Overall, I really enjoyed the third season. Yeah, there were a few weak episodes here and there, but compare the rankings of this season to the ones of season one and two. A lot of that can be compared to both the higher budget MST3K had, and the group of writers finally getting in the groove of how to write for the show.
Yeah there were some funny episodes early on, but this is about where the show grew the beard. Joel and the Bots are consistently funny (and more talkative) in the theater, the host segments have gone from the weakest part of the show to usually the funniest portions of a certain episode, and the actors are slowly evolving more into their characters. Here's hoping Season Four is as good as this season.
Here's the rankings for Season Three:
1. Cave Dwellers 10/10 2. Gamera 10/10 3. Pod People 10/10 4. Fugitive Alien 10/10 5. Santa Claus Conquers The Martians 10/10 6. The Amazing Colossal Beast 9.5/10 7. War of the Colossal Beast 9.5/10 8. Time of the Apes 9/10 9. Earth vs. The Spider 9/10 10 Master Ninja I 9/10 11 Master Ninja II 9/10 12. Gamera vs. Barugon 8.5/10 13. Gamera vs. Guiron 8.5/10 14. Gamera vs. Zigra 8.5/10 15. Star Force: Fugitive Alien II 8.5/10 16. The Unearthly 8.5/10 17. Gamera vs. Gaos 7.5/10 18. It Conquered The World 7.5/10 19. Teenage Cave Man 7.5/10 20. The Saga of the Viking Women 7/10 21. Stranded in Space 6.5/10 22. The Castle of Fu Manchu 5.5/10 23. Daddy-O 5/10 24. Mighty Jack 4/10
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Crow: Oh, this is the basic cable version of Marooned.
*The rocket starts liftoff*
Joel (As Countdown Guy): Oh, I meant to say clear the launchpad, d'oh!
*The rocket lifting off looks rather.. familiar.*
Servo: An $8 Million dollar movie, and they STILL use stock footage.
*The characters repeat each other by saying "all spacecraft systems are go" three times.*
Crow: So all spacecraft systems are go?
Servo: That's the idea.
*Buzz Lloyd (Hackman) tries to take a picture outside of space, but loses his camera*
Crow: Millions of dollars spent on the space program, and NO one thought of camera straps.
*"Stoney" Stone sees some weather disturbances*
Stoney: Looks like it'll be a hurricane.
All: Subplot, subplot, subplot!
*Charles Keith (Gregory Peck) discusses plans to help the crew with other NASA officials*
Keith: The President will issue an appropiate message...
Servo: Then he'll vomit on some Japanese people.
*Ted Dougherty wants to talk about a potential rescue mission.*
Ted: I want to talk about a rescue mission.
Crow (as Ted): In my underwear!
*The astronauts take some pills to sleep, to save oxygen. Buzz doesn't seem to quick to take his.*
Crow: Quit looking at it and eat it!
Servo: He's crushing it in the cleft of his chin!
*A random shot of one of the scientists smoking*
Joel: You know, in those days you were required to smoke.
*Buzz talks to his wife, for what they think is the final time. Buzz might be losing it.*
Buzz: I broke the washing machine and... I didn't know how to fix it.
Servo: Is he Maytag Repairman all of a sudden?!
*Buzz is going crazy, screaming at Ground Control*
Servo: He thinks he's Shatner all of a sudden!
*Ground Control has a plan to rescue the men, though one of the scientists realzie there isn't enough oxygen up there for three men.*
Keith: What about... two men?
Crow (as Keith): What about six midgets?
Joel (as Keith): What about two men standing on each other's shoulders?
*We get a shot of several reporters reporting on the proceedings of sending another ship up to save the men. One of them looks sorta like Groucho Marx.
Joel: He's talking into a fudgecicle.
Crow (as Groucho): Say the secret word and you get a hundred bucks.
*Keith tells the astronauts that one of them will have to die to keep the other two alive. He wants them to make the decision*
Crow (as Keith): To two of you: good luck, and to one of you: goodbye.
Crow (as Keith): Wait till they realize I'm joking. There's plenty of air for everyone!
*The astronauts try to figure out how to go with their information*
Joel: I say get rid of Zeppelin Lungs Hackman (referring to his counter-productive heavy breathing.)
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode One: Space Travelers Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Three American astronauts (Gene Hackman, Richard Crenna, and James Franciscus) returning from a long space station mission suddenly face imminent death when their spacecraft malfunctions and they are stuck in orbit with a very limited oxygen supply. On the ground, Chief astronaut Ted Dougherty (David Janssen) breaks all the rules to implement a mission to rescue the seemingly doomed adventurers. Charles Keith (Gregory Peck) is the ground commander in Houston who must decide whether or not to approve the dangerous rescue mission. Originally released as Marooned .
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Great Crowdini attempts to escape, hanging upside-down, from a set of chains while a cannon is pointed at his head. Crow then loses the key.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Crow chewed his own head off to escape. Dr. Forrester chastizes Frank for reading Variety. Joel presents the Dollaroid, a camera that puts pictures on money. The Bots point out its uselessness. Frank loves it. The Mads present their Tissues with Faces, allowing you to blow your nose on famous faces in ridicule. Pat Buchanan and Sinbad might be nothing to sneeze at...until pepper is added to the equation.
Segment Two: JatBs lists the ways the space program has influenced everyday life. Some of them are kind of a reach.
Segment Three: JatBs reenact a scene from the movie, with Crow in the Gregory Peck role. He starts going crazy by switching into his David Jannsen impression, and Joel drags him away for some quiet time. Crow does a killer Gregory Peck.
Segment Four: Joel contemplates what would happen if one of the SOL crew had to sacrifice themselves in space. The Bots rain on his parade, pointing out he's the only one who really needs oxygen to survive.
Ending Segment: Joel fakes out Gypsy while playing fetch before demonstrating a magic trick for Crow and Tom, Find the Finder of Lost Loves. The Bots end up frustrated and confused by his pop culture references. The crew then reads some letters before Gypsy returns with a lot of balls. The Mads are not amused.
Stinger: Gene Hackman contemplates a pill.
Review:
I've seen a lot in this run so far. Goofy turtles that love children. An ET ripoff with a peantu eating alien. Santa Claus on Mars. The one thing I haven't seen? A good movie. That is, until I saw Maro- Er, Space Travelers. At least, by MST3K standards, it's a good movie. It has good actors, and budget that is far larger than anything on MST3K (8 Million bucks, for anyone counting.)
This movie proves that you don't have to have a Grade Z movie for good riffing. You can take a good movie, and OSCAR WINNING MOVIE and make riffs on it, and it would be hilarious. This is proof. The riffing was very strong, really good. I enjoyed it. The host segments were also good. All in all, a strong start for this season. 9/10
Trivia: Space Traverlers (or Marooned as it was originally released,) is the only movie in MST3K history to win an Academy Award (for best visuals effects.) Technically speaking, you could say this is the best movie ever riffed on by the series.
Another note to make is that the movie was actually referenced all the way back in Season Two as a movie Joel would rather see than Rocketship X-M (because of the downer ending.) Dr. Forrester at the time stated they couldn't get it. Since that point, Film Ventures picked up Marooned, and released it as Space Travelers.
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Two: The Giant Gila Monster Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: A small town in Texas finds itself under attack from a hungry, 50-foot-long gila monster. No longer content to forage in the desert, the giant lizard begins chomping on motorists and train passengers before descending upon the town itself. Only Chase Winstead (Sullivan), a quick-thinking mechanic, can save the town from being wiped out.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Crow and Tom Servo are The Thing with Two Heads (Crow is on Servo's body.) At first they hate it, Joel points out that they’re The Odd Couple 1999. Just when they begin to get into it, Joel nips it in the bud.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Joel reattaches Servo and Crow's heads to their bodies. Servo likes his own rump. Frank announces Dr. Clayton Forrester's death! Forrester shows up and is rather mad at Frank. Joel has a radio with a tuner that only picks up channels from old sitcoms and movies. The Mads demonstrate their Renaissance Festival punching bags. I think Frank has some Renaissance flashbacks.
Segment Two: Joel has turned a spare closet into a teen pavilion/barbershop as seen in the film. Crow and Tom keep calling Joel a stupid jerk instead of a soda jerk and being naughty. After they order a Blue Floyd, Joel becomes fed up with them and their antics. Then Gypsy shows up and the whole set falls down.
Segment Three: JatBs celebrate the classic drunks, and Crow wonders when funny drunks stopped being funny. Then Joel and the bots act out vignettes of different types of drunks, which ends up turning into an after-school special.
Segment Four: Servo on Cinema looks at Ray Kellogg’s Leg Up technique. Servo shows a short film of it in the er.. film. Joel and Crow can't resist butting in, or should we say, legging in.
Ending Segment: The rock group Hee-La rehearses. Crow notes that they're doing the same thing they did when they were SpiDor. The first letter is from a little girl who thinks Crow’s name is 'Art.' The second letter says, "'Dear Joe and Bots: I just like the way Tom Serbo sings, my favorite robot is Crow, but Joe is funny too.' And it’s signed...TV’s Frank?!" Frank celebrates his short-lived victory in Deep 13 as Dr. Forrester looks on in disgust.
Stinger: Drunken old Harris gags on soda pop at the soda shop
Review:
This was a pretty decent episode. Though it follows the 'talk about the monster, but don't make it do anything for half the movie' idea, so you are practically spending about half the movie with characters you don't care about, and for some bizarre reason, like to strike the Captain Morgan pose.
The riffing was good, but it wasn't the best I've heard. Sure, there were a several decent laughs, but no gut busting laugh out moments that the third season brought me. It didn't help that all the actors sounded like they were talking out their butt. Still, there are some good riffs (if you can hear them) and it is a good, though not great, episode. 6.5/10
Trivia: As I mentioned in the Jungle Goddess episode, this is the episode that brought us the letter from the little girl who mistakenly thought Crow's first name was Art. Which of course came to be a bit of a running gag later in the show.
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
*A bunch of teens are dancing to a song on a jutebox. The diner they are in is absurdly small.*
Crow: Hey, all the kids are meeting in the barber's shop!
*The Sheriff Jeff is investigating a couple of missing teenagers, and is talking to the local population. He goes to a farmer's place, knocks on th door, and it is immediately answered*
Servo: So, were they just waiting at the door?
*Chase (The main character) is working on an engine in the shop. For some bizarre reason, he's striking the Captain Morgan Pose*
Crow (as Mr. Compton): Still got your knee up, I see.
*Compton and Chase start to work on the engine or whatever it is.*
Joel: Okay, ready and... go.
*Both Compton and Chase hike strike the Captain Morgan pose.*
*Chase drives up on a briefcase (which belonged to a Salesman who was killed by the monster. Somehow, the scene goes from midday to late at night*
Joel: Man, night comes fast in Tennessee..
Jeff the Sheriff: I'll take it (the briefcase) in. Someone will come by and claim it.
Chase: I'll put it in the car for you.
Jeff: See you later, son.
Crow (as Chase): Son? He called me son? No wonder mom cries every time I mention the sheriff.
*Chase goes to what I assume is house he is in the kitchen and..*
Joel: It's about time for him to put his knee-
*Chase strikes a Captain Morgan pose on a chair.*
Joel: Ah, called it!
Servo: How'd you call that?
*Chase is negotating with a Mr. Smith over how much to it is for the towing and car fixing. Apparently he's terrible at haggling.*
Chase: How bout three bucks?
Servo: Kid, you're dumber than a bag of hammers.
*Chase and his gal Lisa are searching the woods for their friends, to help the sheriff. They come across a puddle of water*
Chase: Thirsty? *leans down to take a drink*
Crow (as Gila Monster): Don't drink that, that's my urine. Even I don't do that.
Chase: Ew, that's bitter.
Crow (as Gila Monster): What do you expect?
*The town drunk Harris is drinking and driving*
Servo: Oh no, he's drinking turtle wax!
*Harris is driving closer to the Monster, but he's drunk. Also..*
Joel: Hey look, a hand up there!
Servo: The director, folks.
*After Chase kills off the Gila Monster*
Crow: They killed off the only likable character!
Crow: I love the smell of lizard in the morning. It smells like.. chicken.
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Unfortunately, Gamera isn't on Youtube, or at least it wasn't when I was about to watch it. I would suggest buying the entire Gamea DVD collection they recently put out. Not only do you get Gamera, but you also get the other four Gamera movies they made.
Season Four Episode Three: City Limits Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: A plague has wiped out the older generation. The young live in controlled anarchy and resist the imposition of a centralized government. Two biker gangs, the DAs and the Clippers, have divided up the city but unite against outside threats. The Sunya Corp. tries to take over the city, with the initial cooperation of the DAs
Host Segments:
Prologue: The bots make Joel say Ping Pong Balls just like Captain Kangaroo did. Joel's met with the same results.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Tom Servo's head is full of ping-pong balls, and he has somehow acquired Crow's eyes. Joel shows off his Mr. Meat & Potato Head toys. The Mads show offPop Star Tupperware - featuring Morrissey (Mike Nelson). He starts singing and... gets put in Tupperware again.
Segment Two: Deeply smitten, Crow sings a tuneless ode to Kim Cattrall, appropriately titled "Oh, Kim Cattrall!". With the help of Joel, Tom Servo, and Gypsy, Crow them attempts to re-enact a sequence from Cattrall's 1987 film Mannequin, with predictably shambolic results.
Segment Three: Tom, Crow, and Joel invent comic book superheroes.
Segment Four: Tom, Crow, and Joel invent even more superheroes. Most of them seem to follow an adjective-Man theme.
Ending Segment: JatBs try to play the City Limits trivia game, but they can’t remember anything about the movie. They read some letters instead. In Deep 13, the Mads have had it with Morrissey, and chloroform'em.
Stinger: Remote-controlled airplane attack!
Review:
This is your usual post-apocalyptic flick made after the rise of the Mad Max movies. The bad thing? This movie is less "post-apocalyptic" and more "bikers rule the city." Honestly, if you got rid of the few brief times they mention the apocalypse, I'd honestly believe that this was about biker gangs taking over a city.
The movie isn't exactly the most riffable movie out there. Sure, there are some pretty decent riffs here and there, but on the whole it feels like one of those movies you can't really describe after watching it (like Crow and Tom couldn't in the last segment.) The host segments were funny at least. 5.5/10
Trivia: According to Kim Cattrall (one of actresses in this flick) she actually sent Crow a bouquet of flowers after initially seeing the MST3K version on TV.
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Chronic1000 posted... Unfortunately, Gamera isn't on Youtube, or at least it wasn't when I was about to watch it. I would suggest buying the entire Gamea DVD collection they recently put out. Not only do you get Gamera, but you also get the other four Gamera movies they made.
This is the MST3k version, right?
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Yep. The MST3K version of Gamera and all of its sequels was recently released on DVD, after years of being off the market. This is because Sandy Frank, the person who had the rights to all those Japanese flicks, lost the rights to distribute them, and the new distributors didn't give two ****s about Sandy Frank.
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I'm not exactly sure how Sandy Frank got the rights of most of the Japanese flicks that were shown during on MST3K. My only theory is that Sandy Frank Entertainment promised the Japanese filmmakers to make a far more faithful adaption of their movies/TV shows than they originally got in America (Gamera was originally released as Gammera The Invincible in America, with American actors thrown in along with a heavily edited and version of the movie we all know and love.) I can only assume him proving to remain faithful to the original source allowed him to acquire more rights.
That, or the rights were really cheap, and the company just bought them all up looking for a cheap profit. Who knows?
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Four: Teenagers From Outer Space Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Alien products of a Huxley-esque dystopia with a real zest for killing and torture (or TOR-CHA, if you want accuracy) land on Earth along with the Derek, the main character. When conflict arises over the plan to colonize Earth with lobst-er.. 'gargans'. Derek, not wanting to colonize an already inhabitated planet, is called in for treason. He escapes to a nearby town and soon meets the cute, friendly, but sorta dim Betty Morgan. She simply assumes he's a normal human since he looks like humans, even though he wears silly clothes and doesn't know half of what everything is. Oh, and he speaks English. What do you expect, this film had a crap budget.
Thor, one of the members of the ship Derek was on, is ordered to follow Derek into town. Unlike Derek, Thor doesn't mind killing folks with his hammer or thunder pow- Oh wait, wrong Thor.. Eventually, Thor finds Derek and Betty, is shot, and later killed, while the gargan escapes. After barely killing it, Derek pulls a fake heel turn, meets up with the Captain of the spaceship (along with The Leader, who also happens to be Derek's dad.) and eventually they all kill each other. Or something.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel conditions the Bots with electric shocks to stop them from making NBC Mystery Movie jokes every time they see a flashlight. The Bots trick Joel into saying it, and he must say it as well. (yes, it happens a lot. City Limits had a lot of them.)
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots did the invention this week, the Scratch-N-Sniff Report Card to take the edge off of bad grades; it comes in both public and private school versions. The Mads forsee ventriliquism as the wave of the future, and respond with the Resusci-Annie ventriliquist dummy, which works until Annie needs resuscitation. Jeff Dunham would probably approve of that wave of the future.
Segment Two: JatBs does a Reel to Real segment comparing events in the movie to what would really happen in real life. Joel carries the concept a bit far.
Segment Three: The crew jettisens snacks into space to reenact the feature presentation trailer from General Cinemas.
Segment Four: Crow speculates on the nature of space while Joel and Tom play Red or Black, until Crow spots a Skull Cruiser! The inhabitant turns out to be kind of lame. Tom's Tri-Star pegasus logo turns out to be a cow.
Ending Segment: The gang presents a fashion pagent combining everyday wear with duct tape! Crow calls it off when his pictures get a little risque. Letters are read. In Deep 13, Dr. Forrester's date with Resusci-Annie is going well. TV Frank wants out of this.
Stinger: "The high court may well sentence you to TORCHA!"
Review:
This movie hits the perfect 'golden' zone that makes for damn a hilarious episode of MST3K. The teenagers look like they hadn't been teenagers in twenty years, the budget is nonexistent, the acting is woodenly terrible, the character are inept. The "gargan" is only shown in the shadow.. It's like Plan 9 From Outer Space, only without a stand-in for Bela Lugosi, or Tor Johnson mumbling around.
Because of this being in the "golden" zone, the riffing enhances the already terribleness of the movie in such that almost every riff is laugh out loud hilarious. The host segments (especially Segment Two) are pretty damn funny on their own. All in all, this is the best episode I've seen thus far for the season. 10/10
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
*We get our first shots of the... "teenagers" from Outer Space."
Crow: Really OLD teenagers from Outer Space.
*Derek (the main character) objects to the orders that the crew was given Why? Well..*
Captain: You have concern for foreign beings over our mission to locate grazing land for our Gargan herds
Servo: Thank you, Captain Exposition.
*Spaceship Captain isn't too pleased with Derek*
Captain: When we return to our planet, the high court may well sentence you to TORCHA!
All: TORCHA!
*Captain puts on the reich*
Captain: We are the supreme race! We have the supreme weapson!
Servo (as Captain): We have the supreme pizzas!
*Derek tries to escape while the crew has their attention diverted. Thor, one of the crew, shoots at Derek, but instead hits a small tree, which catches fire*
Joel (as God): Moses? Moses?
*Captain gets orders from the Leader to capture and maybe kill Derek (Leader's son.) Thor wants to get him.*
Captain (while outside in the middle of the day talking to Thor): You will wait until the sky is light enough to begin the search.
Joel: It IS light enough!
*A gas station attendant stumbles upon Thor.*
Attendant: Is there a convention in town?
Joel (as Thor): I'm a Trekkie.
*Thor kills the Attendant*
Crow: I guess this is a self serve station now.
*Alice, one of Betty's friends, is confronted by Thor while Alice is swimming. Thor kills her while she's trying to leave the pool*
Joel: Too much chlorine!
*After Thor kills Professor Simpson, he opens a window*
Crow: Well the ray gun works well, but you can never get the stink out.
Servo: Never toasted anyone that old before.
Joel: Whew, smells like the primeape house in here now.
*Thor breaks into Gramps and Betty's house. *
Crow: Nobody expects the Spanish Inquisition!
*One of the cops is hit by the ray gun ray. Somehow, it grew something on it's skull that would be a nice place to hold it up*
Crow: I'm hit Charlie, I'm hit!
Servo: What's that thing on it's head...
*Gramps tells Joe the Reporter everything that happened*
Gramps: And that's the way it happened.
Joel: I'm Walter Cronkite.
*Derek and Betty take Thor to a doctor, the Doctor may not be exactly all there.*
Joel (as Doctor): Looks like your popper's came up. Oh, that's your nipple.
*Joe and a cop walk up to the dead dog that has yet ot be buried, drug away, or otherwise*
Joel (as Joe): You know this dog has become quite the tourist attraction
*Thor chases Joe in a.. car chase*
Joel: This is like Misery.
Crow: This IS misery.
*Derek and Betty are looking for the ray gun after Thor dies, to kill the gargan. Derek picks up a rock once the crab- er, gargan spots them, and the ray gun is right under it. *
Servo: This will simplify everything!
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Five: Being From Another Planet Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Professor Doug McCadden is in charge of opening his university's latest acquisition - a sealed Egyptian sarcophagus. Opening it reveals an ancient mummy and a mold substance that proves to eat the flesh of anyone touching it. Later, sneaky student Pete Sharpe finds five hidden jewels in the bottom of the casket and distributes them to various co-eds on campus, not realizing that the mummy, recently revived with an overdose of x-rays, is bound and determined to reclaim them.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel and the Bots play 20 Questions using movie slogans.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Crow makes a weird guess and Servo pulls a joke on the Mads. Dr. Forrester wants a piece of the Precious Moments profits, and so comes up with their own Tragic Moments figurines, such as Sparky's Last Romp, By The Fire's Glow, and I'll Get It!. Joel and the Bots express their outrage before presenting the Jack Palance Impersonator Kit.
Segment Two: After a few silly puns by the TP'ed Bots leads to Joel throwing a tribute to Bill Mumy.
Segment Three: The bots welcome Joel to their Haunted Boiler Room, hoping to make a profit. Included are eyeballs, guts, worms of hate, and brains. It turns out Joel loves brains!
Segment Four: The Botsare down, and so Joel and Gypsy arrange for some fun, including the Hexfield Viewscreen Fun Time Holoclowns! It leaves them feeling kind of hollow.
Ending Segment: JatBs present the TV’s Frank Shopping Network, selling a V-shaped Diamond-Encrusted Mummy Communicator Type Thing and a letter from a viewer, all for the low, low price of bringing down the SoL! Dr. Forrester isn't pleased.
Stinger: Sleazy admin guy screams hysterically as his hand is fungussed by touching a gem.
Review:
Despite what Tom Servo may claim, this was NOT the worst movie they had riffed to this point (you'll understand when you see the riff portion.) The movie is kinda dull, and it feels like a PG-13 verison of a 80's slasher film. Trust me, I've seen far FAR worse movies riffed on this show. Hell, I wouldn't even call this the worst movie they'll watch this SEASON.
I think the better question is: is it a good MST3K episode? I wouldn't say it is. Sure there are some good riffs here and there, but for the most part, it just feels like this movie is really boring. It fails as a slasher flick, it fails as a thriller, hell it barely passes as anything. There just wasn't any material to work with, really. Because of that, it just doesn't feel like a strong episode. At the very least, they tried to make it good, but in the end it just ended up being average. 5.5/10
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
*Pete steals some jewels from the mummy's tombs, and shoots the mummy with a heavy dose of X-Rays. The mummy's body starts to revive*
Servo: Trumpy, you can do magic things!
*The mummy's body keeps glowing for some reason.*
Joel: If we could see what was happening, we'd be afraid.
*Professor McCadden is told by a doctor of some sort to not let anyone near the mummy.*
McCadden: Michael, find something to rope this area offlimits.
Crow (as Michael): Uh, like rope?
*The Mummy escapes, and is in the boiler room.*
Servo (As Mummy): I have no idea where I am. What am I trying to do? I'm a mummy, for crying out loud!
*A janitor is walking around aimlessly in the boiler room. He sorta looks like a somewhat famous actor...*
Joel: Wallace Shawn?
*We get a 'reveal' that Michael's hand is far worse now than when he first touched the flesh eating stuff.*
Joel: It's a honey glazed ham!
*Police Captain Whiterby is searching for suspicious activity, and decides to call Dr. Serrano*
Whiterby: Serrano? This is Captain. Whiterby. I'm in the electrical supply room.
Servo (as Whiterby): And I'm naked.
Whiterby: President Rossmore told me if I saw anything suspicious.
Crow (as Whiterby): Well, I haven't. So.. goodbye.
*A couple of cops walk around in the dark with flashlights.*
Servo: It's the CBS mystery movie!
Joel: There was no CBS mystery movie.
Servo: I know, but you won't let us say NBC mystery movie.
*beat*
Joel (as cop): Let's get donuts.
Servo: C'mon Joel. I don't want to be the dead bird in your guest bed, but that's a hackneyed joke.
Joel: No I mean, cops eat donuts.
Crow: It's just hackneyed, Joel
Joel: It's just something I've noticed, it's kind of an observation..
Servo: Stop it.
*McCadden comes up with a crazy theory that the thing they are dealing with is an alien, and the virus is from outer space.*
McCadden: Whatever it is...
Crow (as Groucho Marx): I'm against it.
*McCadden and his Susie, a student he's in a relationship with, notice the crystal she has has a diagram that comes from a scroll that was in the mummy's tomb. Somehow, radios are involved.*
Servo: Did ancient astronauts leave radios in Egypt?
*The mummy finds all the crystals and is being de-aged? His mummy wrappings also fall off, and we see him for the first time*
Joel: Turns out the mummy was a lameheaded styrofoam alien.
Servo: Who would've thunk?
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Six: Attack of the Giant Leeches w/short Undersea Kingdom Part 1 Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Professor Norton, a plucky gal reporter named Diana, the professor’s stowaway son Billy, and heroic Navy lieutenant Crash Corrigan take off to investigate mysterious undersea earthquakes in the professor’s rocket-powered submarine. Hundreds of leagues beneath the sea, they find the kingdom of Atlantis, the source of the seismic waves. The comparatively advanced undersea society has television, robots, and armored cars (though for the most part, they ride horses, fight with swords, and wear skimpy tunics and silly hats). And now it is this same technological know-how that has caused the Atlantesians to damage the Earth’s surface. Crash and his friends learn that the seismic activity is just a side effect of Atlantis' real problem: a rebellion led by the odious Unga Khan.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: In the Florida Everglades, a pair of larger-than-human, intelligent leeches are living in an underwater cave. They begin dragging local people down to their cave where they hold them prisoner and slowly drain them of blood.One of the first people to be so taken is the local vixen, Liz Walker. After some running around on her husband, Liz finds herself a prisoner of the leeches along with her current paramour. Game warden Steve Benton sets out to investigate their disappearance. Aided by his girlfriend Nan Grayson and her father, Doc Grayson, he discovers the cavern and blow it up with dynamite.
Host Segments:
Prologue: The Holo-clowns from the previous episode just won't go away and are driving everyone bonkers, forcing Joel to get rid of them.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Tom performs a clown haiku. The Mads demo Patches the Leech as a cure for smoking to get around FDA regulations. Joel and the Bots show their Insty-Adolescent Kit, making Servo feel quite awkward.
Segment Two: Crow was affected by the short a bit more than he thought. This leads into a discussion about what they'd wear to take over the world, what overwrought plot they'd use to complete their goal, and how they'd make the world pay. Dr. Forrester effectively proves Joel's point.
Segment Three: JatBs takes a coffee break (based on the movie's fascination with coffee) and discusses how the movie compares to the weird dreams they've had.
Segment Four: Based on the backwoods hillbillies from the movie, the crew performs the song, A Danger to Myself And Others.
Ending Segment: JatBs try to understand the motives of the leeches. Joel thinks they just went on killing and killing until it was all about killing and it wasn’t about fun anymore. They then read a letter. Meanwhile in Deep 13, Patches has been sucking on Frank a bit too long.
Stinger: Perched on a window, little Billy has a psychotic episode.
Review:
Not much one can say about this one. The film serial is pretty funny, and nowhere near as bad as Radar Men from the Moon. Still, it's actually twenty minutes long instead of the usual ten, so that was a bit of a negative.
The film was pretty dull until about the last twenty minutes or so, but even then the Giant Leeches aren't shown as very threatening, just a minor nuisance that can be killed by dynamite of all things. The riffing though was pretty funny, though they tended to rely on fat jokes more than anything else. Overall, another above average episode. 6.5/10
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
*During the opening shot, we get an overhead shot of a town, which we are informed is Annapolis*
Servo: Annapolis a day keeps the doctor away!
*Two officers watch as recruits are getting a check up. One of the recruits is rather beefy*
Officer: Great chap, wish we had more like him.
Crow: Keep your mind on your work, you're in enough trouble as it is.
*During a military ceremony, we bizarrely get footage of a football game.*
Servo: Oh no! A football has broken out, ladies and gentlemen, I don't know what to make of it!
Joel: This makes me long for my old elected football game.
*Jimmy climbs the building up to save Billy after he nearly falls to his death because he was hanging on a swinging window watching Jimmy wrestle*
Joel (as Jimmy): I'm glad they built this place like a jungle gym.
*Professor Norton rambles on about Atlantis and how he found evidence of it while exploring in his rocket submarine*
Joel: Uh, that's great gramps. *aside* Someone get his medication.
*Norton uses a remote to make the submarine sink into the ocean*
Joel: You left the hatch open! D'oh.
Crow: Remember where we parked, people. We're in the giraffe lot.
Favorite Riffs (movie):
*We get an opening shot in a bar with a bunch of rednecks and hillbillies chatting it up. Understanding what they are sounding is very difficult.*
Servo: Maybe we should have subtitles for this.
*Dave, a rather large man married to the inexplicably hot Liz is trying to talk to her.*
Crow (as Dave): Quit wearing my things.
*Liz and Dave are arguing while in Dave's grocery store*
Liz: Get out! Get out you fat pig!
Joel (as Dave): Now wait a moment, I don't go about calling you a beautiful shapely woman, do I?
*Dave spots Liz with Cal in the swamps, and he's none too pleased about his wife cheating on him.*
Dave: I want that little lying tramp to get up. (Cal is standing up)
Joel (as Cal): Now which one of us is the lying little tr- oh.
Carl: Dave, you put down that gun before I make you eat it!
Servo (as Dave): Mmm. *smacks lips*
Crow (as Dave): Hey, quit trying to distract me!
*Dave chases off Cal and Liz after firing a warning shot.*
Servo (as Dave): Every weekend I go through this...
*Cal and Liz are running away from Dave in the swampy woods.*
Joel: Man, look at all the weed. Where are they, Tommy Chong's backyard?
*Dave watches as Cal and Liz are taking away by the Giant leeches. With a loaded shotgun and after forgiving them*
Servo: Don't help or anything, Dave.
*After Doc Greyson uses dynamite to find the bodies of the people missing (illegally) he informs officer Benton (the main character) that he went to the coroner's office to see the bodies.*
Doc: Dave Walker didn't shoot Cal. I just came from the autopsy. Coroner tried to keep me out, but I said I'd raise a stink they'd smell all the way to the captial.
Servo: Oh, I don't doubt that.
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Seven: The Killer Shrews w/short Junior Rodeo Daredevils Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: When old timer Billy Slater finds two children pulling a prank on his horses, he conscripts them to create a "Junior Rodeo". Most of the town shows up and watches children get thrown around by bulls while the narrator advises them that "That ground is awful hard!"
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: A supply boat captain and his Dixieland-Jazz-playing first mate land on a remote island to deliver provisions to a professor. On the island, the professor and his research team are using shrews to experiment on ways to prevent global overpopulation. The group includes the professor, a nerdy scientist, an overweight servant named Mario, a shifty assistant, and the prof's sexy daughter. Unfortunately, the experiments have also created some giant shrews. A hurricane strands the boat captain in the house with the professor's group. The oversized shrews kill the first mate outright. As the shrews run out of smaller animals to eat, they move in on the people in the house.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel decides to give the Bots a pick me up and hands out cool gifts. Gypsy gets a Little Mermaid Ariel Bathtime Set, Tom gets a Junior Dragster Indoor Funnycar by Marx, and Crow gets dress slacks from J.C. Penney, perfect for job interviews. Crow is deeply disappointed.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: As Tom tunes his new race car and consoles Crow that he'd rather have a pair of slacks too, down in Deep 13 the Mads prepare to cleave the Earth in two. Only Joel's invention of Jim Henson's Edgar Winter Babies saves the planet.
Segment Two: .Joel vapor-locks as he attempts an impression of Will Rogers and ends up going all over the shop.
Segment Three: The Bots sing the commerical for their new Killer Shrew board game, but the actual game seems like more a chance for them to vent over the shortcomings of the movie.
Segment Four: Joel and the Bots invent the Killer Shrew drink, which is insanely heavy on sugary items. Joel has a small taste, and passes out. When they send it down, Frank serves as the test subject, and goes insanely hyper.
Ending Segment: The Bots dressed as shrews attack Joel, who like the scientist has just enough time to describe his symptons and read a letter before the poison kills him, while down in Deep 13, Frank is feeling the effects of too much Killer Shrew drink, but nothing a good ipecac won't fix.
Stinger: Dr. Craigis explaining that "Any unusual experiment can produce unusual results."
Review:
The short had lots of strong riffing and just felt like something that was made to be riffed. The movie.. IT was very hard to understand. It felt like they had one boom mike, and to make things worse, they got characters with such thick accents that it was near impossible to understand half the dialogue.
The positive thing is that the movie had lots of problems other than the audio that it does help with the riffing, but not enough to make this a truly memorable episode. People attacked by dogs with glued on hair or whatever is hilarious, but when 40% of the riffs is trying to figure out what the people are saying you know you're not in for a strong episode. The host segments are also pretty good, and this episode did spawn a running gag of Crow's pants, so that is a bit of a plus. All in all, a slightly above average episode. 6/10
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Joel (as Narrator): Smothered in gravy, Texas style. Yeah.
*The narrator explains the plot, I guess.*
Narrator: It all started with a tin can..
Servo: Doesn't it always?
*Billy Slater finds Bobby and Mike tying a tin can to a horse's tail, catches them, and comes up with a plan*
Narrator: No one's ever been hanged for fooling with horses, but I got another plan for you..
Servo (as Slater): I'm going to bury you up to your necks.
Narrator: Seems like everyone in town is heading for the rodeo.
Joel: All nine of them.
Crow: When you come right down to it, this whole rodeo is just an excuse to crawl inside the bottle!
Joel: Crow...
Crow (muttering): Well, it's true.
*Various kids and teenagers ride calves for the older folk*
Narrator: Here comes the tallest one.
*Betty falls off the calf neck first*
Joel: Ow, not anymore.
Favorite Riffs (Movie):
Narrator: The people that hunt at night will tell you the wildest and most vicious animials...
Joel: ... Are in Vegas?
Narrator: Is the shrew.
All: The shrew?!
Crow: Just go with us on this.
*While reading the credits*
Joel: Ray Kellogg. He directed the Giant Gila Monster...
Servo: Oh no! No! NO!!!
*We get a shot of the shore of the "island"*
Crow: Hey, there's oak trees on that island!
*Thorne Sherman and Dr. Cragis are talking about.. something. It's sort of difficult to understand people who sound like they're talking out of their butt. Dr. Radford walks in and begins using his typewriter. Dr. Cragis tries to get his attention.*
Dr. Cragis: Radford?
Joel: Rapid? Rapture?
Cragis: Radford, could you please step over here?
Joel: Rapid Bathroom?
Servo (as Cragis): Yes, this is the resident novelist Rapid Bathroom.
*Cragis introduces Radford and Sherman*
Cragis: I'd like you to meet Captain Thorne Sherman.
Joel: Stone Shrimp?
*Griswold, Thorne's shipmate (and the black plucky comic relief) is outside when the 'shrews' (dogs) attack. They eventually attack and kill him. Sorta*
Servo (as Griswold): Quit! It tickles!
Crow: They're licking him to death!
*The shrews got into the barn during a hurricane.*
Ann Cragis: What is it father?
Dr. Cragis: The Livestock.
Joel: Life sucks.
*Sherman is rather ticked at Dr. Cragis for telling him what sort of animals he'd be facing*
Sherman: Doctor, you casually mentioned animals. You didn't explain what we were facing out there!
Servo: Dogs with weird stuff on them..
-- Vote in the Best Wrestling Theme Song Contest! In the not too distant future/Next Sunday A.D.
Season Four Episode Eight: Hercules Unchained Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: While travelling, Hercules is asked to intervene in a quarrel between two brothers, Eteocles and Polynices over who should rule Thebes. Before he can complete this task, Hercules drinks from a magic spring of forgetfulness and is hypnotized by a harem girl who dances the Dance of Shiva, loses his memory and becomes the captive of Queen Omphale of Lydia. The Queen keeps men until she tires of them, then has them made into statues. While young Ulysses tries to help him regain his memory, Hercules' wife, Iole, finds herself in danger from Eteocles, current ruler of Thebes, who plans on throwing her to the wild beasts in his entertainment arena. Hercules slays three tigers in succession and rescues his wife, then assists the Theban army in repelling mercenary attackers hired by Polynices. The two brothers ultimately fight one another for the throne and end up killing each other; the good high priest Creon is elected by acclaim.
Host Segments:
Prologue: It's Wash and Wax day on the Satellite of Love, a fate worse than death if Bots are to be believed.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Crow is slightly more worse for wear after his go in the wash and wax, but Servo loved it! Down in Deep 13 Frank and Dr. Forrester'sinvention of decorator cockroaches gets an unintended boost from the star of today's movie Steve Reeves, where as Joel's invention of the Steve-O-meter is used to see if Steve Allen has thought of an invention or creation. Turns out, he has thought of everything. (even the Steve-O-meter and Movie Sign). It has nothing to do with a certain Jackass member.
Segment Two: Gypsy constructs a set to allow her to show her to be the Hellenistic ideal, but her ability in playing a harp brings this into question.
Segment Three: After partaking of the Water of Forgetfulness, Joel & the Bots try other foodstuffs and drinks which trigger other mental and emotional states: the Carrot Shake of Pretentiousness, the Blizzard of Loneliness, the Fruit-Striped Gum of Stability, and the Green Bean & French Onion Casserole of Happiness.
Segment Four: The Bots try to get Joel to explain what Hercules and Queen Omphale are doing all day when they're cuddling and kissing, but he refuses to bite.
Ending Segment: JatBs attempt to discuss why the Hercules series and other fantasy films became popular and the meaning behind them, but Steve is no help in that department with or without gushing fanboy Frank.
Stinger: When Queen Omphale remembers the good times with Hercules, her eyes get real big.
Review:
This was the first of several Hercules movies watched on MST3K. I haven't seen any of the others, but if they are anything like this, they should prove to be pretty good episodes. It felt like your typical low-budget spaghetti western, only set in ancient times and with more scantily clad women. The movie is cheesy enough to watch on it's own, at least.
I found the riffing to be pretty good in this episode, and the host segments/invention exchange really amusing. The Steve-O-meter was a pretty funny invention, as well. Overall, I'd definitely recommend it to MST3K fans. 8.5/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Joel: Bad news guy, I heard the Captain wants to water ski.
Narrator: This is the land of Ethica.
All: ATTICA! ATTICA! ATTICA!
*Iole and Ulysses is being attacked by Antaeus (who introduces himself.) Hercules though, isn't worried.*
Hercules: I'm so sleepy I can't stay awake.
Servo: That is the definition of being sleepy.
*Antaeus and Hercules fight a few times, and each time Hercules wins. However, Antaeus stands right back up ready to fight again*
Ulysses: Hercules! It must be Antaeus, son of the Earth Goddess. When he touches the ground he marshals his forces!
Hercules: So that's it? I must change my way of fighting.
Joel: That's what he said he was!
*Ulysses and Hercules are riding horses, going to solve a dispute between the two brothers trying to control Thebes. Along the way, Hercules says something.. peculiar.*
Hercules: Look! I'm hungry!
Servo: Listen! It's cold.
*After Hercules drinks from the Water of Forgetfulness, guards show up and come and get him. Ulysses, who's been trying to help Hercules, has a rather cunning plan.*
Guard: Who are you? Who are you?!
*Ulysses acts like he can't hear them, and points to his mouth and ears*
Guard: This one is taking no chances traveling alone with a deaf mute.
Crow (as Ulysses): Oh I'm glad you think I'm a deaf mu- oh nuts.
*Ulysses is trying to explain to Hercules who he is, all while Hercules is loosening the straps of his toga*
Servo: Uh Hercules, I think you're getting your appointments mixed up here.
*Hercules bends a lamp (something he tried and didn't do earlier) throws it to the side, and exits. Ulysses check on it, and Hercules comes back.*
Servo (As Hercules): Hey! You bent my lamp!
Crow (as Ulysses): No, you did!
Servo: Did not.
*Hercules orders the maids off. Omphale isn't amused.*
Omphale: No one ever dared giving an order in my presence.
Joel (as Hercules): No one else is the Herc-meister.
*Hercules catches Omphale call him by his real name*
Hercules: I finally know who I am!
Joel (as Hercules): I'm Big Jim McClain!
*Ulysses uses his bow and arrow to hit a tiger that Hercules is fighting.*
Joel (as Hercules): He hit big Jake...
*After the two brothers kill each other*
Crow: He learned too late man was a feeling creature. Because of it the greatest in universe. He learned too late himself that men have to make their own way...
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Nine: The Indestructible Man w/short Undersea Kingdom Part II Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Crash and Billy manage to escape being blown up. The crew attempts to escape back to the sub, but are captured by a group of Atlantians, who mistake them for agents of Unga Khan. Unga Khan sends his agents to take the sub crew away from the squad of Atlantans.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Charles "Butcher" Benton was a double-crossed convicted robber and murderer who was executed in the gas chamber. His body is unlawfully sold to a a lone-wolf cancer researcher, who plans to move his testing to human subjects. The corpse is subjected to chemical injection and massive jolts of high-frequency electricity in order to study the effect on human tissues. But Benton's heart is restimulated and he completely revives aside from now being mute, immensely strong and with skin virtually impervious--even to bazooka shells. After killing the doctor and his assistant, Benton sets out to avenge himself on his shyster lawyer and the lawyer's henchmen who, in collusion with his attorney, betrayed him in order to steal his loot. Benton left the location of his stash to his stripper-girlfriend who has gone straight and begun dating the detective who brought Benton to justice after rejecting the lawyer.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Crow/Tom and Gypsy/Magic Voice have switched voices. Joel is weirded out.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots explain their trick. The Mads are supposedly having a party and mention a secret invention that is apparently wearable and has lots of catchphrases. Joel and the Bots show their Cereal Novels.
Segment Two: The Satellite of Love Any-Excuse-For-A-Parade Parade features the Undersea Kingdom! Alas, parade goes horribly awry when Gypsy sneezes, causing the Tom Servo balloon to explode.
Segment Three: Joel explains to the Bots how pain is good. They then discuss what they'd do if they were indestructible. Joel's suggestions aren't exactly worthy of indestructibility.
Segment Four: Joel mimics the Lon Chaney eye squinch, and receives the ridicule from the Bots. When the Bots take over, things get rather silly.
Ending Segment: JatBs sign the "No Cops & Donuts Joke Accord". In a coincidence, cops visit Deep 13 to deliver a noise citation for the party.
Stinger: The somehow less-than-Indestructible Man pathetically struggles to move a manhole cover
Review:
I enjoyed this episode a good deal, which is saying something because the short was a big dud. I've said it before in previous entries that the film serial shorts just don't have the same quality as say Junior Rodeo Devils or Hired! or Mr. B Natural. Maybe it's just me? The movie felt like it was trying to figure out what genre it wanted to be in, yet failed to be any one genre. So, we have a Detective Horror movie with a bit of Supernatural thrown in for good measure. Whatever it is it works, because this was a pretty good movie.
The host segments were great, and I really did like Joel doing his impression of the Lon Chaney squint. He looked more constipated than angry. The riffing for the movie was good, with a couple of really great riffs thrown in. This is also the last movie that has cop/donut jokes, which is a plus. In short, a funny movie that recovers from the weak short. 7.5/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
*Billy and Crash jump off a cliff and escape from Khan unharmed*
Servo: How they get off a cocky-doody cliff? This is wrong!
Crow: Billy looks like William Frawley (Fred Muntz from I Love Lucy.)
Favorite Riffs (Movie):
*while reading the credits we see the main star is Lon Chaney Jr.*
Crow: Any relation to Dick Cheney?
Joel: I don't think so.
Richard Chasen (narrating): Back in Los Angeles two men were sitting in a dinner listening to the news broadcast...
Joel: Oh, I've heard this joke.
*Detective Chasen is at a cutout of some dame named Eva Martin, looking at his watch.*
Chasen (narrating): I'm a cop, but my job is to ask questions and get answers.
Joel (as Chasen, to cutout): Alright, talk.
*Chasen walks into Eva's dressing room.*
Joel (as Chasen): I saw your sister outside. You know, the quiet one.
*The Butcher chokes out the scientist who revives him and his assistant at the same time.*
Joel (as Butcher): You know, I can't tell who is more fun to kill... It's a draw!
*We get a shot of several cop cars driving around.*
Joel: Be on the lookout for donuts. APP on donu-
Servo: Oh come on Joel that's really lame. No more of these donut jokes.
*The Butcher tries to prove he is who is to Eva, and proceeds to stab his hand with scissors*
Joel: I think scissors beats hand.
*The Butcher is angered and goes to kill Paul.*
Narrator: The name of Paul triggered his hate.
Joel: The name Gary made him happy
*Eva calls Squiny Ellis and informs him that The Butcher is alive.*
Narrator: Squiny didn't believe her and who could blame him? In a way you couldn't blame him. Who in their right mind would believe a man returned from the dead?
Joel: Only millions of Christians..
*Francine, another girl Eva works with, tries to work in Eva's place. She does a little dance to prove it's easy.*
Eva: I just thought of something...
Francine: Yeah?
Narrator: Eva agreed to let Fran-
Crow: Whoa! What happened to her voice?
*The cops are hot on the Butcher's tail in the sewers. They are using flashlights*
Servo: It's a gang of Sunday Night Mystery Movies!
Joel: Oh stop it.
Servo: Whatever you say, Mr. Donut joke.
*A few seconds after the previous riff*
Joel: Hey found half a donut, who wants it?
Servo: D'oh, not a sewer donut joke.. No!
Crow: This is sorta like Close Encounter's of the TURD kind.
*The cops spot the Butcher in the sewers where he buried his treasure, and shot him with an RPG. It's not very effective*
Servo: They're shooting him with chili peppers! They burn his guts, you see..
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
The Killer Shrews would have been better had the audio quality been slightly better. There were decent riffs, but understanding the movie was a bit tough for me.
Also, sorry for only four episodes last week. I was under the weather. Hopefully I'll be back to a more normal pace tomorrow.
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Ten: Hercules Against The Moon Men Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: In ancient Greece a race of evil aliens from the moon land on earth. For years they have terrorized the nearby city of Samar, demanding children for sacrifice. Now, the queen of Samar has made a pact with the moon men to conquer the world and become the most powerful woman alive. However, the residents of Samar, sick of all the chaos, cheer when the mighty Hercules shows up to put a stop to it all.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Believing the grass is always greener on the other side, Tom and Crow decide to run away to the other side of the ship, but immediately come back.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Joel and the Bots have invented the Super Freak-Out Kit, the Mads' invention of DEEP HURTING is woven into the experiment itself. Just
Segment Two: The Bots use Joel as the subject of their amazing BOOBY trap illusion. After they get over the puns, they use the walls with sharp objects on it trick to hit Joel, but Joel turns out fine. He drinks some water and.. water goes everywhere. Also. DEEP HURTING.
Segment Three: JatBs have new muscular arms and they all come up with their new tough guy names (like Alan Steel). Unfortunately Tom's suggestions aren't all that tough and his body rejects his new donor limbs.
Segment Four: Having finally had enough with all the togo/skirt action in these Hercules films, JatBs sing the stirring song Pants! It's not long before we'll see the DEEP HURTING!
Ending Segment: JatBs discuss the replacement of actors in sequels and TV series, but Tom is forced to read the letter alone after Crow breaks Gypsy's heart by mentioning Richard Basehart was just such a replacement and he insults a letter from the fan. Dr. Forrester is alarmed by Joel and the Bots' ability to survive a movie like this, but works out some of his anxiety by enacting a little DEEP HURTING on Frank.
Stinger: Old guy gets skewered on a booby trap.
Review:
Despite all the hype it got, the sandstorm (DEEP HURTING) scene was NOT as bad ROCK CLIMBING from The Lost Continent. Yeah, it dragged on and on and on, and yeah it padded out the last ten minutes of film, but I guess the warning that it would happen lessened the impact? I dunno.
Aside from that portion, the movie was another goofy sword and sandals flick. Note I didn't say Hercules, because this movie was not made as a Hercules film, but as another Italian strong man whose name slips my mind. Regardless of who this guy is billed, this is another enjoyable film, and I can see that the Hercules movies are fast becoming the high point of Season Four. The riffing and host segments are really strong and extremely entertaining. There really wasn't much of dull moment in the movie (well, except for the DEEP HURTING.) 9/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Narrator: From that day on, the people of Samar, in order to survive, were forced to sacrfice their children to the hungry mountain of death.
Joel: Hey, anyone got change for an eight year old?
*People are sending their children into the volcano to be sacrficed.*
Servo: You know, I think they're probably sent to limbo.
Joel: Rush Limbo?
Servo: D'oh. No, that'd be hell.
*Hercules is seen riding on his horse*
Crow: His body makes me feel funny.
*After beating up several extras, Hercules strikes a manly pose during the fight*
Joel (as Herc): I enjoy being a guy! Yeah!
*The Queen of Samar is getting a vision of a god.*
Joel: It's a vision of a Mexican wrestler!
Crow: El Santo, I'm glad you're here. (Thank TV's Frank for that riff.)
*After surviving a booby trap *snicker* Hercules stumbles upon a monkey.. man.. creature, and fights it.*
Joel: Trumpy, you're angry!
Servo: This thing smells worse than I do.
*After the hidden tunnel scene, Agar brings Hercules to the people that will fight the Moon Men. Said people are in a house just sitting around feeding us exposition.*
Joel: It's Herc, and he has the keg!
*Hercules is trapped in a net. Let me repeat that. Hercules is trapped in a net made of rope.*
Crow: He can bend steel but can't get out of a net?!
*After Hercules "drinks" the drugged drink to make him fall in love with the Queen, he "passes out" onto her bed.*
Joel: All of these movies revolve around Herc sleeping.
*Hercules battles the Queen's top mook*
Servo: My name is Inigo Montoya. You killed my father. Prepare to Die.
Crow: I don't know what all that deep hurting stuff was all about.
*beat, scene cuts to the DEEP HURTING.*
Servo: Oh no! It's the sandstorm scene
Crow: AAAAHHH!!!!
Servo: Joel! Help me!
Joel: It's okay. It's just another scene. We'll just riff like usual. I'll lead.
*Trying to cope with the DEEP HURTING*
Crow: It was after the apocalypse. They had to get to the power station. They weren't prepared for the.. Robot Holocaust.
*Queen Samara goes to the Moon People (all rocky looking) and they think she betrayed them (she did?) They all go marching toward her.*
All: We will we will rock you.
*After several minutes of DEEP HURTING*
Crow: The Mads said this would be bad. You know what? THEY'RE RIGHT! THIS SUCKS! *starts crying*
Servo: Come on, buck up.
*More coping of DEEP HURTING*
Servo: Dianetics by L. Ron Hubbard.
Joel: Why do I hurt inside: Page 54.
Servo: When will this stupid movie end: Page 38
Crow: How much money can we get out of Tom Cruise: Page 25.
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
*Sybil give Sir George gifts, or shows the gifts he will get when he turns twenty-one. One of the item appears to be a cloak*
Sybil: See this? You'll wear it while you ride.
Crow: Used to be your sisters.
George: Is it magic too?
Sybil: No weapon can pierce it.
Servo: Except a butterknife.
*After yet another story about one of Sybil's relatives...*
Servo: She's got more stories about her relatives than Gabe Kaplin.
*To go downstairs, Sybil lifts up her long dress*
Servo: Whoa, didn't want to see THAT.
*Lodac has captured Princess Helene and has fed his dragon two other princesses.*
Lodac: The dragon will be hungry again in six days time.
*The dragon roars, ready to eat*
Crow (as Lodac): Make that five days time.
*It turns out Sir Branton is actually evil and will give Lodac his ring back for the hand of the Princess. While these two are chatting it up, one of the Knights that work for George comes galloping up.*
Lodac: Ooh. A galant Frenchman.
Joel: You don't see many of those.
*Dennis is making out with a beautiful french woman that Lodac conjured up, I guess. While he's doing this, she turns out to be very unattractive (and evil.*
Joel: Whoa, he really had the beer goggles on.
*Sir George shows up and catches Dennis being attacked by the woman*
Joel (as George): I know he's French, but her?
*Patrick and George chase Branton into a cave.*
Patrick: Where the divel is he?
Servo: Divel?
Joel: He's Irish.
*After George escapes from the cave, Patrick lays dead*
Joel: He's Dead, Jim.
*George is captured, Branton gets Helene, and Lodac gets his ring. Except the girl Branton gets was the old ugly girl Dennis was with. Lodac then kills Lodac by putting him in a picture.*
Joel: He's been framed!
*On the two headed dragon*
Crow: You know if this was a Japanese monster movie, the entire movie would be revolved around this.
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
The title is rather ridiculous, but it does fit this bizarre Sword and Sandals flick in terms of silliness.
Season Four Episode Eleven: The Magic Sword Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Sir George is the foster son of Sybil , an elderly sorceress. Not much is said about his background other than that his "royal parents died of the plague" in his infancy. He is secretly in love with Princess Helene , who is kidnapped early in the film by the evil wizard Lodac. Lodac intends to feed her to his pet dragon in seven days. George wants to go on a quest to liberate his lady love, but Sybil believes he is too young and tries to comfort the youth by showing him a magic sword, a steed, a suit of armour, and six magically frozen knights he will command when he turns 21. The impatient George, however, tricks Sybil and locks her in a cellar, then leaves with his magical implements and revived company of knights. Sir George and his party appear before the king and insist on journeying to Lodac's castle to rescue Helene, even though this angers Sir Branton, a knight who had previously been given the task and who also desires the princess. The knights must brave a series of monsters and other dangers to complete the task.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel is a cheesy caricature artist. Gypsy is disgusted, because he draws her nude. He points out, all of the Bots are nude.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Bots criticize Joel's work. Joel shows off his Big Gulp Berets, a take on the novelty hats. Frank demos the Mads' Designer Biohazard Absorbent Throw Pillows with a badly acted skit Alas, he gets some biohazard material on him in the process.
Segment Two: JatBs puts on a commercial for Basil Rathbone's Doggie Biscuits, with Crow and Servo as the dogs and Joel as their trainer.
Segment Three: Joel and the Bots don medieval apparel for a festive medieval pageant. Crow is a knight, Gypsy is a lady-in-waiting (who doubles as a unicorn), and Joel is a happy king. Tom the serf wants to be too historically accurate and wrecks the whole thing.
Segment Four: Crow has become enamored of Estelle Winwood, instead of Kim Caterall now. As he sings about his new found love, Tom and Joel sing along, though Tom isn't very into it.
Ending Segment: JatBs, in the vein of George Carlin, discuss different words you can’t say on TV. They read a letter. In Deep 13, Frank really has been exposed to way too much biohazardous material.
Stinger: Sybil's two-headed assistant looks on in confusion.
Review:
It has been stated this is Bert I. Gordon's best movie. I believe it. For a B-Movie made by the same person that brought us. King Dinosaur, the Colossal Beast movies, Earth vs. The Spider, it isn't that bad. Though he only produced/directed this, while the others he wrote the screenplay for. Regardless, The Magic Sword is actually pretty enjoyable as a film, without the riffs.
That isn't to say that the riffs hurt today's movie. Like most movies, the riffs help to spice it up and make it more enjoyable. I do feel that Joel and the Bots held back though. While the riffs were entertaining, there isn't that many laugh out loud moments in this episode. Not only that, but the host segments aren't particularly strong either. I guess they wanted the movie to shine through or something? I dunno. Overall, this is a good episode, but I do think it could have been better with some stronger riffs. 7/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Twelve: Hercules and the Captive Women Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, Crow T. Robot, and Gypsy (briefly) Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Ever-intrepid demi-god Hercules battles Proteus and rescues a beautiful princess. He takes her back to her home, the island of Atlantis. Her mother, sadistic Queen Antinea, believes in a prophecy that says if her daughter outlives her, then Atlantis will be destroyed. Naturally Antinea is attracted to Hercules, but first she must get rid of her daughter. Antinea sends a team of weirdly identical blond henchmen to murder her daughter, while she unsuccessfully tries to drug Hercules. With the help of his son, Hercules battles the henchmen, outsmarts the queen, and saves the princess, causing the island to sink into the sea. Prophecy fulfilled!
Host Segments:
Prologue: Gypsy wants to join the boys in watching the movie. Crow and Tom aren't exactly supportive of this idea.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads have continued their Deep 13 day care, and as a result, TV's Frank has developed the Lawn Baby, a lawnmower/baby stroller that's an accident waiting to happen. A "pregnant" Joel shows off the Wombmate, a device that allows babies to listen to music in utero.
Segment Two: Joel, Tom, and Crow enjoy some good-natured brawling as seen in the film. They're even good natured after they've been patched up. The Mads think Joel has cracked.
Segment Three: Tom and Joel play Trivial Pursuit. Crow does a history report on Hercules, but is unnecessarily harsh.
Segment Four: The Bots' Hercules action figure is rather inactive, constantly repeating, "I'm so sleepy, I can barely keep my eyes open."
Ending Segment: Joel and the bots bid the Hercules movies adieu, and say goodbye to the series forever. Well, except until the next season. They read a letter. Back in Deep 13, Frank is being chased by his invention, and it ends as badly as one would expect.
Stinger: "Hercules!", followed by Herc's freaky expression.
Review:
The final Hercules movie seen on MST3K... of this season. Obviously, they didn't have the foresight to know they'd watch the first Hercules movie with Steve Reeves in it in Season Five, so that explains the celebration of the end of the series in the final host segment. We'll get to Hercules when it comes around.
As for this episode, I found it to be like the previous two Herc flicks, except far more confusing. I guess that has to account for them cutting out portions of the movie, and the portions they cut out had plot exposition and whatnot in it. I'm sure the reason they cut it out was because it was rather boring, but it happens. What we got left with was a relatively random Hercules movie that, for some reason, didn't quite hold up to the previous two movies. Again, you can account that to the editing of this flick itself.
The riffing is pretty good, though nothing too memorable. After Gypsy left the theater, the quality of riffing took a bit of a hit, though it did recover near the middle part of the movie. The host segments, on the other hand, were very entertaining. I did like the insanity that was TV Frank's invention, and his eventual demise to it. Overall, this is the weakest of the Hercules movies seen in Season Three, but still enjoyable. 7/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Thirteen: Manhunt in Space w/Short General Hospitial Part One Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Stalwart nurse Jessie Brewer is married to Phil Brewer, a cardiologist seven years younger than she. Phil has lost interest in Jessie and seeks the excitement of an extramarital affair. And Dr. Steve Hardy informs a patient that she has a hiatus hernia.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Rocky and his co-pilot Winky are sent into space to try to foil a gang of space pirates who have been preying on cargo ships sent out by the United Worlds, and who have also captured Rocky's girlfriend, Vena. Rocky is aided by a new invention, "cold light," which, in much the same way as heat causes mirages to appear in the desert, causes an object to become so cold that it disappears. Unsurprisingly the space pirates are employed by sexy-but-evil Queen Cleolanta of Ophesius.
Host Segments:
Prologue: It's snack time on the Satellite of Love! JatBs discuss the virtues of black and white versus color films. Tom Servo has no opinion, leading to the discovery he is color blind.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Tom laments his blindness, but is consoled by Joel and Crow. The Mads show off their beanbag pants, perfect for lounging at a discussion salon. JatBs present their recycled paper clothing, leading to Tom being flashblind as well as color blind.
Segment Two: The Bots are playing soap opera, based on the General Hospital short, but Joel refuses to participate due to a traumatic childhood.
Segment Three: A discussion of the overuse of the modifier "space" that appears in the movie. The crew advocates a moderated use of modifiers.
Segment Four: Crow gets this movie confused with Fugitive Alien. JatB's then get a visit from Winky via Hexfield Viewscreen. He insists he is in a spaceship and has many hot girlfriends. The SOL's instruments note he's in his mom's basement in Ladysmith, Wisconsin.
Ending Segment: Crow is Joel’s guitar and Tom is the amp as Joel sings a la Winky before getting carried away with cool guitar solos. They read a letter via the Golden Throat. The Mads are still stuck in their beanbag pants, making it difficult to hit the button.
Stinger: The space traitor tosses a space chair directly at the space camera.
Review:
Another 50's science fiction flick. What is this, the 20th one? After a while, it gets pretty hard to tell them all apart, and it feels like they always have a similar plot. I just watched this movie, and I'm not 100% sure what it was about, though I guess that could be chalked up to the horribleness of this flick.
Well, I do remember the invisible ship, and the evil is sexy dressed Queen, and... Winky. That's.. about it, I guess. Regardless, the riffing was at least relatively good, though nothing too great. Same with the host segments, the bean bag pants gag was funny, and the Winky had a few chuckles in it as well. It's an alright episode, just don't expect to remember much of it later. 6/10
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I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Fourteen: Tormented Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: On an island community off New England, jazz pianist Tom Stewart is preparing to marry Meg Hubbard, the daughter of a wealthy family. His plans are jeopardized by his possessive old girlfriend, busty singer Vi Mason, who threatens to blackmail him with his old love letters. During a confrontation at the top of the island's abandoned lighthouse (which strangely sees a LOT of scenes in the movie), the railing breaks and Vi falls. Tom has a chance to save her but doesn't. Tom's relief at Vi's death soon fades when her vengeful spirit begins showing up wherever he goes. He is crazed by this, and eventually kills a "hip" ferryman who knew about Vi's visit. Unfortunately for Tom, Sandy, the young sister of Meg, sees the death. Would Tom kill a nine year old child to keep his secret safe?!
Host Segments:
Prologue: Tom Servo and Crow set up a new home in the ventilation duct over the bridge. When Gypsy tries to join them, chaos erupts.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Gypsy has entangled the bridge. Joel shows off the Aunt Catherine Wheel to help people remember all their relatives. The Mads show off the drinking jacket, perfect for the fashionable lush going through the DTs.
Segment Two: Joel tries to clean out the Crunchberries the Bots left in the vents and gets stuck; the Bots flat-out refuse to help him, trying to blackmail him for their assistance.
Segment Three: JatBs push figurines of their least favorite pop singers out of the top of a toy lighthouse, in the same manner the man in the movie "pushed" his singing girlfriend off. In the end, they feel a bit guilty. Well, not really.
Segment Four: The bots pretend to be disembodied heads to scare Joel and Gypsy. Joel outwits them by taking their bodies and leaving them in the dark.
Ending Segment: JatBs are traumatized by the film, but cure their blues by singing a song about happy thoughts. Frank joins in with his own morbid version, but Dr. Forrester leaves a live grenade beside him just before the button is pushed.
Stinger: Vi's Disembodied head: Tom Stewart killed me! Tom Stewart killed me!
Review:
Oh man, what a hilariously lame movie. They say Ed Wood is the king of terrible movies, but Mr. BIG is a very close second. The movie of the week is an example of a somewhat interesting premise muddled by the fact that it was made by such a terrible filmmaker. Maybe the dullness and stupidity of the movie pushes it into the so bad it's good territory. How can anyone take the whole "Tom Stewart killed me!" bit seriously?
I found the movie very enjoyable, and I really wasn't expecting much from it. The riffing was excellent here, and the host segments hilarious. I know I haven't been too high on this season thus far, but this had definitely been the best episode so far. This is definitely a must watch for fans and newcomers alike. 10/10
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Servo: Huh, Tormented. I feel this is aptly named.
*Vi tries to blackmail Tom Stewart, a jazz piano player.*
Vi: How would a lawsuit fit into your career, Tom? How would the piano genius of Jazz feel about that kind of publicity?
Servo: Like there hasn't been a sex scandal in jazz before.
*Vi falls over the rail and is holding on.*
Joel: Well, that's what she gets for railing against him
*After she falls off*
Crow: Hold on, I decided to save you. Oh, oops..
*Tom Stewart, after not saving an old flame and staying with his current girlfriend, is being haunted by the ghost of Vi. One of the things is that he's playing his piano, and a record keeps playing, despite him taking it off the turntable. He breaks it.*
Servo: Oh no, I got this from the library!
*Stewart is visited by Mrs. Ellis, a blind woman. He starts talking to her about ghosts.*
Mrs. Ellis: There was a family named Samuels. They lived in the last house on the beach.
Joel: On the left?
*Sandy is shown Meg's wedding ring*
Sandy: Oh Tom, it's gorgeous!
Servo (as Sandy): But things are moving too fast!
*Mrs. Ellis visits Tom.*
Mrs. Ellis: I brought some honey.
Servo (as Ellis): Or it might be motor oil.
*Mrs. Ellis goes to the lighthouse where Vi died to confront her (she thinks she's still alive.)*
Mrs. Ellis: If you don't come down here, I'll go up there.
Joel: Well, better unpack another body bag.
*Mrs. Ellis is on top of the lighthouse*
Crow: Hey, I can't see my house from here!
*After nearly falling off the lighthouse*
Joel: The dog is downstairs checking out the wanted ads.
*The ferry driver named Nick is trying to blackmail Tom, and interupts his rehearsal wedding, then leaves*
Servo (as Stewart, loudly): Um, sorry I'm the wrong Tom Stewart. Hope you find the right Tom Stewart. Huh. Mistake.
Joel (as Stewart): Seems like a really nice guy, too bad he's blackmailing me.
*During the wedding party Tom is playing the piano.*
Joel: Wait a minute, he's pulling a shift at his own party!
*After a shot of the party guests*
Crow: It's a Jazz musician's party, and not one black person is here.
*Sandy sees Tom kill Nick, and reveals herself after Tom drags him off*
Joel: Jim Hansen's Witness Babies!
*Vi's ghost walks into the church during the wedding, and all the candles go out and flowers wilt*
Crow: I'd hate to sit by THAT ghost.
*Sandy confronts Tom at the lighthouse. Tom realizes what he must do*
Servo (as Stewart): How would you like to go bungee jumping without the bungee cord?
*Tom and Sandy are on top of the lighthouse*
Stewart: You didn't tell anyone we'd be coming up here, did you?
Joel (as Sandy): Yes I did, I papered the city with fliers!
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Fifteen: The Beatniks Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
The Short's Plot Synopsis: Jessie loves her husband Phil, who is in love with another woman, who is engaged to another man. . . so Jessie decides to host a painfully awkward engagement party.
The Movie's Plot Synopsis: Eddy Crane is the leader of a gang that robs small businesses for petty cash. After a quick run in with music business executive Harry Bayliss. Bayliss learns Eddy's is a *ahem* "great singer" and wants Eddy to audition for his variety program. Eddy agrees to it, passes the audition, and is given a spot on TV. Eddy sings a two-minute song that is apparently very successful, with Bayliss calling Eddy an 'overnight sensation' and saying Eddy will have a quick rise to fame, with all sorts of goodys that come from it. Atop his success, he also immediately begins a flirtation with Bayliss's secretary Helen Tracy over his girlfriend Iris.
Eddy's stardom raises dissension among his gang, who wish either to accompany him unquestionably on his ascent, or to hold him back in their ranks. Iris is also jealous of Helen, with whom Eddy has been carrying on an affair. Helen even professes her love for Eddy. Things get worse when one of Eddy's gang members, Moon, commits a murder, threatening to drag Eddy down by association. Moon runs from the police, but is tracked down by Eddy, who delivers him for arrest. With this he also definitively separates himself from the rest of his gang and from Iris, but also destroys his prospects for a career as a singer with his own arrest.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel cruelly dominates the Bots in a painful game of rock-paper-scissors, until Gypsy crushes Joel in revenge.
Segment One/Invention Exchange: Everyone recovers from their injuries received the prologue. The Mads have developed Good Luck Troll Costumes, based on those weird little plastic troll dolls that were all the rage in the 90's. Joel demos his literal take on Pocket Pool, though he denies Tom Servo the use of the bridge.
Segment Two: The folks in the flick aren't beatniks. JatBs then decide who is and isn't beatniks. To help the folks at home, they helpfully list ways to tell if you aren't a beatnik. They think people are or aren't beatniks.
Segment Three: The Bots hold a slumber party, and discuss the dreamy Tony Travis from the movie. Turns out he's a high school pal of Joel's. They decide to call him, but it turns out he's less than inspiring.
Segment Four: Servo stars in a dramatization of the life of a 50’s rock star based on the movie, from anonymity to overnight stardom to pathetic has-been.
Ending Segment:Crow goes nuts like Peter Breck's character Mooney. Joel reads a letter in the meantime, and he and Tom debate if "dickweed" is a swear word. The Mads find their costumes less than ideal for pushing the button.
Stinger: A crazed Moon throws his gun.
Review:
This is still a pretty ****ty movie. Bad acting, no continuity, or anything really. We are informed the lead actor's a good singer (he's not.) The secretary he has the hots for is apparently hot (she's not.) The movie is supposed to make since (it doesn't.)
Maybe it's because the movie is a cobbled mess of nothing that this make for a pretty enjoyable view. Joel and the Bots have some pretty good riffs ready for this clunker, and for the short before it (another General Hospital bit that I really don't care to follow.) Overall, this is another good episode 8/10
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I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
*Jessie, Phil, Ken, and Ken's fiancee sit down to eat some cake*
Servo: There's a layer of squirrel in here!
*After Ken leaves to go check up on a patient*
Crow: Another alcohol free party ends in shame. This little playlette brought to you by the Booze Council, reminding you to always stock up on alcoholic beverages for all your social occassions, because booze really satisfies.
Joel: Booze takes a dull party and makes it better!
Servo: Boozes makes you feel better and heals all wounds!
All: B-O-O-Z-E! BOOZES!
Favorite Riffs (movie):
*During the opening credits*
Servo: Hey, it's Daddy-O!
*After robbing a ma and pop store, the thieves jump into their getaway vehicle*
Crow: Whoops, wrong car.
*Eddy and Iris, two of the "beatniks" start dancing, there's a stray poster offering a 'dish of ice cream' near the jutebox.*
Joel: A dish of ice cream? Don't tempt me.
*Eddy starts singing in the diner*
Servo: Keep it down over there!
Eddy (singing): Slow down, they tell me.
Crow: In fact they tell me to shut up.
*Harry informs Eddy he's got a "great" singing voice.*
Eddy: You call that singing? That was nothing!
Joel: That was belching!
*Harry tries to sign Eddy up on a deal after hearing him sing. While this is going on, the mechanic Harry called to get his car shows up*
Mechanic: Say, anybody here call for a mechanic?
Joel (as Harry): Wait a minute, you sound great! I'd like to sign you up.
*Harry's secretary, Helen, informs Eddy and his friends are at the office.*
Helen: Eddy Crane is here, Mr. Bayliss.
Harry (over the intercom): Good, send them in.
Crow (as Harry): I'll slip out the back.
*Helen informs Eddy his friends can't go in with him. Eddy isn't too happy*
Eddy: My friends go where I go.
Joel (as Eddy): Now, where's the bathroom?
*Eddy has the piano player start up the song he'll demo*
Joel (deeply): I am Iron Man.
*The Hotel Manager shows up after the Beatniks get too "rowdy"*
Mooney: If you say one word about this to anyone, I'll moon you.
Manager: You'll what?
Mooney (angrily): MOON YOU!
Servo: I'll hang my butt out.
*The Gus chats it up with the Beatniks for a few moments. Iris is getting a bit impatient*
Gus: Alright, alright. What will you have?
Iris: How about a menu? I'm hungry.
Servo (as Waiter): Uh, how would you like that done?
*Eddie begins to sing his hit single*
Eddie: Love wears a mask.
Servo (as Eddie): A tight leather mask..
*After a scene looking at Helen.*
Servo: She looks like Donald Sutherland in drag.
*Mooney has gone insane, and Eddy is about to snuff him, I think.*
Eddy: You're a punk.
Mooney: I came all this way so we can go off together like we always did. Remember that store we always head up? We can go down there and grab some quick loot and go down to Mexicos and be banditos!
Crow: Yeah, and grab Yoshi and ride to the Mushroom Kingdom.
--
I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
Season Four Episode Sixteen: Fire Maidens of Outer Space Network: Comedy Central Riffers: Tom Servo, Joel Robinson, and Crow T. Robot Mads: Dr. Clayton Forrester and TV's Frank
Plot Synopsis: Scientists have discovered a thirteenth moon orbiting Jupiter. The scientists ponder whether the moon can support life, and maybe if it has people living on it. To further advance scientific knowledge of this enigma, a team of astronauts are dispatched to investigate. After preparation, astronauts are sent to the Jupiter moon on a V2 rocket. Much padding ensues.
Host Segments:
Prologue: Joel does a posture check on the bots (an homage to the Posture Pals short from the previous season ). Suddenly Timmy (Crow's double) emerges from Crow’s shadow and attacks Cambot!
Segment One/Invention Exchange: The Mads present the big checkbook, like the ones companies use for prize giveaway photo ops. Unfortunately, Frank has written some checks to people who he can't remember, causing Forrester to interrogate him in a manner similar to that in It's a Wonderful Life. Joel presents the Nike Air-chelada, a 'high-tech crosstraining shoe' whose center contains 'deliciously spreadable portwine cheese'.
Segment Two: Double entendres that really aren’t double entendres so much as they are saying an ordinary phrase in a suggestive tone of voice. Timmy, however gets Crow in trouble with his suggestions.
Segment Three: Trying to replicate the rocket in the film's incredibly simple controls, Joel has built the Twin Screw Univeral Controller, a two-lever system that controls literally everything aboard the SOL. Timmy frames Crow and gets him a time-out before fiddling with the levers, with very surreal consequences.
Segment Four: Timmy snatches Tom Servo away in the theater and encases him in a pseudopod on the Satellite bridge. While Crow goes one on one with his evil double, Joel arrives with a rake and forces Timmy out the airlock a la Ripley in Aliens. Joel scolds Crow about bringing evil spectres onto the ship.
Ending Segment: The bots are having a difficult time processing what went on in the movie and Joel tries to console them. To cheer them up, he reads a letter from a little girl who says her little sister looks like Crow and her brother is slowly turning into Tom Servo. Unfortunately, it doesn't help.Timmy, meanwhile, has fallen into the hands of an unsuspecting Frank, and attacks him before the credits roll.
Stinger: One of the astronauts discovers a secret passage
Review:
Not since ROCK CLIMBING and DEEP HURTING have I seen this much padding. This movie is barely 80 minutes long (with the MST3K edit) and about 60% of THAT is them padding the film out as much as possible. Honestly, you could cut out all the long shots of nothing and stupid crap, and you'd end up with maybe a 30 minute movie. If you're lucky. This isn't even covering the terrible audio quality, the horrible actors that all look exactly alike, and the hundreds of other things wrong with this movie.
A **** movie usually ends up making for a pretty good episode, and this is no exception to that rule. Joel and the Bots had plenty of riffs for this one, and it was pretty enjoyable. To spice things up, they decided to add a bit of a story arc with the Host Segments, with Timmy (read: The Crow puppet for the theater bits) who was obviously evil and Joel was oblivious to the fact until it was almost too late. The whole arc is pretty funny, and it is interesting to see what the Crow puppet looks like outside the theater. Overall, this is a pretty fun episode, though nothing too memorable or hilarious. 7.5/10
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I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg
*During the opening scenes, we see a sign at the airport informing us that this scene is at the... London Airport. Apparently, this is the case of California Doubling*
Crow: Yep, this is London, pretty much. Can't believe how much I'm in London. Really, really London.
*An American scientist is picked up at the "London Airport" and gets into an American car.*
Servo: Welcome to Burbank - Er, London jolly old chap.
Joel: Hand me that steering wheel, I'll drive.
*They start driving on the wrong side of the road for beign in England.*
Crow (yelling): On the left, on the left! DICKWEED!
Servo: Maybe it's Canada pretending to be London?
*While the two scientists are looking up the "new' moon of Jupiter, we hear traffic driving around. I should note that the scene is in a FARAWAY OBSERVATORY WITH NOTHING BUT FIELDS ANYWHERE*
Crow: There's traffic in space.
Servo: Think they should have built the observatory at tbe bus station? Bad idea.
*We get an outside shot from the surface of the 13th moon of Jupiter. However, this shot seems VERY familiar*
Crow: King Dinosaur? KING DINOSAUR?! I'm leaving. I'm out of here.
*One of the men on the way to the moon is checking the atmosphere pressure outside.*
Servo(?): We got a helium leak back here sir, it's not very good.
*We get an establishing shot of Jupiter's Moon*
Crow: Jupiter! America's dairyland!
*The five man crew get a signal on the moon.*
Luther: That must be the signal. Captain, close the hatch*
*All five men turn and look up.*
Crow: Well, just take our word for it, the hatch is closed.
*After hearing a scream*
Luther Blair: Sounds like a human voice.
Crow: Wow, they ARE scientists.
*The five men find the woman screaming, who is being attacked by the creature. One of them takes a picture*
Joel: Why don't one of you HELP HER?!
*Captain Larson and Blair meet Prasus, the last man of New Atlantis.*
Prasus: You are weary after your flight. Food and drink will provide the necessary sustenance.
Joel: They always do.
*One of the Fire Maidens wanders around, while the others snatch her, then tie her up*
Crow: Whoa-ho. Someone's filmed my dreams!
*During a relatively mundane scene..*
Crow: What's with the triumphant music?!
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I have the best beard on Board 8. Proof: http://img155.imageshack.us/img155/50/photo2366j.jpg