Board 8 > Gauntlet Crew Ranks Martial Arts Movies - "Don't think! Feeeel!"

(+) Yeah! (+)

Inviso - Im REALLY upset that I didnt enjoy this one, because Enter the Dragon was hyped to the ends of the Earth. Like, THIS was the movie that people know Bruce Lee from (or at least, this is what Ive heard he was known from), and I watched it and Im likeehhh. For starters, Bruce himself is too goddamn overpowered. He fights an army of guards, then an army of trained fighters, then the big boss, and up until the big boss, he doesnt take a single hit. Its just a dude easily kicking the crap out of lackeys. He doesnt even have a match in goddamn tournament that I can remember. And then he gets to fight old JONA in the final five minutes, and old JONA ONLY does damage because he puts on Wolverine claws. And even THEN, Bruce still only gets hit cause he pretty much lets old JONA get some hits in for free. He just shrugs them off and continues kicking his ass in a hall of mirrors (for some reason.)

Meanwhile, you have subplots involving a douchebag fighter who gets his ass kicked in round one of the tournament and is never seen again. Black guy fighter whos killed halfway through because youve gotta kill black dudes, I guess? White guy that looks like young Sean Connery who is inexplicably good at fighting and even kills fat JONA I guess? It FEELS like these storylines are supposed to be important, yet the whole climax of the film is all about Bruce, so its like they mashed two separate movies (one about kung fu and revenge, and one about spy shit) into one and sent it out. Im REALLY disappointed that this was so mediocre. I expected so much more from it.
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LMAO Wickle, good callback.
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Outlier Rankings

Inviso - 228
scarlet - 210
JONA - 209
Snake - 196
Wickle - 193
Karo - 189
Johnbobb - 112

Inviso takes 1st and scarlet also passes me by for 2nd.

Hint for 15.

Stars a master who teaches a student(s)
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scarletspeed7 posted...

LMAO Wickle, good callback.

:)
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saying Karate Kid again
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1. SPL: Sha Po Lang/Killzone
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. ???
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. Rush Hour
10. ???
11. ???
12. ???
13. ???
14. ???
15. Bloodsport
16. Big Trouble in Little China
17. Game of Death
18. Rumble in the Bronx
19. Kung Pow!: Enter the Fist
20. Five Deadly Venoms
21. Fist of Fury/The Chinese Connection
22. ???
23. Crippled Avengers
24. The Forbidden Kingdom
25. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
26. Drunken Master
27. Kickboxer
28. The Big Boss/Fists of Fury
29. One Armed Swordsman
30. ???
31. ???
32. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin
33. Way of the Dragon
34. Master of the Flying Guillotine
35. Enter the Dragon
36. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
37. Once Upon a Time in China
38. Come Drink With Me
39. The Street Fighter
40. Executioners from Shaolin

It could be worse. Definitely wish my number 1 was still in...but there's only two movies left I'd be REALLY unhappy to see win.
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1. ???
2. ???
3. ???
4. ???
5. ???
6. ???
7. ???
8. ???
9. ???
10. ???
11. Rumble in the Bronx
12. Way of the Dragon
13. ???
14. ???
15. The Forbidden Kingdom
16. Once Upon a Time in China
17. ???
18. ???
19. The Big Boss
20. Rush Hour
21. Crouching Tiger, Hidden Dragon
22. ???
23. The Chinese Connection
24. Drunken Master
25. Kickboxer
26. Bloodsport
27. Enter the Dragon
28. The 36th Chamber of Shaolin
29. Riki-Oh: The Story of Ricky
30. Crippled Avengers
31. The One-Armed Swordsman
32. Come Drink with Me
33. SPL: Sha Po Lang
34. Executioners from Shaolin
35. Five Deadly Venoms
36. Game of Death
37. The Street Fighter
38. Master of the Flying Guillotine
39. Big Trouble in Little China
40. Kung Pow! Enter the Fist
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JONA doesn't like it when people do that, so for him, I will not do it in his topic. Instead, I'll just do numbers.

1, 3-4, 6-7, 9, 12-13, 17-20, 22, 30, 36 are left for me. That not as annoying, JONA?
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i think there's only 3 movies left the hint applies to
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:|
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15. The Karate Kid (1984) - 129 points

Wickle - 6
Karo - 7
Inviso - 13
Snake - 15
Johnbobb - 23
scarlet - 32
JONA - 33

Wickle - Great classic American film, and while a lot of the set-up could be cringy and boring It all made up for it in how satisfying that tournament was and hearing Johnny just praise Danny as one of the last lines. Though its a little sad that the movie got cut short at that end due to air time, as it would have been nice to see that guys school get shut down. Granted, there is a sequel and a few more movies in the series, so maybe parts of that go to it I just dont remember the sequels. Miyagi was great.

Karo - A boy who is possibly Rocky's bastard son moves to california and gets bullied by ninja surfers. He seeks the help of a reclusive old japanese man who teaches him martial arts via intense car waxing. Mr. Miyagi is the real highlight of the movie, he is probably the best 'crazy old master' character ever, and his antics are never tiring (except to the protagonist).

Inviso - While Ive heard good things about the remake, what with its Chinese setting and legion of demonic JONA children to serve as antagonists, I liked the original. This was my first time watching it, and I feel like its much less of a kung-fu movie (its karate, and the 2010 remake is kung-fu, GET IT TOGETHER, JONA) and more of a coming of age movie. Like, compared to almost everything else on the list, the fighting feels secondary to the plot in this movie, and I respect that. Daniel is a great fish-out-of-water character, and you legitimately feel for him. Hes a cocky dickbag, but hes a cocky dickbag who got yanked out of his comfortable life where he was probably a badass, and thrown into a weird situation with rich, white karate experts. His reactions to this situation feel realistic, and I could identify with him as a character. As for Mr. Miyagi, hes fine. The only time when he really stood out for me as a character was when he got drunk and mourned his lost family. But yeah, this was more about Daniel, and I think he did a good job serving as the underdog. If the movie had a little less 80s cheese, it couldve ranked even higher for me.

Snake - Following the footsteps of Rocky, The Karate Kid is a classic underdog story if maybe not as powerful as that aforementioned boxing film. Its got your typical new kid and typical overconfident bully, but the character that really shines is Mr. Miyagi and his fortunte-cookie style quotes. The fight scenes in this are slow and methodical than the typical bombast of the Chinese martial arts films, and I could see how they could be underwhelming for some, but they work for the tone of the film.

Johnbobb - Almost hard to call this a martial arts film; its about as tame as they come compared to the rest on this list. Still, its a solid family film. I always thought The Karate Kid movies were a little overrated, but I do have a big appreciation for how good of a character Mr. Miyagi was, and how well Morita and Macchio establish their friendship. But holy hell is this movie 80s to the extreme.

scarlet - The story of Miyagi is one of subtle tragedy and loss. The story of Ralph Macchio will make you bash your head in. Which outweighs the other? You decide!

JONA - The movie does a good job of making you empathize with Daniel and the relationship between him and Mr. Miyagi is great but the antagonists and love interest are really lame. It's the freaking Karate Kid. What really needs to be said here?
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Outlier Rankings

Inviso - 230
scarlet - 227
JONA - 227
Wickle - 202
Karo - 197
Snake - 196
Johnbobb - 120

Really tight race for 1st and a really tight middle with Wickle getting 4th. Also, Johnbobb is there.

Hint for 14.

Takes place in China
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I honestly felt like I would take first place in this list because this is not a script-based list and I'm a script-based viewer.
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JONALEON1 posted...

Also, Johnbobb is there.

Basically a summary of me as a user
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Gonna say Police Story for the next one
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I remember having another guess besides Police Story, but I don't remember what it was.

Oh wait. Kung Fu Hustle, I think it also China. I more expected it to be Police Story by this point but yeah.
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I'm gonna guess Hero.
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14. House of Flying Daggers - 127 points

Wickle - 7
JONA - 14
Karo - 14
Johnbobb - 15
Snake - 22
scarlet - 25
Inviso - 30

Wickle - A little predictable in chunks of its execution, but pieces were still not so predictable I can probably explain in spoiler tags if necessary once the movie has placed, granted, some others might not avoid spoilers so well see if its wasted sentiments. The movie was choreographed really well, I was even remembering stupid shit pegasus legs during the bamboo fight and seeing just how much better this movies choreography was. That fight (although it did have its flaws in endless bamboo spears like many action movies have a problem with endless bullets) and the fight in the blizzard were both really good. Also the two echo games. A lot of the movie was fairly stunning.

JONA - For a movie called House of Flying Daggers, you wouldn't think there would be such a focus on romance. It's a nice romance and executed its emotional parts well. The action is pretty great and definitely engaging with the movie's beautiful environments. However, the movie tends to use CG for projectile weapons and can look pretty dated nowadays and it doesn't help when the camera shoots them like it's a 3D movie. The plot is pretty simple but it gives a lot of focus to the characters and there was a plot twist which was unexpected but it made a part in the beginning more confusing. Just a gorgeous movie with some solid romance and action.

Karo - A government official goes undercover in order to infiltrate the titular rebel group and seduces a blind rebel girl in order to learn of their secret hideout and of course he begins to fall for her for real. After some creepy womanizing and impressive fight choreography this predictably ends in tragedy and people getting killed (by flying daggers, of course)

Johnbobb - House of Flying Daggers was actually just a little disappointing, largely because I went into it with higher expectations than I did with most of the list. May as well state the obvious; the visuals here are often nothing short of stunning. In particular, the bamboo forest scene in a marvel, with its distinct colors and lighting really making it stand out among the rest of the film. However, the plot isnt quite as impressive, with the romance not really grabbing me quite as much as I expected it to given the overwhelmingly positive reception. Still, the standout visuals hold it as well worth seeing.

Snake - A sumptuous highly stylized feature. The plot is nothing write home about but at least the acting definitely keeps your attention. Some bad CGI here and there takes me out of the film and this film is definitely a case of style over substance.

scarlet - I did not enjoy this film. It's hard to say why. I think it's because it brought nothing exciting or new to the table. At no point was I really interested in it whilst I was watching it. It's different, but not in a good way. It is fairly beautifully shot, mind, so you can get something from it. Long story short, this movie suffered from Ranking Fatigue; that is, at some point, when youve exhausted every possible variation of a genre, all you see is how derivative every story beats.
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Inviso - This is like, the third movie on the list where Im okay with the plot, but its trying SO HARD to be artistic and stylized that it kinda gets stuck up its own ass. Like, the general concept is FINE. You have JONA going undercover as some random pervert, trying to hook up with Zhang Ziyi, who is apparently a blind dancer. Hes doing this to infiltrate what is essentially a terrorist organization. He gets in too deep however, falling in love, only to discoveryup, she was playing him. Zhang wasnt blind, knew what he was up to, and was in turn using HIM to get to the leader of his countrys army. But she also falls in love with him, and theres a love triangle. Its an acceptable plot, nothing TOO spectacular. But its likethe fight scenes are so lumbering and slow and theyre so spread out in order to highlight the movie and how brilliant the movie is. Im sorry, Im not a fan of the whole wire-fu thing that was all the rage in the early 2000s. I mean, its an OKAY movie, but this isnt what Im watching these for.
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Oh. Okay.
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Johnbobb posted...

Gonna say Police Story for the next one

It couldn't have been Police Story since that takes place in Hong Kong.
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Outlier Rankings

Inviso - 246
scarlet - 238
JONA - 227
Wickle - 209
Snake - 204
Karo - 197
Johnbobb - 121

Vis gets some more breathing space in his lead and Snake overtakes Karo.

Hint for 13.

One word title.
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Chocolate, Hero or Fearless.

I'm gonna guess Hero, since we just booted HoFD.
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I'll guess Fearless.
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JONALEON1 posted...

Johnbobb posted...

Gonna say Police Story for the next one

It couldn't have been Police Story since that takes place in Hong Kong.

is Hong Kong not in China?
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I'll say Hero

I assume the people unimpressed with HoFD and CTHD probably aren't going to be too high on Hero either

Surprised HoFD did so much better than CTHD though; I thought the latter was considerably better
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Johnbobb posted...

JONALEON1 posted...

Johnbobb posted...

Gonna say Police Story for the next one

It couldn't have been Police Story since that takes place in Hong Kong.

is Hong Kong not in China?

Yeah but kinda like how Puerto Rico is owned by the US.

When Police Story released, Hong Kong was owned by the UK.
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JONALEON1 posted...

Johnbobb posted...

JONALEON1 posted...

Johnbobb posted...

Gonna say Police Story for the next one

It couldn't have been Police Story since that takes place in Hong Kong.

is Hong Kong not in China?

Yeah but kinda like how Puerto Rico is owned by the US.

When Police Story released, Hong Kong was owned by the UK.

I know but unlike Puerto Rico, Hong Kong is physically located within continental China, so I figured it'd count :o
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bump
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13. Fearless - 119 points

Karo - 8
scarlet - 8
Inviso - 11
Johnbobb - 12
Wickle - 17
JONA - 30
Snake - 33

Karo - A kung fu guy wants to kick the ass of everyone in china, but after his family is murdered he heads off into the country to reevaluate his priorities. There he has an epiphany - he needs to kick the ass of the entire world! After making a promise to return to the cute country girl he met, he runs off to fight for chinese patriotism and promptly gets himself killed. He then comes back to her as a ghost which I'm sure she finds comforting.

scarlet - I actually really dig this. It's fairly over the top but the plot is engaging and the action scenes are fantastic. It isn't flawless, but "Fearless" puts up a fair fight. Had this been Jet Lis final film, it would have been a fantastic choice. A visual delight.

Inviso - In a way, this was like the sports movie we didnt watch for the sports movie ranking. Its a biographical tale of a wushu master who stood up against the forces of Western imperialism and Japanese invasion. And you know what? Its pretty damn good. Its good a decent number of well-choreographed fight scenes, and I like watching Jet Li grow from wimpy kid, to wushu master, to arrogant murderer, to humble farmer, and finally returning to wushu having learned humility and learned from his mistakes. By the time the film ends, the man who fought and killed over a perceived slight (costing his mother and daughter in the process) is no more, and instead is a symbol of righteousness for all of China. I do love how they threw in evil JONA at the very end to try and fuck everything up by poisoning him. Like we didnt know the Japanese were EEEEEEEEEVIL as it is. Still, I found this really well-made for a based on a true story movie, and I liked it.

Johnbobb - Ok, first off, that guy fell off the tower face first and shouldve been 100% dead. Second, thanks to Danny Rand, I cant watch anyone brag about their Iron Fist with a straight face. This movie was impressive. Its one of the longer entries on the ranking, but didnt drag as much as some of the other movies, even ones 40 minutes shorter than it (thats not to say it couldnt afford to lose a bit of runtime). Huo made for an interesting protagonist, as the film never backed away from his flaws. The sword fight in the beginning was intense and excellently shot, as were several of the other larger set piece fights.

Wickle - Really damn long, we had to live through the insufferable protagonist for ~an hour, to go to him moping around for 20 minutes to him showing up as a respectable member of society for the last hour before he inevitably dies because its based on a true story. Also really, we know the time of the movie, we can definitely see him send out a death flag with about 20 minutes left to go and he has to fight 4 people No shit hes gonna die. Just wasnt that enjoyable a film with its plot. Also, subs triggered me on this movie, someone didnt know how to type words with double letters. Like if this mesage was writen by the guys who did those subs, it would lok like this.

JONA - The main character and his development is completely fine but also kinda unremarkable and can definitely drag (I did end up watching the director's cut after all). What really puts this movie down for me is the damn camera work. I found it to be garbage. Constant cuts, shots where you have no idea who got hit with what and slow-motion shots after someone gets hit. The fights had good elements in them but I really could not get over the camera work.

Snake - For a biographical film, theres a few too many fancy computer effects here and otherwise its not too much better than other films and isnt quite the martial arts masterpiece it aspires to be.
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Outlier Rankings

Inviso - 248
JONA - 244
scarlet - 243
Snake - 224
Wickle - 213
Karo - 202
Johnbobb - 122

I regain my groove and take back 2nd, closing in on Inviso, and Snake gets ahead of the middle pack.

Hint for 12.

Two #1's.
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Well at least this one can't be me.

Gonna guess Hero again.
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Might be me honestly.
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This would make sense as mine. I just wonder who I share it with.
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Kill Bill Vol 2 for the upset
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WickIebee posted...

This would make sense as mine. I just wonder who I share it with.

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Maybe Johnbobb and I have the same number one then!
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Oh wait, this is the ranking topic. I thought it was pre-hype topic. Cool stuff. Ya go my The Raid duology.
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Also yes you can think of Indonesia and its people like what you see in those movies.
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12. Kung Fu Hustle - 102 points

Johnbobb - 1
scarlet - 1
Karo - 3
Snake - 19
Inviso - 22
JONA - 26
Wickle - 30

Johnbobb - High school lunch, sophomore year, Im sitting with a friend of mine discussing movies, when he brings up two films Ive never heard of: Shaolin Soccer and Kung Fu Hustle. He swears up and down by them as the funniest movies hes seen, and while Im hesitant due to the fact that, until that point, Id never really watched martial arts films, I give them a try, starting with Kung Fu Hustle. And within 2 hours, Im a Stephen Chow fan for life. I could probably count on one hand the films that are funnier than this one. It easily beats even the most hilarious films on this list, which is an accomplishment on its own, but on top of that, it features some of the most extraordinary over-the-top fight scenes around. The musical fight is particularly impressive, and even as the special effects become dated, it never gets any less thrilling to watch these massive battles go down. Maybe its not objectively the best film on this list (its certainly not the type to go for prestige) but its definitely the most enjoyable.

scarlet - When I saw that this movie was on the list, I was immediately sold on participating. One of my all-time favorite action movies, who even cares about Stephen Chows character. Its all about the greatest married couple of all time. Martial arts? Try marital arts. The action is so over-the-top that the comedy is timeless and perfect.

Karo - The story centers on an apartment complex where everyone is a kung fu master (even the stereotypical landlady), and many strange and cartoony battles occur. It is delightfully ridiculous, and feels so fresh and different compared to other members of the genre.

Snake - Like Shaolin Soccer, Kung Fu Hustle is a pretty funny true live-action cartoon. It definitely feels like a retro comedy and send-up to old martial arts films but with a modern sheen filled with special effects.

Inviso - I laughed a lot during this movie. I mean, its a comedy, so I was supposed to. So it definitely did its job. Butit just didnt appeal to me the way the Unintentional comedy of some of the so bad its good movies on the list did. I think a BIG part of it is just how cheesy the CGI looks. Like, Shaolin Soccer was just as cheesy when we did the sports listbut I was more willing to look past that because of just how cheesy it was as a SPORTS movie. When it comes to outright kung fu, I want more than that. What we got was likeSpy Kids level CGI that distracted me from enjoying the comedy more often than Id like. And unfortunately, the plot was kinda all over the place. The Axe Gang, sure, main antagonists. But you switch from three JONAs in a slum who are secretly martial arts mastersthey die and get replaced by the slumlords, who are also martial arts mastersand then this all leads up to random-ass JONA turning into the ultimate kung fu master and. Its a WEIRD story structure that might work with the cartoony style, but its not spectacular for me. Meanwhile, Momviso said this was her favorite movie on the list soyeah.

JONA - It's a funny movie but the over-reliance on bad CG definitely kept me from loving this movie.

Wickle - I cant really think of anything other than this movie was stupid. It had moments of being funny and is just a parody movie anyway, so it did a little bit of its job. Just was mostly stupid.
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Outlier Rankings

Inviso - 258
JONA - 258
scarlet - 254
Snake - 231
Wickle - 231
Karo - 211
Johnbobb - 133

Vis and I tie it up as well as Snake and Wickle.

Hint for 11.

Last hint. It's a Thai film.
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Gonna guess Chocolate, but hoping for Protector.
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Man I figured that was coming. Glad it made it this high at least

^5 Scarlet

Guessing Chocolate for the next one

Also surprised that that'll mean Police Story is definitely top 10. I think that's the only remaining entry I'd be surprised to see do high
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could be any of the three, really
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I doubt it's Ong Bak, it could be one of the other two though.
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Ehhhh Kung Fu Hustle

It's way better at what it's going for than say Kung Pow but really think Shaolin Soccer is the only one of those types of buffoonish films I can think of that really works for me
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I'm like wondering about my own list after rereading Kung Pow's writeup. This was probably the point where I had a bunch of stuff I didn't know where I was ranking them, and just gave up caring where they go. Tends to happen with longer lists.
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I think the big difference for me is I found Shaolin Soccer a lot more coherent than this one. This felt like a buncha silliness strung together with a loose theme and endpoint more than an actual story. Shaolin Soccer I can actually tell you the plot and never felt lost.

Maybe it is partially the mindset I was in when I watched it I don't know.
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bump
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Lopen posted...

I think the big difference for me is I found Shaolin Soccer a lot more coherent than this one. This felt like a buncha silliness strung together with a loose theme and endpoint more than an actual story. Shaolin Soccer I can actually tell you the plot and never felt lost.

Maybe it is partially the mindset I was in when I watched it I don't know.

Yeah, this was my exact feeling. With sports movies, there's a method to their madness, plotwise (usually with a ragtag team of underdogs rising up and overcoming a dominant force). So Shaolin Soccer makes sense as an over-the-top sports movie. But kung-fu movies don't have that same rigidity to their plots, so Kung Fu Hustle feels far less coherent.
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