Board 8 > Anagram Ranks Anything Legend of Zelda-related with Full Write-Ups (spoilers)

(+) Yeah! (+)

Great Fairies

Bug-Catching Net

DragonGargoyle posted...

ALttP Ganon if my favorite portrayal of Ganon/Ganondorf

I love

Monster

And he has some of the same interesting story context here as he does in OoT, while also having the Dark World shaped entirely by his influence, which is interesting to think about. He has a less defined personality here compared to his later appearances as Ganondorf, so on top of having this dope stuff, he's also a source of speculation and "vibes" (idk if that makes sense)

I can see that, okay. I'm still pro-dorf, but I'll accept this as a good reason.

Apparatus Motion Control Shrines

Hestu's Gift

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Link (GameFAQs)

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies: The, like, implicit super magical world that exists on top of the normal peasant world, that Link interacts with occasionally, having its own like rulers or whatever? Pretty good idea. Every so often, Link's adventure takes him into contact with these ancient magical beings, and they're like "oh you helped me out, okay fine I'll give you some bonus I guess." Like, these fairies are very rarely helping you because they want to defeat Ganondorf or whatever, it's usually because they owe you one. It's the perfect way to represent all of that and to give Link various bonuses and items as he goes along. It's also useful because unlike, say, a blacksmith in a village, a fairy queen can plausibly have any item or magic the game wants to give you. I also like how they change designs with each game. But man, they sure don't seem to care about you bottling their friends and enslaving them until you get killed by a Likelike.
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker: This was sort of a major turning point for the series. Not because the series became super cheerful and colorful for a while, but because it established that OoT's more serious tone wasn't going to be the official Zelda tone going forward. They tried once more with TP, and then from then on, Zelda was just whatever the individual game felt like being. OoT, MM, and TP are just anomalies, and it's just because OoT was the first 3D game and such a seminal moment for video games in general that people think of it as one of the definitive titles. So, with all of that said, with millions of kids like us who thought of OoT as "the" Zelda title, and for that to be reinforced with MM, for Nintendo to pivot with its first GCN title and make this super cartoony, colorful, and enthusiastic game really angered a lot of people. But, I mean, hey, we're all adults now, so is WW a good game in its own right? Yes. Is it as good as OoT and MM? I don't think so, not really, but you can disagree if you like. There's so much more sailing in this game than there is walking in any other game, except BotW, but BotW makes up for it with lots of stuff to find and manipulate while you walk. Here? Good god, you can sail for five minutes and find nothing but random octoroks. When I played the game as a kid, I somehow missed the wind god guy who gives you the teleport ability, and this being 2002 or whatever, I had no idea you weren't supposed to be sailing from one corner of the map to the other. I guess you can call this an partly-open world game? It SORT OF is. It's almost like an open world game for the sailing portions, but punctuated by small-to-medium-sized islands with linear purposes? I know this game has a ton of ride-or-die fans, but to me, it's just okay. It's pretty good. The only part of the game that really gets me is the final boss and finale, which is the part that everyone likes. It's actually kind of interesting to look at this game as if the theme matters, because like, the whole plot is about Hyrule being destroyed, you're just squatting on what remains, and the last pieces of Old Hyrule (Ganondorf and the king) return. Ganondorf wants to drag things back and keep the old cycle going forever, and the king is like "no bro I'm gonna make sure everyone can move on and pursue new things," and it's like, from that description, you'd think this game would be super dour and depressing. But no, it's the cheeriest, most colorful, happiest game in the series. And then it's undermined again by the sequels where it's just more cycles in the new Hyrule, of course, but I'll forgive that.
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift: A great joke item to mock 100% completion people. I didn't even come close to 100% completion, I never even tried. I don't think I even found enough Korok Seeds to max out my inventory. It's also strangely immature for a Zelda title? Like, is this the first poop joke in a major Nintendo game? I remember restroom jokes in Earthbound, I guess, but that's about it.
Stone Tower Temple

Hey, Listen!
Linkle
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Hyrule Warriors
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman

Sidon: He's a perfectly well-designed Zora hero guy, no problems there. I like him more than the MM Zora guy you play as. So, he's the Sage of Water, eh? Wouldn't it be funny if just once, the Zora was the Sage of Fire or something, and it was awkward? Maybe not. Look, I don't know what to tell you about this guy, he's just a random guy who helps you during your journey. I remember riding him on the water and shooting arrows at something. Oh wait a second, was Sidon supposed to be 100 years old? I remember him being Mipha's younger brother, and she died like 100 years ago or something, right? Like, I don't really mind it when Link has to get the help of various NPCs from around the world for the finale, ala OoT. That's fine, and Sidon is perfectly fine in that role. I would care about him more if this was like a MM thing where you transform into people, but it's not, so eh.
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Stamina
Colgera's Boss Theme: I'll allow this, even though I said not to nominate TotK stuff. I'll say this for BotW/TotK, it really nails the epic atmosphere. It really nails the feeling of a grandiose world that Link must explore, the empty feeling of a post-apocalypse, and the feeling of being up against the entire world. This boss theme is an example of that. This is obviously Zelda at its most serious, as opposed to its sillier LA interpretations. But like... I don't really get a specific 'type' of boss feeling from this. There are boss themes that give you a feeling for what the boss might be like, like a very wizardy theme against a wizard, and here, all I'm getting is that it's probably a big epic monster, right?
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri: I said this before, but I've only ever used Ricky. I liked him the most as a kid, and I remember looking up how to ensure I'd get him. As an adult, I'm certain I would choose Moosh. Too late now! And yeah, again, early 2000s? This was back when Zelda was willing to do SLIGHTLY weirder things, like not having Ganon be the villain every game. Today, this would all just be Epona. I'm half-surprised SS's bird mount wasn't implied to be Epona's reincarnation. Preincarnation? Eh. Like, I obviously know that BotW lets you ride around on a billion different mounts that aren't Epona, but there's still an "official" Epona mount that's superior to all of the others. Imagine a game with that tone letting you ride around on a kangaroo, it would never happen today.
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Bug-Catching Net: I mean... when I think of the definitive Zelda items, this isn't what comes to mind. It's in three games, right? LttP, SS, and LBW. I think I remember it better for being Link's joke weapon in Soul Calibur II, when the joke weapon should have obviously been the Broken Biggorn Sword. God, remember when those games let you just choose between like ten weapons per character, and they all had cool bonuses? Does Soul Calibur even let you still do that? Anyway, I don't have any opinions about this item at all. I've never given a second thought.
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Vaati
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Rod of Seasons
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan: He's just so ugly. He's like the most hideous man ever. I guess it makes sense, since the CD-I Princess Zelda is also hideous, but god. Apparently, this is the same name in the CD-I and TV show versions, I was talking about the CD-I version there, but the TV show version apparently "gives Link tips on wooing his daughter." Yeah, okay.
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Demise: To me, Demise represents all of the worst aspects of the series. In design, he's another abstract black blob. In gameplay, he's a big monster man you have to fight like four times, and it's always the same thing (not counting the final fight). And in story, he's all about the deep lore. He's actually worse than Legends Arceus, in a way. Legends Arceus doesn't actually change anything, it's not like the Pokeverse is different for knowing that in the 1800s, there were some dickish clans in Hokkaido fighting with each other. But Demise is a big monster man whom you kill, and he says "lol I'll be back as Ganon in 2/3rds of the games bye." It's like if there was a Mario game where you go back in time and defeat Zowser, and as he dies he turns to his son and says "Bowser, avenge meeeeee" and we're supposed to care about all of the established Mario games through this lens. Like, Demise' final form is even supposed to influence what Ganondorf looks like, I guess? Because he looks just like Ganondorf. All of what I just said also applies to Fi being revealed as the origin of the Master Sword, it's like who even remotely begins to care.
Zelda Timeline

Veto
Apparatus Motion Control Shrines: I don't remember BotW's shrines well enough to rank this, sorry! But it sounds like the problem is that they make it difficult to emulate the game? I'm not that sympathetic.

Anagram posted...

I said not to nominate TotK stuff

Oops, I forgor. Sorry.

Zelda Kirby

https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/9/3/8/AAUKKbAAEtAq.jpg

Tetra

Four Swords Adventures

Companion Characters

Gleeokenspiel

Zant

Sidon is hot, ironically enough.

Epona.

Anagram posted...

The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask: ... I don't know if I've ever heard anyone ever complain about this game.

Have we met? Have you never heard me rail against Majora's Mask? Because I do it regularly and at pretty much every chance I get.

I absolutely LOATHE Majora's Mask. It takes an idea I thought would be cool before they made the game -- because I did have this idea in the 90s beforehand -- and shows me that I probably never would have liked it in practice. Or at least not the implementation we got in MM, because games that came along later pull it off far better than this steaming pile of garbage that is easily the biggest disappointment I've ever experienced in gaming.

Link Gets Bullied
https://youtu.be/qRBAyA_XxQM

Weapon Durability (BotW)

The Legend of Zelda theme

Gerudo Valley theme

azuarc posted...

Have we met? Have you never heard me rail against Majora's Mask? Because I do it regularly and at pretty much every chance I get.

I absolutely LOATHE Majora's Mask. It takes an idea I thought would be cool before they made the game -- because I did have this idea in the 90s beforehand -- and shows me that I probably never would have liked it in practice. Or at least not the implementation we got in MM, because games that came along later pull it off far better than this steaming pile of garbage that is easily the biggest disappointment I've ever experienced in gaming.

I had no idea you hated MM. I assume you dislike the time loop concept? I don't really understand how you can like OoT and hate MM.

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Legend of Zelda (Theme): Do doooo do do do do do dooooooooo do dooooooo do do do doooooo do do do do do do dooooooo do do do do do doooooooo do do do do do dooooooo do do duhduhduhduhduhduhduh do do do dooooo. Is this the best main theme for a game series? I think it might be. This and Punch-Out are definitely the best main themes for series represented in Smash (Bloody Tears isn't the main theme, and in any case, it's only strong for 9 seconds). It's definitely better than the main themes for Final Fantasy and MGS. Like, this theme just SCREAMS fantasy adventure, it's so good. However, despite it being so good, it was wise for BotW to dispense with it and do its own thing.
Link (GameFAQs)
Gerudo Valley (Theme): Call me basic, but I'm going there: this is the best Zelda song, and it has been since 1998. I don't know anything about music, so I can't really explain why it's so good, I just know what I like, and this is it. It doesn't have the main theme's adventurous feeling, it doesn't have the wacky energy of the windmill song, it doesn't have the morose tone of a lot of other OoT/MM music, but it just sounds good, y'know? "Why is it lower than the main Zelda theme, then?" Because while this is the most pleasant song in the series, the main theme just gives off better vibes for what it's meant to be. Does that make sense? Oh well, it's my list, I can be arbitrary and nonsensical if I want.

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial

Hey, Listen!
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift
Stone Tower Temple
Linkle
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Hyrule Warriors
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman
Tetra: Tetra was the first attempt to make Zelda an actual character. I feel completely ashamed of my teenage self for not immediately figuring out that it was Zelda, too. In any case, my opinion of Tetra is the same as everyone's: she's a lot of fun and a great character, then she turns into proper Zelda halfway through the game, and loses everything that makes her interesting... and also her tan. Not sure how that one works. Anyway, am I stupid? "Tetra-" is the prefix for four, right? Does this character have literally anything to do with the number four?
Sidon
Gleeokenspiel: Alright, look, I'll level with you. I didn't know what a glockenspiel is before this game. I looked it up specifically because of this boss. Maybe I'm just super uncultured, but to my eye, it just looks like a xylophone. But this is definitely the best pun in Zelda... a series that isn't really about the puns? I said this before, but this belongs in a Pokemon game, not a Zelda one.
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Stamina
Companions: Alright, thank you Zelda Wiki page on companions, let's see who we've got here... Ciela, Ezlo, Felicia, Fi, King of Red Lions, Linebeck, Midna, Navi, Proxi, Tatl, and Zelda. Well, we can ignore Felicia for being a manga character, and I don't remember Ciela or Proxi at all. I'm discounting Linebeck, too, because he's not really *with* you while you're adventuring. So, good companions: Ezlo, KoRL, Midna, Tatl, and Zelda. Bad companions: Fi and Navi. You might be thinking that the good companions vastly outnumber the bad ones, but Fi is just SO bad. Like, the idea of Link having a helper who comments on stuff for him (and the audience) is okay. And telling you how to defeat a particular enemy, or giving you a power to use, is good, like the hat in Mario Odyssey or whatever, that's fine. But it's easy to go overboard, when they do, they really do. God, it's interesting how the 'default' companion is a round fairy, isn't it? Like, it makes sense in OoT, because Link is from the forest where everyone has a fairy companion, and it makes sense in MM because he ran through the forest and another of those fairies joined him. But PH and HW still concoct reasons for more fairies to join him. It's like the Terminator franchise inventing increasingly stretched reasons to bring the T-800 back. Anyway, whether a companion is good or bad depends on their writing and how much of it there is (better to have less).
Colgera's Boss Theme
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island

Weapon Durability: People complained about this a lot, but like... are you nuts? If this didn't exist, there would be no incentive to really explore weird nooks and crannies, and you'd just want to sneak through some high level area early on, grab the ultimate sword of ass-stabbing, and then blast through the game. That's already sort of the easiest way to play the game. The only exception I'll allow is the Master Sword, I would have been fine with that being properly infinite use instead of the stupid recharge thing they have.
Bug-Catching Net
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
Link Gets Bullied: I didn't expect that ending. 15 years ago, huh? It's always weird to me when I discover some ancient internet thing that people knew about, but that somehow passed me by. 2008, goddamn. Goddamn. I'm so damn old.
Four Swords Adventures: I only played this alone, I assume the multiplayer experience is very different. It's fine. It's fine. There's almost nothing else to say. I can imagine how different it is if you play with a friend, but I didn't, so it feels more like a short series of random stupid dungeons with simplistic item usages rather than a coherent experience. This is a weird analogy, but this feels like the Icewind Dale to the normal games' Baldur's Gates, if you've played them. I have no idea how popular BG and IWD are on Board 8.

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Epona: Epona to me is evidence that people can get attached to anything. Epona is the most nothing aspect of the series. "There's a big field you need to run around in a lot, so let's give Link a horse." That's it. Epona isn't some magical superhorse, last of the great horse lords like Shadowfax. She's literally just a random horse you steal, to go through a field that's not even that large. Like, how bizarre is it that OoT is the game that introduces her? I'm pretty sure that the time you spend obtaining her is significantly longer than the time you spend riding her from place to place. Like, I don't mind Epona at all, but I much prefer her just being a random horse that a random Link used once, and other Links teaming up with kangaroos or giant lizards or giant birds. Has Link ever teamed up with a dolphin? Let's have a tropical island adventure where Epona reincarnates as a dolphin, and you ride around by grabbing her fin and being dragged along uncontrollably, I'm on board with that.
Vaati
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Zant: To me, Zant is the definitive "fake new villain who's just working for the series' main villain" villain. Like, they introduce this weird new guy with his own cool design and powers and motives, and then he's just pushed aside halfway through the game so Ganondorf can come back. Like, yes, I like Ganondorf more than Zant, but it's okay to not use Ganondorf. Especially when they're both evil shadow wizards! At least the big armor guy in the Oracle games is a big guy in armor. So, Zant's only value in the game is as a foil to... Midna? I don't know what to tell you, Zant is sort of emblematic of his game. Not terrible, but really just a big disappointment.
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby: Look, in the grand scheme of Kirby Smash hats, this is unremarkable. The good ones are when Kirby has some kind of REALLY unique element from the character that makes him look like he's really from the game, like Steve, WFT, G&W, or when the hat is very large and interesting to look at, like Samus, or is just funny, like Snake. But when it's just the character's hair or a small hat? I have no interest in that. Zelda's is at least a little easier to distinguish at a distance, since it's very long and bright, unlike the Fire Emblem characters' hair. Probably the worst are the Fire Emblem characters' (sans Corrin's, which, although I'm not thrilled at Corrin's inclusion, is at least very easy to distinguish at a distance), King K. Rool's, Rosalina's, Ness', Fox's, Jigglypuff's, Mewtwo's, Peach's, and Donkey Kong's, but Zelda's isn't exactly a winner, either. And I can't believe that Link's hat is still the floppy green hat when that's no longer his default look. And don't you dare say that that's Link's iconic outfit, because his Wario hat is the Warioware one. It's especially bad because the three Link hats are completely identical, I'm watching a Kirby hat video right now, and I can't tell the difference even looking at them. Yoshi's is lame, too, but at least it's easy to see. I don't know how I feel about him shouting "Pikachu" when using Thunder Bolt, since the reason Pikachu does that is that pokemon can only say their own name, it's not like a Falcon Punch deal. I'm not sure if I'd prefer him grunting or shouting "Kirby" instead. I also really like how stupid his Squirtle hat is, so I'll give him points for that one, too. Basically, the Zelda hat is possibly the most boring and unremarkable one of them all? It might actually be and OH GOD WHAT, Squidling Kirby's gun shoots blue? How do you screw that up? Of course it should shoot pink, goddamn, are you a madman, Sakurai?
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Demise
Zelda Timeline

Temple (Smash stage)

Twilight Princess

The Master Sword

Fishing in OoT

Anagram posted...

I had no idea you hated MM. I assume you dislike the time loop concept? I don't really understand how you can like OoT and hate MM.

I hated being on a timer in an adventure game where you're supposed to explore. I hated that certain things only happen at certain times, which forces you to sit around burning up your precious time waiting for it. I hated that you basically make no progress and then everything resets. I hated the stupid deku scrub form that was the only one I had for a while. I hated how unwelcoming the game felt in terms of game design. (And world design, but that's not important.) I hated a lot of the obnoxious puzzles. I hated the characters, none of whom I connected to at all. I hated the skill selection I had at my disposal compared to OoT.

Basically, I hated everything.

It's become almost meme-status at this point because it's been so long that I just blot the game out and can't remember the details. You'll recall that I won the GotD2 contest. I would have won GotD1, as well, if I hadn't hated this game, because I was only one of two people in the guru to pick a Zelda game and it would have been this one if I thought it wasn't the most abominable thing ever. (I went with Twilight Princess instead.)

Tri Force Heroes

The Moon over Termina

"sploosh" and "kaboom"

Anju/Kafei quest

The Old Man who takes your money for breaking his door

WazzupGenius00 posted...

The Old Man who takes your money for breaking his door

I have no memory of what this is.

azuarc posted...

I hated being on a timer in an adventure game where you're supposed to explore. I hated that certain things only happen at certain times, which forces you to sit around burning up your precious time waiting for it. I hated that you basically make no progress and then everything resets. I hated the stupid deku scrub form that was the only one I had for a while. I hated how unwelcoming the game felt in terms of game design. (And world design, but that's not important.) I hated a lot of the obnoxious puzzles. I hated the characters, none of whom I connected to at all. I hated the skill selection I had at my disposal compared to OoT.

Basically, I hated everything.

It's become almost meme-status at this point because it's been so long that I just blot the game out and can't remember the details. You'll recall that I won the GotD2 contest. I would have won GotD1, as well, if I hadn't hated this game, because I was only one of two people in the guru to pick a Zelda game and it would have been this one if I thought it wasn't the most abominable thing ever. (I went with Twilight Princess instead.)

This is also the spiciest of takes, I had no idea anyone on B8 hated it at all. Can't dispute your points, but I still enjoy the game.

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Legend of Zelda (Theme)
Link (GameFAQs)
Gerudo Valley (Theme)

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Master Sword: Eleven games out of twenty. The Master Sword only shows up 55% of the time, and according to the Wiki, not even that. It goes out of its way to specify that the Master Sword in OoX isn't the real one, but is just an upgraded Noble Sword by Farore that is similar to the real one. Thanks, Zelda Wiki editors! So, this sword appears 45% of the time, and yet, it's the definitive video game weapon. I cannot think of a single other weapon in any other video game that could represent video game weapons as a whole, aside from maybe the Buster Sword. And it's so simple! This goes back to what I was saying, that Link is intentionally designed to have no traits at all beyond being a generic hero character, and in that vein, his weapon needs to have no traits at all beyond being a generic hero's weapon, so it's just a sword with a blue hilt. This is the perfect embodiment of heroism in weapon form, and for what it needs to be, the Master Sword achieves that flawlessly. Poor other swords, though. Every time Link gets the Master Sword, whatever his previous sword was that took him on his journey just disappears, completely forgotten about. I also kind of like how in OoT, it's not the strongest sword. Like, Biggoron is just a guy, and he can make a better sword than it, but his version doesn't have god magic attached, so it can't banish evil or whatever. That makes complete sense.
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial

Hey, Listen!
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Anju/Kafei Quest: Ah, the perfect encapsulation of MM's tone: silly stuff juxtaposed with dark tragedy. It's funny how Kafei can just end everything at any point, but refuses to because he doesn't want to admit he lost his wife's mask, so you have to go to completely insane ends, traveling all across the world, to help him. And the culmination of your hard work? Tatl commenting that they look more like mother and child, even though Kafei is 12 and Anju is like 18. I really like how finishing this quest requires you to wait until the last possible second, too. The world is literally about to end, and Kafei bursts in to show that he really does love Anju. What happens if you don't deliver the note to Anju saying to stay? I hope you get a scene where she's just not there and Kafei is depressed. Such an odd "ultimate" quest, too. Most of the quests in the game are about helping someone overcome some personal problem they have, and the biggest, most epic one is basically about a guy who lost his wedding ring. Like, that's the thing, Anju does not care that Kafei was cursed to look like a little kid, and Kafei knows she won't care. I have never actually finished this quest without checking a GameFAQs guide, by the way.
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift
Stone Tower Temple
Linkle
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Hyrule Warriors

I'm so Hungry, I could eat an Octorok!
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman
Tetra
The Moon: The scary face that keeps getting closer, the sheer hatred in its eyes for no reason... pretty good, eh? Like, obviously everyone in the world knows about the "man in the moon" illusion in real life, so they just made it more explicit and obvious here. It's a really good ugly scary face, but I wonder if the effect would be as strong with just a normal moon. Like, there's no reason why it has a scary face, is there? That's not part of the deep lore. Why does it look like that?
Gleeokenspiel
Sidon
Twilight Princess: I remember before this game came out, everyone was like "oh man, this is going to be THE game of the century, this is going to redefine everything, this is going to be the greatest game ever made." It gets an 8.8/10 on GameSpot, and people flame the hell out of the writer, because it's just not possible for the game to be anything short of a masterpiece. And then it comes out, and... it's fine. It's perfectly, serviceably fine. It does have one of my favorite sequences in the series, which I won't say in case someone nominates it, but goddamn, is TP ever the most disappointing Zelda game. It's nowhere near the worst, but no one expected great things from PH. It's almost frustratingly mediocre, and it's extra frustrating, because its mediocrity is probably why the series pivoted away AGAIN from the bleaker tone of OoT and MM and now permanently oscillates between silly and epic. Don't believe me? I'll list the games after TP. Silly: PH, ST, LBW, TFH. Epic: BotW, TotK. Combo: SS. 2006 was the last time we had a dark Zelda title. And I'm not even saying I prefer the dark titles, I'm just saying that we lost an entire tone of Zelda game because of this game's failure to achieve. And then on top of that, like, I know that every Zelda game is basically the same thing in terms of how you interact with the world (until BotW), but goddamn, this game comes as close as it can to just remaking OoT. But unlike, say, LttP, which is also basically just a remake of LoZ, TP doesn't do anything better than OoT. It tries to be darker and more epic, but it fails to be more exciting and engaging. The only thing it has over OoT is Midna. That's it. Everything else is either as good as or worse than its OoT equivalent. And like, I've said before that I don't play these games for their deep characterization, but is this the worst version of Zelda? Not counting the older games on the NES and SNES, I mean. This Zelda is so reserved and barely interacts with you at all, the five seconds you spend with kid Zelda in OoT give her infinitely more character. Even the fight with Ganondorf is less epic. He's like "I'll finish you once and for all, Link," and pulls out this badass sword, and it's like... this is less engaging than not only the OoT fight, but probably all of the previous Ganon fights, isn't it? I don't know, this game feels like an obligation. Like Nintendo felt obligated to make another OoT after the mixed reception WW got, but their hearts weren't in it.
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Temple (Smash Stage): This is both the best and worst stage in Smash. It's like the largest stage ever (yeah, yeah, I'm sure something else is technically larger), but it's huge both horizontally and vertically. It's got so many little "locations" in it that make it basially impossible to kill someone, or alternatively, way too easy to kill yourself by accident. I don't think I've ever had a game in this stage against human players that didn't instnatly turn into stalling. I think this is the ultimate stall stage, right? Because if you're fast and light, it's in your interest to play keepaway and only take potshots, and if you big and defensive, it's in your interest to try to keep the enemy in the middle or top of the stage. And god forbid if your enemy is someone with a lot of vertical movement who can go from the very bottom platform to the top. I can't count how many times I've hit someone with an ostensibly OHKO move, only for them to bounce in the middle of the stage so many times that they're just fine at the end. This stage isn't pure chaos, like Big Blue, but it's something similar. Definitely not a stage of skill, but a stage of... something.
Stamina
Companions
Colgera's Boss Theme
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Weapon Durability
Bug-Catching Net
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
Link Gets Bullied

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Epona
Vaati
Squid-Hunt (Minigame): It's just Battleship, isn't it? God, remember when they made a Battleship movie, heavily advertised Liam Neeson, and then he's in it for ten seconds? Probably not. I may be the only person on Earth who remembers that movie. This is something I like about the big epic game series, is that they can occasionally mix things up with silly minigames. Still, nothing Zelda has can compete with Triple Triad. That and Blitzball are probably the best minigames in any game, ever.
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Zant
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Triforce Heroes: This is another game that was intended to be multiplayer, but I played it solo, and there was really nothing to say about it. It's not even bad or anything, like I put it on a low tier, but to be clear, there are very few things in Zelda that are atrocious, this isn't like the Star Trek or Final Fantasy rankings where the low tiers are for truly awful things. Like, it's not a bad idea, the idea of a fashion-based adventure, but there's not much to this game, is there? It's like the perfect game to play for a week, and then forget about.
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby
Fishing Minigame (OoT): There has never been a good fishing minigame, ever. There have only been tolerable ones. I'm sure they're very easy to program, and I understand why you might want some kind of slow-paced minigame to break things up, but I've just never enjoyed them in any game. I've never played a full game about fishing, either, so it might very well be that I just hate fishing games entirely. I got my fishing to 300 during Covid in WoW Classic, though. Also, who the hell is trekking out to Lake Hylia to fish? I'm sure the real estate is cheap, but there is no way this place is getting any traffic, the nearest town is literally on the other corner of Hyrule Field, the Goron town is even farther away, and Castle Town is an undead nightmare. I guess the Zora have easy access to Hyrule Lake, and I guess fishing might be a novelty to them, but their city's been frozen for however long. Actually, that's a good question, when did Zora's Domain get frozen over exactly? Seven years is a large window.
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Demise
Zelda Timeline

Anagram posted...

I have no memory of what this is.

You know how there are walls and bushes you can destroy to find the Its a secret to everybody guy who gives you a bunch of rupees? Its the opposite.
https://gamefaqs.gamespot.com/a/user_image/6/6/0/AADIBqAAEtL8.jpg

Phantom Hourglass

The "Primitive 3D Aesthetic"

Apparatus Motion Control Shrines: I don't remember BotW's shrines well enough to rank this, sorry! But it sounds like the problem is that they make it difficult to emulate the game? I'm not that sympathetic.

no, its because they're motion control and suck to actually play
anyway, for what to rank...

Kirby (Link's Awakening)
https://zelda.fandom.com/wiki/Kirby

I didn't nom the mini game I nominated the quotes "sploosh" and "kaboom"

azuarc posted...

I hated being on a timer in an adventure game where you're supposed to explore. I hated that certain things only happen at certain times, which forces you to sit around burning up your precious time waiting for it. I hated that you basically make no progress and then everything resets. I hated the stupid deku scrub form that was the only one I had for a while. I hated how unwelcoming the game felt in terms of game design. (And world design, but that's not important.) I hated a lot of the obnoxious puzzles. I hated the characters, none of whom I connected to at all. I hated the skill selection I had at my disposal compared to OoT.

Basically, I hated everything.

It's become almost meme-status at this point because it's been so long that I just blot the game out and can't remember the details. You'll recall that I won the GotD2 contest. I would have won GotD1, as well, if I hadn't hated this game, because I was only one of two people in the guru to pick a Zelda game and it would have been this one if I thought it wasn't the most abominable thing ever. (I went with Twilight Princess instead.)

Wow and my take for MM is almost exactly a complete opposite. I did not realise you hated this game so much. Guess I should have been louder about how much I love it on Discord. :p

The Frog's Song of Soul (original Gameboy version)
https://youtu.be/Zx1CgGTb6b8?t=36

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZLgrFMrdBYs&t=87s

This treasure in Pikmin 4 (1:27 if the timestamp in the URL doesn't work)

Kinstones

Tadtones

Fierce Deity Link

I Coveted That Wind
Link (Soul Calibur II)
The Legend of Zelda: Ocarina of Time
Zelda/Sheik in Smash
Midna
Legend of Zelda (Theme)
Link (GameFAQs)
Gerudo Valley (Theme)

Good!
Cadence of Hyrule
Master Sword
Princess Zelda (Spirit Tracks)
Koji Kondo
The Legend of Zelda: Majora's Mask
Gerudo Outfit (BotW)
The Missing Link
Goron
Hookshot
Hearts
CD-I Cutscenes
Legend of Zelda (Name)
Great Fairies
Skull Kid
Going Straight to Castle Hyrule in BotW
Japanese Link to the Past commercial

Hey, Listen!
The Legend of Zelda: The Wind Waker
Z3R
Bongo Bongo
Anju/Kafei Quest
Magnet Gloves
BotW Cooking Jingle
Hestu's Gift
Stone Tower Temple
Linkle
Second Quest
Great Bay Temple
Heroic Fantasy
The Legend of Zelda: Link's Awakening
Link, the Silent Protagonist
The Legend of Zelda: A Link to the Past
The Legend of Zelda: Oracle of Seasons/Ages
Groose
Ghirahim
Medli
Saria
Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Jeremy
Hyrule Warriors

I'm so Hungry, I could eat an Octorok!
Kirby (Link's Awakening): As a kid, I didn't know what Kirby was, so I just interpreted this as a random round enemy. My knowledge of Nintendo characters really expanded when I played Smash 64. Man, how low has Kirby fallen, that he needs to moonlight as a basic enemy in Zelda games now? Though, I guess LA is just a dream, right? So, it makes sense that Link would vaguely dream about one of his hero friends as an enemy. God, between this and Wart, LA has truly the deepest lore. I also appreciate how the Wiki had to pluralize his name as "Kirbies." I kind of like the idea of Nintendo characters occasionally showing up in each other's games, but I'll say this: it's funny that Mario is a huge name, so Mario representation is just some goombas. Kirby, though, he's not as popular as Mario, so he needs to trek out there and actually show up himself. Do you get what I'm saying?
Ganon's Tower (LttP)
The Mask Salesman
Tetra
The Moon
Door Charge Old Man: It's a little funny. This reminds me of in RPGs, the tendency to have like a character early on criticize you for RPG behavior, then it's never brought up again. Like KotOR1, if you raid a guy's apartment, he'll complain about you being a thief... and then you can raid every apartment you see for the rest of the game, no problems. Same thing with Hrothgar's chest in the five five minutes of IWD1. Like, it's a funny thing to have a subversion of expectations one time, but mildly funny is all it is.
Gleeokenspiel
Sidon

Twilight Princess
Rolling in Ocarina of Time
Temple (Smash Stage)
Stamina
Companions
Colgera's Boss Theme
The Legend of Zelda: The Minish Cap
Using Ocarina of Time to speedrun Paper Mario
Ezlo
Dragon Roost Island (Music)
Ricky, Moosh, and Dimitri
Malo Mart
Drgn roost island
Weapon Durability
Bug-Catching Net
The Legend of Zelda: Spirit Tracks
Gameboy Zelda Aesthetic
The Legend of Zelda (Rabbit Joint)
Sploosh and Kaboom (Quotes): I guess I did the minigame dirty, in that I didn't mention these. These are pretty much the only memorable or fun part of the game? Like, the rest is a simplified version of Battleship, but these quotes are... also there? It's strange how something as stupid as a guy screaming SPLOOSH KA-BOOOOOM can be so memorable. But like... it's not really THAT memorable. I don't know what you expected.
Link Gets Bullied

Well ExcuuuuUUUUuuuuuuUUUUuuUuuuUUUUse Me, Princess!
Epona
Vaati
Squid-Hunt (Minigame)
Nintendo Power LttP Comics
David Jr.
Zant
Makar
Kass
5000 Rupee Heart Piece in MM
Gohma
xenosaga's Impulse Link/Epona Figure
Mechanical Harp: Windmills (Pikmin 4): Doesn't Pikmin take place in the distant future, after Earth is destroyed? I'm willing to believe that Olimar would encounter a recording of the Windmill Song from Zelda, but I refuse to believe that exists in mechanical harp form. I don't even know where you'd buy a mechanical harp like that. Anyway, this rendition of the song is kind of lame? It lacks the energy and wackiness that really make the song what it is.
Legend of Zelda (NES)
Frostare
Nintendo Cereal System
Ancient Cistern
Triforce Heroes
Primitive 3D Aesthetic: I mean, it was our collective childhood. It's so ugly, but I do like it. I admit this is pure nostalgia, and it's not actually any good. Like, have you seen the original FFVIII recently? Have you really taken a good look at Mario 64 lately? I know that the jump from 2D to 3D was inevitably going to involve some teething issues, and not every series was going to make it out unscathed (poor Earthworm Jim probably had it the worst, though Sonic had the greatest fall from grace), but we're lucky that Mario 64 and OoT nailed everything in one try, even if they're just plain old kind of ugly. And if you want to see what this stuff looks like without the benefit of nostalgia, just check out N64-styled indie games on Steam. I played one named Valkie 64 lately, which is an OoT knockoff, and it's only a little worse-looking than the real OoT, and it's complete trash. Don't play it. But do look up a screen shot. And yet... I'll say this, OoT Ganondorf actually does look better than TP Ganondorf. To be sure of that, I just looked up Ganon's Wiki article, and I noticed it uses the "Dragmire" last name. I thought that wasn't canon?
Rod of Seasons
Zelda Kirby
Fishing Minigame (OoT)
Forced Stealth Sections
King Harkinan
Heart Pieces Locked Behind Bad Minigames
Zelda II: The Adventure of Link
Kinstones: I don't really mind a sidequest of "collect all of the thingies," that's common in video games. And the idea that the Minish make little stones that represent friendship, the stones get broken, and you need to collect and merge them together? That's fine, that makes sense, I like it well enough. But I remember them being really annoying to find. I may be mistaken, it's been a really long time since I played MC.

You've Met with a Terrible Fate
The Legend of Zelda: The Phantom Hourglass: This is probably the worst mainline Zelda title. It's not like SS, which emphasizes all of the worst elements of the series, but instead it just manages to do everything wrong. It's actually kind of insane how it dodges every opportunity to do something correctly. We have WW's sailing, reusing a single dungeon like five times, and the worst offense of all, stylus controls. I don't think anyone likes it when Nintendo does weird experimental controls, right? I remember everyone complaining about that ruining the newest Star Fox game, though I never played it. I did play this and KIU, and although KIU is good in most regards, styluses are just a bad way to control video games, I'm sorry. That will never change. It's like, if you asked me to rank the best ways to play video games, I'd say it's Keyboard and Mouse > Controller > Sylus > Motion Controls. I'm probably forgetting a way or two, but it doesn't matter, I'm sure you get the point. The only thing this game brought us that people tend to like is Linebeck, who is a fun character... but that's it. Even the main villain of the game is sort of lame, he's just a big squid monster. That isn't the worst-looking final boss in the series (Vaati's abstract eyeball form is worse), but I mean... if it's between things like this, and Ganondorf for the eight-hundredth time, I'll take Ganondorf. Like, I'm sorry, I can't imagine anyone ever saying "Phantom Hourglass is in my top 50% of Zelda games," but prove me wrong if you can.
Equipment Rental
Freshly-Picked Tingle's Rosy Rupeeland
Frog's Song of Soul (LA:DX): When I started this up, my parents' dog looked up from her bed, stared at me for a while, and then left the room. Wait a second, is that Wart from SMB2? And Wart was also in a dream. God, the lore is so ****ing deep.
Tadtones: Again, I've said it before, but SS is everything bad about the series. What makes the Tadtones so annoying is that you have to find them as a test to prove you're the true destined hero or whatever, but by this point, you already have equipment that only the true hero can obtain, so you've already proven it. SS has more "prove you're the hero" tests than ****ing Morrowind. It's made worse by the fact that they're underwater and scattered over an extremely large area, and a lot of them move, but the real kicker is how unnecessary it is. It's not presented as "only the Tadtones can open the door forward," it's just "I want to be sure you're the real hero, and only he could find music note-shaped tadpoles."
Demise
Zelda Timeline