranger everythin'."

You feel painfully embarassed from objecting that.
HP: [ 90% ]

You can definitely feel like they said something that shouldn't be known, given the circumstances.
---

Object (still while planking) D1.
---

>Object D1 (while still planking)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dwoi6-8UFQI" data-time="

"OBJECTION!!" you shout again, still holding your plank and really giving your nonexistent abs some needed workout.

They cover their ears. "Jeez, can ya be any louder?"

"I recall you mentioning that I inspected you?"

They look away. "What about it?"

"That's real funny, cuz I only inspected you while you were asleep!" you scream, still barely holding on to your planking position.

They're blown away by the power of your objection. "I...uh...a-anyone could assume that Players would inspect other Players!"

"NOT SO FAST," you say with gritted teeth as you struggle keeping up your plank, "You're definitely sure that I inspected you because of one key thing...you inspected me too! And to go even further, you tried to pickpocket me!"

You're bullshitting at this point, banking on the chance that they'll confirm it.

A bead of sweat drops from the obscurity of their hood. They then take off their hood to finally reveal...the face of a young girl? "It's only fair!" they say with a less raspy but very angry voice while stomping their foot. "You pickpocketted me first! I was too drunk and tired to stop you!"

The environment around you returns to the virbant colors of the town.

[ SIMU-SHERLOCK SUCCESSFUL! ]
[ Affinity changed from Disco Beater to Disco Psychic! ]
[ New skill learned: Analyze! (Description: Inspect Players from afar and more thoroughly) ]

The unhooded figure falls on their butt. "Good job, you found out I was tryna get my stuff back. You happy?" They stand back up. "I'm not lying about anything I said, though. I really do need help. Gettin Wings alone is gonna be damn near impossible with this kinda start. Whaddya say?"
---

Agree to help because it's as good an advancement of the plot as any. Also because wings sound hella rad.
---

T-pose to assert your dominance while doing that ^
---

^
---

>Advance the plot

You shrug. "Alright, sure."

Her face brightens up with a smile. "You will?!"

You get right in her face with a menacing glare. "Let's just make one thing clear here..."

>T-pose to assert your dominance

You spread out your arms in a T-pose, asserting your utmost dominance. "It's not me coming with you, it's YOU coming with me, got it Tina?"

They back off in confusion. "Uh, it ain't Tina, it's Evi--"

You immediately close the distance between you, still upholding the sanctity of the T-pose. "Overrulled. C'mon Emily, we're burning daylight and I still have a shop to do bullshit in."

With that, you turn around and march towards the Equipment shop once again, still keeping up the T-pose.

Evi sighs and puts her hood back on as she follows you.

>Check out and barter at the shop

The door chimes ring out as you and Evi enter the Equipment Shop. You'd love to have gone here while you were drunk, but guess you'll have to roll with it sober.

The shopkeeper finishes polishing up a sword, then she looks at you with glee. "Greetings, adventurers! What can I get for you today?"

[ EQUIPMENT SHOP:
Supreme Sword of Light (Edge) - 12,000 Icas
Holy Hammer of Heaven (Smash) - 15,000 Icas
Dark Staff of D'hanthul (Cast) - 13,000 Icas
Vibrant Railgun of Justice (Blast) - 14,000 Icas
Cursed Sword of Ba'al (Edge/Cast) - 99,999 Icas ]

Your jaw drops. "Hey lady, do you think adventurers are made of Icas or some shit? Who the hell can afford these?!"

She keeps her business smile on while beginning to polish another sword. "I'm aware of our prices, which is why recently, I've included some weapons for the lower end of our demographic!"

[ SECRET EQUIPMENT SHOP:
Stick (Cast) - 2 Icas
Knife I Stole From Initium's Innkeeper (Edge) - 5 Icas
Broken-off Table Leg (Smash) - 4 Icas
Rubber Band (Blast) - 3 Icas ]

Evi looks at the shopkeeper in disbelief. "I can't believe that I ain't able to afford any of this."

What shall you get/barter for?
---

Go outside

Find a stick

Sell it to the shopkeeper

Repeat until all the sticks in the vicinity have been sold
---

Challenge the shopkeeper to a duel, with the Holy Hammer as the prize.
---

>Sell sticks

"Excuse me for a moment," you say while stepping outside.

Evi follows along. "What are we doin' now?"

You spot a stick lying on the grass and take it.

[ Stick acquired! ]
[ /!\ Low Memory ]

You just realized that your inventory isn't as cramped anymore. Looking around, you see a couple more stray Sticks.

Evi stares at you in confusion. "Seriously, what in blazes is--"

You pick up another stick. "We're trying to get richer here, Ivory. Try to keep up."

[ Stick acquired! ]
[ /!\ Memory Full ]

She facepalms. "We ain't seriously goin' to be doin' this all day, are we? We got Wings to find!"

Another stick catches your eye, but you'd rather not blow a hole through something. "Sounds to me like you should hand me the stick that's up your ass so I can sell it."

[ Stick acquired! ]
[ /!\ Memory Full ]

You head back into the shop.

The shopkeeper greets you. "Welcome back! What can I--"

You slam the Stick x2 on the counter. "I'm selling these."

She pauses for a moment, then takes them. "Alright, well each one's worth 1 Ica, so here's 2 Icas."

[ 2 Icas get! ]
[ Your Icas: 109 ]
[ Evi's Icas: 1 ]

Oh boy. You realize just how tedious this is gonna be selling 2 sticks at a time. You walk over to Evi. "Amy. How much inventory space you got?"

She interacts with her HUD, though you can't see her panels. "Well, I got about 100 MB left."

You raise an eyebrow. "MB? Do you mean you can hold 100 things or something?"

She looks at you with equal confusion. "What? No. Look, my inventory mode is set to 'ALLOCATE', which means that I store thin's based on their Byte size." She materializes her Shitty Dagger. "Like, see this here knife? Only worth 50 MB. Do you got a different inventory or somethin'?"

You now see the significance of seeing the word 'STACK' regarding your inventory. "Fuck. I got the shitty one then." You start walking towards the door. Alright Annie, listen up. I'm leaving it to you to hold all our sticks. Each one probably won't take up much space," you say while walking out.

She sighs. "This is the partner I'm stuck with."

The two of you spend about an hour collecting sticks and selling them. You enter one more time for the last batch of sticks you could find, panting in exhaustion. "Alright...lady...I'm selling these too."

She takes a look at your Stick x8. "Hmm, well you know the drill. Here's 8 Icas."

[ 8 Icas get! ]
[ Your Icas: 196 ]
[ Evi's Icas: 1 ]

Evi stomps her foot. "Hey wait just a flippin' minute 'ere! Why are you hoggin' all the Icas?! I helped out too!"

You glare at her. "Riley. I don't know how to break it to you, but if we did that we'd have to pool our Icas anyway to buy shit anywhere. Let me handle the money."

She pouts. "Fair 'nuff. Still, I expect something at least. You already robbed me!"

>Challenge the shopkeeper to a duel, with the Holy Hammer as the prize.

You start laughing with annoying confidence. "Alright Lady, I got a proposition for you! If I beat you in a fight, you hand over that Holy Hammer of Heaven, yeah? What do you say?"

She laughs. "No can do, adventurer. I need profits here."

Evi tilts her head. "Even though we drained ya of Icas usin' sticks?"

She takes out one of the sticks. "Common sense, darling! In case you forgot, I sell these for 2 Icas a piece! 100% profits right there."

She's a crafty one, probably. What do you do/buy now?
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Have Evi create a diversion and attempt to steal a badass weapon (or anything else we can manage to get away with)
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"Sounds to me like you should hand me the stick that's up your ass so I can sell it."

Fucking lmao
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oh fuck i just realized i made an error above and forgot to delete the duplicate "stick acquired" so ignore that
will update shortly
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