Poll of the Day > Not sure how big of a red flag it is that my 26 year old gf is controlled

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blu
05/01/18 8:29:47 AM
#1:


by her mom so much. She sent me this.

Tomorrow will probably be our last full day together till the wedding. Mom is giving me a ton of shit :/

And *** is acting all sad. Evidently I told her I was hers after we got back from Utah like a few weeks ago. I have no memory of this but she and mom insist I said it. And I'm thinking if I did it was just in reference to not being gone all weekend


The wedding is in two months. Its her sisters wedding. All thats left is random things like new shoes for her sister for every different shower that happens.

But, I know her feelings towards me, and I know she wants to see me. She just is controlled by her mom and has s difficult time saying no to people. She plans on moving in with me right after the wedding.

Am I justified in being annoyed with her?
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Mead
05/01/18 8:51:24 AM
#2:


I dunno

Talk to her. Tell her why this bothers you.
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Far-Queue
05/01/18 9:48:11 AM
#3:


Have sex with her mom. That'll solve all of your troubles.
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Baardmeester
05/01/18 9:58:37 AM
#4:


Far-Queue posted...
Have sex with her mom. That'll solve all of your troubles.
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Muffinz0rz
05/01/18 10:14:53 AM
#5:


Red flag is y'all haven't even tried living together and are getting married

But also yeah red flag. Two months is a long fucking time. I know some couples spend a little time apart before weddings, but that's like, what, a week? Two weeks, tops?
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SunWuKung420
05/01/18 10:18:31 AM
#6:


Muffins, it's not their wedding.

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.
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OhhhJa
05/01/18 10:22:40 AM
#7:


She lied to you. She's actually been staying at my place
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BADoglick
05/01/18 10:24:53 AM
#8:


Sounds like she is using her mom as an excuse
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Viking_Mudcrap
05/01/18 10:32:12 AM
#9:


SunWuKung420 posted...

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.


Bro, that's so mean lol.
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SunWuKung420
05/01/18 10:33:41 AM
#10:


Viking_Mudcrap posted...
SunWuKung420 posted...

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.


Bro, that's so mean lol.


That only applies to real people and things that actually happened.
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RFC22
05/01/18 10:39:54 AM
#11:


Maybe she hasn't seen her mom in a while? Or there's some situation she might not be telling you?
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Bizonchik
05/01/18 10:56:59 AM
#12:


Communication is key. The biggest red flag is the unwillingness to communicate.
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GanglyKhan
05/01/18 11:00:18 AM
#13:


Muffinz0rz posted...
Red flag is y'all haven't even tried living together and are getting married

But also yeah red flag. Two months is a long fucking time. I know some couples spend a little time apart before weddings, but that's like, what, a week? Two weeks, tops?

Cohabitation actually has a higher rate of divorce.
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Archgoat
05/01/18 11:13:43 AM
#14:


GanglyKhan posted...
Muffinz0rz posted...
Red flag is y'all haven't even tried living together and are getting married

But also yeah red flag. Two months is a long fucking time. I know some couples spend a little time apart before weddings, but that's like, what, a week? Two weeks, tops?

Cohabitation actually has a higher rate of divorce.


I have a hard time believing that. I guess maybe that could be that people who live together before marriage are not as religious so are more willing to divorce.

As for the TC, that is kind of strange to me. I could see her saying she won't be able to see you much if she was busy, but not at all is a big red flag to me.
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Smarkil
05/01/18 11:17:03 AM
#15:


Come on bro, you can't go back to using the controlling mom angle again. That's just lazy writing.
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Muffinz0rz
05/01/18 11:25:39 AM
#16:


SunWuKung420 posted...
Muffins, it's not their wedding.

Whoops, shows what I get for skimming the required reading.

Still got me my degree though!
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Ogurisama
05/01/18 11:28:26 AM
#17:


Smarkil posted...
Come on bro, you can't go back to using the controlling mom angle again. That's just lazy writing.


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LinkPizza
05/01/18 2:04:14 PM
#18:


Muffinz0rz posted...
Red flag is y'all haven't even tried living together and are getting married

But also yeah red flag. Two months is a long fucking time. I know some couples spend a little time apart before weddings, but that's like, what, a week? Two weeks, tops?

I do recommend living together before getting married for sure. I believe it's her sister's wedding, not theirs. Also, I think they will see each other. They just won't have a full day together...

Bizonchik posted...
Communication is key. The biggest red flag is the unwillingness to communicate.

This is true...
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Mead
05/01/18 2:10:29 PM
#19:


Viking_Mudcrap posted...
SunWuKung420 posted...

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.


Bro, that's so mean lol.


He is a pretty mean person when it comes down to it.
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SunWuKung420
05/01/18 2:36:43 PM
#20:


Mead posted...
Viking_Mudcrap posted...
SunWuKung420 posted...

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.


Bro, that's so mean lol.


He is a pretty mean person when it comes down to it.


We are talking about blu, not some real person. Come on meadette. You know better.
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Mead
05/01/18 2:38:52 PM
#21:


SunWuKung420 posted...
Mead posted...
Viking_Mudcrap posted...
SunWuKung420 posted...

If she is willing to ignore your red flags, you should ignore hers.


Bro, that's so mean lol.


He is a pretty mean person when it comes down to it.


We are talking about blu, not some real person. Come on meadette. You know better.


Youve been going out of your way to kick people when theyre down lately.

What kind of person does that?
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SunWuKung420
05/01/18 3:14:05 PM
#22:


Mead posted...
Youve been going out of your way to kick people when theyre down lately.


Huh?
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OhhhJa
05/01/18 3:21:49 PM
#23:


Nice guy sunny strikes again
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adjl
05/04/18 6:39:44 AM
#24:


Archgoat posted...
GanglyKhan posted...
Muffinz0rz posted...
Red flag is y'all haven't even tried living together and are getting married

But also yeah red flag. Two months is a long fucking time. I know some couples spend a little time apart before weddings, but that's like, what, a week? Two weeks, tops?

Cohabitation actually has a higher rate of divorce.


I have a hard time believing that. I guess maybe that could be that people who live together before marriage are not as religious so are more willing to divorce.


It it counterintuitive, but as far as I know, it is what the stats say. I haven't looked at the stats in detail, though, so I wouldn't be at all surprised if the actual stat is that they get divorced sooner, which makes sense if we assume that every relationship that ends in divorce was only ever going to last that long (a bit of a deterministic view, but I think it's somewhat appropriate here).

It may also be that living together means there's less practical incentive to encourage marriage (since you already get to enjoy spending all that (sexy)time together). That means a greater percentage of cohabiting couples that get married do so more because they think it will save a stagnating relationship than because they really want to. That's not likely to end well.

It's also only relatively recently that cohabiting before marriage has come into vogue, so the average stats there are going to have a hard time competing with all the happy 60+ year marriages from an era before it became standard practice. Even more so where, before it became more acceptable (and even now), cohabiting couples would frequently face outside pressure to get married, whether it's what they wanted or not.

There are a lot of possible explanations, really.
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LinkPizza
05/04/18 11:07:15 AM
#25:


I feel like I wouldn't be comfortable marrying someone without living with them, tbh. But I also probably won't get married. Our relationship is good the way it is, so...
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bulbinking
05/04/18 12:28:44 PM
#26:


blu posted...
by her mom so much. She sent me this.

Tomorrow will probably be our last full day together till the wedding. Mom is giving me a ton of shit :/

And *** is acting all sad. Evidently I told her I was hers after we got back from Utah like a few weeks ago. I have no memory of this but she and mom insist I said it. And I'm thinking if I did it was just in reference to not being gone all weekend


The wedding is in two months. Its her sisters wedding. All thats left is random things like new shoes for her sister for every different shower that happens.

But, I know her feelings towards me, and I know she wants to see me. She just is controlled by her mom and has s difficult time saying no to people. She plans on moving in with me right after the wedding.

Am I justified in being annoyed with her?


This is scary.

Make sure she isnt clinging to you because she is unable to pursue her own life.

She might be more abused/controlled than she realizes as well.
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wwinterj25
05/04/18 12:33:34 PM
#27:


Far-Queue posted...
Have sex with her mom. That'll solve all of your troubles.

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ClarkDuke
05/04/18 2:55:23 PM
#28:


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SunWuKung420
05/04/18 2:57:59 PM
#29:


LinkPizza posted...
I feel like I wouldn't be comfortable marrying someone without living with them, tbh. But I also probably won't get married. Our relationship is good the way it is, so...


I didn't move into my wife's house until we were married.
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ferko420
05/04/18 3:06:11 PM
#30:


I saw utah, thought massive mormon family, too bad for the rest of your life.
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blu
05/08/18 7:47:12 PM
#31:


Smarkil posted...
Come on bro, you can't go back to using the controlling mom angle again. That's just lazy writing.


I tend to date girls with overly controlling parents. idk why
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Entity13
05/08/18 7:52:21 PM
#32:


Do you, yourself, wish to be controlled in all the right way, perhaps?
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Bacon_Pancakes
05/08/18 8:26:14 PM
#33:


Are you dating my sister? She's 26, controlled by my mom, my oldest sister is getting married soon, and she's planning on moving in with her bf after the wedding.

Do you, by chance, resemble a Hobbit? Does your girlfriend, by chance, look like big bird?
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Cacciato
05/08/18 8:53:22 PM
#34:


Bacon_Pancakes posted...
Are you dating my sister? She's 26, controlled by my mom, my oldest sister is getting married soon, and she's planning on moving in with her bf after the wedding.

Do you, by chance, resemble a Hobbit? Does your girlfriend, by chance, look like big bird?

He does, and she does.
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Revelation34
05/12/18 2:51:47 PM
#35:


Bacon_Pancakes posted...
Are you dating my sister? She's 26, controlled by my mom, my oldest sister is getting married soon, and she's planning on moving in with her bf after the wedding.

Do you, by chance, resemble a Hobbit? Does your girlfriend, by chance, look like big bird?


Who doesn't move in after getting married?
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TheCyborgNinja
05/12/18 3:07:32 PM
#36:


Mead posted...
I dunno

Talk to her. Tell her why this bothers you.

Yeah, it's only going to get worse if you let it fester until you blow up at her or her mom. Chances are she won't take it well at first, but give it time to sink in and she will hopefully acknowledge that you're right.
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LinkPizza
05/12/18 4:21:50 PM
#37:


Revelation34 posted...
Bacon_Pancakes posted...
Are you dating my sister? She's 26, controlled by my mom, my oldest sister is getting married soon, and she's planning on moving in with her bf after the wedding.

Do you, by chance, resemble a Hobbit? Does your girlfriend, by chance, look like big bird?


Who doesn't move in after getting married?

There are probably some people who don't...
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