Board 8 > Poll for non-smokers

(+) Yeah! (+)

Let's say you're interested in someone and everything about this person is good, EXCEPT he/she smokes occasionally at parties. I assume most non-smokers are against smoking, so even though this person doesn't smoke regularly, would this be enough of a dealbreaker for you? Or you think you can make an exception because he/she ticks all the checkboxes otherwise?

How confident do people feel they can find someone else who fits all their criteria, including being a non-smoker?

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Not just occasionally. It's always a dealbreaker.

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FFDragon posted...

Not just occasionally. It's always a dealbreaker.

"Is occasional smoking a deal breaker?" - barreldragon

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Cigarettes smells, active or lingering (sticking to furniture/clothes ect) triggers migraines for me. Can't deal.

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This question is silly. I have never in my life met an occasional smoker.

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Going strictly by occasionally at parties I have to say no, since I wouldnt want to date anyone who went to a lot of parties anyway
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Also, this is kinds of like asking if it would be a dealbreaker if someone occasionally shit their pants. Ewww.

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redrocket posted...

This question is silly. I have never in my life met an occasional smoker.

yeah. the bit about parties makes me wonder if this is about pot

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Not only is the lingering smell awful, but kissing a smoker is also awful.

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redrocket posted...

This question is silly. I have never in my life met an occasional smoker.

I know many. People who only smoke when they drink aren't entirely uncommon.

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Corrik7 posted...

I know many. People who only smoke when they drink aren't entirely uncommon.

We talking like a pack a week, or a pack a month?
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having lived with my brother who smokes for 4 years absolutely

fuck that was horrible

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lol at the concept of an "occasional smoker"

They don't exist.

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they do

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I don't THINK it would be a dealbreaker, but it might be kinda close.

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I'm baffled that people think occasional smokers don't exist.

Corrik7 posted...

I know many. People who only smoke when they drink aren't entirely uncommon.

That's the case here, they smoke when they drink. How often they drink, I don't know

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Jakyl25 posted...

We talking like a pack a week, or a pack a month?

I used to be an occasional smoker. If I drank once a week, I would smoke a pack a week (sometimes I wouldn't even finish the pack). If I drank once a month, a pack a month. If every 3 months, one every 3 months.

It was completely centered around how much I drank. It drove doctor's nuts when they asked if I was a smoker.

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Wow a whole pack in one night of drinking? That seems like a lot all at once

I think I could deal with a pack a month or less, all outside the home

Any more frequent than that, or any in the home, dealbreaker
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There could be a lot to unpack here - if the parties are occurring regularly, then there's regular smoking. The person does this in a group but it's not important enough to them to engage in alone, makes me wonder about their pushover quotient [speaking as a recovering pushover, it's overall not healthy - no matter whether we're talking smoking, recreational shopping, or fries/nachos].

Have had plenty of people in my life lose a lot to smoking and its effects, and I miss the ones that should still be around and aren't.

If you've smoked a couple times when you were younger to try it and found that it wasn't for you and stopped, I'm in the same boat and I get that. If it's something you return to when you're stressed or when you socialize, that's not gonna shake out with me.

I want the person I love to be as happy and healthy as possible. My idea of fun is mostly staying home/engaging in quiet activities, and my idea of stability is not spending a lot of money needlessly. Someone who needs to go out a lot, or needs [insert substance of choice here] in order to have fun...it isn't going to align very well.

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Absolutely ridiculous to deny the existence of occasional smokers, speaking as one. I haven't had one for maybe five years. But before that I would sometimes smoke at shows or if I was drinking. Never to cop with stress and never with any regularity. Never felt addicted.

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Non smoker.
Not a dealbreaker here. I'd like them to smoke less and would encourage but that's gonna come up in convo and if she's my ideal anyway on everything else, she knows.

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Depends if they're trashy florida smoker or artsy french smoker

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I don't think I could be with anyone who ever had the urge to smoke at home. Smoke is incredibly unpleasant. The itchy eyes and throat caused by second hand smoke- plus potential damage to your home- are what do it more than the smell itself.

Even social smoking is a significant mark against them. There's a lot of subconscious calculus that goes on in my brain when it comes to this stuff, and I'm not 100% sure how it all works.

I'm not sitting there like a robot with a checklist. I'm just less likely to find smokers attractive in the first place. And a smoker's breath is a visceral reminder that I probably don't want to be around this person all the time. Sometimes is okay. Just not all the time.

If someone shared literally all of my lifestyle preferences, except they smoked literally one cigarette every other weekend at a social gathering, I wouldn't care at all.

I think to give you better feedback on your specific situation I'd need more details.

barreldragon88 posted...

How confident do people feel they can find someone else who fits all their criteria, including being a non-smoker?

My answer? I guarantee it. There's well more than one person for us out there. If you truly "only smoke occasionally at parties" and you want to date a non-smoker, it's probably easier to just stop doing that

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Depends on what they're smoking tbh

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Murphiroth posted...

I'm baffled that people think occasional smokers don't exist.

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I was born with a lung issue and cigarette smoke makes me cough and gag. Same with any kind of smoke.

Nothing against the person, but smoking of any kind is a no for me.

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I guess beggars can be choosers after all.

Yes, for me it would be a deal breaker. My job requires me to be a non-smoker, and being in the proximity of a smoker on a regular basis would raise questions.

Never dated anyone who smoked, even occasionally.

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Former fratboy stereotype. Smoking ain't a dealbreaker (and back when I cared, people who smoked were usually more open about hooking up) but if there ain't at least a gum chewing before anything, the "anything" ain't happening.

I imagine this went in reverse on me on a night or two when I went full Roman Vomitorium to drink more.

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For a friend? Whatever, it's fine.

For a relationship? Hard no. It's too gross in any quantity.

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Earthshaker posted...

Former fratboy stereotype. Smoking ain't a dealbreaker (and back when I cared, people who smoked were usually more open about hooking up) but if there ain't at least a gum chewing before anything, the "anything" ain't happening.

I imagine this went in reverse on me on a night or two when I went full Roman Vomitorium to drink more.

what does you exiting the building have to do with smoking

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barreldragon88 posted...

Let's say you're interested in someone and everything about this person is good, EXCEPT he/she smokes occasionally at parties. I assume most non-smokers are against smoking, so even though this person doesn't smoke regularly, would this be enough of a dealbreaker for you? Or you think you can make an exception because he/she ticks all the checkboxes otherwise?

How confident do people feel they can find someone else who fits all their criteria, including being a non-smoker?

It sounds like being an occasional smoker is taking a toll on your ability to date the people you want and you should quit. "Don't smoke" is such a strong mental block for most people that its absence is odd.

Things aren't generally "dealbreakers," but it would bother me. It would remind me of a bunch of people I outgrew.

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NFUN posted...

what does you exiting the building have to do with smoking

Just an aside that I probably wasnt very desirable to hook up with when my teeth likely tasted of rum soaked vomit.

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Yes because as a former smoker I dont want that in my life anymore

fortunately all my husband does is chewing tobacco

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Earthshaker posted...

Just an aside that I probably wasnt very desirable to hook up with when my teeth likely tasted of rum soaked vomit.

where does vomit come into this?

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I have OCD and having either cigarette or marijuana smells on my stuff has always been an issue I get preoccupied with. It's not even a matter of feeling like there's danger from the odors, it's just a constant fixation with cross-contamination with smells I deeply hate.

So yeah, likely dealbreaker. Or you could look at it as my OCD being a dealbreaker for them!

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Yeah, if it was more infrequent, like once every few years when something really stressful happens I'd be more able to look past it I think

barreldragon88 posted...

How confident do people feel they can find someone else who fits all their criteria, including being a non-smoker?

Very confident. Unless you have a ridiculouslu strict set of crieria, chances are there are hundres of people who fit it

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I'd question why they felt the desire to smoke at parties to begin with. Like, what about a party specifically makes them want to smoke? Is it anxiety? Is it to fit in? Those are warning signs of bigger issues that could easily lead to more frequent smoking, so it'd be a pass for me.

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StealThisSheen posted...

I'd question why they felt the desire to smoke at parties to begin with. Like, what about a party specifically makes them want to smoke? Is it anxiety? Is it to fit in? Those are warning signs of bigger issues that could easily lead to more frequent smoking, so it'd be a pass for me.

You are already secondhand smoking how much. What does it even matter? Some people who occasionally smoke do so for the nicotine high that you generally only get when you infrequently smoke.

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StealThisSheen posted...

I'd question why they felt the desire to smoke at parties to begin with. Like, what about a party specifically makes them want to smoke? Is it anxiety? Is it to fit in? Those are warning signs of bigger issues that could easily lead to more frequent smoking, so it'd be a pass for me.

and why do people drink at parties? sounds like weak-willed alcoholics in the making

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NFUN posted...

and why do people drink at parties? sounds like weak-willed alcoholics in the making

If somebody regularly gets drunk at parties, that'd also be a pass.

The difference is casual drinking doesn't directly impact me like smoking does. Seems like a pretty simple difference.

Sorry my opinions upset you, I guess.

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StealThisSheen posted...

If somebody regularly gets drunk at parties, that'd also be a pass.

The difference is casual drinking doesn't directly impact me like smoking does. Seems like a pretty simple difference.

Sorry my opinions upset you, I guess.

Unempathetic and inconsistent opinions are indeed a pet peeve of mine

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NFUN posted...

Unempathetic and inconsistent opinions are indeed a pet peeve of mine

There's nothing inconsistent about it. Being around a smoker is unpleasant to me. Smoking has an actual direct impact on me which drinking does not. Thus, casual drinking is not an immediate turn off to me, though it can most certainly become one. Smoking is.

Maybe you should spend less time being bothered by the opinion of somebody you'll never meet and more time figuring out why this subject makes you so insecure.

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Saying that having a cigarette at a party is a "warning sign of bigger issues" is stupidly judgmental. It's fair to say "I don't like smoking so no" but saying "oh you smoke? there must be something wrong with you" is not.

Edit: nvm, I misread. But I will say that having a cigarette at a party shouldn't be assumed to be anxiety or a desire to fit in. Smoking is actually, believe it or not, pleasurable for some people.

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colliding posted...

Saying that having a cigarette at a party is a "warning sign of bigger issues" is stupidly judgmental. It's fair to say "I don't like smoking so no" but saying "oh you smoke? there must be something wrong with you" is not.

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colliding posted...

Saying that having a cigarette at a party is a "warning sign of bigger issues" is stupidly judgmental. It's fair to say "I don't like smoking so no" but saying "oh you smoke? there must be something wrong with you" is not.

Edit: nvm, I misread. But I will say that having a cigarette at a party shouldn't be assumed to be anxiety or a desire to fit in. Smoking is actually, believe it or not, pleasurable for some people.

Even if it's just pleasurable to some people, that could mean it could still be tempting for them to smoke in other situations as well.

What I'm basically saying is that the chance that somebody literally only smokes at parties and never anywhere else isn't a chance I really care to take, personally.

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NFUN posted...

colliding posted...
Saying that having a cigarette at a party is a "warning sign of bigger issues" is stupidly judgmental. It's fair to say "I don't like smoking so no" but saying "oh you smoke? there must be something wrong with you" is not.

Perhaps you should reread and see that's not what I'm saying, as the person you quoted was able to see.

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StealThisSheen posted...

Even if it's just pleasurable to some people, that could mean it could still be tempting for them to smoke in other situations as well.

What I'm basically saying is that the chances that somebody literally only smokes at parties and never anywhere else isn't a chance I really care to take, personally.

that's fair - just leave diagnosing anxiety out of it!

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colliding posted...

that's fair - just leave diagnosing anxiety out of it!

I'm not specifically diagnosing, I was just naming potential reasons to basically highlight that to me, personally, no reason is what I'd deem acceptable as far as something I'd want to be around. That includes people that just find it pleasurable.

I'm not trying to dismiss people that smoke as "there must be something wrong with them," I'm just saying that to me, smoking at a party implies they'll be more likely than not to smoke on other occasions as well. And even if I'm wrong, it's not a chance I care to take.

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