Poll of the Day > Pls help me understand men, he is so confusing

(+) Yeah! (+)

Okay so my crush, Dan, has been giving me some really mixed signals. Maybe you can help since most of you are guys, I dunno lol.

Okay so here's the backstory. We used to be really good friends. Then one day I was over at his place, hanging out. We got to tickling each other, then cuddling, then full blown making out and getting to second base.

After that, I sorta fell for him. But he didn't seem to feel the same. Ignored my texts and wouldn't even look at me irl (we work together so we see each other nearly every day). This really stung, and it made me pretty upset for a while because there was no explanation or closure. But recently I've been starting to get over him as he has no interest.

UNTIL NOW(?)

Dan has started texting me again out of the blue. We'll talk for hours, like we used to. But then when I see him in person, he's stone cold. He won't look at me. Any attempt to talk to him and he just nods his head and averts his eyes. But then he'll text me after work like we're best friends??

I thought I was over him, but this is reopening that wound because I really like him. A lot.

What is happening. Is there something I don't know about guys? Pls help

TDLR: Made out with a guy ftft, proceeded to ignore me for almost two months. Is now texting me but still stone cold in person
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Probably wants to hit it and quit it as they say!
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J_Dawg983 posted...

Probably wants to hit it and quit it as they say!

But he really doesn't seem like that kinda person >.>

Also of he wanted to get in my pants, wouldn't he try to swindle me in person? Not just over text?
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Harpie posted...

J_Dawg983 posted...

Probably wants to hit it and quit it as they say!

But he really doesn't seem like that kinda person >.>

Also of he wanted to get in my pants, wouldn't he try to swindle me in person? Not just over text?

Shy/awkward? I had a situation similar to this one and that was the reason it went no where.
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J_Dawg983 posted...

Harpie posted...

J_Dawg983 posted...

Probably wants to hit it and quit it as they say!

But he really doesn't seem like that kinda person >.>

Also of he wanted to get in my pants, wouldn't he try to swindle me in person? Not just over text?

Shy/awkward? I had a situation similar to this one and that was the reason it went no where.

He's very shy and introverted. He also has anxiety.. this would make sense if not for the fact that he used to go out of his way to talk to me
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Probably nervous to talk to you. Maybe he feels awkward about the whole thing. It could be because he likes you. Or, this isn't the best case scenario, but maybe he doesn't feel like that about you. But it seems it's getting better because of the texts. I said be blunt. Ask him why he keeps acting that way in person. If he's texting you, you'll mostly likely get the answer, good or bad. If you have to corner him at work and ask him, do it. You should never corner an animal, but he seems cornerable. Sometimes, you just have to be direct.
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Dan is a player, and you're a man-eater. Perfect couple, keep trying.

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Harpie posted...

TheDarkCircle posted...

won't look at you how? like gets nervous around you, or literally doesn't speak to you?

He doesn't get nervous. I think so, anyways. I could be reading him wrong, but it's almost as if he's annoyed with me. For example, he'll walk into the room, his eyes glaze over me and then make a point to ignore me. Or if he's walking past me he'll keep his eyes forward and not even give me a glance. Hasn't said a word to me in person in almost two months. Even if I try to talk to him :/

From CE
I don't think he's shy :/
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LinkPizza posted...

Probably nervous to talk to you. Maybe he feels awkward about the whole thing. It could be because he likes you. Or, this isn't the best case scenario, but maybe he doesn't feel like that about you. But it seems it's getting better because of the texts. I said be blunt. Ask him why he keeps acting that way in person. If he's texting you, you'll mostly likely get the answer, good or bad. If you have to corner him at work and ask him, do it. You should never corner an animal, but he seems cornerable. Sometimes, you just have to be direct.

I'll ask him next time he texts me. If he doesn't give me a straight answer or gets pissy at me for asking then I'll have to cut ties with him. I can't keep doing this, he keeps toying with me and inentional or not, it makes me feel worse each time

SunWuKung420 posted...

LOL
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have you let him see your bewbs?
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Smarkil posted...

have you let him see your bewbs?

No but he's felt them >.>
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what about your butthole
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DirtBasedSoap posted...

what about your butthole

lol
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How do you act around him at work? Are you being open and friendly with him or just passing him by and waiting for him to say something first? Because maybe he's thinking the same thing. Or maybe he's just busy with his job.

Or more likely, he's uncomfortable showing romantic feelings for you in the workplace. ESPECIALLY with all of the recent sexual harrasmant claims happening. He has a lot more to hypothetically lose if things are misconstrued, or if management catches wind.

Snuggletoof posted...

How do you act around him at work? Are you being open and friendly with him or just passing him by and waiting for him to say something first? Because maybe he's thinking the same thing. Or maybe he's just busy with his job.

I'm somewhat open and friendly. I try to smile at him, talk to him every once in a while. But he goes out of his way to ignore me. So I don't really try anymore, except for smiling at him. But he never looks at me so he doesn't see it.

Majority of our interactions are on break, so it's not that. He's also a stocker at a retail store lol
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Yeah. I would try talking to him. And if he ignores you or get mad about it, cut ties like you said. It's not fair to you. You're suppose to be friends.
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Either way, you really should talk to him about it. Obviously not at work, though.

nothing worse then having sex with someone who wants to also spend time with you, then you hate spending time with them, but their insides feel really good.

He's clearly messing with you by pretending disinterest while at the same time making deniable advances. He would probably panic if he thought you were dating someone else and pushing him away. Unless he's really a cool guy, then he'll want you to be happy with someone. He ignored you for two months. That's two months of his time waiting making you wonder and hoping you'll crack.

Maybe he is jealous with you talking with another guys.
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Sending you mixed signals is messing with you, feigning disinterest while making deniable advances. That behavior is meant to cause confusion. If he sees you as his property he'll probably panic if he thought you were dating someone else and pushing him away. Unless he's really a cool guy, then he'll want you to be happy with someone.

have you told him you're actually a man pretending to be a woman on the internet?
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Setsunahenry posted...

Maybe he is jealous with you talking with another guys.

Eh, I don't think so

HorrorJudasGoat posted...

Sending you mixed signals is messing with you, feigning disinterest while making deniable advances. That behavior is meant to cause confusion. If he sees you as his property he'll probably panic if he thought you were dating someone else and pushing him away. Unless he's really a cool guy, then he'll want you to be happy with someone.

I won't be dating anyone anytime soon. That's for sure :/

I don't think he'd be that manipulative though. Maybe he's not doing it on purpose. I dunno. Imma see if I can talk to him about it over text

Kimbos_Egg posted...

have you told him you're actually a man pretending to be a woman on the internet?

Not yet, when's a good time to break it to him?
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Seem like no idea for me.

Anyway, I have a crush but she has a boyfriend already. Should I give up?
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Setsunahenry posted...

Seem like no idea for me.

Anyway, I have a crush but she has a boyfriend already. Should I give up?

I think you should. Just tell yourself that there isn't a chance and that there's no point in obessing over it. It helped me a little
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Harpie posted...

Setsunahenry posted...

Seem like no idea for me.

Anyway, I have a crush but she has a boyfriend already. Should I give up?

I think you should. Just tell yourself that there isn't a chance and that there's no point in obessing over it. It helped me a little

Guess you're right. Thanks.
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Setsunahenry posted...

Harpie posted...

Setsunahenry posted...

Seem like no idea for me.

Anyway, I have a crush but she has a boyfriend already. Should I give up?

I think you should. Just tell yourself that there isn't a chance and that there's no point in obessing over it. It helped me a little

Guess you're right. Thanks.

Yeah, it sucks. And it's going to hurt for a long time. But it will get easier, I promise :)
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That guy sounds pretty dumb. I'm pretty shy and bad with girls, but if I was interested in a girl and she tried engaging me in person I wouldn't just ignore her. It especially doesn't make sense with him texting you. So yeah I don't know what his deal is

Guys are pretty simple.

Either this guy is a douche and was only looking for a one night stand, and is only showing interest to get another round.

OR

He likes you too, and just feels guilty about the other time because he'd rather take it slow.

I'd say just ask him directly. Communication is key. We could sit here for days talking hypothetical.
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IceDragon77 posted...

Guys are pretty simple.

Either this guy is a douche and was only looking for a one night stand, and is only showing interest to get another round.

OR

He likes you too, and just feels guilty about the other time because he'd rather take it slow.

I'd say just ask him directly. Communication is key. We could sit here for days talking hypothetical.

Yeah, I'll talk to him about it tonight. What should I even say though. Why don't you talk to me?? That just sounds clingy. I think I'm gonna open up with a few I can't sleep texts, then as we get talking imma ay something like "You wanna know something, Dan? I'm still into you. If you aren't the same then just let me know, so I can stop bugging you lol"

"lol" included for making it seem not so serious

or is that too cringe

i feel like i am overthinking this
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Snuggletoof posted...

Or more likely, he's uncomfortable showing romantic feelings for you in the workplace. ESPECIALLY with all of the recent sexual harrasmant claims happening.

This seems like a plausible explanation as well. He might be self-conscious about how it might appear since he knows he's attracted to you (if he's attracted to you), even though in reality he would probably end up interacting in a way that appears perfectly normal to everyone else.

I've sort of felt this myself with girls I like when I'm not sure whether they like me back. I try to follow the "just treat them like any other friend" school of thought, but I just end up feeling self-conscious and overthinking my interactions, knowing I have that attraction. I mean, it's not like being a platonic friend involves a checklist of things to do. Everyone is different and reacts differently to different things, so I'm always afraid of sending the wrong signals.

Just be more confident. Have you tried taking more showers and getting a haircut?
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Rockies posted...

Snuggletoof posted...

Or more likely, he's uncomfortable showing romantic feelings for you in the workplace. ESPECIALLY with all of the recent sexual harrasmant claims happening.

This seems like a plausible explanation as well. He might be self-conscious about how it might appear since he knows he's attracted to you (if he's attracted to you), even though in reality he would probably end up interacting in a way that appears perfectly normal to everyone else.

I've sort of felt this myself with girls I like when I'm not sure whether they like me back. I try to follow the "just treat them like any other friend" school of thought, but I just end up feeling self-conscious and overthinking my interactions, knowing I have that attraction. I mean, it's not like being a platonic friend involves a checklist of things to do. Everyone is different and reacts differently to different things, so I'm always afraid of sending the wrong signals.

I would maybe think this too if not for the fact that he used to be pretty outgoing with me before. Like I said, we actually used to be friends. We know each other fairly well. He wouldn't be shy around me because he was comfortable around me beforehand

And then we rolled around together in bed. Things havent been the same since
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joemodda posted...

Just be more confident. Have you tried taking more showers and getting a haircut?

wat
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What do you say to him when you see him at work? Are you just saying "Hi"? Because it's pretty normal for people to give seemingly cold reactions to that at work. You might need to say a little more, even if it's just "How are you?", or when you say "Hey Dan" do it in that tone that suggests you're getting his attention to say more, not just saying hi.

And how often does he text you? It might be better to wait for him to text first, unless you can't handle it. I don't know about your plan, telling him straight up that you like him might sound a little desperate and just make things even more awkward at work. Maybe try to lead him into a conversation that involves you guys hanging out outside of work? Even if it's just to steer him into going to lunch if you have a common lunch break, I don't know

Rockies posted...

What do you say to him when you see him at work? Are you just saying "Hi"? Because it's pretty normal for people to give seemingly cold reactions to that at work. You might need to say a little more, even if it's just "How are you?", or when you say "Hey Dan" do it in that tone that suggests you're getting his attention, not just saying hi.

And how often does he text you? It might be better to wait for him to text first, unless you can't handle it. I don't know about your plan, telling him straight up that you like him might sound a little desperate and just make things even more awkward at work. Maybe try to lead him into a conversation that involves you guys hanging out outside of work? Even if it's just to steer him into going to lunch if you have a common lunch break, I don't know

The most I've gotten out of him was a "hi" back. I've said all kinds of things to him. "Hey, What's up", etc.. Most of the time I try to make a stupid joke, anything to make him smile or give me some kind of reaction other than a blank face. But nothing. He literally goes out of his way to avoid and ignore me. That's why I rarely engage him anymore. I know he doesn't want to talk to me.

He only started texted me a few days ago, but it's been every night, around 12-1am ish. That's when he gets off work though, so don't assume things about the time >.>

Yeah, you're right. Maybe I should ask him if he wants to see Star Wars with me or something? Or is that too much for someone who's giving me clear signals that he's not into me
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It's also possible that he knows you like him, but he just wants to be friends or doesn't want to be so rude as to totally cut you off. I've been on both sides of that scenario and it sucks. In my experience, it ends up with a lot of scattered and inconsistent communication. There's seemingly little rhyme or reason to it, so you'd just drive yourself crazy trying to make something out of each good and bad signal. I think that generally if somebody (male or female) is interested, they'll send more clear positive signals, so you might have to give up on this guy :/

Rockies posted...

It's also possible that he knows you like him, but he just wants to be friends or doesn't want to be so rude as to totally cut you off. I've been on both sides of that scenario and it sucks. In my experience, it ends up with a lot of scattered and inconsistent communication. There's seemingly little rhyme or reason to it, so you'd just drive yourself crazy trying to make something out of each good and bad signal. I think that generally if somebody (male or female) is interested, they'll send more clear positive signals, so you might have to give up on this guy :/

Guess Rockies is right. Give up on this guy.
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Rockies posted...

It's also possible that he knows you like him, but he just wants to be friends or doesn't want to be so rude as to totally cut you off. I've been on both sides of that scenario and it sucks. In my experience, it ends up with a lot of scattered and inconsistent communication. There's seemingly little rhyme or reason to it, so you'd just drive yourself crazy trying to make something out of each good and bad signal. I think that generally if somebody (male or female) is interested, they'll send more clear positive signals, so you might have to give up on this guy :/

Yeah, it's pretty confusing. Do you think that there's anything I could or should do? Or should I just let it go

Thanks fam
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Yer strictly in the friend zone, don't ruin it.. And don't bang ppl you work with, no matter how bullshit the job
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Its clear this Dan guy is no good, date a nice boy like icoyar. Hes potd famous, girls always love celebrities.
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He's embarrassed of you in public and wants to use you as a side hoe

Is there another gurl at work he talks to?
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Yeah, Rockies is hitting the nail on the head. That's why he's more than one Rocky, I guess.

In my experience, this situation sounds like he may have had a passing crush on you that perhaps returned but will inevitable go again. One of my friends referred to people like this as "two-weekers" - basically just a lot of emotion that wears itself out and disappears because it's not based on anything substantial. The problem with a crush is that it's unpredictable in all ways except that it will fade nearly every time.

It sounds like he doesn't know what he wants, emotionally or otherwise, but if there was something real, he wouldn't be doing this. I don't think it's some cold and calculated attempt to use you, he's probably just immature and inexperienced and isn't great with women. When I was in high school, I was sort of like that, and there was never any malice in it, I just fell for girls super easily and was clueless. Once I grew up a bit, I reflected back on how stupid I was and felt kind of guilty about some of it, even though I never wanted to hurt anybody.

My advice: write off co-workers and don't overthink it when a guy is weird, if they seem honest otherwise. They probably don't know what they're doing half the time either (depending on the person, of course - you can usually tell if somebody's a jerk/player or if they're just lacking in panty-dropping skills, but if it's unclear, ask other people that know them).

To put it further into perspective (as based on what you've said about this guy, I feel I relate a little bit), around the time I was 18-19, girls seemingly had the notion that I was way more seasoned than I was. This led to a ton of mixed signals being sent, with the king blunder being me accidentally blowing off what was very obviously multiple chances at a threesome with a couple girls I knew who were BFFs (I legitimately was very into one of them and liked the other a lot non-romantically). I had anxiety problems and was by no means a ladies' man, however; I just looked good enough that girls made assumptions that I was DTF. It's agonizing to think back on it now, it reminds me of the final scene in Dumb & Dumber when they let the tour bus of bikini girls go on without them...

Ultimately, he needs to get himself sorted before he can be any good as a serious boyfriend. My problem wasn't a lack of opportunity, but an inability to properly seize the ones that presented themselves. And his issues are not your problem to solve given the evidence... if his anxiety or introversion were the reason he got all weird, you'd never have made out in the first place. He doesn't sound ready to me or is simply unstable, which is a bad starting-off point.
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Harpie posted...

He's very shy and introverted. He also has anxiety.. this would make sense if not for the fact that he used to go out of his way to talk to me

Yeah, when he thought you were just friends. There isn't any pressure for friends. But then you screwed him up in the head by putting your tongue in his mouth and his hands on your boobs.
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Setsunahenry posted...

Seem like no idea for me.

Anyway, I have a crush but she has a boyfriend already. Should I give up?

1. how old is everyone involved, roughly?
2. how long has their relationship been going for?
3. how closely do you and her match up on an attractiveness scale of 1-10?

Those factors do matter to varying degrees, and the chances of anything succeeding are slim. You don't want to be a rebound guy or a creeper, for instance, nor a charity case. There would probably be signs of emotion if she saw you as a potential future option, even if she's in a generally happy relationship. If there are no signs, then you're not on her radar and probably never will be.
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@Harpie any new news?
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you put the lime in the coconut
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Harpie posted...

Yeah, it's pretty confusing. Do you think that there's anything I could or should do? Or should I just let it go

Just let it go, I guess. But that's always easier said than done. You might be tempted to say "We'll just be friends," but that is probably a bad idea in this case because he's already half-assing the friendship. And on top of that, that might make your feelings linger, no matter how much you want to go away.

It's kinda hard when you work together, though, since you'll be seeing him all the time. But he doesn't sound very committed to being friends anyway, so maybe if you slowly drop him he won't mind.

Rockies posted...

Harpie posted...

Yeah, it's pretty confusing. Do you think that there's anything I could or should do? Or should I just let it go

Just let it go, I guess. But that's always easier said than done. You might be tempted to say "We'll just be friends," but that is probably a bad idea in this case because he's already half-assing the friendship. And on top of that, that might make your feelings linger, no matter how much you want to go away.

It's kinda hard when you work together, though, since you'll be seeing him all the time. But he doesn't sound very committed to being friends anyway, so maybe if you slowly drop him he won't mind.

Rockies with the wisdom again... yeah, the whole just friends thing isnt realistic barring special (rare) circumstances. Be polite and just try to ride it out until youre over it.
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