Season Four Episode Seventeen: Crash of Moons w/General Hospital Part 3 Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: The awkward engagement party dissolves when Ken is called away for a hospital emergency. Phil decides to take Ken's fiancee home. Phil's wife Jessie is none too happy.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Rocky Jones (Crane) tries to save the inhabitants of a planet that is doomed to a collision with one of the moons of a two-moon system but runs into resistance from the planet's suspicious empress.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Crow attempts to earn money by selling Grit but mistakenly uses actual grit. Joel and Tom admonish Crow about some of his previous moneymaking schemes including selling turkey pizzas. Crow tries once more by grilling Joel about his insurance needs.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Dr. Forrester has invented a frosting toothpaste that creates cavities. Joel demonstrates the Rock-N-Wreck guitar for garage musicians who can't afford to destroy their instruments. TV's Frank is sucking down the toothpaste like it's chocolate and peanut butter. Wait, it is..
Segment Two: Crow and Tom vie for Gypsy's affections with their 1920's ditty The Gypsy Moons.
Segment Three: Joel and the Bots send benevolent Bannergrams via fax to various people, all of whom live in Denver.
Segment Four: Crow introduces his spec script teleplay based on "Crash of the Moons" and "Star Trek". JatBs do a read-through and give notes.
Ending Segment: Joel reads a viewer letter and the SOL is visited by John Banner/Bavarro (Mike Nelson)via the hexfield viewscreen. Joel sends a Bannergram to Deep 13.
Stinger: "Boopie!"
Review:
I'm not a big fan of these General Hospital bits. I'm glad that there were only three of them. They are really weak.
The movie for today is a continuation/sequel of Manhunt in Space. Like that movie, I really don't remember that much from this movie. It's sort of a mindless TV series turned movie because why not? It was cheap to produce. It was an alright movie, but like the other movie, you won't retain much from it after watching it. 6/10
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Season Four Episode Eighteen: Attack of the the Eye Creatures Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: A saucer landing is expected (and highly classified) by top people in the military. The local Army base is instructed to keep watch for activity in the sky, but instead they use an infrared scope to watch local teens make out. The saucer lands. Meanwhile, "teens" Stan and Susan are trying to elope. Keeping their headlights off to avoid attention, they run over an eye creature. They report this, but in the meantime, the eye creatures have replaced the body of the dead eye creature with the body of a young drifter, and so the two teens are arrested. The Army finds the saucer, cordons it off, and blows it up. The teens escape from the police station and discover that the eye creatures explode when exposed to bright light
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots experience the best friends stage of their development, but quickly grow out of it.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Tom disses Crow behind his back. The Mads created the router Ouija board that can contact the spirits of dead woodworkers. JatBs demonstrate their Funny Gag Fax, a modern variation of the old squirting phone gag. They show it off on Dr. Forrester, who tries to show it to TV's Frank, but that fails.
Segment Two: Inspired by the smoochers in the movie, Tom wants to make out, but he doesn’t know how. Crow, Gypsy, and Magic Voice all turn him down. Finally Joel plants a big ol’ wet one on him!
Segment Three: Wearing wigs resembling the hairstyle from the girl from the movie, it's Earl Hollimania! Mainly because the kid who plays Stan vaguely resembles Earl Holliman.
Segment Four: The Rip Taylor Trio! The guys gad about like three Rip Taylors, complete with bad toupees, ridiculous moustaches, obvious prop humor, and glittery confetti. They say, "C’mon, laugh! It’s funny!" repeatedly
Ending Segment: JatBs offer proof that filmmaker Larry Buchanan "just didn’t care", and it's rather convincing. Larry Buchanon visits Deep 13 and essentially confirms their suspicions.
Stinger: The greasy drifter in the multicolor striped sweater dress
Review:
They just didn't care. That's a pretty damn accurate description for today's episode. The monsters are more goofy than scary, the acting is crappy, the night scenes have such lovely days. Hell, the monsters really don't kill anyone. They're lucky that they don't fall over when they walk around (wait, I think a few do!)
This episode is one of the more popular episodes from this season, and I can see why. The terribleness of this flick actually takes this back to So Bad It's Good territory. The riffing is great, and the host segments funny. The final segment where they broke down all the problems with the movie is truly hilarious. I'd go as far as to say this would make for a good introduction episode for newcomers. 9.5/10
Trivia: Since the broadcast of this episode, this movie has become very popular due to being the world's first Rickroll.
It's pretty hilarious how many hilarious in hindsight moments you can find on this show.
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Joel: Attack of the the Eye Creatures? Did Mel Tillis write these movie titles or what?
*After seeing some obviously fake film that is "official Flying Saucer" film*
Joel: No seriously, let's see the real thing.
*After Lt. Robertson berates Cpl. Culver and his Sergeant for peeping on make out couples he... proceeds to watch with them*
Servo: Jeez, Henry: Portrait of a Serial Killer wasn't as sick as this.
Sergeant: Yeah, how about that.
Joel: This is sick.
Robertson: Alright, back to business.
Joel: This is Larry, Darryl, and Darryl.
*After two characters pathetically hit on a waitress*
Joel: I'd like to apologize for the entire male gender now. I'm sorry.
*After the pathetic scene in the diner, we get an outside shot of where with a lightning strike*
Servo (as God): I resent that. I can't believe I made those two guys.
Crow: I don't know about you guys, but I'm rooting for the the eye creatures.
*Harold and his lady make out some more, while Culver and Sarge still look on.*
Harold's Makeout Girl: Oh Harold, when you kiss me, I see explosions.
Culver: You know what? When he kisses her, I see explosions too!
Joel (angrily): You know what? You're one sick mamma jamma.
*One of the guys from the diner, Carl, is wandering around at the make out point, while a flying saucer is overhead.*
Joel: I'm never gonna give you up, never gonna let you down, never gonna fool ar... (What, I had to add the World's First Rick Roll to this!)
*Stan and Susan are driving around, in the "dark"*
Joel: It's really hard to see the road when it's... noon.
*After hitting one of the Eye Creatures, we get a shot of it*
Servo (as Stan): I think we hit the Michelin Man!
*Stan and Susan are wandering around a house, and Susan opens a door, then screams*
Stan: I would've done it myself!
Susan: I rather you did, too! Opening strange doors isn't a thing for a good clean innocent American Girl to do.
Crow: What kind of dialogue is that?
*We see the two "comic" relief characters, as they watch one of the Eye Creatures. Bizarrely, they think it's a TV show. After some bad jokes, Servo's had enough*
Servo: Joel, take my head off.
*The Eye Creatures try to rescue the hand of another one.*
Crow: Hey, keep an eye out for the cops! Get it, EYE?!
*After several shots of the Eye Creatures*
Crow: You know, you could pack fine china with these guys.
*After Stan and Susan gets some pals, they drive to where the creatures are, and it goes from night to morning to night.*
Joel: They just didn't care.
Servo: That night, the next morning, sometime the next evening. Sometime that afternoon..
Joel: They didn't just care. Look at it!
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Season Four Episode Nineteen: The Rebel Set w/short Johnny at the Fair Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: At the 1947 Canadian National Exhibition, Johnny ditches his parents and finds celebrities abound, awesome exhibits, and other adventures. Johnny gets tired, gets sent to a lost child section, his parents find him, and all is well.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Mr. Tucker, proprietor of a coffee house, hires three patrons, John Mapes, Ray Miller; and George Leland. They are to participate in an armored car robbery in a four-hour stopover in Chicago during the trio's train trip to New York. Tucker and his henchman Sidney fly ahead to set up the robbery, which goes off without a hitch. However, once back on the train, Tucker double crosses the trio, eliminating Leland and Miller, leaving Mapes as the only one left to stop Tucker.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel attempts to read the Bots a scary story, but Tom and Crow are too jaded and aren't biting, until Joel produces the unrelenting terror that is Life's Little Instruction Book.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: While Dr. Forrester has an even scarier book, Frank introduces the time saving but rather cumbersome Quick Primp Kit styling station, where as Joel removes all the trouble from modern art production with the Mark Rothco Paint-by-Number kit.
Segment Two: Crow ordered some acting records as seen in the movie, they are called Co-starring with Scott Baio. Crow can't quite get into it though.
Segment Three: Inspired by the movie, Joel asks the Bots what they'd do with a four-hour layover in Chicago, but only Crow gets into the spirit. Rather too into it.
Segment Four: Joel hosts a writing workshop with the Bots using the supposed Merritt Stone method (he's not Merritt Stone!), but seems interested only in stories that reference, take place on or otherwise involve trains.
Ending Segment: Tom "Hercule Poirot" Servo has an elaborate process of elimination to settle once and for all the identity of Merritt Stone, he states Gene Roth is Merritt Stone.Unfortunately, things end up becoming much more confusing and Servo's head explodes. Down in Deep 13, Frank fares no better.
Stinger: The weird old one-eyed beatnik poet proclaims, "I am bugged!"
Review:
Excellent short that stands on it's own. A definite must watch. The movie wasn't that bad. Yeah it has some crummy actors, and yeah, the chase scene at the end sorta padded the film out, but I found it to be a bit better than some movies shown on MST3K.
Speaking of the riffing, the riffs flew strong and fast, and there were plenty laughs to be had. Not to mention the host segments were also enjoyable, especially Servo's final segment where his head asploded. This is definitely an excellent episode. 10/10
Favorite Riffs (Short):
Narrator: This is the story of Johnny.
Joel: A sad story.
*After Johnny wanders off from his parents*
Narrator: With 250,000 people here, how would we ever find him?
Joel: Johnny's parents decided to start life anew.
*Johnny wanders to a baseball game, where he inexplicably meets jup with Joe Lewis*
Crow: Joe hits up Johnny for fifteen cents due to tax problems.
*Johnny goes to a horse show, where the winner is announced*
Narrator: The winner is this white beauty.
*The judge jabs the ribbon into the horse's ear*
Joel: OOWWWW! MY EAR!
Crow: Jeez. The horse from Equus had it better than this...
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Joel (aside to Crow): His parents didn't abandon him, like Johnny's.
*The pony suckles on a horse, then immediately stops*
Crow (as pony): Whoops, sorry dad.
*Johnny wonders off to the next exhibit*
Narrator: Johnny can't read the words chemical wonderland...
Joel: Oh, we've all been there.
*While Johnny watches them make a rubber ball*
Crow: A whispery man hands Johnny a brown package. He whispers the first one is free!
Narrator: A little of this, a little of that, and lo and behold...
Servo (as Narrator): LSD!
*While watching the tightrope walkers*
Crow: Johnny distracts the tightrope walkers, and they fall to certain doom!
*Johnny wanders around the Fair some more, and jumps up and down in front of a funhouse mirror, creating a weird distortion*
Crow: The drugs from the Chemical Wonderland start to kick in.
Narrator: Oh boy! A helo-copter aeroplane! Jiminy, Johnny thought, if only I could get a ride in one of those!
*Later, Johnny meets Barbara Ann Scott. She kisses his cheek and he puts his head on her chest*
Crow: Jiminy, Johnny thought, if only I could get a ride in one of those!
*After Johnny's parents find Johnny*
Crow (as Johnny): ... and I met Joe Louis, and the Prime Minister..
Servo: Uhuh. Yeah right..
Favorite Riffs (Movie):
*Johnny gets off the phone with his "agent" and his wife doesn't understand why he has to leave at midnight. After talking to her, he convinces her to cook him something.*
Johnny: You know what they say. A hungry actor never gets a job!
Servo: I've never heard that.
*We see some beatniks, one (a woman?) dancing around.*
Servo: You know guys, if this was what beat was all about, I'd rather be a shallow posed boomer... Like you!
Joel: Hey!
*Mr. Tucker informs his new crew that they're gonna steal a million bucks.*
Johnny: Did you say steal?
Mr Tucker: Do you know anyone who's giving away a million dollars?
Servo: Ed McMahon?
Mr. Tucker: What is in a name? A writer of some nobility once remarked a rose by any other name would still have thorns.
Servo: Uh, I think you're misquoting...
*The Train conductor notices Miller writing on a typewriter, and decides to give him his life story*
Conductor: Everyone who's seen my memoirs has told me...
Crow: Shut up!
*An old lady walks out of the room while the conductor walks by, she's wearing night clothes*
Woman: Conductor..
Servo (as woman): I'm lonely.
*The "reverend" (Tucker) goes into Leland's room after his "suicide" (he killed him) The conductor shows him the suicide scene, and Tucker sits down next to the suicide note*
Servo: Sit on the evidence, why don't you?!
*The conductor walks into Tucker's room*
Crow: Merritt Stone, everybody!
Servo (yelling): HE'S NOT MERRITT STONE!
*Johnny chases down Tucker, but Tucker constantly gets away and knocks him out*
Servo: For a big guy, he's a lousy fighter. He keeps getting beat up by an elderly priest?
*After Johnny is arrested, the heist crew is dead, and the end credits are about the roll*
Servo: So uh, this all happened because Johnny got lost at the Fair?
Joel: Mhmm.
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Season Four Episode Twenty: The Human Duplicator Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Giant alien Dr. Kolos (Richard Kiel of James Bond fame, who briefly appeared in Magic Sword, and stared in a few other future episodes) is dispatched to Earth from a faraway galaxy on orders to create android doppelgängers by employing the scientific services of hypnotized cyberneticist Prof. Vaughn Dornheimer. This mission of colonization is thwarted not by the FBI agents, sent to investigate, but by him falling in love with the scientist's beautiful blind niece Lisa (Delores Faith, who later shows up in The Phantom Planet.) The film also stars George Nader (of Robot Monster fame) and Hugh Beaumont (From Leave it to Beaver and... Lost Continent ROCK CLIMBING!)
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots make suggestions to Joel about ways they could be improved. Gypsy wants a cab forward design, Crow wants to stay the same, unless Joel can give him more capacity to love, and Tom has a few absurd suggestions for himself.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads have the sillies because of their absurd invention, the William Conrad Fridge Alert Joel demonstrates his awesome-looking beanie chopper, which doesn't live up to expectations.
Segment Two: JatBs make spaceships from ordinary household items. Gypsy's shows her resourcefulness, Tom's shows his slackerness, and Crow's shows his workmanship, which is a "scale" model of the SoL. Joel makes one out of a bowling pin, tupperware sides, and lacorse helmet. Crow finds it idiotic, before realizing those are the parts that make him! They quickly go to commercial sign.
Segment Three: Tom Servo takes a cue from the movie and duplicates himself many times over. Things don't work out as planned when his duplicates refuse to do his bidding. Joel takes Tom away for a time-out when the duplicate Toms suddenly turn on an undefended Crow.
Segment Four: A grumpy government agent-esque Hugh Beaumont revisits JatBs via the Hexfield Viewscreen.
Ending Segment: The Bots come out of the robot closet after reading through Robot Nation. Joel is unsurprised. A letter is read and William Conrad actually shows up in Deep 13.
Stinger: Two doppelgangers are laughing as they choke each other
Review:
Richard Kiel is a lot of things. Lead actor, he isn't. The wooden acting was either a strange attempt at "implying" he was an android himself or.. Nah. It was just bad acting. This is why he doesn't talk in the James Bond movies, save for once. Aside from his acting, the movie wasn't too terrible.
I liked the riffing in this episode, though I think the riffing quality started to fall a bit near the end (especially after Crow's "I got riffed back" riff.) Maybe that was just me, though and others might enjoy the entire movie. The host segments were great for season four, so at least watch them. All around, good episodes, though there are better episodes from this season. 7.5/10
The people still paying attention knows what tomorrow's movie is. I'm going to have to sit through... Monster A-Go Go. Wish me well.
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Joel: Attack of the Christmas Ornaments from the 60s!
*The title screen comes up, but for some bizarre reason, is backwards*
Crow: Eht Numah Srotacilpud!
Servo: Huh?
*The title flips around*
Servo: Oh.
Crow: Well, that's different..
*Another shot of the flying Christmas Spaceship Ornament*
Servo (as terrible singing kid): S-A-N-T-A C-L-A-U-S! Hooray for Santa Claus!
*Kolos walks into a room where Lisa (who's blind) is playing he piano.*
Lisa: Thor? Is that you?
Crow: Oh she's blind? *beat* That explains the decorating.
Servo: D'oh!
*Lisa stands up and is going to lead Kolos to her uncle.*
Lisa: It's okay, I know where I'm going. I live here, and know every inch.
Servo: Thud. Oh, new inch.
*Dr. Munson steals a few things and escapes. A cop car goes to the scene of the crime*
Servo (as radio dispatcher): One item twelve, one item twelves, Government secrets stolen from the Motel 6.
*Martin talks to a detective, who provides some exposition*
Martin: Where are his (Munsen) files?
Detective: Across the hall. I'll show you.
Joel (as Detective): Next to the ice machine.
*Austin Welles, Martin, and Gale Wilson discuss Dr. Munson's bizarre death*
Welles: Alright Glenn. Suppose you tell me how a man who's been dead for several hours can drive a car up a mountain road, get out, and jumps off a cliff.
Crow: He's.. Jesus?
*Lisa is walking around her house, wearing all blue.*
Joel: It's kinda stuffy out here in the garden today..
Crow (as Mr. B Natural): Knew your father, I did!
*Glenn Martin talks up with Dr. Dornheimer to see if he can get info on professors going crazy.*
Glenn: I understand you often give advice to our leading scientists.
Dornheimer: I try to be of help. Knowledge should be available, those those that know how to use it.
Crow: Are they speaking in code?
Glenn: Your experience isn't available to all scientists?
Dornheimer: Certainly not!
Servo (as Dornheimer): I deny them my essence.
Dornheimer: Knowledge, especially advanced knowledge, should be entrusted to a select few, to superior minds.
Glenn: I see. A philosophy like that would leave a pretty wide gap of understanding, we'd end up in a civilization of extremes. The few that have everything, the many that have nothing.
Joel: Sounds like the Reagan/Bush years.
*Glenn and Gale are back home. Gale's asking Glenn some questions, but Glenn's not paying attention*
Gale: Glenn, I'm talking to you!
Glenn: Yeah, I thought so.
Gale: Say something.
Crow (as Glenn): Something.
Glenn: .. Something.
Crow: D'oh! I got riffed back on that.
*Glenn discovers that the Dornheimer he spoke to was a copy, and he is being attacked by his (also copied) butler. He throws him off some stairs onto his head and destroys him... This, after SHOOTING HIM AND HIM BEING FINE.*
Crow: Ah, slight design flaw.
Dornheimer: There you go Mr. Martin. Androids.
Servo: Not very good androids..
*Dornheimer has Kolos tied up and is giving him a filibuster about how androids are better*
Dornheimer: We have no feelings.
Crow: We're Republicans.
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Including the movie, and the KTMA Season, there are 198 episodes. Since I'm not watching the KTMA season (not sure if I'll watch the movie yet.) I think I'm going to be watching 176 episodes. The good news is I'm about halfway through with the series now.
Season Four Episode Twenty-One: Monster A-Go Go w/ short Circus On Ice Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Less about an actual on ice than a skating bit with a circus theme. Though if your cicrus includes a scene where deer are killed by hunters, then wow. Just wow.
The "Movie's" Plot Synopsis: Astronaut Frank Douglar goes missing from his spacecraft while it parachutes to Earth. No one knows where he is, except maybe for that tall pimple-ridden monster that has been attacking folks in the area where the spacecraft landed.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots have constructed a cheese factory aboard the SOL. They use Joel's sneakers to add a bit of extra flavor.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads and JatBs compete in an action figure contest, and if the SOL wins, they get to watch Local Hero. The Mads have Johnny Longtorso, whose body parts are each sold separately. Joel lets the bots show off their nonviolent, educational action figures: Tom's figure is Action Oxford, Gypsy's is Wilma Rudolph, and Crow's is a tapeworm (the doll is just a host organism). Impartial judge TV's Frank calls Deep 13 the winner.
Segment Two: Gypsy doesn’t get Crow. After trying to help her figure out why, she comes to the conclusion it's actually Tom she doesn't get.
Segment Three: Joel and Tom play "keep away" from Crow.
Segment Four: Joel tries to explain "The Pina Colada Song" to Crow and Tom. Nothing is resolved, except everyone agrees how much the song annoys them.
Ending Segment: Joel crowns Happy King Servo and knights Sir Giggles von Laffsalot Crow, but they're so despondent over the movie that there's just no cheering them up.
Stinger: The "monster" shambles about awkwardly.
Review:
Not much to say about the short. It's a Circus. on Ice.
This isn't a movie. A movie requires things like a plot, actors, budget, a way to make sense out of it. This has none of that. This is without question the absolute worst movie from Season Four, hell probably the worst movie ever to be shown on MST3K. At least a movie like Manos HAD an ending, even if it was a bit sleazy. This is a movie you can't sit through without Joel and the Bots. I tried, I made it to the halfway point before I gave up.
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Now, that isn't to say Joel and the Bots bring this back up to an awesome episode. They don't. I have never seen this movie in one sit through. I will admit to that. I had to spread this one out over several days, like spreading dog s*** on a pack of crackers. Even then, I could barely keep it down. It has been noted this is one of the few Joel era episodes where the Host Segments were intentionally not related to the movie, because the movie is about nothing. They are pretty funny though, but nothing saves this. The few good riffs don't linger around long enough to cover up the horribleness that is this movie. Maybe with a better opening short, maybe this would be a average episode, but no we didn't even get that. Only watch this episode if this isn't your first rodeo. 2.5/10
Trivia: The Johnny Longtorso name is a call back/reference to a riff made during Women of the Prehistoric Planet
Favorite Riffs (Short):
*As they are entering the theater*
Joel: You got your circus on my ice!
Crow: You got your ice on my circus!
Servo: Too bad things that go WORSE together.
*We get a shot of two women dancing ontop of podiums, wearing pink skirts*
Narrator: No circus is complete without pink candy floss!
Servo (Singing to the tune played): These two girls make quite a pair, they both come from your worst nightmare. They will haunt your soul forever and now when you see pink you're gonna think we're doomed. They are agents of Sat-
Joel (laughing): Stop that, Tom.
*A 'fawn' dances around on the ice*
Joel: You know guys, there's nothing sadder than a gutshot fawn.
Narrator: Suddenly, hunters approach. Frantically, the fawn tries to escape.
Joel: Suddenly, she darts across the highway!
*Crow and Tom make honking noises, followed by a car crash effect*
Narrator: Now the spotlight falls on a world of delicate loveliness.
Crow: And kills them.
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*The opening theme sounds very familiar. Because of that, Joel and the Bots hum the theme to Hawaii Five-O, then we get a shot of someone stumbling around.*
Servo: Elvis has staggered out of the building!
Narrator: Observers reported a strange object had fallen to the earth.
Crow: It was a coke bottle.
*Officers and a helicopter pilot are looking for the object that fell. The helicopter pilot is barely understandable through the radio.*
Crow: Take the kazoo out of your mouth!
Joel: This was when NASA as just a car and a helicopter.
Servo: Storefront in a strip mall.
Joel: And a vacant lot.
*The officers stumble upon a bizarrely tiny "spacecraft"*
Narrator: Without question this was the capsule that put Douglas in orbit, and without question Douglas was gone without a trace.
Servo (through fits of laughter): Douglas was pear shaped, very short, and stood the whole way.
*After The General and Dr. Manning land and meet up with a few officers, they decide to go somewhere for dinner. We get a cut to a go go bar, I guess. We see a woman dancing about and her "assets" shaking*
Servo: Why General!
Crow: Oh, they decided to go to Shakey's!
*The soundtrack of this "movie" is little more than a few strings plucked in the most uncreative and unpleasant way possible*
Joel: What is this, Chinese water torture?
*Dr. Logan decides to do research by wandering around in a field.*
Crow: Now there's a man out standing in his field!
Servo: D'oh!
*After getting a shot of the monster, Frank.*
Joel: He's sort of a lumpy fella.
Servo: In all the wrong places.
*We get shot of Col. Connors office, more specifically his phone. The "phone" (read: the actor) produces a phone sound*
Joel Unbelievable. *the bots are laughing*
Col. Connors: Col. Connors. Yes.
Servo: I made that phone noise.
Joel: You know, four movies went into the making of this film.
Narrator: There is one terrifying word in the world of nuclear physics.
Servo: Oops.
Narrator: Radiation.
Servo: Oh.
*As the heroes stumble around looking for the monster*
Narrator: As if a switch had been turned, as if an had been blinked, as if some phantom force had made a move eons ahead of our comprehension.
Servo: As if we cared.
Narrator: Suddenly, there was no trail.
Servo: Huh?!
Narrator: There was no giant, no monster. No thing called Douglas to be followed.
Servo: The hell?
Narrator: There was nothing in the tunnel but the puzzled men of courage who suddenly found themselves alone with shadows and darkness.
Crow: There was no dignity for anyone who worked on this film!
Servo: This was a test. If this was an actual movie, you would have been entertained.
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My absolute favorite riffs from Monster A-Go Go are both from Tom Servo. The "He was pear shaped, very short, and stood the whole way" line, and the "One devastating word in nuclear physics" "Oops." line. For some reason, I could have sworn up and down the "oops" riff was near the beginning, when actually it's near the very end of the movie. Odd.
Edit: Also, looking back at my own ratings, it appears the only movie that got a rating worse than Moster A-Go Go was Robot vs. Aztec Mummy which I gave a 2/10. The problem with that movie was that it was a terrible movie shown during Season One. Had that movie been riffed on in the third or forth season, i think it would've been far better. So, yeah.
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The only one of those I haven't seen is The Dead Talk Back. Hobgoblins is a great episode that I can't wait to review, and The Phantom Planet is pretty good from what I remember, though not that great.
I wish I had a few episodes on DVD. Gotta love Youtube!
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Season Four Episode Twenty-Two: The Day the Earth Froze w/short Here Comes the Circus Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: The circus is in town! Watch clowns scare you in ways you never imagined!
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Finnish hero Lemminkäinen woos the fair damsel Annikki. When an evil witch named Louhi kidnaps Annikki in order to compel her brother Ilmarinen the blacksmith to build a Sampo, Lemmi and Ilm travel to the witch’s lair to rescue the maiden. Ilm builds the Sampo, then he and Anni return home. Lemmi tries and fails to get the Sampo from Louhi. Lemmi returns home. Lemmi and Anni get married. Lemmi’s attempt to steal the Sampo has angered Louhi, so she steals the sun, plunging the world into frozen darkness. Lemmi’s village bands together to bombard the witch with the music of sacred harps, which turns her to stone. Lemmi releases the sun and everyone rejoices!
Host Segments:
Prologue: It's family portrait time, and Crow and Tom just aren't cooperating. Crow won't wear his new dress slacks (which Joel bought for him in Killer Shrews), and Servo is being rude. They take the picture, but it's messed up.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots continue to misbehave. JatBs show off Snack-tion, treats based on various ninja weapons, such as ninja throwing cookies and the Five Ladyfingers of Death. The Mads have invested Frank's retirement money in Unhappy Meals, fast food meals that contain unfortunate surprises. Alas, they haven't sold as quickly as Dr. Forrester had hoped. Frank isn't too happy about it.
Segment Two: Inspired by the short, The Bots discuss putting together their own twisted clown act, which turns out to be extremely deranged. However, Joel gets the last laugh.
Segment Three: JatBs discuss what a Sampo might really be. They come to the conclusion they shouldn't worry too much about it.
Segment Four: Gypsy performs her amazing one-woman show: "Gypsy Rose...Me!"
Ending Segment: The Bots pretend to be imprisoned wind in bags similar to the movie while Joel reads a letter. Joel reads a letter and leaves them in their not-so-nice smelling bags. In Deep 13, Frank puts himself in a bag to sulk about his money, and Dr. Forrester cuts him loose.
Stinger: "What’s going to become of us now?!"
Review:
A huge step up in quality over the previous episode, though bizarrely both involve a Circus short. This is the better of the two, in my opinion.
The movie is one of several movies from Russia/Finland that is seen throughout the series (the others being Jack Frost, Sword and Dragon, and Magic Voyage of Sinbad) If you've seen any of the movies, you know these are some pretty far our there movies that make you wonder if the makers were on drugs at the time.
While it is strange, it was also really enjoyable. The riffing during the first half of the movie was pretty damn hilarious, and Crow's Bullwinkle impression was pretty spot on. The host segments were really funny, especially The Mad's invention exchange. This really gets the taste of Monster A-Go Go out of you mouth. 8.5/10
Favorite Riffs (short):
*At the circus, a man is giving out prizes to kids. One of the kids is on an older man's leg. The older man looks like someone pretty famous.*
Servo: It's Thomas Edison, and his electric child!
*We get several different shots of a hobo clown who doesn't do anything... but eat.*
Crow: All he does is eat?
*While a clown does acrobats*
Servo: Store this image away for a later nightmare!
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*The clown from above is joined by another clown, as they do some bizarre things on the high bar.*
Servo: They're doing it clown style!
Crow: And Madonna thinks she's innovative!
Joel: Oh, please tell me this isn't happening!
Crow: More! More! Yes, I'm a bad clown.
Servo: Yes, children's windows of perception are open only for a second to take in the horror that is the circus.
*Two clowns are boxing. The bell ringer (also a clown) rings the bell. I.. really don't need to go into much more detail than that.*
Servo (As bell ringer): Hoho! Time for the nightmare to begin!
Joel: This is the weirdest debate format I've ever seen.
*We see a liontamer... Taming lions*
Narrator: The greatest lion tamer in the world...
Crow: Is not here.
Favorite Riffs (movie):
Narrator: Throughout history, people have listened to he storyteller.
Servo: Against their will.
*shot of the female lead*
Narrator: This is Annikki.
Joel: Annikki in the UK?
*Lemmi (not that one) is using a log as a ship as he paddles around a river. He runs across Annikki*
Crow: My other log's a redwood.
*Anni runs up to her blacksmith brother Ilmarinen.*
Anni: Ilmarinen!
Ilm: Annikki..
Crow (as Ilm): You shaved your beard.
*The evil witch Louhi watches Anni and Ilm though magic*
Servo: Help me Obi-Wan Kenobi, you're my only hope.
*Ilm and Lemmi go on a quest to save Anni. They meet up with some old guy.*
Ilm: Manihani. My sister was stolen.
Crow (as Mani): Well, was she insured?
*Ilm and Lemmi, on the words of Mani, cut down a large ancient oak tree.to get to a boat or something.*
Crow: Is there another wise man we can talk to?
*We transition to where the tree's almost cut down*
Servo: Eight years later.
*After knocking the tree down*
Crow: Hey, no boat!
*random shot of a bear*
Servo: That's my scratching tree, you jerks.
*We cut back to Ilm and Lemmi*
Joel (as Mani): Not that tree...
*Ilm and Lemmi are given a challenge by Louhi. Ilm decided to build a horse(?) for the challenge.*
Louhi's Troll Henchman: You shouldn't allow him to build that horse. He'll be sure to plow the field and take Annikki. They'll refuse to make us a Sampo.
Louhi: Have patience. They won't be able to carry her away.
Crow (as Louhi): Now slip into that Stable boy suit and meet later down by the stables.
Servo: Heheh, yes mistress.
*We see a shot of Ilm's and Lemmi's new iron boat, which has a moose's head as a mast.*
Joel: They're roasting Bullwinkle!
Crow (as Bullwinkle): Save my Rocky!
Servo (as Rocky): Again?
*The boat rides down a cliff, into the water*
Servo: When log flumes go horribly wrong.
Joel: You may get hurt on this ride.
Servo (as Newscaster): There's a flaming moose blocking traffic on I-35 W northbound..
Crow (as Bullwinkle) Will somebody please put me out? I seem to be on fire!
*Louhi's minions are helping Ilm make the Sampo.*
Servo: I hate this school lunch program.
Crow: Water's considered a vegetable.
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Season Four Episode Twenty-Three: Bride of the Monster w/short Hired! Pt. 1 Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Mr. Warren hires a new worker in Jimmy, a good salesmen in other businesses who seems like he can go far in in car selling. To test out his new employee, Jimmy goes door-to-door selling cars (... without a car to demonstrate.) Unpredictably, he fails. Warren, oblivious to how dumb his plan is, goes to his father for advise. His father, a hard boiled salesmen in his day, is starting to grow delirious and demented in his old age. Will he be able to help his son!?
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Dr. Eric Vornoff (Bela Lugosi) is experimenting with nuclear power with the help of his mute assistant, Lobo (Tor Johnson) Their residence is guarded by a giant octopus of Vornoff's own creation which lives in the surrounding swamp. The Octopus has killed local townspeople. Reporter Janet Lawton investigates further, becoming a prisoner of Vornoff in the process. The police eventually follow, led by lieutenant Dick Craig, who is also Lawton's boyfriend. Meanwhile, an official from Vornoff's home country, Professor Strowksi, arrives and tries to persuade him to return to their homeland in hopes that his research will benefit their nation. Will Vornoff return? Will Lt. Craig find his girlfriend? Will Ed Wood show up in a dress!?
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel connects a machine to Crow's brain to see what he dreams about. It involves money, Gypsy, and Tom Servo in a candystripe nurse outfit (what he was wearing in the "real world".) When Crow wakes up, he starts to weird out.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads are having a fight, giving the Mads the perfect opportunity to demonstrate their Tough Love Seat. JatBs have Microwave Faith Popcorn, predicting all of the trends of the future!
Segment Two: JatBs perform "Hired! The Musical".
Segment Three: JatBs begin by discussing the octopus from the film. Somehow the conversation wanders to cold tater tots and olive loaf. Everyone is grossed out and confused.
Segment Four: Willy the Waffle returns, this time to defend advertising.
Ending Segment: Cambot re-edits the ending of the movie so it makes more sense, with JatBs playing Bela’s part. They read a letter. The Mads pretend to be Bela and Tor. Frank is disturbed.
Stinger: Close-up on poor old Bela’s crazy eyes
Review:
I've mentioned before that Hired! is one of my all time favorite shorts. Shame they didn't decided to pair this up with Monster A-Go Go. I know I keep talking about it, but believe me, it's bad. Bride of the Monster doesn't need this short to make it better, that's for sure.
While it's no Plan 9, this is still a bad flick. With strange continuity problems, Fake Shemps, and well the fact that it was made by Ed Wood, you know you're in for a bizarre ride. It falls into that So Bad It's Good territory where Joel and the Bots make a hilariously bad film better with the riffing.
The riffing and host segments are really strong, especially the prologue where Crow dreams of Nurse Tom. It was also nice to see the Willy the Waffle Sprite again. It's pretty clear that they wanted to riff Case of Spring Fever, but simply couldn't. Overall, this is a good episode with lots of entertainment value. 9/10
Favorite Riffs (short):
*While reading the opening intro*
Crow: Hired? That's not something you heard much during the Bush administration.
Servo: The sequel is titled Hired 2: Laid Off.
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*Mr. Warren hires Jimmy. For some reason, both men are sitting on the same side of the desk*
Mr. Warren: You joined us with a fine reputation in other lines.
Crow (as Warren): Now get back on your side of the desk.
*Jimmy is ready to work, but Mr. Warren isn't so sure*
Warren: First, you gotta know your product. Here's some things you wanna do before contacting.
Joel (as Warren): Here, put on this jewellery.
*After Jimmy does some reading, he goes ... door-to-door selling cars*
Crow (as Jimmy): Honey, I got a job, can I come in, please?
*After several shots of Jimmy at a few doors, with no success*
Joel (as Jimmy): Guess I shouldn't have tried to sell cars in Amish country.
*After seeing Jimmy fail several more times*
Joel: There's like a sign on every door now. We have a car, we have a car..
*After talking to Jimmy, Mr. Warren looks at some records, or something.*
Servo (as Warren): I didn't know he had a prison record. Says here he's wanted in Idaho.
Joel: What in the world..? Assault with a deadly weapon!?
Crow: aka the Pantsless Salesman, or the Piddling Peddler!?
*After a hard day at work, Mr. Warren goes to his parent's place. Old Man Warren is lightning up his pipe.*
Crow (as Warren): Uh dad.. You're lightning up my son's bubble pipe.
*Warren's mom walks out to give them some refreshments, she stares at Warren, then leans down to talk to Old Man Warren*
Servo (as Warren's mom): Who's the doughy man on our footsteps?
*The two men chat it up for a few minutes, about Jimmy and Mr. Warren's problems*
Crow (muffled, but loud): Hey, keep it down over there!
Mr. Warren: He's had a good thorough basic training. I don't have time to play nurse maid with the salesmen.
Old Man Warren: Maybe not son, but I wouldn't know about that.
*Warren slaps a fly off his arm*
Crow: That's how you handle a salesmen!
Favorite Riffs (movie):
*While reading the opening credits*
Servo: Tor Johnson? Time for go to bed!
*Two characters knock on a supposedly empty house*
Servo: No, we don't want a Chevorlet!
*Dr. Vornoff goes back to his lab, and changes coats*
Servo (to the tune from Mr. Rogers): It's a sinister day in the labratory, a sinister day in the lab.
Joel: Hey, it's Dr. Clayton Forrester. Heheh.
*Lobo brings reporter Janet into Vornoff's house. She wakes up briefly.*
Vornoff: What you need now is rest.
Joel (as Janet): Rust?
Vornoff: Rest...
Joel (as Janet): Rust?
*Prof. Strowski pulls up in the swamp, and pulls some notes out of his pocket*
Servo (as Strowski): Let's see.. Scene 12. Pull into view, exit car. Remember you're German (now with a German accent), Oh German! Yes German. Oh yes. I'm exiting car und I'm German. German as I can be! hoo-hum.
*Strowski goes to Vornoff's place, and enters. There's a continuity problem*
Crow: Hey, the door change!
*After Tor tries to kill Vornoff, Vornoff awakens and attacks Tor. At least, it's supposed to be Vornoff (aka Bela Lugosi)*
Joel: Hey, he's wearing platform shoes!
*Crow starts laughing at that*
Crow: This is Bela's best scene, and he's not even in it!
*Lobo hits "Vornoff" with a glass bottle*
Servo: Come here, come here. this is what I'd do if Bela was here!
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Season Four Episode Twenty-Four: Manos: The Hands of Fate w/short Hired! Part Two Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Mr. Warren learns through his father that Harry, his former boss, showed him the ropes to be a good salesmen, and that he should do the same. His father's dementia kicks in partway through, and he starts swatting at invisible thigns, and puts random things on his head. Regardlessly, Mr. Warren follows his father's advice and much to the surprise of everyone, it works! Jimmy and Henderson are far better salesmen.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Michael (Hal Warren, also director/producer/etc and hopefully not related to Mr. Warren in the short) and Margaret are going for a weekend trip with their little girl, Debbie and their dog, when a wrong turn takes them to a weird little lodge in the middle of the desert. It's run by The Master who is bizarrely gone from this world but still around, but it's being taken care of by Torgo, a strange man with large knees and the knack for Confederate uniforms. Mike demands Torgo allow them to stay in the lodge, Torgo doesn't like that idea but allows them for some reason. Things just get worse for Mike and his family as we learn The Master has many wives, and wants Margaret as well. In the end, Torgo is maimed, the puppy pummeled, and Mike the new caretaker of the Lodge.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel has installed a chip in the Bots that makes everything he does seem brilliant, but it quickly gets on his nerves.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots are more than a little upset about the whole chip thing. In Deep 13, the Mads invent the Chocolate Bunny Guillotine, while on the SOL Joel introduces the Cartuner to combine two boring comic strips into one funny strip. Sometimes, Joel makes inventions the world actually needs.
Segment Two: JatBs recreate the opening driving scene from the movie when they are pulled over by Officer Gypsy, but Cambot's failure to stop the blue screen footage pushes them over the edge. Joel points out that they survived Monster A-Go Go, they can survive this. Frank apologizes for the movie.
Segment Three: JatBs discuss exaggerated features that make for a horrifying monster, but can’t agree if Torgo counts as one. They propose scarier looking monsters based on exaggerated or missing body parts.
Segment Four: Joel dresses as the Master and Crow is his hellbeast, but Tom isn’t impressed; he thinks Joel looks like Maude and his face is too friendly. Dr. Forrester apologizes for the movie.
Ending Segment: The Bots reenact the woman's fight from the movie to cheer Joel up. In Deep 13, Frank ordered from Torgo’s Pizza over two hours ago. Torgo finally shows up, but accidentally leaves their pop in the car. Frank disturbingly notes the pizza is still warm.
Stinger: Makeout Girl: "Why don’t you guys leave us alone?"
Review:
Undoubtedly this is one of the most popular and greatest episodes of MST3K. The thing is, it almost didn't happen. The writers thought this movie was way too weird to riff on, but at the end of the day, they figured the world needed to see this, and boy were they right. Let's start with the short though.
The short is one of my favorites, as I stated yesterday. Honestly, how current was this short when it was made? It doesn't seem like something that'd appeal to any sort of audience. Hired! (both parts) definitely stand on their own, and if you need a quick laugh, I'd recommend looking it up on Youtube.
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*Torgo sneaks up on Mike and Margaret while they are staring at a portrait of The Master, and uses the hand part of his cane to touch Mike*
Joel: Oh, that's the playful side of Torgo!
*Pepe, the family's dog, is killed. Mike and Margaret have a hard time telling Debbie.*
Debbie: Pepe?
Joel (as Mike): Listen, you never had a dog. Never. I want you to stop this foolishness about a dog!
*Torgo and Margaret chat it up.*
Margaret: I'll be glad. I've had enough of this place that I want.
Torgo: The Master wants you.
Margaret: Wants me? What kind of talk is that?
Crow: Why it's oily sleezy talk.
*Mike runs in as Debbie lays down on a couch*
Mike: Hey Maggie the damn car won't start.
Servo (as Debbie): That's a real b****, daddy.
*Debbie disappears by going in a room while her parents are talking. Margaret and Mike look for her. Margaret peeks into one room for a second, then goes on*
Crow: After a thorough search of the first room...
*The cops run off the makeout couple a second time*
Servo (as Cop #1): Think we should try some of that kissing, Burt? No?
Joel (as Cop #2) Mm-mm.
Servo (as Cop #1): Okay.
*The Master has awoken, and is trying to get his wives up*
Master: Arise my wives! Adhere the will of Manos!
*Gilligan Cut, and Master is sitting down with the most bemused look on his face, as his wives talk to each other*
Crow (as Master): What was I thinking?!
*The Master's wives start fighting for... padding? I dunno*
Servo: I sorta wish this was shirts versus skins. Heheh.
*Same scene as above*
Servo: I'm guessing THIS is the main reason this movie was made. Right here.
*The Master walks in on Torgo sleeping.*
Servo (as Master): Torgo, you are the laziest man on Mars.
*The Master wakes up Torgo, and Torgo takes his time getting up.. and stands there.. and does nothing.. and... Uh.. Nothing. For about a good thirty seconds.*
Joel: Do SOMETHING!
*Near the end of the movie*
Servo: You know, there are certain flaws in this movie..
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Oh Manos. One of the worst movies ever put onto film, ever. Yet, it's so hilarious that people love it compared to say, Monster A-Go Go. Why? Well, it's simple really. For one thing, this actually had an ending (albeit a terrible one.) Another thing, this isn't two movies in one. A third thing, and most importantly. It had Torgo. Torgo is easily one of the best characters ever shown on MST3K. The strange walking/knees, the bizarre speech patterns, the whole thing about him just reeks of hilarity. It's probably why he made quite a few appearances in subsequent episodes.
Other than Torgo, this movie is a terribly hilarious mess. The editing is awful, all the actors are voiced by the same four people, the movie just looks grainy as hell, and the opening driving sequence is so pointless that you'll at first question if the movie is better than Monster A-Go Go. This is what happens when you get someone with zero experience about movies to make a movie.
The riffing (and host segments ) are phenomenal. This movie is terrible enough as is, but it needed the right delivery of riffs to make this episode unforgettable, and they hit a grand slam. If the riffing had fallen short for this one, it wouldn't have worked, but they gambled on it, and it paid off perfectly. Damn near every riff is hilarious, along with the host segments. A must watch for any fan of the series. 10/10
Favorite Riffs (Short):
*Warren and his father go down memory lane about Harry*
Warren's Father: Remember how close he worked with you the first year? He used to tell me about it.
Servo (as Father): He ripped you a new one every day!
Warren: But I always thought he did it because he knew you so well. He had a personal interest in me.
Father: Nonsense.
Joel (as Father): He hated you!
Father: Not Harry
*Warren's Father immediately swats at invisible flies*
Servo: He's having an episode!
Father: He worked that hard with every man he ever hired.
Crow: He got sent to jail for it.
*Warren's father goes back at swatting away flies*
Joel: Ah! Flying Elves are back!
*Warren's father puts a handkerchief over his head*
All: Ah!
*Warren talks about Jimmy's poor prospects*
Warren: The first thing Harry drilled into me...
Crow: Was Harry!
*Warren's Father makes a point Warren hadn't noticed before*
Warren: I'm beginning to see what you mean..
Servo: I'm beginning to sober up and you're scaring me!
*Warren is in a meeting with all his salesmen*
Joel (as Warren): We're going to have leadership like my old man told me. You put a handkerchief on your hread. You swat at imaginary elves. You rock on the porch all night!
Warren: Sales are the most important thing in this business.
Servo: Seeing as how we're salesmen and all.
*Warren and Henderson meet up with one of Henderson's prospects, and drives him around in the car*
Servo: Meanwhile, Elliot Ness and his Untouchables head for a speakeasy in Burwin.
*The prospect changes seats with Henderson in the car during a cut*]
All: Ah!
Joel: Centaur gets the most sales because he's a shape shifter.
*Warren and Jimmy try to sell their cars (note the plural) to a Mr. Milton.*
Warren: We want you to be a regular customer too, Mr. Milton. In fact, we hope you'll buy your next ten cars from us.
Joel: TEN CARS?!
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Overall, I'd say I did enjoy season four, but there were more duds here than season three had to offer. It's odd looking back at the third season and seeing a lot of episodes I still remember pretty well, then looking at this season and thinking "huh, I don't remember a damn thing about that episode."
Don't get me wrong, there are excellent episodes sprinkled in this season, but there's also a few duds. There were also weaker shorts . I'm not a fan of film serials/TV shows used as shorts. They don't have quite the impact as one of the goofy educational short you'll typically find. Maybe it's just me?
Well, with all that said and done, let's look at the rankings for the season!
Here are the rankings for season four: T-1st. Teenagers From Outer Space 10/10 T-1st. Tormented 10/10 T-1st The Rebel Set w/short Johnny at the Fair 10/10 T-1st. Manos: The Hands of Fate w/short Hired! Part Two 10/10 5th. Attack of the the Eye Creatures 9.5/10 T-6th. Space Travelers 9/10 T-6th. Hercules Against The Moon Men 9/10 T-6th. Bride of the Monster w/short Hired! Part One 9/10 T-9th. Hercules Unchained 8.5/10 T-9th. The Day the Earth Froze w/short Here Comes the Circus 8.5/10 11th. The Beatniks 8/10 T-12th. The Indestructible Man w/short Undersea Kingdom Part II 7.5/10 T-12th. Fire Maidens of Outer Space 7.5/10 T-12th. The Human Duplicator 7.5/10 T-15th. The Magic Sword 7/10 T-15th. Hercules and the Captive Women 7/10 T-17th. The Giant Gila Monster 6.5/10 T-17th. Attack of the Giant Leeches w/short Undersea. Kingdom Part 1 6.5/10 T-19th. The Killer Shrews w/short Junior Rodeo Daredevils 6/10 T-19th. Manhunt in Space w/Short General Hospital Part One 6/10 T-19th Crash of Moons w/General Hospital Part 3 6/10 T-22nd. City Limits 5.5/10 T-22nd. Being From Another Planet 5.5/10 24th. Monster A-Go Go w/ short Circus On Ice 2.5/10
I've also done the season averages as well, so I can see overall how the seasons did. The only surprise I saw was how high I rated Season Two. Though there weren't many outright bad episodes that season.
Season Averages:
1st. Season Three: 8.3/10 2nd. Season Four: 7.6/10 3rd. Season Two: 7.5/10 4th. Season One: 5.7/10
I'll be back Monday to start Season Five. Here's hoping Season Five is as good as three and four!
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I find the "educational" shorts to be more humorous as well. Shorts that are like small episodes throw me off. Besides, it's easy to joke about educational videos.
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Season Five Episode One: Warrior of the Lost World Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: The Rider (Robert Ginty, aka the Guy from Paper Chase) arrives on his advanced motorcycle with its artificial intelligence computer Einstein. He crashes but manages to pass through the 'wall of illusion' and is found and brought back to health by the Enlightened Elders. They have chosen him to lead their fight against the evil Omega, an Orwellian state run by the evil Prossor (Donald Pleasence, of James Bond and Puma Man fame). The Elders are allied with the resistance movement, the Outsiders. The Rider first helps Nastasia and the other Outsiders by rescuing McWayne, Nastasia's father and leader of the Outsiders. While the Rider and McWayne successfully escape, Nastasia is captured and tortured by Prossor.
The Rider gains acceptance from various Marginals (amazons, martial artists, truckers, punks, soldiers, Omega defectors) by winning in the ritual brawl which determines who is the strongest. The Rider and the Outsiders launch their final attack on Prossor's regime, but are intercepted by the Omegas and a giant armored truck, called Megaweapon. As the rebels destroy the Omega patrols with their cars, helicopters and tankers, the Rider manages to destroy the Megaweapon by short circuiting it, but not before his speedcycle is destroyed under the truck's wheels. The Rider and McWayne storm Prossor's headquarters where they face the dictator and a brainwashed Nastasia. She wounds the Rider, but when ordered to kill her father, she rebels, turns on Prossor and shoots him instead. The Omega has been overthrown and the Outsiders and Marginals celebrate as the Rider prepares to move on with his repaired speedcycle.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Servo gets to do the formal welcome speech on behalf of the SoL crew, but Crow is bound and determined to ruin it.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Servo apologizes for making Crow eat his speech. Crow's cool with it. The Mads have created the Square Master, a special excercise mat which maximizes potential. JatBs have Bittersweet Hearts, candy hearts for adults. They feature phrases like get out, still mad, you'll do and weird face.
Segment Two: Joel turns the Bots into a giant slot car set. Crow rules the road, but Servo has some major design flaws.
Segment Three: We see what the apocalypse would be like if the Warrior of the Lost World hadn't got his driving permit yet and was forced to save the world in the back of his mom's Vista Cruiser station wagon.
Segment Four: JatBs discuss what outrageous things they'd do after the apocalypse, after seeing today's apocalypse in this movie.
Ending Segment: The Bots lament the loss of Megaweapon, but a phone call from their hero puts them at ease. Joel reads a letter from a couple of kids whose dad claims to have paid ‘good’ money to have seen many of the movies you ‘rip’ on. The Mads enjoy an active lifestyle thanks to the Square Master.
Stinger: The Paper Chase Guy checks out Persis Khambatta.
Review:
A Mad Max ripoff. Not the first one shown on MST3K, and I don't think it's the last. The lead in this flick sounds reminds me of Tommy Wiseau from The Room. He mumbles a lot, has a strange accent, and for some reason, is the lead. There really isn't much to say about this. It's a bad Mad Max ripoff in a sea of other bad Mad Max ripoffs.
The riffing though was pretty good, to say the least. They did a good job of keeping an otherwise forgettable film entertaining, so you can't say anything about that. The host segments were enjoyable, and overall this was a nice start to the season. 8/10
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*We get a faraway shot of The Rider driving closer to the camera*
Crow: Who are you?!
Joel: High Plains Loser.
*We get shot of a moving road, from the viewpoint of The Rider*
Joel: Check this out.
*Joel stands up and acts like he's running on the road.*
*The Rider goes into the old freeway, Joel and the Bots do the theme from Sanford and Son*
Crow (as Fred): Grady! The Paper Chase guy is here!
*The Rider takes his eyes off the road and watches as some punks he outran stop and yell at him. He runs into a cliff. We then get an inside shot, where he apparently survived*
Crow: Hangar 18.
*The Rider and Natasia are trying to inflitrate the evil Omega empire, or something.
Natasia: Whatever you do, show no emotion.
Joel: Oh, he can do that.
Joel: You know, when you make a low budget sci-fi movie, you can film it almost anywhere.
Crow: Yeah, land of eggs plant.
Servo: Deserted carpet warehouse.
Joel: Yeah, some field in Ohio.
Servo: An old quarry.
*Rider and Natasia start walking up a spiraling staircase*
Crow: Now they're in a car ramp. Case in point.
Joel: Yeah, or they're in a 1960's Methodist Church that's under construction.
*After Rider and Natasia save Natasia' father, all three start shooting up the mooks. Joel notices Natasia's father looks vaguely like someone else*
Joel: Jimmy Carter: Missing in Action!
*The Professor pleads with Rider to go back and get his daugther. He tells him no*
Rider: Let's see what this baby can do.
Servo: This baby can go back and pick up his daughter.
*A shot from inside the copter flying around, Joel and the Bots hum Ride of the Valkyrie.*
Crow: Kill the wabbits.. Kill the wabbits..
*During a Brawl, The Rider throws a short person, who immediately runs and goes back to where he was*
Joel: He hit Little Jake!
*Also, during the brawl, we see a lot of different gangs of hats, including martial artist, bikers, lumberjacks, and.. others*
Crow: There's like eight different movies being filmed here.
*Shot of a bunch of bikers and rebels ready to attack the evil government*
Joel: They're all heading for Sturgis, you know.
*The Megaweapon destroys Einstein, Rider's scrappy talking bike. Joel and the Bots rejoice*
All: Yay! Megaweapon! Megaweapon! Megaweapon!
Servo: Make it last Megaweapon, make it last!
Joel: Our long national nightmare is over!
*The bike slowly dies*
Crow: He tampered in God's domain.
*Natasia, apparently making a face heel turn, shoots the Rider.*
Procor: Now, your father..
Joel (as Mr. B Natural): Shot your father, I did!
*The Rider decides to leave*
Natasia: I'm not sad you're leaving.
Joel (as Natasia0: I'm thrilled
Natasia: I know you must.
Crow (as Rider): Actually, I'm not leaving.
Servo (as Natasia): But you must go.
Crow (as Rider): I can stay..
Servo (as Natasia): No no, I insist.
*Rider and Natasia make out, Crow notices she's wearing a wedding ring.*
Crow: Hey, she's married!
Servo: Wait a minute...
*We see The Rider driving off into the sunset, doing a bookend*
Crow: Who were you?!
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Season Five Episode Two: Hercules Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Hercules (Steve Reeves), demigod and superman, arrives in the ancient Greek kingdom of Iolcus to tutor Iphitus, son of king Pelias; immediately on arrival, he falls in love with the king's delectable daughter Iole. Before he can win her, he must succeed in a series of quests, in the course of which he teams up with Jason, true heir of Iolcus, whom he accompanies on the famous voyage of the Argonauts.
Host Segments:
Prologue: It's Casual Day on the SOL, so the crew wings the opening. It's a rather subdued affair.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Dr. Forrester has created the cellular desk to live his job. He gives Frank a performance review that doesn't look too good. JatBs come up with Instant Karma; pour contents into a bowl, add water, and enjoy your reward or punishment.
Segment Two: Crow wonders about the ancient Greeks and their constellations. Servo creates new constellations updated to modern tastes such as the Ham Sandwich, the New Christy Minstrels, and Guernica. Crow creates another one in response: a pencil.
Segment Three: As Joel enjoyes Capt'n Ron cereal, the Bots attempt to clear up how many members the pop group Hamilton, Joe Frank, and Reynolds had.
Segment Four: Crow does his own one-robot show tribute to Gene Rayburn and the Match Game.
Ending Segment: The Bots discuss the advantages of having Amazons on the ship. Joel tries to clear up the Bots misconceptions until some visit (Mary Jo Pehl and Bridget Jones) by minivan on the Hexfield Viewscreen. Frank takes control of the cellular desk and mocks Dr. Forrester.
Stinger: "He’s like something out of a bad dream!"
Review:
This movie is notable for being what kicked off the sword and sandal genre in the 50's and 60's, especially in Italy. Steve Reeves (who played Hercules in the sequel Hercules Unchained) was probably the best of all the Hercules, though that really isn't saying much. This wasn't a horrible movie, but it wasn't that great, either.
The riffing was great, like it was in the other Hercules films. Unlike how he would be portrayed in future movies, Hercules isn't much of a lazy sleeper, though I guess that was a good thing. The host segments were pretty funny as well. The new constellations bit was pretty funny. All in all, another good episode. 8.5/10
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Season Five Episode Three: Swamp Diamonds w/short What To Do On a Date Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Short's Plot Synopsis: Nick wants to take Kay out on a date, but isn't sure what they'd do. Chum Jeff tells Nick to take her to a community center thing, and things go well, despite how dull it is. Kids from the 50's were easily pleased.
Movie's Plot Synopsis: A plucky police woman infiltrates a group of hardened female criminals who are planning to break jail and retrieve their loot of diamonds from its swampy hiding place. Complications arise when the women abduct Bob Matthews and his lady.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots obsess over the Spock in Love episode of Star Trek instead of helping Joel crunch numbers.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Joel finally snaps the Bots out of it by mimicking Captain Kirk.. The Mads have The U-View, letting you watch yourself on TV to see what you’d be doing if you were not inside watching TV. JatBs come up with the Andrew Lloyd Webber grill, which they gleefully use to burn the scores of Cats and Phantom of the, as well as Chess and Annie, even though he didn't write those.
Segment Two: Joel is doing a few songs on his guitar, which Crow finds less than interesting. Tom, inspired by the short, wants to date Gypsy. Joel and Crow ponder if it is a good idea.
Segment Three: Servo calls Gypsy to ask her out and completely screws it up. Gypsy finally agrees, if Servo promises to leave when she tells him she wants to go.
Segment Four: Tom and Gypsy go to a scavenger sale arranged by Joel and Crow. Tom checks in with Joel, who gets carried away making sandwiches. Crow makes a move on Gypsy while Tom is gone.
Ending Segment: Servo thinks the date went over well, but a quick call to Gypsy reveals she just wants to be friends. Tom doesn't take it very well as Joel reads a letter from a couple who sends the gang a wedding invitation. In Deep 13, Frank sees more of his life in the U-View, but ends up despairing over his love of Baywatch.
Stinger: "Ssssssssshut up!"
Review:
Great short, great riffs, great host segments, mediocre movie. The short is one of my favorites, so I knew that'd be great coming in. I was surprised to see that most of the host segments were related to the short, which has to be a first.
The problem with the movie is that it's so dull and predictable. There riffing is good, but for the most part it was just a bore to get through. At least the rest of the show helped making this a relatively decent episode. 7.5/10
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Crow: I need to know what NOT to do on a date! Haha.
*While reading the opening credits, they see Evelyn Duvall (ph.D) was a consultant for this short, of the National Council on Family Relations.*
Servo: She has a ph.D in dating?
Joel: This is like having your mom telling you about sex.
*Jeff and Mick walk into Nick's house*
Joel: No you can't inject puberty. It has to happen over time.
*Jeff reads through Nick's book, and see he has Kay's number in there*
Jeff: Hey, what about asking Kay to come to the community center on Friday to fix up that scavnger sell. We can make it a double date./
Crow (as Nick): YOU LOOKED IN MY BOOK, DIDN'T YOU?!
Nick: What?
*Nick starts walking down the steps, while holding a tennis racket. Joel and the Bots do the Psycho theme song*
Jeff: You heard what I said.
*Nick calls Kay, and while he's waiting for her to pick up*
Nick (to Jeff): What if she says no?
Joel (as Jeff): She will.
*After Kay agrees to go to the community center*
Nick: I can't believe a girl like that would go to a place like that for a date.
Joel (as Mick): With a loser like me.
Nick: Where's my racket?
Servo (as Mick): I wanna spank myself.
*After Nick and Kay have a good time fixing the center up*
Narrator: Yes, it was a good idea to come here.
All: At first.
Narrator: How does Jeff get ideas like that?
Servo: From the voices in his head.
Favorite Riffs (movie):
*Reading the opening credits, seeing it was directed by Roger Corman*
Joel: Oh Roger Corman. This is gonna go hard down, guys.
*A shot of a woman and man making out after the opening credits*
Crow: Apparently they saw the how to date short.
*During a padding shot of the parade (Mardi Gra?)*
Servo: Here's a novel idea. Have the parade stay still and the crowd move. Another idea by Konglamgo.
*After several more pointless shots*
Joel: This looks like home movies of my parent's wedding.
*In what appears to be a completely different movie, a bunch of female prisioners escape. As they jump out of a window from the second story, we see a shot of them landing on their legs*
Servo: Huh. Why am I thinking about Joe Theisman?
*After getting drunk, the escaped convicts cut their pants into short shorts*
Joel: The purpose of the movie is finally revealed.
*After Bobby kisses Hampton (who's an undercover cop)*
Crow: Next time, we'll kidnap Ernest Borgnaine (Ugh, believe me. You DON'T want to do that.)
*Vera has abducted Bobby, and is up a tree scouting a way out of the swamp. The other three women decide to stop her. Hampton distracts Vera, and she shoots her gun... straight, not down.*
Crow: What, is she expecting the bullets to fall on her?
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Season Five Episode Four: Secret Agent Super Dragon Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: When an old colleague is killed, Secret Agent Super Dragon comes out of retirement to investigate a case of poisoned chewing gum that leads inexplicably to an international crime syndicate planning to take over the world with psychotropic drugs smuggled in phony Ming vase.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots build a robot named Minsky, and Joel assumes that its annoying and repetitive behavior is just the opening act of its capabilities. He's wrong.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Joel is about to destroy Minsky, but the Bots stop him.. Or do they? Down in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester is away at a class reunion. Frank is flying solo and comes up with Virtual Comedy. Dr. Forrester returns in time to inject a bit of realism to Frank's virtual stand-up gig. JatBs show off Micro-Golf, a very small version of golf.
Segment Two: Tom's jazzy "Secret Agent Super Dragon" theme certainly isn't commercial and is mildly repetitive, but Joel knows just how to spice it up.
Segment Three: JatBs read through Crow's latest screenplay: "The Spy Who Hugged Me", a sensitive 90's style film.
Segment Four: JatBs discuss the vital nature of spy-movie post-kill puns. Crow quickly gets tired of Servo's bad puns.
Ending Segment: Dr. Forrester has a supervillain conference call with the Satellite of Love, teaching the basics of starting up your own supervillain franchise.
Stinger: Henchman jumps Super Dragon, complete with xylophone accompaniment.
Review:
This was one of the first Eurospy James Bond knockoff flicks shown on MST3K, and let me tell you this was one stinker of a movie. The acting was rough, the plot nonsensical, and the dubbing bad. In other words, perfect riffing material!
I thought the riffing in this movie was very superb. The goofy plot was ripe for riffing, and they did not disappoint. I loved the bit where the hero was smacking around and interrogating Ross the gum salesmen. That is just an absurd job to have. The host segments were great, and I did enjoy the new bot Crow and Servo made. The whole supervillian bit was great as well. Overall, excellent episode, and the best episode thus far from this season 9.5/10
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Season Five Episode Five: The Magic Voyage of Sinbad Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Sinbad arrives in his home city Copasand to find a vast social gap between the wealthy merchants of the city and the lower-class citizens. In an attempt to even the playing field and bring happiness to the people, Sinbadko makes a bet with the merchants that, if he can catch a golden fish from the sea, they will give him the keys to their storehouses.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The 3rd annual SOL-tie awards are held. Crow and Gypsy present the award for "Best Performance by a Red Gumball Machine-Looking Robot in a Funny Situation". It goes to Crow; Tom Servo calls a fix.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots discuss how it's really an honor just to be nominated, but not really. The Mads introduce the latest disturbing fashion trend: Chinderwear for cleft chins. JatBs invent the Rat Pack chess set to honor "the closest thing royalty our great nation has yet produced". Explaining the rules is extremely complicated, but it's okay because Frank Sinatra can move "wherever the hell he wants to".
Segment Two: The Junior Jester Club cavorts, but realizes they may have to dissolve the chapter when they can't agree on a meeting date.
Segment Three: Persia's bearded town council debates the Sinbad problem. The Honorable Mr. T. Robot keeps pointing out "he's not Sinbad", but the Honorable Mr. Servo wants Sinbad held for his disruptive ways. The Honorable Mr. Rosnibon wants more water.
Segment Four: After being inspired by the movie and sneaking out of the theater, Crow disappears. Joel and Servo search desperately over the ship before finding a note announcing Crow's life-long quest. They then receiving a radio transmission and find out isn't going so well; after launching himself out an airlock, Crow's thrusters are out of control and he keeps running into the Satellite of Love. Joel leaves an airlock open, hoping Crow can make his way back in.
Ending Segment: The Bots, especially Gypsy, are amazed by Joel's channel cat puppet, but Crow and Tom drive themselves crazy coming up with complicated reasons for its existence. Joel sets the puppet down to read a letter. Frank meets Mr. Fistie.
Stinger: A creepy laughing horse.
Review:
You know how they say that some movies were made on drugs? This has to be one of them. This was one weird movie. Of course, it should be expected for some weird Russian flick or whatever it is. Obviously, this movie has nothing to do about Sinbad and his voyages. That's really the fault of the American Film Right Distributors, who didn't want parents to know this was made in Soviet Russia.
The riffing here was pretty good, though I've heard better. The host segments were good, as usual. Overall, good episode, but not great. 7/10
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Season Five Episode Six: Eegah Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: While driving through the desert, a teenage girl (Manning) is frightened by a 7-foot giant who appears in her path. After escaping, she returns to the site with her boyfriend and her father in an attempt to find the giant. They do, and it proceeds to terrorize them and the rest of Palm Springs, California. By the way, watch out for snakes!
Host Segments:
Prologue: Servo tries to bring Crow's temperature down to absolute zero. Joel realizes it will probably kill all of them and tries to rescue Crow, who is so brittle from the cold he falls to pieces when Joel touches him.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Joel patches up Crow, who is a bit worse for wear. Servo is getting high on all the glue. For the invention exchange, JatBs play their rebuilt Pork-orinas which was used to create the incidental music in rural-themed shows. In Deep 13, Frank is late for his ice-dancing lesson, and drives Dr. Forrester just batty enough to inspire the mad doc to replace Frank's blood with radiator fluid. It's not too good for Frank.
Segment Two: JatBs talk about the full-service gas station from the film and their disappearance in recent years. This leads them into a discussion of the many subtle forms hell has taken in the last few decades
Segment Three: The Bots play doctor and alter Joel's face to look like Arch Hall Jr. with their sinister device. But Joel doesn't want to look like Arch Hall Jr...thank goodness for anesthetic.
Segment Four: While making Jiffy Pop, JatBs ponder why most 1960's sitcom families were run by single dads. Crow points out they aren't much better off.
Ending Segment: The Bots feel dirty after watching the movie, so they take a hot refreshing show while Joel reads a letter. Dr. Forrester and Frank get into a fight over Frank's blood
Stinger: Robert: Fake it. Roxy: That's what I've BEEN doing. Now I'm getting sick!
Review:
What a terrible yet hilarious movie. This movie sort of reminds me of Manos: The Hands of Fate or Robot Monsters in terms of sheer awfulness. The budget is almost nonexistent, the audio goes from somewhat okay to obviously done in a room with an echo, the visuals stink, the plot was bad, and there were some things that were almost sickening to watch... Trust me. This movie was made to be riffed on.
The question is: did Joel and the Bots knock this one out of the park? Yes. They did. I found the riffing here to be some of the best of the season. Servo seemed to have gotten the best riffs this episode, or at least all the riffs I got came from Servo. Crow and Joel got some good ones in, but it seemed like all the good riffs were written for Servo. Aside from the riffing, I found the Host Segments to be good as always. Overall, this is another homerun for Best Brains. 10/10
Trivia: The movie was filmed in the same locations as Robot Monster, and Eegah's cave is Ro-Man's cave, only at a different angle. (This makes a throwaway riff by Riff far funnier than it should have been.)
Favorite Riffs:
*Eegah holds a dead deer as he stares down Roxy's car*
Joel (as Eegah): Found this in your grill, that's probably what was causing all your trouble.
*Eegah stares into Roxy's car*
Servo (as Eegah): So, you had a root beer and a side of fries with that?
Joel (as Eegah): Yeah. can't go with that. Not much leg room.
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Season Five Episode Seven: I Accuse My Parents w/short The Truck Farmer Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: The Truck Farmer reveals the untold story of the advances modern age that allows vegetable farming to supply the needs of the American public all year round.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Ignored by his irresponsible alcoholic parents, naive high school student and essay writer Jimmy Wilson finds work in a shoe store. After falling in love with lounge singer Kitty Reed who he meets on the job, Jimmy tries to earn extra money to impress her by doing jobs for her mob-connected boss/boyfriend, somehow unaware he is doing anything illegal. After one of these jobs goes bad, Jimmy ends up on the run. Eventually, he must confront the truth, his past, and his parents.
Host Segments:
Prologue: With the aid of some pink paint, Tom Servo's wish of becoming a real boy, has come true. But it's not all it's cracked up to be. Apparently the Bots thought on Pinocchio Syndrome have changed in the last five seasons.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads try Cake 'n' Shake, an instant stripper in a cake mix, but Frank accidentally baked the stripper inside, while JatBs invent the junk-drawer organizer. It would go with with the junk drawer starter kit.
Segment Two: Asking the bots to draw their families, Joel psycho-analyzes the results. It's not good news.
Segment Three: Inspired by the movie, JatBs get Gypsy to help them reenact the nightclub scene from it.
Segment Four: What's wrong with Jimmy? JatBs dig deep into the troubled boy's psyche.
Ending Segment: JatBs reenact the cafe scene from movie, though Crow and Tom choose to switch Jimmy's gun for a tank, and read a letter, while the Mads have finally finished digging out Rodney the stripper.
Stinger: "What? What's so funny? asks Jimmy’s mother, as Jimmy’s father laughs at her ridiculous hat.
Review:
The short was pretty funny, though there are far better out there (hell, far betters ones are in this season!)
The movie was pretty goofy. It was one of those bad scare'em straight flicks with a stupid plot and bad acting. It's like Reefer Madness, only not as ridiculous.
The riffing was really good, especially during the movie. This was another movie that felt like it was made to be riffed on, and it didn't disappoint. I would definitely recommend this episode. 9/10
Favorite Riffs (short):
*We see a tractor mowing down forest to make for farming*
Servo: Thousands of acres of rain forest are cleared away. Who cares?!
Crow: Stupid trees. I hate them.
Joel: Early tractor pulls. Not that much fun. This is the freestyle competition.
Crow: Don't see many of these trees anymore. Oh well, down it goes.
Servo: The sad thing is this guy doesn't even work for anybody. He's just doing it for kicks.
*We see tractors planting seeds for crops*
Servo: Remember ot use lots and lots of chemicals for good crops.
*While discussing chemicals and how they're used to get rid of weeds*
Narrator: Here in Texas, there's an additional problem
Crow: Texans.
*A shot of workers in the fields*
Narrator: Mexicans cross the border on temporary work permits, help.
Crow: They make it sound so nice.
*We see a shot of a girl working*
Joel (as Narrator): A preteen is put to work. Her beauty will soon fade.
--
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*While workers pack up carrots and push down an assembly line*
Narrator: The finished box is passed along on a series a roller directly to a refrigerated railroad car, where it is loaded immediately.
Servo (as Narrator): Then sent back to the farm and put back in the ground. It makes no sense whatsoever!
*Near the end of the short*
Joel: Wait a minute, has anyone seen a truck yet?
Favorite Riffs (movie):
*While reading the opening credits*
Joel: Sam Newfield? He directed Jungle Goddess..
Crow: Oh well... That... AAAAHHH!!!
*We see the outside of a court, that says Part IV on it*
Servo: Part IV: Citizens on Patrol!
*The Judge wants James to say something in his defense in court*
Jimmy: Well, sir. I don't know if I should say this, but.I accuse my parents.
All (celebrating): Yay! We have a title!
*After Jimmy wins an essay contest and runs home*
Joel (as Jimmy): Oh boy, oh boy, after 11 years in high school I finally won...something!
*Jimmy's mother shows up at school drunk.*
Student: Hahaha. She's drunk!
Crow (as Student): It's funny!
*A woman who looks vaguely familiar looks on*
Woman: It's shocking.
Joel: Eleanor Roosevelt is pissed.
*Jimmy goes to get a job at a shoe store*
Owner: Ever sell shoes before?
Jimmy: No sir.
Crow: A young Al Bundy.
*After Jimmy gives a girl named Kitty a free pair of shoes, he goes to her show to watch her. A waiter gets his order*
Jimmy: Bring me two champagne cocktails
Waiter: Two?
Jimmy: That's right.
Joel (as Jimmy): Yeah, and put them in one of those big Slurpee glasses, too.
*Mr. Blake, a bad guy Jimmy's been working with, visits Kitty (who's fallen in love with Jimmy) and tells her to break it off (cause he loves her.. or something.) He's hiding in her closet while Jimmy shows up.*
Crow (As Mr. Blake): Hey, where'd you get these golf clubs?
Servo (as Kitty): Shh!
*After Kitty tells Jimmy off, he leaves*
Servo (as Jimmy): Goodnight Mr. Blake.
Crow (as Mr. Blake): Night Jimmy. D'oh!
*We see Jimmy standing outside at night*
Crow: He's taken to selling his essays cheap on the street.
*After Jimmy is beaten up by a few gangsters and runs home*
Jimmy: Mom! Dad!
Joel (as Jimmy): I won the get the crap kicked out of you contest!
*Jimmy packs some things and is about to run away. He gets out a pen and paper and is about to write something down*
Joel: Jimmy is suddenly seized by an essay idea!
*Jimmy decides to rob a diner. However, he starts to have seconds thoughts when he realizes Al, the diner owner, a swell guy*
Al: Give 'n take, that's my system. Share what you got, you'll never want. I've had a lot of guys come in here broke. Never sent them away hungry...
Crow (as Diner Owner): Got them piled out back.
--
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Season Five Episode Eight: Operation Double 007 Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: The evil crime syndicate Thanatos is bent on taking over the world using a magnetic wave generator that will cause all metal-based machinery to grind to a halt. However, the well-known British secret agent normally assigned to such tasks isn't available, so they engage his civilian brother, Neil (Connery), to help. Connery is a world-class plastic surgeon, hypnotist, and lip-reader, which turn out to be precisely the skills required for thwarting Thanatos
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel had all of his old home movies transferred to video and Tom Servo is enjoying them a little too much, which scares Crow.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Crow attempts to take care of the videos, though Joel has duplicates. In Deep 13, Frank is feeling rather depressed so Dr. Forrester allows him to do the Invention Exchange, resulting in Lederhosen-hosen. Frank realizes what he really wants is to be Bavarian. Crow invents Sara the Bobbin' Buzzard, complete with catchy theme song! Joel and Servo aren't impressed.
Segment Two: Joel pretends to be the evil supervillain from the movie, forcing the Bots to dress up like the hot shiphands from the film. His only response to the Bots' complaints? "I know..."
Segment Three: JatBs puts on the segment "The Sean & Neal show: Parallel Lives", which compares the lives of the two Connery siblings according to the gang's ponderings. Sean's ahead of Neil for most of it, until Sean did Highlander 2.
Segment Four: Joel attempts to hypnotize Tom, having already succeeded with Crow. Back in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester allows Frank to play a song on an accordion. Torgo finally returns to deliver the Mr. Pibbs, though Frank ordered a different drink. He gives the Mads some coupons, and asks to use the restroom.
Ending Segment: Inspired by the movie, Dr. Forrester. uses his own magnetizer on the SOL, causing the Bots to stick to the wall and disrupting international telecommunications. He's also had enough of Frank's personal crisis.
Stinger: Thayer pushes the button.
Review:
There really isn't much I can say about this movie. It's a knockoff of the James Bond franchise using some of the actors, the brother of the best James Bond, and with a fraction of the budget. While do all the actors use their actual name instead of.. a sound alike or expy of their character names? That's just freaking unusual. This whole move is a mess.
The riffing of the movie is pretty good, but I've seen better. I dunno, I just really couldn't get into the riffing here. Yeah, there was some funny riffs, and yeah this is one of those movies that needed to be seen to believe, but I just can't help but think they didn't deliver in some way. Hell, the only notable thing about this episode is Torgo's reappearance/brick joke (which was hilarious.) It's not a bad episode, but there are better, especially in this season. 6.5/10
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*While entering the theater, and listening to the theme music*
Servo: Hey, Assault on a Queen.
Crow: The Danny Bonaduce Story.
*We see a few women working as the crew for a ship. They're wearing sailor outfits (no, not THOSE outfits)*
Joel: Suddenly, I'm hungry for Cracker Jacks and I don't know why...
*During the opening theme (yeah, this thing is pretty damn long, and I can barely understand it)*
All: Hooray for Santy Claus!
*We get a shot of inside the ship, where the Thayer is watching TV... on a naked woman*
Servo: Huh. If William Conrad were there, they could watch a letterbox version!
Crow: If he wants changes the channel, does he get a different woman?
*Thayer goes to a security cam that's spying on.. something. Joel spots a bit of fridge logic*
Joel: Wait a minute. How come he gets color on his girl, but only black and white on his TV?
*Dr. Connery is showing slides of a patient of his to some businessmen. I guess*
Connery: Two weeks ago the patient you see here, Miss Yasuko, sustained first and second degree burns.
Servo (as Connery): At my hands.
*Dr. Connery talks to Commander Cunningham and Miss Maxwell (M and Moneypenny from the other films) about Yasuko, and a picture of a man*
Connery: It's Ward Jones. He was planning on marrying her.
Joel (as Connery): Then I showed up.
*Dr. Connery and Miss Maxwell are looking for Yasuko. They find her body. At least, they think they do.*
Connery: This is not Yasuko.
Servo: There was no Yasuko!
*Durin a fight between Thayer's women (dressed bizarrely) and soldiers, the background music sounds very reminiscent*
All: Gamera! Gamera!
*After the women strip into some more bizarre attire, and make a float out of their vehicle, we get a quick cut to Thanato's headquarters, where everyone's looking around confused*
Joel: The hell was that?!
*Dr. Connery shows up at Thayer's party, and after Thayer offers him a job in plastic surgery, some of the women show up with food*
Joel: Rocky Mountain Oysters?
*Dr. Connery is reading the lips of Thayer and his henchman*
Servo: Remember folks, he cna read lips. He is reading lips now.
*A bunch of blind people (and Dr. Connery) are led to weave rugs or something*
Servo: So, any of you sure play a mean pinball?
Joel: Wait a minute. It's the blind leading the blind, leading the blind, leading the blind, leading the blind, leading the blind, leading the blind... Leading the blind.
*We see an obvious shot of Dr. Connery*
Crow: Oh yeah. I'm blind.
--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.
Season Five Episode Nine: The Girl in Lovers Lane Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Danny, son of a wealthy family, is running away from home. He meets Bix Dugan, or "Big Stupid," a long-time drifter, who agrees to "mentor" Danny. Danny's naivete leads him to commit gaffe after gaffe, leaving Bix to straighten things out. But when they stop at a diner in the next town, Bix finds himself attracted to the waitress, Carrie, and is forced to reexamine his whole drifting career. Meanwhile, Jesse, the local bum fellow, goes around creeping the main characters out, while everyone else insists he's harmless... OR IS HE?!
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Bots attempt to give themselves belly buttons. Joel is initially against the idea (mostly because of the drill press involved), but finally relents.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots contemplate their navels. The Mads present evil baseball promotion night ideas, such as Colorless Odorless Toxic Gas Night and Slide Whistle/Brass Knuckle Night. Joel and the Bots have Doc Martens for Don Martin, complete with nutty sound effects.
Segment Two: JatBs sing their own train song, What a Pleasant Journey in the vein of Boxcar Willie.
Segment Three: The Bots plant some money and a pinball machine on the SOL bridge to try to trick Joel into reenacting the alley fight scene from the movie. He doesn't buy it, so they accost him anyway.
Segment Four: Tom and Joel attempt to do the old trick that sucks an egg into the milk bottle when Crow comes by to do his Jack Elam impression. He only wants to deal with Gypsy. Joel and Tom aren't impressed.
Ending Segment: Furious about the extremely depressing ending of the movie, the Bots devise new, happier endings. Joel reads some letters as the Bots continue to ponder their new endings. In Deep 13, Frank writes a new ending as Dr. F delivers a moment of pain using a sledgehammer and a railroad spike.
Stinger: The prostitute in the bathtub says, "Are you waiting for a bus?"
Review:
The name isn't exactly relevant to the movie, is it? I guess the Drifters would be more appropriate, though Stupid and Danny only drift to one place the entire flick.. Eh. At least it sounds better.
The movie proper wasn't all terrible. The plot is actually somewhat interesting, and Jack Elam (Jesse) is a recognizable fellow in this movie. Still, it wouldn't hold up that well on it's own, and I feel JatBs help keep this moving.
The riffing here was extremely hilarious. The running gag of calling Bix "Big Stupid" was pretty hilarious. The host segments were also good (especially Crow's impression of Jack Elam.) All in all, great late-Joel era episode. 9/10
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http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.
*A man, Danny runs away from two other men, and jumps on a train*
Joel: Sir, we just want to punch your ticket!
Crow: Damn Jehovah's Witnesses!
*After being beaten up, Danny is put on a train by another man. After he gains conciousness, they start talking*
Man: What's your name?
Danny: Dan Wilson.
Man: Bix Dugan
Joel: Big Stupid?
*Dan wakes up Bix from a sleep to ask him a question*
Dan: I was just thinking, since you don't care where you go just as long as you keep moving, why can't we travel together?
Servo (as Big Stupid): Well, I've killed a bunch of drifters, and you could be next.
*We get an outside shot of the train, as it moves steadily closer to the camera*
Crow (panicked): Uh, Camera three get off the track. (yelling) camera three get off --
All:AH!!!!!
*The drifters are picked up by a truck driver8
Big Stupid: What town we going to?
Joel: Funkytown.
Trucker: Sherman. A nice little town.
*Cut to waitress Peggy's butt as she dances around*
Crow: I'll say! No ifs, ands, or buts!
Servo: Two moon junction! Woo-hoo!
*We see a shot of a cop looking at Peggy.*
Joel: That's real nice ma'am, but you're still under arrest.
*Big Stupid and Danny go to a diner and talk to one of the employees. He's not very helpful*
Big Stupid: Can you get back here with a menu before the food goes bad?
Crow (as Employee): The food's bad already.
*After Carrie takes the drifter's order and leaves for the kitchen, they talk for a second or two. However, we get a cut in the film and they immediately have food, but it looks like Carrie is just now walking back out for the first time*
Crow (as Carrie): Oh you have your food already. How'd you do that?
*Big and Carrie go to a lake and chat it up. Stupid asked her to wear a yellow dress, but she didn't have one.*
Carrie: Pa doesn't know very much about girl's clothes..
Crow: There's so much you could say to that..
*Big Stupid goes to a brothel to look for Danny (cause some dumb waiter guy sent him there with a girl he was flirting with). When he gets there, he sees an attractive woman in the bathtub. She tells him to turn around so she can get out.*
Servo (as Big Stupid): What did I come in here for? Danny who?
*During the same scene*
Crow: Joel, when I grow up, I wanna be a drifter!
Servo: How does that towel stay in place?
*After Big Stupid takes Danny out of the brothel*
Joel: Once again, Biggy takes Danny away from a heterosexual experience.
*Carrie and Big Stupid go back to the lake, and stare up to the sky*
Stupid: See that?
Servo (as Stupid): Boom mike. Picks up everything we say.
*Jesse, the odd fellow that stays in Martin, has been stalking Carrie. After Big Stupid leaves her, he shows up, and starts acting aggressive around her*
Joel: He's taking on a Torgo quality.
Servo: Very Torgo-esque.
*Danny calls his parents after running away from them*
Danny: Dad?
*Servo makes a phone hanging up noise, followed by the ringtone*
--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.
Season Five Episode Ten: Lassie: The Painted Hills w/short Body Care and Grooming Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: A short that tells you, college age students, why you should stay clean.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: After years of prospecting, Jonathan finally strikes gold. He returns to town only to discover that his partner has since died, leaving his son Tommy fatherless. Jonathan decides to leave his faithful dog Shep (Lassie) with Tommy to cheer him up. Meanwhile, Jonathan's new partner, Lin Taylor, isn't interested in sharing the gold and lures Jonathan to his death. Shep immediately deduces what's happened, so Lin poisons the dog. Shep barely pulls through and pursues Lin to a climactic confrontation
Host Segments:
Prologue: Crow is Jay Leno, complete with oversized chin, Tom Servo is his musical director, and Gypsy and Joel are the audience. Crow proves to be far funnier than the actual Jay Leno.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Dr. Forrester presents the Cholester-Do All, a device that harnesses the power of Frank's heart to power various electric appliances. JatBs demonstrate Back-talk, a device that records regular old memos backwards, inspired by backwards masking. Alas, the combination of fatty foods and appliance power drain finally sends Frank into cardiac arrest as Dr. Forrester sends the movie.
Segment Two: The Bots have a formal debate about the attractiveness of the slovenly young woman in the short. Crow represents sloppy and Servo prefers her cleanliness. Joel decides Crow is right.
Segment Three: JatBs present term papers on bearded guys who resemble the prospector in the movie. The highlight is Crow’s strange and poorly-researched paper on Rutherford B. Hayes.
Segment Four: Tom has crushed and melted Crow into an ingot, thinking he is made of gold, but it turns out he's essentially worthless when broken down into his base components.
Ending Segment: JatBs judge Lassie's vigilante actions in the movie. Joel defends her, while the Bots attempt to bring her to justice for her crimes. Joel finally points out human laws don't apply to animals. Back in Deep 13, Dr. Forrester tries and fails to revive Frank.
Stinger: The Body Care and Grooming girl flirtatiously hangs up her towel as she gets into the shower.
Review:
The short (the final of the Joel Era) is a pretty funny one that assume high school/college age students don't know anything about personal hygiene. Actually, a few folks from my college should probably watch it... It's an alright short with a few good riffs.
I remember watching the Lassie TV show when I was a kid, and I'm pretty sure I've seen the movies. I think I might have actually watched this movie once unriffed. It's not a terrible film considering it was a kid's film. There are some anachronism in it (an 19th American family with a Christmas tree?) but for the most part, it's not an outright terrible film. There has been far worse shown on MST3K.
That being said, there are a fair amount of good riffs in this movie. The movie, being a family film, did lead to some pretty hilarious riffing (Pilot Pete snooping around Jonathan's house was pretty hilarious to me.) The host segments were pretty funny as well. Crow's history report of Rutherford B. Hayes is probably the most recognition that President has gotten in years. Overall, this is another good episode. 8.5/10
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http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.
*We get a shot of a disheveled young lady staring into her book, while a guy is looking at her*
Narrator: You don't seem exactly the type to make this guy act like a human being.
Joel (as Narrator): You know, to grope you and paw at you.
*The guy starts to walk away, but the scene is reversed, and he sits back down*
Narrator: Let's start all over again.
Joel: And show new ways to shame her!
*We get a shot of a classroom and look at various students attire. The narrator points out a flaw in a woman's attire*
Crow: Expressing individualism is just plain wrong!
*We get a shot of a woman putting stuff on her face*
Narrator: In addition to soap and water. There are other ways to keeping good skin. One of these is cleansing cream.
Servo: The other is nitric acid. Choose wisely.
Favorite Riffs (Movie):
*Reading the opening credits*
Joel: Lassie is back, and she's pissed!
*The crusty Prospector Jonathan and Shep (Lassie) go into town after finding some gold. The first place they visit? A saloon.*
Joel (as Jonathan): Eggnog, make it a double.
Bartender: Well, Jonathan! How you doing? Merry Christmas.
Servo (as Bartender): Get yer dog outta here.
*Bartender holds up a bottle of liquor*
Bartender: How bout it, on the house?
Jonathan: Nope.
Bartender (to Shep): How bout you pup?
Joel (as Shep): Jim Beam. On the rocks.
*Jonathan comforts Tommy (who cried the second he saw Jonathan, even though we are told he hasn't cried)*
Tommy: Don't tell anyone I bawled, Jonathan. Please!
Jonathan: I promise to Christmas
*scene cut as Jonathan enters the living room*
Joel (as Jonathan, loudly): Hey everybody! Tommy's in there crying like a little girl.
*After Jonathan gives Tommy Shep, Shep starts to feel ill, so they send Shep to a Native American animal doctor. The first shot we see is of a puppy sitting in a chair*
Joel: They shaved Shep and that's all that's left!
*Tommy takes Shep back to Jonathan, who has been sick. Taylor is there, and they are eating. While Jonathan rambles on about his gold claim*
Jonathan: Vein hadn't pedied out in a week. I've been working up stream, hadn't been worth a man's time. I'll show you. Tommy. Go over there by the shelf.
Servo (as Jonathan): Grab the tea pot and come after me.
Jonathan: Slide that chest out. The board underneath will lift up.
Joel (as Jonathan): Get my magazines out.
*Inside are two bags of gold*
Jonathan: Take'em out.
Crow (as Jonathan): Then you go in there and shut the door.
Servo (as Taylor): Is there a point to this?
--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.
*We see an older guy who shuffling around Jonathan's property. Turns out, it ISN'T Jonathan.*
Servo: They're being ransacked by Tom Bombadil. (Damn Tom, I didn't know you needed the cash to finace your TEW habit.)
*Taylor finds the crusty old guy and throws him out of the house. Jonathan, Tommy, and Shep show up*
Jonathan: Taylor! What are you doing?
Servo (as Jonathan): Don't shoot my doppleganger.
*As forgiveness, Pilot Pete is offered to eat dinner with the group.*
Pete: Two things I love more than all else: gorgeous mountains and Lord's sinners. I spend my time in one looking for the other!.And I sure find them!
Joel (as Pete): I'm a lawn gnome in the summertime!
*Pete is saddling his donkey to go back to whatever he does*
Jonathan: Pete.
Crow (as Jonathan): Give me my underthings back.
*On Pete, as he starts to leave*
Crow: So this guy comes in, stops the plot, then leaves?
*After Taylor throws Jonathan off a cliff. Shep shows up and is staring at Taylor*
Taylor: What's the matter with you?
*Shep looks off to the side*
Crow (as Shep): Mr. Weatherwax? What the matter with me here?
*Taylor tries to kill Shep by poisoning her, and sending her to the wilderness. Shep falls over and is well.. Let's just say BRIAN BLESSED wishes he could overact this much*
Servo: Boy is she milking this thing!
Joel: Oh don't you chew the scenery! Drop it. Drop it!
*Taylor decides to chase Shep out in the very cold mountain area. He finally traps her and is about to shoot her, but his gun freezes.*
Joel (as Jonathan): Wait a minute. I've hit absolute zero, and I'm still walking around. How'd I do that?
--
http://www.gamefaqs.com/boards/8-gamefaqs-contests/61035294 - My MST3K Watchthrough topic.