Lurker > Jeff_AKA_Snoopy

I'm having a really good day today.

Monday night was really tough. I'm not really sure what the impetus for that was. Had a good day at work but just... well, you guys saw my journaling and whatnot. It was what it was, and that will happen.

Yesterday was alright, disappointed about the whole not getting a date thing so it was a so-so day.

Today I'm feeling good. I've decided that rather than sorta aimlessly trying to figure out what exactly I wanna do, or how I wanna get involved with some things, or whatever... I wanna focus on my own personal health right now.

For context, in my adult life I've been as heavy as 415 pounds and as low as 285, all of which happened while I was with Lindsay. While I liked to think for a long time that I handled stress well, regardless what was the cause of the stress, I was honestly super shocked when I was 415 pounds at one point. I thought I was around maybe 350.

Within the last maybe 6 years I've been far more cognizant of this and worked hard to make changes. I was down around 315 pounds before the pandemic, went up to around 365 in the midst of the pandemic, REALLY decided to focus on it and got down to around 285, and then as my wife's health continued to deteriorate I went up to where I am now, 335 or so.

I'm going to challenge myself to try and get below 300 pounds before the end of the year. Ambitious sure, but I struggle with how to show myself love in every way I can. I think emotionally, spiritually I'm very capable of showing myself love. I'm patient and kind to myself when I need to be. I know how to rest and be at ease and have become far better at recognizing my stress patterns. I've definitely grown in taking care of myself physically as well, but I'd say since the entire process of MAID started I put that on the back burner to just kinda survive.

I'm going to put more effort into being healthy. Gonna make sure I hit the gym daily, even if it is just for a 20 minute walk on the treadmill. I'm going to refocus on my diet and knock it off with the junk food.

It's a proactive way to show myself love. In the absence of getting that feeling from someone else (I get it from family and friends, but you know what I mean), I need to learn how to do that in its entirety to myself.

It's pretty. Very pretty. So damn fucking pretty.

And that's it.

Was it said during a DnD campaign?

If not, then yeah it was insulting in nature.

My colleague and I are working together today and everything is cool. We have the same dynamic and it's not awkward or anything.

I am super happy about that. Our workplace is awesome and we have such a good time together. There is always the worry the dynamic might change for the negative, but its all good today.

This is gonna be awesome!

SweetNut_Farm posted...

You were kinda counting on that ...a possible relationship with that person. Now what?

There are a lot of people in this world and the right opportunities will come up to meet someone else cool and it will just feel right, you know?

I'm not gonna try to force it. I asked her because it felt right to do. I am gonna keep up that sort of mentality. If it feels right to do, go for it.

Disappointed but not discouraged.

AmericaTheBrave posted...

Your wife died a month ago and you're already looking to date again? Shouldn't you be still in your mourning period?

My wife applied for MAID in September of 2022. While obviously the true loss of my wife was last month, it was a long process where I knew she was going to pass away at some point soon.

I've been in therapy throughout the process too.

I've been in mourning for a long time.

FortuneCookie posted...

When he and his wife were still trying to apply for MAID, he said in an earlier topic that his wife had a morbid sense of humor and jokingly encouraged him to use her death to get sympathy sex.

This is very true. I'm not that person though and I'm never gonna be the kind of person looking for sympathy sex.

I've had sex with four people in my life, all of them people I was dating at the time.

_____Cait posted...

are you the one who just had their wife die?

If so, I think you might need to wait a bit, or just make some friends.

I've got a lot of friends and my family lives in the city.

In terms of waiting... there isn't really a manual on it, you know? I have always just kinda followed what felt right. Asking out my colleague felt like the right thing to do and even with it not working how I wanted, it didn't feel like the wrong thing to do.

Maybe I won't rush it or try too hard. Let it find me naturally.

chaos_knight posted...

You sure that it's not too soon so far?

I honestly felt very excited asking someone out and was like, disappointed when it didn't work out sure, but not deterred.

I'm not wanting to rush into living with someone or anything like that... but going on dates? Getting to know someone you like on a deeper level? Seeing if you have something more you want to explore?

That is super exciting.

I asked out a colleague of mine today on a date and she doesn't want to mix personal and professional life. Very fair and understandable. She's very cool and I'm glad I took my shot.

I've come to realize that I have no idea of where I'm gonna meet people who have similar interests to me right now. I'm a 39 year old man who has no desire to have kids, into gaming and anime and all the nerd stuff.

At my work I'm in a position of being a supervisor so even if I was to maybe think I had a connection with another staff member I don't feel it would be appropriate to even address it.

I might check and see if any of my friends have any single gals they know who maybe could be a nice fit. I'm not much for bars and clubs and stuff like that, and at nearly 40 I just don't really feel like it's my scene, you know?

Hrmm

One more bump!

I asked out my colleague today.

She very politely declined a date and explained she has never been the kind of person who wants to combine her professional life with personal relationships like that. I definitely respect that and it was a thought I had myself throughout deciding to ask her out. I could overanalyze and wonder if she was just letting me down easy, but she's not that type of person.

I'm not devastated or anything like that. Disappointed for sure but also like... I haven't done this in 12 years so it was nice to go for it, y'know?

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/boards/400-current-events/80535430

Late night bump!

I dunno what it is, but tonight has been a little tougher. It's been a hot minute since I've missed her presence this much. I just want her to be here, tell me she loves me, that sort of thing.

We loved each other so much and in the less positive parts of my mind I'm so fucking horrifyingly scared I won't find anything close ever again. Logically I know I loved before my wife and I know that I will find someone again, but logic doesn't always win that argument between it and abject fear.

28 days. It feels like it's both been so much longer and then at times it feels like it was yesterday. Maybe without realizing it my subconscious just realized this is basically a month now since and my mind was like, "Cry. You've been really strong for most of this. It's safe, be sad right now"

I was also talking about with a different friend group. Kinda like "friends of friends" who didn't know my wife. Maybe just talking about it and explaining it put it all in my mind and eventually in a quiet part of the evening it all just flooded back.

Aliens?

Is it all still about the uh... Otsusuki or whatever?

It wasn't easy, that is true.

KajeI posted...

The first season especially is so fucking dumb I love every part of it. A lawless wasteland of "game design", it's beautiful.

I love how the series wasn't even initially designed to revolve around Duel Monsters... it was just another "game" that the King of Games was good at. Thus the reason the rules made no sense (I ATTACK THE MOON!!!), cause they weren't designed to.

Pivoting into Duel Monsters being the focus and then having to create REAL TCG rules was actually really interesting to watch.

https://youtu.be/NcL_kM9twZk

Vectorman is one of those games that really knew how to make use of the Genesis. Amazing soundtrack, fun gameplay, and in general just classic games on the system. I remember really enjoying them and them just being so different compared to other games on the Genesis. As a 1995 title, late in the console lifecycle, makes sense it would push the system hard.

Did you get into Vectorman?

Previous Poll Results

Aero the Acrobat - 20 played, 7 did not
Beyond Oasis - 22 played, 10 did not
Cool Spot - 34 played, 8 did not
Dynamite Headdy - 12 played, 8 did not
Ecco the Dolphin - 43 played, 3 did not
Fatal Labyrinth - 7 played, 14 did not
Golden Axe - 60 played, 10 did not
Gunstar Heroes - 35 played, 9 did not
Jurassic Park - 30 played, 6 did not
Kid Chameleon - 29 played, 18 did not
Landstalker - 16 played, 21 did not
Mutant League - 10 played one or the other, 9 played both, 10 played neither
NBA Jam - 45 played, 2 did not
Out of this World - 16 played, 12 did not
Phantasy Star 2 - 31 played, 7 played a sequel/prequel, 7 did not
Quackshot Starring Donald Duck - 12 played, 16 did not
Ristar - 35 played, 18 did not
Sonic 3D Blast - 38 played, 4 did not
Truxton - 6 played, 20 did not

Erectile Dysfunction being a major plot point of an anime seems.... strange. XD

Dmitri technically has skills that are designed to literally make armor useless to his attacks.... so there is that.

I platinum'd it and then sold it for about 20 bucks less than I bought it for.

It was great fun!

TheDeadMoon posted...

I only played a few hours in November and saw the game has gotten mixed reviews recently, is it worth coming back to as a mostly newbie player?

I think so. You should get at least s1-3 cards pretty quick.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/1/3/AAABltAAEwFJ.jpg

It is simultaneously over the top as hell, but also edited to be less intense than originally wrote.

It is such a weird mixture of craziness and it makes it all the better, IMO.

Bump!

How are you getting multiple Muramasa?

Is Rent A Girlfriend any good?

I know it is popular but that doesn't always denote if something is good or not.

VIII fascinates me in the way it was designed and like... the risks it takes. It is a fascinating game to play and to try and follow why it was made that way.

IX is better in nearly every conceivable way.

One Piece 1072 was amazing to see.

It is the perfect example of using animation to tell the narrative and express visually what was happening moment to moment.

Ohhhh god.

Ohhhhh god.

Nothing monumental going on this weekend so far. Playing some BG3, watching baseball, that sort of thing. Watched The Intern last night which was a movie that both my wife and I really enjoyed. I like the fact that watching things we both enjoyed isn't like a bittersweet thing for me.

Doing Harry Potter during Christmas might be a tougher one as it was a tradition for us during the holidays, but also that is months away so I will be again in a different situation than I am now.

I think it's worth 10 bucks

A lot of no so far

Jiek_Fafn posted...

This is my first even hearing about it

That is unfortunate.

I think Microsoft forced Arkane to try and make a games as a service type game and nobody wanted to do it so they kinda really went half-assed on it. >_>

https://youtu.be/o88kbMBo81s

Truxton was a fantastic Shmup, especially for like, 1989. Bit of a hidden gem on the Genesis, though of course it was also an arcade title and it game out for the PC Engine too.

Genesis boys and girls, did you play Truxton?

Previous Poll Results

Aero the Acrobat - 20 played, 7 did not
Beyond Oasis - 22 played, 10 did not
Cool Spot - 34 played, 8 did not
Dynamite Headdy - 12 played, 8 did not
Ecco the Dolphin - 43 played, 3 did not
Fatal Labyrinth - 7 played, 14 did not
Golden Axe - 60 played, 10 did not
Gunstar Heroes - 35 played, 9 did not
Jurassic Park - 30 played, 6 did not
Kid Chameleon - 29 played, 18 did not
Landstalker - 16 played, 21 did not
Mutant League - 10 played one or the other, 9 played both, 10 played neither
NBA Jam - 45 played, 2 did not
Out of this World - 16 played, 12 did not
Phantasy Star 2 - 31 played, 7 played a sequel/prequel, 7 did not
Quackshot Starring Donald Duck - 12 played, 16 did not
Ristar - 35 played, 18 did not
Sonic 3D Blast - 38 played, 4 did not

Ohhh wow.

And then I read your signature and the whole situation just makes me giggle. XD

One more bump!

I am catching up on Devil is a Part-Timer and... I just have no idea what is going on. I'm liking it fine but the dub is having a hard time translating like... wtf is happening. XD

Do you think given your backlog and what already exists that you could be satisfied with "gaming" for the rest of your life with what is available to you?

A new game is never made again, and ongoing titles just get bug fixes, no new content.

Will you be satisfied with what is currently available?

Collect Flicky's damnit

I used to play competitive.

We kinda liken it to, "In a fighting game you don't have to spend literally hundreds of hours making your perfect fighter based on sometimes entirely random chance. Ryu is just Ryu"

Competition should be about strategy, not spending hundreds of hours to get the Pokemon stats to the point of being usable.

I don't know this Lindsay Logan.

Only one no so far despite the game not being good.

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/7/2/AAABltAAEvm0.jpg

Talking about Korg made me think of my Master Troll deck. I haven't altered it recently but it is fun to play. Not always super consistent but so damn fun.