Poll of the Day > I don't like that we are supposed to be nice to people with food texture issues

(+) Yeah! (+)

Like people who can't eat meat because of the texture. Various other examples. Generally also manifests with one or two comfort items that they almost exclusively eat and an extreme aversion to trying new foods.

I feel like this portion of the population is extra visible due to online activity, so it's probably not any real significant phenomenon that affects most people. But holy shit when you're 25+ years old and can't eat anything but French fries I automatically assume your mother never forced you to eat new things and let you temper tantrum your way into Mac n cheese again because "that's the only thing he/she eats"

Probably untrue, people deal with stuff I probably don't understand. But I don't like that we're supposed to treat them the same as people with allergies, celiac, or other diet affecting diseases.

I think that's a personal issue and when you make it other people's problems that's really selfish and annoying. Is this a bad thing to feel? Should I be more empathetic?

On a much smaller scale but slightly related note, I'm never inviting one friend to KBBQ again because she made the whole ordeal just a bit more difficult because she failed to disclose she's avoiding pork again

Meanwhile almost everything the rest of the group wanted to get was pork

Thankfully she ended up just choosing off the a la carte menu for a separate dish SO AS TO NOT MAKE IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM. But it ruins the vibes of KBBQ!

Cruciferous posted...

Should I be more empathetic?

If you have to ask, you should already know the answer.

ParanoidObsessive posted...

If you have to ask, you should already know the answer.

But like the real question that I want to ask is

Am I being unreasonable?

Cruciferous posted...

But I don't like that we're supposed to treat them the same as people with allergies, celiac, or other diet affecting diseases.

There are more intolerances than just celiac.

Cruciferous posted...

Thankfully she ended up just choosing off the a la carte menu for a separate dish SO AS TO NOT MAKE IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM. But it ruins the vibes of KBBQ!

Coming from a family of bourgondian meat eaters, where no one was ever bothered by family members turning pesco- or even vegetarian, even at the family BBQ. All I can say is you are definitely overreacting and this is purely a you issue.

Nichtcrawler-X posted...

There are more intolerances than just celiac.

OK and
you didnt respond to my question you just took an opportunity to "correct" someone in a very asinine way, which is silly cause I put a catch all at the end of the list because I wasn't going to list every dietary intolerance rofl

Nichtcrawler-X posted...

Coming from a family of bourgondian meat eaters, where no one was ever bothered by family members turning pesco- or even vegetarian, even at the family BBQ. All I can say is you are definitely overreacting and this is purely a you issue.

The way you selectively responded to certain sections of my original posts and completely ignored others makes me feel like you are ignoring the context of this

But I'm a reasonable man and if someone suggests I'm overreacting, then perhaps I am

Cruciferous posted...

you didnt respond to my question you just took an opportunity to "correct" someone in a very asinine way, which is silly cause I put a catch all at the end of the list because I wasn't going to list every dietary intolerance rofl

This might be a cultural thing, but only the food intolerances caused by diseases, are diseases.

Cheese is just gross. I don't like the taste, I don't like the gooey texture, it ruins everything it touches.

Nichtcrawler-X posted...

This might be a cultural thing, but only the food intolerances caused by diseases, are diseases.

OK that's fair enough I guess. I edited to remove ambiguity (hopefully)

papercup posted...

Cheese is just gross. I don't like the taste, I don't like the gooey texture, it ruins everything it touches.

OK but u understand that not all cheeses are Velveeta queso dip, yes?

Cruciferous posted...

OK that's fair enough I guess. I edited to remove ambiguity (hopefully)

Great! Now we can have the discussion on celiac sufferers pretending to be more special, kinda ruins the situation for other allergies and intolerances? (I kid, we do not have to, but you specifically calling out celiac does remind me of it)

To give a more serious answer, unless someone is insistently moaning about food differences or maybe when the food they do choose, has a smell that clashes with everyone else's food in a very negative way, why would it ruin "the mood".

People genuinely being extremely picky can be a problem though. Which could easily make them bemoan any and all food. The easiest solution is to just not give them food anymore and not to fuel their drama.

Cruciferous posted...

Like people who can't eat meat because of the texture. Various other examples. Generally also manifests with one or two comfort items that they almost exclusively eat and an extreme aversion to trying new foods.

I feel like this portion of the population is extra visible due to online activity, so it's probably not any real significant phenomenon that affects most people. But holy shit when you're 25+ years old and can't eat anything but French fries I automatically assume your mother never forced you to eat new things and let you temper tantrum your way into Mac n cheese again because "that's the only thing he/she eats"

Probably untrue, people deal with stuff I probably don't understand. But I don't like that we're supposed to treat them the same as people with allergies, celiac, or other dietary diseases/intolerances.

I think that's a personal issue and when you make it other people's problems that's really selfish and annoying. Is this a bad thing to feel? Should I be more empathetic?

arv was watching snowflake mountain and this girl that was a vegetarian wouldnt wash dishes that had meat on them. The rest of the group applauded her for her bravery and heroism of being vegetarian

ArvTheGreat posted...

arv was watching snowflake mountain and this girl that was a vegetarian wouldnt wash dishes that had meat on them. The rest of the group applauded her for her bravery and heroism of being vegetarian

Job or in private? In either case, if you really are that averse to meat, do not work with meat, or hang with meat eaters.

papercup posted...

Cheese is just gross. I don't like the taste, I don't like the gooey texture, it ruins everything it touches.

Fucking heretic.

That's all I got. I don't give a rat's ass about TC's inability to understand basic food preferences.

Krow_Incarnate posted...

That's all I got. I don't give a rat's ass about TC's inability to understand basic food preferences.

i don't care about preferences
people can like what they like

i don't like that i have to be nice to them and treat it like its some kind of disease when its just them being extremely picky because of certain types of parents

OBVIOUSLY people with other mental things going on have an excuse... and if it's actually ALL tied to things like autism, anxiety, depression, etc then obviously I am being unreasonable and ignorant which would finally answer my questions

Be nice in general maybe?

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

Same story but with me it was a sandwich with some suspicious looking white stuff on it. She said it was fine, I refused to eat it. Everyone else called me a baby and gave me an attitude, saying I was ruining everything. I had to sit there for 6 hours until I was sent to bed.

The next day everyone is throwing up but me, and I rub it in their faces every day for the next year.

Some people and mold, man.. just throw it away.

Are you being unreasonable? That probably depends on each situation. If your friend was throwing a fit over pork, then that's certainly on her. All she had to do was politely decline eating it. Or pay for her own substitute.

Should we treat them like people with allergies or celiac? No. They're just picky eaters. As someone who is kinda finicky I can understand. Not everyone's tastebuds are alike.

If they're being polite about it however, then there's no reason for you to be pissy. That's on you.

The one time I tried oyster it made me think of trying to swallow down a really thick chunk of phlegm.

Cruciferous posted...

Probably untrue

It's not. People that are grown and still eat like that absolutely temperature tantrumed their weak parents into eating junk food. Otherwise, they wouldn't be like that. Also, eating only the few foods you're comfortable with instead of whatever is in front of you is a privilege

Remember kids: having an eating disorder as an adult just means your parents didn't adequately beat it out of you.

adjl posted...

Remember kids: having an eating disorder as an adult just means your parents didn't adequately beat it out of you.

Who said anything about beating? Some people grow up in circumstances where they don't have a choice but to eat what there is. Also, all the picky grown ups that i know don't have eating disorders. They're just man babies that wanna eat nuggies and pizza for every meal lol

But cherry pick rare instances to argue your point if you want

I'd argue that threatening starvation as an alternative can fall under the umbrella of "beating." It is, after all, using physical pain and harm as a punishment to effect the behaviour you want. Sure, there are cases where there literally isn't anything else to eat and insisting that the kid eat something they don't like is a matter of necessity instead of a voluntary decision, but even then there's ample room for parents to work with children to understand the pickiness and work through it instead of just forcing them to eat something they don't want and hoping that makes them grow out of it.

Picky eating is a symptom of an underlying eating disorder significantly more often than most people think. It's just more socially acceptable (especially for men) to be picky than to attach some sort of anxiety or trauma response to certain foods, so that's what most people jump to when labelling the behaviour, and the individual in question will generally go along with that instead of trying to explain it (especially where they've likely been labelled as such since they were young and never had an opportunity to consider further explanations).

The op sounds more like they are complaining about ARFID than just picky eating.

I don't have ARFID, but I am a picky eater. I don't want to be, I just am. If certain foods or textures enter my mouth I just start gagging or throwing up. It is highly embarrassing to go to a new restaurant with friends and be like "Ok. The beef sounds delicious but what comes on it and can I get it without that?"

I have gone on ARFID websites to see if any of their suggestions work for me to limited success. I love trying new foods and new restaurants and discovering even more things I like and can eat.

It's also annoying that when I physically can't eat something I'm considered picky, but my dad isn't even though if a restaurant doesn't have a mushroom Swiss burger on the menu he doesn't want to eat there.

@adjl

Spoken like someone without a toddler lol. Sure, I'm not letting them starve but if you let a toddler get their way with food all the time they'll just be eating cookies and mac n cheese and shit. I'd argue it's abusive to give a toddler junk food instead of being patient and making sure they actually eat a well balanced meal. When i see parents with 10 year olds eating garbage food i feel bad for the child. Spoiling your child like that is literally abusive. You can actually give them all sorts of dietary issues that may not show up until adolescence or adulthood

Not to mention the behaviorial issues you may cause your child that will give them issues at school and socializing with other kids

OhhhJa posted...

@adjl

Spoken like someone without a toddler lol. Sure, I'm not letting them starve but if you let a toddler get their way with food all the time they'll just be eating cookies and mac n cheese and shit. I'd argue it's abusive to give a toddler junk food instead of being patient and making sure they actually eat a well balanced meal. When i see parents with 10 year olds eating garbage food i feel bad for the child. Spoiling your child like that is literally abusive. You can actually give them all sorts of dietary issues that may not show up until adolescence or adulthood

And on the flip side, if you categorically refuse to tolerate pickiness, you're masking potential legitimate mental health problems and often actually making them worse in the long run than if you'd been more willing to acquiesce. Like most parenting, it's a matter of balance: Trying to cultivate healthy eating habits but also respecting what your kid wants and being aware of when there's a more serious problem than a kid just wanting cookies for dinner. For some kids - especially those with more serious problems that the parents just don't have the resources to recognize and treat - that balance is significantly harder to strike than for others. Categorizing all grown picky eaters as failures of "weak parents" ignores that. Some are. Many - more than most people realize - are more than that.

Beyond that, though, whatever the reason for somebody being a picky eater as an adult, it's not something you're going to fix by resenting them/their upbringing, and trying to force your friends to eat things they don't like is a dick move. If you want to fix the problem, try talking to them about it to understand why they don't like things and/or how they feel about it. That might help you find new things they can enjoy exploring, or it might give you a basis to encourage them to seek therapy for a disorder, or it might just give you a better understanding of what their boundaries are so you can respect them and avoid putting them in circumstances where they aren't going to be comfortable. Whatever the outcome, that's a whole lot more beneficial then "just eat the food you baby."

slacker03150 posted...

I don't have ARFID, but I am a picky eater. I don't want to be, I just am. If certain foods or textures enter my mouth I just start gagging or throwing up.

Same here. I'm glad my parents didn't force me to eat things I didn't like, else it would've negatively affected my relationship with food and mealtimes in general. As long as tried new food at least once it was okay with them. My likes were limited as a kid but through experimentation we found foods that worked for me; there were also some foods I couldn't stand as a kid that I ended up tolerating and even loving once I got older. I still have my own go-tos as an adult but I'm much more versatile now.

Cruciferous posted...

But holy shit when you're 25+ years old and can't eat anything but French fries

Just because people online seem incapable of reading things in a way that doesn't make them want to argue about some dumb shit, this is what my posts have been referencing the entire time, as i made pretty clear in my first response. There are a lot of adults like this that literally refuse to eat anything but junk food garbage... and yes that is generally a result of lazy parents who let their kids eat whatever would get them to shut up the fastest. It's not the result of eating disorders. It's spoiled children who grew up with parents that never allowed them to expand their taste beyond nuggets

OhhhJa posted...

There are a lot of adults like this that literally refuse to eat anything but junk food garbage... and yes that is generally a result of lazy parents who let their kids eat whatever would get them to shut up the fastest. It's not the result of eating disorders. It's spoiled children who grew up with parents that never allowed them to expand their taste beyond nuggets

Have your tastes not changed as an adult? Have you not acquired new tastes, or tried something you thought you weren't big on in a context that you did enjoy? Why, then, do you insist that these adults are set in their ways purely because their upbringing never forced them to branch out?

Being spoiled as kids explains how they got there. It doesn't explain why they stay there. Being adamantly unwilling to try anything else or unable to enjoy it is absolutely disordered eating. That generally either suggests anxiety around trying new things or some manner of addiction to the things they do eat (which other foods don't satisfy, which is particularly relevant with high-sugar stuff). Maybe their parents are to blame for that. Maybe not. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of focusing on results and not self-righteous finger-pointing.

adjl posted...

Have your tastes not changed as an adult? Have you not acquired new tastes, or tried something you thought you weren't big on in a context that you did enjoy? Why, then, do you insist that these adults are set in their ways purely because their upbringing never forced them to branch out?

Being spoiled as kids explains how they got there. It doesn't explain why they stay there. Being adamantly unwilling to try anything else or unable to enjoy it is absolutely disordered eating. That generally either suggests anxiety around trying new things or some manner of addiction to the things they do eat (which other foods don't satisfy, which is particularly relevant with high-sugar stuff). Maybe their parents are to blame for that. Maybe not. It doesn't really matter in the grand scheme of focusing on results and not self-righteous finger-pointing.

Do you think that eating disorders can be created in people? Or are most cases from a genetic predisposition?

IDK if you know, but I'm just curious now.

It sounds possible some people are raised into eating disorders.

My brother refused to eat anything except 5 different foods up until recently. He ordered something new at a restaurant and I was really proud of him.

He used to get really sick from food poisoning as a child and I think that's why.

Cruciferous posted...

On a much smaller scale but slightly related note, I'm never inviting one friend to KBBQ again because she made the whole ordeal just a bit more difficult because she failed to disclose she's avoiding pork again

Meanwhile almost everything the rest of the group wanted to get was pork

Thankfully she ended up just choosing off the a la carte menu for a separate dish SO AS TO NOT MAKE IT EVERYONE'S PROBLEM. But it ruins the vibes of KBBQ!

if youre obsessed with what other people want to eat, you are the weirdo ruining the vibe

I like that it's assumed that I threw a hissy fit or something instead of letting dinner proceed like a normal human

but we are on the internet so it's not an unreasonable assumption to make

Cruciferous posted...

Do you think that eating disorders can be created in people? Or are most cases from a genetic predisposition?

I'm not going to hazard a guess at what the relative proportions are, but like most things, it's absolutely a mix of environment and genetics. That means that yes, some people can be (and have been) raised into eating disorders. Others innately had one, and their upbringing and experiences may or may not have been able to ameliorate it.

I don't understand why being nice to them is such an issue or difficult to do.

LOL goddamn

yeah I'm not responding to that person lmal

Stop judging people. You're not the food police. Yes, you're the jerk in these kind of situations. (Of course, this answer only matters if you're truly curious, and not just looking for confirmation bias on your own opinions.)

/end topic

A lot of sensory issues arise from things like autism and I absolutely believe you should have as much empathy for that sort of thing as other stuff.

adjl posted...

Remember kids: having an eating disorder as an adult just means your parents didn't adequately beat it out of you.

Being a picky eater isn't a disorder.

JCvgluvr posted...

Stop judging people. You're not the food police. Yes, you're the jerk in these kind of situations. (Of course, this answer only matters if you're truly curious, and not just looking for confirmation bias on your own opinions.)

/end topic

If somebody doesn't tell somebody else they're not eating something and trying to force other people to eat what they want then they're the asshole instead

Revelation34 posted...

Being a picky eater isn't a disorder.

Sometimes it isn't. Sometimes it is. You generally can't assume one way or the other unless you know the person well and they've shared with you their feelings on food, and even then that's not necessarily enough to conclusively say one way or the other because picky eating is villified to such an extent that many picky eaters don't even recognize the possibility that there might be mental health issues causing that picky eating.

[LFAQs-redacted-quote]

This from the guy who unapologetically committed a DUI and could have killed someone. You're throwing stones from inside a glass house. Also, you know full well I didn't harass a person for being raped.