Poll of the Day > Advice for dealing with a meltdown in public?

(+) Yeah! (+)

So, we were at the mall to buy something for my cousin's birthday. My youngest sister sees a giant plush Pikachu and obviously she wants it. I say no and she has a massive fit. We ended up taking her home and grounding her. She says she's going to have a fit every time we go to that store. Advice?
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How old is your sister?

I really can't keep track of these alts anymore
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shadowsword87 posted...

How old is your sister?

12. She's old enough to know fits will cause a scene for people to watch.
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Don't take her?

let her know that throwing a tantrum is an immediate disqualification from getting anything she wants. if she's going to throw a fit every time you go there, then she's never going to get anything from there ever again.
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Don't just say no, give a justification on why, or blame someone/something, or lie.

"No you can't have the big Pikachu because _______"

A) ... I don't have enough money to buy it.
B) ... of the patriarchy.
C) ... your *one other family member* spent most of the birthday money so now I can't afford it.
D) ... that big Pikachu is not for sale.
E) ... our family is poor.

etc.
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Lil69Leo posted...

Don't take her?

Thinking about that but she's suspended from school (for punching someone after they tried to kiss her) so I have to drag her along every time we have to do shopping.
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ThatHappySack posted...

Don't just say no, give a justification on why, or blame someone/something, or lie.

"No you can't have the big Pikachu because _______"

A) ... I don't have enough money to buy it.
B) ... of the patriarchy.
C) ... your *one other family member* spent most of the birthday money so now I can't afford it.
D) ... that big Pikachu is not for sale.
E) ... our family is poor.

etc.

All of those except D work because the Pikachu has a price tag in plain view(its right on the arm).
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Smarkil posted...

I really can't keep track of these alts anymore

TC's the new sister guy.
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Learn her that she can't always have what she wants.

"she says she's going to have a fit every time we go to that store."
Apparently this worked in the past, and she learned to use it as a threat.

Don't get her anything for a while.

She should have learned things like this by age 5 or so.

Not learning things like this as a child can lead to serious personality disorders and a really hard adult life.

Just slap her in the face and tell her to shut the **** up. If that doesn't work, then punch her.

Maybe reward her when she is well behaved? If you guys are at a store and she is smiling and being quiet or politely interacting with you, tell her "Great job being good!" Maybe occasionally get her something small for being good. Reinforcement is more effective than punishment. And like the other poster said, definitely never reward tantrums like that by giving her what she wants. If she never gets what she wants from doing it, the behavior should eventually go away
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Is grounding even a punishment these days? Take something from her that she actually cares about.
The only reason she's willing to throw fits is because she thinks she has nothing to lose by doing so.

Alternatively, turn the tables. Scream that you want things when you're near her friends, and embarrass her. More of a fun option tbh.
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Lightning Bolt posted...

Scream that you want things when you're near her friends, and embarrass her. More of a fun option tbh.

Yeeeees. Do it. I'm pretty sure the mental image I got from this doesn't do it justice for how great it would be.
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DiduXD posted...

Lil69Leo posted...

Don't take her?

Thinking about that but she's suspended from school (for punching someone after they tried to kiss her) so I have to drag her along every time we have to do shopping.

Who tried to kiss her?
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DiduXD posted...

She says she's going to have a fit every time we go to that store. Advice?

Don't take her to the store. That or ground her everytime. Kids need to learn you can't have everything you want and every action has consequences. Throwing a fit shouldn't get said kid what they want as that teaches them to do it everytime they want something.
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https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=g01_MH5O_J8

I don't know what it is that makes children listen to me when no one else can get them to do anything.

There's no magic bullet. Anxious/upset kids need to relax. Angry kids need to be put in their place. Mischevious kids need to understand why they need to do what they need to do. Respect is a two-way street and if they don't like you they'll probably just give you a hard time.

Other than that, all you have to do is make the consequences of not listening to you bad enough that they outweigh the good of not listening to you. Being her brother, I imagine you have literally none of that.

Also, don't shoot what you can't kill. If you can't get a kid to do something, don't tell them to do it. Otherwise, you'll be perceived as inconsequential and easy.

Wait, was she throwing a tantrum, or was she having a meltdown? They're not really the same, and shouldn't be dealt with the same way. It sounds more like a tantrum in the write-up, but you know your sister. You can assess things better than I can.
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Ignore the behavior. Pick her up and leave if it happens and let her throw her fit.
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DiduXD posted...

Lil69Leo posted...

Don't take her?

Thinking about that but she's suspended from school (for punching someone after they tried to kiss her) so I have to drag her along every time we have to do shopping.

Can't you just lock her in a room or something or is that considered abuse?

Lightning Bolt posted...

Is grounding even a punishment these days? Take something from her that she actually cares about.
The only reason she's willing to throw fits is because she thinks she has nothing to lose by doing so.

Alternatively, turn the tables. Scream that you want things when you're near her friends, and embarrass her. More of a fun option tbh.

I like this idea, tbh.

Otherwise, the tantrum could also be recorded and shown to the friends.

Mead posted...

Ignore the behavior. Pick her up and leave if it happens and let her throw her fit.

If she's 12, it might be a pain to pick her up.

I guess you could always just walk away and hope she eventually follows. If not, you could always grab her at the lost & found later.
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Tantrum.....none of us has ever had this in our lives. We've always been the obidient children. And that's because we were taught from the a very young age that there are things that we cannot have simply because we want them. And if we choose to transcend these limitations, we have to work for everything we get in life.

For punishments, my parents never let us be idle. So the "Go to your room! You're grounded!" didn't apply.

We were made to do all the household chores and then some. Working with your hands and working up a sweat is a good way to distract the mind and keep things in perspective. Of course, this is all AFTER we have a talk on why we were being punished and how it's justifiable. If the child doesn't understand why her/his behaviour is unacceptable, then the punishment is pointless.

On topic, since she isn't your daughter, this really isn't your battle to fight. Inform your parents. She's throwing a fit because she knows she will get attention. Don't give it to her. Ignore or walk away (at least pretend to). Or pretend that you're calling security to remove her from the premises XD. I know someone who did this to her child.

Personally, I think the child needs to be taught lessons on humility, respect and responsibility.
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DiduXD posted...

She says she's going to have a fit every time we go to that store. Advice?

"Okay, we'll make sure to leave you behind next time we go."

Alternatively, bring her, buy it, then drive to some sort of donation bin and force her to watch as you give it away. That's only really a viable option if it's not too expensive, but it'd do a nice job of making her think she's won before transitioning into "tantrums don't work."
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This isn't normal behavior for a 12 year old.

Trying my hardest not to judge here but...she's 12 throwing a tantrum in public...while already being suspended? Sounds like any type of punishment would be a upgrade
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your sister sounds like she has issues

have you considered medicating her
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Record her throwing a tantrum and put it on Facebook.
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SusanGreenEyes posted...

Record her throwing a tantrum and put it on Facebook.

Tag her and make fun of her too
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Action53 posted...

SusanGreenEyes posted...

Record her throwing a tantrum and put it on Facebook.

Tag her and make fun of her too

Then you tell her "You tried to embarrass me in public, so now it's your turn to be embarrassed in public."
Also put that on Instagram.
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Buy it for her and then cut it up with a chainsaw in front of her.

Record every tantrum and then facebook it to her friends and every guy she likes when she is 16.

How do people let their kids turn out this shit? Was she a mistake?
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SusanGreenEyes posted...

Action53 posted...

SusanGreenEyes posted...

Record her throwing a tantrum and put it on Facebook.

Tag her and make fun of her too

Then you tell her "You tried to embarrass me in public, so now it's your turn to be embarrassed in public."
Also put that on Instagram.

That's actually probably the best thing you could do. Not only are you not letting her have what she wants, you're completely turning the tantrum around on her. The tantrum would stop pretty much as soon as you told her that's why you were recording.

You should take a picture of her throwing a tantrum, get a shirt printed with the picture, and tell her you will walk her to all of her classes wearing the shirt the next time she disrespects you.
You can buy a package of iron on transfers for 8 dollars.
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