Poll of the Day > How do you like, make people care for you?

(+) Yeah! (+)

Sometimes it really feels like no one gives a shit about me.
I guess no one likes a guy who doesn't talk much and isn't memorable in any way : (

Or do people actually see me as this weirdo, social outcast and prefer to not ask me how I'm doing?

I mean, while working, I do talk with some people sometimes and I always try to say something funny.
It's kinda weird how it's somehow easier for me to socialize through jokes and humour.

I always feel left out and forgotten.

How do you make others to give a shit?
Or is it because I'm not a girl, because it always seems like most of them doesn't even have to make any effort anyway in order to get attention from someone.

Goddammit I just want to feel like I belong somewhere.
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LeetCheet posted...

Goddammit I just want to feel like I belong somewhere.

I think you need to focus less on what others are doing or think and just be yourself. If you want to talk to said person then go and talk to them. If they don't give a shit then move on. Life is too short to not be happy in yourself.


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How to Win Friends and Influence People and also Be Our Guest are both pretty useful books.

Just be yourself. But also be a good version of yourself. Who you are is dynamic.

blu posted...

Who you are is dynamic.

Pretty much this.

I recommend apathy, however. It's the best.

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By not being desperate about if people care about you or not.

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You can't make others give a shit. People just don't care anymore. It's not you man.

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do your own thing instead of worrying about what you think others want you to be, your people will eventually find you

LeetCheet posted...

Or is it because I'm not a girl, because it always seems like most of them doesn't even have to make any effort anyway in order to get attention from someone.

this however is a really shitty mindset and it'd do you well to lose it

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Molitheus posted...

People just don't care anymore

?

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you have to care about them first

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You're thinking too much. Just go talk with them and act like you're a part of the group and eventually you will be. If you feel left out, most people will leave you out, go insert yourself in.

"Fake it 'til you make it."

Have you tried being a girl.

Adopt a pet.

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JOExHIGASHI posted...

you have to care about them first

How you feel is entirely up to you. Your feelings are independant of the world, nobody's going to tell you to stop feeling like you belong. To feel like you belong, you intentionally ignore anything that makes you feel like you don't.
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You can't really make people care about anything they don't. You can't even make people show that they care in a way that you consider the 'right' way. (General you, not anyone specific.)

People care about what they do, and show it the ways they feel works best.

You can put in the legwork to be someone people care about, but that's about it. It doesn't guarantee results, but that's pretty much the only option.

what about that girl that wanted you to look at her asshole

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Have fun.

People like fun.

If they see someone having fun, they want to join in.

If they then also have fun, they tend to like that person.

So yeah, just find things you enjoy, do them, and eventually others will want to do them with you.

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Claim to be a refugee fleeing from a conflict, at which point a first-world government or private citizen will care for you. Or otherwise become a ward of the state.

Unless you meant "care about you," which is a different story. The easy way there is to become a celebrity, at which point you'll make news over nothing at all and constantly get approached by people who think they know you while assuming that you have some shared bond when you haven't even met them before.

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supergamer19 posted...

Pretty much this.

I recommend apathy, however. It's the best.

I think I'm very apathetic. My girlfriend didn't used to call me 'stone face' for nothing.

TheWitchMorgana posted...

this however is a really shitty mindset and it'd do you well to lose it

It really does seem like that sometimes though : /

I mean, a woman can just mind her own business(even if she's quiet/shy) and it will always be at least one who goes out of their way to chat with her.

I mean, I like to talk with girls and I never mind being bothered by them while I'm working.

On the subject of girls, it kinda feels like they almost never try to be funny. At least the girls who works here almost never does it.
Why is that?

Smarkil posted...

what about that girl that wanted you to look at her asshole

It was her butt and I do talk with her but I almost always feel like I bother her. So many times every day, we just walk past eachother. That's kinda because I'm so socially awkward and I'm so bad at starting conversations.

She and the other women often ask me to do some heavy lifting for them though and I always help whenever I can.
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LeetCheet posted...

On the subject of girls, it kinda feels like they almost never try to be funny. At least the girls who works here almost never does it.
Why is that?

Depends the girl. Also that isn't exclusive to girls and honestly humour isn't for everyone. I prefer humour but not all the time. Still you really shouldn't be splitting guys up from girls in how you treat them unless you want to bang them of course.


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wwinterj25 posted...

Depends the girl. Also that isn't exclusive to girls and honestly humour isn't for everyone. I prefer humour but not all the time. Still you really shouldn't be splitting guys up from girls in how you treat them unless you want to bang them of course.

I like to joke. It makes me forget about my misery for a small moment.
Which makes it even more painful when I'm constantly preventing myself from talking.

I'm deathly afraid of saying something wrong or something that someone might misunderstand or get offended by.

And I always treat everyone equally. If someone asks me for help(make or female), I always help them as best I can.
And I'm not interested in banging anyone.
I'm more interested in making more friends and getting to know them better.

Sadly, I'm so extremely bad at making friends and maintaining said friendships.
I've always had to depend on others to do that.
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You have a girlfriend though.

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wwinterj25 posted...

You have a girlfriend though.

Yes but it mostly happened because she always took the first step.
She was always the first one to start talking and suggesting things.

In hindsight it feel kinda dickish to always let others do the first move.

Am I being a dick to other people?
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So at least one person talks to you and they like you enough to be in a relationship with you. It doesn't seem to me you have a problem.

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Her mother hates me though which is really depressing.

I mean, she has ruined and sabotaged so much in our relationship already. She is the reason why it's so hard for us to move in together.
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I don't see how grown arsed adults must answer to parents.

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LeetCheet posted...

Her mother hates me though which is really depressing.

I mean, she has ruined and sabotaged so much in our relationship already. She is the reason why it's so hard for us to move in together.

Oh, so it's a future mother-in-law issue. But that's very different than just trying to get people to like you in general. The thing you said about girls in your first post was really crappy. I suggest asking the folks over at the Reddit sub JustNoMIL; they'll have some advice for you. Probably fair advice too, they've experience.

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Trialia posted...

Oh, so it's a future mother-in-law issue. But that's very different than just trying to get people to like you in general. The thing you said about girls in your first post was really crappy. I suggest asking the folks over at the Reddit sub JustNoMIL; they'll have some advice for you. Probably fair advice too, they've experience.

Oh. Yeah. This. I've been there. Some of them have dealt with some of the worst. They can help you...
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I've hot bad news for you TC.. well, I suffer from random spouts of uncontrollable crying at times. And being in public is obviously the fucking worst of it... yeah, I get the are you ok? Um, nope man.. I'm not. And it just gets real awkward from there.. >_> Iys funny too just because I'm a dude, we have this double standard social stigma that men are supposed to be hard shelled , and all. But when it comes to any underlinning mental illness? It's like, stop that depression. I don't want to hear no more of that depression now.

Yeah I hear ya. Most people have no idea how it is to be suffering from depression.

Many people think they're always thinking of committing suicide or purposely hurting themselves or that 'they should just do something that they enjoy and they'll immediately feel better'.
Or they tell you how it's just a phase and you'll get over it soon.

When in reality, it isn't really like that.

Sure, suicidal thoughts might be common for some but it's even more common to have thoughts like 'how little you matter to other people' or 'how useless you are' and other negative thoughts about yourself.

I just wish bringing up your depression to other people was more socially acceptable without them immediately thinking you're crazy or something.

I could talk for hours about my thoughts and how my Asperger's affects me and how much I struggle with it everyday to someone IRL if only I had a chance.

I really want to tell my coworkers that I have Asperger's and explain why I might seem so odd to them but I'm afraid it might backfire.
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You should always have someone in your life you can talk to about your mental illnesses. Of course a time and place is needed and you wouldn't want said illnesses to define you but it's never healthy to keep things bottled up. Furthermore most folk have something and most folk are understanding of other folks disabilities and illnesses. Just don't make every conversation you have about it and it's fine to share with folk you trust.

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