Board 8 > Worst clickbait article title formats.

(+) Yeah! (+)

For me it's a toss up between.

[Person] just [Action] and it's amazing/the best.

or

[Person] has the best response to [Comment].

Both are magical garbage where they spend 90% of the article giving you a mindless recap with superfluous information and then showing an embedded tweet at the very bottom of the page under their 100 ads.
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You won't believe what [Insert Something here]
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"And that's a good thing" came to mind. On Gamespot we had articles for "New update for (game) out now. Here's what it does." and when you click it, what it does is unspecified stability improvements. At least they started adding "not much" to those titles.
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"X reasons why Z"
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paperwarior posted...

"And that's a good thing" came to mind.

Oh, I hate that one too. But at least those articles have even a shred of thought put into them, even if they're still totally vapid and basically regurgitating common sense or hiveminds.
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"[Service profession most people pay money for] don't want you to know about this one cool trick."
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Guess mine's more for ads than news articles, but whatever
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GS also has these "preorder guides" that often just tell you several major online retailers you can preorder a game from, with links they get paid for. And for a while they were publishing articles naming the PS+ games about 3 times a month, on announcement, release, and before the next release. Maybe they still do.
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pyresword posted...

"[Service profession most people pay money for] don't want you to know about this one cool trick."

Ok but these have some occasional humor value, albeit unintentional.
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"[Person] just [Action] and it's amazing/the best."

this one drives me up the fucking wall

also one that slightly bugs me are videos titled "Jurassic World 2 gets a release date" or something really simple that could just be in the title, like "Jurassic World 2 to be released 6.22.18"

I get they want clicks but maybe don't make a video just for a release date and wait to make a more substantial video. feels cheap. it's extra frustrating when the news JUST dropped and Google hasn't really indexed it so I can't just google "Jurassic World 2 release date" and just have it pop up, you'll just get SEVERAL PAGES of articles titled "Jurassic World's release date finally revealed!" and I swear they write the articles in a way so that the little blurb Google shows you doesn't include the date

then you give up and click on an article and it's fucking Forbes and it hits you with that FORBES THOUGHT OF THE DAY and it's like fuck off why do I even bother going on the internet anymore
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"The Top Ten [something[ - You Won't Believe #4!" (I almost always DO believe it)

or

"[Person] just [Action] and it's amazing/the best." (It's usually not)

I don't click on clickbait much anymore because it sucks and is now about trains.
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The best of x is x.

Then its 20 slow loading slideshow images
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i also hate quizzes that say "Seinfeld Fan Quiz: 90% of all people on the earth miss #5!" or anything along those lines

and article titles that start with "Amazing:" but I see that a lot less
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yeah the whole "You won't believe #4!" thing is the worst

if I won't believe that particular one why isn't it #1
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i don't know if anyone here watches MaximillianDood's fighting game videos, but several years ago he posted a video just called "INJUSTICE 2 CONFIRMED!"

ScreenJunkies also put up a video before Infinity War titled something along the lines of "FANTASTIC FOUR CONFIRMED FOR INFINITY WAR!"

notice there are no question marks, implying this was real news

both times it was just not. it was speculation or blowing out a small statement some random dude in production mentioned casually like "yeah I think we could do an Injustice 2 someday"

I unsubscribed from both because of those videos

Also Max is always doing that shit where it's just his face with big eyes and a shocked expression in the thumbnail. also a ton of titties. it's just such blatant visual clickbait and I can't stand it

I know people have to make a living but I know for a fact Max is loaded from his YouTube and Twitch careers and I think he has a patreon AND invested in Crypto, so you know he doesn't need the extra boost from the tits
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Top 10/15/20/25 and the first three are on the first page and then 1 per page after that.
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Yeah, the lists where each thing is its own page is definitely the worst.
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Only X% of people can get this right!

When X, she did THIS!

99% of you won't share this/I know this won't get X likes/for every share a dollar will be donated to a dog with ham on its face/1 like = 1 amen/everything else that works like magic on the grandma types I have on fb

Also anything that just plugs in your location ("This [yourtown] business.." "See what everyone's talking about in [yourtown]")
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I always chuckle at the ones that are vague as hell like "She had no idea why the crowd all suddenly started cheering" and it's just a picture of a hot chick.

WHY DID THEY START CHEERING? OOH, CLEAVAGE! *clicks*

I also for some reason seem to always get ads on gamefaqs that are like, so horribly missing the demographic.

Like, right now below this box I'm typing in. How many B8ers are really clicking on "Contractors grow their business with this site"?

turbopuns2 posted...

I also for some reason seem to always get ads on gamefaqs that are like, so horribly missing the demographic.

Like, right now below this box I'm typing in. How many B8ers are really clicking on "Contractors grow their business with this site"?

Dear God, I get ones for diseases people get in like their 70s.
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Remember this actress? You won't BELIEVE what she looks like now!
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Old man Darkx, eh?
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Yeah I've gotten things that are like "Home owners 55 or older in Florida are FURIOUS"

and I'm like. "k"

my 'from the web' section at the bottom of this very webpage includes:

remember tabitha from 'bewitched?' wait till you see her today
this farm game is what everybody is talking about in america
frustrated with rising medication costs? we'll show you how to save up to 75%
you should never shop online without using this trick - here's why
fan-favorite final fantasy villain teased for ffxiv's new update
deadpool 2 and solo are both worse thanks to one tired hollywood trope
groot's last avengers: infinity war line translated, and it'll punch you right in the heart

aside from ads like this i don't tend to encounter this type of messaging, at least
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I get ones for "why men love this phenomenal new underwear" so it's at least tangentially relevant to my interests.
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HeroicGammaRay posted...

this farm game is what everybody is talking about in america

Farmville is making a comeback, huh?
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HeroicGammaRay posted...

this farm game is what everybody is talking about in america

Ah yes, the "look at this cartoon ass in a pair of jeans" ad

I get that one too

"Groot's last Avengers: Infinity War translated, and it'll punch you right in the heart."

Punch you right in the heart! Lol

it is in fact BIG FARM as spoiled by the subtitle

turbopuns2 posted...

I always chuckle at the ones that are vague as hell like "She had no idea why the crowd all suddenly started cheering" and it's just a picture of a hot chick.

WHY DID THEY START CHEERING? OOH, CLEAVAGE! *clicks*

So much this.
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^ TBF, There are some cleavages WORTH Celebrating!
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I get the cartoon ass in jeans one, too. A lot of video game related things. But... why would I play a boring online farming simulator when Stardew Valley exists?

I have some about guys' underwear atm. That sounds almost NSFW... and I only see these adverts at work...
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scarletspeed7 posted...

Old man Darkx, eh?

Do what?

Edit: never mind, forgot the last post I made.
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Underleveled posted...

scarletspeed7 posted...

Old man Darkx, eh?

Do what?

Edit: never mind, forgot the last post I made.

Old man indeed.
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Current ten I have right now:
Cartoon ass in jeans
Underwear
Cloud Computing Q&A article
"You should Never Shop Online Without Using This Trick - Here's Why"
"Unsecured Business Loans up to $600K in 24 hours"
PS4 game Humble Bundle
"Nintendo Switch: One Year Later"
"Nintendo Reveals New Action-RPG For Smartphones"
"Fan-Favorite Final Fantasy Villain Teased For FFIV's New Update"
"Another Nintendo Switch Presentation is Airing Next Week"

Only one of these completely misses the mark, though two of them are too basic for me (already have a price comparison app and I know how to work a Cloud) and the other is... underpatns. Not bad.
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fucking And thats a Good thing
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Underleveled posted...

scarletspeed7 posted...

Old man Darkx, eh?

Do what?

Edit: never mind, forgot the last post I made.

Why-why are you doing thish, shir?
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I always find it funny when I get bombarded with ads over something I already made a purchase on months prior.

Case in point, I bought a mattress a couple years ago after doing some research online. For the next 6 months, I was inundated with mattress ads on like every website I visited.

What I find most creepy is when my phone pings me and says "Would you like to rate your experience at [insert place here]" I know that the phone has a location tracker on it but it's still freaky that everywhere I go is being tracked.
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scarletspeed7 posted...

Underleveled posted...

scarletspeed7 posted...

Old man Darkx, eh?

Do what?

Edit: never mind, forgot the last post I made.

Why-why are you doing thish, shir?

You better get the fuck back on the banana boat.
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guffguy89 posted...

What I find most creepy is when my phone pings me and says "Would you like to rate your experience at [insert place here]" I know that the phone has a location tracker on it but it's still freaky that everywhere I go is being tracked.

I've had this happen for places I didn't even visit or stop at. Just by driving by them. That's when it's kinda like "alright, internets. Let's cool it a little with the all-knowing thing"

I take back everything.

The actual worst is "How to [do something], According to Science". God this one pisses me off.

Or basically just anything with the phrase "according to science".
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guffguy89 posted...

What I find most creepy is when my phone pings me and says "Would you like to rate your experience at [insert place here]" I know that the phone has a location tracker on it but it's still freaky that everywhere I go is being tracked.

Heh you should watch the X-Files episode "Rm9sbG93ZXJz"!
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