Current Events > Probably gonna get divorced, AMA

(+) Yeah! (+)

Yeah, this isnt as fun as a money giveaway topic, but there ya go.

Why are babies fat?

What happened?

Will_VIIII posted...

Why are babies fat?

Baby's primary food source is milk. Milk is high in fat.

On topic

NeonOPPAl posted...

What happened?

Are kids involved? That shit is brutal even without that factor. Hire a good attorney and don't say shit to your soon to be ex

How was the marriage. Looking back did you see it coming. Signs?

I also want to know if you guys have kids and how is that affecting everyone?

Can you both afford living on their own with this economy? Cause that deters me from divorce.

Will_VIIII posted...

Why are babies fat?

They gotta store up all that fat energy to get big and strong.

NeonOPPAl posted...

What happened?

Eh.. at this point, Id say the marriage has just run its course. I know she doesnt like me as a person anymore (and has probably felt that way for a while), shes not attracted to me, and I just dont make her happy. And theres nothing I can do to really change any of that, and any attempts to try be nice or affectionate are just simply shot down.

Weve had tiffs like this before, but always managed to turn a corner. These tiffs have sometimes been inclusive of yelling, fighting, and other issues. Not this time though, but it feels different.

Weve been together for 25 years. I just think shes bored and done with me at this point.

I could go on longer, but for now what I said just above is the gist of it.

CE_gonna_CE posted...

Yeah, this isnt as fun as a money giveaway topic, but there ya go.

I mean someone's gonna be getting a money giveaway.

Whos alt are you

tripleh213 posted...

Yeah, theres been some of that (on my end)

Cornmuffins posted...

Are kids involved? That shit is brutal even without that factor. Hire a good attorney and don't say shit to your soon to be ex

Yes, one. Hes 6. Thats a big reason it may not happen. Were not arguing or fighting at all, and the house is happy for him. I am sure my wife is thinking divorce, but maybe just not now and is planning for it later. I think we both just want whats best for him, and if we can basically just be roommates and coexist peacefully enough, thats a reason to not bother now. Also, I think she would feel like its a hassle, so she cant really be bothered with the process.

I called an attorney today just to start getting info. Havent said anything to the wife, nor do I plan to. Ultimately because Ill likely come to the conclusion that staying is better than leaving, but if I have info in my back pocket then its always something to pull the trigger on should I simply become unable to handle the day-to-day living through it.

Howve you been taking it?

Well damn, sorry to hear. I have no advice on the matter but we're here if you need to vent .

What are your fights about?

Is it financial issues?

Notti posted...

How was the marriage. Looking back did you see it coming. Signs?

Ups and downs, all throughout. I have definitely been an asshole in the past. But very much more so when we were younger. But shes no angel either. Hell, maybe that alone is why weve stuck it out all this time.

Sex has always been an issue, and continues to be. But its not even sex for me anymore, its just any sign of affection Ill take, really, or any sign that she loves and at least marginally cares about me as a person.

Our last big fight that ended up in divorce discussion was earlier in the year, but we got through it. But that time was when I got it in my head that this was inevitable, really.

With her not being an angel and all there have been 2 distinct times I probably should have walked away in the past. In hindsight, should I have? Doesnt matter, but the kid is great and I wouldnt trade him for the world. But in the end, I only have myself to blame for being blind to the red flags that have been there all along, so Ive essentially made my own bed in that regard and need to lie in it.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Eh, at this particular junction, not really. I like all we have now. Seems a shame to rip it apart, but thats life I guess.

But I do try to look at the positive and know at some point in the future Ill feel differently. Right now, Im telling myself Ill just stay single for a while because that probably is for the best. But I know me. Ill melt and probably latch onto the first woman who shows me any signs of care or affection when it happens.

I don't mean any offense by this, but have you thought about seeing a therapist?

JuanCarlos1 posted...

Can you both afford living on their own with this economy? Cause that deters me from divorce.

Yes, that shouldnt be an issue. We have enough to where its all split 50/50 we each have a decent chunk. Its more the alimony issue I want to plan for. Income wise, it should really be fine regardless of how it shakes out, but I know exactly what her spending and standard of living are now. I can support it, but dont want more going to her if she doesnt need it. Not that I think shell overspend or anything, but Id hate to be paying for something like a fancy vacation or something if she ends up getting with another guy and does something like that with the money.

Child support is no issue, all I do now is for the kid really, so Ill give whatever I can there.

MaxEffingBemis posted...

Whos alt are you

You gotta win a money giveaway and see my PayPal email to find out.

marthsheretoo posted...

I mean someone's gonna be getting a money giveaway.

Yup, MaxEffingBemis

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Definitely have seen a few of those at the theatre with her. I was never a fan.

Harpie posted...

Howve you been taking it?

Heh. Well, I guess trying to think through everything as much as possible is how Im trying to handle it. The complete lack of affection and knowing the person you care about essentially hates you is always a rough pill to swallow. It sucks, and I have not taken that well. Since there is so much I cant control or change, I just want to focus on the planning I can do and get wherever control I can if the situation.

bnui_ransder posted...

Well damn, sorry to hear. I have no advice on the matter but we're here if you need to vent .

Thank you, for sure

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

What are your fights about?

Is it financial issues?

There have been a lot of those, yes. Not so much these days, but I know theres expensive shit she wants to do around the house and probably feels impatient when I tell her we have to wait. But its always been kind of a keeping up the Joneses thing where anytime we break one financial barrier, there are always more new and expensive ones to break.

Sex is also a big one, and other household stuff, how we raise the kid, how we are around family. Where to go for dinner. You name it. Theres been a lot of it.

Cornmuffins posted...

I don't mean any offense by this, but have you thought about seeing a therapist?

Yup, trying to get to one today actually, and made some calls. Sounds like things are booked pretty solid and it might be a wait, but gonna keep trying.

I had suggest to her Im open to couples counseling, but only if she wants it. Which at this point it seems she clearly doesnt. But I can do my own thing regardless of that.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Yeah, Im old enough to where the damage is done and I probably have had fucked up views on relationships for a while, so whenever things end its not like Ill be in a huge rush to get that close again to anyone. I mean, if it finds me, sure, but I dont think Ill be actively looking for it. So, if we can do the distant partner thing for the sake of the kid, why not.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

We old

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Made the mistake of getting married, first of all.

CE_gonna_CE posted...

There have been a lot of those, yes. Not so much these days, but I know theres expensive shit she wants to do around the house and probably feels impatient when I tell her we have to wait. But its always been kind of a keeping up the Joneses thing where anytime we break one financial barrier, there are always more new and expensive ones to break.

Why does she care about "Keeping up with the Jones' "?
That's a false sense of progress and one that will lead many people to financial ruin & hardship.
Have you explained to her how seeking that out is largely fruitless & pointless, more for self indulgence and personal psychological gratification than anything meaningful?

Sex is also a big one, and other household stuff, how we raise the kid, how we are around family. Where to go for dinner. You name it. Theres been a lot of it.

Why doesn't she want to have more sex with you? You're her hubbie.

Household chores should be split 50/50 as much as possible IMO.

Raising the kid, both of you should have input on how to do it.
If your styles conflict, you need to delve into things a bit deeper as to why they conflict.

How you react around family is complicated because everybody's family dynamic is very different.
That's more of a tailor your approach to each family member as needed.

Where to go to dinner is a matter of figuring out what each one wants and find a good solution.

=(

Kamen_Rider_Blade posted...

Why does she care about "Keeping up with the Jones'

Eh, its really not the stereotypical version of that. Its more like I often hear you wont let us do anything to the house, like get a new fence, additions, etc. But that stems primarily from the fact that I know this isnt our forever house and I know shell get an itch and want to move in a matter of years. So when I think of the house as future rental Im hesitant to do any late scale projects. Also, we did a kitchen remodel once before. It was nice, but we moved, and she was an absolute ass to the contractor at the end of the project.

Have you explained to her how seeking that out is largely fruitless & pointless, more for self indulgence and personal psychological gratification than anything meaningful?

Oh lord no! That would surely fall on deaf ears.

Why doesn't she want to have more sex with you? You're her hubbie.

Well, Im apt to say now its because she doesnt like and isnt attracted to me. It could also be menopause related, but maybe it isnt.

The frequency was roughly 1-2/x a month prior, dropped to 1x, and now is zero as of the past several months.

Household chores should be split 50/50 as much as possible IMO.

Well, this is an area where shed probably tell you I dont help. I keep clean and tidy, do yard work, load and empty the dishwasher when shes not away, do my own laundry. Do my own bedding/linens (but have been sleeping in separate beds for years at this point), take out the trash, etc. But does she do more? Yes. But also, I work full time and she does not work, so she does have more time than me. I also think she kinda obsessively cleans, like, as to keep herself occupied.

Raising the kid, both of you should have input on how to do it.
If your styles conflict, you need to delve into things a bit deeper as to why they conflict.

How you react around family is complicated because everybody's family dynamic is very different.
That's more of a tailor your approach to each family member as needed.

Where to go to dinner is a matter of figuring out what each one wants and find a good solution.

=(

Yeah, I guess my general theme was we have fought over a lot of stupid shit.