Poll of the Day > Help me convince my wife that she's wrong.

(+) Yeah! (+)

Scenario: Our son is in a youth instructional soccer "league". At the end of some of the matches, the coaches give the kids donuts. Son has a peanut allergy and can't eat the donuts. Coaches are aware of son's allergy and offer him a packet of peanut-safe cheese crackers.

Wife's argument: The coaches should be inclusive and provide a treat that is equal for everyone. Meaning they should provide peanut-safe snacks to every child, or provide no snacks at all.

Far-Queue's genius-level argument: It is unfortunate the coaches failed to include our son in the snacktivities, but at the end of the day, he's our son and our responsibility, no one else's. It would've been nice if the coaches had let us know ahead of time that they were bringing donuts so that we could bring something from home for our boy, but I told my wife that perhaps we should prepare ourselves in the future by just always having a cookie or something on hand for these situations, instead of expecting other people to cater to our child.
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peanut donuts? sounds weird. maybe you could ask them to bring normal fucking donuts next time. well, don't give your kid donuts anyway i guess

One kid is diabetic with celiacs: Quinoa Snaps for everyone!
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acesxhigh posted...

peanut donuts? sounds weird. maybe you could ask them to bring normal fucking donuts next time. well, don't give your kid donuts anyway i guess

They weren't peanut donuts, but the thing about a peanut allergy is that a lot of things are made in facilities that process peanuts and you have to worry about cross-contamination.
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But for real; here's my argument against your wife...

"We're going to INCLUDE YOU, by EXCLUDING EVERYONE ELSE"...
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It would be nice of them to find a food that wouldn't make him feel singled out, but it's not their duty.

That would make them nicer than my soccer team. Mine wouldn't even put me in. They won first place every year.
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Far-Queue posted...

acesxhigh posted...

peanut donuts? sounds weird. maybe you could ask them to bring normal fucking donuts next time. well, don't give your kid donuts anyway i guess

They weren't peanut donuts, but the thing about a peanut allergy is that a lot of things are made in facilities that process peanuts and you have to worry about cross-contamination.

Yep, same with all other allergies (my wife has celiac) but peanut is the worst. Heard about that kid who died because he/she was kissed by someone who just had a peanut butter sandwich

Anyway, you're both wrong, orange slices should be handed out ..
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At least he included him and didn't kill him.
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He literally included him. Your wife is fool

if your wife got her way your kid would become the one that ruined donuts for everyone and the other players would all hate him
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Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.
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How did your son feel about the cheese crackers?

Super_Thug44 posted...

Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.

Its not just stuff not made with peanut oil, but cross contamination, like he said. If its even made in the same factory or whatever as peanut. Or packaged in the same area.
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LinkPizza posted...

Its not just stuff not made with peanut oil, but cross contamination, like he said. If its even made in the same factory or whatever as peanut. Or packaged in the same area.

Sure. But it's possible to at least try to get something decent for the kid instead of just throwing him a super generic snack and giving everyone else something actually tasty.
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Super_Thug44 posted...

LinkPizza posted...

Its not just stuff not made with peanut oil, but cross contamination, like he said. If its even made in the same factory or whatever as peanut. Or packaged in the same area.

Sure. But it's possible to at least try to get something decent for the kid instead of just throwing him a super generic snack and giving everyone else something actually tasty.

1. Cheese crackers are tasty (to me, at least)

2. It could be that the cheese crackers were the only other thing they had available that might work
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I would punch your wife in the dick. Fuck her.

MY SHITASS KID IS ALLERGIC TO A THING WE SHOULD RUIN IT FOR EVERYONE
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Johnny Eagle posted...

1. Cheese crackers are tasty (to me, at least)

They are. What I should have said was in comparison to donuts, they're nothing special at all.

Johnny Eagle posted...

2. It could be that the cheese crackers were the only other thing they had available that might work

That would be fair if this was a spur of the moment decision and the coach didn't know about the kid's allergy. TC's post says that coach already knows about the allergy and that donuts were provided after several games.
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Far-Queue posted...

acesxhigh posted...

peanut donuts? sounds weird. maybe you could ask them to bring normal fucking donuts next time. well, don't give your kid donuts anyway i guess

They weren't peanut donuts, but the thing about a peanut allergy is that a lot of things are made in facilities that process peanuts and you have to worry about cross-contamination.

also if they were fried in peanut oil
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Super_Thug44 posted...

That would be fair if this was a spur of the moment decision and the coach didn't know about the kid's allergy. TC's post says that coach already knows about the allergy and that donuts were provided after several games.

Thats true. Though, maybe he found out the first time he brought donuts. And then after that, the kids kept wanting them. It would suck if they stopped after the first time. Especially if someone asked and found out they couldnt get it because of another person. Usually, people are ok with it. But there are some kids, and maybe a few parents, who would be mad... But it would be better to try and include everyone. But there could be other reasons, as well.

I know as a kid, we use to do pizza after a game. And its possible that one or more of them were lactose intolerant. I know I would have been sad to not have pizza because of it, though...
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"Inclusive"

I hate the word.

As I hate hell, all Montagues, and your wife.


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Far-Queue posted...

-snip-

While I understand what your wife is saying as you wouldn't want your kid to feel left out I also don't think all the other kids should miss out just because of one kid. The coach provided a alternative for your kid and that is perfectly fine to me. It sure as hell sucks your kid can't eat anything with peanuts but that's just how things are sometimes and it's better for your kid to learn he can't have everything he wants at a young age anyway.
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Expecting everyone to cater to you or your kid is incredibly self centered, and it's irrational to conclude otherwise. Almost demonstrates a borderline psychotic lack of empathy for the kids whom she wishes to deprive of donuts
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It would be cool if they could have found the same snack that worked for your son, but it's a small time issue really.
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I don't like your poll options but to say that we have to cater to one person who can't or doesn't enjoy consuming something isn't fair to those that can. I'm not saying life is always fair but if 9/10 want to order pizza and only one person wants a salad, you're not going only order salad.

Honestly, the best thing in this scenario is what TC suggested but I'll suggest with a minor twist. Perhaps have the coach give the safe treat to their child instead of from themselves.
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Agree with your wife in a way that gets you what you want.

Always the best solution.
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So is your kid going to be the one that prevents every other kid from having a PB&J sandwich at school and is your wife also going to demand that everyone else eat the same sandwich as him?

Super_Thug44 posted...

Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.

I agree. We have a peanut, tree nut, fish and shellfish child. She is just 4 but she would wonder why these kids were getting doughnuts, a sweet and she was getting something crappy.

How about ask your wife to find an allergen safe alternative, she should know better where to find them than the coach, plus she would trust them. Have her buy them and have the coach to hand that to your child other than the cheese and crackers? Allergen free treats are more expensive but surely there is a doughnut somewhere. We order a lot of things online.
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I'd say you are right. Other people shouldn't have to go without things they may enjoy just because someone else can't have it.
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I'm more concerned with what your kid thinks than what your wife thinks (she's wrong btw). Does he even give a shit about any of this? What sort of outcome does he want?
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TC wants us to provide an answer to what men having been trying to figure out for centuries? Ok.
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Sad story :'(
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mooreandrew58 posted...

When you have a allergy that's your problem and responsibility. Life isn't fair and never will be.

Exactly, the coach tried. That's the best you can expect in such a situation.

It is why we have an allergy list, listing everyone on our corridor and even then, if I am cooking for specific people, I will ask them directly what I need to consider ingredient wise.

Allergies are difficult, but possible, to deal with, you just have to be pro-active.
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I'm so thankful that I'm not allergic to anything
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or maybe we should let nature take its course?

Nichtcrawler X posted...

Exactly, the coach tried. That's the best you can expect in such a situation.

He didn't really try though. He essentially did the bare minimum. It's lazy to grab something from your pantry and call it a snack when everyone else is getting a significantly better treat that isn't had very often. If I saw a kid eating crackers when my and others' kids were eating something you don't get often like donuts, I'd probably offer to bring something next time.

Another important point being brought up in this topic is if the kid even cares. If he doesn't, then this entire topic is pointless.

Also, if the wife is this distraught by this, she should talk to the coach and just say "hey could you find something my son could also enjoy? Here's what he is able to eat" and give some suggestions. If coach is a dick about it (which I doubt he would be), then just bring your own snack for the kid.
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Is it really that hard to find a delicious snack that doesn't have risk of aggravating a peanut allergy? This really isnt rocket science.

Also how often are there games because kids shouldn't be eating fucking donuts more than once a week if that

OhhhJa posted...

Is it really that hard to find a delicious snack that doesn't have risk of aggravating a peanut allergy? This really isnt rocket science.

Also how often are there games because kids shouldn't be eating fucking donuts more than once a week if that

It kinda is. You have to read a lot of nutritional facts and many are "processed on same machinery" or in same factory. So one of the dedicated nut free candies and snacks you just buy off the shelf is pretty crappy. Oh, and you have to read EVERYTHING. I bought a package of frozen corn and when I got home and and read the package it said "May contain peanuts".

I agree, doughnuts are a weird thing to give. I get it, they are kids but I'd want to go a bit healthier than that as a coach.
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OhhhJa posted...

Is it really that hard to find a delicious snack that doesn't have risk of aggravating a peanut allergy? This really isnt rocket science.

Also how often are there games because kids shouldn't be eating fucking donuts more than once a week if that

If you play sports a couple of donuts isn't going to blow your diet. I played sports and was in pretty good shape and I still ate junk food. Exercise kinda helps with the not getting fat part.
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You can be as right as it's humanly possible, your wife is always right though. Just shut up, say yes maam, and listen to her roar!!!

Side note, I think you're both right.
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She's right because she's your wife.

And you need to take your kid out of sports. If he can die from eating the same foods other kids eat, he needs to be kept at home in a sterile environment. No donuts, no pizza, no hot dogs, just kibble.
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Good Luck
Women are never wrong.
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Judging by the way you refer to your wife, Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that the relationship isnt going well. If you guys ever need it, Id highly recommend couples counseling. Its pretty effective.
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DrVonRupee posted...

Judging by the way you refer to your wife, Im gonna go out on a limb and guess that the relationship isnt going well. If you guys ever need it, Id highly recommend couples counseling. Its pretty effective.

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We still would like to know what you son thinks about all of this. That would help, tbh... Also, I think of the parent wants their kid to eat a really good treat, but are allergic, they might do well to bring stuff for their child. As stated, it can be hard to find things that are peanut free. He probably choose the cheese and crackers because he KNEW that they didn't contain peanuts. Which he did so he didnt kill you son.

Also, donuts are not really that bad. I believe he also said some games. Not all. Especially since they do seem to be getting exercise...
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LinkPizza posted...

We still would like to know what you son thinks about all of this. That would help, tbh... Also, I think of the parent wants their kid to eat a really good treat, but are allergic, they might do well to bring stuff for their child. As stated, it can be hard to find things that are peanut free. He probably choose the cheese and crackers because he KNEW that they didn't contain peanuts. Which he did so he didnt kill you son.

Also, donuts are not really that bad. I believe he also said some games. Not all. Especially since they do seem to be getting exercise...

Yeah carbs are good if you want to gain muscle too iirc and idk how much donuts have but being a bread like food I assume it has some. Doubt that was the plan just saying.
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Super_Thug44 posted...

Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.

That's my thought. Going so far as to give everyone cheese crackers or nothing at all for the sake of inclusivity would be excessive, but the coach - who I'm presuming knows about any allergies on the team and can plan accordingly in planning snacks - could do a whole lot better than taking everyone else out for donuts and singling TC's son out by giving him such a half-assed consolation prize. That's really not an unreasonable expectation.

That said, a potential way to avoid the issue in the future would be for somebody (perhaps TC or his wife) to volunteer to make allergy-conscious snacks for the whole team. Kids aren't exactly going to be disappointed by getting chocolate chip cookies or rice krispie squares, and those are very easy to make and contain no nuts. Bonus points because this saves the coach some money and is probably healthier than the donuts.

As others have said, the point is also entirely moot if the kid's happy with what he got. The kid's happiness is all that really matters here, as unfair as the situation sounds.

_AdjI_ posted...

Super_Thug44 posted...

Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.

That's my thought. Going so far as to give everyone cheese crackers or nothing at all for the sake of inclusivity would be excessive, but the coach - who I'm presuming knows about any allergies on the team and can plan accordingly in planning snacks - could do a whole lot better than taking everyone else out for donuts and singling TC's son out by giving him such a half-assed consolation prize. That's really not an unreasonable expectation.

Yeah, I can see why the wife feels how she does. Cheese crackers? Really?
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Doctor Foxx posted...

_AdjI_ posted...

Super_Thug44 posted...

Honestly, I'd be okay with this if the coach didn't give some piece of shit snack in comparison to donuts. Seriously, cheese crackers? There is probably a lot of stuff that isn't made with peanut oil that is way more appealing and equivalent than fucking cheese crackers.

I get your wife's point, and agree with her to some extent. Coach should be allowed to provide whatever snacks but it's kind of insulting that everyone else gets something arguably way better than what your kid is getting.

That's my thought. Going so far as to give everyone cheese crackers or nothing at all for the sake of inclusivity would be excessive, but the coach - who I'm presuming knows about any allergies on the team and can plan accordingly in planning snacks - could do a whole lot better than taking everyone else out for donuts and singling TC's son out by giving him such a half-assed consolation prize. That's really not an unreasonable expectation.

Yeah, I can see why the wife feels how she does. Cheese crackers? Really?

It almost seems like a case he forgot about the kid and the crackers where a oh shit what do I have laying around scenario.
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Since when do people not like cheese crackers
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Mead posted...

Since when do people not like cheese crackers

It pales in comparison to a donut. Crackers is like a light snack a donut (to a kid at least) is more like a treat.
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The world doesnt revolve around one child! But, then again, giving the kid cheese crackers, while everyone else eating doughnuts is sort of pathetic. Personally, Id just buy something more awesome than doughnuts for my kid (should I have one with similar allergies).
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