Current Events > Experimental CYOA: You might be trapped in a simulation

(+) Yeah! (+)

Evi: Request the Cursed Sword of Ba'al

You shove the other two aside and stare at the Dragon with twinkling eyes. "I! Really want!! The Cursed Sword of Ba'al. Thank you."

The Dragon looks up in thought for a bit, then nods. "Alright, cool. Let's go play some craps then!"

With that, a craps table emerges from the ground between you and the Dragon, only this table's completely dyed in crimson compared to the green of the other tables around you.

Dani stands with overbearing confidence. "Bring on the dice!"

He grins and materializes a pair of obsidian-black dice. "I'm feeling pretty damn generous today. How's this sound; I'll give you three rolls to roll just a single seven." He slides the dice over to Dani. "Good luck."

Nobert stands next to Dani. "I got a bad feeling about this game. Are you sure we got this?"

Dani holds the dice with shaky hands. "Oh, uh, yes! Absolutely. Uh, I, uh, was hoping I'd be using the same dice as the ones back at the table."

You stand on the other side of her and put a hand on her shoulder. "Well, it was one heck of an adventure with you guys. Tell my motorcycle I love her."

Her hand continues to shake.

Nobert yanks the dice and stares down the Dragon. "Fuck that noise. We got three tries." He tosses them into the air. "It's not hard to get lucky!"

The Dragon flashes a grin just before the dice hits the table.

Snake eyes.

The three of you can't help but feel the heavy judgement coming from the dice.
Suddenly, a prompt appears above it: [ Examine: Loaded Dice ]

Your eyes widen. As you slowly look back up to the Dragon, you meet his shit-eating grin with your own scowl. "You're flippin' cheatin'!! Let us use normal ol' dice!"

He lets out a mischievous laugh. "Cheating? Brothas, I don't recall you guys saying anything about what kind of dice to roll. All I heard was that I'll be seeing a 7 here." He slides them back to you, still grinning. "So let's see it."

You stomp wildly, then yank the other two into a huddle. "What are we gonna do now?!"

Nobert sighs. "I don't fucking know. We're being conned here."

You pout. "Yeah, no duh genius!" You glance at the Dragon, then back to your group. "I just thoughta somethin'. He just expects a 7 right? At this point, it ain't even craps. We just gotta con him back!"

Nobert flashes an unnatural smile. "I love this plan! It was so simple this whole time!" He then droops it back. "I'mma go befriend Zombradley now so I can get a head start on zombiehood. Have fun--"

You yank him back into the huddle before he could move another muscle.

Dani brings her arms in, lessening her presence.

What will you guys do?
---

Dani: Do that thing where you hack the dice again?
---

Bump
---

shoutout to @Kircheis and @0AbsoluteZero0 for being very engaged with this, you tha real homies

>Dani: Do the thing where you hack the dice

You hesitate for a bit, then finally decide to speak up. "I'll...I'll win this for us. However, I require time to focus, so please buy it for me."

Evi looks at you with doubt. "Are you sure? I was expectin' your wizard stuff like, a roll ago--"
Nobert flicks her in the forehead. "Asshole. Didn't you say you trusted her? Get your ass ready for distracting already."

Evi pouts for a bit, then apologetically smiles at you before looking back at the Dragon. "Heyooo! So. Hypothetically, what kind of girth can I expect from your version of the sword--"

The Dragon facepalms. "Fucking...not this shit again."

You take a deep breath and begin to psyche yourself up with your eyes closed
[ Focus: 10% ]

You can do this. It's no different from any other game.
[ Focus: 20% ]

Uh. Probably. Fuck, there sure is a lot at stake here.
[ Focus: 15% ]

Why the hell did you wager your own souls immediately? Are you a new breed of dumbass?
[ Focus: 10% ]

You open your eyes to re-orient your thoughts. You immediately see Evi stomping.

"The heck d'ya mean the sword doesn't have a fuller?!" Evi screams at the Dragon. "What is this, the 14th century? Is your blacksmith dying of the flippin' plague?!"

The Dragon looks like he's being backed into a corner mentally. "I, uh, look, I've only seen it once okay? Some lady tried to sell it to me and--"

Evi continues her verbal assault. "That ain't an excuse! That sword goes for like a hundred thousand Icas and I'm pretty sure these flippin' chips o'yours can fetch much more than that! Yank it from her if you gotta!"

He scratches the back of his head. "Well, see, she'd probably kill me if I--"

Evi just glares at him.

You let out a gentle sigh. She's trying so hard for you. You definitely can't let this go to waste.

>Nobert:

You know damn well this isn't her trying hard to help Dani. You look away from the mental carnage of the scene as Evi lets out the wrath of her inner sword-fucker.

>Dani:

You take another deep breath.
...For some reason, it's kinda hard to focus.

[ Focus: 10% ]

And for some other reason, Evi's smile pops into your thoughts.

[ Focus: 50% ]

What the fuck are you thinking about, you fucking virgin wizard?!
Your eyes jolt open, and you meet eyes with Nobert. You nod at him.

He nods back and throws the dice into the air.

The Dragon wipes the sweat off his forehead. "Oh thank fuck, we're finally playing some craps babey!"

Evi grumbles and continues to glare at the Dragon, causing him to laugh awkwardly and look away.

The dice reaches its apex. Your eyes dilate as you zero in your vision on nothing but the dice.

[ Overwrite activated. ]

Everything turns black again, with walls of 1's and 0's surround you and the dice. The panels appear once again, and the 30 second timer starts to count down now.

You scroll through the code once again and attempt to repeat the process as last time.
Except...none of this code makes sense. It's all jumbled garbage to you.

Your eyes widen. "E...encryption?! Does...does the Dragon know about me?"

20 seconds left. You open up a new panel and attempt to program something to break through this, but your typing is too unstable; you keep making typos and your fingers keep slipping off the keyboard panel. There's no way in hell you could possibly make this happen in 20 seconds.

5. 4. 3. 2. 1.

You close your eyes.
---

In the next second, all you hear is the reverberating sound of the dice clacking against the table. You slowly open your eyes to the Dragon grinning smugly once again.

"Aww, snake eyes again," the Dragon says while doing a mocking crying gesture. "Boohoo. You guys got one more shot." He slides it back to your side. "Better make it count. Hahahaha!"

[ Focus: 20% ]

You fall to your knees. "I'm a failure...I've doomed us all..."

Nobert looks at you with concern. "Don't worry about it, okay?! Just try again! We'll do what we do best!--"

The Dragon roars with flames. "No. Fuck these distractions, dudes!" He waves his hand, making a HUD panel appear above him: [ 1:00 ]
"If you don't roll within the next minute, I'll consider it your loss!"

You look away from them. "Just...just roll it. Please."

Evi turns around to look at you and stomps her foot. "Dani! Don't be like this! I know dang well you can do this!"

You stay silent while looking to the ground.

She grits her teeth and turns back to the table, yanking the dice.

The Dragon yawns. "30 seconds, brothas."

Her hand shakes with tension, firmly holding onto the dice. She turns around once more. "Dani!! C'mon!!--"

A moment of silence ensues. Well, not complete silence, but rather the sloppy wet sound of a soaked mop being dragged by Zombradley as he walks between you and Evi. "Guhhh....w..wedd...floor..." he mumbles.

[ 0:10 ]

Evi nearly crushes the dice with how tightened her fist is. She runs up and yanks the collar of Zombradley's shirt. "Are ya flippin serious right now?! You punk! I'm tryna have a moment here!! I'M ABOUT TO BECOME ONE OF YOU DAMMIT!" She shakes Zombradley around violently. "AND YOU HAVE THE FLIPPIN AUDACITY TO--"

Amidst the scuffle, Evi slips on the wet floor, sending the dice upwards and sending her stumbling towards you.

You look forward again to see what's happening, only to suddenly have your vision obstructed by...Evi's eyes?
You feel a soft sensation on your lips for a brief moment, then that same soft sensation slides down your cheek as Evi finishes her stumbling, leaving her lying face-down next to you. Your face glows with immense red as your mind becomes completely blank.

[ Focus: 100% ]
[ 0:05 ]

The only thing moving now is the dice in the air, which is what your eyes instinctually zero into.

[ Overwrite: Overflow activated. ]

This time, you're surrounded by nothing but white. No 0's or 1's. No timer. Just you and the dice.

In this moment, there's only one thing you're set on doing: Hacking this bitch.

The code panel appears before you once again, still jumbled from encryption. You open up another panel to start programming once more.

Your breathing becomes more and more intense, with the typos starting to show up.

You exhale slowly to re-stabilize yourself. "For...the party...."

The program is finished. You try to get it running, but it's exhibiting errors.

"NO!! Please, I--" You slap yourself before you freak out any further. Another deep breath. "For...your friends."

You look carefully at your program until you finally find the culprit; a fucking missing semicolon. Goddamn amateur hour.

You run it once again, this time without any errors. Nothing eventful happens for a while, leaving you trapped with your own anxious thoughts. Is this really gonna work? How long will you have to wait? Did you just trap yourself here for all of eternity? What if--

The code panel changes itself. It looks like something coherent to you once again.
---

Your eyes lighten up as you begin re-writing the code, just as you did with the other dice.
Read-only, on. 03 and 04 again.

You hesitate before hitting the enter key. Your hand wanders over to your lips, still moist from that soft sensation earlier.

"For...for her!!" You scream as you spear through the enter key once more.

The white void around you dissolves into pixels.

The Dragon's eyes widen the moment the dice land into place. "Wh...what the fuck? You actually rolled a seven?!"

Nobert pumps his fist in the air. "Hell yeah! Suck it you oversized lizard!"

[ New skill acquired: Overwrite Overload (Any, usable at 100% Focus, Hack any small object with no time limit) ]

Evi sits up slowly, still a little shaken from stumbling. "Wait...we won?" Her face shines with a very wide grin as she embraces you. "We won!!! Oh my lord! We get the flippin' sword!!!!!! I knew you could do it Dani!"

Your focus is completely drained, leaving you fully awake to what's going on. You realize that Evi is full on squeezing you, making you steam out from your ears as you redden with the intensity of the sun.

The Dragon massages his temples. "Fuck. Fuck! Alright, fine." He snaps his fingers, causing the doors behind you to disappear. A white silhouette also appears in the air, which splits into three. Each of them fly to each of you. They then pixelize into form, revealing that they're full sets of pristine Angel Wings.

Nobert's mouth is agape. "Oh. Shit. Nice." He looks at the Wings pensively. "Hmm...these kinda cramp my style. You got any cooler looking Wings? Maybe something like yours?"

The Dragon sighs. "Y'all are a picky bunch. Damn." He snaps again, transforming Nobert's wings into a pair of obsidian-black scaly reptilian-style Dragon Wings.

Nobert - [ Dragon Wings acquired. ]
Evi - [ Angel Wings acquired. Free space granted to accomodate for full memory. ]
You - [ Angel Wings acquired. Allocated to HDD. ]

Evi lets go of you and stands up straight, crossing her arms and glaring at the Dragon.

He grins awkwardly. "Right right, you damn sword slut. Here." He snaps, materializing a black, demonic-looking sword in front of her.

Her eyes sparkle and drool drips out from her mouth. "My..." she yanks it out of the air. "My love! You've returned to me!" She instinctively tries to run her finger through the edge again, but the X-shaped wound that was there suddenly erupts in black flames the moment it gets close to the blade. She blinks in surprise, then tries to pixelize it into her inventory, but nothing happens.

She pouts and walks over to Nobert. "Dangit. My inventory's full. Mind holdin' onto her for me?"

Nobert gives her the unnatural smile once again. "Aww, thank you for the free sword Erica!" He yanks it off her hands and pixelizes it. "What a great pal you are!--"

She death-grips his wrist and looks at him with cold, bloodshot eyes. "You are in possession of my wife right now. If you do anything at all to her, I will sacrifice your blood to her."

He gulps and nods silently.

She lets go and smiles again. "Thanks Nobrain! You're the best!"

The Dragon taps his foot. "Alright, y'all done now? Great! Now get the fuck out. Y'all are banned from here, ya hear?!" With that, he snaps once again.

Your vision gets engulfed by white light, then it clears up to the sight of the outside of the cave. A new sign has appeared in front of it: [ NO WEENIES ALLOWED ]

You see the other two with you, dusting off their clothes.
---

Nobert stands up tall. "Yes. Hell yes. This is happening." He spreads out his arms, materializing the Dragon Wings on his back. He then lets out one big flap with them, sending out a gust of wind around you guys. "THIS. IS FUCKING. HAPPENING."

Evi pouts. "Hey! No fair, I wanted t'do that first!" She follows suit in pixelizing her Angel Wings. As they spread out, glowing feathers float downwards around you guys, making your surroundings look ethereal.

You can't help but stare at her.

She smiles at you. "What's up Dani? Aintcha gonna get your Wings out too?"

Your blink a bit to snap out of your trance. "Oh! Uh, yes. Right. Wings!" You wander through your inventory and try to equip them.

[ Cannot equip item in HDD. Please swap out one item from RAM. ]

You sigh in frustration and look at what you have equipped. Your eye particularly zeroes in on the Satela Pendant. As much as you don't like looking at it, you can't help but keep it on. You swap out the Miku Plushie.

[ Angel Wings allocated to RAM. Equipped to WINGS ]

With that, you feel a warm, white glow on your back, along with a rain of feathers around you. Without thinking much about it, you flap them naturally, blowing wind around you and your party members. Controlling them feels organic, like they've been a part of you this whole time. You let out a laugh. "This is...most exhilarating! Haha!"

The three of you take off to the sky simultaneously. The greenery of the forest looks like grass now. You can also see Initium Village all the way from here.

Evi flies circles around you and Nobert. "Holy smokes! This is flippin' amazin'! Everythin' looks so tiny from here! Man, I can't believe birds have it so good!"

Nobert flies around her in a helix-like path. "Congrats on admitting you're a pigeon. I'll send my regards to every car parked on the streets."

Evi matches his helix path, forming something like a Sky-DNA. "Puttin' words in my mouth, are ya?! You wanna go?!"

He grins and flies away. "See you at the finish line!"

Evi pouts and flies after him. "Wait ya doof! Y'didn't say where we're goin'!"

You look up to the Green Vortex. "Both of you! We musn't lose sight of our objective!"
They're too far now. You fly after them. "Fellow party members, please slow down! We must make haste to the Vortex or we shall lose!"

He circles back around towards you. "Wait, lose? I thought you said we have no time limit?

You cover your mouth. "Uh...please forget what I just said. But trust me when I say we must hurry to the next area."

He crosses his arms. "Dani, that's not something very trustworthy to say. C'mon, you clearly know a lot about this game than we do, what are you hiding from us?"

Evi follows behind. "Ha! I guess I win by default!" She notices tension in the air. "Oh, we're bein' serious now. Gotcha."

You twiddle your fingers. "We're being watched. Or rather, evaulated."

They raise an eyebrow.

You look at them with less hesitation. "Do you remember anything about what you we're doing just before you entered the game?"

They look at each other, then back at you. Nobert speaks up. "You know, I guess I don't. Weird. I definitely remember all about myself and what I do."

"Yeah, same here," Evi chimes in. "I remember all my old friends and stuff from the real world. Then the game kinda just...happened while I was workin'."

You nod at them. "Good. Please hold those memories dear. You're probably in this game because there's something you desperately need to change in your lives."
---

Nobert scratches his head. "Like what? Man, you're being really vague. C'mon, just tell us what the deal is."

You look away. "I apologize. I cannot reveal more than this. It will be very...disadvantageous to me if I do. I can only ask for your trust on the matter."

His frustration starts getting more apparent on his face, but that quickly dissipates from Evi smacking him.

"Oh, lighten up dangit!" Evi flies over to your side. "She helped us out a lot, didn't she? We'd be really screwed if it weren't for her!"

Nobert rubs his head, then sighs in defeat. "Yeah. You're right. My bad. That said, I might still wanna fuck around on these Wings."

Evi circles him again. "Yeah, these are pretty fun!"

You sigh. What shall you guys do now?

...

>???: Enter the plot.

You are an average office intern. Or at least, you seem as average as your peers.

You look over to the cubicle next to you, where your co-worker Brady sits. He looks average too. You've been staring at him for about 10 seconds now, yet he remains focused on his work as the sound of his keyboard clacks go uninterrupted. Brady's gonna be a tough nut to crack.

You try to spark a conversation with him. "Hey Brady, how's your team looking?"

He replies, still keeping his focus on his computer. "Well, they're still stuck at the first level. And their Seer almost broke her confidentiality. I had to give them so many pushes so they could catch up."

You stand up and loom over behind him, taking a look at the monitor. There, you see three people fooling around in the sky.

Brady's hands stop. He abruptly moves out of his chair and walks briskly to the bathroom. "Could you monitor them in my place for a bit?"

Like hell you'll just be here watching. You already do too much of nothing at this job. You take a nice seat and look at what's on the screen. On the corner of the screen, there's a window full of buttons and controls such as:

[ Show prompt - (type prompt here), (target players) ]
[ Show message - (type message here), (target players) ]
[ Spawn NPC - (NPC type), (quantity) ]
[ Spawn Item - (Item type), (quantity) ]
[ Teleport Player - (target players), (location) ]

What do you do?
---

lmao TC doesn't like my input. Gee I wonder why

spawn gold ornamented treasure chest above them
---

;A; you too @MelzezDoor you also a real homie
---

Surprise! The chest is filled with a never-ending swarm of angry bees programmed to chase these idiots into the Green Vortex!
---

>???: Spawn gold ornamented treasure chest above them

You rub your hands together and click on [ Spawn Item ].

>Nobert (and the others):

You look down instensely into the forest. "Hmm...I spy...something green."

Evi flies to your side with her arms crossed. "Is it trees."

Dani flies to your other side, also looking in the same direction. "Fools, it is clearly grass."

You bop the back of both of their heads. "Nope. It's actually--"

Suddenly, you see a shadow loom over Evi. You look up for a moment, then back away from her slightly.
Dani tries to say something, but you also yank her back.

Evi raises an eyebrow. "Well? The heck were ya looking at--"

In the next moment, she gets crushed by a sizable gold chest, knocking her out and sending her plummeting.

You rush to catch the chest, while Dani rushes to catch Evi. You then fly back to her, noticing her reddened face. "This thing. This is what I spy."

Dani tilts her head. "That, uh, does not look green to me."
Evi would say something, but stars are orbiting her head right now.

You shake it a bit and hear something light inside. "Should I open it?"

Dani looks at it pensively. "I don't find this a rational decision, opening mysterious treasures that fall out of the sky--"

"Trick question, I'm opening it," you openly say, opening it out in the open.

>???: Surprise

You take a sip of Brady's coffee, but quickly grimace. "Egh. Too bitter."

>Nobert (and Dani): Flee

You scream as you fly upwards. "Someone wanna tell me what kind of sick fuck puts in a swarm of goddamn bees in a chest?!

Dani flies around you erratically, most likely from panic, but still clinging unto Evi tightly. "I really hope we've learned something here!"

You look behind you to see that there are even more bees, to the point where they're forming a blanket covering the entire lower altitude. "Yeah, I learned that we gotta get the fuck on outta here!"

Dani gets even more frantic with her flight. "We've no choice then! Let us make haste to the Green Vortex!"

You fly next to her. "That almost sounds responsible, and you know I don't like responsibility."

Dani flies ahead of you. "I truly question how you've managed to become employed."

"That's pretty simple--" you hear the buzzing get louder, "You know what, I'll take responsibility over bees."

With that, the three of you zoom towards the Green Vortex.
A prompt appears in the middle of your HUD: [ Ascend ]

Without a second thought, you focus in on it. The Vortex then expands, engulfing your vision with bright green. "I lied, this is what I spy."

In the next moment, everything goes black.

...

(Choose your character)

---

>???:

You laugh to yourself at the stunt you pulled. "I am such a genius. Bees. Heh."
In the corner of your eye, you spot your boss fast approaching your area. Oh shit. You can't be seen fooling around. Then again, Brady did ask you to cover him.

What do you do?
---

Go back to your desk and try to look like you're being productive, knowing full well you don't give actually give a shit.
---

>???: Go back to your desk and try to look like you're being productive, knowing full well you don't give actually give a shit.

That's right, you don't give a shit! You move back to your own desk, still holding Brady's coffee in hand.

The boss looms over you. "Intern. Status report."

You quickly tab back into Microsoft(TM) Word(R) and pretend that you're typing a shitty report. "Uh, nothing new I guess?" you say, while actually typing out your grocery list.

He quickly changes his demeanor with a very shitty smile. "Wonderful! Glad to see you're working hard as always, intern! Oh, make sure you leave a good word about me with your father, alright?"

You sigh. "Dude, I barely talk to him. Seriously, stop sucking up to me just cuz he's the CEO. You're not gonna get a raise."

He then slouches with a very tired exhale. "Cheh. No dice today, huh? Whatever. You're lucky I can't fire you, cuz I would have thrown your ass out that window the moment you got hired."

You take a sip from Brady's mug. "Sounds pretty unlucky to me. This job sucks four entire lemons."

He smacks you in the back of the head. "You'll be sucking five if you don't get your act together, intern." He then hands you a card. "Anyways, go and take this to Clara from the Lower Division. She left it here."

You groan. "Get your dumb secretary to do it."

He sneers at you. "That 'dumb secretary' happens to be higher in position than you. Sorry kiddo. You're our gopher til you get promoted."

You sigh and yank the card while taking another sip. "I take it back, this job sucks six entire lemons."

With that, you head to the elevator and smack the button for the 20th floor where the Lower Division resides. Luckily, that won't be a long trip since it's only 5 floors below you.

The elevator stops after one floor. The moment the doors open, some lady bolts in frantically.

"Gotta hurry, please move!" She says with a strained voice, then pushes you aside as she shuffles over to the buttons and spams the 14th floor button.

The elevator doors then close, and you're left with awkward silence that's barely being filled by the sounds of her panting.

You take a sip of coffee.

She eyes your mug, then quickly backs away from you. "I-I-I-I-I'm terribly sorry, Mr. Brady, sir!"

You raise an eyebrow.

She looks at you with slightly frightful yet respecting eyes. "I heard the rumors. You're Iron Brady of the Mid Division! Everyone else in the division thinks you're a robot, and that you're trying to disguise yourself as a human using your signature coffee mug!"

Oh boy. This is quite the misunderstanding. Could be fun to mess with her though.

What do you say?
(Also, still need a character to be chosen between the three in the simulation)
---

You have discovered my secret. Beep boop. (aka be a smartass)

Character: Evi
---

bump
---

>???: Be a smartass

You hold Brady's mug up to your face menacingly, or at least, you hope it looks menacing. "You've discovered my secret...beep boop," you say monotonously, taking a sip.

The lady retreats all the way to the corner opposite of you. "You can talk?!"

You try to wear the blankest face you could despite how much you wanna grin for fucking with her. "I am fully equipped with a robo-voice. Beep..." you can't hold it in anymore. "Boo--fffft, Iron Brady, that's rich! Just how wild are these rumors?"

She looks away. "Golly, I don't think I could say them directly to you, Mr. Brady. You're the main boss of the Mid Division after all!"

You take an amused sip. You gotta wonder what kind of shit Brady's done to amass these rumors.

Time to ride it all the way. "Mr. Brady's a little too formal. Just call me Boss."

She blinks a few times. "Eh? Is it really okay to just--"

"Yeah yeah," you sip again, "totally, uhhh..."

She stands up straight and bows her head. "Ah, I'm Casey from the Mid Division! Though, I'm just an intern--"

You interrupt her with a very loud sip. "When were you hired?"

She raises her head, but lowers it again the moment she makes eye contact with you. "The, uh, about a month and a half--"

Another loud sip. Fuck. A half, she says. She's technically above you. Not that she knows that. "Well Casey, hope you come to hate this job as much as I do. What are you in such a rush for anyway?"

She jumps a bit. "Ah! That's right! I needed to deliver some papers to Ms. Clara from the Lower Division!"

You take a long, quiet sip. "That's great Casey. So, uh, where are the papers?"

She looks at her hands. Empty hands, that is. "Ah," was all she could muster.

"Also, she's over at the 20th, not the 14th."

She falls to her knees. "Ah," was all that she could say yet again.

You put on a shit-eating grin. "Uh oh, what a rookie mistake you made, Clara! Two of them, in fact! You know what this means."

Her face remains blank. However, tears start welling up in her eyes. She then springs forward and grabs your leg. "AAUUGH, please don't fire me Mr. Boss Brady sir! I really need this job! I can't afford to lose the healthcare benefits!"

How do you respond?
---

Bored now, I'm not actually Mr. Brady I'm just fucking with you.

Flippantly drop Mr. Brady's coffee mug because why am I even still drinking this sludge?
---

nikko004 posted...

;A; you too @MelzezDoor you also a real homie

Nope nope IT'S TOO LATE

Ask her specifically why she can't afford to lose them. Then with as much force as he can muster jump up and down in the elevator making robotic noises.
---

>???: Ask her about the healthcare thing

"Hmm..." You crouch down, bringing your shitty grin closer to her. "Healthcare, huh? What do you need for so badly?"

She lets go of you and sits cross-legged to match your altitude. "Well sir, I'm, um, well, I'm kind of dying. Being insured helps to slow that down without drowning me in debt."

You spring back up, laughing. "Dying, that's rich! Shit, why do you even bother delaying the inevitable?"

She slowly stands back up, keeping her head down while looking up at you. "I'm...not really sure if I have an answer to that." She scratches her head, then looks straight at you with a faint smile. "But if I had to say, maybe because no one wants to accept that they're dying?"

You take another long, quiet sip, up til the last damn bitter drop in the mug, then you let gravity embrace it towards its shattered fate. "Bored now. Thanks for the entertainment Casey, but I'm not actually Mr. Brady."

She backs away, slowly looking more and more afraid. "Eh?"

You start stomping erratically. "Beep."

She moves back all the way to the corner again. "You're...you're scaring me here, Mr. Brady or who...whoever you are."

Your stomping continues. However, one of your stomps land on a shard of the mug, sending it towards your cheek. "Boop."

Suddenly, the elevator lights flicker. You look to the floor indicator and see that it's not displaying anything. The lights then dim themselves to the point where you can only barely make out Casey's face.
In the next moment...loud screeching, and an abrupt tugging feeling--something like a bungee cord yanking you by the stomach. Of course, there's no bungee here. You know full well what's going on, and you can't even bring yourself to panic.

Casey curls up into her corner, shivering and jittering like hell. "Help! What's going on?!"

You sigh and smudge the blood off of your cheek as you glare into her with somber eyes. "Y'know Casey, you got one thing pretty wrong here. Brady's the farthest thing from a robot. But me? I'm plenty much like one. Living life like one. Even got the same philosophical outlook as one. I need something that'll make me feel human again."

The screeching gets even louder. You continue anyway. "I don't even know what the fuck I'm saying anymore. I don't even know why I'm telling you this shit. If I gotta say, it's probably cuz you got one other thing really, really wrong here."

She holds herself tightly. "Mr. Br...sir, how can you be so calm at this time?!"

You slowly lie down and stare at the dimmed lights. "I've already accepted death."

The screeching halts, alongside a sudden force permeating throughout the back of your body.

Surprisingly, it only kind of hurt for a bit, but it wasn't something that was gonna kill you. You sit back up and see Casey hyperventillating. Your hand wanders the ground til you find the handle of what was formerly Brady's mug, then you toss it at her head.

Upon it hitting her, she stops her attack and ends up coughing, then she recomposes herself slowly. "We...we're alive?"

A robotic voice then plays from the elevator speaker. "Welcome, Employee #049, Clara."
With that, the doors then open to a blue mist, which clears up to a dimly lit hallway.

You groan a bit as you get to your feet. "I don't know what the hell just happened, but I'm guessing it has to do with Clara's dumb card."

With little hesitation, you slowly walk out the doors and through the hallway.
With some hesitation, Casey follows behind.
---

Casey reaches her arm out momentarily in an attempt to tap you on the shoulder, but then she pulls back.

You continue walking nonchalantly, basking in the sound of echoing footsteps and shaky breathing.
You finally reach the end of the hallway, where you stand before a large set of hi-tech-looking doors. They slide open as you approach them, and there you're met with an outlandish site.

It's a large room lined with large tubes, each filled with glowing blue liquid.
But most importantly, there's a naked person floating in each of these tubes.

People in lab coats scurry around the room, checking the monitors placed before each of the tubes, then they tap on their tablets as they observe each person closely.

Your eyes widen slightly, since you're only mildly surprised.
Casey on the other hand hides behind you, clutching your shirt.

One of the labcoaters facing away from you holds up their tablet. "Ah, Clara! Glad you've finally arrived--" he turns around and goes on a facial journey from a smile to a look of utter disappointment. "You. Are definitely not Clara."

You casually walk in with your hands in your pockets. "What do you mean? I'm totally her." You take out the card. "See? Here's my ID."

He scratches his unkept beard as he sets his tablet aside. "Don't joke with me. You're the infamous interns of the Mid Division, messing everything up for everyone on the middle floors!"

Casey continues to stay silent while hiding behind you.

You put the card back in your pocket. "Entry-level pay, entry-level effort." You whistle while taking a gander at all the tubes. Notably, you see the bare bodies of the three people under Brady's management. "Sooo, the hell is all this shit, huh?" You glare daggers at him. "I thought this was all just a game."

He backs away from you, obviously sensing a malicious aura from you. "You're not even supposed to be here. This is highly classified. Leave at once and I'll ensure that your punishment will not be as severe--"

"No need for all that," booms out a voice from behind you. A voice you'd recognize anywhere; your father's.

His heavy footsteps grow louder as he walks towards you.

Casey moves to your side, still clutching on to your shirt in cowering silence.

You don't bother turning around. Heck, you don't even bother acknowledging him.

His shadow looms over you. "These two can hear all about our project, if they can agree to be a part of it afterwards."

You narrow your eyes.

What do you d--

His hands slam on your and Casey's shoulders. "That was an order, by the way. Agreeing, I mean."

You sigh, then swat his hands away as you turn to face him, all the way up there. You always hated just how huge he was, rivalling even professional basketball players. "Ooh, I'm so scared old man. What're you gonna do if I don't wanna. You gonna spank me? Help guys, daddy wants to spank me."

The bearded labcoater covers his face with his tablet.

Your father facepalms. "Don't...don't say it like that. Look. You two don't have much of a choice here. You stumbled upon an extremely classified secret here. Even if you are my son, I can't let you leave peacefully having witnessed this."

You groan. "Alright, quit your bitchin' already old man. I wasn't planning on being sunshine and rainbows about this anyway." You grin slightly. "Too interesting to pass up after all."

He grunts. "I'll take that as your agreement." He looks over to the shivering mess next to you. "Ms. Casey, do I have your word as well?"

She gulps. "I...I just don't want to be fired. Or hurt."

He smiles. "I think I heard a yes. I can't promise the latter though."
---

She holds herself again, looking down to the ground.

You pick your nose. "Alright, so fess up. You makin' zombies or some shit? Bioweapons? Lay it on me, I've seen enough sci-fi bullshit to not be surprised."

He paces around the room. "We're simply gathering data here. You know what our company does, right?"

Casey looks at him, still keeping her head down. "We...um, we develop games, don't we? Among other things."

He nods. "Bingo. We make games. And this project is our biggest one yet. To almost everyone in this building, it's just a really complex Virtual Reality Game."

He continues pacing again. "However, to everyone in this room, it's the bridge to evolution! Our subject's minds have all been uploaded into our game. But until we can truly evolve, we must keep our subjects suspended and sustained, so we may keep them alive and ready for giving data."

You let out a really exhausted-sounding sigh. "Oh fuck. Daddy's gone crazy. Look, spare me the bullshit and do what you gotta do to me already. I can already tell this project's just a giant fucking ego trip."

He laughs. "An ego trip? Perhaps! But son, what you're witnessing here is the first steps to digitalizing society! And to do that, we need results! People to really give it their all for results! So we've promised all these test subjects a handsome reward of one simple wish. Any wish within the means of money and power. And all they have to do...is win."

You blink a few times. "You. Are really bonkers. And dumb. First of all, I dunno if you've noticed, but a lot of the players got memory loss already. They don't even know what the game's about! And they never will, thanks to the Seers having to keep their mouths shut."

He walks up to you and wags his finger. "Tsk tsk. I don't remember raising a failure in the field of science. Do you not know what a control in an experiment is? We have some teams playing for the reward, and the rest simply playing for fun. We need our data to be as varied as possible after all."

You massage the bridge of your nose. "Alright. Gotcha. You can stop there. I can tell you a million problems with all of this, but I'll just get an aneurysm doing so. Look, seriously, just tell me what you want me to do in this horseshit project."

He claps his hands together. "Wonderful! Simple really. Shameful as it is, our game feels rather...incomplete."

You sneer. "Who would have fucking guessed."

He claps again, this time in your face. "We...need a gatekeeper to guard the path to victory. A true gatekeeper, mind you. Our current one is nothing but flimsy code. An overtly simplistic final villain. A difficult one, but not a meaningful one." He puts his hand on your shoulder. "That's where we need you. I need you, son, to be a villain. A truly human, truly genuine villain. The perfect antagonist." He looks to your side. "Of course, I ask the same of you, Ms. Casey."

She relunctanly nods.

You sigh and swat his hand away again, then put your arm around Casey and yank her towards you. Apathetic as you might be, you gotta soften up your dad's damage to others. "Well, can't say no anyway. Just go and strip me already, Daddy."

His brow twitches. "Seriously. Can you stop saying it like that--"

You clear your throat. "OHO. DADDY. PLEASE. I'VE BEEN NAUGHTY." You click your tongue. "C'mon Daddy. You've seen my willy many times as a kid."

He adjusts his collar. "Son. You will stop this at once--"

You snicker. "Heh. You're trying to evolve humanity, but you can't even evolve past these nuts. Load me up in the tube already, I'm sick of your crap."
---

>Evi: Awaken

Your vision slowly returns to you; you're greeted with the fuzzy sight of Dani's back as she sits on a bed staring out a sunny window. Looking around more, you see that you're in a homely room with a few beds in it. Probably an inn.

She turns around the moment she hears you moving about, and her face instantly brightens up. "Evi!" She jumps out and stands by your bedside. "I'm most glad you are alive!"

You rub your head, still feeling a bit of throbbing there. "Yeah, I'm glad I'm alive too. I think. What in blazes clobbered me anyways?"

She walks to the window and closes the curtains. "Irrelevant information at the moment. All you need to know..." She twirls around dramatically, even flapping the curtains as though it was her cape, "...is that we're finally on the path to victory! And I, the Grandest Wise Wizard Dani Satellyte, will seize it with my own hands--"

Her grand speech gets interrupted by a certain black butterfly fluttering into her mouth, causing her to cough him out.

You hold your finger out for him to land. "Thank you, Peon." You then look back at Dani. "So, can ya, uh, translate all that?"

She bows her head. "We've finally ascended beyond the first Green Vortex. In other words..." She opens up the curtains again, "we're in the second stage," she says with her most dramatic and brooding voice.

You look at her, unamused. "Yeah, no duh genius. I can count. And why'd ya even cover up the window if you were just gonna open it up again?! Jeez Louise, Dani, ya make me lose my marbles sometimes."

She blinks a bit, then covers up the curtains again with a smug grin. "I know what I am doing, Evi! I'm a great wizard, after all!--"

You yawn and get out of bed. "Ya sure are, Dani. Anyway, I ain't fond of inns so let's skeddaddle outta here."

She sighs in defeat and walks towards the exit with you.

The innkeeper waves you off. "Hope you had a pleasant stay!"

You lazily wave back as you open the door for Dani. "So, where's Nobrain?"

She nods in gratitude as she walks out. "We are separated."

You follow Dani out. The bright outside light blinds you momentarily, until everything clears up.
Once it does, your jaw drops.

Your HUD greets you with a message: [ Icantheon, the Winged City ]
Everything around you is dyed in vivid shades of blue. Clouds paint the sky--the sky filled with numerous airships whizzing about. You look back in front of you, where you see an elegant fountain mark the center of this huge bustling city. You and Dani walk over to it and take a seat to take in the sights.
The NPCs look similar to that of the first town--dressed in modern attire. One of them waves at you, then sprouts out large Angel Wings before zooming above the mixture of rustic and gothic architecture around you. Laughter soothes your ears from children flying around the town chasing each other. In the distance, a loud horn sounds out as the silhouette of an airship lands snugly in a peculiar spot located far back in town.

Your eyes sparkle a little. "Wow. This place ain't no sword, but it sure shines like one."
No response from Dani. You look over to her, curled up into a ball laying on her side.

She clatters her teeth. "Too much...outside...power. I've resided indoors for far too long, and now it is taking a toll on me--"

You poke the side of her stomach. "So can ya tell me where he is?"

Her legs jolt forward from your attack. "I cannot. I was hoping we would stumble upon him within this city."

You gently fiddle her hair. "Oh, wonderful idea Dani!" Your fiddling gets violent. "So...wonderful!"
---

She pushes your hand away and sits back up. "Please, no more of that!"

You inspect your hand. "Huh. Surprisingly not greasy. Guess you do shower after all."

She crosses her arms. "How rude! I pay close attention to my hygiene, thank you very much! Plus..." she looks at the ground, "our bodies work differently in this game."

You whistle. "So we don't even gotta shower? Man, another reason to feel less human, huh?"

She lies on her side again. "Ultimately, is this not a good thing? We have less to worry about."

You ponder on it for a minute, but ultimately, you shrug.

You then take a deep breath and look around the city once more, this time paying attention to the HUD's highlights.

[ Equipment/Item Shop ]
[ Great Library ]
[ Guild Hall/Pub ]
[ Royal Castle ]
[ Airship Dock ]

What shall you do?
(Note: You are free to switch to Nob anytime)
---

Dani/Evi: Go to the Guild Hall/Pub.

Also let's see what Nob is up to.
---

Along the way check if it's still possible to fly
---

up
---

bump
---

>Evi (and Dani): Fly to the Guild Hall/Pub

You stand up and pat your clothes, then put your hood on with Peon hiding inside. "Hmm, I reckon that Guild thingy might give us a good lead on where he is." You take a confident stride forward. "Let's go!--"

Dani grabs your shoulder. "My my, we are not simple bipeds anymore, friend!"

You turn around and see her pixelize her Angel Wings, although they look much smaller than when you first saw them. "Can, uh, can those things still fly?"

She grins, then blasts off into the sky. After about 15 seconds, she slowly glides back down to you. "Not as well as before, but does that satiate your curiosity?"

You give her a mischevous smile and also pixelize your Wings. "Almost, ya show off. Still curious if--" you take off towards the Guild, "--you can beat me there!"

She follows right behind you. Of course, you have no plans of letting her change that.
However, after about 15 seconds, your Wings start losing power and you feel yourself descending just as Dani showed. Guess you'll have to be tactical about your flight now. You let your boot touch the rooftop of one of the buildings. Immediately, you feel power return to your Wings, and you take off once again.

Dani's right on your tail. You figure she's had time to practice with the new Wing mechanics, but that won't stop your fervent desire for competition.

The two of you hop from building to building, almost like some ninja parkour race but with the ninjas cosplaying as birds.

The sight of the Guild Hall fast approaches you. It stands out with its much larger size compared to the rest of the architecture around here, as well as its lavish decorations and flags trumptetting its grandiosity.

Of course, you don't really care about that. The only thing your eyes are on would be the front doors.

With some graceful gliding, you both land before the doors at nearly identical times.

You turn around to face Dani, but she's not there.

She taps your arm, standing beside you this whole time. "I was victorious this time, yes?"

You clear your throat and walk up to the doors. "It's a draw, aight? A draw!"

The two of you then enter the premises. Inside, you see adventurers of all kinds sitting by rows of large tables, all drinking and eating loudly.
As you walk forward, a lady clad in a Victorian maid outfit almost bumps into you. She bows her head to apologize, then whisks by with a tray of booze in hand.

You'll have to find a way to get something out of this lively chaos. What will you (Evi/Dani) do?
---

>Nobert: Awaken

You groggily open your eyes to the fuzzy sight of...iron bars? As your vision becomes clearer, you see that you're in a stone-walled jail cell.
On the other side of the bars, a guy in a 19th century military uniform notices you looking right at him. He jumps in place and scurries away out of your sight.

After a while, a tall, flashy guy with long blond hair and silver armor comes up to your cell in that guard's place.

You see a prompt above him: [ Inspect Player ]
With a raised brow, you zero in on the prompt.

[ Player: Lionhart
Lv. 41 Edge User
Mainhand: Holy Sword Exaltius
Offhand: Holy Shield
Gear: Holy Plate Armor
Wings: Exalted Wings ]

You blink a few times at this dude's loaded gear.

He also blinks a few times, then turns to the side. "Galvin! What is the meaning of this?!"

A shorter dude in fine leather armor walks up next to him. "I simply apprehended a suspicious person. I apologize if my judgment was faulty in this case."

You see [ Inspect Player ] above this Galvin guy as well.

[ Player: Galvin
Lv. 39 Edge User
Mainhand: Mythril Dagger
Offhand: Mythril Dagger
Gear: Dragonskin Leather Armor
Wings: Exhalted Wings ]

Your jaw double-drops. If these guys are here to eat you, you're fucked.

Lionhart sighs and enters your cell. "Greetings, player. My comrade found you unconscious outside the walls of our establishment. What were you doing there?"

You can't remember shit about what happened while you were blacked out during the ascension. Still, you can already tell that this guy is gonna be insufferable. Telling the truth might get you out of here, but fucking with him might be more satisfying.

What will you (Nobert) do?
---

Dani/Evi: Seek out a bartender to chat up. Local gossip is like, the entire reason they exist. Also maybe get slightly drunk.

nikko004 posted...

Telling the truth might get you out of here, but fucking with him might be more satisfying.

Why not both? :> Nob: Tell the truth while being your usual insufferable self.
---

>Evi(and Dani): Find a bartender and get slightly drunk.

You stop the maid-lady before she could take another step away from you. "Uh, s'cuse me, dy'know where the bartender's at?"

She looks around. "Oh, I believe her shift does not begin until nightfall. I apologize if that causes our dear guests any inconvenience--"
A gruff voice booms out from a nearby table. "Oi, Cecilia! Where...drinks?!"

She swiftly bows her head to you then scurries over to the table. "My apologies! Some guests were looking for the bartender--"
The owner of the gruff voice stands up tall and yanks the drink from her tray. "Bring 'em here!"

You're only slightly terrified by this ogre-like and absolutely ripped man calling you guys out like he was a wrestling champion.
Dani's even more terrified, hiding right behind you as if you'd be able to do anything to protect her.

Two other maids suddenly appear on both of your sides, yanking you and Dani by the arm.
Your vision suddenly changes to the sight of the ogre-dude sitting right beside you. You blink a few times and don't see any traces of the other maids, but you do see Dani sitting and shaking on your other side.

You tilt your head at the prompt above this guy: [ Inspect Player ]

[ Player: Krugg
Lv. 40 Blunt User
Mainhand: 2H Skullfucker
Offhand: N/A
Gear: Holy Plate Armor
Wings: Exalted Wings ]

He slaps your back, nearly sending your head against the table. "Hoho! Fellow players?! Ye want...help?!"
You reorient yourself from his attempted murder. "Uh, ye--"

He "pats" you on the back again. "Yer in luck! Krugg LOVE help people! Ask anything!"

Dani peeks out from behind your shoulder. "Um, sir K-Krugg, why is your manner of speech like that? Surely that's not how you talked outside of the game."

He slams a fist on the table, forming a small crack. "Krugg...in character! Also, Krugg too sober." He then yanks a pair of drinks from a passing maid and slides it over to you guys. "You two...also sober! Not good. Krugg help with that!" He says before slamming down his drink.

You stare at the foamy beverage before you, then shrug as you chug it down. "Mm...weak! C'mon Krugg, I'm gonna need more than this!"

He laughs heartily. "Haha, Krugg like you!" He beckons at a maid, who then serves you and him with another pair of booze.

Before you grab your drink, you look over to Dani who's just been slouching and turning away from her own drink. "Not much for alcohol, Dani?"
She leans forward to look at the drink closer. "Um, alcoholic beverages were strictly forbidden by my mother. I'm not sure if--"

You put her drink right in her hand. "Dude. You're old enough to drink and make your own decisions. Probably. Now go show 'er what you're made of!"
She smiles a bit. "Of course...I should make my own decisions!" She slides the drink away from her. "Which is why I elect not to drink."

You shrug. "More for me!" you say while slamming down your drink.
...
It's been, uh, maybe six? Nine? You lost count of how many drinks you're on. Your body's wobbling at this point. You look over to Krugg, who's laying on his arm.

He hiccups. "Krugg...love you guys. *Hic* You and Krugg...best friends, okay?"

You attempt to give him a thumbs up, but you're completely unsure what you're even doing with your arm.

Dani taps on your shoulder. "Well, sir Krugg is very much emotionally vulnerable. As are you."

You giggle and poke her nose. "Hehe, Danini, y'sure use some big words."

She sighs with a reddened face. "Thank you, I think. May we ask some questions now?"
What do you ask?
---

>Nobert: Tell the truth insufferably

You spit on the ground. "I was passed out, dumbasses. Is this any way to treat an unconsious man?"

He scratches his head. "Oh. We must have made a mistake then. My apologies." He walks up to you and extends his hand, but Galvin appears behind him and slaps his hand away from you.

"Do not be deceived, Lionhart." He pulls him away from you slightly. "He is clearly a spy from the other guild. They must be desperate to win that wish."

You raise an eyebrow. "Wish? Spy?? The fuck? Do I look like a spy?"

Galvin glares at you. "Don't feign ignorance, Darkhelm scum. We're all playing to have a wish granted. You fool no one here."

Lionhart pulls him back. "Now now Galvin, perhaps he is telling the truth. We of the Lion Heart Guild should be treating our guests with utmost respect!"

You spit on the ground again. "Don't give me that bullshit. I know your type. Oh so righteous and above everyone. You probably think you're the protagonist of this story." You slowly get up. "Newsflash asshole, I may not be getting enough air time recently, but the protagonist here is me!--"

Galvin slams your throat against the wall. "I told you, Lionhart. His personality definitely belongs in the Darkhelm Guild.

Lionhart grabs his wrist, releasing you. "Galvin. Respect. This is clearly God testing our desire to help in the face of the devil!"

You catch your breath and stand back up. "Yeah *cough* Galvin, respect! Man, didn't your mom teach you any manners?"

Galvin glares at you with bloodshot eyes. "Don't push it, Nopants." He whips Lionhart's hand off and walks out of the cell.

Lionhart bows his head. "I apologize for my comrade's behavior. It was rude of him to indict a low-level player like you as a threat."

You're not sure if you should be offended by that. How shall you act towards Lionhart from here?
---

Evi: Immediately forget why you were here and drunkenly inquire about any other points of interest in this city. Dani: Try to keep Evi from derailing the conversation too much.

Nob: Be slightly less insufferable, seeing as Lionhart's at least still trying to be polite.
---

up
---

>Evi: Forget why you're here and drunkenly ask about any other points of interest in this city

You reach for another shot, but you find yourself swatting at air. Somehow you're convinced you're holding a shot anyway and proceed to drink nothingness. "Sooo, Krugg, heh, this is uhhhh pretty cool city y'got 'ere. Tell me about...about...things. City things."

He tries to sit up straight but falls back on his arm. "Krugg like city. *Hic* Krugg...forget name. Ish big floating city. Krugg call it *hic* Birdtown. Birdtown have...big bird boats."

Dani chimes in. "Are you perhaps referring to the Airships flying all around us?"

He raises his other arm with glee. "Yesh! Birdtown *hic* send bird boats to other towns. Krugg friends also have bird boat."

You try to put your hand on Krugg's shoulder, but instead you slap him on the cheek; "Hey, I'm Krugg friend!" Your hand slowly slides down. "You should totally give us a ride."

Krugg also tries to pat your shoulder, but instead slams your back. "Krugg can't drive, but *hic* friends can give ride! Just ask Krugg friends."

You both laugh.

Dani stands up and splits you two up. "Miss Evi, I think you've had enough to drink for this night."

You pout. "Danini, you pooper party. I'm tryna be uhhhh Krugg friend!"

Krugg attempts to make a thumbs up. "Ye guys...already Krugg friend. Boring sober lady also Krugg friend. Krugg don't have many friends. Krugg too *hic* scary. Krugg not scary to you guys!"

You poke Dani's cheek. "See Danini, why can't you be more like Krugg. He's a FLIPPIN' great guy."

She swats your finger away. "That implies I'm not a great person, which I only take a moderate amount of offense to considering all we've went through but also because it's partially true--"

You've already lost her half way through her speech thanks to abruptly falling asleep.

>Dani: Remember why you're here

You sigh at how terrible Evi is with her alcohol. You get back to your seat and lean over to Krugg. "Sir Krugg, would you happen to know what we are to do here? I do not see the Green Vortex anymore."

He scratches his chin. "Uhhhh, kill bad guy. Win game."

You tilt your head. "Could you elaborate on that?"

Krugg somehow casually swipes another mug from a passing maid and tries to drink it while lying on the table. "Bad guy live in *hic* big bird castle. Shows at night. Very high. Need super wings and super bird boat." He downs the entire mug in mere seconds. "If Krugg party kill bad guy, Krugg party win game."

You try to make sense of his words. "So to put it simply, we are competing with other players to defeat this final boss? Should you really be helping us, then?"

Suddenly, a man appears behind Krugg and knocks him out. You didn't even notice his presence at all. Above him is a familiar prompt: [ Inspect Player ]

You could only catch his name before you were taken aback by his bloodthirsty glare: [ Player: Galvin ]

He holds Krugg against his shoulder. "I apologize if my party member has caused you any trouble."

Out of nowhere, an adventurer in another table points at him. "Hey, that guy just hit someone!"

Another adventurer smashes a bottle. "BAR FIGHT!"

With nothing but those words, the entire bar erupts into chaos and violence. You look back to Galvin, but find that he's already vanished.

Shit, you're right in the middle of this mess and Evi is out cold. What will you do?
---

>Nobert: Be slightly less insufferable

You pat off your pants. "Yeah, whatever, it's cool I guess. I feel like I should be compensated for this though. I mean, you just locked me up for no good reason."

Lionhart laughs. "That is true! Listen, we do not usually let people in to our acclaimed guild, but I think I can make an exception for you. Take it as my apology."

What do you s--

Galvin suddenly returns with a huge unconscious man on him. "Lionhart. My apologies, but I just accidentally spurred up a fight upstairs. Also, it would seem that Krugg got too drunk again."

Lionhart scratches his head. "Oh dear, not again." He looks back to you. "Player. Uh, Nobert, was it? I shall return to you after I settle this matter." Before he walks away, he suddenly stops, then looks back at you again. "Oh, actually, you may join me if you're interested in a tour of our Guild hall."

Galvin grunts. "He should stay here. He'll be safer here with me," he says while shooting daggers at you with his eyes.

What do you do/say?
---

Dani: Hide with Evi under a table and hope nobody notices you until the fight calms down.

Nob: Take Lionhart up on his offer.
---

>Dani: Hide with Evi under a table and hope nobody notices you

You drag Evi's slumbering body under the table and hide there next to her. "I see now why mother prohibited alcohol..." you say with clattering teeth.

Suddenly, the table gets flung up to the ceiling, followed by the roar of a rather rotund gentleman.

You smile at him in fear and start running for something to hide in, still dragging Evi along.

You eventually reach a counter and hide behind it. Look up, you see shelves of bottles and glasses among other things, which probably means you're where the bartender would be--

One of the maid-waitresses grabs your shoulder. "What are you doing without your uniform?"

You blink. "Wh-wha--"

She shoves a [ Maid Uniform ] into your hands, then cocks a revolver as she hops over the other side of the counter, followed by the sound of loud gunshots. Of course, they didn't stand out very much among the cacophony.

A voice screams out. "Oh shit, the maids are pissed--"

In the next moment, two men wrapped up in rope fly past the counter and into the wall.

You stare blankly at the uniform, trying to comprehend what the hell is happening. You figure you'd put it on, since the patrons seem scared of the maids.

[ Maid Uniform allocated to RAM. Equipped to GEAR. ]
[ Purple Pajamas allocated to HDD. ]

Another roped man slams into the shelves, causing a [ Bucket ] to fall on your head.
Oh boy, it's kinda stuck. You can't see shit. You'll have to rely on your minimap.
At least now you finally get to live out your dream of being a robo-maid.

[ Affinity changed: Clever Caster -> Robo-maid Mage

>Nobert: Take Lionhart up on his offer.

You pat Lionhart on his back. "Count me in, Simba."

Galvin grunts. "You dare show such disrespect?!--"

Lionhart simply laughs. "Now now, it's quite alright. I can appreciate acts of jest. Let us make haste!"

The two of you walk through a hallway of cells until you reach a set of stairs at the end. Ascending it, you're met with the chaotic sight of blades and booze being thrown around like a medieval high-school cafeteria food fight.

Lionhart scratches his head. "Oh dear. Looks like I'll have to step in to stop this."

You sneer. "Oh, whatcha gonna do? Shout at 'em because you're super respected and charismatic?"

He pixelizes his sword. "Respect is something you earn constantly!" With that, he screams and runs into the fray.

You grin and pixelize your spear. "Fuck yeah, let's rock."
Before you could take another step, a stray [ Horse Head Mask ] flies out from the fray and lands right on your head.
"What the fuck is this?!" you shout while trying to take it off, stumbling off to the side.

>Dani:

You see a triangle on your minimap heading toward you, indicating another player. Oh shit.
They get closer, along with the sounds of immense profanity. This is definitely not someone friendly. You stand up from the counter and get ready to defend yourself. What do you do?

>Nobert:

"God...damn McTiddies..." you yell and grunt as you continue to take off the Horse Mask, but come to a stop when you see a...bucket-headed maid? You'd normally roll with it, but seeing as how this entire bar is a free-for-all zone right now, you don't take any chances. You hold your spear out and get ready to defend yourself. What do you do?

>Evi: Awaken

You groggily open your eyes and hear lots of noise. Getting up, you lean over a counter and see a bucket maid and horse ready to fight. Hm. You're still drunk. What do you do?
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Also @Kircheis i highly appreciate the constant responses but if its cool with you can you input for one character for now, just to give others a chance to give inputs as well
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Dani: Try to kick the player in front of you in where you hope their manhood will be.
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Evi: instigate fight rooting for the robomaid. Also try to join the chaos.
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Nob: Take a sarcastic jab at the bucket-headed maids appearance before readying to defend yourself
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Bump
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update coming soon (clickbait)
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>Nobert: Take a sarcastic jab at the bucketmaid's appearance before defending self

You let out a horsemask-muffled laugh while pointing at the bucketheaded maid. "Wow, are you lost, kid? Which convention are you supposed to be in?" You slap your knee with more laughter. "Damn dude, did you get stuck here from your 18th century time-travelling--"

Dani: Try to kick the player in front of you in where you hope their manhood will be.

You've long hopped over the counter and thrown an explosive kick towards their lower region.
In the next moment, a blood-curdling scream soothes your ears.
You stand with your overly confident stance. "Do not address me as a child, fellow player. And I'll have you know, maids are always relevant and fashionable--"

Evi: Instigate fight rooting for the robomaid. Also try to join the chaos.

You also hop over the counter and throw a groin-kick at the curled-up horseman on the ground. "Heck yeah! I love bar fights!" You turn to the bucketmaid amidst the additional screaming. "Cool outfit, Ms. Robot Maid!"

The bucketmaid suddenly stands with more reservation and puts a hand on their...bucket cheek. "Oh...um, thank you--"

You've already materialized your knives and charge right into the middle of the room where all the rowdiness is happening.

>Dani:

You definitely recognize that as Evi's voice. Gosh, she called your outfit cool! This is the best--

The rude man continues to groan. "God...refuses to let me die..."

Wait. You also recognize this voice. You kneel down before him. "Oh my god, I'm so sorry--"

He lightly taps on your back. "You're...facing the wrong way, dumbass."

You clench your fist and turn around, aiming your fist right where his lower region should be.
Even more screaming ensues.
You shake off your hand. "Oh my. This dumbass is so sorry, Nobert."

He lets out an even more ghastly groan. "Fucking hell...Dani..."

Suddenly, a pair of maids appear next to you. One of them speaks up. "Is this barbarian bothering you, soldier?!"
The other maid comes forth with a kick to...you guessed it. "Oi, don't mess with us, fucker!"
The first maid joins in, curbstomping him.

>Nobert: Mourn the loss of your future children'

You can see it now; God's face. Actually, it's more like Morgan Freeman's face. This must be what ascending to heaven feels like.
A gallant choir sings to you. The sweet taste of freedom from the hells of this world--

Nevermind. The pain wakes you back up. Dear lord, this hurts worse than when you had to launch a tactical bombshell in the company bathroom and blamed Brad for it. Heh, things were never the same for ol' Brad--

Another sharp pain to your precious jewels. You slowly raise your arm up. "Uncle...! Mercy!"

"Hmph" says one of the maids before stopping. They then walk back into the fray.

Dani stands with smug confidence once again. "I think there is a lesson to be learned here, though even I'm not sure what it is."

Suddenly, Evi's body crashes next to you guys. "Heyyyy it's you guys again! Man, that walking L'Oreal commercial is hoggin' all the fun. You guys oughta help me stop him!"

You slowly sit up and see that Lionhart is completely dominating the fight, tossing aside any fighter that gets near him.

"I have a better plan in mind," says Dani as she grabs the both of you and drags you guys up the stairs.
---

Evi squirms a bit. "Aw dangit, I'm bein' kidnapped already!"

You sigh. "Relax Kelly, it's just us. Well, maybe don't relax, I have absolutely no clue what this chick's up to here."

Dani huffs a bit as she continues to drag you up. "Well...Krugg mentioned earlier that his friends own an airship. I figure that perhaps we could acquire it...forcefully."

"I don't know who this Krugg is, but sounds like a good idea to me," you say. "This seems awfully not like you, though."

She perseveres with her dragging. "Please, I am simply someone who likes to take the most efficient path to victory."

Evi pouts. "Aw man, are we really boutta pull a fast one on Krugg like that?"

"Yes, are we really going to pull a fast one?" says an annoyingly familar voice. Sure enough, it's from Galvin, crouching on the very last step of the stairs. "Perhaps I should throw you all back into the cells?"

Oh boy, what a pain in the ass.
What do any of you guys do/say?
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Bump
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Dani tries to play it off as a joke, and if/when that fails, Nob attempts to bribe Galvin
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>Dani: Play it off as a joke

You shrink your presence, as you do with strangers. "Uhhhh, ummm, dear sir, we are merely jesting! Haha, yes!" You turn to your left and whisper, "Psst, Nobert, my visage is still--"

"Hahaha, you got the wrong guy!" says Evi.

Your reddened face is fortunately hidden by the bucket as you turn to your right instead. "Psst, Nobert, who is the person in front of us?"

Nobert smirks. "Man, I dunno. Some dickhat. A real rustle in your jimmies. A mega-pain up the ass. Spin the shitwheel of fortune, he's all of the above--"

You hear the loud thump and feel the stairs shake a little. "Do not. Push it. Nopants," booms the presumable voice of Mr. Mega-pain-up-the-ass. "And do not play me for a dullard, adventurers. I can sense your malice--"

You turn to your right. "Evi, the bucket is making it a little hard to hear--"

"Might wanna turn the other way, dumbass," says Nobert.

Your irritated face is unfortunately hidden by the bucket as you turn to the left. "Evi, what is this person saying?"

She giggles. "Hehe, I dunno. He sure loves to use big words like you! Maybe he's in love with you."

You put your hands to your bucket-cheeks. "Oh my, I'm sorry dear sir, but we've only met and--"

Your hear another thump, but it sounds less...angry? "L...love?" says Mr. Mega-Pain-Up-The-Ass meekly. "Hmph. I have no time for 3D thots..." he mumbles, with the rest of his words being incomprehensible.

"Nobert, did he say something?" you ask to your left.

"Noballs!" Evi screams, "Did he say something!?"

"What?!!!" He screams back. "I can't hear shit!!" he says sarcastically.

Evi pokes your arm. "Y'hear that?! Nobert can't hear a dang thing!"

The mumbling continues. "Waifus...for laifus..." he says under his breath.

You bow your buckethead. "I'm sorry, we must be on our way then--"

You hear another angry thump. "I...I said do not play me for a fool! You really believe you normies are going to escape with your limbs intact after all this?!--"

Evi laughs histerically. "Ahahaha! I can't understand a thing he's saying! Hey Danini, do you gots any idea what he said?"

You turn to your right. "I still cannot hear very well under this bucket. Nobert, do you know what he said?"

Nobert knocks on your bucket a little. "He says he wants to pin you against a wall to become the next Hokage or something--"

The metallic sound of pixelizing rings out near Nobert. "You are REALLY pushing it now, Nopants!!!"

You cover your bucket-cheeks again and face about 45 degrees to your upper-left. "I'm sorry dear sir, I still cannot return your feelings. Especially to a filthy Naruto-casual--"

"GRAAAAHHH!!" He screams out, followed by the sound of more thumping and stair-shaking. "Do not dare insult Naruto! Or you better believe it when I say I'll jam my blade down your throat--"

You turn to your upper-right this time. "Oh, you are slightly more audible over here! Pardon me, you said you shall jam what down where now?"

Nobert chuckles. "Oh, you know..."

You look to your lower right with a deadpan face that sadly cannot be seen by your desired audience. "No. I really do not wish to know when you put it like that."

Mr. Pain-In-The-Ass clangs the metallic thing against the wall. "Y...y...you disgusting normies! I don't wanna hear about dirty 3D copulation!"
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