Current Events > Old Simpsons jokes you remember randomly part 4: Simpsons on Patrol

(+) Yeah! (+)

"When Marge first told me she was going to the Police Academy, I thought it would be fun and exciting like that movie Spaceballs. But instead, it's been painful and disturbing like that movie Police Academy."

Bart : [worried about Sideshow Bob being released on parole] If only you knew what he was thinking!
[in the car]
Sideshow Bob : [thinking] I hope they still make that shampoo I like.

JaiCSC posted...

Bart : [worried about Sideshow Bob being released on parole] If only you knew what he was thinking!
[in the car]
Sideshow Bob : [thinking] I hope they still make that shampoo I like.

"AAAAHHH!!! SIDESHOW BOB!"

"Sidewhat Whom?"

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/3/AAA_aCAAEyhP.jpg

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/0/6/AAN5R1AAEyhS.jpg

I heard your dad went into a restaurant, and ate everything in the restaurant, and they had to close the restaurant.

Homer: "It's time to hit him where he lives."
Bart: "...His house?"
Homer: "Bingo."

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/5/1/4/AAEqD0AAEyha.jpg

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/3/4/5/AAN5R1AAEIAB.jpg

"Halfback passes to the center...back to the wing...back to the center...center holds it. Holds it. Holds it." *sighs*

"Halfback passes to center! Back to wing! Back to center! Center holds it! HOLDS IT! HOLDS IT!!!"

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/8/9/AAN5R1AADVYF.jpg

"Or what? You'll release the dogs? Or the bees? Or the dogs with bees in their mouths so when they bark they shoot bees at you? GO AHEAD, DO YOUR WORST!!!"

Release the robotic Richard Simmons!

Nuke the whales?

Eh gotta nuke somethin

Patty: The easiest way to be popular is to leech off the popularity of others.
Selma: So we propose changing our name from "Springfield" to "Seinfeld."
*Seinfeld-like music sting*

"They should have called this book Johnny Deformed."

"This town has a funny smell that you're all probably used to, but I'm not..."

Betty White: "If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, you're a thief. A common thief!"

"Smithers, look, he's standing up! I've never seen anything so adorable! You know who it reminds me of?"
"Benji?"
"No."
"Lassie?"
"No, no, no! A person, you know who I mean!"
"Snoop Doggy Dogg? Bob Barker? David Brenner?"
"No, no! The person who's always standing and walking!"
"Rory Calhoun?"
"That's it!"

Kajagogo posted...

Betty White: "If you watch even one second of PBS and don't contribute, you're a thief. A common thief!"

"You know who you are! THIEVES!!!"

"Mrs. Simpson, I have some bad news. Your husband was found DOA."
"Oh, my God! He's dead?"
"Oh, wait. I mean DWI. I always get those two mixed up."

...

"My name's Mrs. Phillips. You said my husband's DWI."
"Uhh... why don't you talk to that officer over there? I'm going out to lunch."

"Mr. and Mrs. Simpson, there's nothing to be alarmed about. Public school can be intimidating to a young child, particularly one with as many flamboyantly homosexual tendencies as your son."

"Bart's gay!?"

"Bart? Whoops, wrong file!"
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/4/2/3/AAN5R1AAEz9v.jpg

"Ooh, I don't know what 'phallocentric' means, but NO GIRLS!!"

"Did anyone see that new Woodsy Allen movie?"
"Y'know, I like his films, except for that nervous fella who's always in 'em!"

Apart of us all
Apart of us all
Apart of us all

"How could someone abuse their body that way? *gasp* Moe, don't throw out that brine!" *chugs*

"Baby... BABY... lemon..."

"All that sex for nothing!"

"Well that is a grim assessment."

Lisa needs braces

DENTAL PLAN!

Lisa needs braces

DENTAL PLAN!

Who wants a bathtub mint julip?

"Well Seymour, it seems we've put together a baseball team and I was wondering: Who's on first?"
"Yes! Not the pronoun, but rather a player with the unlikely name of 'Who' is on first."
"Well that's just great, Seymour. We've been out here six seconds and you've already managed to blow the routine."

"We're not going anywhere! I'm gonna do what Bart should've told me to do a long time ago!"

"mmm... hippo."

"You're looking at Adolf Hitler's personal limousine. There are some who say Hitler's skeleton is in the trunk. Others say just a spare tire. I'm a busy man so I haven't checked yet."

Tell them "You'll live to regret this".

You'll live to regret this!!

Oh great, now I look like the crazy one

So, the caterpillar has emerged from its cocoon... as a shark, with a gun for a mouth.

WilliamPorygon posted...

"You're looking at Adolf Hitler's personal limousine. There are some who say Hitler's skeleton is in the trunk. Others say just a spare tire. I'm a busy man so I haven't checked yet."

https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=hke7xQFXa30

It'll happen to YOU!

So that's it, after 20 years, so long, good luck?

I don't recall saying good luck.

Vengeance29 posted...

So that's it, after 20 years, so long, good luck?

I don't recall saying good luck.

This is in my head every day

"Foolish Dingo! You must find and devour the 7 Crystal Babies, or else spend eternity in DEEP DIDGERIDOO!"

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/1/6/9/AAN5R1AAE0ZB.jpg

Carl: I concur! (Pause.) Word of the day calendar. (Shows calendar, and the word is "conquer".)

"Grandpa, why don't you tell us a story? You've led an interesting life."
"That's a lie and you know it! But I have seen a looooooot of movies..."

"Mark Hamill IS Nathan Detroit"
"Pepper Steak IS the Entree"

"Ah, au gratin potatoes. Now that's a quality side!"

Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?
Now here's the tricky part.
Oh won't you rhyme with me?
Who needs the Kwik-E-Mart?

Marge: Their floors are Sticky-Mart!
Lisa: They made dad Sick-E-Mart!
Bart: Let's hurl a Brick-E-Mart!
Homer: The Kwik-E-Mart is real D'oh!

I am presently incarcerated, imprisoned for a crime I did not even commit. "Attempted murder," now honestly, did they ever give anyone a Nobel prize for "attempted chemistry?"

Well Seymour, I must say for once I am impressed. In fact I am going to give this school a perfect 10. I'll just write the zero first... and now a vertical line to indicate the one

"Why is that lunchlady posing as a nurse?"

"I get two paychecks this way."

"Does anyone have change for a button?"

"Excuse us, Rabbi Krustofsky?"
"Oh, what can I do for you my young friends?"
"We came to talk to you about your son."
"I HAVE NO SON!"
"Oh great. We came all this way and its the wrong guy."
"I didnt mean that literally!"