Current Events > Having an "argument" with a girl I know, am I in the wrong here?

(+) Yeah! (+)

I'm gonna give a tl;dr:

Never replies back to texts, claims to be busy. I'm not talking replying back a whole day later or something, I'm talking never replying back until you send a refresher text. And even then, she'll just answer that refresher text and never any of the backlog texts. It's super frustrating.

I was able to let this go in the past, but that was until she got a Twitter.

Now I see she has no time to reply back to me, but time to tweet like crazy from that same phone to total strangers.

I never brought it up before because the one time I brought it up, she got super offended and defensive and we didn't talk for a while after that. But now, I'm calling her on it because I'm okay with severing the friendship. It sucks because she's one of my oldest friends, but it feels like I'm talking to a wall. And we never meet up IRL since we're not near each other so texting/social media is all there is.

But with how adamant she is about it, I feel like I'm being gaslighted. Am I in the wrong? Is it okay to not reply back? I always felt she was reasonable, but with how adamant she is about it being okay to flake on texts, I'm actually questioning my stance.
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In any interpersonal relationship, the one with the power is the one that cares less
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Sorry TC but you've lost. Whatever happened between you two is over. She don't care.
*this happened to me too, let her go
Just being honest.
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Tbh if you're fine with severing the friendship, dont do anything. Just stop contacting her altogether.
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nothing wrong with ending a relationship/friendship when the other party isn't putting in effort. stick to your guns.
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AlisLandale posted...

Tbh if you're fine with severing the friendship, dont do anything. Just stop contacting her altogether.

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Vulgorn posted...

AlisLandale posted...

Tbh if you're fine with severing the friendship, dont do anything. Just stop contacting her altogether.

I wanted to give her a chance to fix things.

I've had disagreements with other people where I was wrong, and I didn't even realize how I was in the wrong until they brought up where they were coming from. I figured I'd give her that same chance.

I haven't heard from her yet but if she's adamant on it, I'm just gonna delete her and never speak to her again. It feels like a waste but it is what it is.

teepan95 posted...

In any interpersonal relationship, the one with the power is the one that cares less

bulletproofvita posted...

Sorry TC but you've lost. Whatever happened between you two is over. She don't care.
*this happened to me too, let her go
Just being honest.

KILBOTz posted...

nothing wrong with ending a relationship/friendship when the other party isn't putting in effort. stick to your guns.

It still sucks though, especially when you don't have too many people around anymore.
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argument with a girl

am I in the wr---

Yes.

But seriously, folks.

It's a shame if she doesn't want to contribute to the friendship, but at some point you have to come to terms with the fact that you've grown apart. The fact that you two don't meet in real life underlines that it's entirely possible that she's moved on to real world interactions.
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When arguing with women it doesn't matter how right you are or not, you're always in the wrong.
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Rockeign posted...

Now I see she has no time to reply back to me, but time to tweet like crazy from that same phone to total strangers.

sounds like more than "just friends" if this upsets you.

If I send a friend a text and he doesn't reply I don't care. I do the same. Not a big deal.
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You're in the wrong. You've turned talking with you into an obligation, and things stop being fun once they start being an obligation.
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Sounds like she's just not into the friendship anymore.

she don't give a crap about you anymore. move on.
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Sounds like she found a guy shes serious with and is distancing herself from all male friends.
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Did you know that when a text message is too big on iPhone, it gives a little > arrow that expands and takes up the whole screen?

I found that out just now.

Jesus Christ that is a lot of words, Ive never seen so much passive aggression in life. She is clearly pissed and suddenly despite being so busy, has time to write me a 12 page essay on why Im asking too much and how much she doesnt give a fuck about this.

Yeeeaaah, Im not replying to that. This shit is super over CE.
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Maybe you shouldn't have been a clingy, needy person to someone you're not even dating, and has shown no interest in you.

Fair next.
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Never go 3D
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Your calling her out was wrong. When you noticed that she was no longer replying to your messages, you should have sought out friendship elsewhere. You cant make someone be your friend, and you shouldnt want to do so. You should have just stopped contacting her.
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By the sounds of it, she just isn't interested in maintaining that friendship with you.

You aren't necessarily in the wrong but it's clear she doesn't care so you should stop caring as well.

It sucks but it's life.

You are better off moving on and no longer engaging her in conversation.
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Asherlee10 posted...

Rockeign posted...

Did you know that when a text message is too big on iPhone, it gives a little > arrow that expands and takes up the whole screen?

I found that out just now.

Jesus Christ that is a lot of words, Ive never seen so much passive aggression in life. She is clearly pissed and suddenly despite being so busy, has time to write me a 12 page essay on why Im asking too much and how much she doesnt give a fuck about this.

Yeeeaaah, Im not replying to that. This shit is super over CE.

I went through this exact situation where I was her and the other person was an online 'friend' who got way too clingy and needy. She doesn't answer your texts because she doesn't want to engage you that much and probably doesn't want to at all at this point.

She wrote you an essay just now because she's tired of it and you probably pushed her to the limit so she let it all out.

Yeah but it's still bloody rude, and they know they are rude. Instead of being honest and explaining her feelings and if she has someone else, it turns into this aweful essay... Probably saying how much of and ass you are and how much she doesn't need you in her life. It's a good way they can not feel guilty about getting close to someone else behind your back....
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I mean you have to ask yourself what you're truly getting out of this friendship. Sounds like a lot of stress and hassle just to maintain a simple casual conversation through written messages that shouldn't be that hard to respond to.

So. What are you hoping to get from this?
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Hexenherz posted...

I mean you have to ask yourself what you're truly getting out of this friendship. Sounds like a lot of stress and hassle just to maintain a simple casual conversation through written messages that shouldn't be that hard to respond to.

So. What are you hoping to get from this?

I was just hoping to have someone to talk to about cool shit, share cool shit that happens to me and hear about the cool shit that happens to her like we used to do before. Plus we play the same games so we can vibe out on those too (Overwatch, PUBG).

But either way, thats not gonna happen again. Now Im torn between just deleting her contact info and calling it a day, or sending a sarcastic one sentence reply. Only reason I havent done the latter is because nothing comes to mind.
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That is literally every girl ever.
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Sending a sarcastic one sentence reply is going to vindicate her not responding to you all this time and it'll just be awkward.

There are plenty of people out there that you can talk to and share cool shit with man, you don't need this one girl.
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TC, she obviously doesn't really give a shit about talking to you. I mean, you do sound kind of needy from this topic, so maybe she doesn't always have the energy for that. If all you guys are doing is shooting the shit and making small talk anyway, I don't see why you got so worked up.
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Now she's on Twitter writing subliminal tweets about me, but wording them fancy, like poems.

I honestly didn't think it'd go this far. ._.`
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what the hell is a refresher text
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Sorry dude she's turning nasty
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Rockeign posted...

Did you know that when a text message is too big on iPhone, it gives a little > arrow that expands and takes up the whole screen?

I found that out just now.

Jesus Christ that is a lot of words, Ive never seen so much passive aggression in life. She is clearly pissed and suddenly despite being so busy, has time to write me a 12 page essay on why Im asking too much and how much she doesnt give a fuck about this.

Yeeeaaah, Im not replying to that. This shit is super over CE.

Cmon man. Youre definitely in the wrong here. Youre needy as hell.

Regardless, if she doesnt reply, cut the bitch off. Why force something that isnt there
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Talking to random people on a place like Twitter is not necessarily the same as talking to a friend in a 1 to 1 more personal level.

I've not talked to people in a direct personal manner like that for days despite, say, posting on GameFAQs because I just wasn't in a good mental state or had the energy for more serious or just...focused conversing. Talking out in sort of public, to just nobody in particular is just easier.

So maybe it's that. But then again, I tend to actually explain this to people I'm being unresponsive to. If she hasn't, then maybe it's not that. Or maybe it is and she doesn't even really understand it, or how to put it into words.

But it is definitely a thing, that some people have issue with, where basically they don't have the energy/mental state right now to engage directly with a friend, and so they don't at first, but then the thing is, the more time that goes on, the more...agonising it can be to try and pop back up because it's like wtf where were you why didn't you respond earlier DO YOU HATE ME R ARE YOU AN ASSHOLE OR WHAT!?! so that can kinda put off engaging for even longer and then it's just this neverending cycle of procrastination, dread and anxiety.
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Rockeign posted...

Now she's on Twitter writing subliminal tweets about me, but wording them fancy, like poems.

I honestly didn't think it'd go this far. ._.`

Stepping away from what a weirdo TC is why do people do that? Is it passive aggressiveness? Why tweet about it? Validation? Venting? Everyone does this
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HeyPuff posted...

Rockeign posted...

Now she's on Twitter writing subliminal tweets about me, but wording them fancy, like poems.

I honestly didn't think it'd go this far. ._.`

Stepping away from what a weirdo TC is why do people do that? Is it passive aggressiveness? Why tweet about it? Validation? Venting? Everyone does this

Awww, way to be that guy.
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HeyPuff posted...

Rockeign posted...

Now she's on Twitter writing subliminal tweets about me, but wording them fancy, like poems.

I honestly didn't think it'd go this far. ._.`

Stepping away from what a weirdo TC is why do people do that? Is it passive aggressiveness? Why tweet about it? Validation? Venting? Everyone does this

I dont think TC has done anything wrong, he is just confused about the lack of communication.
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Rockeign posted...

I never brought it up before because the one time I brought it up, she got super offended and defensive

Because she can spend her time however she wants. If she isn't fulfilling your needs as a friend, then there is no point in continuing the friendship, but don't act like she owes you time.

Don't know why so many people ITT think it's perfectly okay to ghost someone on a consistent basis. Missing texts here and there is one thing but ghosting/ignoring someone constantly is most certainly not okay, TC's frustration is understandable.

Super Slash posted...

Don't know why so many people ITT think it's perfectly okay to ghost someone on a consistent basis. Missing texts here and there is one thing but ghosting/ignoring someone constantly is most certainly not okay, TC's frustration is understandable.

That's the world we live in now though. Everything is casual and meaningless. You no longer need to put in effort to maintain relationships, there are near limitless outlets for that. Just jump from one to the other with zero investment.

Comes down to the individual now to take a hint and realize that if someone is regularly not getting back to you they probably don't give a damn. Stop bothering with them, delete their contact info and move on.
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The thing is, it's possible for this to happen BECAUSE it's meaningful to them. >_>
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Forget her. If someone anyone guy,girl,or turtle don't want to talk to you, just move on. You deserve not to waste your time.
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cjsdowg posted...

Forget her. If someone anyone guy,girl,or turtle don't want to talk to you, just move on. You deserve not to waste your time.

Screw it just take this advice. Don't text her anymore
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This was CLEARLY more than a friendship to you. Some of your words make you seem like a dude who got friend zoned and is pissed.

Just saying.
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WrkHrdPlayHrdr posted...

This was CLEARLY more than a friendship to you. Some of your words make you seem like a dude who got friend zoned and is pissed.

Just saying.

yeh

I mean I go without hearing from my friends for sometimes months and we regularly don't text each other at all or don't text each other back for days/hours

if you really are like thsi with friends, I wouldn't be able to be your friend, either
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Rockeign posted...

I wanted to give her a chance to fix things.

Nope.
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