Current Events > Found out a friend is suicidally depressed because he had non-consensual sex

(+) Yeah! (+)

Incoming blogfaqs because I need to vent.

Up front: He's not the victim. The whole situation is fucked up. The TL;DR version is that he and his GF both got high AF. Their foreplay routine is a massage that leads into other things. This time, she didn't want other things but went along with it because she was scared. He says she never told him to stop and he's really beating himself up because he didn't get a clear "yes" from her. I literally pulled the guy out of a bath tub and took a razor blade away from him about 4 hours ago, then spent almost two hours talking with him to try to settle him down.

I don't know what her side is because I don't really know her, but according to mutual friends she's wrecked. She's also super worried about him hurting himself and is beating herself up for not being more forceful in saying no. Police will not be involved.

It happened almost a week ago and I'm just now finding out. I'm kinda pissed at mutual friends for not telling me sooner, since I'm the one with the most experience dealing with shit like this. Now that I'm involved I'm working on setting up counselling for everyone involved and possibly hospitalization for my friend if he makes a serious suicide attempt. I'm probably gonna make him come stay with me awhile in any case. His girlfriend seems to have a pretty good support network from what I hear and is working on coping.

/blogfaqs
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Well that's awful.
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Jesus christ it must be in the air this week.


I'm sorry to hear that TC. I hope your friend and his gf are boyh okay, hopefully he can get the help he needs. Is he open to counselling?
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butthole666 posted...

Jesus christ it must be in the air this week.


I'm sorry to hear that TC. I hope your friend and his gf are boyh okay, hopefully he can get the help he needs. Is he open to counselling?

Honestly, he's a super passive, mild person. He's open to whatever we tell him he's open to. We're all reeling in shock that this happened. I don't want to victim blame, but I'm convinced that if she'd have expressed the slightest negativity with anything he was doing he'd have stopped immediately and started babbling apologies on the spot. I blame the fact that both of them were stoned out of their gourd and likely had no idea what the other was thinking.
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butthole666 posted...

Jesus christ it must be in the air this week.


I'm sorry to hear that TC. I hope your friend and his gf are boyh okay, hopefully he can get the help he needs. Is he open to counselling?

NO! Don't go to counseling. If you tell a counselor you raped someone, even if you did it on accident, they are required by law to report you to the authorities. Be very careful who you tell about this.
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Sounds like they need to talk with eachother and someone needs to be there to supervise tbh.
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fire_bolt posted...

high AF

Found the problem

Weed, everyone.
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Jesus fuck it's just sex. Why are people beating themselves up over a penis going in a vagina?

Fuck
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hope your friend and his gf get through this

but you definitely have to find out her side in detail or your friend will honestly just get worse thinking about what she's thinking about and extrapolating on that

also freaking drugs man
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Sounds like the stonerist thing I've ever heard
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Wait so correct me if I'm wrong.

Your friend has a girlfriend. They regularly have sex.

They have a ritual that they do beforehand every time. He follows ritual and she never says no. They have sex.

Now she's claiming she didn't want it and wished she said no.

He's depressed because he did what he does all the time and she didn't say no?

This is the weirdest thing I've ever read. How old are you guys?
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I have to agree with my CJ on this one. This is freaking odd. They did the thing that they normally do . But AFTER the fact she said that she wished she said NO.
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Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

Wait so correct me if I'm wrong.

Your friend has a girlfriend. They regularly have sex.

They have a ritual that they do beforehand every time. He follows ritual and she never says no. They have sex.

Now she's claiming she didn't want it and wished she said no.

He's depressed because he did what he does all the time and she didn't say no?

This is the weirdest thing I've ever read. How old are you guys?

This is factually correct on every account, except that they don't ALWAYS do this before sex. Doing this always led to sex but they also had sex without this "ritual" as you put it.

The couple in question is 22 and 23
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Cj_WlLL_VVlN posted...

Wait so correct me if I'm wrong.

Your friend has a girlfriend. They regularly have sex.

They have a ritual that they do beforehand every time. He follows ritual and she never says no. They have sex.

Now she's claiming she didn't want it and wished she said no.

He's depressed because he did what he does all the time and she didn't say no?

This is the weirdest thing I've ever read. How old are you guys?

I'm about on the same page also. She sounds like a head case and he just needs to leave her and move on.

Normally when you are in a relationship, and you sleep together a few times, the green light is pretty much always on. If she pulls some shit like this, and it's entirely not his fault, she has serious problems and he needs to get far away.
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dumbest fucking topic i've read all day.
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That's a pretty fucking weird situation you've got there.
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wtf
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fire_bolt posted...

Up front: He's not the victim. The whole situation is f***ed up. The TL;DR version is that he and his GF both got high AF. Their foreplay routine is a massage that leads into other things. This time, she didn't want other things but went along with it because she was scared. He says she never told him to stop and he's really beating himself up because he didn't get a clear "yes" from her.

This is clearly where you describe what happened. But I still don't know what the fuck happened.

So she did go along with it. So it was consensual.

Where's the problem?
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this is kind of fucking dumb
I'm glad most of my friends are more grounded in reality
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Just say it though. Your friend raped his girlfriend.
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who the actual fuck has a "foreplay routine"

a foreplay. routine.
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Was this the first time they had ever had sex?
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...er, yeah, this is odd. Sounds like they both need big time help. :\
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This is honestly a pretty crazy situation and I honestly don't think I can comprehend what they're going through. Even so it's clearly hurt them both a lot; I wish the best for both of them.
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huh? why wouldn't she say no, I don't even understand the situation.

This is why feminism is stupid. What your friend did was nothing wrong and the girl only thinks that it was because feminists have convinced her it was rape by using the broadest possible definition of rape there is. She wouldn't have any real problem in life under normal circumstances.
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It sounds like they need to have a talk about it. From what you've posted, he seems like he would've stopped the instant she showed any negative reaction to it, but she clearly didn't think he would and was afraid. That's a problem in itself.

They need to just talk it out and learn from it
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lmfao what is this thread

This is really dumb.
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Asherlee10 posted...

Balrog0 posted...

who the actual fuck has a "foreplay routine"

a foreplay. routine.

I figured that's how all straight sex went.

*watch alarm* "Honey! It's time for sex. Let's kick off our foreplay routine!"

Lol
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weapon_d00d816 posted...

Jesus fuck it's just sex. Why are people beating themselves up over a penis going in a vagina?

Fuck

Did you just suggest that you don't understand how rape (even if accidental) can be traumatic for people?
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TC, you need to help us out with some details:

1. How old are they?
2. How long have they been together?
3. Was this their first time having sex?
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This is so dumb I can't tell if this is fake news
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I've said no to my wife before. We still had sex.
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this sounds like a high school thing tbh
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this makes no sense

is his GF saying he raped her and she wants nothing to do with him?

if not then what is the issue?


and why was she scared? like wtf

they are in a relationship and have sex and she is scared on this one occasion?


this story sounds fishy....

is this anti-feminist bait?
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Romulox28 posted...

this sounds like a high school thing tbh

TC is well into adulthood, so it would be bizarre if he was friends with HS kids.
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It sounds like they need to talk. Either with one another or in therapy if that doesn't work. It sounds like it was all a mistake/misunderstanding, but if they dont talk to one another it wont solve itself.
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darkphoenix181 posted...

is this anti-feminist bait?

that's the best bet

man has sex with GF, suddenly rape
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Are they teens or something
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That_Happened posted...

weapon_d00d816 posted...

Jesus fuck it's just sex. Why are people beating themselves up over a penis going in a vagina?

Fuck

Did you just suggest that you don't understand how rape (even if accidental) can be traumatic for people?

The fuck is "accidental" rape?
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topic sounds fake to make women look bad
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This reminds me of a situation I had with my bf a few weeks ago.

>I wanted sex
>He says no
>I get really sad
>We talk it over
>After a heavy, emotional discussion he very suddenly and aggressively comes on to me
>I reluctantly agree to have sex even though I felt raw and vulnerable and didn't think it was appropriate
>I tell him my feelings afterwards
>He feels absolutely horrible, like he took advantage/raped of me, and leaves.

We talked it over again and we're perfectly fine now. Just gotta be honest and up front with each other, always.
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Asherlee10 posted...

Balrog0 posted...

who the actual fuck has a "foreplay routine"

a foreplay. routine.

I figured that's how all straight sex went.

*watch alarm* "Honey! It's time for sex. Let's kick off our foreplay routine!"

Are you a gold star
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I hope this is a fake story because it's dumb as fuck
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