Poll of the Day > Arthur Gear Solid: Mom Eater

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Arthur Gear Solid: Mom Eater
A little Arthur spoof I made. Contains strong language/suggestive themes. Be advised.

Arthur arrives at Buster's house and knocks on the door. Buster answers and is pleased to see his best friend.

Buster: Hey, Arthur. I was just about to make a baloney pizza. Want some?

Arthur: No thanks, Buster. I've actually got to talk to you about something.

Buster: Huh? What is it? Come inside.

Arthur steps in and sits down on the couch across from Buster.

Buster: So what's up? Is it about the new Bionic Bunny comic book? Because I saw a commercial and --

Arthur: Buster...

Buster sees that it's something serious. He sits down across from Arthur, who sighs.

Arthur: Remember last night after we finished playing Dark Bunny at my house? And your mom came to pick you up?

Buster: Yeah. What about it?

Arthur: Do you know why she was in my room with me for such a long time?

Buster: Yeah, she said she was getting my sleeping bag and toys. And since I'm so messy it took her a while to get it all together. And you were helping her. I can't argue that, I'm pretty messy.

Arthur: *sigh* Well, she wasn't packing your things. And I wasn't helping. We were doing...something else.

Buster: Something else?

Arthur: Well, at first we were packing up your things. She was across the room getting your Bionic Bunny comics. She was bending over getting them all together and I looked over and saw her...her...behind. And it made me feel things that I'd never felt before. Good things. Things I never felt around MY mom for sure. I don't know what it was.

Arthur looks at Buster, who is listening closely. He continues.

Arthur: Well, I ignored it. But then I saw her turn around and put the comics in your bag, and her top button on her shirt was open. I saw down into her shirt, and saw these two round things hanging from her chest. They were so...nice. I just loved staring at them, I couldn't stop. But then...

Buster: What?

Arthur: She saw me looking. I thought she'd be mad, but she wasn't. She just smiled at me and started walking over. I was scared, I thought she was going to hit me or something. But she just started rubbing my arm and said, "Did you like what you saw?"

Arthur has tears rolling down his cheeks now.

Arthur: Then she said, "I'll show you more...a lot more." And she led me over to my bed, where she started taking her clothes off until she was completely naked.

Buster: What?! Why would she do that?

Arthur: It only got worse. Then she took off my clothes. I couldn't do anything, I was scared. She started...doing things. Then I heard my mom asking what was taking so long and so she rushed downstairs with your stuff. I couldn't move for ten minutes.

Arthur looks down

Arthur: That's what happened.

Buster is silent, expressionless. He slowly stands up, eyes having never left Arthur, and walks over to him.

Buster: Arthur..you...

Arthur looks up at Buster. It's silent for a minute. Then Buster's hands are around Arthur's neck, choking him. Arthur struggles, tries to pry Buster off, but years of eating anything humanly edible have given him some sort of freak strength.

Buster: You slept with my mom you little shithead!

Arthur struggles, his punches and kicks slowing down as his breathing stops, and he blacks out.

***

Arthur comes to in a torture room. He is strung from the ceiling by both hands, clothes AWOL. Intense pressure on his shoulders means they've probably been dislocated by his body weight. His vision is fuzzy without his glasses, but he can make out the white outline of someone familiar.

Buster: Hello, Arthur.

The white outline comes closer to him and comes into clearer focus. It's now clear that Buster is in a Gestapo uniform from the World War II era. He stands smiling.

Buster: As you can see, I don't take my best friends screwing my mom lightly.

Arthur: Buster....no, it wasn't my fault. Please...

Buster: You talk a lot now. Couldn't say something when you were an inch deep in my mom, shithead?!

Buster walks over to the wall and picks up a tube-shaped fluorescent light bulb leaning against it. He runs at Arthur and swings, shattering the light against Arthur's back. Arthur screams as pieces of glass are embedded into his back, allowing steady tributaries of blood to drip to pool beneath his feet.

Buster: Huh, shithead?! Was she good?! Was she worth it?! TELL ME!

Another light bulb, and another set of screams. Arthur sees through blurred vision the white outlines of several long light bulbs against the wall. Buster could keep this up for a while if he wanted.

Buster: You know, it's not really that you did her that annoys me. It's that you come to my house, my place of residence, and say it like I should fucking pity you. What do you think I am, shithead, some kinda punk?! DO YA?!

Smash. Shatter. Scream. Arthur pants hard.

Arthur: Buster....please...no more...

Buster: That only makes me wanna hit you more, you idiot!

Another smash and shatter followed by a scream. Arthur starts full-out crying.

Arthur: Owww...Mommy...Mommy, help...

Buster: Why do you want your mommy? SO YOU CAN FUCK HER, TOO?!

Smash. Shatter. Scream.

Arthur hangs limply, weeping softly to himself. The door to the torture room opens and in walks Francine Frensky.

Buster: Francine, did you get everything ready?

Francine: Yup. Got their favorite music, favorite food, favorite restaurant, the date's all set.

Buster smiles and turns to Arthur. Grabs his head.

Buster: You hear that, dickface? Do you know what Francine's gonna do?

Arthurs continues weeping.

Buster: Since you love screwing my parents so much, I'm gonna have Francine screw yours.

Arthur looks up.

Arthur: No...not my dad...stay away from him...

Buster: Don't worry, nobody's going near your dad. See, Francine's not gonna fuck your dad, she's gonna fuck your mom.

Arthur's eyes go wide. Buster does a demonic laugh and motions for Francine to go. She nods and exits.

Arthur: What? No...that'll never work...

Buster: Francine's good, don't underestimate her. What's wrong, Arty boy? Do you feel...helpless? Betrayed? Angry? Like the little bitch you are?

Buster lands a perfect backhand bitch-slap across Arthur's cheek, causing him to spit out blood.

Buster: Well, you should. 'Cause when Francine beds your mom and you know how it feels to get screwed by your best friend I'm gonna laugh my ass off. Actually, you're mom's the real one getting screwed, don'tcha think?

Buster laughs and walks towards the exit. As a final thought, he whips around and plants a Gestapo boot deep in Arthur's groin. Arthur let's out his loudest scream but is powerlessly unable to massage the affected area. Buster laughs and walks out, throwing up his finger behind his back.

***

A fancy restaurant. Silk draped on the tables and tastefully over the windows. An orgy of money that extends to silverware made of actual silver. It's through this restaurant that Francine leads Arthur Read's mother.

Mrs. Read: So why did your dad want to meet me, Francine? I'm kind of busy.

Francine: He said it was pretty urgent. Since you're an accountant he wanted to consult with you about the financial advantages of using eco-friendly garbage trucks. Or so he said.

Mrs. Read: Hmm, that does sound important. I guess I can cancel my meeting to help out a friend.

They arrive at the table. Francine pulls out Mrs. Read's chair for her and graciously motions for her to take a seat.

Mrs. Read: Oh, thank you, Francine. I didn't think any kids these days had such good manners.

She takes her seat and Francine crosses around to sit across from her. A waiter brings over a bottle of wine and pours some for Mrs. Read.

Mrs. Read: Oh, no. I shouldn't drink around a child. It wouldn't be a good example.

Francine: Don't worry, Mrs. Read. They teach us all about that at school. I'm off drugs and alcohol for life.

Mrs. Read: Well, if you're certain. Where is your father?

Francine: He said he'd be running late. That's why he told me to stay with you so you wouldn't leave before he got here.

Mrs. Read: Alright. Guess I could have some wine to calm my nerves while we wait. Such a stressful day it's been...

Francine: You can tell me all about it. I'm a great listener.

The waiter pours Mrs. Read a glass of wine. She thanks him and takes a sip.

Mrs. Read: Really? Well, the office is choatic. New management and all. Can't even find an ink cartridge for the printer and fax. Lost me three deals today.

Francine nods and listens. Mrs. Read continues to sip wine.

***

Back in the torture room, Arthur breathes hard, hanging limply.

Arthur: *thinking* I've got to get out of here somehow...he really beat the shit out of me though...I can barely move. And this rope isn't helping.

Arthur looks up and sees that the rope is tied around a pipe that's hanging at an odd angle.

Arthur: *thinking* Hmm...if I pull this way...

He pulls to the left and the pipe comes loose with a metallic clang. He crumples to the floor but manages to catch the pipe before it strikes the floor and makes more noise. Arduously pulling himself up he looks at the pipe.

Arthur: Should make a good weapon.

He walks to the door and inches it open just a crack. Peers out into the hall.

Arthur: Hmm...coast is clear for now. Better hurry, Mom's probably already with Francine by now.

Arthur bolts out of the room butt naked. Apparently it was a storage shed behind Lakewood Elementary School. He runs past the playground, where a couple kids see him all beat up and his crotch bleeding from Buster's kick.

Kid: Damn...I want some of the ass THAT guy got.

Arthur: I need to get some clothes. I'll get nowhere like this.

He sees Mr. Ratburn walking towards the entrance of the school, books in hand.

Arthur: That's a nice suit...tweed, huh? My favorite.

Arthur follows Ratburn into the school. It's recess, so there are no students around. Arthur quietly stalks Ratburn, watching, pipe held ready. Ratburn makes a left and enters his classroom.

Arthur looks into the classroom and sees Ratburn putting the books onto a shelf near his desk, back turned. Vulnerable, waiting to be hunted. Cannibalistic, Arthur growls and runs into the room with the pipe raised above his head. Ratburn turns at the sound of the growl.

Ratburn: Arthur? Dear God, where are your clothes!?

Some pretty shitty last words for Ratburn, eh? Arthur slams the pipe down between Ratburn's eyes. Ratburn screams, staggers back with his face in hand. Arthur raises the pole once again and swings it down full force to meet the back of Ratburn's head. With a metal thud Ratburn falls to the floor. But he'd not dead yet.

Arthur: Gimme your clothes, mother --

Ratburn grabs Arthur's ankles. Pulls and causes Arthur to fall flat on his back, the pole flying out from his grasp and landing a few yards away. Ratburn clutches his head and staggers up to his feet, walks shakily towards the door. Arthur coughs, wind knocked out of him, but he pulls himself up and runs to Ratburn's desk. Opening the first drawer, he finds a confiscated yo-yo.

Arthur: Remember this, Ratburn!?

Arthur catches up to Ratburn and loops the yo-yo around his neck. Pulls the string taut, Ratburn gagging and coughing.

Arthur: You confiscated this yo-yo from me...I wasn't even playing with it. It just fell out of my bookbag and you had to be a giant WANG about it and take it from me. And whose side do you think my parents took when I told them about it: the kid or the teacher? Huh, Ratburn!?

Arthur keeps the string tight until Ratburn stops kicking. His arms fall down by his sides. Head rolls around limply on his neck. Arthur lets him drop.

Arthur: Looks like I took two things from you today Ratburn: my yo-yo and your pathetic, sex-depraved life.

Arthur proceeds to remove Ratburn's clothes and put them on. In the pocket he finds a twenty dollar bill and a coupon for a free milkshake at the Sugar Bowl.

Arthur: I'm gonna snack on your pain, bitch.

He drags Ratburn's body and hides it under his desk. Pockets his yo-yo and strolls casually out into the hall.

Arthur: Okay...now to go help my mom before that slut Francine gives her the clap.

Back at the restaurant, it's getting close to closing time and Mrs. Read is flat-out tanked on wine. She slumps over the table with a drunken half-smile, top two buttons of her blouse unbuttoned. A hint of a white lace bra is visible.

Mrs. Read: I always tell Dave, "The Kama Sutra was written ages ago...in like 1987 or something...80s sex isn't like today sex...but he just doesn't like going in the back door...you know what I mean?

Francine: Yeah, yeah I do, Mrs. Read. And let me say...I'm a HUGE fan of the back door.

Mrs. Read throws her head back and laughs. Keeps her head back.

Mrs. Read: Wow...what a captivating ceiling...

Francine: Oh yeah, she's wasted. Time for the kill...

Mrs. Read brings her head back down and notices that her wineglass is empty. She turns it upside down, scrounging out the last few drops.

Francine: Mrs. Read, could you come to the bathroom with me?

Mrs. Read: What...why?

Francine: That's how we do it in school. We always take a buddy so we come back okay. You wouldn't want the legal troubles that come from me getting kidnapped here, would you? While you were supposed to be watching me?

Mrs. Read: No, guess not. Alright, lead the way. I've got to take a MONSTER piss after all that wine anyway...

Francine leads Mrs. Read to the women's bathroom. Enters one stall as Mrs. Read enters another. Francine reaches into her pocket and removes a small two-way radio.

Francine: *whispering* Buster, do you read me?

Buster: *over radio* Yeah, Francine, go ahead. What's the situation?

Francine: I've got her loaded and we're in the bathroom. I'm about to make my move. Make sure you keep Arthur away from this place.

Buster: No problem. I beat the shit out of him pretty bad. I'll be suprised if he can walk, let alone take down Mr. Ratburn and steal one of his ugly-ass tweed suits.

Francine: Nobody would steal those. I saw him do a solo on his "flute" in that suit once. And it's the only one he ever wears.

Buster: Ugh. Mental picture. Just get going, the restaurant closes in 30 minutes.

Francine pockets the radio and peers under the divider of the stall. Mrs. Read sits with her pants and panties around her ankles.

Mrs. Read: Oh, man, I was holding back a gallon or two easy...

Francine inches down and crawls under the stall divider into Mrs. Read's stall. Mrs. Read is sitting with her head back and eyes closed. She's since stopped urinating.

Francine: My God...it's okay. I am a professional. I can do this.

Francine goes for it. Mrs. Read's heads bolts up.

Mrs. Read: My God, Francine! What are you doing?!

Francine looks up.

Mrs. Read: Lower.

Francine shakes her head and resumes.

Mrs. Read: Oh yeah...eat it, Dave! An 8-year-old gives it better than you do!

***

Arthur runs down the street in Elwood City. The sun is starting to set.

Arthur: No use. The restaurant's across town. I won't make it just by running. I'm gonna need a ride...

Arthur spots a limousine coming down the road.

Arthur: That's gotta be Muffy. Nobody else with that much money lives in a town this shitty.

Arthur runs into the middle of the street. Motions for the limo to stop. Once it does he runs around to the side where a window rolls open. Muffy peers out and sees who it is.

Muffy: Ohh...hello, Arthur.

She blushes.

Arthur: Muffy, I need a ride. Do you think you could drop me off at that really expensive restaurant across town?

Muffy: Oh, you want to eat? I wouldn't mind eating with you, you know. So you don't have to eat alone. It's never as fun to eat alone.

Arthur: Cut the innuendo, my mom's in trouble. She's over there right now. Look, I'll explain it all later, but right now I really need a ride over there.

Muffy: Sure, Arthur. Anything for you. We'll talk on the way over, get in. *to her driver* Bailey, to the expensive restaurant across town. Hurry.

Arthur climbs in and shuts the door as the limo starts up again. Muffy scoots closer to Arthur on the seat. Puts her hand over Arthur's. Arthur pulls away.

Arthur: What're you doing?

Muffy: Whoops. My hand must've slipped.

Arthur sits uneasily, looking out of the window. Muffy scoots closer.

Muffy: Arthur, you never call.

Arthur: Well, calling my ex-girlfriends isn't really at the top of my to-do list.

Muffy: Arthur, you've changed.

Arthur: Maybe that's why we broke up.

Muffy: No, we broke up because I got pregnant and you didn't want to commit.

Arthur: Let it go. It was years ago, and that kid's with a good foster family now.

Muffy: But I still love you!

Arthur: Oh, not this shit again.

Muffy: You were my first!

Arthur: Big deal. You weren't mine.

Muffy: Don't you love me?

Arthur: No, that's the point I've been trying to make for 3 fucking years!

Muffy: *eyes filling with tears* Don't you love me at all!?

Arthur: Are you deaf, bitch!? That's what I've been saying for 3 FUCKING YEARS! Jesus, get off my damn back!

Muffy: Well maybe if YOU'D done that I would've never gotten pregnant!

Arthur: IF YOU DON'T WANNA GET FUCKING PREGNANT THEN KEEP YOUR FUCKING LEGS CLOSED! IT'S NOT ROCKET SURGERY, YOU DUMB HO!

Muffy: Bailey, stop the car. Arthur's getting off here.

Arthur: You should be glad. This is the first time you've made me get off in 3 years.

A few minutes later, Arthur stands on the sidewalk as the limo pulls away.

Arthur: shit, I should've sucked it up so I could've at least gotten a ride out of her. Gotta find some other way...

***

Back at the restaurant, Mrs. Read is exposed and Francine is going at her.

Mrs. Read: Oh yeah. Do that whirlybird thing again...

The door to the bathroom creaks open and a voice calls out.

Employee: Excuse me? Are the two girls I saw go in still here? Just to let you know, the restaurant is closing in five minutes. Please hurry, everyone has to be off the premises by closing time.

Francine looks up at Mrs. Read. Mrs. Read mouths a word. Francine smiles.

The word she mouths is, "Threesome."

Employee: Hello? Are you two here?

Mrs. Read: Yes, we're here. But could you help me? I seem to have dropped my wedding ring around here and I can't find it.

Employee: Hm? Wedding ring? Where did you drop it?

The employee begins to walk toward the stall. Francine stands, slowly unlocks the stall door.

Mrs. Read: It was right outside. Near the sink.

The employee is confused but bends to look under the sink. In a flash, Francine pulls open the stall door and yanks the employee by his belt. She turns him around and pushes him to the floor as they begin to make out.

Employee: What the....mmm, oh yeah...jailbait for the win...

Mrs. Read comes up behind, fully nude now, and reaches under Francine towards the employee's crotch.

Employee: Whoa! Who else is down there!?

NOTE: At this point some explicit sexual activity occurs, so I will substitute in a metaphor. Use your imagination.

Mrs. Read gets to the bottom of the ice cream snowman and begins to lick it.

Mrs. Read: Ice cream is amazing!

Francine continues to eat at the head of the snowman. Mrs. Read takes a popsicle from the ice cream snowman's body and begins to suck it. Popsicles are a great treat and fun to eat in the summertime!

Mrs. Read: Mmm, delicious! I love popsicles! All different flavors, from chocolate to vanilla!

The ice cream snowman has a VERY happy look on his face. He can't speak. Of course, this is because he is a snowman.

NOTE: Return to scenario.

Mrs. Read and Francine stand up, leaving the employee frozen on the floor with a permanent smile. Mrs. Read puts her clothes back on and adjusts herself in the mirror.

Mrs. Read: I've picked up a few new moves, Francine. I haven't come like that in years.

Francine: No problem, Mrs. Read. It was my pleasure.

They both walk out of the bathroom, leaving the employee on the floor.

It's night time now. Arthur knows the restaurant is closed, and either his mother got away or was sexed up by a disease-infested slut.

Arthur: I guess it's best just to get home. Damn it, if only Muffy weren't such a bitch.

Arthur begins to walk home. Halfway there, he runs into Binky and his bully friends.

Binky: Oh, hey, Arthur. What's up? You look pissed at something.

Arthur: Francine most likely just had sex with my mom.

Binky: That's pretty hot.

Arthur: Now I know how Buster feels...which was the real point of his plan all along. But dammit, I just hate for him to win. He did this to my mom on purpose. I only did his mom because she came onto ME.

Binky: Really? You did his mom? No fucking way!

Bully 1: Yeah, I've been trying to tap that for years.

Arthur: She caught me looking at her rack and it just went from there.

Bully 1: I've looked at a bunch of racks. I never get any.

Binky: Damn. So Buster sent Francine to do your mom to get back at you for doing his mom?

Arthur: Pretty much, yeah. I was trying to get to the restaurant where they were and stop them but it's too late.

Binky: Well, there's only one thing left to do then. Beat down Buster's punk ass.

Arthur: I would like to, but I'm not up to it right now. I'm just gonna go home and get some sleep.

Binky: If you say so, man. But whenever you decide to get back at him you come get us.

Arthur: I will, thanks.

Arthur arrives home and looks for his mom. He only finds his dad watching TV.

Arthur: Dad, has mom come home yet?

Mr. Read: No. She's probably still out discussing economical garbage trucks with Mr. Frensky.

Arthur: Uh...huh.

Arthur climbs upstairs and heads to his room. D.W. stands in her doorway, hands on hips.

D.W.: There you are, Arthur! What were you doing out so late!? Do I have to tell Dad!?

Arthur: D.W., just hurry up and change your name to 'Butch' so we can all rest. Jesus.

Arthur slams his door. He climbs into bed and goes to sleep. The next morning he comes downstairs for breakfast, his mom still nowhere in sight. His dad is on the phone asking of her whereabouts. Arthur sits down with his oatmeal and glances at the newspaper.

He spits his oatmeal out all over the floor and Pal comes up and eats it. His eyes are fixed on the newspaper's headline: "LAKEWOOD ELEMENTARY TEACHER FOUND DEAD BY STRANGULATION". He continues to read, getting to a line that says, "There was plenty of DNA evidence, from fingerprints to blood and other bodily fluids found on the corpse. The DNA is currently being analyzed and a list of suspects is being drawn up."

Arthur: Son of a...

He drops his oatmeal and runs outside.

Arthur runs hard, one person in mind who can help him. Somebody with brains. Shit, I gave it away. It's Brain. Anyway, he runs to Brain's house. It's only a matter of time before they trace that DNA to him, Arthur Read, and arrest him for Mr. Ratburn's murder. Arthur reaches Brain's house and knocks furiously. Brain opens the door.

Brain: Hey, Arthur, what's the rush?

Arthur: Brain, I'm coming here because you're the only smart person I know. Plus you didn't rat me out all those times we did weed together back in second grade.

Brain: Some good times there.

Arthur: Can I come in? I'll explain everything, but the cops might see me out here.

Brain: Cops? Get in, you better explain this.

Arthur and Brain go up to Brain's room. Brain sits at his chair while Arthur paces and explains the story so far. After he finishes explaining, Brain sits for a while and thinks.

Brain: Hmm, so you're coming to me because you need some way to make it look like you didn't kill Ratburn. And judging by how you ended up here I'm guessing you want to put the blame on Buster.

Arthur: Yeah, pretty much.

Brain: Well, with that much DNA evidence on you, it's pretty damn hard. It looks like blaming it on Buster is a technical impossibility since they already have the body and you can't plant any evidence. But I have an idea...

Arthur: Run?

Brain: I know this police force like the back of my hand. When we used to get high together, I researched the entire police department to learn shifts, tactics, patrol routes, equipment, even the education and personalities of each officer.

Arthur: Pretty thorough.

Brain: How do you think we never got caught?

Arthur: What're you trying to say though?

Brain: The chief of police in this town is corrupt as fuck. He'll let prostitutes off if they blow him right. And bank robbers if they do the same.

Arthur: You want me to blow him?

Brain: Well, no, I was saying he's corrupt. He'll take bribes. So you just get some money to pay him off and he's your best friend.

Arthur: Money? I've got a twenty that I jacked from Ratburn when I killed him.

Brain: That won't do...I think you'll need to talk to Muffy.

Arthur: That bitch? Hell no, Brain. You know our history.

Brain: It's either that or jail.

Arthur: When you put it that way jail doesn't sound so bad...

Brain: Arthur!

Arthur: What was the idea you had before, about seducing him? I'll do that.

Brain: So rather than just talk to Muffy and patch things up you'll go and blow a fifty year old guy?

Arthur: Hey, you are smart.

Brain: He's straight, though. He won't take head from a dude.

Arthur: That's why I've got to disguise myself as a woman. You ever played Final Fantasy VII?

Brain: No.

Arthur: Good, then let me handle this.

Arthur gets and starts to leave. Brain tells him to stop but Arthur ignores him and walks out. Brain sighs.

Brain: What a dumbass.

***

Arthur walks around downtown Elwood City, looking for places he can buy womanly garments for under 20 bucks. He spots a gym, and remembering his FFVII experience, he goes in. Inside he finds two body builders doing squats. One randomly runs over.

Bodybuilder: MAN I LOVE DOING SQUATS I CHALLENGE YOU YOU WIN YOU GET SOMETHIN NICE!

Arthur: Shit, man, let's go!

The start doing squats. Arthur, even though he's never seriously worked out a single day in his pathetic 8-year-old life, manages to do more squats than a bodybuilder who can bench 250 and has been working out for about five years. No, I'm not bashing FFVII or anything. It's not like that when I played this I fully expected to get my ass kicked and instead wound up beating this guy. That didn't make me go WTF at all. True.

Anyway, Arthur kicks his ass 300 to 25 and gets a very nice wig for free. He puts it on and runs out to downtown Elwood City to find more womanly garments.

He comes upon a simple used clothing store. This might've made more sense than the gym, but who cares? He goes in and starts looking around on the racks, eventually finding a nice blue-sequined dress. He goes into the fitting room and combines it with his wig, studies himself in the mirror appreciatively.

Arthur: Hmm...no, this isn't working just yet. I need some make-up.

He checks the pricetage on the dress: $25.

Arthur: Dammit. Can't afford this.

He peeks out of the fitting room at the only cashier working, who's reading a magazine at the counter. Arthur slips out of the fitting room and crouches, makes his way slowly behind the counter and approaches the cashier from behind.

He comes out two minutes later donning the dress and wig, doing what he thinks is a "sexy stroll" and giving the infamous gun finger to passing guys, working his charm. It doesn't work.

Arthur: You wait 'til I get my make-up...

On the display window of the used clothing store is a giant splash of blood.

Lmao goddam it

arthur?! Arthur?! AARRRRRRRRRTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

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"Arthur: No...not my dad...stay away from him..."

LMAO XXDDDD!!!

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ArvTheGreat posted...

arthur?! Arthur?! AARRRRRRRRRTHURRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR

he died

golden seal of PoTd Approval!

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